YOU WILL SCREAM LIKE A HORSE

Fake documents! Fake banks! Insults! Apologies! Prostitutes! Starvation! Eviction! Painful deaths! Multiple car crashes! Burst appendixes! The two most stubborn people in the world going head to head for three months! A total meltdown! 137 mails from the lads! And 45 MILLION DOLLARS!

Players:
Franklin Jago, scammer, frank111ng@yahoo.com 234-80-33356036 and 234-37164815.
Tunde Fowler, scambuddy, general manager of Bond Bank (but not the REAL Bond Bank, but you knew that - the REAL Bond Bank is at bondbankng.com and does not like its name being appropriated by scammers),
tundefowler2002@yahoo.com, tundefowler2@yahoo.com and tundefowler0499@yahoo.com TEL: 234-803-7164815 FAX:234-1-7593246
Dr D.P. Iyabi (not the real D.P. Iyabi), scambuddy, Managing Director, Chief Executive, All States Trust Bank PLC (but not the real All States Trust Bank, but you knew that), email astb_2002astb@yahoo.co.uk, Phone 234 803 3208954 fax 234-1-7593185

Fake bank site: http://www.bdbplc.com. Fake bake email: info@bdbplc.com, support@bdbplc.com. The REAL bank is at bondbankng.com.

And the Unkindly Contributor, a "stupiud" "hopless" "sycoo" "idiot" "mannerless" "ASSHOLE" and of course a "dear friend".

Who to send the WU money to:
Mr Chidozie Ohajekwe, Enugu, Nigeria. Likely real name of "Franklin Jago".
Mr Kenechi Onukwuili, Nigerian Deposit Insurance Corporation, Lagos. Scambuddy.

Locations: Houston, Amsterdam, Zurich, Lagos, Enugu and "Scamorama Island".

Chapter 1: AUGUST.

FRANKLIN JAGO

FRANKLIN JAGO
IP: 80.179.254.138

Date: Sun, 10 Aug 2003 00:32:42 +0100 (BST)

Subject: MUTUAL BENEFIT

FROM: MR.FRANKLIN JAGO,
MIDDLE BANK OF AFRICA BENIN,
COTONOU,
BENIN REPUBLIC.

Dear Sir,
In order to transfer out (USD 45 MILLION) Forty Five million United States Dollars from MIDDLE BANK OF AFRICA BENIN [MBA]. I have the courage to ask or your assistance to handle this important and confidential business Believing that you will never let me down either now or in future. I am MR.FRANKLIN JAGO ,an auditor in MIDDLE BANK OF AFRICA, BENIN [M.B.A]. There is an account opened in this bank in 1980 and since 1990 nobody has operated on this account again. After going through some old files in the records, I discovered that if I do not remit this money out urgently it will be forfeited for nothing. The owner of this account is Mr. DESTIN PAL, a foreigner, and a miner at D&D INVESTMENT CO., a geologist by profession

and he died since 1990. No other person knows about this account or any thing concerning it, the account has no other beneficiary and my investigation proved to me as well that this company does not know anything

about this account and the amount involved is (USD 45M) Forty Five million United States Dollars). I want to transfer the [USD45M] Forty Five million united States Dollars into a safe foreigners account abroad , but I don't know any foreigner, I am only contacting you as a foreigner because this money can not be approved to a local bank here, but can only be approved to any foreign account because the money is in us dollars and the former owner of the account is Mr.DESTIN PAL is a foreigner too. I know that this message will come to you as a surprise as we don t know our selves before,but be sure that it is real and a genuine business. I only got your contact address from my secretary who operates computer with believe in God that you will never let me down in this business. You are the only person that I have contacted in this business, so please reply urgently so that I will inform you the next step to take urgently. Send also your private telephone and fax number including the full details of the account to be used for the deposit. I want us to meet face to face or sign a binding agreement to bind us together so that you can receive this money into a foreign account or any account of your choice where the fund will be safe. I will fly to your country for withdrawal and sharing and other investments. I am contacting you because of the need to involve a foreigner with foreign account and foreign beneficiary. I need your full co-operation to make this work fine because the management is ready to approve this payment to any foreigner who has correct information of this account, which I will give to you later immediately, if you are able and with capability

to handle such amount in strict confidence and trust according to my instructions and advice for our mutual benefit because this opportunity will never come again in my life. I need truthful person in this business because I don't want to make mistake I need your strong assurance and trust. With my position now in the office I can transfer this money to any foreigner's reliable account, which you can provide with assurance that this money will be intact pending my physical arrival in your country for sharing. I will destroy all documents of transaction immediately we receive this money leaving no trace to any place. You can also come to discuss with me face to face after which I will make this remittance in your presence and two of us will fly to your country so at least two days ahead of the money going into the account. I will apply for annual leave to get visa immediately I hear from you that you are ready to act and receive this fund in your account. I will use my position and influence to effect legal approvals and onward transfer of this money to your account with appropriate clearance forms of the ministries and foreign exchange departments. At the conclusion of this business, you will be given 35% of the total amount, 60% will be for me, while 5% will be for expenses both parties might have incurred during the process of transferring. I look forward to your earliest reply. GOD BLESS YOU.

Yours Truly,

MR.franklin jago
COTONOU BENIN REPUBLIC

UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR

Sounds doable. Let me know how I can help.

FRANKLIN

Date: Mon, 11 Aug 2003 22:33:04 +0100 (BST)

Subject: PROCEDURE

DEAR SIR

I ALREADY HAVE THE DEATH CERTIFICATE OF THE LATE BENEFICIARY MR DESTIN PAL.WE GOT THIS DEATH CERTIFICATE FROM THE HOSPITAL WHERE HE WAS CERTIFIED DEATH DUE TO INJURIES HE SUSTAINED .

I HAVE ALREADY CONTACTED AN ATTORNEY WHO IS GOING TO GET THE LEGAL DOCUMENTS ON YOUR BEHALF.NOTE THAT WE SHALL PREPARE A NEXT OF KIN FORM IN YOUR NAME.THE SIGNATURE OF THE LATE BENEFICIARY FULLY ENDORSED IN THE FORM.WE SHALL ALSO SIGN A SIMPLE SIGNATURE IN YOUR NAME AS THE NEXT OF KIN .TO PREPARE THIS FORM WILL NOT BE A PROBLEM.AS SOON AS IT IS PREPARED,I SHALL FORWARD IT IN THE ACCOUNT FILE OF THE LATE BENEFICIARY.

BE INFORMED THAT WE ARE JUST THREE OFFICIALS THAT KNOW ABOUT THIS TRANSACTION,WE HAVE KEPT THIS FILE FOR OUR EYES ONLY AND MOREOVER I AM IN CHARGE OF FOREIGN OPERATIONS.

THE INDEPENDENT LAWYER I HAVE CONTACTED IS A SENIOR ADVOCATE HE WILL SWEAR AN AFFIDAVIT OF FACTS IN SUPPORT OF YOUR CLAIM AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO THE FORTUNE LEFT BEHIND BY MR DESTIN.IT IS HIS DEATH CERTIFICATE AND THE DOCUMENT FROM THE COURT THAT WILL ENABLE YOU OPERATE THIS ACCOUNT THAT HAS BEEN DORMANT FOR YEARS NOW.

THE LAWYER WILL ALSO PREPARE AN APPLICATION FOR THE RE-ACTIVATION OF THIS DORMANT ACCOUNT FOR THE IMMEDIATE RELEASE OF THIS FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT ON YOUR BEHALF.ONCE THE OFFICIALS ARE AWARE THAT THE NEXT OF KIN TO MR DESTIN IS YOU ,THEY WILL HAVE NO DOUBT THAT TO RELEASE THIS FUND WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT.

THIS DEAL IS STRAIGHT AND CLEAR.THERE IS NO RISK INVOLVED IN THIS DEAL.MOREOVER I AM IN CHARGE .ONCE THE APPLICATION HAS BEEN SUBMITTED TO THE DIRECTOR OF FOREIGN OPERATIONS,HE WILL FORWARD IT TO ME FOR APPROVAL.I AM THE OFFICER THAT WILL GIVE THE APPROVAL FOR THE IMMEDIATE RELEASE OF THIS FUND.

WE DID OUR HOME WORK VERY WELL BEFORE WE DECIDED TO TAKE THIS FUND.MR DESTIN STAYED IN BENIN REPUBLIC UNMARRIED FOR 20YRS.HIS PARENTS DIED BEFORE HE DECIDED TO SETTLE IN OUR COUNTRY AS WAS STATED IN THE IMMIGRATION FORMS HE FILLED BEFORE HE GOT A RESIDENTIAL PERMIT IN OUR COUNTRY YEARS BACK.HE DID NOT HAVE A NEXT OF KIN .HIS ACCOUNT HAS ALSO BEEN DORMANT FOR YEARS NOW.ALL I NEED IS YOUR MAXIMUM CO-OPERATION.LEAVE THE REST FOR ME TO HANDLE DOWN HERE.

FINALLY I NEED THE INFORMATION I HAD EARLIER DEMANDED FROM YOU TO ENABLE US PROCEED WITH THIS DEAL.YOUR ADDRESS,TELEPHONE NUMBER,FAX NUMBER,YOUR OCCUPATION AND YOUR BANK PARTICULARS ETC.THIS WILL ENABLE US PREPARE THESE DOCUMENTS.

IF I GET THESE INFORMATION IN 7 BANKING DAYS I WILL HAVE THIS FUND APPROVED AND RELEASE INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.FINALLY YOUR TOTAL COFIDENTIALITY IN THIS BUSINESS WILL BE APPRECIATED.I SHALL FAX THESE DOCUMENTS TO YOU FOR YOUR PERUSAL.

THANKS FOR THE UNDERSTANDING.

I AWAIT YOUR URGENT RESPONSE.

BEST REGARDS

FRANK

FRANKLIN

Date: Mon, 11 Aug 2003 22:34:53 +0100 (BST)
Subject: PROCEDURE



DEAR SIR HOW ARE YOU TODAY,I HOPE ALL IS WELL,AS SOON AS I RECEIEVE THE INFORMATION I DEMANDE FROM YOU ,WE SHALL PROCEED IMMEDIATELY.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR WILLINGNESS AND CO-OPERATION TO ASSIST IN THIS TRANSACTION.

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY.

BRGDS
FRANK

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 12 Aug 2003 08:28:22 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HELLO

HELLO

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,I HOPE YOU ARE BACK.MEANWHILE AM STILL WAITING FOR YOU TO RECEIEVE THE INFORMATION I DEMANDED FROM YOU ,SO THAT I SHALL INITIATE THE TRANSFER.

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY.

BRGDS
FRANK
I know, never correct a scammer. But he doesn't remember the lesson for long:

UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR

Frank,
Please stop typing in all capitals. It's rude. And while you are at it, use a word other than "demanding". Business partners speak more politely than that you understand.

I am spending most of my time on the road these days - I don't know if you can tell, but this is coming from the new Sprint PCS handheld - so I'm doing almost all communication via email. If you must use faxes, send them to 831xxxxxxx but it's usually a week or better till I get them. When I'm in LA, my number's 2137458761 but like I said I'm rarely there these days. If you need the corporate address, it's Leath Corp, box 221487, 2809 Airport Rd, Greenwood, SC 29649 US.

Regarding the account transfer, here are my bank account particulars.
BARCLAYS BANK
INTERNATIONAL PERSONAL ACCOUNT
PO BOX 9042, BOWATER HOUSE
68 KNIGHTSBRIDGE, LONDON
SWIX 7NT
SORT CODE 20-47-42
ACCOUNT NUMBER 74005477
ACCOUNT NAME UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR

It sounds like that should do it. Let me know when to expect the transfer so I can tell my bankers here.

Regards

That bank account combination won't work, address is a women's prison in SC, phone is a payphone in LA.

FRANKLIN

Date: Wed, 13 Aug 2003 09:08:42 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HELLO

Dear Friend

How are you today,thank you for the information you gave me concerning typing letter in capital letters.

However,i have contacted an independent attorney that will swear an affidavit in support of your claim,as soon as he is through with the affidavit by tomorrow,we shall write an application on your behalf for the release of the fund.

it is expected that the transfer of the fund,will bedonw within 8 days from the day the affidavit is through.

Well i receieve your account particulars with you mailing address.

All i need from you is your support and co-operation to achieve this transaction.

Hence,am going to send to you all the relevant papers for the release of this fund for your perusal through you e-mail as an attachment.

Have a wonderful day and always get intouch with me.iwill always keep you inform.

Brgds
FRANK
Oh good, let's get an attorney involved. But first, let me mentor you:

UNKINDLY

Franklin, no problem. It will be my honor to help mentor and tutor you in the ways of proper business. For example, when dealing with attorneys you should always contact multiple attorneys and get price quotes for their work as most attorney tasks can be done by anyone certified by the local bar. You should also check to make sure they do not have any ethics cases against them at the state or regional level.
Onward,

FRANKLIN

Date: Sat, 16 Aug 2003 04:01:53 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: see also attach file

Dear sir

How are you today,sir open an attach file it is my identity card.

have a nice day.

brgds
FRANK

FRANKLIN

Date: Sat, 16 Aug 2003 03:50:00 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: open attach file

Dear Sir

How are you today,you should open an attach file,it is the death certificate of the late beneficiary and his statement of account.

Have a nice day.

Brgds
FRANK

FRANKLIN

Date: Mon, 18 Aug 2003 03:47:27 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: open attach file:::::::from FRANK
Dear sir

How are you today,you should open an attach file,it is the affidavit in support of your claim which was sworn on your behalf by the independent attorney i contacted,together with the letter of administration.

However,the meeting for the approval of this fund will be held this afternoon,it is most likely that the fund will be approved for payment.As soon as the approval is made on your behalf,the fund will be released to yur nominated bank account immediately.

Hence,i will inform you before the end of today on the outcome of the meeting.

Have a nice day and waiting to hear from you.

Brgds
FRANK
The affidavit is a slight variation on the classic. Mr DESTIN PAL's parents died in a plane crash; he died from injuries to his head and left ankle. I guess that was his Achilles' heel!

FRANKLIN

Date: Wed, 20 Aug 2003 11:51:42 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: hi

Dear partner

how are you today,the reason for sending you all the relevant papers in support of you claim is for your perusal and also to see the extent of my homework in respect of this transaction.

hence,the approval was finally made this evening,i will send the document to you tomorrow,after which the fund will be transfered to you account,from this stage onwards the deal will be between you and the bank as you will be giving me feed back on what is happening.

also you should always keep in touch with me.you have not inform me on the type of business we are going o invest and the type of business you are doing.

by the grace of GOD we are going o receieve the fund before the end of this week.

have a nice day.

brgds
FRANK

UNKINDLY

My partner, I raise money for charities. Since you contacted me I thought you already knew that. Let me know when the money is transferred.

FRANKLIN

Date: Mon, 25 Aug 2003 02:57:36 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: hello/open an attach file Dear partner

How are you today,please open an attach file ,it is the approval that was made for the immedite release of the fund to your account.

Well ,our correspondence bank in nigeria is going to effect the payment,they where notified since friday last week,i would have contacted you and send the approval as i told you,but i went to my country side.

From now onwards the transaction is between you and the bank that will effect the payment on no account,should you tell them that it is a deal.

Hopefully,we are going to receieve the fund this week,you should follow them up with all their directives.

Also,when we receieve the fund this week ,we are going to donate 5% to any charity home you wish we are going to donate the fund to.

Always keep me inform on what is going on .once again congratulation.

have a nice day.

brgds
FRANK
No bill from the attorney? How 'bout that.

UNKINDLY

Wonderful. Let me know when the money is transferred.

The REAL Bond Bank is at bondbankng.com and has NOTHING to do with this scamosity.

FAKE BOND BANK AKA TUNDE FOWLER

Date: Mon, 25 Aug 2003 08:45:55 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: BOND BANK

BOND BANK
PLOT 721 ADEYEMO ALAKIJA STREET
VICTORIA ISLAND
LAGOS
TEL:234-803-7164815
FAX:234-I-7593246

ONLINE CREDIT VALIDATION ORDER

ATTN:MR UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR
F/X ALLOCATION NO: EXFMF-94799/2003

RE: IMMEDIATE RELEASE OF FUND AMOUNTING TO FORTY-FIVE MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS($45,000,000.00MUSD) VIDE PAYMENT CODE BDB/TRS/00125

THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR FILE FOR PAYMENT WAS BROUGHT TO THIS OFFICE FOR PAYMENT,FROM AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK,BENIN REPUBLIC.

HOWEVER I HAVE FINALIZED ALL ARRANGEMENT TO CREDIT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT THROUGH OUR HOLDEN BANK OVERSEAS THE UNION BANK OF SWITZERLAND,CITI BANK NEW YORK,ROYAL TRUST BANK SWITZERLAND IMMEDIATELY THROUGH AN ONLINE TRANSFER OF FUND INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.

WE THE BOND BANK ONLINE TRANSFER UNIT,IN LINE WITH THE INTERNATIONAL STANDARD PRACTICE OF BANKING(TREASURY MANAGEMENT SUPPORT DIRECTIVES) HAVE THE PLEASURE TO FORMALLY CONFIRM THE FINAL CREDIT APPROVAL IN FAVOR OF MR UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR THROUGH OUR CORRESPONDENCE BANK FOR ONLINE CREDIT SERVICES.

HOWEVER, FOR CORRECTNESS AND THE EFFECTIVENESS OF THE PENDING CREDIT, THE RISK CONTROL OFFICE HAS PROCEEDED WITH THE MANDATORY RECONCILIATION,RE-ROUTING AND PROMPT REVALIDATION OF THE PENDING CREDIT RECORDS AS INPUTTED IN THE SYSTEMS DATA BASE TO ENSURE APPROPRAITNESS,UPON CONCLUSION OF THE FOREGOING,WE SHALL IMMEDIATELY FORWARD THE PAYMENT CONFIRMATION CODE TO OUR ACCREDITED FOREIGN CORRESPONDENT FOR ONLINE CREDIT ADVISE WHILE YOU WILL BE COMMUNICATED SIMULTANEOUSLY BY BOND BANK ONLINE ON THE CREDIT PROCEEDING IN YOUR FAVOR.

YOU ARE ADVISED URGENTLY TO LOG ON TO OUR WEB SITE AND CLICK ON LOG IN TO ONLINE BANKING BUTTON,CLICK ON OPEN AN ONLINE ACCOUNT WITH US.AFTER OPENING AN ACCOUNT,YOU WILL HAVE YOUR USERNAME AND PASSWORD MAILED TO YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS IMMEDIATELY AND YOUR E-PIN NUMBER WILL BE FAXED TO YOU TO ENSURE ABSOLUTE CONFIDENTIALITY TO ENABLE YOU ACCESS YOUR ACCOUNT STATUS ONLINE.USE OF THESE ACCESS CODES IS THE AGREED SECURITY PROCEDURE TO ACCESS YOUR ACCOUNT ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD THROUGH THE INTERNENT EQUIPMENT.YOU ARE ADVISED TO KEEP THESE NUMBERS AND CODES CONFIDENTIAL TO PREVENT UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS TO YOUR ACCOUNT AND TO PREVENT UNAUTHORIZED USE OF THE SERVICES. FOR SECURITY PURPOSES,WE RECOMEND THAT YOU DO NOT USE THE SAME ACCESS CODES YOU USE ON OTHER BANK PRODUCTS.

BASED ON THIS YOU ARE REQUIRED TO RECONFIRM YOUR BANKING DETAILS WITH THIS OFFICE AND ALSO FAX A COPY OF YOUE INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT OR DRIVERS LICENCE FOR IDENTIFICATION.

ONCE I RECEIVE THE INFORMATION,YOUR FUND WILL BE CERDITED TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT WITH US,BOND BANK WILL ACKNOWLEDGE AND THEN GIVE YOU TRANSFER DETAILS ON HOW TO TRANSFER YOUR FUND TO ANY BANK ELSEWHERE IN THE WORLD

YOURS FAITHFULLY

TUNDE FOWLER
GENERAL MANAGER
OPERATION AND SYSTEMS DIVISION
BOND BANK

"Tunde Fowler" gets his email courtesy of a fake bank site, http://www.bdbplc.com and also via Yahoo. Site registrant listed his city and state as Lagos, FL 23401. Okay, so the Florida part is not quite believable. If you'd like to ask him about that, try iya_abubakar@yahoo.com - it's the same guy as the bank directors in this saga.

UNKINDLY

Mr Fowler, this is highly unusual as I am certain you are aware that some of your requirements go well beyond standard banking protocol. Please provide cross references to the DomSit Act passages that are relevant to these requests.

My account information has been previously provided: (pasted it in)

I tried signing up online but kept getting a Page Not Found error during the Submit. Tell your Web guys they did a poor job. You can manually enter me into the system if need be, but I really don't see the need for this as I already have an account as specified above.

TUNDE FOWLER

Date: Tue, 26 Aug 2003 03:08:12 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: BOND BANK 1

ATTN:Unkindly Contributor

THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT WE ACKNOWLEDGE THE OPENING OF YOUR ONLINE ACCOUNT WITH BOND BANK.

HOWEVER,YOUR MAIL WAS WELL RECEIEVED ,BUT YOU SHOULD MIND THE WAY YOU TALK TO US,WE CANNOT GO CONTRARY TO OUR RULES AND REGULATION GUARDING OUR BANK.

HENCEFORTH,WE ARE SUPRISE THAT YOU CANNOT OPEN OR ENTER OUR WEBSITE AS YOU SAID,WE HAVE A LOT OF CUSTOMERS ALL OVER THE WORLD AND THE DO NOT FIND IT DIFFICULT TO ENTER OUR WEBSITE.

PRIOR TO THAT,YOU SHOULD CARRY OUR INSTRUCTIONS AS IT IS GIVEN TO YOU,WE ARE A VERY BUSY BANK AND HAVE A LOT OF CUSTOMERS TO ATTEND TO.

OUR DUTY IS TO GURRANTEE CUSTOMERS SATISFACTION.

YOURS FAITHFULLY

TUNDE FOWLER
BOND BANK

UNKINDLY

I would be happy to use your site if it worked. Please let me know when you fix it.

TUNDE FOWLER

Date: Tue, 26 Aug 2003 03:15:56 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: YOUR E-PIN

ATTN:Unkindly Contributor

THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT WE TRIED SENDING YOUR E-PIN VIA YOUR FAX LINE BUT WE EXPERIENCE SOME DIFFICULTIES IN SENDING IT.

HOWEVER,YOUR E-PIN NUMBER IS 6 4 X F X B 3 8 H V V J .

YOU,ARE ADVISE TO LOG ON OUR WEBSITE WITH YOUR USERNAME ,PASSWORD AND E-PIN TO MONITOR YOUR ACCOUNT STATUS ONLINE.YOU SHOULD NOTE THAT YOUR USERNAME,PASSWORD AND E-PIN ALL MUST BE IN SMALL LETTERS.

YOURS FAITHFULLY

TUNDE FOWLER
BOND BANK.

Conveniently, 80.179.254.138 is the originating IP for email from both Tunde Fowler and Franklin Jago.

TUNDE FOWLER

Date: Tue, 26 Aug 2003 03:54:38 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: BOND BANK

ATTN:Unkindly Contributor

THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR MAIL WAS WELL RECEIEVED.

THE QUESTION WE WANT TO ASK YOU IS HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO OPEN AN ACCOUNT WITH US,WHICH SITE DID YOU ENTER AND OPEN THE ACCOUNT,IS NOT OUR WEBSITE.

HENCEFORTH,THEIR IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WITH OUR WEBSITE,IT IS WORKING AND IT IS OKAY.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TO TYPE IN THE ADDRESS BAR THEN YOU CAN ACCESS OUR WEBSITE.

WE STILL AWAIT YOUR PASSPORT IDENTIFICATION.

YOURS FAITHFULLY

TUNDE FOWLER
BOND BANK

Time to start denying them a passport.

UNKINDLY

As you are well aware, that information is not required by the international DomSit Act protocols. I have already provided the other required information and that is all that is needed. If you'd like I can contact a lawyer here and have him explain the legal issues to you but I would prefer to forego that expense.

TUNDE FOWLER

Date: Tue, 26 Aug 2003 03:19:00 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: YOUR PASSPORT IDENTIFICATION

ATTN:Unkindly Contributor

THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT WE ARE STILL WAITING TO RECEIEVE YOUR PASSPORT IDENTIFICATION THROUGH E-MAIL AS AN ATTCHMENT.

WE HAVE FINALISED ARRANGEMENT TO CREDIT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT WITH US THROUGH OUR CORRESPONDENCE BANK ABROAD,AFTER WHICH WE ARE GOING TO GIVE YOU TRANSFER DETAILS ON HOW TO TRANSFER YOUR FUND TO ANY BANK ELSEWHERE IN THE WORLD.

HENCEFORTH,AS SOON AS WE RECEIEVE YOUR PASSPORT IDENTIFICATION,WE ARE GOING TO ADVISE YOU ON THE CREDIT PROCEEDINGS.

YOURS FAITHFULLY

TUNDE FOWLER
BOND BANK

UNKINDLY

Sure. First, please send your DomSit Act protocol exclusion form for my review. Otherwise you can just direct your requests to my attorney. Frankly I have never dealt with such unprofessional banking people. I hope you take that as constructive criticism and start acting like a professional. I look forward to dealing with your bank.
Btw, please provide your manager's email address to me.
Thank you

TUNDE FOWLER

Date: Tue, 26 Aug 2003 08:38:47 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: INFORMATION
THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR MAIL WAS WELL RECEIEVED.

HOWEVER,WE WANT TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU SHOULD NOT TELL US THE WAY WE ARE GOING TO CARRY OUR WORK,WE HAVE RULES AND REGULATIONS GUIDIING OUR BANK AND WE CANNOT GO CONTRARY TO IT.

WHETHER YOUR COMMENT IS CONSTRUCTIVE OR NOT,WE DO NOT WANT TO KNOW,THIS IS NIGERIA AND THIS IS THE WAY WE HAVE BEEN DOING AND HANDLING OUR TRANSACTION WITH OUR NUMEROUS CUSTOMERS.

HENCEFORTH,YOU MUST SEND YOUR PASSPORT IDENTIFICATION ,OTHERWISE WE ARE NOT GOING TO ADVISE YOU ON THE CREDIT PROCEEDINGS,WE DO THAT TO KNOW THE PERSON WE ARE DEALING WITH,IF IN YOUR COUNTRY BANKS DO NOT ASK FOR PASSPORT IDENTIFICATION,WE DO ASK IT HERE IN NIGERIA.

FINALLY,I AM THE GENERAL MANAGER SYSTEM AND OPERATION OF THIS BANK,PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME HOW TO CARRY MY WORK IN MY OFFICE.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TO FOLLOW OUR INSTRUCTIONS AND DO WHAT YOU WHERE ASK TO DO.

WE AWAIT YOUR PASSPORT IDENTIFICATION.

YOURS FAITHFULLY

TUNDE FOWLER
BOND BANK

UNKINDLY

Your message did not include the DomSit Act protocol exclusions, so I am left to assume that you do not have any and therefore have no right to request let alone receive foreign passport information. Please provide a copy of those protocol exclusions WHICH ARE MANDATED BY THE US STATE DEPARTMENT.

I ask again for the contact information for your manager. I do not believe someone with such poor command of the English language and such belligerent attitude could possibly rise above the office of mail clerk.

Kind regards

Franklin wants to know if the money has shown up yet:

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 26 Aug 2003 09:14:52 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: hi

Dear friend

how are you today,have you receieve the fund ,you should inform me on what is going on.

well,i want to inform you that i took a casual leave from my office to enable me travel to nigeria to monitor things,i will be leaving first thing tomorrow morning.

as soon as i arrive nigeria i will inform you,i will stay for somedays,once you confirm to me that you have receieve the fund,i will make arrangement and start coming over to your country immediately.

i will get a handy line in nigeria so that you can call me in order to communicate.follow the bank up ,you know is strictly between you and the bank now.

have a wonderful day and looking forward receiving the fund this week.

brgds
FRANK
When in doubt, insult his alter egos:

UNKINDLY

Frank, unfortunately the bank you chose to use seems to be staffed by idiots. Numbskulls. Morons. Perhaps their ancestors were goats, I don't know. All I know is they are highly unprofessional and their web site design skills are atrocious.

I tell you this because I fear that their poor behaviour may soil your reputation by association. I strongly urge you to fire them immediately and do business with a more trustworthy association. If you don't then I may do so on our behalf.

UNKINDLY

Frank, I'm really worried about this banker guy. I think he may be trying to defraud you. Unless he shapes up immediately we should use a different bank.

August 27 - A landmark day. Frank "arrives" in Nigeria. Sort of like when Laverne and Shirley suddenly moved to California, only this one's funny. We were supposed to have the money by today.

FRANKLIN

Date: Wed, 27 Aug 2003 03:36:41 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: please you should follow the bank up

Dear partner

how are you i write to inform you that i arrived nigeria at about 10.30am.i have gone for a handy line i shall give you the number in the next 2hrs so that you will call me in order to discuss.

well i saw you mail,but i want to inform you that you should trust bond bank they are very reliable and efficient,all you have to do is to follow their instructions what matters most is for us to receieve the fund and nothing else.

i will go to the bank any moment from now,i shall inform you later on.

please follow them up very well they very reliable and a no nonsense bank.

have anice day.

brgds
FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, so far Bond Bank has been nothing but nonsense. Their website looks like it was designed by monkeys and this Mr Tunde is a lying moron. "The customer is always right" is a phrase he is not familiar with, and I fear he is trying to scam you. Have you ever met this idiot? He is clueless about the DomSit Act protocols.

Maybe there is somebody else at the bank who has a brain.

Think you can insult their manager dude and get away with it? Check out the elevator bar on the right side of your browser. The fun's just starting.

TUNDE FOWLER

Date: Wed, 27 Aug 2003 02:36:03 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: TREAT AS URGENT

ATTN:Unkindly Contributor

THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR MAIL WAS WELL RECEIEVED.

HOWEVER,WE WANT TO INFORM YOU THAT IF YOU DO NOT COMPLY WITH OUR DIRECTIVES BY THE END OF WORK TODAY,THE BANK WILL HAVE NO OPTION THAN TO STOP FURTHER COMMUNICATION WITH YOU IMMEDIATELY.

WE AWAIT YOUR PASSPORT IDENTIFICATION,SO THAT WE SHOULD ADVISE YOU ON THE CREDIT PROCEEDINGS IMMEDIATELY.

YOURS FAITHFULLY

TUNDE FOWLER
BOND BANK

UNKINDLY

Mr Fowler, please provide the contact information for your manager. Your lack of attention to international banking regulations will lead to your dismissal shortly. Sorry you leave me no other choice. I still am waiting for your DomSit Act protocol exclusion documentation. Have that on my desk by the end of business today or you will be replaced by someone with a modicum of knowledge in this field.

UNKINDLY

Frank,
What's up?

Frank advises apologizing to his alter ego:

FRANKLIN

Date: Thu, 28 Aug 2003 02:55:12 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: look at what you should do

Dear partner

how are you today,am very disappointed the way you are taking this transaction i met mr fowler and he narrated me how far he has gone with you.

infact let me tell you one thing banking system is not the same every where in the world,the mode of banking in your country can be quiet different from the mode of banking in my country.

infact you should apologise to mr fowler for using harsh words on him,do you know that he is a manager in bond bank and moreover he is the person in charge to the release of our fund.their is no way we are going to receieve this fund without the involvement of mr fowler.he is the person that will release the fund.

please you should stop talking the way you are talking be a gentleman that man is very gentle.you should send the passport they told you to send to them immediately,because he is bent on stoopping further communication with you.

contact mr fowler immediately apologise to him and send the passport immediately,their is no cause for alarm and moreover am down here to monitor things.

i will activate my handy line this afternoon,after which i will give you my number in order to call me.

have a nice day and apologise to mr fowler and send the passport and informme.

brgds
FRANK
Remember that part for later - Mr Fowler is the only one who can release the fund.

UNKINDLY

Frank,
Sure thing. As soon as Mr Fowler apologizes for his behavior we can continue. But you should pursue using someone else as he cannot provide the basic documentation required to justify his requests. Just looking out for you, since Mr Fowler isn't.

Time to solicit business for my mentoring consulting:

UNKINDLY

Mr Fowler,
I have read back through your last emails and have decided to give you a second chance. Please send me your apology for your rude tone and your behaviour to date. You probably did not know this but I often mentor young businessmen and this would probably be a good fit - you obviously need assistance in performing the duties of business in a coherent way and I am able to provide that mentoring. Normally I charge a steep fee and this is tied in with a three-day course in business communications that runs about $1500 per student just for the class. Maybe there are others in your organization who also need help in basic professional communications. If you can get 6 of them together it would probably be worth it for me to travel there and do the class. Let me know.

I looked through the emails and did not see any documentation of the DomSit Act exclusion protocols, so my passport is staying in my safe deposit box. Since identity theft is so prevalent these days, I'm sure you understand the need for that as a banking guy. I have already provided my address and bank account information. Now abide by international banking laws and do your job.

I have another class I teach that you may be interested in as well, on microeconomics, let me know and I can send out a syllabus.

Please send your apology as soon as possible so our business may continue.

Frank doubts my sanity. Shockingly, his second paragraph is accurate although not for the reasons he thinks:

FRANKLIN

Date: Fri, 29 Aug 2003 11:00:07 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: apologise to mr fowler immediately

Dear partner
how are you today,frankly speaking am very disappointed in you,how could mr fowler apologise to you,are you insane.

let me tell you,you are trying to frustrate my efforts towards this transaction,i went to mr fowlers office today ,he is bent on not communicating with you ,that you are mannerless.

please do not be stupid about this transaction,i have only few days to stay in nigeria as you are aware.

mr unkindly you should apologise to mr fowler immediately,and send your passport identification as requested by him now.

FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, I am looking out for your best interests. I don't know what Mr Fowler is trying to do other than foul things up. He is asking for personal data he is NOT entitled to. He is not following standard banking law. He is not providing simple documentation that was requested ages ago. And he is a rude moron. I have demanded he apologize to me before I will do any more business communications with him. I urge you to do the same - there is 45 million dollars at stake and he will rob you blind I think.

Tell Mr Fowler to either start behaving professionally or get bent. I have offered my business mentoring services to him and hopefully he will take advantage of those. He has much to learn. Go over his head and see if his boss can work with us instead.

In the meantime, I have been contacted by a lawyer in Nigeria. He sounds reasonable and professional, much better than this Mr Fowler guy. I will follow up with him and ask him to contact you regarding a business transaction - I will not disclose your private information to him.

Have a pleasant weekend.

Time to out the bank guy - Frank's partner. I really thought this would end it, but we're only a fifth of the way through:

UNKINDLY

Yo Tunde -
Game's up, pal. I know you're a fraudster trying to scam my pal Franklin. What percentage do you really think you can get of his money? Tell you what, we can work together on this. We both know you're not bright enough to be a banker and your English sucks. I'll agree to go 50/50 with you after we deduct for expenses. That's extremely generous- I could just report you to the 419 authorities - so don't give me any crap.

That should have ended it. Not a chance.

Chapter 2: SEPTEMBER.

Oh, we're just getting started... While he figures out how to keep me on the hook, Frank has a cab accident:

FRANKLIN

Date: Mon, 1 Sep 2003 12:31:38 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: problem and how to solve it

Dear partner
how are you today,sorry for not have contacted you i have a cab accident here in nigeria.
well i receieve you mail ,but let me tell you one thing without mr fowler their is no way we should receieve the fund,it is only bond bank that will pay us,no other bank else.
please you should apologise to mr fowler he is a gentle man and he is not trying to rub us,had it been you complied with him,by now we must have receieve the fund,you are delaying the whole thing.

contact mr fowler and send your passport as demanded by him ,from my investigation he is doing business the way is been done in their bank.

please do not mess this transaction up and moreover you should stop contacting the lawyer in nigeria .do not tell anybody about this transaction,it is strictly between me,you and the bank.

call me with this number anytime of the day 234-80-33356036.
have a nice day.
brgds
FRANK

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 2 Sep 2003 04:42:42 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: treat as urgent

Dear partner

how are you today,please you should apologise to mr fowler immediately,otherewise we are not going to receieve this fund ,he is the only one and the officer in charge of our fund.
have a nice day and be a gentleman and do apologise immediately.

brgds
FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, that's stupid. A bank is there to provide service. If they are incapable of providing service then use a different bank. Sheesh, do I have to do all the thinking for us? Mr Fowler still has not apologized to me.

Every time I get a reply from this guy I'm amazed. Frank pities poor Mr Fowler.

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 2 Sep 2003 09:54:47 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: treat as urgent

Dear partner
how are you today,it is not mr fowler that will apologise to you,it is you that will apologise to him,i went to his office and he told me how you use unpleasant words to him,i really pitied him.

also,you should bear in mind that our payment will only be effected through bond bank no any other bank ,since my bank gave them the approval to do so,and i am not in any position to effect any change of bank that will effect the transfer.

look at what you will write to mr fowler that if you err him in anyway that he should forgive you ,write it and forward to him immediately and get back to me.

have a nice day.
brgds
FRANK
What the heck, go more over the top and see how he responds. Edited the reference to Bond Bank so Googling them provides proper context for this assertion:

UNKINDLY

Frank,
Here is what I will write to Mr Fowler. You tell me if I need to change anything:

Dear Mr Fowler,
Mr Fowler, I am still waiting for your apology for the way you have treated me and my partner to date. There are three areas you need to apologize for, just to be specific:

1. I do not appreciate the way you propositioned me to trade physical favors in return for business. I do not favor the company of men. Nothing wrong with that but I prefer women. I simply don't approve of the sort of quid pro quo bribery you seem to desire.
2. As you have never provided the DomSit Act exclusion protocol documentation, there is no need for anything beyond what you have already been given for you to finally start to do your job.
3. You seem to have forgotten that banks provide services to customers, not the other way around. If you don't like providing services to customers you should get out of the banking business. And while you are at it you should take a class in basic English language skills.
Kind regards

Frank, I don't believe that beating around the bush with this guy. If he does not apologize immediately, pull your money out. Don't give me this crap about it can only be done through Bond Bank - it's money, just pull it out and deposit it somewhere else, SO SIMPLE EVEN A CHILD CAN DO IT, DON'T TELL ME YOU CAN'T. AS FAR AS I CAN TELL, [THE FAKE] BOND BANK SUCKS.

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 2 Sep 2003 09:57:42 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: you should send your passport to mr fowler immediately

Dear partner

also you should send your passport as requested by mr fowler today ,infact immediately you receieve this mail.

you are delaying this transaction,send your passport to them so that we shall receieve the fund.what matters is for us to receieve the fund .

am still waiting for your call my number is 234-80-33356036

FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank,
MR FOWLER is the one delaying the transaction. Complain to him, not me. I hope you have not given that idiot a copy of your passport, that fool will probably try to use it for identity theft. He STILL has not apologized to me. Get your money in a bank that is smart enough not to hire a moron like Fowler.

UNKINDLY

Frank, did you fire that moron yet?

FRANKLIN

Date: Wed, 3 Sep 2003 10:12:08 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Re: update

Dear partner

how are you today,you are delaying this transaction,look at what you will write to mr fowler that if you unkindly contributor err him in anyway that he should forgive him.also you should send your passport identification to him,you can send any passport,what matters most is to receieve the fund.

contact mr fowler immediately ,because my bank gave bond bank the approval to offset the payment no any other bank again.

FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, what are you saying? I am the one pushing this forward. I sent you the letter I can send to Mr Fowler. Do you have any problem with that letter? If not, just forward it on to that idiot.

How on earth could you be forced to deal with only one bank? That makes NO SENSE to me and it makes less sense every time you say it. March in there and withdraw it. BE A MAN!

UNKINDLY

Tunde,
I haven't heard back from you. Let me know today or you will be joining Maurice Ibekwe soonest.

Ibekwe's a jailed 419er.

FRANKLIN

Date: Thu, 4 Sep 2003 04:07:01 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: you must apologise to mr fowler

Dear partner

how are you today,frankly speaking i am disappointed in you,the letter you forwarded to me concerning mr fowler is wrong ,how can you address to him like that.

please do not send the letter you wrote to him ,forward the one i drafted for you to him.

you must apologise to mr fowler immediately.

take note i cannot withdraw the fund to any bank i am not in position to do that.okay.

apologise to mr fowler

FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, I don't have a letter you sent for me to send to Mr Fowler so I can't send it I haven't even read it. Just forward on the letter I sent to you to send to him I sent that a few days ago so I expected you had already read it and sent it to him. But he has not apologized yet for his behavior I do not think I should have to trade physical favors for actions on his part when it is YOUR MONEY TO BEGIN WITH! Now go get the money and put it in a reliable bank until Mr Fowler learns to act like a professional.

Did he proposition you too? First it's that kind of demand, the next thing you know he will want a money bribe. Thank GOD I'm here to help otherwise he would be trying to take advantage of you.

STAY STRONG MY PARTNER.

"You can send any passport to him."

FRANKLIN

Date: Thu, 4 Sep 2003 10:16:23 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: please do this thing

Dear partner

look at what you will forward to mr fowler that if you err him in anyway that he should forgive you.

also,you can send any passport to him,what matters most is to receive the fund from the bank.

whether mr fowler is professional or not,what matters is to receieve the fund.

i am strong but this is no time for long argument,just do what i say so that we shall receioeve the fund.

frank

UNKINDLY

Frank,
Will do.

UNKINDLY

Tunde,
I still haven't heard back from you. Do you want a part of this money or not? Maurice Ibekwe is in jail for being a 419er and you'll join him soon since you can't convince anybody you're a real banker. How stupid do you think people are? I mean beside Frank the idiot.
Here's my apology: I apologize for not calling you an idiot after your first ridiculously pathetic email. Now tell Frank you're handing it off to a real banker and bow out or get in line you 419 mugu moron.

Think calling him a "419 mugu moron" will end it? Nope!

There are three great temptations - to be relevant, to be extraordinary, and to be powerful. Frank gives me the power to save him:

Frank needs $800:

FRANKLIN

Date: Fri, 5 Sep 2003 05:22:55 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: please help

Dear partner
how are you today,please i have over stayed the number of days i planned staying in nigeria.

my hotel accomodation has expired and i am stranded now.

please i need you favor to eat food and also to pay for the rest of the days i will stay in nigeria before the fund is transfered to your account.

please do send to me $800usd in order to pay for the hotel accomodatio and feeding.

please pay using the name of the receptionist

mr ohajekwe chidozie,lagos-nigeria.

please send the control number and the test question to me immediately,so that i will give the receptionist to collect the money for me as i cannot collect it due to the fact i do not have a nigerian passport or nigerian driving licence.

have a nice day and remain bless.

brgds
frank

UNKINDLY

Who is this ohajekwe guy? How do I know he can be trusted? I have a better idea, since you trust this Fowler person at the bank I can just do an account transfer to the bank and then you can withdraw it. Have Fowler set up the account today and send me the transfer details.

Stay strong,

FRANKLIN

Date: Fri, 5 Sep 2003 11:56:48 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: please help i am stranded

Dear partner
how are you today,please you should send it through chidozie ohajekwe ,as i told you he is a receptionist at the hotel where i am staying ,he is a very nice ,well trusted guy,above all he is a good christain.if you send the money through him it must definitely reach to me.

do not use mr fowler ,i went to his office this afternoon and he told me that you insulted him.

please am making arrangement through my bank to give an approval through any of our correspondence bank in nigeria here since i am in nigeria now to offset the payment.but that should be by monday.

all is well and under control.please i need the money immediately,the $800usd i am already stranded.

you should pay through western union money transfer,send the money control number and the test question to me,with it i will go to the bank with the receptionist.

pay with chidozie ohajekwe,lagos nigeria.

have a nice day.

FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, that is insane! I want to send you the money securely. I will not send it to some boy who will run off with it! That would be nuts! Just walk into Bond Bank and get an account set up and send me the transfer numbers. Why the hell would anybody use Western Union? I didn't even know they were still in business, I thought they died when the telephone replaced the telegraph.

Mr Fowl-up lied to you, I apologized to him but now I think that I gave him too much credit. He is just trying to steal from you I think.

Are the girls cute there?

FRANKLIN

Date: Sat, 6 Sep 2003 01:31:44 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: i am stranded,do not delay

Dear partner
how are ou today,your mail was well receieved.however i do not have any money to open an account with bond bank.

well i was told that i can collect the money with my ecowas passport,please send it with my name mr franklin jago,lagos nigeria,through western union money transfer and send the money control number and the test question,it is convinient and faster.

i am already stranded in nigeria ,am finding it difficult to feed myself.the hotel where i am staying gave me uptill this afternoon to pay them or else they will throw me out of the hotel.please help out.

meanwhile i have finalised arrangement with my bank to change the bank that will effect the payment by monday.

please send the money now i am stranded.

have a nice day.
brgds
FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank,

Sorry, I got your message late. It makes no sense to me to send money through Western Union, that's what poor people do. I can send you a check through the mail or wire the money to a bank account, that would be almost immediate. You don't need money to set up a checking account. Let me know when your account is ready. Can't you just use the one you had back home?

UNKINDLY

Frank,

Any word? The money hasn't been deposited into my account yet.

Not just hunger - hunger AND starvation. With eviction thrown in too:

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 9 Sep 2003 05:17:59 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: treat as urgent

Dear partner
how are you today,i am still waiting to receieve the money control number and the test question from you. please i am stranded in nigeria help out i am dying of hunger and starvation and last night i slept in the hotel reception as they have throw my things outside.

have you heard from our affilate bank the all states trust bank plc.

as soon as you hear from them,you should inform me immediately.

have a nice day and waiting to receieve the money from you.
brgds
frank

Fortunately there are free Internet terminals in the reception halls of hotels and the streets outside - right?

UNKINDLY

Frank, what control number are you talking about? I don't know what you mean. I have not heard from any bank. I hope you are well.
Stay strong

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 9 Sep 2003 06:34:34 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: treat as urgent

Dear partner
how are you today,what is wrong with you can"t you hear or understand what i am writing to you.
the control number i mean is the money control number from western unin money transfer.
you should pay the money as i told you using my name i am stranded in nigeria.what is friends for.

FRANK
There's a real mission in Edo:

UNKINDLY

Frank,
I see, you say control number is something to do with Western Unin. I've never used Western Union before and I don't know anyone who ever has. Isn't there a bank account to transfer to? That would be much more reliable. Or I could send a check if you give an address.

I found a place that helps people who have been tossed out. Are you near some place called Edo City? I will be tied up in meetings most of today but you will be in my thoughts.

Dying Seriously of hunger:

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 9 Sep 2003 07:03:22 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: treat as urgent 3

Dear friend

the control number am talking is the money control number from western union,they will give you the control number when you pay the money at their office.

i am dying seriously of hunger .please do not fail to send the money today.
brgds
FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, good news! I have heard from the mission in Edo and they will host you and feed you. They say it is on U**** Street. Is that near by? I hope so. It's a sister church to my congregation here. Blessings,

Forget about the indispensable Mr Fowler, a new bank will help us!

UNKINDLY

Date: Tue, 9 Sep 2003 12:40:45 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: info Dear friend

how are you today,please you should send the money immediately through western union money transfer that is the only and fastest way you should send it to me,in nigeria you are required to open an account with money.

please send the money now i am stranded,send it and give me the control number,together with the test question.

forget anything about mr fowler,our affiliate bank all states bank plc here in nigeria is going to pay us now,my bank has forwarded your contact details to them,they are going to pay the money now through international bank draft.

you should always send me what they send to you ,in order to monitor things.

have a nice day and send the money now through western union money transfer it is not for poor people as you said,even if it is for poor people i am poor ,my only hope lies in that fund.

have a nice day.
brgds
FRANK
Two minutes later:

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 9 Sep 2003 12:42:43 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: send the money

Dear friend
you should send the money now ,infact i am disappointed in you ,your friend is in need and you cannot do anything,what is wrong with you.send it through western union ,go to any bank that operates western union and send the money.

FRANK
Wait, maybe now we can go back and use Bond Bank!

UNKINDLY

Frank, does the Bond Bank do Western Union?

The insults commence. Well, I'm not the one getting thrown out of imaginary hotels. I only get thrown out of real ones.

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 9 Sep 2003 14:02:15 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: do not be stupid

Dear friend
frankly speaking,you are very stupid and hopless,how do you expect me to travel to another part of nigeria why i am in lagos,edo is very far from lagos.

are you insane,please i am not going anywhere ,please send the money today,can you hear me.

FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, I am not familiar with all the customs in your country but in mine it is not appropriate to call a friend stupid and hopless. I was told Edo should be reachable for you. The mission church has authorization from me to disperse money to so you should go there and pick it up. That is not insane, that is caring and compassionate. It is a good thing for you that I authorized that money before I got this insulting email.

I expect a full apology immediately.

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 9 Sep 2003 20:33:32 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: urgent

Dear partner
have you paid the money through western union money transfer.you should send the control number immediately.as am talking with you i slept in the reception again.
i find it very difficult to believe that you can not just send this money as i told you.

send the money now.
FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, clear something up for me. You have $45 million in the bank. Why can you not use that money for a hotel room? Or a house? Or a palace? I manage money for lots of people all the time. I have not found anyone who has a large sum of money that they can't touch. Even if it's in a trust you can borrow against it. Do I have to do the thinking for both of us? If you're starving while a millionaire, show a little creativity and borrow against the principal. I'm confused why you would choose to be poor.

UNKINDLY

Yo Tunde, loan Frank some money so he doesn't starve to death. Don't be a moron.

Frank decides there is something wrong with me.

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 9 Sep 2003 12:38:46 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: treat as urgent Dear partner
infact their is something wrong with you,simply go to bank that operates western union and send the money with them and send the money control number. am telling you that i m frsutrated ,i do not have a place to sleep as of today,is most likely i will sleep in the reception again.

send the money immediately what is wrong with ou.

FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank I am hurt by your tone and am still waiting for your apology.

There is nothing wrong with me. I have told you that the mission is expecting you but you refuse to go. If you are too proud to reach out for help then maybe there is something wrong with you.

I have asked Mr Fowler to intercede on my behalf and loan you money. I don't know why you ask for Western Union instead that is just silly. There are much better alternatives but you don't want to use them and refuse the help I arranged.

I await your apology. Given your tone of voice to me I think you should try the ways I have already found help for you and clean your mouth out with soap before you ask any further assistance.

Enter the new bank! Motto: "We're too cheap to set up another fake domain"

DR D.P. IYABI, ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC

DR D.P. IYABI, ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC
Date: Wed, 10 Sep 2003 10:32:34 +0100 (BST)
Subject: PAYMENT OF US$45MILLION

ATTN: UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR

DEAR SIR
THIS IS TO NOTIFY YOU THAT WE HAVE RECEIVED AND CONFIRMED INSTRUCTIONS FROM ONE OF OUR BANKING AFFILIATES THE MIDDLE BANK OF BENIN REPUBLIC TO PAY YOU THE SUM OF US$45MILLION(FORTY FIVE MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS ONLY).

THIS PAYMENT WILL BE EXECUTED TO YOU BY INTERNATIONAL BANK DRAFT WHICH WILL BE RAISED IN YOUR FAVOR AND DRAWN FROM OUR CORRESPONDENCE BANK IN NEW YORK.

ONCE THE BANK DRAFT IS RAISED IN YOUR FAVOR IT WILL BE INSURED WITH THE NIGERIAN DEPOSIT INSURANCE CORPORATION(NDIC) FOR SAFETY IN LINE WITH THE NIGERIAN BANKING POLICY OF 1999.

BASED ON THIS YOU ARE REQUIRED TO CONFIRM TO US THE NAME YOU WANT THE DRAFT TO BE RAISED ON, YOUR MAILING ADDRESS AND YOUR TEL/FAX NUMBERS FOR EASY COMMUNICATION.

ONCE THE INFORMATION IS RECEIVED` THE BANK DRAFT WILL BE RAISED IN YOUR FAVOR AND YOU WILL BE ADVICED ACCORDINGLY.

YOURS FAITHFULLY

DR D.P. IYABI
MANAGING DIRECTOR
CHIEF EXECUTIVE, ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC

Gosh, I wonder if that insurance thing will come up later.

UNKINDLY

UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR spells the Dr's name backwards, no notice is paid:

Dr Ibayi, my contact information is as follows:
Unkindly Contributor, Leath Corp, box box 2221487, 2809 Airport Rd, Greenwood, SC 29649, USA. Phone is 2137458761 but I'm not there most of the time. Fax is 831xxxxxxx.

Regards

FRANKLIN APOLOGIZES. Remember this for tomorrow's entry:

FRANKLIN

Date: Wed, 10 Sep 2003 11:07:31 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: accept my apology

Dear friend

how are you,if i offended you in anyway,please forgive me ,i am only frustratted ,that was why i talked to you like that.
well i want to bring it to your notice that i do not have access to that money now,remember it is a dormant account.
i can only have access only when you receieve the fund,remenmber every claim is in your name,i am here to monitor things and on no account should you tell the bank that it is a deal.

accept my apology once more.
have a nice day.
brgds
FRANK

FRANKLIN

Date: Wed, 10 Sep 2003 11:09:07 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: i cannot go to edo Dear friend

i want to tell you that i cannot go to edo state as you told me.it is very far,i do not have such time to waste what matters to me is to receieve the fund.

okay
FRANK
"please!please!! please!!! :

FRANKLIN

Date: Wed, 10 Sep 2003 11:17:49 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: are you there

Dear friend

i send three mails to you,i have apologise from the depth of my heart.

please!please!! please!!! send the money through western union money transfer today.

try to understand my situation now,i left my family since almost week and some days.

have anice day.
FRANK
Frank, now dying of hunger AND starvation, reports that the Bond Bank does not offer Western Union transfers. I am shocked. And I can round up the request to $1000.

FRANKLIN

Date: Wed, 10 Sep 2003 11:13:11 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: send the money now(treat as urgent)

Dear friend

i am still waiting to rceieve the money from you through wester union money transfer.you should simply go to any bank that ofers such service and send the money immediately to me ,be a gentleman and do that immediately,i am dying of hunger and starvation.

you should send the money using my name mr franklin jago,lagos-nigeria,through western union money transfer immediately and send the control number from western union money transfer with the test question.

bond bank do not offer western union money transfer .

send the money today unfailingly,you can round it to $1000usd.

FRANK
I was traveling for another bait, so I kept the stories synched:

UNKINDLY

Frank, I am now in Holland, arrived this morning and am very tired. Why didn't you go to Edo? I had everything set up and people expecting you now you make me look like a fool to my church friends. I extend the offer again, the mission is waiting for you.

You say I can go to any bank so I will look for a Bond Bank here to transfer money to the Bond Bank in Lagos. I do not know Amsterdam well so it may take me some time.
God bless

FRANKLIN

Date: Thu, 11 Sep 2003 05:01:07 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: still waiting to receieve the money from western union

Dear friend
how are you tody,am still waiting o receieve the money control number and the test question from wester union money transfer.
have a nice day.
FRANK

FRANKLIN

Date: Thu, 11 Sep 2003 05:02:18 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: inform me

Dear friend
how are you tody,have you heard from the bank all states trust bank plc.you should inform me on what is going on.
have a nice day.
FRANK
Oh, if only I'd told him I was going to Holland his scambuddies would have guaranteed my safety, I'm certain:

FRANKLIN

Date: Thu, 11 Sep 2003 05:52:24 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: treat as urgent

Dear friendv how are you,you never told me that you are travelling,well thank god that you arrived safely. well give you church member in edo my number to call me now ,so that i can arrange on how to get the money.

my number is 234-80-33356036.

inform me on what is going on between you and the bank.
FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank I heard from somebody at the bank I think. I gave them my contact information. Do they have a web site? I still haven't found a Bond Bank here. For the mission, you need to go there so they can provide you with a place to stay under their roof you understand.

The starving and homeless Frank is insulted at the suggestion that he would visit a shelter. Pride in jeopardy, he melts down.

That final offer is one I'm going to have to refuse -

FRANKLIN

Date: Thu, 11 Sep 2003 12:01:08 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: urgent/send the money today Dear friend

how are you ,infact you are provoking me ,you are very stupiud and useless.

what do you take me for ,do you think i am a destitute.to hell with you and your mission people

please am seek and tired of you stupid behaviour,if you cannot send the money as i told you today,to hell with you.

you should send the money immediately,i am stranded as i told you,do you want me to lick you ass for this money.it takes nothing to send the money go to western union in holland and send it .

meanwhile you should comply with the bank.

FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, what on earth are you talking about????? I am bending over backwards to help you! Do I think you are "destitute"? Well, you have put yourself in that position and I have found someone willing to put a roof over your head and a warm meal inside you and YOU INSULT ME! I demand an apology! I cannot believe your poor attitude, no wonder the bank refused to work with you. I have heard from the bank and I will continue to work with them pending the apology you owe me. Nobody here has ever heard of Bond Bank.

DR D.P. IYABI, ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC

Date: Fri, 12 Sep 2003 11:04:14 +0100 (BST)
Subject: Re: PAYMENT OF US$45MILLION

ATTN: UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR
DEAR SIR

YOUR MAIL HAS BEEN RECEIVED.
I HAVE TAKEN NOTE OF YOUR INFORMATION FOR THE RAISING AND DESPATCHING OF YOUR BANK DRAFT.

BASED ON YOUR CONFIRMATION I HAVE GIVEN INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE BANK DRAFT VALUED US$45MILLION TO BE RAISED IN YOUR FAVOR ON YOUR NAME, UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR.

ONCE THE BANK DRAFT IS RAISED YOU WILL BE ADVICED ACCORDINGLY.

YOURS FAITHFULLY

DR D.P. IYABI
MANAGING DIRECTOR
CHIEF EXECUTIVE, ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC.

UNKINDLY

Since the information has been confirmed, it should take you around 10 seconds to cut the check. Please send it without delay.

Another email that, incredibly, didn't end this correspondence:

UNKINDLY

Frank, I was re-reading your last email. Do you expect me to be your sex partner? I really am not interested in having you lick me. I prefer women. If you prefer men that is your business, I just want to make it clear that I consider this to be solely a business relationship and not a sexual one.

s

FRANKLIN

Date: Sat, 13 Sep 2003 10:06:35 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: my stands

Dear friend
let me tell you i amnotgoing toapologise toyou again,infact you don not deserve any apology,for meto apologise to you ,youmust send that money ,i amsuffering for nothing.

meanwhile,let me tell you,their is no way you will receieve that fund without me knowing,so do not think that you will eat the money,if you try so ,i will alert the interpol immediately.so you should always inform me.

if you want us tobe friends send the money immediately.

frank

UNKINDLY

Frank, when have I ever said that I would get the money without you? Never! When have I been untrustworthy? Never! When have I breached our confidentiality? Never! And yet you come at me with the most insulting accusations. I deserve an apology.

I have alerted the mission that you need money as well. They are concerned about money transfers and do not have a fellow mission in Lagos so they ask you to go there.

Being friends should have nothing to do with money. It has to do with mutual love and respect. I await yours.

The fax from Dr Iyabi then came in - asking for an insurance payment of $5100 and a postage fee of $50.

Payable, of course, via Western Union, to:
Mr Kenechi Onukwuili
Nigerian Deposit Insurance Corporation
Lagos
Phone 234 803 3208954

Signed: All States Trust Bank Plc, The Professional Bank

UNKINDLY

Dr Iyabi, I got a fax that may have been from you, I can't tell. It looks like somebody chewed up and spit out the paper before faxing it. If you sent me a fax, please resend.

Thus inspired, All States Bank re-sends the exact same fax.

UNKINDLY

Dr Ibayi, did you send another fax? It had the same return phone number on it but the pages were all blank. Maybe you had the pages in upside down.

FRANKLIN

Date: Mon, 15 Sep 2003 05:45:33 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: hear me

Dear unkindly
how are you today,frankly speaking,you are not treating me like a friend.
how can you call yourself my friend and you cannot help me out when i am i need.v
for your information i am not going to your mission i don't want to know them for any reason what so ever.

if you know that you are my friend send the money via western union immediately i am sick right now,no money to buy drugs what knd of friend are you.

have you receieve the draft from the bank.inform me.

meanwhile i wait for the money control number from western union ,before i can call you my friend.

may be you want me to die of hunger ,so that you can take the whole fund ,i am suspecting you,you are very wicked and uncaring to your fellow human beings.

i wonder the kind of mission you are into is it from GOD or from satan.

FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank I did not know you are a drug user. Now I am glad I did not send you money to buy drugs as you say. I have sent money to the mission they may be able to help you find God and find a clean life without drugs.

I got some fax from somebody but it looked like goats had eaten it first. I think it may have been from the new bank but I can't be sure. Very unprofessional if it was. Surely the bank will help such a major customer to find appropriate lodging! Think!

Franklin threatens to get InterPol involved. Hilarity factor increases. Any time you get an email to "Dear friend" with this opening line, it's a keeper.

FRANKLIN

Date: Mon, 15 Sep 2003 11:04:40 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: idiot

Dear friend
frankly speaking,you are the most stupid and useless humanbeing i have ever met in my life. i know that GOD will not allow me to die of hunger and starvation.

if i take drugs as you said ,know that you are insane and a sycoo humanbeing.

i know that by now you must have receieve the draft,but let me tell you onething all this your game will not help you,i have told you,you cannot eat that money i swear ,if you try it ,i will report you to interpol,a friend of mine is working with interpol.

FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, why are you insulting me???? I got a fax from Dr Ibayi's number but all the pages were blank. If you want to call someone an idiot, tell him not me!

What is the name of your friend who works at Interpol? I hadn't thought of that, that is a good idea. If someone tries to mess with your money we could tell them that Interpol already knows about the money.

I am not sure why you say I am insane when I just repeated what you said: "no money to buy drugs what knd of friend are you." Friends don't let friends do drugs.

See, that bit about not using all caps wore off:

FRANKLIN

Date: Mon, 15 Sep 2003 12:10:05 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: GET IN TOUCH WITH THE BANK

DEAR UNKINDLY

YOU SHOULD GET IN TOUCH WITH THE BANK AND INFORM THEM THAT THE FAX SENT TO YOU IS NOT CLEAR. YOU SHOULD FOLLOW THE BANK UP TO RECEIEVE THE FUND THIS WEEK,DO NOT BE NONCHALLANT TO THIS.

I KNOW YOU ARE MR RIGHT ,YOU SHOULD ALWAYS FOLLOW THEM UP,TELL THEM TO REFAX IT.

FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, for God's sake you should ask questions instead of just assuming things. AS SOON AS I GOT THE BLANK FAX I sent an email to Dr Ibyai. He has not re-sent it yet. You want to yell at somebody yell at him. Your apology is awaited.

Watch the subject lines as we go:

FRANKLIN

Date: Mon, 15 Sep 2003 12:13:06 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: ASSHOLE

DEAR FRIEND

IF YOU ARE NOT INSANE YOU SHOUOLD NOT BE BEHAVING THE WAY YOU ARE BEHAVING.
I KNOW AMERICANS TO BE VERY GENTLE,BUT YOU ARE VERY ARROGANT ,SELFISH AND STUPID.
SEND THE MONEY TO ME IMMEDIATELY I AM FINDING IT VERY DIFFICULT TO FEED DOWN HERE.
IF AM TO REPORT ANYBODY TO INTERPOL IT IS YOU MR UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR BECAUSE I AM ENTHRUSTING A HUGE AMOUNT OF MONEY TO YOU.
FRANK
It took him 5 weeks to figure me out?

UNKINDLY

Frank I do not understand why you try to hurt me after all I have done for you. You are in my prayers, my pastor will lead a mass tonight for you. Have you gone to the mission yet? I don't know if they can give out lithium but maybe you could ask.

Still waiting on the bank.

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 16 Sep 2003 04:20:36 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Re: waiting on bank

DEAR FRIEND
I RECEIEVED YOUR MAIL,YOU SHOULD NOT BOTHER ABOUT THE APOLOGY BECAUSE I AM NOT GOING TO APOLOGISE TO YOU.

YOU ARE VERY STUPID AND HOPELESS,ALL YOU WANT IS APOLOGY.

I AM DOWN HERE TO MONITOR THINGS,AND I NEEDED YOUR HELP IN ORDER TO SUSTAIN MYSELF BUT YOU CAN'T.WELL IF YOU KNOW THAT I AM STILL YOUR FRIEND AND THAT YOU NEED MY CO-OPERATION,YOU SHOULD SEND THE MONEY TO ME THROUGH WESTERN UNION AS I TOLD YOU,I AM NOT GOING TO THE MISSION TO HELL WITH THEM ,YOU SHOULD ALSO PRAY FOR YOURSELF NOT ME.

MEANWHILE,YOU SHOULD CONTACT THE BANK IMMEDIATELY IN ORDER TO RESEND THE FAX IMMEDIATELY.

BRGDS
FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, I contacted the bank yesterday they still have not re-sent the fax. I am starting to think that they may be incompetent or something. Why do you say to hell with the mission? The mission leads people toward heaven, not hell. It is this kind of attitude that keeps people from being helped, from being led to glory the way Elijah led, from bearing the mantle the way Elisha did.

I am thinking maybe you are not a Christian so you think you would not be comfortable at the mission. But they will welcome you and respect you regardless of your faith.

I forgive you for your harsh language, you should be more careful with the words you use. It is a form of repentance, of turning away from sins and toward the glory of God.

About money - I checked with the mission and they confirmed they received the money I sent them. So you should have a place to stay and money for food my brother.

I will let you know if the bank ever sends a fax that is readable.

STAY STRONG,

UNKINDLY

Dr Iybai, I sent you email yesterday that the fax you sent was blank. Please resend.

And here comes a third copy of the same fax.

UNKINDLY

Frank,

The bank faxed me a copy of the check. I have no idea why they would do that. I can't cash a fax. They should just transfer the money to my account:

(blah blah, same as before)

I'll shoot them an email.

UNKINDLY

Dr Iayabi,
Why did you send a fax of a check? The money should just be transferred directly into my account, the way every bank does thousands of times day. Here are the account particulars:

(blah blah, same as before) Here, eat this verse:

UNKINDLY

Frank - fyi, still no word back from the bank.

"Blessed are you poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you that hunger now, for you shall be satisfied. Blessed are you that weep now, for you shall laugh." Luke 6:20-21.

Soon we shall laugh!

It's a tough balance - he needs someone stupid enough to believe him but he can't deal with stupidity. And he unintentionally opens a new line of meandering time-wasting:

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 16 Sep 2003 11:22:59 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HEAR ME WELL

DEAR UNKINDLY

LET ME TELL YOU I AM A CHRISTAIN,BUT EVER SINCE MY LIFE I HAVE NEVER SEEN A CHRISTAIN LIKE YOU VERY ARROGANT,SELF CENTERED AND STUPID.

THE BIBLE SAYS IF YOU SEE SOMEBODY THAT IS IN NEED ,YOU SHOULD RENDER HELP,I AM IN NEED YOU COULD NOT EVEN RENDER HELP.

I WONDER THE KIND OF MISSION YOU ARE INTO,IF CHURCHES ARE LIKE THAT I DON'T THINK YOU PEOPLE CAN HAVE ANY CONVERT.

IN MY COUNTRY CHRISTAINS LOVE AND SHARE THEIR PROBLEMS WITH THEIR FELLOW BRETHRENS,BUT YOUR OWN CASE IS ECEPTIONAL.

YOU ARE QUOTING THE BIBLE BUT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IS IN THE BIBLE.

THE BIBLE SAYS BE YOU DOERS OF WORD OF GOD NOT HEARES ONLY DECEIEVING YOURSELF.

I AM NOT GOING TO YOUR SO CALLED MISSION THEY ARE WICKED PEOPLE,I KNOW JIMMY SWAGGGART,BENIN HINN,TD JAKES FROM YOU COUNTRY THEY ARE WORTHY OF EMULATION.

I WONDER WHO AND WHERE YOU GOT CONVERTERED.WELL AM PRAYING THAT THIS BUSINESS SHOULD BE OVER,ONCE I COLLECT MY OWN SHARE TO HELL WITH YOU,EVERYTHING ABOUT TWO OF US WILL COME TO AN END.

BUT LET ME TELL YOU NEVER YOU THINK YOU WILL EAT MY MONEY,IF YOU TRY IT ,I WILL FOLLOW IT UP TO THE LAST.

I KNOW I AM A POOR MAN BUT I HAVE CONTACTS.

IDIOT.

BRGDS
FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, I do not approve of Benny Hinn or Jimmy Swaggart. Personally I think they should take the logs out of their own eyes first you know and they are not representatives of most Christians I know. When did you accept JESUS CHRIST as your Lord and Savior? I did not know you were a Christian I thought maybe that was why you did not go to pick up the money I wired there. The people at the mission are fine people who have given all they have to the poor of Nigeria, not the beautifully dressed people shown on TV.

I am sorry you have CHOSEN not to take advantage of all the resources I put at your disposal - shelter, food, money. I don't know what more I could do without showing up there myself and spooning the food into your mouth. As JESUS said, "Man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God" (Matt 4:4). He was quoting Deuteronomy 8:3. So I am pleased that you have the word of God to sustain you in these times just as all Christians everywhere lean on it for sustenance and guidance.

I feel I have done so much for you already I don't know what other help you are expecting me to give. Money, food, shelter and constant cooperation with the bank is not enough? I do not understand your attitude in this at all.

I am not self-centered, I am Christ-centered and my actions show that.

Still no word from the unhelpful people at the bank. I'm leaving here tomorrow night for Switzerland so I will be out of touch for a short while tomorrow night.

In His Love,

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 16 Sep 2003 12:06:30 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HOW LONG WILL YOU STAY IN SWISS

DEAR UNKINDLY
YOU SHOULD MAKE SURE THAT YOU GET IN TOUCH WITH THE BANK,STOP CALLING THEM NONSENSE BANK,THEY ARE UP AND DOING OKAY.

HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO STAY IN SWISS.

FRANK
Frank explains his version of Christianity in a nutshell. John 3:16 it ain't.

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 16 Sep 2003 12:04:48 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: SEND THE MONEY

DEAR UNKINDLY
THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN PROVE TO ME THAT YOU ARE A CHRISTAIN IS BY SENDING THAT MONEY I REQUESTED FROM YOU THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER,AS I AM WRITING TO YOU,I AM FINDING IT VERY DIFIICULT TO FIND A SHELTER FOR ME SELD RIGHT HERE IN NIGERIA.

PLEASE SEND THE MONEY TO ME VIA WESTERN UNION IF YOU REALLY WANT TO HELP ME OUT NOT THROUGH YOUR MISSION.I DON'T WANT TO SEE THEM.OKAY.

SEND THE MONEY TO ME.THEN WE CAN HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO AFTER THE TRANSFER.

FRANK
The guy who slams US televangelists says the only way to prove I'm a Christian is by sending him money. A 10 on the irony meter.

(Received thus far: 60 emails, 3 faxes from his various accounts)

And things are going to go from bad to worse:

UNKINDLY

Frank, as you surely know as a Christian it is not our duty to judge, only God can judge. See Matthew 7:1, you'll see what I'm talking about. I'm not clear why you shun the mission. As it is written in that beautiful Psalm of Ascent, Psalm 133: Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity! It is like the precious oil upon the head, running down upon the beard, upon the beard of Aaron, running down on the collar of his robes! It is like the dew of Hermon, which falls on the mountains of Zion! For there the LORD has commanded the blessing, life for evermore.

So let us dwell in unity. For now you can dwell in unity with the workers for Christ in Edo.

I had an idea. I will contact the bank and arrange for a funds transfer. That way you can get money from the Dr there. They have not replied back to me at all despite multiple mailings. I don't know what their problem is. How many million dollar checks do they hold in their hands each day?

I haven't set an end date for my stay in Switzerland. I'm flying there tomorrow night.

UNKINDLY

Dr Iyabi, why is your bank providing no service? Please send the check as soon as possible. A fax copy of the check does me no good.

Regards

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 16 Sep 2003 11:15:18 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: URGENT INFORMATION

DEAR UNKINDLY
I WENT TO THE BANK TO INVESTIGATE ON WHAT WAS GOING ON ,WELL FROM MY FINDINGS I FOUND OUT THAT THEY HAVE SEND THE COPY OF THE DRAFT TO YOU BY FAX FOR YOUR PERUSAL ,AFTER WHICH THEY WILL SEND THE ORIGINAL TO YOU.

WELL,YOU SHOULD FOLLOW THEM UP IN ORDER TO SEND THE ORIGINAL.

MAKE SURE YOU COLLECT THE DRAFT FROM THEM BY TOMORROW,DRAFT IS THE BEST ONCE THEY SEND THE DRAFT TO YOU,YOU WILL COLLECT IT AND GO AD CASH THE FUND IN THE BANK,THAT IS THE ONLY WAY THEY ARE USING FOR PAYMENT AND WE WORKED IT LIKE THAT THROUGH MY BANK.

ALL THE TIME YOU ALWAYS MENTION ABOUT NOT COMPETENT ARE YOU GOD,STOP THAT NONSENSE IMMEDIATELY.

BRGDS
FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank,
Good, glad to hear you got money out. I told the Dr to give you money. For some reason he still has not replied to me. The money has not shown up in my account yet!

UNKINDLY

to Dr Iyabi, cc FRANK
Dr Iyabi, why have the funds not been transferred to my account yet? Please explain the delay!

Frank has problems with cc'ing, as we will seesee.

DR D.P. IYABI

Date: Wed, 17 Sep 2003 14:25:23 +0100 (BST)
Subject: Re: update??

ATTN: UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR
DEAR SIR

I HAVE RECEIVED YOUR MAIL.

YOUR FUND CANNOT BE TRANSFERED INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT BUT THE DRAFT WILL CLEAR INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT WITHIN FIVE WORKING DAYS.

SINCE AFTER THE SEPT. 11TH 2001 TERRORIST INCIDENT IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, IT HAS BECOME IMPOSSIBLE TO EXECUTE PAYMENTS OF VERY LARGE SUMS OF MONEY AS WE HAVE HERE BY WIRE TRANSFER HENCE THE REASON FOR EXECUTING THIS YOUR PAYMENT BY BANK DRAFT WHICH IS SAFER AND MORE RELIABLE.

ONCE THE INSURANCE PREMUIM AND POSTAGE OF US$5,150 IS RECEIVED TODAY THE BANK DRAFT WILL BE SENT TO YOU BY DHL COURIER SERVICE.

YOURS FAITHFULLY

DR.D.P. IYABI
MANAGING DIRECTOR
CHIEF EXECUTIVE, ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC

UNKINDLY

Dr Iyabi,

Thank you for FINALLY responding to me. I am putting you on notice that I expect much more promptness than you have provide thus far.

I don't understand what you mean about it being impossible to execute large payments - it happens every day! Think about it. If you send a check and I deposit it, then the money will be moved as a fund transfer when the check clears. The money moves the same way either way. Surely I do not have to explain basic banking to the chief executive of a bank but I think we should be clear on this. No delays will be tolerated.

Please deduct any necessary charges from the amount and transfer the money immediately. Also take out $10,000 and give that as a gift to my partner Mr Jago. Lastly, there is a mission church in Edo city, send them $500,000. Then wire the remainder to my account, previously specified.

If you are not clear on these instructions, please let me know and I will contact a lawyer and have him explain them to you.

Regards

UNKINDLY

Frank, good news, the bank is finally starting to do something. Just a few small things to straighten out with the Dr. Unless he's incompetent this should be done this week.

When did you first feel the Spirit move within you?

Btw, I'm leaving in a few hours for Switzerland. Take care brother!

FRANKLIN

FRANKLIN includes a copy of the mail I cc'd him on:

Date: Wed, 17 Sep 2003 08:45:32 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Re: update??

DEAR FRIEND

I TOLD YOU,YOU ARE REALLY INSANE,HOW CAN YOU ADDRESS TO ME AS IYABI. SEE YOUR MAIL BELOW.MEANWHILE YOU SHOULD FOLLOW THE BANK UP IN ORDER TO RECEIEVE THE FUND.

I AM STILL EXPECTING THE MONEY FROM YOU THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER.

YOU ONLY QUOTE BIBLE WITHOUT DOING WHAT IS IN THE BIBLE.HAVE YOU EVER SEE A FATHER WHOSE SON WILL ASK FOR BREAD HE WILL GIVE HIM STONE.

SEND THE MONEY.
FRANK
Must - keep - straight - face :

UNKINDLY

Frank,
I included you as a "cc" on the email to Dr Iyabi.
When you look at the email message,
"From" is who sent it,
"To" is who it was sent to,
"Cc" is who was included for a copy of the message,
"Subj" is the subject line, and
"Date" is when it was sent.
Let me know if you have other questions about email.

As I told you before I am waiting for the bank to finish the transfer. I have also directed them to give you a portion of the funds up front. Should be done this week.

Lastly, your quote is not quite right. I think you are thinking of the temptation in the desert in Luke 4:
The devil said to him, "If you are the Son of God, command this stone to become bread." And JESUS answered him, "It is written, `Man shall not live by bread alone.'"

Heading off to the airport now. Have a pleasant night. Hopefully the transfer will be completed by the time I land in Zurich.

Your brother in Christ,

I think he was actually trying to quote Luke 11:11-12 but he lets it go.

FRANKLIN

Date: Wed, 17 Sep 2003 09:40:56 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: INFO

DEAR FRIEND
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE,DO YOU REALISE THAT THIS IS A DEAL ON NO ACCOUNT SHOULD YOU TELL THE BANK TO SEND MONEY TO ME DO YOU WANT TO JEOPARDISE THIS TRANSACTION.
PLEASE TELL THEM TO SEND THE DRAFT TO YOU AND FOLLOW ALL THEIR INSTRUCTION SO THAT THE DRAFT WILL BE SENT IMMEDIATELY.
FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, why not? What's the big deal? It's my money, not theirs. I can direct them to pay part of it out now, perfectly legal. Remember their job is to provide a service.

DR D.P. IYABI, ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC

Date: Wed, 17 Sep 2003 13:39:27 +0100 (BST)
Subject: Re: check

ATTN: UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR
DEAR SIR

YOUR MAILS HAVE BEEN RECEIVED. MY BANK IS PROVIDING GOOD PROFESSIONAL SECURED BANKING SERVICES

THE BANKING LAW OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF NIGERIA STIPULATES THAT BEFORE A BANK DRAFT SHOULD BE DESPATCHED BY MAIL IT MUST BE INSURED WITH THE NDIC WHICH IS THE REGULATORY BODY.

THE INSURANCE PREMUIM IS MANDATORY AND ONCE IT IS RECEIVED THE BANK DRAFT WILL BE DESPATCHED TO YOUR ADDRESS BY COURIER SERVICE. YOU ARE THEREFORE ADVISED TO PAY THE INSURANCE PREMUIM AND POSTAGE TODAY TO ENABLE US DESPATCH THE BANK DRAFT TO YOU TODAY.

ONCE THE INSURANCE PREMUIM AND POSTAGE IS RECEIVED TODAY THE BANK DRAFT WILL BE MAILED TO YOU TODAY BY COURIER SERVICE AND THE AIRWAY BILL SENT TO YOU FOR COLLECTION.

I AWAIT YOUR PROMPT CONFIRMATION

YOURS FAITHFULLY

DR.D.P. IYABI
MANAGING DIRECTOR
CHIEF EXECUTIVE, ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC

UNKINDLY

Dr Ibayi,
You are almost correct. The bank has the responsibility to pay the insurance, as a member of the NDIC. The individual does not. Please send the check immediately. If you are unclear on banking laws perhaps I could contact a native attorney who can aid you in your comprehension.

Send the check NOW. Peoples' lives depend on it.

FRANKLIN

Date: Thu, 18 Sep 2003 03:00:10 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: URGENT

DEAR UNKINDLY
HOW ARE YOU TODAY,HAVE YOU ARRIVE SWISS,I HOPE YOU ARRIVE SAFELY.
WELL YOU ARE RIGHT BUT I DON'T WANT IT LIKE THAT AT ALL,I WANT YOU TO RECEIEVE THE FUND BEFORE DISBURSING.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO NOW IS TO GET THE DRAFT FROM THEM THAT IS THE ORIGINAL COPY,THAT IS WHAT MATTERS MOST OKAY.

I SHALL BE VERY GLAD IF YOU RECEIEVE THE DRAFT BY TOMORROW,I AM TIRED OF STAYING IN NIGERIA WITHOUT MONEY.

CONTACT THE BANK FOLLOW ALL THEIR INSTRUCTIONS ,SO THAT THEY WILL ISSUE YOU THE ORIGINAL OF THE DRAFT.

BRGDS
FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, you are not making sense. You need money, you should have money now. So I told the Dr to give you a portion of it immediately.

He seems a little confused about banking laws. For some reason I think he wants me to pay him money to do his job - some fee that the BANK has to pay he wants ME to pay him! Sounds like a bribe to me. If he hits you up for a bribe, refuse to stoop to his level.

It was an uneventful flight, thanks for asking. Zurich is lovely - have you ever been here?

Your brother in Christ,

And things are about to get really ugly:

UNKINDLY

to Pastor Bob - sent "accidentally" to Frank

Pastor Bob,
Thank you again for the great work you are doing. As you requested I have sent funds via Western Union to your Lagos office. I finally found a WU office, it was in the receiving area of the airport here. Here is the control information: ##########

Blessings, and keep up the good work in Edo.

FRANKLIN

Date: Thu, 18 Sep 2003 12:13:18 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HI

DEAR UNKINDLY
HOW ARE YOU TODAY,THANK GOD YOU ARRIVE SAFELY. PLEASE YOU SHOULD DO WHATEVER THE ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC SAYS IN ORDER TO RECEIEVE THE DRAFT,FORGET ABOUT PROFFESIONALITY WHAT MATTERS IS FOR YOU TO RECEIEVE THE DRAFT OKAY.

PLEASE COMPLY WITH THEM TO RECEIEVE THE DRAFT.

ALSO,HOW CAN YOU SEND ME A MAIL AND ADDRESS ME AS BOB,PLEASE DO NOT EMBARRASS ME.

YOU HAVE SEEN WHERE WESTERN UNION SERVICES ARE OFFERED,WHY DON'T YOU SEND ME THE MONEY I REQUESTED FROM YOU.

FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, sorry that email was to the mission pastor. **Please delete it**.

I already arranged for the bank to give you money directly, much faster and more reliable than WU.

Sorry again for the wrong email. I will have to resend to the pastor. Thanks for letting me know or I would be wondering why he never got it!

DR D.P. IYABI

Date: Fri, 19 Sep 2003 09:59:51 +0100 (BST)
Subject: Re: check

ATTN: UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR

DEAR SIR
I AM VERY SURPRISED AT YOUR MAILS.

I HOPE YOU APPRECIATE THE CALIBRE OF PERSON YOU ARE DEALING WITH.

I HAVE BEEN IN THE BANKING INDUSTRY FOR 35YEARS AND HAS BEEN THE MANAGING DIRECTOR OF 3 BANKS BEFORE MY PRESENT POSITION.

THE NIGERIAN BANKING POLICY OF YEAR 1999 SECTION 350 ARTICLE 24 PARAGRAPH A&B STATES THAT BEFORE ANY BANK DRAFT CAN BE DESPATCHED BY MAIL IT MUST BE INSURED WITH THE NIGERIAN DEPOSIT INSURANCE CORPORATION(NDIC) FOR SAFETY AND THE BENEFICIARY WILL BEAR THE COST OF INSURANCE AND ALSO THE POSTAGE OF THE BANK DRAFT.

AT THIS POINT I MUST INFORM YOU THAT WE CANNOT TOLERATE UNNECESSARY DELAYS AND ARGUMENTS IN RESPECT TO THIS TRANSACTION.

YOU ARE THEREFORE ADVISED TO PAY THE INSURANCE PREMUIM AND POSTAGE TODAY TO ENABLE US DESPATCH THE BANK DRAFT TO YOU TODAY BY COURIER SERVICE.

I AWAIT YOUR CONFIRMATION.

DR D.P. IYABI
M.D. CHIEF EXECUTIVE, ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC

UNKINDLY

Dear Sir
I am very surprised at your behavior. I am not interested in paying bribes. You now force me to retain a lawyer in Nigeria who can straighten out the legal issues for you since you are apparently unaware of the laws governing your own business!

I expect you to cover the cost of the lawyer.

Good day.

FRANKLIN

Date: Fri, 19 Sep 2003 04:21:37 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: TREAT AS URGENT

DEAR UNKINDLY
HOW ARE YOU TODAY,PLEASE MAKE SURE THAT THE ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC SENDS THE BANK DRAFT TODAY OKAY.

I WENT TO THEIR OFFICE TO INQUIRE AND THEY TOLD ME THAT THEY HAVE SEND THE COPY OF THE DRAFT TO YOU THROUGH FAX.

PLEASE COMPLY WITH THEM AS TO RECEIEVE THE ORIGINAL.

PLEASE IN THE NAME OF GOD THE FATHER ,THE SON AND THE HOLY GHOST PLEASE SEND THE MONEY I REQUESTED FROM YOU VIA WESTERN UNION MONEY WHY WE WAIT FOR THE DRAFT .

FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank -

Two things. One, this Dr guy is asking for a bribe.

Two - SOMEBODY ELSE PICKED UP THE PASTOR'S WESTERN UNION MONEY. HE WENT THERE AND THE MONEY HAD ALREADY BEEN PICKED UP. ***YOU*** ARE THE ONLY OTHER PERSON WHO KNEW ABOUT IT!!!

WHAT KIND OF MAN STEALS FROM THE CHURCH????

EXPLAIN YOURSELF, MAN!

UNKINDLY

Date: Fri, 19 Sep 2003 11:06:40 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: NEWS FROM BANK

DEAR UNKINDLY

I WENT TO THE BANK TODAY,TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON,HOWEVER THEY TOLD ME THAT YOU ARE TO PAY SOME FEES IN ORDER FOR THEM TO SEND THE ORIGINAL OF THE BANK DRAFT.

YOU SHOULD PAY THE FEE IMMEDIATELY,IN ORDER TO RECEIEVE THE BANK DRAFT.

IT IS NOT A BRIBE AS YOU SAID,IT IS THE NORMAL PROCEDURE.YOU SHOULD PAY THE FEE IMMEDIATELY,SO THAT THEY WILL SEND THE DRAFT TO YOU.

CONTACT THE BANK AND PAY THEM.
BRGDS
FRANK

UNKINDLY

FRANK WHERE IS THE CHURCH'S MONEY????? ONLY YOU KNEW ABOUT IT AND NOW IT IS GONE AND YOU MUST RETURN IT IMMEDIATELY.

THE BANK IS ASKING FOR A BRIBE, NOT A REAL FEE. I WILL LOOK FOR A LAWYER WHO CAN EXPLAIN BASIC BANKING LAW TO DR IBAYI.

"I AM A VERY HONEST AND SINCERE PERSON"

FRANKLIN

Date: Fri, 19 Sep 2003 11:03:47 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: MY PRAYER

DEAR UNKINDLY
PLEASE STOP EMBARRASING ME ,I AM A VERY HONEST AND SINCERE PERSON.

I DID NOT TAKE THE PASTORS MONEY ,MY PRAYER IS IF YOU SEND THE MONEY TO THE PASTOR AS YOU SAID AND THE PASTOR DID NOT RECEIEVE IT I WONDER WHO WILL COLLECT HIS MONEY,BUT ON THE OTHER HAND IF YOU SEND THE MONEY AND THE PASTOR COLLECTS IT AND YOU WANT TO SIC ME OR LIE AGAINST ME,MAY YOUR BELOVED WIFE DIE AND MAY YOUR GENERATION NEVER SEE PEACE AND THE KINGDOM OF GOD.

AND IF YOUR PASTOR RECEIEVES THE MONEY WITHOUT TELLING YOU,I WONDER THE KIND OF FLOCK YOU HAVE.

BRGDS
FRANK

UNKINDLY

FRANK YOU SHOULD BE PRAYING FOR YOUR SOUL. THE PASTOR WENT TO PICK THE MONEY UP SOMEBODY ALREADY HAD PICKED IT UP. WHO ELSE BUT YOU KNEW THE ACCESS?????????

IT IS TIME TO STOP LYING. GIVE THE PASTOR THE MONEY OR SEND IT BACK TO ME IN ZURICH.

"THEREFORE I WILL GIVE THEIR WIVES TO OTHERS AND THEIR FIELDS TO CONQUERORS, BECAUSE FROM THE LEAST TO THE GREATEST EVERY ONE IS GREEDY FOR UNJUST GAIN; FROM PROPHET TO PRIEST EVERY ONE DEALS FALSELY." - JEREMIAH 8:10

A series of one-line emails then went out. While Frank is in this case unjustly accused of one specific imaginary theft of imaginary money from imaginary people, he is actively involved in real frauds of real money from real people:

UNKINDLY

WHERE IS THE MONEY
YOU STEAL FROM CHURCHES
WHERE IS THE MONEY
WHERE IS YOUR SOUL
YOU STEAL FROM THE POOR
I PRAY FOR YOUR PAINFUL DEATH
ENJOY HELL WITH YOUR OTHER THIEF FRIENDS
REPENT REPENT REPENT REPENT REPENT REPENT
REPAY WHAT YOU STOLE
YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO YOUR ANCESTORS
YOU HAVE SOLD YOUR SOUL TO SATAN FOR MONEY
GIVE THE CHURCH WHAT YOU STOLE FROM THE POOR
REPENT REPENT REPENT REPENT REPENT REPENT
YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER
YOUR CHILDREN WILL ALL BE CURSED
PAY BACK THE MONEY YOU STOLE

If someone sent you a mail saying "I PRAY FOR YOUR PAINFUL DEATH" would you reply? Frank would! And he'd request payment 3 times in a single email:

FRANKLIN

Date: Sat, 20 Sep 2003 04:33:53 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HEAR ME WELL DEAR UNKINDLY
YOU ARE VERY STUPID,HOPLESS AND USELESS MAN,IN YOUR MAIL YOU DID NOT SEND THE CONTROL NUMBER OF THE MONEY YOU SEND TO YOUR FRIEND.PLEASE STOP EMBARRASING ME,OKAYIF NOT FOR YOUR NONCHALANT ATTITIUDE,HOW COULD YOU ADDRESS ME AS BOB,AM MY BOB?.

WELL I CAN SEE THAT SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG WITH YOU,YOU SHOULD PAY THE MONEY REQUESTED BY THE BANK IT IS NORMAL I HAVE INVESTIGATED,IT IS VERY NORMAL WHY ARE YOU DELAYING THIS TRANSACTION THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN CONCLUDED IF NOT FOR YOUR SELFISHNESS.

CONTACT THE BANK AND PAY THE MONEY TODAY.

INFACT,HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT DR IYABI DOES NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BANKING,DO YOU KNOW HIS POSITION IN THAT BANK,HE IS THE MANAGING DIRECTOR OF HIS BANK,TO GET TO SUCH POSITION IS NOT OVERNIGHT.

PLEASE PAY THE MONEY TODAY,I AM SEEK AND TIRED OF YOUR STUPID AND UNREASONABLE THOUGHTS OF YOU.

FRANK

FRANKLIN

Date: Sun, 21 Sep 2003 10:10:12 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: FROM FRANK
DEAR UNKINDLY
YOU ARE A VERY STUPID AND A USELESS MAN,THEIR IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND A MAD MAN,INFACT YOUR ANOTHER NAME IS SYCHOO.

LOOK LET ME TELL YOU,IF THIS IS A PLOY FOR YOU TO EAT MY OWN SHARE OF THE MONEY,IT WILL NEVER WORK FOR YOU.

IF YOU TRY TO BE FASTER THAN YOUR SHADOW IT WILL DEFINITELY NOT WORK FOR YOU.

DO NOT PLAY WITH ME OR ELSE I WILL ALERT THE INTERPOL ,THEN BOTH OF US WILL FACE THE MUSIC.

REMEMBER,EVERY CLAIM OF THIS FUND IS IN YOUR NAME.

CONTACT THE BANK AND PAY THE FEE THEY REQUESTED FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY.

FRANK

UNKINDLY

FRANK - YOU CALL THAT AN APOLOGY? YOU STEAL THE CHURCH'S MONEY AND THAT IS HOW YOU APOLOGIZE? YOUR DR IYABI IS A FRAUD HE WRITES LIKE A CHILD AND LIES ABOUT BANKING LAWS. HE CANNOT COUNT TO 20 IF HIS SHOES ARE ON.

GIVE ME THE EMAIL ADDRESS FOR YOUR INTERPOL CONTACT - NOT A FREE EMAIL ACCOUNT, A REAL INTERPOL DOMAIN ADDRESS. YOU LIE. YOU STOLE PASTOR BOB'S MONEY AND NOW YOU WANT ME TO BRIBE SOME IDIOT PRETENDING TO BE A BANK DIRECTOR. AND YOU CALL **ME** STUPID?

I DEMAND AN APOLOGY FOR YOUR INSULTS! GIVE THE CHURCH BACK ITS MONEY!

And you think I'M stubborn? Here's his reply:

FRANKLIN

Date: Mon, 22 Sep 2003 03:38:08 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: FROM FRANK
DEAR UNKINDLY
INFACT I TOLD YOU THAT YOU ARE A VERY STUPID MAN,NEVER YOU EXPECT ANY APOLOGY FORM ME,YOU DO NOT DESERVE THAT,YOU ARE A MADMAN.

WELL DR IYABI IS A PROFESSIONAL IN HIS FIELD BUT I HAVE SEEN NO BODY CAN SATISFY YOU NO MATTER WHAT THAT PEWRSON DOES.YOU ARE AN INGRET.

CONTACT THE BANK AND PAY THE FEE IT IS NOT A BRIBE IT IS THE NORMAL PROCEDURE.

FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank,

What is an "ingret"? Is that supposed to be some sort of English word? If Dr Iyabi needs money give him some of the money you stole from the church!

DR D.P. IYABI

Date: Tue, 23 Sep 2003 09:23:13 +0100 (BST)
Subject: Re: check ATTN: UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR
DEAR SIR

THIS IS INFORM YOU THAT THE INSURANCE PREMUIM AND POSTAGE IS MANDATORY AND NOT A BRIBE. ALSO YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL WITH THE LANGUAGE YOU ARE USING IN THIS TRANSACTION.

I BELEIVE THAT BY NOW YOUR LAWYER MUST HAVE ADVISED YOU ON WHAT TO DO.

THE BANKING LAWS DOES NOT ALLOW BANKS TO KEEP BANK DRAFTS AFTER IT HAS BEEN RAISED SO ARE ADVISED TO EXPEDITE ACTION SO THAT THE BANK DRAFT CAN BE DESPATCHED TO YOU.

I AWAIT YOUR CONFIRMATION

YOURS FAITHFULLY

DR D.P. IYABI
MANAGING DIRECTOR
CHIEF EXECUTIVE, ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC

UNKINDLY

Dr Iyabi,

You must be the only bank in the world that is not allowed to hold onto bank drafts. You should celebrate your uniqueness. Perhaps use this as the basis of a marketing campaign - "Don't give us money, we are not allowed to keep it!"

I have requested that my attorney review the specific paragraph you cited in the banking laws. I am expecting YOU to cover this unnecessary expense.

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 23 Sep 2003 03:04:44 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: hi

DEAR UNKINDLY

WHY ARE YOU VERY STURBBORN,SIMPLE INSTRUCTION,PLEASE PAY THE FEE TO ALL STATES TRUST BANK,SO THAT THEY WILL SEND THE DRAFT TO YOUIMMEDIATELY.

IT IS ONLY GOD THAT WILL JUDGE THE TWO OF US WHO STOLE THE CHURCH MONEY,IF ACTUALLY YOU SEND THE MONEY TO THEM.

FRANK
Actually, fasts may do Frank some good! Let's point out their benefits:

UNKINDLY

Frank, I did not get to be a millionaire by paying bribes to idiots who can't do their jobs. There is no reason why this Iyabi person won't do his job other than his own stupidity. So now I have to waste money on a lawyer, but I'd rather give it to a lawyer than this fraud of a Dr. What is his degree in, Prevarication?

How are you feeling? I worry about you hungering there but I take comfort in the fact that fasts are good for the soul. Our LORD fasted for 40 days in the desert and look how HE came out! So I am sure this will be a time of great spiritual renewal for you.

PS - Be sure to send the church the money you stole. Since you don't seem to be in the street anymore I assume you are spending it on a hotel room. Don't spend it on whores.

God bless

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 23 Sep 2003 10:17:00 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HI

DEAR FRIEND
HAVE YOU PAY THE FEE TO ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC IN ORDER TO SEND THE DRAFT TO YOU.

LET ME TELL YOU IF THIS IS A PLOY FOR YOU TO EAT MY MONEY BY KEEPING QUEIT AND KEEPING ME INCOMMUNICADO,YOU WILL DEFINITELY LOSE.

I WILL GO IN LEGAL BATTLE WITH YOU AND AS WELL ALERT THE INTERPOL.

INFORM ME ON WHAT IS HAPPENING,ARE YOU STILL IN SWISS AND WHEN ARE YOU LEAVING.

FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, my lawyer advises against paying the bribe to Dr Iaybi. You can ask him if you want, he is on an island called Victoria Island or something like that near Lagos. If you want, you can use the money you stole from the church to pay the bribe.

Enter the Unkindly Contributor's friend, Reverend Robert Mfume

REVEREND ROBERT MFUME

MR FRANKLIN JAGO - MR UNKINDLY SAYS YOU PICKED UP A WESTERN UNION ORDER FOR ME. PLEASE DELIVER IT IMMEDIATELY TO

xxx CHURCH INTERNATIONAL
xxx
xxx
BENIN CITY (EDO)

MAY THE LOVE OF CHRIST THAT PASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU.

FRANK advises me to "BE SERIOUS FOR ONCE". Like that's going to happen.

FRANKLIN

Date: Wed, 24 Sep 2003 07:24:23 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HELLO

DEAR UNKINDLY
PLEASE YOU SHOULD PAY THE BANK THE FEE,I WENT TO THE BANK AND I HAVE INVESTIGATED IT IS IN LINE WITH NIGERIAN BANKING POLICY OF 1999.

PLEASE IT IS NOT A BRIBE PAY THE FEE IN ORDER TO RECEIEVE THE DRAFT.OKAY

BE SERIOUS FOR ONCE.

MEANWHILE,YOU SHOULD STOP EMBARRASING ME OF THIS MONEY OF A THING,I DID NOT COLLECT ANY MONEY,ALSO YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR REVEREND MKPUME TO STOP WRITING ME I DON'T KNOW HIM AND WILL NOT LIKE TO INSULT HIM.TELL HIM NOT TO WRITE ME AGAIN.

ALSO,YOU SHOULD NOT TELL YOU LAWYER ABOUT THIS TRANSCTION FOR SECURITY REASONS ,YOU KNOW IT IS HIGHLY,CONFIDENTIAL.

PAY THE FEE NOW AND CONTACT THE BANK.

FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank,
I'm going to be staying in Switzerland for another week, I have hooked up with a really amazing girl here at the resort. She's a little young for me but she is absolutely fantastic. I think she said she's from Ghana originally but frankly we didn't waste too much time talking.

I'm a little confused by your notes. I asked the lawyer about the paragraph that the Doctor cited, and the lawyer said that there is no such section by that number in the law. So I was right, it's a bribe and this Iyabi guy wants us to pay him to cover the bank's own costs. It's a good thing I asked a lawyer about this!

If you have other questions, you can reach him at xxxxxx@caramail.com
Oh, and we'll need to pay him for his services, $500 should cover it for now. Since you're there locally, give him money from the church money you stole.

If you have something to tell Pastor Bob, that's your problem. I am not your messageboy.

Hey, since we're dealing with organized crime we can get prostitutes too!

FRANKLIN

Date: Thu, 25 Sep 2003 06:41:43 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HELLO

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,I THINK YOU ARE MISSING THE ACTION ,IN NIGERIA I HAVE NEVER SEEN GIRLS AS HOT LIKE NIGERIAN GIRLS VERY SEXUALLY ACTIVE AND VERY ATHLETIC IN BED,IF THEY FUCK YOU,YOU WILL FORGET THE DAY YOU WHRE BORN,IF THEY FUCK YOU,YOU WILL SCREAM LIKE A HORSE.

WHY DON'T YOU COME TO NIGERIA AND ENJOY THE ACTION,I THINK I KNOW A LOT OF THEM AROUND ME NOW,MAY BE FROM SWISS YOU CAN COME OVER.

LETS TALK BUSINESS,IT IS NOT A BRIBE IT IS THE NORMAL PROCEDURE THEY SHOWED ME THE PARAGRAPH IN THE LEGAL DEPT OF THE BANK,IT IS IN NIGERIAN CONSTITUTION.

SO PAY THEM THE FEE,SO THAT THEY WILL SEND THE DRAFT IMMEDIATELY.

AND STOP CONTACTING THE LAWYER,HE DOESN'T WANT YOUR PROGRESS.

HAVE A NICE DAY.
FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, send me pictures of these girls of yours, I'll see how they compare. My new girl asked me to take pictures of her today on the nude beach here. We are planning a short trip together to a different resort next week, then back to the US I think.

I asked the lawyer about the law that the Dr talked about and the lawyer said there is no law by that number in Nigeria. Did you pay the lawyer like I asked? I'm worried that maybe you spent all the money you stole from the church on whores based on your comments. I haven't received a receipt from the lawyer showing you paid him properly.

FRANKLIN

Date: Fri, 26 Sep 2003 06:44:24 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HI

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,LETS FORGET ALL THESE LONG TALKS OF OURS AND FINALISE THIS TRANSACTION.PLEASE YOU SHOULD PAY THE BANK IMMEDIATELY SO THAT THEY WILL SEND THE DRAFT.YOU CAN EVEN COME TO NIGERIA TO SEE THINGS ON YOUR OWN AND WHERE THE THING IS IN NIGERIAN CONSTITUTION OKAY.DR IYABI IS VERY SINCERE AND HONEST,FORGET WHAT YOUR SO CALLED LAWYER IS TELLING YOU,HE DOESN'T WANT YOUR PROGRESS.

WELL,I AM NOT IN POSITION TO SEND THE PICTURE YOU RTEQUESTED,IF YOU WANT TO ENJOY THE ACTION,COME TO NIGERIA.

HAVE A NICE DAY.
BRGDS
FRANK
80 emails from him so far.

REVEREND BOB MFUME

MR FRANKLIN JAGO - PERHAPS YOU DID NOT RECEIVE ORIGINAL MAIL BELOW. THE MISSION NEEDS THIS MONEY TO CONTINU ITS OPERATIONS. PLEASE DELIVER IMMEDIATELY.

(earlier message pasted in)

UNKINDLY

Frank, I already told you the lawyer said there's no such section in the policy. Now you say it is in the Constitution. What section? I hate to keep ringing up charges for legal research but it's better than paying bribes.

I got a question from the mission pastor, it sounded like he had not received a reply from you. The least you could do is admit you stole the money and maybe offer to work it off, help out at the mission etc.

Why can't you send pictures of the girls? I've attached a picture of the girl I've hooked up with here, can they really be better than this? Show me the proof. Ginny and I are leaving here tomorrow for a resort in Dubai for a week, then planning to come back home and I hope she will be coming with me.
Shot of Miss July 1997 attached.

FRANKLIN

Date: Fri, 26 Sep 2003 11:24:58 -0700 (PDT)
From: franklin jago frank111ng@yahoo.com


Subject: HELLO

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,WELL ALL I KNOW IS THAT IT IS IN NIGERIAN CONSTITUTION ,YOU SHOULD PAY THE BANK SO THAT THEY WILL SEND THE BANK DRAFT ACCROSS TO YOU IMMEDIATELY.

DON'T YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS BANK DRAFT ,THEY EXPLAINED TO ME WHY IT SHOULD BE INSURED TO AVOID LOSS IN TRANSIT.

PLEASE AM PLEADING TO YOU,LETS BURY THE HATCHET,PLEASE SEND THE MONEY TO THE BANK IMMEDIATELY.

WELL,I HAVE SEEN YOUR PICTURE THAT GIRL GINNY IS VERY UGLY COMPARE TO THE GIRLS IN NIGERIA,I HAVE TOLD YOU IF YOU WANT A PIECE OF THE SHOW COME TO NIGERIA.

YOU CAN INQUIRE ABOUT NIGERIAN GIRLS ,VERY SEXY ,ATHLETIC IN BED AND VERY ROMANTIC.

PLEASE PAY THE BANK.

HAVE A GOODDAY.

BRGDS
FRANK
Actually, the Nigerian Constitution is online:
http://nigeriaworld.com/focus/constitution/

UNKINDLY

Frank,

HA! You're joking! If there is someone there more beautiful than Ginny send me a pic. Otherwise I don't see any reason to lower my standards!

I am waiting to hear back from the pastor about the money. Did you send it?

Now I have to ask the lawyer about the constitution? I thought it was some sort of banking code. Well, no matter, he won't care as billable hours are billable hours right. I haven't heard from the bank, he should have sent the check a week ago instead of hanging around looking for a handout bribe.

Frank marks the one-month anniversary of his arrival in Lagos:

FRANKLIN

Date: Sat, 27 Sep 2003 07:27:19 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HELLO

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,HAVE YOU PAID THE FEE SO THAT THE BANK WILL SEND THE BANK DRAFT.

YOU SHOULD CONTACT THEM IT IS NOT A BRIBE THE FEE IS VERY NORMAL.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

BRGDS
FRANK
Frank forgets how to spell his own name:

FRANKLIN

Date: Mon, 29 Sep 2003 03:49:45 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HELLO

DEAR UNKINDLY
HOW ARE YOU TODAY,PLEASE AM APPEALING TO YOU TO PAY THE FEE TO THE BANK TODAY,SO THAT THEY WILL SEND THE BANK DRAFT IMMEDIATELY.

I AM TIRED OF STAYING IN NIGERIA .AS SOON AS THEY SEND THE BANK DRAFT TO YOU,I WILL MAKE RRANGEMENT AND COME TO YOUR COUNTRY FOR SHARING OF THE FUND.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

BRGDS
FRANK
83 emails received, 3 faxes in - time to give the money to another scammer!

Frank never suspected the girl. Happy Monday morning, Frank!

UNKINDLY

Frank,
Greetings from Dubai! Ginny and I are at an awesome resort here. Her uncle came and visited us here this morning. He apparently used to live in Nigeria so maybe you know him. He used to be a high-up in the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation but left after some sort of shake-up in the government. Anyway, he has access to a huge fund, money that could set you up for life. This is great news! I checked with my attorney, Barrister Abdul Rashid back in Lagos and he said that the story is true. So I have invested in this plan and the deal should be complete shortly.

Then I started thinking - what about Frank? He could use money probably since he has to steal money from churches. So I asked Ginny's uncle and he said you could invest in it too. Each share costs $35,000 US. You can send your money to Barrister Abdul Rashid in Lagos, you can reach him at xxx@caramail.com. I must say I am very impressed by the professionalism of Ginny's uncle, a far cry from the bribe seekers you have been dealing with.

Let me know when you send your money in so I can verify with the attorney.

While we're at it, drive the nails deeper:

UNKINDLY

Dr Iyabi,
As we agreed, you will cover the legal fees incurred while I checked out your fabrications and lies about Nigerian banking laws. Please pay Barrister Abdul Rashid the sum of $1500 as payment for his services. His office is in Lagos so you could just look it up or contact him at xxx@caramail.com.

Unlike you, he has not asked for bribes.

Once that is complete, please send the bank draft you have been holding for weeks. No further delays are acceptable.

Frank has finally arranged for a welcoming party in Switzerland - he has cronies there. Too late:

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 30 Sep 2003 08:39:48 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HELLO

DEAR UNKINDLY
HOW ARE YOU TODAY,WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK TO SWISS,HAVE YOU PAY THE FEE SO THAT THE BANK WILL SEND THE BANK DRAFT FOR YOU IMMEDIATELY.

PLEASE CONTACT THE BANK AND PAY THE FEE.ALSO YOU SHOULD INFORM ME WHEN YOU ARE GOING BACK TO SWISS.

BRGDS
FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, I am confused - did you not read my last email? I have invested in multiple shares of Ginny's uncle's deal, over $100,000 US. If you want in I think you have to act fast. Time waits for no man. With that contract money in hand we will be set so there is no need for these unhelpful bank people you have been dealing with. Ginny and I will be leaving here this weekend; we haven't decided on a destination yet but we've already done Zurich. Maybe next we will go to Monaco. Or Vegas. Maybe Detroit, who knows. If you want in on the deal, contact the barrister or just send me the money.

Frank, I have sent you some spending money via WU to tide you over till your money clears. Do NOT use it to bribe the bank guy or to buy whores. Speaking of which, you never did send me that photo you promised so I guess you figured out that you couldn't match the quality of women that comes with wealth. Work hard and make some sound investments and even you could earn enough to live this kind of lifestyle some day.

DR D.P. IYABI, ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC

Date: Tue, 30 Sep 2003 16:27:18 +0100 (BST)
Subject: Re: check

ATTN: UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR
DEAR SIR
YOUR MAIL HAS BEEN RECEIVED.
I WISH TO INFORM YOU THAT I CANNOT TOLERATE INSULTS FROM YOU IN THIS TRANSACTION.

AS I INFORMED YOU EARLIER YOUR FUND IS BONDED THEREFORE NO ADDITION NOR DEDUCTION CAN BE MADE ON THE PRINCIPAL.

PLEASE BE CAREFULL OF YOUR STATEMENTS BECAUSE NOBODY IS REQUESTING FOR ANY BRIBE FROM YOU.

THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS OF THIS BANK HAVE DECIDED THAT IF THE INSURANCE PREMUIM AND POSTAGE FOR THE BANK DRAFT IS NOT RECEIVED WITHIN THE NEXT 48HOURS THE BANK DRAFT WILL BE CANCELLED.

YOURS FAITHFULLY

DR D.P. IYABI
MANAGING DIRECTOR
CHIEF EXECUTIVE, ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC

I have a funny feeling that deadline's gonna be extended.

UNKINDLY

Dr Iyabi, my partner Mr Franklin Jago had warned me that you may act like a moron sometimes and now you prove him right. He said you would try to fraud us and now you see how you behave. You have repeatedly asked for bribes, payment for money that is not due. You have lied about banking regulations and the constitution. You have caused me to endure significant costs for attorney fees, but I would rather pay THEM than YOU.

NOW DO YOUR JOB AND SEND THE CHECK.

UNKINDLY

Dr Iyabi, I think I spoke too quickly last night. I was frustrated after dealing with my partner yet again, trying to explain simple things to him. I fear he is not very bright.

I have sent the money as you requested, the claim information is xxxxx.

Regards

Chapter 3: October

Frank wants me to stroll with him down the worst streets in Lagos. Sure thing!

FRANKLIN

Date: Wed, 1 Oct 2003 10:52:25 -0700 (PDT)
From: franklin jago frank111ng@yahoo.com


Subject: URGENT

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER TO NIGERIA SO THAT WE SHALL COMPLETE THE TRANSFER IT WILL TAKE ONLY A DAY TO FINALISE,YOU KNOW THAT EVERY CLAIM OF THIS TRANSCTION IS IN YOUR NAME.

I WANT TO LIVE THE KIND OF LIFE YOU ARE LIVING FRANKLY SPEAKING YOU ARE ENJOYING YOURSELF.

BUT LETS TALK BUSINESS SINCE YOU HAVE NOT DECIDED OF A DESTINATION,COME TO NIGERIA SO THAT WE SHALL GO TO THE BANK TOGETHER AND FINALISE THIS TRANSACTION,ALSO FOR YOU TO SEE THE GIRLS,YOU WILL KEEP GINNY IN YOUR HOTEL ROOM ,THEN WE SHALL TAKE A STROLL.

INFORM ME ON WHEN YOU RE COMING TO NIGERIA AND YOUR FLIGHT SCHEDULE SO THAT I WILL RECEIEVE YOU AT THE AIRPORT.

I DID NOT RECEIEVE THE MONEY YOU SEND ,SEND THE CONTROL NUMBER.

HAVE A NICE DAY.
BRGDS
FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank - FYI, I sent the Dr the money requested. Ginny has no interest in going to Nigeria. Can you meet us in the Bahamas? Gotta run for now, late for a party.

Frank, you could have asked for so much more money:

UNKINDLY

Frank, awesome party, you should have been there. I've talked Ginny and her friend into a stopover on our way to the islands. Her friend Neferteri has been our constant companion if you get my drift and the three of us have been enjoying each other fabulously. As a Christian you must know that Jacob had children by two wives and two maids as well so I am walking in blessed footsteps indeed.

I feel like I've been writing checks all week -
$105,000 to Ginny's uncle for 3 shares of the energy contract. Did you get a piece of this too?
$50,000 to the Edo mission
$5,150 to the bank guy so he'll shut up. I f***ing hate paying bribes. Next thing you know he'll say he didn't get it.
$1,500 to the lawyer.
$5,000 to you for living expenses. Live it up.

That's what, $166,650 in checks in a week. Good thing the stock I launched took off like a rocket! Do you have any T-bills in your portfolio? Maybe some tax-exempt munis? Do you have a financial plan in place for retirement?

We'll be stopping over for a night, landing at the Lagos airport on Tuesday night Oct 7. If you want to meet at the airport, that'd be sweet. Here's what I need you to do: send me a picture of you with one of the babes you have there. Shoot the picture of the two of you and she better be hotter than Ginny or I'll just stick with what I've got. Get the picture to me by Saturday latest. Going off to a late bath with the girls now, then in the morning we're off on a sightseeing tour around the country with the girls.

We'll be back late Friday. Take care. Don't forget the photo of you and the girl.

DR D.P. IYABI, ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC

Date: Thu, 2 Oct 2003 09:16:22 +0100 (BST)
Subject: Re: APOLOGY & FUNDS

ATTN: UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR
DEAR SIR
YOUR MAIL HAS BEEN RECEIVED.
WITH ALL DUE RESPECT YOUR APOLOGY HAS BEEN ACCEPTED.

WE COULD NOT ACCESS THE PAYMENT INFORMATION FOR THE INSURANCE PREMUIM AND POSTAGE FOR YOUR BANK DRAFT.

PLEASE NOTE THE INSURANCE PREMUIM AND POSTAGE SHOULD BE PAID DIRECTLY TO MR KENECHI ONUKWILI, NIGERIA DEPOSIT INSURANCE CORPORATION(NDIC) LAGOS NIGERIA.

IT IS ADVISED THAT YOU SEND THE INFORMATION TO OUR EMAIL ADDRESS OR TO MY DIRECT FAX NUMBER: 234 1 7593185. YOU CAN CALL ME ON TEL.NO.: 234 803 3208954.

ONCE THE INSURANCE PREMUIM AND POSTAGE IS RECEIVED TODAY THE BANK DRAFT WILL BE MAILED TO YOU BY COURIER SERVICE AND THE AIRWAY BILL SENT TO YOU FOR COLLECTION. YOURS FAITHFULLY

DR D.P. IYABI
MANAGING DIRECTOR
CHIEF EXECUTIVE, ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC

He sent that 4 times. Excited, Dr.?

DR D.P. IYABI

Date: Fri, 3 Oct 2003 08:41:26 +0100 (BST)
Subject: Re: APOLOGY & FUNDS

ATTN: UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR
DEAR SIR
THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT UPTILL NOW WE HAVE NOT RECEIVED THE CONTROL NUMBERS FOR THE PAYMENT OF THE INSURANCE PREMUIM AND POSTAGE FOR YOUR BANK DRAFT VALUED US$45MILLION TO ENABLE US DESPATCH THE BANK DRAFT TO YOU.

YOU ARE THEREFORE ADVISED TO SEND THE CONTROL NUMBERS TODAY SO THAT THE BANK DRAFT CAN BE DESPATCHED TO YOUR ADDRESS BY COURIER SERVICE SINCE THE BANKING LAWS DOES NOT ALLOW BANKS TO KEEP BANK DRAFTS FOR LONG WITHOUT DELIVERING TO THE BENEFICIARY.

I AWAIT YOUR URGENT CONFIRMATION.

YOURS FAITHFULLY

DR D.P IYABI

I sent him to a nonexistent web page:

UNKINDLY

Dr Iyabi,

Because I do not trust such sensitive information to email, I arranged with WU to use their secure facility online. They inform me that you have not accessed their system. Please go to this page for the claim data: xxxxxx

Kind regards

Check out the fourth paragraph below - Frank's been reading too many of those self-enlargement spams:

FRANKLIN

Date: Thu, 2 Oct 2003 11:08:29 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: URGENT

DEAR UNKINDLY

I THANK YOU FOR THE CO-OPERATION SO FAR,SINCE YOU HAVE SEND THE MONEY TO THE DOCTOR,TELL HIM TO GIVE YOU THE TRACKING NUMBER SO THAT YOU WILL TRACK IT,YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS MONEY.

MEANWHILE,I DID NOT RECEIEVE THE MONEY YOU SEND,PLEASE SEND THE CONTROL NUMBER TO ME IMMEDIATELY OKAY. MEANWHILE,YOU SHOULD TELL ME THE FLIGHT YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE AND WHEN YOU ARE LIVING /WHEN YOU ARE LANDING SO THAT I CAN WAIT YOU AT THE AIRPORT.

MEANWHILE MY PRICK IS 14INCH,FORGET ABOUT GINNY,WE SHALL KEEP HER AND HER FRIENDS IN THE HOTEL ROOM,WHILE WE GO AND LOOK FOR THE BABES.

I USE TO GO TO THE BAR BEACH WITH THEM AND PLAY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY.CALL ME WE NEED TO TALK MY NUBER IS 234-80-33356036.

BRGDS
FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, no photo was attached so I think you couldn't find anyone who could hold a candle to my girls. I'm really not interested in how long you claim your dick is. If I don't have a photo of you and the girl ahead of time there is no reason for me to spend a night in Nigeria. The photo of you is so I will know you at the airport - hold up a sign in the photo so I know it's really you, maybe a sign saying "I love Johnson" or something. The photo of the girl is so I can judge if I want to spend the night there or bang Ginny and her friend instead. Ginny's nervous about stopping there so if I don't have the photos I don't have a reason to stop there either.

I sent your money to the barrister in Lagos, it seemed simplest to just send it all to him. He's handling the business transaction with the oil contract plus the living expense for you. The Doctor's was sent separately to the bank contact person. I sent the barrister's funds - including yours - to Pat Croce, who is his assistant. Pat's email is xxx@lawguru.com so you should follow up with him as that money is out of my hands.

FRANKLIN

Date: Fri, 3 Oct 2003 12:09:37 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Re: URGENT

DEAR FRIEND

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,WELL I CANNOT CONTACT THE PERSON YOU SEND THE MONEY TO SINCE I DON'T KNOW HIM.WELL WHEN DID THE BANK SAYS THAT DRAFT WILL ARRIVE.

I WILL SEND THE PICTURE BY TOMORROW.

AM AFRAID,DO NOT EXPOSE OUR TRANSACTIO,YOU KNOW IT IS A DEAL.

BRGDS
FRANK
90 emails received, going for 100:

UNKINDLY

Frank, I'll check with Pat to see if the money arrived. Like I said, that money's out of my hands already. I included a note telling him how to distribute the money to you, but did not disclose our business to him. Looks like we will be arriving at Lagos at 5:55 PM on the 7th on KLM flight 587 following a changeover in Amsterdam. 20 hours of travel time to get there. All that is contingent on the photos we already discussed. For all this effort this babe better be flaming hot.

I'm concerned, WU says Dr Iyabi has not picked up the security codes. They expire in about 8 hours so I hope he acts soon. I'd hate to have this business ruined by the incompetence of a bank employee.

Off to bedv

FRANKLIN

Date: Sat, 4 Oct 2003 03:55:57 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: URGENT(CALL ME)

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TADAY.YOUR MAIL AND ITS CONTENTS ARE WELL UNDERSTOOD.

HOWEVER I AM SENDING THE PHOTOGRAPH OF ONE OF MY SEXY AND ROMANTIC YOUNG GIRLS THAT WILL TAKE YOU TO HIGH HEAVENS WHEN YOU COME TO NIGERIA AND YOU WILL NOT LIKE TO LEAVE NIGERIA AFTER YOUR VISIT.

I WILL LIKE YOU TO SOND YOUR FLIGHT SCHEDULE TO ME IMMEDIATELY FOR ME TO MAKE ADEQUATE ARRANGEMENT TO BE AT THE AIRPORT TO WELLCOME YOU.

I WILL ALWAYS PRAY FOR YOU.

FRANK
Second copy of this email received, same text except the addition to the second paragraph:
HER NAME IS STACY BABY.
Picture is a triangular tear-out from a magazine.
Geez, at least use scissors.

UNKINDLY

Frank, you kidding me? That's the best you can do? A blurry shot of a girl with small **** and a big ***? I already sent you my flight schedule - arriving on 10/7 at 5:55 PM local time in Lagos on KLM flight 587 following a changeover in Amsterdam. But if the woman in that picture was the best Lagos has to offer, forget it. Ginny leaves her in the dust.

Sounds like you got the cash from Pat Croce. Send me YOUR photo and a picture of a different girl - Stacy doesn't look worth the stopover.

DR D.P. IYABI

Date: Sat, 4 Oct 2003 14:49:27 +0100 (BST)
Subject: Re: APOLOGY & FUNDS

ATTN: UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR
DEAR SIR
YOUR MAIL HAS BEEN RECEIVED.
WE ARE STILL NOT ABLE TO ACCESS THE SITE FOR THE PAYMENT OF THE INSURANCE PREMUIM AND POSTAGE.

BECAUSE OF TIME FACTOR I STRONGLY ADVISE YOU TO SENT THE CONTROL NUMBERS TO OUR EMAIL ADDRESS OR TO OUR FAX NUMBER: 234 1 7593185.

PLEASE MAKE SURE THE CONTROL NUMBER IS RECEVED BY MONDAY SO THAT THE BANK DRAFT CAN BE DESPATCHED TO YOU THAT SAME MONDAY THE 6TH OF COTOBER 2003.

YOURS FAITHFULLY

DR D.P. IYABI

UNKINDLY

Dr Iyabi, this is completely unacceptable! How can you not be able to access this information when it is one click away and properly secured? I am not going to risk this transaction and I am shocked that you are willing to place this transaction in peril. I called WU, I pleaded with them and they have placed the information back online at considerable additional cost to me so do not cause further delays as I really can't afford this kind of nonsensical expense when it could have been done properly with one click in the first place. Go to the secure site and the control numbers will be dispatched properly.

I am very disappointed and I hope that your level of service improves dramatically.

Regards

forwarded a copy of that to Frank as well

FRANKLIN

Date: Sat, 4 Oct 2003 10:44:04 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: TREAT AS URGENT

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,HAVE YOU RECEIEVED THE PICTURE I SEND TO YOU,WELL I WILL STILL SEND MORE OF THE PICTIRES TO YOU.

WELL,I WAS RELIABLY INFORMED BY AN INSIDER IN THE ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC,THAT THEY HAVE NOT RECEIEVED THE WESTERN UNION CONTROL NUMBER FROM YOU.

BASED ON THAT YOU SHOULD SEND IT TO THEM IMMEDIATELY,SO THAT THEY WILL SEND THE BANK DRAFT IMMEDIATELY TO YOU,I AM MORE CONCERN ABOUT THE FUND.

WELL YOU SHOULD SEND YOUR FLIGHT SCHEDULE TO ME BEFORE 7TH SO THAT I WILL MAKE ADEQUATE ARRANGEMENT TO COME AND PICK YOU FROM THE AIRPORT.

ALSO,YOU SHOULD BEAR IN MIND THAT YOU SHOULD NOT TELL ANYBODY ABOUT THIS TRANSACTION,EVEN YOUR PASTORS AND THE LAWYER IN QUESTION IN ORDER NOT TO JEOPARDISE THIS TRANSACTION,REMEMBER IT IS A DEAL ,YOU NEED NTO TO EXPOSE IT.

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY AND LOOKING FORWARD SEEING YOU AND TO ENJOY WITH THE NIGERIAN BABES ,VERY SWEET AND SEXY AND ENERGETIC.

BRGDS
FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, it sounds like Dr Iyabi screwed it up. I have arranged for the secure site to post the information again but this kind of incompetence must not be tolerated!

Waiting on those pictures. That last one was pretty lame.

UNKINDLY

Frank, that Dr Iyabi messed it up again, WU says he made no attempt to access the security codes while they were online. They are now offline. This guy keeps costing me money!!!! That's it, no more WU method for him, I will have Pat Croce pick up that money and the Dr can just get it from him. I've had enough of dealing with people who can't follow simple instructions!

Still waiting on those photos, by the way.

DR D.P. IYABI, ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC

Date: Mon, 6 Oct 2003 10:04:26 +0100 (BST)
Subject: Re: APOLOGY & FUNDS

ATTN: UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR
DEAR SIR
YOUR MAIL HAS BEEN RECEIVED.
WE ARE STILL UNABLE TO ACCESS THE CONTROL NUMBERS FOR THE INSURANCE PREMUIM AND POSTAGE OF YOUR BANK DRAFT.

OUR EMAIL ADDRESS IS 100% SECURED AND SO ALSO IS OUR FAX LINE, WE HAVE BEEN RECEIVING MORE SENSITIVE INFORMATION VIA EMAIL AND FAX.

YOU ARE THEREFORE STRONGLY ADVISED TO SEND THE CONTROL NUMBERS UNFAILLINGLY TODAY SO THAT YOUR BANK DRAFT CAN BE MAILED TO YOU.

YOU CAN ALSO CALL ME ON MY DIRECT LINE : 234 1 7593427 OR ON MY MOBILE TEL. NO.: 234 803 3208954.

I AWAIT YOUR PROMPT CONFIRMATION.,

YOURS FAITHFULLY

DR D.P. IYABI

UNKINDLY

Dr Iabyi, this is mind-boggling. Have you never used the internet before? How do you get email if you are not capable of using a keyboard to type in information? The security screen could not have been simpler, I have used it myself. I am very disappointed in you.

I have forwarded your funds to the legal assistant to Barrister Abdul Rashid, a Mr Pat Croce in Lagos. Unlike you, he appears to be able to operate a computer. So unlike you, he picked up the funds I sent. You may reach him at xxx@lawguru.com.

Careful readers will note that Frank, although living on the street in Lagos, is now having picnics with babes in Enugu (his real hometown), across the country:

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 7 Oct 2003 03:59:03 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: CALL ME ANYTIME

DEAR UNKINDLY
HOW ARE YOU TODAY,I RECEIEVED YOUR FLIGHT SCHEDULE.

WELL I AM IN A STATE CALLED ENUGU IN NIGERIA THE BABES ,WE WENT ON A PICNIC. AS SSON AS YOU ARRIVED,YOU SHOULD CALL ME ON MY PHONE 234-80-33356036.CALL ANY TIME.

MEANWHILE I AM NOT HAPPY THT YOU HAVE NOT SEND THE MONEY O THE BANK,YOU SHOULD HAVE E-MAILED THEM HE CONTROL NUMBER OR FAX IT.

I WAIT FOR YOUR CALL,SO THAT WE SHALL ENJOY THE BABES ,INFACT ENUGU IS ANOTHER PLACE WHERE BABES ARE PLENTY ,VERY BEAUTIFUL ONES ,MORE BEAUIFUL THAN GINNY. HAVE A NICE TRIP.

BRGDS
FRANK

Frank then travels across the country from Enugu to Lagos to meet me; he goes out of email reach for 36 hours while he travels there and back. But he never sent the photos required, so we will be delayed.

UNKINDLY

Frank, what is wrong with you? You were supposed to send me photos and you PROMISED to send them but you DID NOT. Instead you go on a PICNIC! What the hell does that have to do with our business? I am SHOCKED by your unprofessional behaviour and your repeated inability to do what you said you would do. I DON'T CARE about some picnic in Enugu! And STOP insulting Ginny unless you have some evidence to back it up. The only picture you sent so far was a girl who looks like a HORSE.

Meanwhile, Ginny's friend got sick on the first leg of our flight so we got off in Amsterdam and will stay here till she is well enough, probably overnight. Working on a new set of flights now. This is not so bad since I still have not received those photos from you so it gives you ONE LAST CHANCE to fulfill your so far EMPTY promises.

UNKINDLY

Frank, Neferteri is still ill, we have admitted her to the hospital here. Meanwhile, please send your photo holding the sign as we discussed and also photo of the girls so I can judge if it is worth making that stop. At this point our plans are jumbled while we wait here.

UNKINDLY

Frank, our travel companion Neferteri is still very ill, now in critical care here and the doctors aren't sure what is wrong. I will keep you posted.

Frank went quiet for a day and a half while he traveled to Lagos and back. And now, email 100 from this guy:

DR D.P. IYABI, ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC

Date: Wed, 8 Oct 2003 12:47:11 +0100 (BST)
Subject: Re: APOLOGY & FUNDS

ATTN: UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR
DEAR SIR
YOUR MAIL IS RECEIVED.

WE HAVE NOT RECEIVED THE INSURANCE AND POSTAGE FROM YOUR ATTORNEY.

THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS OF THIS BANK HAS DECIDED THAT IF THE INSURANCE PREMUIM AND POSTAGE OF THIS YOUR BANK DRAFT IS NOT RECEIVED BEFORE THE END OF WORK TODAY THE BANK DRAFT SHOULD BE CANCELLED.

YOURS FAITHFULLY

DR D.P. IYABI

Yeah, we heard that threat back on September 30.

UNKINDLY

Dr Iaybi, I have been delayed in my travels there as one of my companions has suffered a burst appendix and is gravely ill. As I told you before, since you FAILED to pick up the money ALREADY SENT TO YOU via WU, I had the law office pick it up and they did so with no problem. They inform me that you have not contacted them and they have no street address for you so they are still holding the money. They have offered to meet you tomorrow at the headquarters building of All States Trust Bank at a time of your convenience. Please email them to arrange a meeting at your bank office.

FRANKLIN

(sent twice) Date: Wed, 8 Oct 2003 08:55:45 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HELLO

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,I AM REALLY ENJOYING MYSELF IN ENUGU,I THINK YOU WILL VISIT ENUGU WHEN YOU COME TO NIGERIA.

WELL I WISH GINNY"S FRIEND A QUICK RECOVERY.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

BRGDS
FRANK

We crossed in the mail:

UNKINDLY

Frank, haven't heard back from you so I hope you're okay. I got a weird email from Dr Iyabi at the bank, he seems to be incapable of doing anything that would resemble his job. I told him the lawyer's office has the money, I told him how to contact them, so what does he do? Nothing. He sends me a nasty email about not getting the mail. Well, duh! If he doesn't reach out and open his hand and grab the money it's not my damn fault. I don't know how I could have made this simpler.

Since you have money to go on trips to Enuga and go on picnics with girls I guess you picked up your money from the barrister already. You're welcome. It's a shame the Dr isn't as bright as you.

We're delayed here for at least a few more days - Neferteri's appendix burst so it's pretty dicey at the moment. Her parents are flying up here well. I'll let you know when we can re-plan our travels. In the meantime, please send the photos of you and the girls.

Keep us in your prayers

FRANKLIN

Date: Wed, 8 Oct 2003 09:01:43 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HELLO

DEAR UNKINDLY

I WAS INFORMED BY MY INSIDER IN THE BANK TODAY,THAT YOU HAVE NOT SEND THE MONEY REQUESTED FROM YOU TO SEND THE BANK DRAFT.

PLEASE YOU SHOULD DO SO SO THAT THEY WILL SEND THE BANK DRAFT.THEY DO NOT LIKE TO BE DELAYED WHEN DRAFTS ARE RAISED AND READY TO BE SEND.

PLEASE PAY THE FEE AND SEND THE MONEY THROUGH E-MAIL TO THE BANK NOT TO ANY OTHER PERSON,REMEMBER THIS IS A DEAL,SO MANY PEOPLE KNOWING ABOUT THIS TRANSACTION WILL JEOPARDISE IT.

HAVE A NICE DAY.CONTACT THE BANK IMMEDIATELY.

BRGDS
FRANK

Got another copy, titled "HELLO 2"

FRANKLIN

Date: Wed, 8 Oct 2003 09:10:52 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: SEE ATTACH FILE

THIS ONE OF THE GIRLS AM CRUSING AND CHILING OUT IN ENUGU,HER NAME IS JENIFER.TILL YOU COME WE WILL ENJOY OURSELVES.

FRANK

1 MB Word doc, face that would make a train take a dirt road to avoid her.

UNKINDLY

Frank, our travels are stalled until Neferteri stabilizes. As for the picture you sent, I'm really not into ugly girls with acne.

Frank feels I am unprofessional and "chalant":

FRANKLIN

Date: Thu, 9 Oct 2003 08:22:53 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HELLO

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,HOW CAN YOU TELL THE DOCTOR TO GO AND PICK THE FEE FROM YOUR LAWYER.

PLEASE DO NOT BE CHALANT ABOUT THIS TRANSACTION,YOU SHOULD SEND THE MONEY TO THE BANK NOT TO THE LAWYER,YOU ARE VERY UNPROFESSIONAL ABOUT THINGS.

ALSO,YOU SHOULD NOT TELL YOUR LAWYER ABOUT THIS TRANSACTION IN ORDER NOT TO JEOPARDISE IT.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

BRGDS
FRANK

I'll have to be nonchalant from now on!
Frank explains his sudden wealth

FRANKLIN

Date: Thu, 9 Oct 2003 08:26:21 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: INFO

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY FOR YOUR INFORMATION I DO NOT HAVE MONEY TO SPEND ON THE GIRLS,THEY ARE THE PEOPLE THAT ARE TAKING CARE OF MY EXPENSES FOR THE TRIP.

ONE OF THEM,THE FATHER IS A KING.MEANWHILE I WILL ALWAYS PUT YOU IN MY PRAYERS.

WELL,ALL I KNOW IS THAT THEIR IS A LOT OF FINE GIRLS HERE IF YOU ARE NOT SATISFIED WITH THE PICTURE,WHEN YOU COME,YOU WILL MAKE YOUR CHOICE,THEY ARE UNCOUNTABLE.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

BRGDS
FRANK

FRANKLIN

Date: Thu, 9 Oct 2003 08:29:12 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HEAR ME WELL

DEAR UNKINDLY

PLEASE YOU SHOULD BE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS TRANSACTION,PAY THE FEE SO THAT THE BANK WILL SEND THE BANK DRAFT.

IF ACTUALLY YOU HAVE PAY THE FEE,SENDING IT DIRECT TO IYABI WILL NOT BE A PROBLEM,YOU SHOULD SEND IT BY E-MAIL TO HIM OR FAX IT DIRECTLY TO HIM.

DELAY OF YOURS CAN LED TO THE CANCELLATION OF THIS DRAFT .

HAVE A NICE DAY.

BRGDS
FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank, we are sitting vigil now. I don't understand you request - how am I supposed to fax something from here? I already sent the money to the lawyer so you or the bank guy just needs to ask him for it. He doesn't know what it's about, I said it was for party expenses. Just ask the lawyer for the party expenses and he'll give you the cash. I swear, I try to make this simple and you keep insulting me and Dr Iyabi keeps screwing up.

Gotta go, things aren't looking good. Reach the law office at xxx@lawguru.com if you want the money for the Dr.

Wait, I think I've heard this song before:

DR D.P. IYABI, ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC

Date: Fri, 10 Oct 2003 08:02:35 +0100 (BST)
Subject: Re: APOLOGY & FUNDS

ATTN: UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR
DEAR SIR
THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE NOT YET RECEIVED THE INSURANCE PREMUIM AND POSTAGE FOR YOUR BANK DRAFT.

THE BOARD OF MANAGEMENT OF THIS BANK IS NOT HAPPY WITH THIS DELAY BECUASE IT IS AGAINST THE PREVAILING BANKING LAWS, THE BOARD HAS THEREFORE DECIDED THAT IF THE EVIDENCE OF THE INSURANCE PREMUIM AND POSTAGE IS NOT RECEIVED TODAY THE BANK DRAFT SHOULD BE CANCELLED.

YOU ARE THEREFORE FINALLY ADVISED TO PAY THE INSURANCE PREMUIM AND POSTAGE TODAY AND SEND US THE CONTROL NUMBERS TO ENABLE US DESPATCH THE BANK DRAFT TO YOU.

YOURS FAITHFULLY

DR D.P. IYABI
MANAGING DIRECTOR
CHIEF EXECUTIVE, ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC

Now, fire Dr Iyabi:

UNKINDLY

DR IYABI, DO YOU EVEN BOTHER TO READ THE EMAILS I SEND YOU???? I HAVE TOLD YOU REPEATEDLY HOW TO PICK UP THE MONEY I ALREADY SENT TO YOU. NOW EXCUSE MY LANGUAGE, BUT GET OFF YOUR F***ING LAZY ASS AND GO PICK IT UP. IT IS NOT MY JOB TO WIPE YOUR A** FOR YOU. GET OFF YOUR F***ING THRONE AND DO YOUR JOB YOU MORON. IF YOU CANNOT READ THEN HAVE SOMEONE READ EMAILS TO YOU.

IF YOU CAN'T FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS SO SIMPLE YOU SHOULD GO TO A DOCTOR AND ASK IF THERE IS A CURE FOR STUPIDITY. THE BARRISTER SAYS YOU HAVE NEVER CONTACTED HIS OFFICE TO PICK UP THE MONEY. IT IS YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT.

MORON.

UNKINDLY

FRANKLIN, DR IYABI IS TOO STUPID TO HELP US. FIRE HIM IMMEDIATELY!

And give the money to a different person:

UNKINDLY

Frank, I just got word from the law office that Dr Iyabi picked up his money. Amazing. I thought I was going to have to go there and hand it to him myself. I can't believe this guy finally did something resembling work. So the draft should be clear now.

Having answered this question previously, Franklin now asks "WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE YOU"

FRANKLIN

Date: Fri, 10 Oct 2003 08:51:32 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: INFO

DEAR UNKINDLY
HOW ARE YOU TODAY,I CALLED DR IYABI AND HE INFORMED ME THAT HE DID NOT COLLECT ANY MONEY,WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE YOU ,IT IS VERY AS SIMPLE AS ABC TO SEND THE MONEY STRAIGHT TO HIM.

LOOK LET ME TELL YOU I CANNOT FIRE DR IYABI IF WE DID NOT GET THIS FUND THROUGH ALL STATES ,THEIR IS NO WAY WE SHALL GET IT AGAIN,INFACT MY BANK WILL BEGIN TO SUSPECT THE FUND,YOU FAILED RECEIEVING IT FROM BOND BANK NOW YOU HAVE ALSO FAILED IN RECEIEVING IT FROM ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC.

PLEASE PAY THE FEE AND SEND TO DR IYABI,NO ANY OTHER PERSON OKAY.

MEANWHILE AM STILL AWAITING YOUR COMING.

BRGDS
FRANK

Hirudinea = the class of leeches.
In the words of Voldemort, waste the spare:

UNKINDLY

Frank, I checked with the barrister's office. Pat Croce said a man showed up and said he was from All States Trust Bank and picked up the money. So Dr Iyabi is lying to you again. He has already been paid once, there is no need to pay him twice!

Meanwhile, Neferteri has passed away. I only knew her for about two weeks so I only banged her about 20 times but still it feels like someone close to me is gone.

Now that Dr Iyabi has the money everything should be good to go. Meanwhile, that energy contract deal with Ginny's uncle has netted us millions! The checks have all cleared and we have decided to pool our money and buy our own private island. We will name a cove there in honor of our late friend Neferteri, and I'm sure we'll find something feature or animal worthy of naming after you. A hirudinea perhaps.

Now that the check is cleared you should be wealthy beyond imagining. Let me know when you can fly down to the islands and join us for a visit.

UNKINDLY

Dr Iyabi, since you have picked up the money from the barrister's office all should be set to go now. Please get off your lazy ass and release the check as required by law.

And now, as for where the money went, re-enter the Reverend:

REVEREND BOB MFUME

Mr Franklin, your money isn't there no more. The LORD giveth and the LORD done taketh away.

I took the money from the lawyer as payback for the money you stole from my church. I found out about it when I picked up mine. We even now.

Now you get down on your knees and pray for forgiveness.

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 14 Oct 2003 05:11:15 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: INFORMATION

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,HAVE YOU CONTACTED THE BANK AND PAY THE REQUESTED FEE,PLEASE YOU SHOULD BE VERY SERIOUS ABOUT THIS TRANSACTION.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

BRGDS
FRANK

Why start now? Meanwhile, I think I've heard this song before:

DR IYABI

Date: Tue, 14 Oct 2003 10:18:43 +0100 (BST)
Subject: Re: APOLOGY & FUNDS

ATTN: UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR
DEAR SIR
I DID NOT RECEIVE ANY MONEY FROM ANY BODY AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION IF THE INSURANCE PREMUIM AND POSTAGE IS NOT RECEIVED BEFORE THE END OF WORK TODAY THE BANK DRAFT WILL BE CANCELLED.

DR IYABI

UNKINDLY

Dr Iaybi, I do not appreciate being lied to. The barrister's office is willing to swear an affidavit in court that you picked up the money. As I have learned before, you need to be prodded with strong language in order to begin doing your job. So though I would rather use a civil tongue, you force me to be harsher.

Let me see if I can make this clear to you. You have all the money you need you greedy m*****f***** and if you don't do your job today then I will have a spell cast that will make your d*** fall off and then even if you can ever afford to buy a bride she will leave you on your wedding night. That is what happens to greedy lazy b******s who demand to be paid multiple times just to do their jobs. Now go do your job for a change you worthless moron or your disgraced ancestors will hang their heads in shame and only goats will go to bed with you.

Yes, there's a reply coming.

UNKINDLY

Frank, no emails from you this week so I hope all is well. A few quick notes -

1. Dr Iyabi is bitching about being paid again. How many times does this guy have to be paid? Luckily we know how to get him to do his job, just talk roughly to him and he caves like a schoolgirl. So I set him straight and this business should be complete now. He's been paid.

2. I got a message from the mission that you gave them a donation. Frank, I think that is wonderful. You are truly an inspiration to all.

3. You never did send a photo of yourself. Ginny and I found a lovely frame for it, please send when you get a chance.

Unkindly & Ginny

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 14 Oct 2003 09:28:26 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: PROBLEM

DEAR UNKINDLY

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH ,I WENT TO THE BANK AND WAS INFORMED THAT THEY TOLD YOU THAT THEY ARE GOING TO CANCEL THE BANK DRAFT IF THEY DID NOT RECEIEVE THE FEE FROM YOU TODAY.

LOOK LET ME TELL YOU IF WE DID NOT RECEIEVE THIS FUND THROUGH ALL STATES I DON'T THINK WE ARE GOING TOMRECEIEVE IT AGAIN ,AND MY BANK WILL QUESTION ABOUT THIS TRANSACTION.

PLEASE CONTACT THE ALL STATES TRUST BANK PLC AND PAY THE REQUESTED FEE IMMEDIATELY,BE SERIOUS THEIR IS A BIG PROBLEM.

FRANK

Gotta agree with Frank on one point - if we don't receive this fund through All States I don't think we are going to receive it again.

UNKINDLY

Frank, that lying b**** Dr Iyabi already got the money from the lawyer. THE FEES HAVE ALL BEEN PAID. THE FEES HAVE ALL BEEN PAID. THE FEES HAVE ALL BEEN PAID. There, three times, now do you understand?

Report Iyabi to your buddies at InterPol.

Time to lower the boom - again.

UNKINDLY

Frank, I am desperate now! How can this fund transfer still be incomplete? I have sent you additional funds via Western Union. I trust that you will use these only for emergencies. That b**** Dr Iyabi has been paid multiple times already so I urge you not to pay him anything more unless you absolutely have to.

Here is the information on the Western Union money:
Amount: $4000 (max I could send for some reason)
Location: Enugu (I figured you were still there having picnics)
Number: 8524100037
Security Question: What is Chidozie Ohajekwe?
Security Answer: A MUGU.

DR IYABI

Date: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 08:18:48 +0100 (BST)
Subject: Re: APOLOGY & FUNDS

UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR

I HAVE CONCLUDED IN MY MIND THAT YOU ARE EITHER MAD OR A VERY BIG FOOL.

MAD MAN THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT THE BANK DRAFT HAS BEEN CANCELLED BECAUSE OF YOUR CRIMINAL TENDENCIES.

WHEN YOU ARE READY A NEW BANK DRAFT CAN BE RAISED FOR YOU OR THE PAYMENT OUTRIGHTLY CANCELLED.

FOR NOW BYE BYE BIG FOOL.

But they thought I was a big fool to start with - that's why they asked for my money!

UNKINDLY

Dr Iyabi,

I have sent additional funds to my partner Mr Franklin Jago via Western Union. In case he has difficulty picking them up - quite frankly he is not very bright and probably didn't finish basic schooling - here is the pickup information.

Here is the information on the Western Union money:
Amount: $4000 (max I could send for some reason)
Location: Enugu (I figured you were still there having picnics)
Number: 8524100037
Security Question: What is Chidozie Ohajekwe?
Security Answer: A MUGU.

How dumb is he? Here's the answer, for the 115th time:

FRANKLIN

Date: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 09:51:02 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Re: Western Union sent

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,YOU DID NOT SEND THE SENDERS ADDRESS AS I DO NOT KNOW YOUR LOCATION.

PLEASE WHAT OF THE BANK DID YOU SEND THE MONEY FOR THE BANK DRAFT.

ADVISE ASAP.

BRGDS
FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank,

Here is the full information on the Western Union money:
Sender: Unkindly Contributor
Location: Scamorama Island
Amount: $4000
Location sent to: Enugu, Nigeria (I figured you were still there having picnics)
Name to use for pickup: Chidozie Ohajekwe
Number: 8524100037
Security Question: What is Chidozie Ohajekwe?
Security Answer: A MUGU.


But I think we all knew that already :)
Wait, wait, here he comes again! He just can't let go!

FRANKLIN

Date: Thu, 16 Oct 2003 05:14:05 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Re: Western Union sent

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED THAT YOU GAVE ME A FAKE WESTERN UNION CONTROL NUMBER .

INFACT AM BEGINNING TO SUSPECT YOU.

WELL I CALLED THE BANK AND THEY ARE BENT ON CANCELLING THE BANK DRAFT.

WELL WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU INFACT YOU HAVE A QUESTIONABLE CHARACTER.

WHO ARE YOU?

BRGDS
FRANK
I was going to edit the following prior to submission. But I think it's important to see this in relation to Frank's next set of replies:

UNKINDLY

Tell Iyabi to shove the bank draft up his ass. He will die alone and his name will be forgotten. As for you, you will never get money for a bride price through your stupid 419 scams. You will die childless and goats will dig up your grave and crap all over your corpse while your disgraced ancestors cheer them on.

Now if you will excuse me, I am going to go back out to my beach here at Scamorama Island and make love with Ginny on the sand. That girl never stops.

Unkindly & Ginny

Hold your sides or they'll split:

FRANKLIN

Date: Thu, 16 Oct 2003 08:21:39 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HELP

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,SINCE YOU HAVE FOUND OUT THAT WE ARE CONMEN ,PLEASE SEND SOME MONEY TO ME,AM DOING THIS TO MAKE A LIVING I AM A GRADUATE OF BIOCHEMISTRY BUT I DON'T HAVE WORK DOING,THEIR IS NO JOB IN MY COUNTRY.

PLEASE YOU CAN ASSIST ME AND RAISE SOME MONEY FOR ME SO THAT I CAN START OFF A BUSINESS OR ALTERNATIVELY YOU CAN GET A VISA FOR ME THEN I CAN COME AND WORK FOR YOU.

THANKS FOR UNDERSTANDING.

BRGDS
FRANK

UNKINDLY

Sure, just send me your resume. I admire your honesty.

Blessings

With little effort you can hear me laughing maniacally.

FRANKLIN

Date: Fri, 17 Oct 2003 06:12:58 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Re: HELP

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,PLEASE I ID NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN BY RESUME.

YOU SHOULD EXPALIN IN DETAILS SO THAT I CAN SEND IT TO YOU IMMEDIATELY.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

BRGDS
FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank,

Sorry about that. A resume (it's French in origin, with accents over the two e's) includes your name, address, phone number, all schooling, all grades, all work experience (I'd leave out the 419 fraud attempts) and a description of the type of work you are looking for. You should also include a photo. If you're familiar with CVs, a resume is like a long version of a CV.

Send two photos so I know it's really you. In one, hold a sign saying "Chidozie is a Mugu". That way I'll know it's not just some magazine cutout job, and then I'll attach the other to the resume when it's submitted. This is exciting my brother!

Unkindly & Ginny

Meanwhile, Moron Trust Bank unexpectedly emailed:

DR IYABI

Date: Fri, 17 Oct 2003 13:21:49 +0100 (BST)
Subject: Re: Western Union pickup info

ATTN: UNKINDLY CONTRIBUTOR

I HAVE KNOWN YOU ARE REALLY MAD.

YOUR BANK DRAFT HAS BEEN CANCELLED.

THANKS

DR D.P. IYABI

DR IYABI

Date: Fri, 17 Oct 2003 13:23:47 +0100 (BST)
Subject: Re: Western Union pickup info

YOUR DRAFT HAS BEEN CANCELLED

What the hell, let's pretend they're not partners:

UNKINDLY

WHAT? THAT'S ILLEGAL! YOU CAN'T CANCEL A MULTIMILLIONDOLLAR DRAFT! AND I KNOW YOU ALREADY PICKED UP THE MONEY I SENT!

FRANK WAS RIGHT, YOU'RE AN IDIOT. NOW SEND THE DAMN CHECK YOU MORON. WERE BOTH OF YOUR PARENTS GOATS OR JUST ONE OF THEM?

DR IYABI

Date: Sat, 18 Oct 2003 11:49:14 +0100 (BST)
Subject: Re: Western Union pickup info

YOUR MOTHER IS A GOAT AND YOUR FATHER IS A HE GOAT AND YOU ARE A GIGOLO.

MONKEY MAN.

FOOLISH SON OF A HE GOAT.

UNKINDLY

DR IYABI,
YOU WILL NEVER STEAL ENOUGH TO AFFORD A BRIDE PRICE. YOU WILL LIVE ALONE AND DIE ALONE AND NO ONE WILL REMEMBER YOUR NAME. YOU ARE NOTHING NOW, YOU WILL NEVER BE ANYTHING BUT A MUGU.

Frank wants A SOUGHT OF PATNERSHIP. Shockingly, he has no work experience.

FRANKLIN

Date: Fri, 17 Oct 2003 10:36:49 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HELLO

DEAR UNKINDLY
HOW ARE YOU TODAY,WELL I WILL SEND THE REQUESTED INFORMATION,BUT I HAVE NO WORK NO EXPERIENCE AT ALL.

WELL IF I MAY TELL YOU I WILL LIKE TO DO BUSINESS INSTEAD OF WORKING,I WANT A BUSINESS BECAUSE I LOVE BUSINESS SO MUCH AND MOREOVER I WANT SOMETHING I WILL BE DOING THEN I WILL BE INDEPENDENT .

I SHALL BE GLAD IF YOU WILL HELP ME START OFF A BUSINESS,MEANWHILE I STAY IN ENUGU,ENUGU STATE.

I SHALL BE GLAD IF YOU WILL COME AS YOU PROMISE BEFORE SO THAT YOU WILL SEE ME THEN I WILL KNOW YOU,IT WILL NOT BE MAILING ISSUE SINCE WE ARE FACING THE FACT AND MOREOVER YOU WANT TO ASSIST ME.

I SHALL BE GLAD IF YOU WILL COME ,TELL ME WHEN YOU WILL COME THEN BOTH OF US WILL SEE AND DISCUSS AT LENGHTH,THEN WE SHALL KNOW EACH OTHER VERY WELL.

ANY BUSINESS YOU START FOR ME,I WILL BE MAKING RETURNS FOR YOU,IT WILL BE A SOUGHT OF PATNERSHIP BUSINESS.

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY AND WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU.

BRGDS
FRANK

UNKINDLY

Frank,
Please send the resume and photos as requested so I can consider what businesses of mine would best fit your skills.

FRANKLIN

Date: Sat, 18 Oct 2003 05:31:07 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HELLO

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,I WILL SEND THE REQUESTED PHOTO AS YOU SAID.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

UNKINDLY

Frank,
Well, hurry it up. I don't have forever. Don't forget to hold the sign in one so I know it's you.

UNKINDLY

Frank,
What's the hold-up? I need to make a decision on this position quickly and without the resume and photo you won't be eligible.

Having previously attached three documents and two pictures to his emails, Frank is now incapable of attaching files to emails. Well, 10 weeks of talking to me will do that to you I guess.

FRANKLIN

Date: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 09:52:46 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HI

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,I HAVE TAKEN A NEW PICTURE AND SCAN IT,BUT AM STILL FINDING IT VERY DIFFICULT TO ATTACH THE FILE AS AN ATTACHMENT BEFORE SENDING IT TO YOU.

WELL,I WILL KEEPING ON TRYING,HOPEFULLY BEFORE TOMORROW I WILL SEND IT ACCROSS TO YOU.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

UNKINDLY

Frank, I have heard back from a man named Mohammed Abacha who is also interested in managing my business investments in Nigeria. I need to know if you are still interested in this position. If you are then I need the photos and resume as soon as possible.

Frank hits 125 with another car crash:

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 21 Oct 2003 10:48:18 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: HELLO

DEAR UNKINDLY
HOW ARE YOU TODAY,YOU SHOULD DISREGARD THE MAIL FROM THE SO CALLED MOHAMMED ABACH THEY ARE ONE OF THE NIGERIAN CONMEN MAIL,DO NOT RESPOND TO THEM.

MEANWHILE I HAVE A MINOR AUTOCRASH THIS AFTERNOON.

WELL I WILL SEND THE PICTURE TOMORROW,SO THAT YOU CAN SEE IT AFTER WHICH YOU WILL HELP ME START OFF A BUSINESS.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

REMAIN BLESS.

UNKINDLY

Frank,

Thanks for your advice. I await your resumes and the photo of you holding the sign with the wording specified. I must make a decision on this business management position this week so time is of the essence.

I hope that you and your auto are okay and will include you in my evening prayers.

UNKINDLY

Dr Iyabi,

Please excuse the intrusion. I am desperate for word from our mutual friend Franklin Jago. When last I heard from him he was in a car crash and was to get information to me quickly. Since then I have not heard from him. Have you any notion of his health?

Shockingly, Frank does not want to work:

FRANKLIN

Date: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 20:13:07 +0100 (BST)
Subject: HI

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,SORRY FOR NOT HAVE CONTACTED YOU I JUST GOT UP FROM BED AFTER SMALL PAINS FROM THE KNEE WHERE I SUSTAINED INJURY FROM THE AUTO CRASH.

MEANWHILE I HAVE TOLD YOU THAT I DON'T WANT TO WORK,I WANT TO DO BUSINESS IF YOU CAN ASSIST ME I WILL BE VERY GRATEFUL.

I WILL SEND THE PASSPORT TOMORROW.

HAVE A NICE DAY.YOU CAN CALL ME ON 234-80-33356036.

BRGDS

Good thing he wasn't on the Sagawa Express Road!

UNKINDLY

Franklin, I don't want to work either, that's why I have employees! Ha ha, you can use that joke.

Good to hear you are feeling well. I look forward to receiving your resume and the photos - not a passport picture but the photos we discussed - by close of business tomorrow. I really need to fill this investment manager position quickly.

UNKINDLY

Frank, are you okay? I need to finalize my investment plan this week so all the people have to be in place. I have already arranged for office space, phones, and computers in Nigeria. Where is your resume and photo?

UNKINDLY

Frank,
I have received no resume or "Chidozie is a mugu" photos from you so I have given the position to a Mr Abacha in Lagos. Although your biochemistry knowledge is no doubt impressive, he was able to convince me that his knowledge of particle physics was equally relevant to business. Quarks and whatnot. It's a shame, the job pays over $100,000 US per year and I thought perhaps it would have been a good starting point for you but I assume you are too busy picnicking with princesses in Enugu. Well, such is life. If you want to be considered for an assistant position under Mr Abacha, please send the resume and photos forthwith.

Ginny sends her love.

The following email got hung up in transit and finally delivered two days late:

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 28 Oct 2003 02:56:17 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Re: business investment

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,I HAVE NOT GONE OUT SINCE FEW DAYS NOW THATS WHY I HAVEN'T SEND THE RESUME AND THE PICTURE.

WELL THANKS FOR THE EFFORT TOWARDS THE BUSINESS INVESTMENT.

I WILL SEND IT LATER TODAY.

BRGDS

UNKINDLY

Frank, I am growing somewhat concerned by things Mr Abacha has said. For that reason I have told him that he will be the assistant rather than the manager there. If you are still interested in running my investment business there, I need your reply by tomorrow at the latest. You must include at least a short resume and I must have the two photos - the one regular photo and the one of you holding a sign saying "Chidozie is a mugu" so I can be sure the regular photo is you. The photo holding the sign will be discarded after verification and the regular photo will be attached to your resume when it is forwarded.

I hope to hear from you soon my brother!

FRANKLIN

Date: Thu, 30 Oct 2003 03:23:48 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Re: thanks for the warning - position changed

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,FRANKLY SPEAKING AM HAVING PAINS ALL OVER MY BODY AND MY LEG IN PARTICULAR AS A RESULT OF THE ACCIDENT.

WELL I WILL TRY TO SCAN THE PICTURE TODAY.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

FRANKLIN

Date: Fri, 31 Oct 2003 02:17:10 -0800 (PST)
Subject: HELLO

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,I WROTE A MAIL TO YOU TELLING YOU THAT AM STILL HAVING PAINS.

HOWEVER AM GETING BETTER,I WILL SEND THE PICTURE BY TODAY.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

BRGDS

Chapter 4: November

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 4 Nov 2003 05:18:06 -0800 (PST)
Subject:URGENT

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODY,I MET A LAWYER ,WHO TOLD ME NOT TO SEND MY PICTURE TO YOU THAT YOU MIGHT USE IT TO MAKE A CASE AGAINST ME.

HOWEVER,HE IS OF THE VIEW THAT IT IS BETTER THAT YOU COME TO NIGERIA THEN BOTH OF US WILL SEE ,SINCE YOU ARE IN POSITION TO COME DON TO NIGERIA AND MOREOVER THE BUSINESS WE ARE GOING TO START WILL BE IN NIGERIA.

BASED ON THAT ,AM APPEALING TO YOU TO COME TO NIGERIA SO THAT WE SHALL SEE ,I THNK THAT IS A NICE AND BETTER IDEA.

CALL ME ON MY NUMBER SO THAT WE CAN TALK.

HAVE A NICE DAY,MY REGARDS TO GINNY .THE GIRLS HERE ARE ASKING ME OF YOU.TILL YOU COME.

BRGDS

UNKINDLY

Frank, I am very disappointed that you have lied to me and put me in this position of having to rely on people I do not know to run my investment business there. You have said repeatedly that you would send your picture and your resume. And now at this late date you say that you will not. I have delayed a number of business deals in the hope that you could be my representative there. Your delays have cost me thousands of dollars. And now you tell me that you were lying to me all along, that you were never going to send your photo as you said you would. Why have you not sent your resume?

The lawyer lied to you, I have no case against you for I never lost money to your friends. I tried to give you a chance at a better life and I trusted you to be true to your word. I offered you a position to control my investments there, to be set for life and this is how you repay me.

If you are more comfortable having the photo be of someone else holding the "Chidozie is a mugu" sign, then do that. Either way, I need to know that you went through that effort and didn't just cut a photo from a magazine. And I need your resume.

Now I have to go talk to this Abacha fellow again. Thanks to you I still have to deal with him. I would rather deal with you. But HE sent his resume and HE sent his photo. When I arrive there I will visit with my representatives - and for now HE is the only one I have there.

FRANKLIN

Date: Tue, 4 Nov 2003 09:37:57 -0800 (PST)
Subject: HEAR ME

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,WELL WHAT MY LAWYER TOLD ME IS THAT THEIR WILL BE NO WAY YOU WILL BELIEVE THAT IT IS ME EVEN IF I SEND THE PICTURE AS YOU SAID.

HOWEVER,SINCE BUSINESS IS INVOLVE AND AM GOING TO MANAGE IT FOR YOU IT IS BETTER THAT YOU COME DOWN TO NIGERIA AND SEE ME THEN WITH YOU AND MY LAWYER WE WILL SIGN AN AGGREEMENT ON HOW TO RUN THE BUSINESS AND THE PERCENTAGE WE WILL BE GIVEN YOU AT THE END OF THE MONTH AND HOW MUCH WE WILL BE COLLECTING.

I THINK THAT IS A MATURE WAY WE SHOULD DO IT.

SORRY FOR NOT SENDING THE PICTURE I DID NOT LIAR TO YOU BUT AFTER MEETING MY FRIEND LAWYER HE TOLD ME OF THE IMPLICATIONS INVOLVE.

WHEN WE SEE WE WILL SNAP A LOT OF PICTURES OKAY.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

BRGDS
FRANK
Great! I can be Frank's "oga", the 419 manager!

UNKINDLY

Frank, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Who the hell is somebody who has never met me to say what I do or do not believe? The point of the custom photo with the sign is to do away with any possible confusion - and it is required by my company, as I will explain. I am bewildered that you managed to find a lawyer who lacks any common sense. I suggest that you have nothing more to do with such an idiot.

As for your plan, it is not appropriate. There is no negotiation for percentages with lawyers. You seem to have completely misunderstood my needs. I need someone to run my investments there. I am not looking for you to drum up some business and then give me a cut. That would be stupid - I already have the business. I am looking for someone to be my eyes and hands on the ground there to make sure the money flows in the right directions. It pays over $100,000 a year, let me know what you think a proper salary would be as I can be flexible. You'd work under me, be mentored in business, get enough money to go forward with your university work. You'd be an employee of my company - with health benefits, retirement plans, company apartment, company car. But the company requires a resume and a photo. I've offered to bend the rules on the photo, it can be of someone else holding the sign as long as the sign is in the photo so I can testify that it is not a fake. I have obligations to my hiring department after all.

All of this was not a problem for Mr Abacha, I fear the bad advice you have received has clouded your judgment - and poor judgment is a characteristic I cannot tolerate in this role. You make your decision which life you want. You can send your resume and photo to me via this email if you want to share in my lifestyle. Be sure to specify the kind of car you want for a company car.

FRANKLIN

Date: Wed, 5 Nov 2003 06:57:29 -0800 (PST)
Subject: HELLO

DEAR UNKINDLY
HOW ARE YOU TODAY,WELL I WILL FINALLY SEND THE PICTURE TO YOU BY TOMORROW.

WELL DO NOT BETRAY MY TRUST I HAVE IN YOU.

WELL ONE CONDITION BEFORE SENDING THE PICTUTE,IS THAT YOU WILL CALL ME SO THAT I WILL KNOW THAT YOU WILL NOT BETRAY ME.

MY NUMBER IS 234-37164815.

CALL ME ANYTIME ,AFTER WHICH I WILL SEND THE PICTURE.

THANKS FOR THE UNDERSTANDING.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

UNKINDLY

Frank, this display of distrust on your behalf is intolerable. Who do you think you are to order a potential employer around in this way??? It is MY money that will be in your paycheck, MY money paying for a company car. YOU don't give conditions. Where is your resume? Where is your photo? If they are not in my inbox today then forget it. I have no interest in calling some mobile number - it's not even the same mobile number you gave before, maybe it's really that idiot lawyer you talked to. I don't know whose phone number that is and I don't care. If you don't want this opportunity then you deserve the poverty you choose.

FRANKLIN

Date: Wed, 5 Nov 2003 10:38:25 -0800 (PST)
Subject: HI
DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU,YOU SHOULD NOT FEEL BAD AT ALL,AM DOING THIS FOR MY SAFETY OKAY.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONCERN AND EFFORT,BUT YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND.

THIS NUMBER IS MINE,THE OTHER ONE THEY STOLE IT FROM ME.SO YOU CAN CALL ME AT ANYTIME.

PLEASE I WILL SEND THE PICTURE BUT AS SSON AS YOU CALL ME.

PLEASE DO NOT MISUNDERSTOOD ME.

ONCE AGAIN THANKS FOR THE CONCERN.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

BRGDS

UNKINDLY

Frank, you misunderstand your position here. You are not in a position to bargain. No photo, no job, no reason to phone.

Please be sure to wave to Mr Abacha as he drives past you in his Jaguar.

Good day.

FRANKLIN

Date: Thu, 6 Nov 2003 03:39:22 -0800 (PST)
Subject: HELLO

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,WELL WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS ARE YOU GOING TO START OFF FOR ME.

WELL AM GOING TO SEND THE PICTURE FOR YOU.

HAVE ANICE DAY.

BRGDS
FRANK

UNKINDLY

WELL AM GOING TO SEND THE PICTURE FOR YOU.

Well where is it?

UNKINDLY

Frank,
Mr Abacha's picture is attached.

Picture of a past scammer attached, with his sign altered to read CHIDOZIE IS A MUGU

FRANKLIN

Date: Mon, 17 Nov 2003 17:04:55 +0000 (GMT)
Subject: Re: See attached.

DEAR UNKINDLY

I RECEIEVE YOUR MAIL,WHO DID THAT,IS IT YOU OR THE SO CALLLED MR ABACHA.

MEANWHILE ,TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOURSELF,INFACT AM CONFUSE . BRGDS

UNKINDLY

Frank -
I gave you and Mr Abacha the same photo assignment as part of the application process. He sent in his - why did you not send in yours? You promised it back on the 6th of November. I never received it. Because of your delay, this prestigious position has gone to Mr Abacha. If you are interested in working with him you must submit your photo and resume as previously specified.

PRESS RELEASE
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
SCHULER INVESTMENTS TRUST ANNOUNCES NEW AFRICAN LIAISON. Mohammed Abacha, 37, has been named as the head of the African arm of Schuler Investments Trust (NASD:SCHIT), a multinational investment firm serving nonprofit organizations. Mr Abacha, who will be based in Nigeria, is a newcomer to the firm. "Mr Abacha has diligently worked to gain our trust and we are sure he will do the same for our customers," said company CEO Johnson Schuler. "We look forward to many years of high quality service under his wise leadership." Schuler Investments Trust is presently leasing office space in Victoria Island and will begin construction of a dramatic office tower in Lagos shortly.

FRANKLIN

Date: Wed, 19 Nov 2003 04:18:35 -0800 (PST)
Subject: hi dear unkindly

how are you today,am afraid if i send my passport to you what my lawyer told me will happen.

if you are secretive in life their is no way you will show me the pictureof mr abacha.

infact if you mean business you will come to nigeria to see the person face to face i think that is maturity.

well you should call me and as well come down so tha we shall see even if it will take time.

what i saw is a written note from you expalining how you have given mr abacha work,it is not enough proof it is absolutely meaningnless and moreover it is not what i dicuss with you.

have anice day.

brgds

UNKINDLY

Frank, you seem to be confused. Here I address your points such as they are:

1 - I never asked for your passport photo. I asked for a photo of you holding a sign saying "Chidozie is a mugu" and another photo of you without the sign. You can use a passport photo for the second one if you wish, but only if it is accompanied by the photo of you holding the sign.

2 - The photos are a hiring requirement within my company.

3 - What I sent you in the last email was part of a press release that went out through BusinessWire. I assume you are familiar with BusinessWire and I don't need to explain such things to you.

4 - As you would be applying for a position to work alongside Mr Abacha, it was entirely appropriate to send his photo to you.

5 - As Mr Abacha is now my representative in Lagos, there is no need for my presence there until our new office tower opens.

6 - You have not specified anything concerning your requirements for a company car. Also, the standard company apartment is a 3-bedroom suite with balcony. Let me know if your have other needs.

email 137 from him, a swan song:

FRANKLIN

Date: Fri, 21 Nov 2003 04:00:41 -0800 (PST)
Subject: HELLO

DEAR UNKINDLY

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,I AM VERY MUCH INTERESTED TO WORK FOR YOU,BUT I WILL SAY THAT MR ABACHA IS A VERY BIG FOOL,MAY LOOKING AT HIS PICTURE.

YOU ONCE TOLD ME THAT YOU ARE COMINGTO NIGERIA WITH GINNY,I PROMISE TO KEEP THE GIRLS FOR YOU.

HOWEVER,I AM INTERESTED IN WORKING FOR YOU AND AT THE SAME TIME MANAGING A BUSINESS WITH YOU.

BUT I HAVE TOLD YOU THAT MY ATTORNEY REFUSE WHAT YOU SAY,YOU WILL ONLY USE MY PICTURE THE WAY YOU ARE USING MR ABACHAS PICTURE TO SEND ALL OVER THE WORLD.

HENCE,COME TO NIGERIA WE SHALL SEE EACH OTHER AND AS WELL SNAPPED TOGETHER OKAY.

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY.

BRGDS

UNKINDLY

Franklin,

Mr Abacha is my Africa liaison, and it is not proper to call him a fool. I sent his photo to you - and only to you, not "all over the world" as you say - because you seemed confused about this simple requirement and he asked me to send his photo to you as a sample. I fear you are too biased and presumptuous to make sound decisions.

It is clear that your "lawyer" has poisoned your mind. How can this be explained otherwise? You claim you want to work for me and you repeatedly promise to provide the required application information but then you refuse to do so.

I can only conclude that either:
1 - you are an idiot
or
2 - you are a liar
or
3 - you are easily swayed by others to break your promises

None of those is acceptable. I suspect that all three are true.

Your ogas are ripping you off and your family resents your constant begging because you are such a failure. You will never afford a bride price.

And now I will post this so the whole world will see what a stupid 419 mugu you are.

Cheers