|
(Sample headers, from his first email to my hotmail account:) Received: from [62.56.189.136] Tue, 10 Feb 2004 03:51:06 PST Return-Path: joserandy123@yahoo.com Feb. 7, 2004: OUR ENTERPRISING MUGU MAKES HIS OPENING MOVE:) FROM THE DESK OF MR JOSE RANDY AUDITING DEPARTMENT BANK OF AFRICA LOME TOGO Dear Friend, I got your address RECOMMENDED BY A TOGOLAISE BUSINESS CONSULTANT. I have a proposal for you - this however is not mandatory nor will I in any manner compel you to honour against your will. I am 60, and work with a bank (one of the African leading banks in the West Coast). Here in this bank existed a dormant account for the past 8 years which belong to a Syria national who is now late. When we discovered that there had been no deposits nor withdrawals from this account for this long period, I and my two other colleagues decided to carry out a system investigation and discovered that non of the family member nor relations of the late Syrian is aware of this account. This is the story in a nutshell. Now we want an account overseas where we can transferthis funds. Thereafter, we had planned to destroy all related documents for this account. It is a careful network and for the past eleven months we have worked out everything to ensure a hitch-free operation The amount is not so much at the moment and plus all the accumulated interest the balance in this account stands at-(ONLY $.16.8 M, [ SIXTEEN MILLION EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND,UNITED STATES DOLLARS ONLY). Now our questions are:- 1. Can you handle this project? 2. Can we give you this trust? 3. can you sponsor this project if so What will be your commission? Consider this and get back at us as soon as possible. Finally, it is our humble prayer that the information as contained herein be accorded the necessary attention, urgency as well as the secrecy it deserves. We Expect your urgent response if you can handle this project. Respectfully yours, MR JOSE RANDY. February 7, 2004 (THE MUGU'S EMAIL WENT TO MY REAL ADDRESS. I REPLIED FROM A HOTMAIL ACCOUNT WITH A BOGUS NAME, PLAYING IT VERY COOL:) I think this email was sent to me by mistake -- the subject says "It is Me" but I don't know you, or anyone else in Sirya. I thought you'd want to know so you could send it to the person you meant to write to Sincerely, Ron Feb. 10, 2004 (OUR MUGU DOESN'T SEEM TO CARE THAT HE GETS A REPLY FROM AN ADDRESS HE DIDN'T WRITE TO IN THE FIRST PLACE. HE'S SO EXCITED ABOUT HAVING A POTENTIAL SUCKER THAT HE SENT THREE COPIES OF HIS REPLY!!!) Dear Ron , How are you today, i most hope that by the grace of the almighty your immediate family members are in sound health. i most thank you for your prompt reply to my mail and the maturity enclose within,though as you stipulated was an email error,but i most believe that this divine opportunity could not be for somebody else other than you. i am a honorable man that have commited time and hard work to my proffesion as a banker and this proposition is just one of the few opportunity available in my profession as a banker,at this time of my life i feel there should be room for experimental error hence my contacting you for this business of mutual benefits,if is not real or obtainable i will not waste my time to contact you because i will rather put more effort to service as to retire with good record which alos attract more benefit . this project was devinely arranged by the lord and i believe that it is one of the blessing of the lord to mankind that attract no sorrow,and if you are most in the position to benefit alongside me,dont let us keep deaf ear to the giver of all good things,as a banker i have worked all my life with outmoist dedication and as a good christain i have also hope for the blessing of th lord when i stumble on this abandone account,i know that my time have come to rise and shine and i also know that it was devinely arrange,so please my brother all have been done in good faith and my contacting you is with all good intention,you dont have to be a syrian or know the deseased account holder to be able to lay claim to this fund,after the system check in the bank by the virtue of my official position,i know that nobody will ever come up for this account and if we dont uttilise this opportunity it will not be anybody favour as this fund on the recommendation of the bank board directors will be given out to the government of this country as unclaim fund ,then it will be to nobodies advantage,but we can utilise this fund to the benefit of mankind,think of all the suffering children of the world,the destitude and homeless,we could be of great help and find a place in the history of humanity. i have ensure and put in place all effective modalities to ensure success,since the deseased account holder is of a foreign national it is very logical that the claim must alos come from a foreign national hence my contacting you,if it is possible for me to conclude alone i will not have contacted you. i have everything to loose in this project if anything goes wrong considering that i am still under the employment of the aforementioned bank which will rubbish all my year of dedication to cative service and my reputation within the banking world ,i have commited time and effort and finance to get to this stage all that i require is for you to come in as a foreign collaborator and within 7 working days all this will conclude with the money arriving into your account. i beg your considerable consideration to this mail and i most require your urgent responce if the mail meets with your acceptable standard,but be assure that this project is 100 percent risk free and will never involve anyone of us along the way. yours jose. February 10, 2004 (OUR MUGU IS LAYING THE RELIGION ON A BIT TOO THICK. THIS COULD GET TEDIOUS. BETTER GET HIM TO TONE IT DOWN. RON WRITES:) Dear Jose, When I got your first email that I thought was a mistake, I deleted it so now I don't know what it is you want me to do for you. Please remind me and I'll see how I can help. I see from your email today that you're a pretty devout Christian. That's okay by me, I know some people's real religious and that's okay but I gotta tell you upfront that I ain't a religious guy, just in case it matters to you any. I mean, if you're looking for a born-again Christian I ain't your man, not that I ain't a serious guy. You see, my momma was real religious, one of those Baptist Holy Roller's. Man, when she started in and had those fits and started foamin at the mouth and speaking in tongue's and stuff, it was scary. Maybe that's why I'm not so religious now, on account of it was really scary, specially for a kid like I was. She used to whip us kids whenever we did anything that she thought was wicked, and so I kind of think about that when I hear preaching nowadays. It ain't for me, but anyways, I don't care one way or another, I just don't believe god had anything to do with me getting wehre I am today. I ain't done too bad, you know, and I'm proud that I got where I am today not from begging favors from god like my momma did but instead from just plain hard work, that and keeping my nose clean and being honest. I don't need no church preachin to know that honesty is the best policy, though like most people I did have to learn some things the hard way, but I was young and young people make mistakes. You just gotta LEARN from your mistakes, as my old daddy used to say. Anyways, me and Charlene (that's my wife) have done okay. We got us a respectable house and are real careful about putting part of our paychecks in the savings account every month, for a rainy day so to speak. We even got enough ahead this year that we're gonna take us a real honest-to-god vacation and go to Disney World. WE're real excited about that!! Anyways, sorry to bend your ear like that, sometimes I kinda ramble when I start writing. But like I said at the beginning, let me know what you want and I'll help if I can, okay? Your friend, Ron February 11, 2004 (THE MUGU REPLIES:) Dear Ron Reynolds, How are you today? I hope by the mercy of the good lord your immediate family members are in sound health,Thank you for your kind consideration to my proposal and the maturity entails in your reply,I am most confident in your ability and i strongly hope that it will further establish a long lasting relationship between us that will exceed the proceed of this great project into joint partnership in future endavours ,I only hope that i will not be dissapointed in you when the money actually gets into your account because with this your indicated interest the fund is already in your nomminated account as all effective modalities to ensure a hitch free and success have been put in place,all that is require is your maximum cooperation and compliance to directive and the 7 working days that this project will entails to actualise will be like just one day. This business is real and it is going to be a bank to bank transaction which you will be seeing with your eyes so there is nothing to doubt in it,I will be here to be given you every information about the deceased till the fund enters your account and any of your expences both tele/fax calls will be re embursed at the end of this project. For your information i have worked on this account and the information of the deseased account holder with our bank for years,I have commited time ,Effort and finance to bring this account to the claimer stage where now the involvement of a foreign collaborator is needed,If it is possible for me to conclude it by my self,I would not have contacted you but since the deseased account holder is of a foreign national,It is logical that the next of kin must be also of a foreign national hence my contacting you for mutual interest,I am giving you all this information because of the great hope and aspiration that i have built on this fund and what nature of investment i have evisage upon my retirement which will come up upon the successful conclution of this deal and upon confirmation by you that this fund is in your account,I have invested all my life and saving in this great project because of the great confidence i have in the success,I am still under the employment of the aforementioned bank and by the virtue of my position in the bank i will be paramont to any decission that will be made in respect of your application as the next of kin to the deseased client and also your further request for this fund to be transfer into your foreign account as will be indicated in your application to the bank,be rest assure that since i am the achitect and originator of this project i will use my position to influence all decission to your favour but be inform that my personnal involvement will not at any time be expose to the bank management,Because of the confidential and clasiffied information that will be at your disposal about the deseased which the bank is well informed could not have been in the hand of a wrong person other than the deseased next of kin or direct relation,but according to investigation that i have done all this years through a paid investigating agency in new york ,No surving member of the deseased is alive as the members of his immediate family died alongside in the aircrash,So we are rest assured that no body will ever come forward for claims on this money which finally will be returned back to the government of this country on the recommendation of our bank joint board of director,Ministry of finance as unclaimed bills. First of all i will not fail to ask if your operate a viable account,Preferable a dollar account because of the huge amount in foreign exchange expected,And i again strongly hope that we will not have any problem on withdrawal when the money gets into your account,Because any difficulty encounter in withdrawal when it gets into your account will result/amount to the waste of all our joint effort and i believe that you will not want that to happen,Because i will have no choice than to commit suicide as i am heavily indebted down here as a result of the huge finance that i have commited all this years to bring this account to this claimers stage,I will advice/suggest that you open a non residence proxy dollar account with a bank in any country that operates a liberal law on money laundry that will facilitate withdrawal as this account might need to be close as soon as you have confirm the reciept of this money and after withdrawal or further directive for remmitance into another account of your choice before my comming over to your your country for sharing according to the formular/percentage agreed upon,I will still be in the bank for one week after your account have been credited as to finally delete or erase any trace(s) and document(s) that might suggest the deseased account and i will retire from active service afterwards. please find below a comprehensive details of proceedings: ****** This fund has lasted more than the expected period and i am interested, and have taken my time by the virtue of my official position in the bank, I have taken every necessary steps to be sure that no one comes for it, It is as well as forgotten fund(lying dormant for years). Naturally you need some time like this to set for a limit of an experimental error, This is why it is till today . I have not started this proposal with any intention to rip any body off or exploit any one either, This transaction is something that i want to do without any trace(s), Money without security and rest of mind is useless, I like my honourable job of confidence as a banker,And i wil like to leave the job on my own out of personal volution and not to be* *handle as disident, Honestly I appreciate the high level of committment,Sincerity and seriousness that you have demonstrated in your reply, Money can buy everything but confidence and life. The nature of the transaction in details: I will be among the members of the bankpanel that will be charged to investigate the whole process of this inheritance fund transfer. We are to prepare the proof of kinship right here in the bank with the personal information that you will give us,i do not want to have any hitch in this transaction as a result of delay(s) and in the process put USD16.8,000,000.00 at stake, I have been in the banking profession for years and know what can make a transaction of this kind to backfire, This will mean toying with my career which i don't want. This transaction is riskfree and will never involve any one along the line if only you are ready to follow my guidelines, Do not reply any letter to the bank without sending me a copy of such letter for review as to avoid any mistake(s) that may effect this transaction, All you need to do is to understand that the watchword is confidentiality and trust. Do not expose this to friends to protect this transaction from suffering any hitch anywhere along the line, Everything is legal and will be legally done, The fund transfer approval documents will be procure legally to effect the transfer, There is nothing different from the normal bank fund transfer proccedure , The only difference is that we are going to change the particulars of the next of kin who is late and any person can stand for this claim,I am 100% sure because i have carried out series of investigations concerning this fund and discovered that except we move it out, It will be furfitted to the government as unclaimed bills. So do not be afraid,All i need is your maximium cooperation and maturity to see that we finally smile together as one in few days from now,I have study this transaction before going into it, Believe that there is no problem otherwise i would not have been involved. upon your positive responce to this mail,I will send to you a draft copy of the application that you will send to the bank . Feel free to call my confidential telephone number (+2289211077)for more clearification and question on areas that are not clear to you. I strongly hope that this mail meets with a considerable consideration from you. yours Jose Randy February 11, 2004 (RON'S GETTING EXCITED NOW, EVEN THOUGH HE CAN'T READ NUMBERS VERY WELL AND MISSES A FEW ZEROS. BUT THERE'S A PROBLEM -- IN REAL LIFE I'M GOING OFF ON A BUSINESS TRIP AND WON'T HAVE TIME TO JERK THE MUGU'S CHAIN WHILE I'M GONE. SO IT LOOKS LIKE RON'S GOING HUNTING:) Wow, Jose, you write long emails too!! I thought I got carried away sometimes, but yours is a corker!! I have to tell you that even after reading it through twice, I don't completely understand it It kind of makes my head spin with all those long sentences and big words. Maybe it's because I didn't read your first one. When you sent me that first email I skimmed it and saw the part about a Siryan guy, and read down to the bottom and since I didn't know your name I wrote you that it was a mistake and I deleted your email. So anyway, I want to be sure I understand all this because it's kind of confusing and you used some words that I don't understand, and I couldn't even find them in the dictionary, like "modalities" and "volution" and "disident" and stuff. But I sure as hell caught the number in the middle! If I understand you right, you're bank has some dead guy's account that has almost seventeen thousand dollar's in it. That's a lot of money, so I can see why you want it!!! But I can't quite figure out where it is. Are you in Sirya? I think that's what you said before. So this is in Siryan dollars and you want to transferr it to my bank so you can come here and take it out again? I think that's what your trying to tell me, but can't you just take it out right there at the bank where you work? It'd be a lot simpler for you. You also said "I will advice/suggest that you open a non residence proxy dollar account with a bank in any country that operates a liberal law on money laundry". Does this mean you want to invest the seventeen grand in a laundry here? I don't think that would be a good idea because there's already two coin laudromat's and one dry cleaner in town and you probably wouldn't make much money in that business, at least not here. So, if I follow you here, you send the money to my bank, then you take it out. Do I get anything out of all this? I think you're saying that I do because you wrote something about "sharing according to the formular/percentage agreed upon," but we never talked about any formular. I'd like to help, and you make it sound like this will all be real easy and risk-free, but to be perfectly honest I wouldn't want to do all that stuff, especially dealing with paperwork, if I don't get anything out of it. I'm happy to do favors for my good friend's for no money, but I don't really know you, except for your name. (No offense, Jose, but I think you understand.) Also, you kind of scared me when you said you would commit suicide if I don't do it. That's a real scary thing to say! And it puts a lot of responsibilities on me too. Remember, like my daddy used to say, MONEY ISN"T EVERYTHING. So don't even think about killing yourself, okay? You're life is worth more than a few thousand bucks, and I'm sure that suicide wouldn't be a good christian thing to do anyway!! So forget that thought! So, I need you to help me sort this all through because this all sounds complicated, but really exciting. So let's go back to the beginning again. If I follow you all right you're in Sirya and have $16,800 of some dead guy's money you want to send to my bank. (You want me to open an accoiunt but I already got two bank accounts, checking and saving's, so you don't need to worry about that. They're joint accounts with Charlene but that should be okay.) Then you'll come over and open a laundry, but in the meantime you don't want me to tell anyone because this is super confidential, right? That's no problem, I think I can even keep this quiet from Charlene until it's all done. I still need to know if I get anything out of it because otherwise I'm afraid I'llhave to say no, I hope that doesn't make you kill yourself. But if I get enough to make it worthwhile it sounds like it would be all fine, as long as you can help with all the papers because I get lost with all that banking stuff that you wrote about. Oh, and one other thing, it sounds like you're in a real big rush and want to do this within one week. That's all good, the quicker the better and all that, but there's just one thing. I'm going hunting with my buddies starting on this coming Saturday and we'll be gone all week, up in the mountains up north, about 4 hour's drive. Charlene's pissed off because I'm leaving on Valentine's day, but I ain't got a choice because spotted owl season starts the 14th and me and my buddies go every year to shoot us some. (Have you ever had fresh spotted owl stew? Man, that's a treat!!) The part I can't tell Charlene is that while it's fun to go shoot animals and all, really this is just a chance for us guy's to get away from our wives for a week and drink a lot of beer and have some guy talk, without any women bothering us. (You didn't say if you're married, but if you are I'm sure you understand exactly what I mean.) So as long as it's okay if we can finish up after I come back from the mountains, that would be good. Because if it absolutely has to happen next week, I'm afraid I just can't. Some things are important, and hunting week is right near the top of the list, as I'm sure youunderstand. So, if you don't mind, make it all clear so I can follow it step by step and we'll go from there. Okay? Best regards, Ron February 12, 2004 (UH-OH, THE MUGU THINKS RON SOUNDS "WERLD." MAYBE I'M LAYING ON TOO THICK?) Dear ron, Thank you for your prompt reply,though your mail and speech sound werld but i believe that you are straight guy and i am most pleased to deal with you. it is quite very necessary that you follow my mails and have a complete understanding as to proceed as this will establish a good working relationship between us that is most needed to succeed. the amount in question is sixteen million,eight hundred thousand dollars and you should see the need for the impression contain in my mail as all effective modalities have been put in place for the smooth transfer of the fund into your nomminated account but administrative protocol have to be observe by the bank with all indication of your presentation as the beneficiary next of kin to the deseased account holder with our bank. i have also agree to offer you 20 percent of the total amount as your percentage for your participation in ensuring that this fund gets into your account while 5 percent will be for the reinbursement of all expenditure which include telephone and fax bills. Yes of course i am married with 4 kids,2 boys and 2 girls and they are all in school at present,i understand the need for we guys to get away from our wives at time because of the stress associated with women and that is the only way we can recapture the estacy of our bacherlorhood again though happily married. the deseased account holder is from syria while i am from the federal republique of togo in west africa and i work with the international bank for africa also in republique the togo where this money is presently held in a dormant account with our bank. i can remove this money all by myself,the bank dont operate that way,that is why i need your cooperation to come in as the beneficiary next of kin to the deseased account holder and apply to our bank for this money to be transfer into your nomminated foreign account. i dont intend to open a laundry business all i mean is for us to ensure that your country laws on money lundry will be favourable to the accepttance of this amount into a single account. I can not fail,that is why killing self with the next option because i am greatly indebted down here because of the huge amount that i have borrowed to bring this project to this stage where the involvement of a foreign collaborator is needed for completion. if you know that we wont have problem when this money arrives your joint account with your wife,then the account will be most ok. i will resend my first mail and i will want you to carefully study this mails stage and step by step for a comprehensive understanding of this project,then i will send to you a draft copy of the text of application that you will need to fill in the require collum and send to our bank here requesting for the transfer of this money into your nomminated account. please it is important that you study all this mail once again veryu carefully as to avoid any mistake as soon as vwe start. wishing you a wondeful day. yours jose February 12, 2004 (RON WRITES BACK -- 16 MILLION, NOT THOUSAND????? WOW!) Wow! I swear you could of knocked me over with a feather when I just read your email. Sixteen MILLION dollars? I sure missed a couple of zeros when I read your email the other day!!! Hell yes I'm interested!! I'd have to be nuts not to be! So your going to give me 20% to do this favor for you, which if I worked my calculater right means I'll get $3,360,000? I must be dreaming! This is a dream come true. I'm sure glad you sent me that email by mistake the other day because I'd of hated to miss out on this!! You can trust me on this one. I won't let you down!!! I'm sorry if I write wierd but the truth is that I'm not the most educated guy around, that is I only made it through high school and my grades weren't so hot, so my spelling isn't all that good. But I'm honest and a real hardworker. Around here, people say I'm a "regular guy." That's a real complement since that means people know I'm a good person and they can count on me to always do the right thing by folks. My boss thinks I'm one of his best workers and I've been with the factory for 11 years now so I get a pretty good salary. I'm a spot welder at the Formica Furniture Factory. Charlene works at Wal-Mart, the pay isn't great but it's good enough, and it's a solid job. Between us we do alright and we've managed to save up some for the future. But with three milllion bucks we won't have to worry about anything anymore, we're going to be rich! Then we can start lookingfor a bigger house, and buy a brand-new truck to replace the old Dodge Ram. I'm trying not to think too much about all the stuff we'll be able to buy when we're rich, but it's hard not to. Three million! This is terrific, Jose. I'm real glad you wrote me. Okay, let's do it. Send me whatever I have to fill out so we can get this going. I'll keep this quiet, just between you and me. I won't even tell Charlene anything yet, though of course I'll have to tell her when the money comes and we're millionairs! But for now I won't say anything because she's kind of a blabbermouth. I don't know if you have a word for that in Siryan but it means that she talks a lot, so I'm afraid if I tell her anything she'll get all excited and the next thing you know everyone at Wal-mart will know everything about our deal. So mum's the word. LIke Austin Powers said in that funny movie (or maybe it was that other character?), "Zip it!" So I'm keeping quiet, just like you told me to. So send me the papers tomorrow. I don't know if I can get everything done tomorrow but I'll try, and otherwise I'll write you when I get back from the hunting trip. Your friend, Ron February 12, 2004 (THE MUGU GETS DOWN TO BUSINESS) Dear Brother, All is well and i assure on the life of my children this project will get concluded within seven working days upon commencement,from this point you will now see the urgency in my earlier mail as i have commited visually all my savings which include my children insurance policies and also borrow more money to work up this project to this claimers stage where now the involvement of a foreign collaborator is needed for completion. considering my age, proffesion and family statue i can not afford any mistake,i have commited all this time because of the strong believe that i have done the possible best and even make provision for unexpectancis as such success is very definite and not speculations. we will surely get this moeny into your account no douth but this will be on our joint effort as you have to follow my utmost directives on how to deal and approach the bank when this letter of application for the transfer of this money into your account is recieve by the bank here,then every procedure must be carefully undertaking. you can not undertake this project in absent as you will be going into the mountain on your hunting **game,this will however derail your correspondance with the bank during the application processing. i will most appreciate that we have a verbal discussion concreting this arrangement and agreement to ensure that nobody betray each other at conclusion after all the money will be transfer into your account with no claim from my end as an associate. so please endavour to call me on my private number +2289211077 so that we can talk and conclude verbal arrangement before i send over to you the draft copy of the text of application,this way we can reason together if we will commence before you move into the mountain or when you arrive. delay will not be to our interest as all effective modalities to succeed have been put in place. point of correction,i am from federal republique du togo while the deseased account holder with our bank is from syria. i await to hear from you or your telephone call to enable us proceed. thanking you in anticipation. yours jose randy February 12, 2004 (RON WRITES BACK:) Well, I been thinking about it and I don't see how I can call you on the telephone. I sure can't call from work, and if I call from home Charlene will hear me. Not to mention that while I don't exactly know where the federal republique do toto is, I know it ain't in the United States so it'd be a LONG long distance call, and when it shows up on our telephone bill I'd have some tough explaining to do to Charlene. I don't know if I can call a forein country on a payphone, but I imagine it would take a huge stack of quarters even if it could be done! It's be hard to talk for all the coins clanging down the slot. But I don't think our payphones work outside the US, leastwise there's nothing written on them that says it's okay. So I think if we're going keep this quiet we're going to have to stick to email for now. This here account is my own one and Charlene doesn't know the password so it's secret and safe. It sounds like I won't have time to do everything you want me to do before I leave on Saturday, but if you send me stuff on Friday maybe I can read it over and if I have some questions I can send you an email when I get back. So it's probly best if you email me what you have and I'll at least start figuring out what I'm going to need to do, so when I come back we can get things going right away, because I sure like the idea of doing it all in one week. That means we might be millionairs by the end of Febuary! Your a real pal, Jose! your friend, Ron February 13, 2004 (NO REPLY FROM MUGU - RON WRITES AGAIN) I sure hope everything's okay at your end, since I didn't get no mail from you today. I'll try to check my email in the morning before I head off on my trip, and maybe I'll be able to get to a Kinko's sometime this week and check in again, but I ain't sure on that. I'll sure be thinking about all the great things I'll be able to do after you and me get rich in a couple of weeks! Your friend, Ron Febuary 22, 2004 (RON'S BACK FROM HIS HUNTING TRIP:) Dear Jose, How are you? I hope your doing good. I'm back from hunting. We had a pretty good time except on the third day my buddy Pete Sarr accidently shot himself in the foot when we were climbing up a hill. Me and Mack had to take him down to the hospital and they say he may lose a toe. His wife came up to be with him so me and Mack went back to our motel up in Pineneedle and finished up our vacation with just the two of us, but we still had a good time. WE managed to bag about 4 spotted owls each, so there's going to be some good eatin' coming up this week! I've been thinking lots about the money -- can you send it this week? I'm ready!!! Be sure to write! Your friend, Ron February 23, 2004 (TIME FOR THE MUGU TO INTRODUCE THE FIRST PHONY DOCUMENT. HMM... HE WANTS HIS SHARE OF SPOTTED OWL!) Dear Ron, it is so nice to note that you are back and that you also had a wonderful hunting trip,dont forget to keep my share owls as i wish you luck before your departure and i have patiently waited for your return. now that you are back the process can continue as to ensure the arrival of the money into your account, the only delay have been your absence as every necessary modalities to ensure success and transfer have been put in place. to avoid any further dealy please find below the draft copy of the text of application that you will need to send to the bank via fax for transfer of this money into your nomminated bank account. please find enclose a draft copy of the text of application that will be send to the bank by fax enclose with all information requested to enable the bank commence processing and transfer of the fund into your account that will be enclose on the application,study this application very carefully as to avoid any mistake and send it to me for confirmation before sending it to the bank,as i have earlier indicated this project can be achieve within7 working days commencing from the date the application is recieve by the bank. There will be nothing much to say now,i hope we can proceed on the processing without wasting time as to conclude within 7 working days that it will entail. ATTN:DR MUSA AGA, The Director of Operations Foreign Remittance Division INTERNATIONAL BANK FOR AFRICA. Lome-Togo. Tel:(+228)9152306 Fax:(+228)2507436 Dear Sir, APPLICATION FOR THE TRANSFER OF US$16,800,000 (sixteen million eight hundred thousand united state dollars )from ACCOUNT NUMBER: 14-255-2004/IBA/T Please be informed that, I. .......................................... ,of ............................................................ ........................,(please write your mailing address,email address and your telephone and fax numbers in the dotted lines.), wish to transfer the sum of US$16,800,000 (sixteen million million eight hundred thousand united state dollars ) from Account no: 14-255-2004/IBA/T and to be paid and transfered into this nominated Bank and Account number as will be detailed below. (please complete the following) BANK NAME:............................ ADDRESS OF BANK: ..................... ..................... ..................... ACCOUNT NO: .................... ROUTING NO: ....................(if available) SWIFT NO: ....................(if available) IN FAVOUR OF: ................... BENEFICIARY: .................... This is the money left behind in your bank by my deceased cousin, ENGR. MOHD LEVY SHIMONY SALAHELDDIN. Who died 5th october 1996 in an (Ethiopian Airline) aeroplane crash with his entire family.He was a syrian national,but resided in Lome - Togo.He operated and owned: LEVY SHIMONY COMPANY SARL (LEVY SHIMONY SOCIETE SARL) LOME -TOGO. I am his cousin and named next of kin with all documents of proof available. [Scam-o-note: this must be a Lad "in" joke. "Levy Shimony" is a name that Lads bandy about in some of their letters. Usually they say he is a Dead Bank Customer or else that he - like the legendary "Patrice Miller" - ripped them off, yes, the poor naive Lads. Levy and Mohammed are two names unlikely to be found on one person.] I wish as his heir apparent to claim and instruct that the above mentioned amount now dormant be transferred into my nominated bank and account as shown above. Please accept this late application as it was due to family logistic problems consequent upon his funeral rights and arrangement. I hope you will give my application your attention and expendite Action. Thanks for your co-operation Yours faithfully, ............... append signature and date. ======== Please study very carefully and send to me for confirmation before sending to the bank. i wish the best of luck and a cordial working relationship. yours ever jose . February 24, 2004 (RON REPLIES:) Dear Jose, It was real good to here back from you. I've been studying that form like you said, and trying to figure out all the stuff, like swift numbers and stuff. It's a little bit confusing but I think I can get everything all worked up good by tomorrow. Usually Charlene handles bank stuff but I don't want to get her involved just yet. I'll probly call my bank for a couple questions, but for sure I'll figure it out okay by tomorrow. But there is one problem, you want me to write my fax number but I don't got a fax machine. There's one in the office at my job but I don't think they'd let me use that to send stuff all the way to the Grand Republiqe of Toto, and for sure I can't get any faxes sent to me because everyone in the office would see them before me and they'd be talking about the money for sure. I'd have a real hard time explaining it to people Anyways I'll be writing you tomorrow with the draft like you asked, and I'm sure getting excited about being rich next week!! Your friend, Ron February 25, 2004 (OUR MUGU RESPONDS:) Dear Ron , Thank you for your prompt reply,please ensure all possible means for the application to get to the bank in time so that we can achieve success and ensure that we get this money into your account . if your fax is not very confidential,indicate your phone number and your email account,this is just a medium for the bank to get across to you. please also ensure that you study the application very carefully as to avoid any mistake. send the application to me first for confirmation before sending it to the bank,so that i can crosscheck and confirm all filled information and its accuracy. wishing a wonderful day and hoping to be with you soon. yours jose February 25, 2004 (RON REPLIES -- UH-OH, WE HAVE A PROBLEM HERE!) Dear Jose, Now don't get mad or anything. I know I promised to keep this all quiet and just between us and not to say anything to anybody about our business, but last night I was with my brother in law, Mack Nughette, (he's one of the guys I went hunting with, but not the guy who shot himself in the foot. That was Pete Sarr and he's doing okay and won't lose his toe after all though he probly won't be walking too good for awhile) Anyways Mack and me were drinking some beers and talking and stuff, and I really didn't meanto say anything about you and me and getting rich and everything, but I guess I had one beer too many and when we got to talking about money and trucks and things I just got too excited about being a millionair and I slipped up and told him. But it's okay, honest! I mean it!! You don't have to worry about Mack, and that's a promise, cross my heart. He's my oldest friend in the world. We grew up together, and he married Charlene's sister, so he's also my brother in law so he's family now and I like him even better than my real brother. Nieither of us would ever do anything that could make trouble for each other, cause we're pals for life. Actually I'm kind of glad I brought it up because Mack is real smart, way smarter than me. I mean he's REALLY smart! He did real good in school and even went to college, and now he's some kind of bigshot accountant at Wal-mart and makes a lot of money, not that he's stuck up about it or anything, he's a regular guy, just like me, except he drinks Budweiser instead of Old Milwaukee on account of because he can afford to. But anyways he knows all about money and numbers and things, all that stuff I really don't know much about, and after I explained how your going to be giving me all this money and stuff he thought about our deal and he said that there's one big problem with it that I wasn't thinking about: taxes. He took a piece of paper and started writing down numbers and doing math and stuff. I mean, he's so smart he doesn't need to use a calculater, he figured out all this stuff just by dividing and multiplying with his head. But what he told me was that if you put sixteen million eight hundred thousand dollars in my savings account, the bank is going to tell the IRS, which is the goverment people who take our tax money. The IRS won't care where the money come from, but their going to say that it's income and they'll want me to pay taxes on it!! It gets real complicated here. I'm glad Mack wrote it on paper because I had a hard time following him (I was a little bit drunk, but it's hard to refuse when he's pouring Budweiser, I"m sure you understand), but thismorning on the phone he explained it all more clearly when I had the paper in front of me. So what it is, right now I'm in what Mack calls a "tax bracket," which means how much percent of my salary the IRS takes out. Right now it's a 23% bracket, so that means theIRS takes 23% of the money me and Charlene make. But when your a millionair the IRS puts you in a 42% bracket. Mack says that means that at the end of the year the goverment is going to make me pay them 42% of the $16,800,000 that your going to put in my bank account, which comes to $7,056,000!! But then Mack says it gets worse. I make $21,600 a year at the factory, and Charlene gets $16,200 at Wal-mart, so when you put it together we make $37,800, and in the regular bracket the goverment takes about $8700 in tax from our money. But when we're millionairs they'll tax our paychecks at the new 42% bracket so instead of $8700 we're going to have to pay $15876 in tax. So all together Mack says we're going to have to pay $7,071,876.00 in taxes. Since your smart like Mack I'm sure you can see the problem because after we split the money according to our deal, I'm going to have $3,360,000, which ain't enough even to pay the tax and it leaves nothing left for me! So it means if I do this deal with you it'll cost me $3,711,876, which of course I don't have, and I won't have any money at all! So much for being a mililonair. This was all real confusing and upsetting to me but Mack promises me that he's right, and I trust him. (I'm sure you can understandn these numbers because you work at a bank.) Anyway, I got real depressed after that, but then Mack said that there's a way around this problem and I can still be a millionair, I just can't use my savings account at the bank here in Edna. He says what I have to do is get what he calls an "ofshore" account, which he says is a bank somewhere like in the Bahamas or some island outside the US that the IRS won't know nothing about, so I won't have to pay any taxes at all because they'll never know. I told him I can't go travelling to some island to open a bank account but he says he knows someone right here in Edna who can do it all for me without me having to go anywhere, so he gave me the name of this guy he says that Wal-mart has worked with and who is super-smart and totally reliable and can do everything for me, and he also said he's "discreet," which Mack explains means that he can keep a secret. So everything's okay after all, but it means it'll take a couple more days because I don't have the new bank account yet, so DON'T SEND THE MONEY to me and Charlene's bank, okay? This is important! I'll have the new bank in a couple of days and I'll tell you where it can go, so we won't have to worry about anything. Just wait a couple more days. I'm real sorry about the extra time but it's going **to be all okay, in fact even better than I thought before and it'll still be done by next week so we don't have to wait long. And you don't have to worry about our secret, I can vouch for Mack, he won't tell nobody nothing about this. I'd trust Mack with my life, okay? Your friend, Ron February 26, 2004 (WHAT A NICE GUY! OUR MUGU IS WILLING TO CUT MACK NUGHETTE INTO THE DEAL! TOO BAD I DIDN'T READ HIS EMAIL BEFORE GOING TO THE LAWYER..........) Dear Ron, I hope all is well with your immediate family,i did go through your mail very carefully and the context was well understood. There is always room for human error in which we learn against mistake,though i was not too impress with your disclosing this project to a third party but since you assured me that the people that you havedisclose it to a trusted people that will not in any way distrup this project and will not expose us to risk,it is ok by me. Your friend advice was most useful because we would have made a very big mistake which will leave you with nothing as the end and even keep you indebted,i most commend your effort and innitiative for this effort,this is a proposition of mutual interest that should leave you richer that your present statue after completion and not to keep you indebted,this will most goes contrary to my motives. The tax situation in your country is most killing as such will not be to our collective advantage as large sum of this fund will go for tax payment which will leave us with nothing after all the financial expenditure that i have undertaking to get to this stage. i am ok with you involving , Mack Nughette since you can trust him but i am not so confortable with the third guy that will fix the account for you outside the us,they have thier ways and are at times agents to law enforcement and in most cases can not be trusted,because the account informations will be at his disposal and he might have access to this fund when it gets into the account,the safety and security of this fund is my topmost priority. in view of this development as a banker,i went into study today and verify all countries of the world in regards to monentry taxes and liberal laws on money laundry and i narrow my search to a country in europe (holland) which holds no restriction to the entry of huge deposit into individual account as the most encourage foreign investors, i took my time again and went through the whole banks in netherland as to determine the banks that will be most suitable for this project and that will give us the outmost discreetion required where you can open an online account and i came across this bank ,after going through the bank informations i came to the conclution that it will most suit our purpose so please get intouch with the bank through this website and open an online non resident dollar account without delay so that we can proceed. Find below the bank website: (http://www.atlasmercantile.net) Please get intouch with this bank without any delay and open an operating online non resident dollar account,ensure that the account is activiated before putting it on the application,from experince as a banker,this will indicate that the account is operating and it was not openned intentionally for the reciept of this money,this way it will not attract attention as any authority will confirm that the account is operating before the arrival of this fund from our bank,please note this point of activation it is very important to safeguard our money and not pay any much taxes. involve Mack Nughette in the account openning since you can trust him,i will map out 10% for his compersation when this money arrive your account,but please ensure that all this information does not pass out between the two of you. please check out the AM LITE and AM PREMIUM account category of the bank,i feel it will best suit our purpose. keep me inform so that i can still advice as a banker and ensure also to establish a telephone communication with me on my private tel number +2289211077 as to create verbal familiarity that will make it easy to recognise each other voice when we meet. please comply fast to this mail as we have waisted enough precious time. wishing you a wonderful working day and my greetings to your family. yours jose February 26, 2004 (OOPS, TOO LATE! RON'S ALREADY BEEN TO THE LAWYER!) Dear Jose, My daddy used to sometimes say "great minds think alike," and I guess that's the case because even before I read your email I was already thinking we can't waist any more time because this is real important. And so last night I didn't sleep too good because I was thinking about how to speed things up so there won't be no problems in you getting that money out, so this morning first thing I called my job and told them I was sick and couldn't come in today. I hated to lie like that because I don't like lying, I'm an honest guy, but I just had to get the day off and there wasn't no other way to do it, so I pretended I'm sick and then I went straight downtown to check with this lawyer guy that Mack told me about. He was busy but I talked to his secretary, Miss Percise, about how to fill out some papers and stuff so I can get him to be my lawyer. She was a real pretty lady! And real nice too. I swear she was giving me the eye, like maybe she kind of liked me too. But anyway she said that I could have an appointment with Mr. Freizwidatt right after lunch at 1 o'clock but that I needed to bring a retainer fee. That kind of confused me because I thought retainers were something that dentists made for kids, but she kind of laughed real sweet like I was making a joke and explained that it's what I have to pay the lawyer guy upfront so he'll work for me. I almost lost my breakfast when she told me his fee was $3000! But then I remembered that $3000 isn't much when I'll be a millionair next week, except I didn't know where I could get the money now because I can't take it from the bank without Charlene knowing. But then I remembered that we've been saving up cash for our vacation in Disney World, sticking money every week into a box in the dresser, so I can sneak $3000 in cash out of there and Charlene won't notice, and by the time we need the money for vacation we'll be rich anyway so it won't matter any. SO it's all set, I went right back home and got the retainer money and then went back to see Mr. Freizwidatt. I could tell he's another real smart guy, just like Mack told me. I know we can trust him just like we can trust Mack. I gave him the $3000 in cash to be a retainer, and so now he's working for me. He's a real nice guy and he said he can handle everything and I dont' have to worry about anything. He gave me a paper for a "power of attorney" which he says that if me and Charlene sign it he can legally do anything just as if I was doing it all by myself. I'm not sure what I'm going to tell Charlene when I get her to sign it but Mr. Freizwidatt suggested I just tell her it's for my job, for new health insurance or something. Anyway, once he has that he can open up the bank account in my name and he'll be sending you an email with all that stuff, so you can work with him just like it was straight with just me, only even better. He said he'll write you probbly today or tomorrow to get started. Anyway he's going to fix up everything so I don't have to worry about trying to understand all those papers and things because that's his job and he'll be working for me. And Susan, that's Miss Percise's name, explained that there's something she called "lawyer-client confidentiality' (I had to write that one down!) which means that anything I say to him has to be a secret because that's the way it works with lawyers, it's kind of like with priests, whatever you tell them has to be a secret and they can't tell no one else. So don't worry, we can trust him. It's not like our secret will get out because there's that lawyer-client confidentul thing. After I got back home I got to read your email, which I have to admit was a little confusing. But now I see you would rather I get Mack to set up the bank instead of the lawyer but it's already too late to change because I gave him the $3000 already, and anyway this guy knows a lot more about this kind of stuff than Mack. That's REAL nice of you to offer to cut Mack into the deal, but I'm not saying anything to him yet. I mean, he's already been a big help, just like you said because he's the guy that pointed out the tax troulbe that now we don't have to worry about. But I don't know if that's worth 10% or not. I'll let you decide. But we don't have to give no more to the lawyer guy, I already paid him upfront. After just now reading your email, if I understand you right you don't want me to do a bank account ofshore but instead want to use that Holland bank you found. That's all just fine with me, I just forrwarded a copy of that to the lawyer so he'll know what to do next. So it looks like tomorrow everything will be set! I'm lookig forward to getting all that stuff done, and between you and me I'm kind of looking forward to seeing Sue, the secretary, again. She's a real pretty gal and she sure got my heart pumping! I'm really excited now! We're almost there, you and me will be rich in a few more days! Your friend, Ron February 26, 2004 (ENTER JUAN FREIZWIDATT, ESQ., UNSCRUPULOUS LAWYER. HE WRITES TO THE MUGU, WITH COPY TO RON. BE SURE TO CATCH THE ZIP CODE -- I CHOSE EDNA, KY DELIBERATELY BECAUSE OF THE ZIP.) Attn: Mr. Jose Randy From: Juan Freizwidatt, Attorney At Law cc: Mr. Ron Reynolds Dear Mr. Randy, My client, Mr. Ronald W. Reynolds, has retained me to act on his behalf in concluding a business agreement arranged between yourself and Mr. Reynolds. You may rest assured that with his official Power of Attorney I am legally qualified to make any arrangements and/or payments, and can submit any legal papers as may be required by the authorities of your bank or courts. All such transactions will be handled in the strictest confidence. You can be assured of total confidentiality, as well as my complete cooperation in any and all required modalities. Mr. Reynolds has given me the initial draft form which you requested on February 23rd. I am currently in the process of setting up an offshore account in the Virgin Islands in Mr. Reynolds' name. The necessary paperwork will be completed and the account will be active within 48 hours, at which time we can proceed with the transfer of $16,800,000 as already agreed between yourself and Mr. Reynolds. Again, I can assure you complete confidentiality throughout this process. Please contact me with any questions, and please forward all relevant documents directly to my attention. You can send copies to Mr. Reynold's email address at the same time, just for his information, but under his Power of Attorney all filings will be handled by me. I look forward to the speedy completion of this transaction. Sincerely yours, Juan Freizwidatt, Esq. Freizwidatt & Milscheik, Attorneys at Law The Rasbry Building, Suite 200 Edna, KY 41419 February 26, 2004 (NOW FREIZWIDATT WRITES PRIVATELY TO THE MUGU. TIME TO CUT A DEAL:) Okay, "Jose," let's put all our cards on the table. I just sent you a nice little formal email, with a copy to Ron Reynolds. As you can see, he has given me Power of Attorney to handle everything for him because he's too stupid to do it himself. He is totally in my control now. This email is just between you and me -- Reynolds obviously won't see this one, and I expect you to keep this one to yourself as well. Let's get straight to the point. I'm a busy man and I don't have time to screw around. We need to work together right from the start and not waste any time playing games -- that way we can both make some serious money, fast. I know you're running a scam on Ron Reynolds -- it's pretty obvious to anyone with half a brain (fortunately for you and me both, Reynolds doesn't have half a brain or he would already have seen right through this). Your ploy is a classic and you're doing a great job with it. (I know, I know -- you're going to try to deny it all and insist that this is legit. LISTEN TO ME -- DON'T BOTHER. Don't waste your time or mine getting defensive and pretending this is for real. You're not stupid and neither am I.) I'll tell you upfront that I DON'T CARE that you're pulling a scam. I'm sure as hell not going to blow the whistle on you. In fact I congratulate you. That's a real sweet racket you got going, so more power to you -- I admire a man with a brain. I've got my own little things going, not the same kind of deals you're pulling but pretty clever little money-making tricks all the same, so you and I are comrades in arms. I'd be the last person to try to blow your scheme. All I care about is the almighty dollar, and I'm sure you feel the same. So listen up: this Ron Reynolds guy that you're toying with is a complete idiot. He's a fucking moron who doesn't have enough brains to know how to wipe his own ass if he didn't have that fat cow of a wife running his life for him. There is no way in hell he could follow through on a deal like you're trying to hook him into. He just isn't smart enough to follow instructions about sending banking information, or wiring money, or any of that shit. You'll spend the next two years trying to explain to him exactly how to take his fucking money to Western Union and send it to you -- and you STILL won't get it. It just won't work. The asshole is practically brain-dead. The ONLY way this deal of yours is going to work is to run it through me. Reynolds trusts me totally and he'll do anything I say. In fact I don't even have to say anything -- with his POA I can just do whatever I want with his money! So here's the deal in a nutshell. YOU AND I WORK TOGETHER. You keep playing out your little scam just like you planned it, and I hold Reynold's hand all the way through the process so that we can actually pull this off. With his Power of Attorney I have total access to their bank accounts. All you need to do is cook up the numbers for the right amount, send him all the phony documents and usual blah-blah-blah so he keeps believing in it, then I can pull the money out of his account and tell him it's all taken care of. (You know what's really sweet about this deal??? The idiot is paying me to do it!!) Then, when it blows up in his face, my ass is covered and you're off in the wilds of Nigeria with a fat load of U.S. dollars, nowhere to be found. We're totally scot-free and he can't do a damn thing about it. Let me tell you, Jose, I'm sick to fucking death of dealing with pathetic little weenies like Ron Fucking Reynolds!!! There are too many of these idiots around here. I'd much rather work with people with some street smarts, like you. I don't know exactly how much money he has yet, but I'll know within a couple of days. **From what he's telling me so far I think we can easily score at least $10,000 apiece, and maybe a whole lot more -- I'm figuring on taking out a second mortgage on his house, without telling him of course. Depending upon how much equity he has, we might be able to squeeze as much as $25,000-$50,000 each if we play our cards right. As soon as I have all his cash, I'll send you one-half by the tried-and-true Western Union route. We're equal partners and we need each other for this to work. Agreed? You can definitely count on me. This is a partnership. I can't scam the money from him by myself and you'll never get it from him without my help. It's just that simple. But -- if we work together on this -- we can both get some VERY easy money, and we'll do it one hell of a lot faster than you're used to. We don't need to play any games between us -- if we work together this is going to be quick and easy, and very profitable for you and me both. PLUS -- if this works like I'm sure it will, you and I have a real future of working together. I have plenty of old clients with money just begging to be scammed. We can work up a regular deal together. I'll get email addresses for these people, you can write them to set up the scenario, and -- here's the best part!!-- you can tell them to CONSULT THEIR ATTORNEY!! How can they not believe the deal is legitimate if you're encouraging them to talk to a lawyer?! It's just too perfect. So they'll come to me, I'll do the same as with Reynolds, we score the money and split it. As long as you're the one behind it they can't come back on me if the deal goes sour. Not my fault! And, of course, you'll be nowhere to be found since you're on the other side of the world. It's a really sweet deal that could get us each $100K or more this year. Think it over. I can't do it alone, but if we work together we'll both be rolling in the big bucks. So, what do you say, partner, we got a deal? Let's get moving on Reynolds while he's still hot to trot. There's money just begging to be taken, and I want my part! Juan February 27, 2004 (THE MUGU FESSES UP TO THE LAWYER -- AND TRIES TO SCAM HIM IN THE PROCESS! HAS HE NO SHAME? OF COURSE NOT...) Dear Juan, Greetings from other side of the world,you got me tight and i must confess i like your courage. Yes we can work together and before the year runs out we can rake $5 miliion a piece as against your asumme100k,this is a syndicate and you are most welcome. I will give you this confidence after all i can not collect money from ron without you and if you are very sure about other clients that you can forward their Email and details,then we will be too busy together till the year runs out. We can conclude ron within a week and get all the money,of course you are protected as all focus will be on us down here and you can be rich and spend your cash in the us without any suspecion,but first we need to establish trust since the money will have to come through you,what is the guarantee that we get out part?. Ron deal will decide,if ron deals get concluded and we get our share right,then you are the man. To create confidence of your intention that we are partners and that we will work together for real,Ron have already inform me that he paid a retainers fee of $3000 dollars to you. send our share via western union as soon as you recive this mail to this information. Mr PRINCE OLUCHI EZENWA LOME -TOGO WEST AFRICA. And send the western union payment information to me via this mail account. Then we can commence with ron and collect the his whole money through you before next week. call me for any detail on this private number +2289211022. I wish very much that you comply because you are about to discover the fastest money making venture available in the world ,there are other practical aspect of this deal that have to be disclose to you,but first prove yourself by sending part of our share from the retainers fees that ron paid you . You have my word and confidence,you can rake in more than $5 million if we proceed on good arrangement. yours prince. aka jose February 27, 2004 (THE CROOKED LAWYER SETS THE MUGU STRAIGHT:) Dear Prince, I'm glad we have come to an agreement in principle. Smart man. But now let's get down to brass tacks. This is a small town so I don't see any way to generate millions here, but we definitely have the potential to make a solid chunk of cash anyway. The real question is trust, just like you say. As to your demand that I send you half of the retainer that Reynolds gave me: forget it, pal. No way, Jose. Two things. Number one, that's not part of our deal. My private business is my private business. Whatever Reynolds pays me for my official services is none of your business, no offense. Number two, that money was all processed officially. My secretary drew up the contract, took the money, gave Reynolds a receipt, and deposited it in the bank yesterday. It makes no difference whether it's cash or check, retainer fees are upfront and fully documented and there's no way I can dip into it as if it were play money. So forget it. I'm not paying you to trust me. We're in an equal position here. What's that old saying -- "honor among thieves"? You're a businessman just like me, so let's take a look at the situation in a rational business light. What would be my motivation to screw you out of half of the Reynolds' deal? Sure, I'd end up with $30K-$40K (or whatever) instead of only $15K-$20K. Well, that's a chunk of change, but it's not enough to change my life. BUT -- what's my motivation to follow through with my promise? I get half as much money now, but there's the future potential to make a BUNDLE more. A short term gain isn't worth my blowing future potential. I'm not stupid, Prince! I'd rather take less now and get more later. That's only common sense. Now, what about your situation, what are your risk/benefits? If we work together we'll wrap this deal up no later than Monday or Tuesday, and you get half the money, whatever that total turns out to be. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO is send Reynolds some fancy-looking form so he believes the deal is concluded. That's it. You've already done the rest of the work. That's pretty fucking easy money, pal! So what happens if I shaft you and don't split the money that I pull from Reynolds' accounts? Nothing. You won't have lost a penny. You're right where you started. So, bottom line, you have EVERYTHING TO GAIN AND NOTHING TO LOSE! So here is it in a nutshell: either we work together on mutual trust or we forget the whole thing right now. I'm a busy man and I'm not going to waste any more time dicking around. If you want to pass up this opportunity, fine -- bye bye, see ya, good luck! I still have my retainer. It's not as much as I'm hoping for, but at least it hasn't been a complete waste of time for me. But if you DO want to make some money by early next week, all you have to do is stay in touch with Reynolds, tell him we've arranged the transfer, send him something fancy to make him feel all warm and cuddly about being rich in just a few more days, and then sit back and wait for your cash to come in. All you have left to do at this point is write a couple of emails, then it's DONE DEAL. You said it yourself, pal: "Ron deal will decide, if ron deals get concluded and we get our share right,then you are the man." So, let's do the Ron deal and take it from there. No games between us, no bullshit about taking any of my retainer. Screw that. This is business. The ball's in your court, Prince. If you want to move forward, let me know. Otherwise, hasta la vista, baby, it was nice knowing you. It's your choice: make some serious money next week, or kiss it all goodbye. Juan February 27, 2004 (MEANWHILE, RON IS HOT FOR SUE PERCISE, AND NERVOUS ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE DEAL:) Dear Jose, I hope you got my email yesterday and that it's okay about the lawyer and all, I hope you ain't mad at me because I did that, but I did'nt read your email yesterday until I'd already been down to see him, and anyways I think this will work better. Like you said, we can't waist any more time! But when you didn't write this morning I started thinking you must be mad and don't want to do our deal. I sure hope that ain't so. I got Charlene to sign that paper last night. She was a little suspiciouis but she did it anyway. At lunchtime today I went down to Mr. Freizwidatt's office and took it to him, and he said that was all he needs and everything will be just fine, but that he was still waiting to here from you, that you didn't send him an answer to his email. I hope you'll write him real soon so we can get that money transfered right away! He seems like a real nice guy, and real smart. I know he can take care of everything real fast, and I trust him like I trust Mack. I can tell he's a good guy. Miss Percise, his secretary, was just going to lunch when I left Mr. Freizwidatt's office and so she asked me if I wanted to go have a sandwich with her. My heart started beating so fast I thought maybe she could hear it!! We went down the corner and had lunch together and talked. Hot damn she's a pretty lady! I know I'm married and all, but sometimes I sure wish I was single, I swear Sue was giving me the eye. I may have to find some excuse to go back down to his office real soon, just to see her, real casual like. Anyway, the important thing is the money, so I hope you will write Mr. Freizwidatt today so we can get going! Your friend, Ron February 27, 2004 (THE MUGU REASSURES A NERVOUS RON) Dear Ron, i have been contacted by your lawyer and i will get intouch with him soon. happy weekend. yours jose February 27, 2004 (THE MUGU WRITES THE LAWYER, AND GETS INSULTING) Dear juan, That was really smart of you,after all you got 3000 head or tail you dont loose,but this is always the thinking of cheap crminal minded fellows like you,if I kiss this deal bye-bye i have nothing to loose,i have clients just like ron too many,so ron money can not make me any richer,if i take a trip to the continent of asia on business,i can sure rake in $200.000.00 in two months,which you can not make in cash in a lifetime,so there is a clear difference between our ability. i would very much have appreciated if your intention was to learn the game and get equip to mve around raking money monthly,but your mail clearly shows you intention which is a pity. i will move along with you on ron,i will bycot a lot of administrative protocol associated with this deal as to ensure that we get the whole fund by tuesday,but i will warn you ,dont fuck with me or my money or else i will personnally sign your contract with my italian mafia click,they will get you no matter where you hide. tell me how much is at stake,how much of ron cash can you have access to so that i know how to prepare which documents that will bear such amount as charges. i dont want to trust you because something deep in my mind warns me to be careful with you,that you are not for real but anyway we can do Ron and see what happens,respond urgent as ron is awaiting to hear frm me,i have recieved three mails from him,about his comming to submit the sign paper work to you and went to lunch with your sec. i await your urgent responce so that we can proceed,but if you fuck with me,i will show you that my arm is very long and can get you in the us,it is my syndicate contacts. prince. February 27, 2004 (THE LAWYER GETS INDIGNANT) Listen pal, I don't much like your attitude -- "cheap criminal?" "Clear difference between our ability"? "I don't want to trust you"?? Well, fuck you and the horse you rode in on. I'm not going to sit here and let some dirtbag insult me. And if you have so fucking many clients that this money doesn't mean anything to you, why the fuck are you giving me such a hard time about it? I'm going to Reynolds' bank first thing Monday morning to check out his finances, then I'll know how much is at stake. And then, and ONLY THEN, will I decide if I want to partner with some asshole who has the stinking nerve to threaten me. You hear what I'm saying, Mr. Hotshot SmartAss Mafia Guy?? You want to work with me, you show some respect. Otherwise take a hike. February 29, 2004 (RON AND SUE HAVE AN AFFAIR) Dear Jose I don't suppose you've heard anything from Mr. Friezwidatt because it's the weekend and all, but I sure hope everything's okay and you can send the money next week! Sue told me on Friday that she would be working for a few hours on Saturday just to get some stuff out of the way. I stopped by just to say hello. I kind of hoped Mr. Freizwidatt would be there too so I could ask him about our deal but he was gone, but it was great because I got to talk to Sue alone. But then she asked if I wanted to meet her for dinner, which kind of surprised me but got me excited too, so I said sure. It's a good thing that Charlene is working the night shift for the next few days! So we ended up having dinner and some drinks at her apartment last night, and I guess I should be ashamed but things just kind of happened and it was pretty exciting, even though now I feel kind of bad because it was a wrong thing to do, but how could I turn down such a pretty lady? She's real special. I don't know if I can see her today or not, but I'm kind of hoping. Tomorrow I won't be able to go down there because I'll be stuck all day at work and can't even get away for lunch, but anyways I'll be calling over there to talk to Sue and to Mr. Freizwidatt just to make sure everything's good. Please don't say anything to Mr. Freizwidatt about me and Sue, it was just one of those things and I don't think it'll happen again. Okay? Your friend, Ron March 1, 2004 (MONDAY -- RON'S GETTING WORRIED) Dear Jose, Have you heard from the lawyer today?? I been trying to call him this afternoon and there ain't no answer, even Sue ain't answering the phones. I don't understand why, I mean it ain't a holiday so they shoudl be open. I sent him an email this morning but he never wrote me back. I can't go down there now to check but I don't understand why nobody answers the phone!! Write me back quick, okay? I need to know what's happening!! Your friend, Ron March 1, 2004 (LATER THE SAME DAY. OH, NO! WE HAVE A PROBLEM! RON IS PANICKING) Something's really wrong! I don't know what to do, you gotta help me Jose! I just got the afternoon paper and I about spit out my beer when I saw this article I just scanned and attached so you can see it. It says Mr. Freizwidatt was arrested!! And Sue has been arrested too! That's why no one was there when I called. I don't understand, I mean, there has to be a mistake! How could they arrest him and Sue? It don't make no sense at all!! What do we do now? I just don't know what to do. Thank god Charlene is working the **night shift, there's no way I could explain why I'm so nervus right now. There's just gotta be a mistake, somehow someone screwed up somewhere. What should I do? Should I call the police and ask them? I can't get ahold of Sue to find out what's going on. Damn damn damn damn damn!! Help me out here, Jose! (I attached a very realistic scan of a newspaper clipping, created in Pagemaker. To save bandwith I'll just list the text here rather than insert the scan. It looked VERY real:) [It really did!] LOCAL ATTORNEY ARRESTED IN ALLEGED FRAUD INVESTIGATION by Harlan Sanders Courrier Exclusive Noted Edna, KY attorney Juan Freizwidatt was arrested early today by agents of the Federal Bureau of Investigation on charges of fraud and elder-abuse. Mr. Freizwidatt, a partner in the firm Freizwidatt & Milsheik with offices in the Strabry building in downtown Edna, is alleged to have stolen $85,000 from Mrs. Britt Spears, 81, of rural McDonald county. According to her daughter, Mrs. Martha Stewart, Mrs. Spears is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's disease. She apparently signed over all of her bank accounts to Mr. Freizwidatt, who had been retained to manage her investments. According to documents made available by an anonymous source close to the investigation, Mr. Freizwidatt used these funds for his own purposes, including paying gambling debts and purchasing favors from prostitutes in Lexington. After being photographed and fingerprinted at the local police station, Freizwidatt was taken to the McDonald County Courthouse for a hearing before Judge Wapner, where he pleaded not guilty. The judge then set bail at $20,000. To the surprise of the court and local and Federal police officials, Mr. Freizwidatt immediately paid the bail in cash, which he was carrying in his suit pocket. Having paid the bail he was then allowed to leave, with instructions to return on Tuesday morning for arraignment. Detective Jack N.D. Bachs, senior FBI investigator, said afterward that they will "certainly be asking questions about the source of the large amount of cash that Mr. Freizwidatt was carrying on his person." Police and FBI agents seized files and computers at both Mr. Freizwidatt's office and home, and investigators will be studying paperwork and email files looking for further clues. Although Mr. Freizwidatt is formally charged with only one count of fraud, investigators indicate that there are several other former Freizwidatt & Milsheik clients who have reported irregularities in their accounts. Agents will be searching for anything that might substantiate the allegations. Detective Bachs says "it is almost certain that additional counts of fraud and fiduciary irresponsibility will be filed with the next week, after a full review of the seized emails." Susan Percise, secretary to Mr. Freidwidatt, was questioned for over three hours at police headquarters this afternoon, but no charges have been filed against her and she is not believed to be implicated. Mr. Freizwidatt's former law partner, Michael Milsheik, retired two years ago and is not considered a suspect in this case. When approached by reporters he replied simply "I wouldn't put it past the bastard to rip off an old lady." March 2, 2004 (THE MUGU SCOLDS RON) Dear Ron, I have read the story on the journal with keen interest and the fate that befall the attorney and it is most unfortunate that you decided to arrange with a scam and illegal lawyer to steal all this money to you,it is most dissapointing to note that after all the trust i impose on your as a brother and associate you have such dubious intention to my money. i remember that i earlier told you that i dont trust the involvement of a third party,that if you really wanted a foreign bank account openned,you can open an online non resident account with the bank in holland which can be arrange by you through your computer on the bank website without the involvement of a third party but because of your dubious intention towards this money you collided with a fraudulent lawyer to swindle me of this money if i may ask where is trust?honesty?. [Wow -- that's a good question, Jose!!] i propose this project to you with all good intent for mutual benefit,i offered to you avery reasonable percentage which the guarantee that you will be in total control of this money on trust before my arrival,is it a crime to trust again in this world,if not for the involvement of the dirty lawyer the deal will have been concluded and the money would have been in your account by now. i will want you to do the following,check as a matter of urgency ,the balance left in your bank account,because since you gave the lawyer a power of attorney,he can make withdrawal from your account without your knowledge ,so please rush down to your bank immediatly and check your account balance to ensure that no money have been withdrawn without your consent. check also if a modgage of loan have been undertaking on your house or behalf without your consent and check all other of your financial information as to ensure that no withdrawal have been undertaking on your behalf without your consent. do this immediatly and get back to me,cancell all right you gace to the lawyer and stop any other correspondance with him,if he get the opportunity to talk to you he can still convince you and steal all your money blindly,stop all other correspondance with him,dont take his call and change your email account immediatly and write me a mail with the new mail account,block his email account to ensure that he dont send you any mail any longer,after all this directives have been observed,then inform me so that we can proceed with the openning of the offshore account and we can transfer this money tino this account without any delay. please dont make any mistake again as this will make me loose trust in your confidence. yours jose. March 2, 2004 (RON IS FREAKING OUT) Dear Jose, I tried all morning to call Sue from work but there ain't no one answering the phones. I think they shut down the office. Honest, Jose, I didn't have no dubius intentions about your money and I sure wasn't trying to swindle you! Honest! I thought the lawyer would make everything real simple. I sure didn't ever think he was a crook! Now I don't know what's going on! I only got a minute to use this computer at work, I'll write just as soon as I get home this afternoon. Your friend, Ron March 2, 2004 (THINGS ARE GOING FROM BAD TO WORSE FOR POOR RON) Dear Jose, It's getting worse! Look at this afternoon's newspaper! Come on, Jose, you gotta tell me what's goning on here! They're tlaking about some guy getting ripped off by Freizwidatt, and they mentioned your name!! Are you messing around with me somehow? That can't be true! Jesus, Jose, I'm in deep shit here! Charlene's gonna blow a fuse if this is true!! HELP ME OUT, JOSE! I gotta put that $3000 back into the dresser drawer right now before charlene finds out. Can you loan me $3000? Take it out of the money you're sending, I don't care, I"ll pay you back double, but I gotta have some money! I mean, you're not jerking me around, are you? You can loan me back the money? Help me out, Jose, I just don't know what to do! Ron (ATTACHMENT: ANOTHER REALISTIC NEWS CLIPPING, AS FOLLOWS:) ACCUSED ATTORNEY FAILS TO APPEAR AT ARRAIGNMENT: ARREST WARRANT ISSUED by Harlan Sanders Courrier Exclusive Juan Freizwidatt, the Edna attorney who was arrested and released on bail on Monday in an alleged fraud investigation, failed to appear for his arraignment this morning. A furious Judge Wapner immediately issued a bench warrant for Freizwidatt's arrest, but when police and FBI agents went to the attorney's office and home they could not find the defendant. Police report that Freizwidatt's car and many personal effects were gone and they assume that he has fled to avoid prosecution. An all-points bulletin has been issued and he is being sought by police agencies around the country. Airports have been notified to watch for him should he attempt to leave the country, but agents admit that he could have travelled out of the United States between his initial arrest and today's arraignment proceedings. Freizwidatt, a noted attorney with offices in the Rasbry Building, is accused of fraud and elder-abuse in the case of an 81 year-old woman in rural McDonald County. His office and personal records, as well as computers, were confiscated by FBI agents yesterday. Sources close to the investigation reveal that the computer files show a series of fraudulent activities, and additional charges were to be filed at today's arraignment. Sources also indicate that Freizwidatt may have been conspiring with an African scam artist working under the name of Jose Randy, alias "Prince Oluchi Ezenwa" to cheat an Edna man out of his life savings with a so-called "advance fee" scam. Police were expected to interview the victim soon to learn more about this fraudulent activity. The so-far unnamed victim's bank accounts were apparently emptied by Freizwidatt just yesterday, along with a substantial portion of his home equity which was assigned to Freizwidatt under a fraudulently-obtained Power of Attorney. Chief FBI investigator Jack N.D. Bachs now believes that the large amount of cash which the attorney used to pay his bail shortly after his arrest was the money just stolen from the victim's bank accounts. He also believes that Freizwidatt may be travelling to the west African nation of Togo to connect with his associate there. Interpol has been advised and the African partner is being sought for questioning. Sue Percise, secretary to Juan Freizwidatt, refused comment today. She is not considered a suspect in the case, nor is Freizwidatt's retired law partner, Michael Milsheik, who said today that Freizwidatt "is the scum of the earth." March 2, 2004 (THE NEWS KEEPS GETTING WORSE AND RON'S HAVING A MELTDOWN) I just got a call from Sue. I can't believe she called me at home. Thank god Charlene wasn't here! I don't like what she's telling me. She says the cops told her that you and Mr. Freizwidatt were working together, pulling some scam on me to steal my money!! Say it ain't true, Jose. It can't be! You wouldn't do that to me? What the hell's going on?? I need my money back! Sue says you guys took a whole lot of money out of my bank. It's too late for me to call over to the bank right now but I just don't believe it, not even hearing it from Sue. What's the real story? WRITE ME QUICK! Ron March 3, 2004 (NO REPLY FROM THE MUGU; RON'S WORLD IS GOING TO PIECES) Jesus Jose, my world's falling apart all around me! What did you do to me? I don't understand!! The police were at my house at 8 this morning! And the FBI!!! At my house!!! They asked me all kinds of questions about Mr. Freizwidatt, and about you! They had copoies of all our emails! All of them, every one of them! They even knew everything about Sue and me! I couldn't believe it. Charlene just about went berserk. She would have killed me, I mean honest to god killed me dead on the spot if the cops hadn't been there and stopped her! She was throwing everything she could get her hands on. She got me good right upside the head with a pan from the kitchen. That hurt like hell and I was bleeding like a stuck pig!! The cops ended up having to take me out of the house. I tried to go to Sue's house but she got real angry at me on account of she didn't know I was married, so now she's pissed. I'm at my buddy Mack's house for now but his wife is Charlene's sister so I don't think she's gonna let me stay here. I don't know where I can go. I don't know anything right now. I mean, did you really steal that money frrom me like the FBI man says? How could you do that? I thought we were friends! My whole damn life is falling apart here, Jose, and I don't know what to do! You gotta send me some money, quick! Charlene'll forgive me if I can replace all that money. Can't you send it back? Don't leave me hanging like this, you're supposed to be my friend, I was helping you! Write me back quick, okay? Ron March 3, 2004 (THE MUGU REPLIES AT LAST, AND HE IS STILL TRYING TO SALVAGE HIS SCAM! NOTE THAT HE IS READY TO SEND A COPY OF THE LAWYER'S EMAIL, BUT NOT HIS REPLY TO THE LAWYER.) Dear Ron, Tell me that all this is a joke and i will wake up to reality,i told you how we are to proceed and you will not listen to me rather you contact a crook of lawyer and i have refuse to respond to his mail officially when he contacted on your behalf,because i want to understand if both of you are working together or if it is all a joke. i dont trust this your mail account,open a new email account and get intouch with me through this mail account,i believe that the FBI might be monitoring this mail,there might be a way,but i must confess to you that i did not steal your money,you introduce the lawyer to me,i dont know him until you introduce him to me,so how could i have stolen your money with somebody i dont know,think about this fact and you will see the complication in the whole project. i will forward to you a mail the lawyer wrote to me in confidence after you left his office the first time,you gave him my email account,so you should be responsible for whatever happened,as you will notlisten to my directives rather you prefer to do things your way. get intouch with me through this new email account and i will give you directives,but be relax everything will be ok. yours jose March 4, 2004 (THIS IS STARTING TO GET OLD. ENOUGH'S ENOUGH. LET'S LET THE MUGU KNOW WHAT A SLIMEBALL HE IS AND HOW THOROUGHLY HE'S DESTROYED POOR RON'S LIFE.) Just look at what the paper printed last night! Now everyone in the whole damn town knows all about it, and all about me and Sue, and all about you and Freizwidatt having a deal to steal money from me. This ain't no joke, and it sure aint' funny. This is some kind of goddamn nightmare! The FBI guy told me yesterday that they had emails from you to the lawyer saying you guys were gonna "do Ron first", then scam some other people. They even said your name is Prince something or other, not even Jose. It was all on the computer they took from Freizwidatt when he got arristed. Why did you do this to me? Now you tell me to relax but I can't relax on acount of it's aint' going to be all right, because all my money's gone! And my job and my house and my wife! Everyone at work was laughing at me this morning and calling me stupid. They're all saying that everyone knows about this Nigerian scam stuff, that only someone real stupid would believe such a far out story about somebody wanting to give away millions of dollars. Even my boss said I can't be very smart if I believed such a stupid scam, he says he gets 8 or 10**of them type offers every week and that everyone knows their phony! He laughed right in my face! In front of other people! Man, I felt like I was only two inches tall. I had to leave right then and there I felt so ashamed. I just can't stay at that job now, not with everyone laughing at me, and I ain't got no house to go to neither. Mack's gonna kick me out this weekend. I ain't got a penny left to my name -- my bank says all but the $300 we had in the checking account is gone, and that now I owe them for an extra $25000 mortgage that they gave to Mr. Freizwidatt!! Mack says I'm going to have to go down to the courthouse and go bankrupt on account of I can't possibly pay my bills cause all of my money is gone! All of it! Charlene won't even answer the phone and her sister (Mack's wife) says she's gonna divorce me! I mean, she's way beyond just beingpissed, she wants to kill me. Send me my money back! You gotta do it!! The cops say they're 100% positive you and Frizwidatt took it and split it, that you had some kind of deal together. They said it's all in the emails they found. How could you do that? You said you were honest and religious! You said there was no risk! Why would you want to steal money from innocent people like me? Are you the kind of guy who would knock down old ladie's and steal their purses? Do you take candy canes from little babies? Do you pick people's pockets too? Don't you have any shame at all? YOUR JUST A DAMN THIEF! AND A LIAR! And a phony! The FBI proved it! They showed me your emails! You'd steal from anyone, wouldn't you? You're a low-life criminal scum! GIVE ME MY MONY BACK, QUICK!!!!!! Do the right thing for once in your life! Don't leave me hanging! GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY! (ATTACHMENT: ANOTHER REALISTIC NEWS CLIPPING, AS FOLLOWS:) LOCAL MAN DEFRAUDED BY FUGITIVE ATTORNEY by Harlan Sanders Courrier Exclusive It was revealed today that the local man who was reported in yesterday's edition to have been the victim of fugitive attorney Juan Freizwidatt, is Ronald W. Reynolds, living on Rural Route 2 in Edna. According to police investigators, email records seized during a raid on Freizwidatt's law offices during a recent fraud arrest show that Freizwidatt conspired with a west African native using the name Jose Randy, alias Prince Oluchi Ezenwa, to steal the life savings of Ron Reynolds, a spot welder at the Formica Furniture Factory in Edna, and his wife Charlene, employed by Wal-Mart as a stocker. Using a complicated "advance fee" scam which promised millions of (imaginary) dollars, the conspirators persuaded Reynolds to assign an irrevocable unlimited Power of Attorney to Freizwidatt, who immediately emptied the Reynold's bank accounts and took a $25,000 second mortgage against their house. The funds, which email records show were to be equally split between the thieving conspirators, ended up being used as bail money by Freizwidatt shortly before his disappearance and failure to appear for arraignment. Police and FBI investigators interviewed Reynolds and his wife yesterday. Reportedly Mrs. Reynolds became extremely upset and police were obliged to intervene in what is sometimes referred to as a "domestic dispute." Mrs. Reynolds is said to have thrown plates, pots and pans at Mr. Reynolds when she learned of the theft. Reynolds, who suffered minor injuries during the fracas, left with police investigators and his whereabouts are not currently known, though one report indicates he may be staying at the apartment of Freizwidatt's former secretary, Sue Percise, with whom he is rumored to be romantically involved. Police found several other instances of fraudulent activities in Freizwidatt's personal records, but according to FBI investigators none are as insidious as the malicious conspiracy to steal the Reynolds' life savings. FBI chief investigator Jack N.D. Bachs was quoted as saying that while Nigerian scams promising millions of dollars to gullible people are well-known (commonly called "419 scams" in police circles, after the Nigerian penal code number for this particular fraud), this case is particularly nefarious inasmuch as the African would-be thief conspired with an American lawyer to add an element of believability to an otherwise rather obvious fraud attempt. Agent Bachs stated that "Freizwidatt is one of the most fundamentally evil people I've encountered in my long career, but his African partner would appear to be his equal. I promise you that we'll see to it that they both rot in hell." Computer files have been passed to Interpol agents in Europe and Africa, who say that the African partner has been traced and he is expected to be arrested soon. March 6, 2004 (TIME TO WRAP THINGS UP. THE MUGU NEVER BOTHERED TO REPLY, NOW THAT RON'S BROKE. I HOPE HE HAD AT LEAST A FEW SLEEPLESS NIGHTS, WORRYING THAT INTERPOL REALLY HAD TRACED HIM.) Dear Jose, Well, it's been fun, hasn't it? I've been posting our emails on the Internet and your pathetic attempts to scam poor Ron Reynolds have brought a lot of laughs to a lot of people! Thanks for the entertainment, we've really enjoyed it. I'm sure you'll be very proud to know that by unanimous consensus you have been selected as a finalist in the "World's Stupidest Mugu" contest. The fact that you actually admitted to being a 419 scammer in your emails to the ?lawyer' was enough to put you into the running, but your brazen attempt to scam half the retainer money gave you the bonus points needed to be a serious contender. Congratulations! I hope that once all the votes are counted you'll be the grand prize winner. You deserve it! I trust that the fact that we've been having a lot of laughs at your expense won't interfere with the deep friendship that we've developed over the last month. (And don't worry, I haven't forgotten your share of the spotted owls that I promised to send you!) So no hard feelings, okay? Tell you what -- let me buy you lunch! My treat! Just go to downtown Lome to the local McDonald's and order up some McNuggets. When the clerk asks "Want fries with that?" you may or may not want to say yes -- that's really up to you. But if she asks if you want to "supersize" the order, I insist that you do. I have a special affection for supersize. (The counter clerk may also ask whether your order is "for here or Togo," but that ends up being almost too corny, wouldn't you agree?) Remember, it's my treat so don't let the cost worry you, order as much as you want. Just deduct the price of lunch from my share of the $16.8 million. On second thought, you can just keep all the change from the $3 million dollar bill you give her to pay for it! I really don't need all that money anyway. Charlene and I have done so well with our chain of laundries that a few extra million won't make any difference to us. I think you could probably use it to better advantage, what with four kids that you'll be putting through college in a few years! I haven't heard from Juan Freizwidatt since he skipped town. If he happens to look you up in Togo, give him my best. He's a great guy, even if he is a crook. Meanwhile, Charlene and Sue send their love (that Sue sure is one pretty lady!). Mack says that if you ever do decide to move out our way he's sure he can get you a good-paying job at Wal-Mart. They're always looking for experienced money managers. Keep up the good work, Jose, and I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that you'll soon be the Guest of Honor at the upcoming Stupid Mugu Awards! Your friend, Ron do you want that Togo? |