Date: Fri, 4 Jun 2004 10:26:36 +0200 (CEST) From: Eric Daniel To: David Snishops Subject: good day
Originating IP: 81.199.80.157
DEAR, GOOD DAY
Please permit me to introduce myself to you,to understand and comprehend clearly.
My name is Eric Daniel the son of dr.Daniel Chiea the former defence minister of president Charles Taylor of Liberia,in west Africa.
I AM 23YRS and my sister is 19rs.
we are citizen of Liberia but hide out in cotonou Benin republic,in a refugees camp as a result of war in my country which left the death of our parents on 21TH 11 2003.
As our parent left the government of Liberia annouced to froze all the properties my Dady has as governmental properties.
Befor the annoucement has made our family lawyer informed us to escape with money willied on my name twelve million us dollars(US.$12.000.000),then I escaped with the document of the deposit and hide out in Benin rep.and sumitted it to a barrister of chief security of refugees camp in Benin.
THESE FUND IS DEPOSITED IN SECURITY COMPANY (AMICABLE SECURITY COMPANY) IN COTONOU BENIN REP.
I CAN'T MOVE FREELY NOW BECAUSE OF PRESSURE,RULES AND REGULATIONS OF BENIN REP.PLEASE I NEED YOUR HELP URGENTLY FOR SAFE GUARDING/INVESTING OF THIS FUND IN YOUR COUNTRY AND ALSO FOR THE CO_OPRATIVE AND PROPER MANAGMENT OF THE BUSINESS PARTHINERSHIP WE ARE GOING TO INVEST ON.AS MY FORIEGN PARTNER/COLLABORATOR IN THIS BUSINESS PLEASE WHEN THESE MONEY GET TO your country I PROMISED TO OFFER YOU 30% OF THE GLOBAL AMOUNT FOR YOUR SERVICES/EXPENSES IN THIS BUSINESS.I HOPE THIS IS DETAILED ENOUGH TO YOUR UNDERSTANDING, FELL FREE TO ASK ANY SPECIFIC QUESTION ON THIS ISSUE.
YOU CAN VERIFY MORE AT BBC,CNN INTERNATIONAL .
THE URGENT AND CONFIDENTIAL NATURE OF THIS BUSINESS,YOU ARE ADVISED TO KEEP EVERYTHING SECRET FOR NOW.IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN DOING THIS BUSINESS WITH ME,KINDLY REPLY IMMEDIATELY ON MY E-MAIL ADDRESS.
WHEN REPLYING,INCLUDE YOUR FAX AND PRIVATE TELEPHONE NUMBERS FOR EASY COMMUNICATIONS.
THANKS FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED COPERATION
GOOD BLESS YOU,
Eric Daniel.
DAVID SNISHOPS
Date: Fri Jun 4 11:42:29 2004 From: David Snishops To: Eric Daniel Re: good day
Dear Mr. Daniel,
Your letter below has been referred to me for consideration and response.
Permit me to introduce myself: I am David Snishops, the Director of Charitable Outreach for the Church of the Holy Pineapple. In my capacity, I am authorized to disburse funds to those individuals who are truly in need, provided that they apply to join our Church, and will make a public profession of their faith in the manner in which we prescribe. Since we are actively seeking to expand our outreach ministries in Africa, we will need the help of young men like yourself to help spread our message.
I am not authorized to be involved in retrieving funds from security companies.
I am, however, authorized to provide you with aid in the amount of $25,000, if in turn you agree to use part of this money to help establish the Church of the Holy Pineapple in Africa.
In order to receive this aid, you will have to:
1. Apply for membership in our church (I can send you an application if you're interested)
2. Pose for two photographs in the manner in which we prescribe. One photograph will be of you demonstrating your acceptance of our faith. The other will be used to help solicit further aid from our members here in the United States, since we will ask you to help establish our Ministry in Africa.
If after your acceptance of these terms, we will begin processing your membership in our Faith. Additionally, I will search for someone in our congregation who can help you retrieve the funds from the security company. Please let me know what your answer is.
Please also note that I will be out of town, and will respond to you again on Monday.
best regards, David Snishops Church of the Holy Pineapple
ERIC DANIEL
Sat Jun 5 16:01:33 2004
From: ERIC DANIEL
To: David Snishops
Subject: from Eric Daniel
from [81.199.80.157]
Dear Mr.David,
Goodevening thank you very much for your words of encouragement, sir befor I think that hope's has gone but now I understood that God can still do something.when our parents were alive I was once a bible school student and immediately they left things began scattering althought is not the wish of God for suffering.
Sir,since the late of our parents we had never get ourselves normal and my yonger one here in camp she is sicking since the sickness started her no way to provid a cure for her,pls if you can try your possible best to offer a solution to retrive the money from security company I can understand you are a good christian that is reason I would like to go deeper with you,if you can do things quickly and arrangement us to come over your counrty.
Your proposing of establishing a new ministry in Africa I considered obout it and meet Rev.minister of ASSEBLY OF GOD CHURCH in COTONOU BENIN REP.He advise to send more informations about your Church Holy Pineapple: full address,phone number and fax for him to verify well,He said some secret socities are many in internet that they do initiate peoples from internet.
pls reply to this mail my friends have access to the former e_mail box. awiting for you next anwser.
Thanks, Eric Daniel.
DAVID SNISHOPS
Mon Jun 7 06:42:40 2004
Dear Mr. Daniel,
Your letter was shown to our Membership Committee. Before I pass along their decision, let me clarify a few things about the Church of the Holy Pineapple.
The Church of the Holy Pineapple is not a secret society. We are well known in our local area, but we are not well known in those areas in which we wish to establish mission fields. We want all of our members to renounce Satan and his ways, and to pledge with the help of God, to lead the lives that He wants us to.
With that in mind, we also renounce Kahless the Klingon warrior, the Grand Nagus of the Ferengi and his Rules of Acquisition, and the actions of former Wallachian king Vlad Tepes.
As for the decision of the Membership Committee: they have decided to search for another person to lead our ministries in Africa, and to take no action with respect to the funds in the security company. You must realize that the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil.
We wish you well in your search for a foreign partner.
best regards, David Snishops
ERIC DANIEL
Date: Tue Jun 8 04:33:54 2004
from [81.199.80.133] - NOTE: Different IP now!
Dear David Snishops,
It is my aim that this mail reaches you in good health and pray that the blessing of our lord Jesus christ shall be with you.
As regarding our negociation regarding expansion of your ministry here in Africa, i have contacted a pastor in one of the bible schools here who had accepted to assist to make this a reality. However, your full contacts had been forwarded to him ,in case he contacts you at any moment.
I am looking forward in hearing from you.
May the spirit of almmighty God be with you in Jesus name.
Eric Daniel
[I thought I had "lost" this bait, until this was received. I think what we have here is another lad posing as "Eric Daniel". The writing style is markedly different. Was the old Eric Daniel an inexperienced rookie? Seems that this new guy is a little sharper. Looks like a new persona from their end is going to emerge.....]
DAVID SNISHOPS
Tue Jun 8 08:02:19 2004
Dear Mr. Eric,
What is your pastor's name? I get lots of email, and if I know who he is then I'll know which email to read first.
thanks,
David Snishops
ERIC DANIEL
Fri Jun 11 03:54:49 2004
from [81.199.80.157] [Back to the original IP!]
Dear Mr.David Snishops,
I tried to reach Pastor Peter Chukwueke and delievered your messageto him, he said that, if he do anythng now exccept his studies that it would disturb him,that if he is a bit release from his studies he will contact you immediately.
He also said that is willing even to expand you ministry in all over west Afican regions. I don't know if he had already write to you b/cos we discussed about it 3 days ago, I was not chance to came out from camp,is the reason that I didn't inform you befor now.
Sir,pls don't ignore us we are surfering tomuch we are expirencing what we had never dream to know.
Thanks, Eric Daniel.
[This is obviously the first lad who was "Eric Daniel". Will lad #2 become Peter Chukwueke?]
PETER CHUKWUEKE
Tue Jun 15 22:47:33 2004
To: David Snishops
Subject: pastor Peter Chukwueke
Originating IP: [205.158.62.67]
Hello,
I am pastor Peter chukwueke,sorry for replied not in time I was too busy on my exams, I was told about you,Eric brief me concerning your disscusion with him of expanding your ministry in Africa,I am capable to do it expand your ministry in west African regions,can you tell me more?, and how you want it.
Thanks,
Remain bless Pastor Peter Chukwueke.
[This could be lad #1 for all I know.....maybe he's being supervised by lad #2. It's hard to tell. The "new" IP isn't helping the analysis part of this any.]
DAVID SNISHOPS
Wed Jun 16 12:14:22 2004
To: Pastor Peter Chukwueke
Dear Mr. Pastor,
Thank you very much for getting into contact with me.
I am responsible for funding the outreach ministries of the Church of the Holy Pineapple. The Church got its start in Hawaii, and with the pineapple industry being very large in Hawaii, we chose that name to honor where the Church was first established, even though now the headquarters are now in Battle Mountain, Nevada.
I am authorized to dispense US $25,000 (that is the amount that is available now, though we are expecting more donations to raise this amount substantially) to help establish our ministry in Africa. Therefore, we are in search of an energetic Christian who would take seriously the Great Commission of Christ.
I can only disburse these funds to:
1. A member of the Church of the Holy Pineapple, or
2. A believer who by profession of faith, declares his fellowship with the Church of the Holy Pineapple.
The process for declaring fellowship is as follows:
The believer must by public declaration, renounce Satan and all his ways.
The believer must by public declaration, renounce Kahless, the father of all Klingon warriors.
The believer must by public declaration, renounce the Grand Nagus of Ferenginar, and the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, which promote greed, corruption, graft, bribery and fraud.
The public declarations must usually be witnessed by myself or a Church Officer, however, we understand that it would be difficult for us to appear in Africa to witness this....therefore, you will have to have at least two witnesses, for Christ commanded us to rely on two witnesses. These two witnesses must declare to me, via email, that they witnessed your public declaration of fellowship with the Church of the Holy Pineapple.
Also, there must be a public demonstration of faith. The nature of that public demonstration will require that you pose with a photograph, of you seated on a chair, with a pineapple on top of your head. If we were there in person, we would not need the photograph, but you would still have to pose with the pineapple in such a manner....but since we cannot witness your demonstration, you must arrange to have this demonstration photographed as we have described.
Once we receive a message from you expressing your interest in joining in fellowship with us, we will email you the text of the declarations that you must read in public before at least two witnesses. You will read that declaration out loud, and then have your two witnesses email us a message confirming that they witnessed your public declaration. You must also send us the photograph as we have described. At that point we will then send you $25,000 so that you can help spread our ministry.
Please indicate your willingness to do this by no later than Friday, the 18th of June. If we have not heard from you at that point, we will begin the search for another pastor or minister to assist us in our goal.
with warm regards,
David Snishops
PETER CHUKWUEKE
Thu Jun 17 17:09:54 2004
Subject: Pastor,I am interested
X-Originating-IP: [205.158.62.67]
DearDavid,
Thanks,
I am interested energetic to establish your ministry in all over west African regions, what do i do and where do I start?.
Best regards, Pastor Peter Chukwueke.
DAVID SNISHOPS
Fri Jun 18 11:17:56 2004
Dear Pastor,
Thank you for indicating your interest in expanding our West African ministries. I am forwarding your information to the Reverend Alan Greenspock, who will soon contact you with the information that you will need. He is extremely busy today, but he told me that when he is done preparing for this Sunday's sermon that he will email you with the full instructions, including the full text of the Declaration of Fellowship.
I have some good news for you....now that it appears that you will undertake this assignment, our donations to the West Africa Ministry Fund have taken the amount up to $27,320. We are also concerned about your young friend Eric Daniel, and we are trying to raise some funds for him as well. It is my hope that you will look after him, and make sure that he's all right.
thanks,
David Snishops
DAVID SNISHOPS
Fri Jun 18 14:34:56 2004
From: David Snishops
To: Alan Greenspock
CC: Peter Chukwueke
Pastor Alan,
As per our telephone conversation, I am formally recommending that Pastor Peter Chukwueke be considered for Fellowship with our Church. I have given him a brief explanation of what's involved, and he is interested.
Do you think you can mention this in the announcements on Sunday? Some additional donations have come in, but I think that if you tell everyone that we're about to expand into West Africa, that we can send him a lot more than the $27,320 that I have in the fund so far.
Also, is there anyone in the congregation who can help his young friend Eric Daniel? I didn't think it was proper, given my position, to get mixed up with the security detail....
Let me know what your thoughts are on all of this, OK?
best regards,
David Snishops
ALAN GREENSPOCK
Fri, 18 Jun 2004 14:55:01 -0700 (PDT)
From: Alan Greenspock
To: David Snishops
CC: Peter Chukwueke
Subject: Re: Peter is interested
Dave,
RE Peter, is he willing to provide the photograph per our guidelines? Does he understand the responsibility? Will he read the declaration of faith?
I don't want to make the announcement until he sends the photo, and the Fellowship Committee sees it............
I'll send the lad an email later today.
remain blessed,
Alan Greenspock
[Did you catch the use of the term "lad"? For those readers that I specifically invited via email to read this, the term "lad" was of course, coined by Scamorama, and is universally used by scambaiters as something of an endearment to describe these con artists. I guess a good question is, do the lads know that we call them "lads"?]
ALAN GREENSPOCK
Fri Jun 18 15:16:26 2004
From: Alan Greenspock
To: Peter Chukwueke
CC: David Snishops
Subject: Fellowship, Church of the Holy Pineapple
Dear Pastor Peter,
My name is the Reverend Alan Greenspock. I have been exchanging email with David Snishops. I have decided to write you at this moment since you have expressed interest in joining in Fellowship with the Church of the Holy Pineapple.
What you are about to undertake is a serious responsibility. Please keep that in mind.
In order to join in Fellowship, you must do two things:
ONE.
You must read, out loud, in the presence of two witnesses, the Declaration of Fellowship in the presence of at least two witnesses. I have attached that at the end of this message. You will want to print this out, and read it. You must not roll your eyes when you read this.
TWO.
After reading out loud this Declaration of Fellowship, you must have your witnesses return to me, via email, a filled out Declaration of Witness. That is also at the end of this message.
THREE
You must pose for a photograph in the following manner. The purpose of this is to prove to us that you are worthy of Fellowship, and are equipped for the Ministry.
PHOTOGRAPH INSTRUCTIONS:
Sit down in a chair.
Place a pineapple on top of your head.
If the pineapple does not balance, you may hold the pineapple with one of your hands.
Be photographed with the pineapple on top of your head.
Email me the photograph.
Upon receipt of the Declarations of Witness, and of the photograph, these items will be reviewed by the twelve members of the Fellowship Committee. After review, they will vote on whether or not to accept your Declaration of Fellowship. A minimum of nine (9) votes is needed for approval, so please make every effort to photograph yourself as described.
No one has yet had their application denied, so please do not be the first.
Please indicate to me when you think you will have completed the process. The Fellowship Committee meets every other Tuesday, with their next meeting being on the 22nd of this month. If you do not complete this in time, they will not vote on your application until the 5th of July.
with blessed regards,
The Reverend Alan Greenspock
CHURCH OF THE HOLY PINEAPPLE
DECLARATION OF FELLOWSHIP
INSTRUCTIONS: Read this declaration, out loud, and in public, in front of at least two witnesses. Read this entire declaration and do not omit a single word. Also, do not roll your eyes when you are reading this declaration.
DECLARATION:
I, (state your full name here), wish to make a public declaration of my faith, and of my desire to enter into fellowship with the Church of the Holy Pineapple. I make this declaration of my own free will. I make this declaration without rolling my eyes.
I hereby declare that God, our Father, is the Master of the Universe.
I hereby declare that God, our Father, saves us from our sins through our Lord Jesus Christ.
I hereby renounce Satan, the Prince of Darkness, and his followers. They are evil and I will not walk in the ways of their darkness!
I hereby renounce Kahless, the father of all Klingon warriors. I will not follow in their ways, and I will not look forward to the return of Kahless!
I hereby renounce the Grand Nagus of Ferenginar, and the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition. The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition promote greed, corruption, graft, bribery and fraud. These are sins that I will not commit!
Tutti Frutti! Oh Rudy! Tutti Frutti! Oh Rudy!
I hereby convey my greetings to all my fellow believers who belong to the Church of the Holy Pineapple. I will place a pineapple on my head so that my fellow believers will know that I desire fellowship with them!
I hereby convey my greetings to all Vulcans everywhere. May they live long and prosper!
I hereby acknowledge and convey respect to the Federales in Tijuana, Mexico. I hereby state that I have no knowledge of the strange phone calls that they have received! [see the NOTE that follows this...]
I hereby acknowledge the bravery and heroism of Captain Christopher Pike. I hereby refuse to make fun of Captain Pike, and tell people that Captain Pike should have a job as a dishwasher or a vending machine! I will not make these kinds of jokes about Captain Pike!
I will not steal! I will not tell lies! I will not worship animals! I will not go to San Francisco in search of RUMP ROAST! I will not provide aid to any terrorist, Klingon, Ferengi, or Romulan!
I will not associate with the Pakledds! I will not join the Mafia! I will not join the Ku Klux Klan! I also will not cheat! I will not associate with gangsters! I will not play the card game FIZZBIN!
Tutti Frutti! Oh Rudy! Tutti Frutti! Oh Rudy!
Journey to the Stars! Rock and Roll Guitars! Baby done got some Soul!
I hereby certify that I have made this declaration of my Fellowship with the Church of the Holy Pineapple without rolling my eyes! Blessed be to all those who have heard and witnessed my declaration! May they one day join me in Fellowship!
(END OF DECLARATION)
DECLARATION OF WITNESS:
I, (state your full name here), do hereby declare that I was a witness to the Public Declaration of Faith by Pastor Peter Chukwueke. I hereby certify that I heard him make this Declaration as follows: Date of Declaration:
Location of Declaration:
City of Declaration:
I also certify that he did not roll his eyes at any time during the Declaration.
I certify that everything in this Declaration of Witness is true.
signed: (full name)
date:
Date of birth of Witness:
City of residence of Witness:
Occupation of Witness:
[ see the bait entitled "Keeping up with the Cojones", under April 2004. That was my first published bait, which I'm not sure I'll ever be able to top.....oh, and in case you were wondering, the Declaration of Fellowship was written *without* the help of Mr. Don Julio.....otherwise it might have been worse.....!]
PETER CHUKWUEKE
Date: Sun, 20 Jun 2004 00:31:34 -0500
To: Alan Greenspock
Subject: Fellowship, Church of the Holy Pineapple
Dear Alan,
The content of your mail was well uderstood,concerning of to read out loud in the presence of two witnesses,
who are the withness?,and where will I see them?.
I have made up my mind to join you.
Thanks
Pastor Peter.
ALAN GREENSPOCK
Date: Sun, 20 Jun 2004 22:03:04 -0700 (PDT)
Dear Peter,
Blessings to you!
I apologize for not writing back sooner....it is Sunday evening here as I write this, and I spend Sundays doing the Lord's work. This morning's sermon went very well.
As to your questions on the witnesses, we require any two witnesses in those instances where a Church Officer cannot travel to witness a declaration. You may choose any two witnesses that you are comfortable with. They may be your friends or your relatives. What's important is that you are declaring your Fellowship to those who may not otherwise have heard this, and in our view, this is a means of preaching the Gospel to those nations that would otherwise not hear of it.
It is important that your witnesses email me their forms which I sent you earlier, attesting that they witnessed your declaration of Faith. If the witnesses so desire, we can answer questions about our Church. It is our hope that once you launch the Ministry, that you would invite the witnesses to your sermons, so that they too, may receive the Gospel.
I will be on travel beginning Thursday, the 24th of June. My expected date of return will be the 12th of July. Feel free to email me if you have any further questions or concerns.
remain blessed,
The Reverend Alan Greenspock
Church of the Holy Pineapple
PETER CHUKWUEKE
Date: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 20:03:18 -0500
Dear Alan,
1 (You must not roll your eyes when you read this)
I agreed but I still have some questions to be clearified, you said that I should not roll my eyes when reading.
Explain to me more and where would it taking place?, is it in the congregations?.
2(You must pose for a photograph in the following manner)
Where to pose snap the picture it in the congregations?,where confession would been made?.
May God continous graunting you more favour and long life.
Amen Thanks, P.Peter.
ALAN GREENSPOCK
Date: Mon, 21 Jun 2004 22:42:31 -0700 (PDT)
Dear Peter,
In reference to your questions below.....
1. "You must not roll your eyes when you read this" is a revision that was put into our Declaration of Fellowship in early 1996, when our Church was starting out. Some persons would roll their eyes, which we interpreted as a sign of disrespect. A Declaration of this nature is something that the Declarant would treat with reverence. The Declarant would not think of this as a joke.
2. The photograph may be taken inside or outside, or in front of the congregation, or inside your house. Wearing the pineapple is an outward demonstration of your Fellowship with us....you only need wear it long enough to be photographed with it. If I were there in person to witness your Declaration, the photograph would not be needed, but with remote Declarations we ask our Declarants to provide the photograph. We would want you to be comfortable when posing. You do not need to have a lot of people see you do this, for God will see you do this. We ask for the photograph so that we will know that you actually undertook the Declaration.
You may pose for the photograph in the same location where you made your Declaration if that is your wish.
As for the Declaration itself, you may make that in front of your congregation, or you may make that with a small group of your friends. If you so desire, you may make it on a busy street corner, if there are two witnesses who will attest to me that you made the Declaration. You can also make it inside of a grocery store. At least two people must witness you do this.
I wish you a most blessed week! May you live long, and prosper, and walk in light!
The Reverend Alan Greenspock
Church of the Holy Pineapple
PETER CHUKWUEKE
Date: Fri, 25 Jun 2004 09:59:39 -0500
To: Alan Greenspock
Subject: Am serious to be a member
My dear
I sorry for been silent for few days now, I was addimitted in hospital for surffering of marrrerial,but am abit alright,I will provide the requirement befor on Tuesday.
I still have question to ask; how should I wear a pineapple on my body and snap picture?,please clearlify me.
Your sincerely,
pastoer PETER.
Take good care of yourself and your families extend my profound greeting to the elders.
[Are these lads drunk when they write these messages? Weren't my instructions simple enough? Am I going to score my trophy photo? Sheesh! Come on, Peter, get with it!]
ALAN GREENSPOCK
Date: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 16:52:04 -0700 (PDT)
Dear Peter,
I apologize for my delay in responding...I have been on travel, and will have some more traveling to do as I visit congregations in other cities.
We hope and pray that you will recover from this illness, and that God will give you the strength to go forward.
If possible, balance the pineapple on top of your head.
If the pineapple will not stay, you may hold it on top of your head with one or both hands.
The Membership Committe will meet again on Tuesday, the 6th of July, and if you can have the photograph sent to me before that date, with the Witness Declarations, then they can vote on your membership.
You do not have to send the photograph with the Declarations, but you do have to send all of these items before that date, otherwise, the Committee will not meet again until the 27th of July.
best regards, The Reverend Alan Greenspock
[I was not lying to the lad when I said I was on travel.....I was, and I was on vacation. I normally have a policy of not dealing with lads when I go on vacation, but I really felt the need to keep this one going. The others that I were working on were abruptly dropped, and they were not responded to in spite of their repeated pleas.]
PETER CHUKWUEKE
|
Date: Thu, 01 Jul 2004 06:08:10 -0500 Subject: this is the my picture Dear Reverend Alan , I couldn't make to sent the picture yesterday,I send it;the information you ask to forwad I will complete it tomorrow.this pic I hope noithing is wrong with it. I send the copy to both of you. Thanks, Peter. [YES! YES! I got my trophy photo! YES! However.....this picture was sent to "Peter" from "Leon Yindehoue", who is probably the lad who took the picture. Peter simply forwarded this to me, apparently unaware that it could easily be established that I would know who forwarded it to him. Now I've got to think about my exit strategy.....] |
ALAN GREENSPOCK
Date: Thu, 1 Jul 2004 13:04:45 -0700 (PDT)
Dear Peter,
Your photograph appears to be in perfect order. I have forwarded it to David Snishops as well as to the members of the Membership Committee. Your Declarations will be forwarded as well once they are received.
This weekend I will be out of town on a speaking engagement. I will be preaching the sermon at the congregation in Tijuana, Mexico. I do not believe that I will have computer access until Tuesday, the 6th of July. The Membership Committee will be meeting, and if your declarations are complete and correct, your Fellowship will be improved.
We look forward to extending our hand of Fellowship to you!
remain blessed,
The Reverend Alan Greenspock
[NOTE: I was still on vacation, and using a throwaway Yahoo account to handle this bait. My actual return date was the 3rd, but I wanted some relief from the lads, so I bought myself some time. I was never in Tijuana on this trip, but I felt obligated to mention that city since I sometimes feel bad about having once made the lads torment the Federales there with their strange phone calls.....you did read that bait, didn't you, dear reader? I personally think that's funnier than this one.]
PETER CHUKWUEKE
Date: Sat, 03 Jul 2004 18:52:10 -0500
To: Alan Greenspock
Subject: open the attachment,Peter Chukwueke
[ there was no text in this email, other than the quoted email traffic all the way back to Leon Yindehoue. However, I'd like to call your attention to the attachment. I didn't expect them to print out a declaration, sign it, scan it, and then send it to me. I would have settled for a simple text declaration via email. Nonetheless, this was a welcome development for two reasons: one, they went through all this effort, and two, it gave me an inspiration for my exit strategy. Look at it again.....it's filled out in one name, and signed with another! Sloppiness on their part if you ask me....which I can use against them....and I will....]
ALAN GREENSPOCK
Date: Tue, 6 Jul 2004 11:54:36 -0700 (PDT)
Dear Peter,
The Declaration of Witness has been received and forwarded to the Membership Committee. They will be meeting later today to review your application as well as the other applications that are pending.
You will be informed of their decision sometime tomorrow.
remain blessed,
The Reverend Alan Greenspock
CHINEDU GODSWILL
Date: Tue, 6 Jul 2004 05:23:07 -0700 (PDT)
From: CHINEDU GODSWILL
To: Alan Greenspock
Subject: CHINEDU WILLIAMS, RECOMMENDED BY PASTOR PETER
Dear Sir,
How are you?,and your entire family?My is Mr.CHINEDU WILLIAMS,I recommended by pastor Peter Chukwueke I and ELIJAH EKE were presently withness that pastor Peter Chukwueke made a public declaration on Fri, 4 Jul 2004.
Pastor Peter is still a young man,a bible school student,what he did surprised me on that very day I motivated,so I am interested to join you, can you give me this opportunity to be your member?. He told us that the head of the ministry is in Mexico,please so tell me more about the ministry.
Pls keep it secret for Pastor Peter as of now,I am writing to join you out of his knowledge,he is the one who gave me your e_mail address but I didn't tell him that I will ask to join you.
(withness sign by ELIJAH EKE).
PLEASE EXPECTING GOOD ANWSER FROM YOU.
REPLY TO ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
THANKS, CHINEDU WILLIAMS.
[Here we go again with a note...one of the more fascinating aspects about this hobby is its unpredictability. You really don't know which way a bait is going to go when you start one. When I was busy juggling my Captain Pike bait several months ago, there was one time when I thought it would derail, and I had to work hard to save it. Then I would deliberately mention the Klingons and tell all sorts of weird stories about Captain Kirk....and it would stay on track! This bait, well, all I set out to do was to get a trophy photo. I didn't think it would get to where it would make Scamorama. It wasn't until this new lad burst on the scene that I began to re-think my goals on this one...and to contact the kind postmaster of Scamorama to give him a heads-up....]
ALAN GREENSPOCK
Date: Tue, 6 Jul 2004 12:13:05 -0700 (PDT)
To: CHINEDU GODSWILL
Dear Mr. Chinedu,
Thank you very much for taking the time to write. My family is doing fine, and I hope that your family is in good health.
I have recently returned from Mexico, where I was attending a conference.
The Church of the Holy Pineapple was established in Hawaii in July of 1986. The pineapple industry is one of Hawaii's largest exports and thus we chose that so that we could provide outreach to the native islanders.
In 1990, the Church headquarters were moved to Battle Mountain, Nevada, in an effort to reduce our operating costs, so that we could provide more money to our ministries overseas. We expanded into Mexico in 1993, into the Philippines in 1994, into Europe in 1995, and Japan in 1996. In 1998, we declared Fellowship with the Church of the Exalted Fish, which is based in England. At present we are looking to get established in Africa.
To become a member, you must read our Declaration of Faith in the presence of either a Church Officer, or in the presence of at least two witnesses, who will certify that they heard the public reading of the Declaration of Faith.
The applicant must also pose for a photograph, in those instances where a Church Officer is not present. In this photograph, the applicant sits down in a chair, and places a pineapple on top of his head.
If the pineapple balances on top of the head without falling off, that is a sign that the Declarant has been doubly blessed, and is eligible for advancement into the senior ranks of the Ministry. In most cases, holding the pineapple on top of the head with one hand is customary since the pineapple does not always balance.
If the pineapple balances of its own accord, the Declarant is then awarded a DOUBLE portion of funding, as that such a person is truly blessed, and will need the extra funding.
At present we have US$30,680 available for a Ministry in Africa. If you apply, and can be photographed with the pineapple on top of your head without aid of either hand, (that is, the pineapple balances on your head without falling off), then the available amount will be $61,360, with the extra coming out of our General Fund. It is at this time, more convenient if you apply for membership using two witnesses, rather than having myself or another Church Officer come to Africa to witness your Declaration. I can make arrangements to travel there, but then I would have to deduct my trip expenses from the $30,680, which would reduce this amount by $6500. We would rather have all of the money go to an African Ministry, rather than to purchase trip expenses for a Church Officer. If you are still interested, please contact me, and I'll provide you the instructions and the Declaration of Faith, and the Declaration of Witness. I hope to hear from you soon! remain blessed, The Reverend Alan Greenspock
TOM FOOLERY
Date: Tue, 6 Jul 2004 17:03:26 -0700 (PDT)
From: Tom Foolery
To: Alan Greenspock
Subject: Minutes of the 6 July Membership Committee meeting
The Membership Committee of the Church of the Holy Pineapple met at 1700 hours on 6 July, 2004, to review pending applications of Fellowship and Membership. The attendance was as follows:
Tom Foolery, Chairman
Mort O'Della, Vice Chairman
Hammond Swiss, Recording Secretary
Arnold Ziffel, Member
B.T. Overdrive, Member
Thomas Crapper, Member
Phillip McGlass, Member
Rummond Coke, Member
Jim Beam, Member
George Thorogood, Member
Kam Fong as Chin Ho, Member
Joseph Barnyard, Member
Also, the following persons attended the meeting, not as Members, but as observers or to provide support:
The Reverend Alan Greenspock
The Reverend David Schniff
Jack Daniels
Johnny Walker
Janice Rand
The order of business was as follows:
1. The Reverend Alan Greenspock opened with a devotion, warning against the corrupting ways that are practiced by the Grand Nagus of Ferenginar.
2. The minutes of the 22 June meeting were approved.
3. The Membership application of William Wilson of Battle Mountain Nevada was approved.
4. The Membership application of Charlie Evans was withdrawn. Janice Rand stated that Charlie is now living on Thasus, and is not available for Fellowship.
5. The Membership application of Scott Peterson of Modesto California has been suspended, pending outcome of his trial.
6. The Membership application of Lionel Drinkwater of Drinkwater Island was approved. The submitted photograph and Declarations of Witness were in order. David Snishops will be funding his Ministry to $53,909.32.
7. The Membership application of Harley Davidson has been approved.
8. The Membership application of Peter Chukwueke of Nigeria was denied. Although the submitted photograph was in perfect order, there was only one Declaration of Witness provided in the name of Chinedu William, it was signed by Elijah Eke. It was noted by Chairman Foolery that with overseas applicants, two separate Declarations of Witness are required, and that one witness can not sign for another. Chairman Foolery stated that Mr. Chukwueke may re-submit his application, with guidance from Reverend Greenspock.
9. The Reverend David Schniff led the closing devotion, encouraging the Committee Members to lead devout lives, and to not make jokes about Captain Pike.
respectfully submitted,
Hammond Swiss
Recording Secretary
[The Reverend Greenspock forwarded these minutes in their entirety to Peter Chukwueke, as noted directly below...]
ALAN GREENSPOCK
Date: Wed, 7 Jul 2004 11:16:44 -0700 (PDT)
To: Peter Chukwueke
Subject: Fwd: Minutes of the 6 July Membership Committee meeting
Dear Peter,
There was a problem with the Declaration of Witness that you provided.
I will be discussing this on the telephone with Mr. Foolery later on this afternoon. You can re-submit your application, but I will need to get clarification from Mr. Foolery before I can proceed.
I will write you again later today with the further instructions.
Remain blessed,
The Reverend Alan Greenspock
Note: forwarded message attached.
ALAN GREENSPOCK
Date: Wed, 7 Jul 2004 12:27:07 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: instructions
Dear Peter,
I have spoken with Tom Foolery, the Chairman of our Fellowship Committee.
Here is what you have to do in order to re-submit your application:
Please have your two witnesses re-send to me, two separate Declarations. If they are not able to do so, then have them pose for a photograph in the following manner:
1. Both of your witnesses must be in the photograph
2. Both of your witnesses must be seated in chairs.
3. Both of your witnesses must have pineapples on top of their heads. They may balance the pineapple on their heads, or they may use one hand to hold the pineapple.
If your witnesses are not willing to be photographed, then they must re-submit their Declarations to me, which I will in turn, forward to Mr. Foolery and the other members of the Committee.
There is no need for you to submit another photograph, but there was something I forgot to pass along to you with regards to the pineapple and the photograph.
If the pineapple balances on top of your head of its own accord, that is, you are not holding the pineapple, that is interpreted as a sign that you are specially blessed and would then be entitled to DOUBLE the amount of funding. This rule change went into effect one month ago, and this should have been passed along to you. I thought that Mr. Snishops might have, but he's not a member of the Rules Committee, and I myself am to blame for not following up on this. Please accept my apology.
If you wish to pose again for another photograph, without using your hand to hold the pineapple, you may do so. You will need to do that for double funding.
Otherwise, you will be funded in the amount of $32,419.09....we've had some more contributions to our Africa Fund come in. Mr. Snishops updates this figure as more of our congregation donates.
remain blessed,
The Reverend Alan Greenspock
[Now I'm the one who's starting to get greedy. Can I possibly score another trophy photo?]
CHINEDU GODSWILL
Date: Mon, 12 Jul 2004 18:45:30 -0700 (PDT)
From: CHINEDU GODSWILL
Dear Alan Greenspock,
How are you!Im not chance to reply your mail but now I decided to give you some link.I am not interested any longer because the princeples uphold...............I don't know that is what pastor Peter involve into he convice two of us made his stupid declaration.
please don't attempt to write to me again,go to hell with your money and go ahead with him, I will shown him anytime he disturb me concerning your fulking ministry.
take time.
[it was inevitable, my first insult from a lad...using boldface and italics to make his point. Who was he? Lad #1? It was at this point that I figured that I had overplayed my hand, and that this was over. But as I commented earlier, these baits sometimes take twists and turns that you can't predict...our story continues...]
PETER CHUKWUEKE
Date: Sun, 18 Jul 2004 07:45:30 -0500
Subject: TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
Dear Mr.Reverend Alan Greenspock,
Thanks for you remained, sorry for not inform's befor my travelled out city! it was an emergence I left out of city,
my dady died on 5th Jul 2004 and immediately the bad new past to me I no options reather to go.
Mr.I will like express my feelings befor ahead to my point. Im a man of my authority and self control I mad a proper decision befor agreed to join you I quiet knew that I will stand end with my words but to my greatest surprised that someone whom I knew long he take me to convice befor he can be able eccept to be a member of this new ministery b/cos I gave him your contact you can be able to further talk to him with out my knowledge.
my name in this city had brocast as a secrect society pastor! never mind.
As this man has counted himself out, what do I have to do now?,in other to be a member.
I personal realy want to a full member of your ministery in Africa no matter the cost.so go ahead tell the necessary requirment not tomorrow you forget another thing,let me tell you onething is that the money you promise is triping me but I want to be the head of this inAfrica by name b/cos many of my friends boast for such top other authoritys.
TOP SECRECT BETWEEN YOU AND I.
PLS MR. REVEREND ALAN l GREENSPOCK OPEN UP TO ME WHAT IS THAT I WILL DO NOW IN OTHER TO BE YOUR FULL MEMBER ,AND WHEN I DO IT,SO THERE WILL BE NO REQUIRMENT AGAIN. CONTACT OTHER MEMBERS OF COMMITTE'S both YOU (Mr.Reverend Alan Greenspock, Mr.Tom Foolery, Mr.Snishops).
Thanks.
PETER.
[Now what? Is this Lad#1, thinking that maybe there really is money coming his way if he joins the church? Did Lad#2 tell him to bring this back online? At this point, they've invested well over a month into this, and maybe they're thinking they should stay in it? I just might get that second trophy photo....]
ALAN GREENSPOCK
Date: Mon, 19 Jul 2004 12:25:00 -0700 (PDT)
To: Peter Chukwueke
Dear Peter,
Please accept my condolences re the loss of your father. We pray that he is in the kingdom of heaven.
We did not hear from you, so the appropriated funds were sent to start a ministry in Guatemala. We figured that you were no longer interested.
Now that you are interested, I will authorize David Snishops to begin the process of raising funds for your Ministry. We have many generous members in the congregation, so I do not think that there will be any problems.
I will call Mr. Tom Foolery later this afternoon for instructions, and then email you with his findings.
In the meantime, do not worry about your witness friend. He sent me a separate email asking that he not be considered as a witness.
Please remember that The Church of the Holy Pineapple is NOT a SECRET SOCIETY. We are unknown in many parts of the world, but that does not mean that we are SECRET. We are interested in preaching the Gospel to all corners of the world, which in NOT a SECRET activity.
I will forward you any email that Mr. Foolery sends me.
remain blessed, and remain firm.....
The Reverend Alan Greenspock
Church of the Holy Pineapple
TOM FOOLERY
Date: Mon, 19 Jul 2004 13:19:00 -0700 (PDT) To: Alan Greenspock CC: David Snishops Subject: Peter Chukwueke's application
Dear Reverend Greenspock,
This is in response to your phone call. After consulting with other Committee Members, our findings are as follows:
Peter Chukwueke's photograph was in order. The Declarations of Witness were not. Until the Rules Committee dictates otherwise, overseas applicants must provide two separate Declarations of Witness.
Lately, the Rules Committee has been concerned about fraudulent applications. The Rules Committee will soon be publishing new guidelines for overseas applicants.
In light of these anticipated changes, which may be going into effect immediately, it is STRONGLY RECOMMENDED that you have Peter Chukwueke do the following:
Have Peter pose again in a chair, with a pineapple on top of his head. His two witnesses must also appear in the photograph, also seated in chairs. His two witnesses must also have pineapples on top of their heads.
Peter must be seated between these two witnesses. One witness must be seated on Peter's left, and the other witness must be seated on Peter's right.
All persons in the photgraph may balance the pineapple on their heads. If they do, that is an extra blessing. Peter would then be eligible for a double funding for his Ministry, and the two witnesses each will receive $500 if the pineapple balances on their head without using their hands to hold the pineapples.
If all persons in the photograph do not balance the pineapple, then they may hold the pineapple on their head, but then all of them must use their right hand to hold the pineapple.
Please pass these instructions along to Peter, and do not leave out a single word. I expect that the Rules Committee will make these changes official sometime this week.
By the way, if Peter does provide the new photograph, I will call the Committee into special session to approve his application, so that he will not have to wait until next month...but that is only if he provides the new photograph.
remain blessed,
Tom Foolery
PS: I forgot to tell you that your sermon yesterday was excellent! Unfortunately there are too many people who follow in the ways of the Grand Nagus of Ferenginar. Does the Grand Nagus operate in Africa? Are there any Ferengi in Africa? Can you ask Peter about that?
[shortly after this was received by the Reverend Greenspock, it was dutifully forwarded on to Peter Chukwueke, with a note]
ALAN GREENSPOCK
Date: Mon, 19 Jul 2004 14:34:13 -0700 (PDT)
Dear Peter,
I am forwarding an email from Mr. Tom Foolery......you may wish to consider his suggestion of having your witnesses appear in the photograph with you. The rule change is not yet official, but the rumor I hear is that they're voting on this within the next couple of days.
It doesn't matter who you use as witnesses, though I would avoid the first two that you used.....you need people you can trust.
thanks,
Reverend Greenspock
Note: forwarded message attached.
PETER CHUKWUEKE
Date: Thu, 22 Jul 2004 13:51:15 -0500
Dear Reverend Alan Greenspock,
Thanks for the condolence and i also pray that he gets paradise.I did not appreciate you mentioning (WE THOUGHT YOU WHERE NOT INTERESTED ANYMORE)i have went to an extent of sending you my photo and you say i am not interested.I lost my dad,which is quite clear,but again,i can not recieve the proposed funds,without making arrangements for a place of warship and to gain more converts.I was doing my rightful duties,as my oath could rightly stipulate.
As per your last mail,you mentioned something of authorising David Snishop(Mr) to go ahead with fundings,most of my people who are willing to join us,are on the waiting to see the out come of this ministry.So by been delaying the project,it will create a room of doubt within my people over the reality of my words.So as i was on the waiting,i still could not know,the latest from you,and i am still holding on to get your reply.
About the pictures,i will by next tomorrow(24-07-04) send them to you and the witnesses.What came out with the call to Mr Tom Foolery as was mentioned.Even if the mission is not popular,we in Africa,will do all within our power to give it a fame,as i am too certain,we are no cult or secrete thing.it is God the Almighty we warship.it is acceptable internationally.
I wait your reply,as i give my uncounted blessing to you all and the mission in particular.
Yours sincerely,
Peter
ALAN GREENSPOCK
Date: Fri, 23 Jul 2004 12:15:41 -0700 (PDT)
Dear Mr. Peter,
Thank you for your letter. We have placed both you and your family in our prayer chain, as part of expressing our condolences with your recent loss. I apologize for the misunderstanding and for believing that you were no longer interested. The Fellowship Committee declined to accept your application, and when I informed you of their results we did not hear from you. We had no way of knowing what was happening.
It may also interest you to know that one of your witnesses, Chinedu Williams, wrote me a letter, and he told me to go hell. He wanted to have the money for the Ministry, but he was unwilling to go through the process of applying for the Ministry. He did not want me to tell you about any of this, but since he told me to go to hell, it does not matter if you know about this.
The Rules Committee is meeting this afternoon, and they are expected to approve the Rules Changes, which will require your two witnesses to appear in the same photograph with you, with all you having pineapples on top of your heads. I hope that the new photograph that you are providing will comply with these new instructions.
Mr. Snishops has informed me that the African Ministry Fund now has $39,419 in it. I hope that this will be enough to establish your new congregation. We are very excited about this, and I am thinking of coming over to Africa to meet you after you get your Church started. This will help out greatly in raising donations, and we should be able to place you on a monthly salary of $2500 once you are preaching the Gospel.
Peter, we have every bit of confidence in you and your ability to lead this Ministry, which will be bolstered once we have seen the new photograph.
We thank you for your enthusiasm.
remain blessed,
The Reverend Alan Greenspock
PETER CHUKWUEKE
Date: Sun, 25 Jul 2004 19:38:13 -0500
Mr Reverend Alan Greenspock, "The Fellowship Committee declined to accept your application", can you make this clear to me? is it based upon the last meeting,after we lost contact? or what.
After the change of rules,i would like you to send me by DHL those new rules and some detail booklets of our mission.I need to meet with the committee to have more discussion,on ways and means to promote the mission here.So i suggest a rendevour for this,has to be arranged,where by either you come or i travel there.
My side here we are determined and its up to your co-operation,to promote the mission in Africa.
I have negotiated with an esate agency,to arrange a piece of land,where the contruction will be done of the mission,and have negotiated for leasing a house where priliminary warship will begin.So i am only waiting you now to respond on this part of the project.
Please accept this as a true and certified message from me.
God bless us all
Peter Chukwueke
C/O DHL Office
Cototnou,Benin
West Africa
Tel:00229-285382(for the couriering office to contact me)
[I think what we have here is Lad #2 taking control of the operation from their end. The above was written in boldface and in very large type font. I had to think for a day or so about how I was going to respond to this. I could have agreed to send them the info, but then fail to do so. I could have wrote back to say that Peter was disqualified from the Ministry, since he failed to keep his promise about getting the picture. Perhaps I've "jumped the shark" on this one, and it's time to bail.
After sleeping on it, I came up with a response that I don't think that they could have expected. They may not believe it, for all I know. But if I'm going to lose this at this point in time, I may as well see if I can mess with their minds on my way out....]
TOM FOOLERY
Date: Mon, 26 Jul 2004 09:19:51 -0700 (PDT)
From: Tom Foolery
To: Peter Chukwueke
Subject: Reverend Greenspock
Dear Peter,
I am very sorry to inform you that Reverend Alan Greenspock was killed in a ghastly automobile accident on Saturday afternoon. He was on his way back from a hospital visitation when this accident occurred.
Due to the loss of our senior pastor, all applications for Fellowship are now on hold, until a new senior pastor is called.
We expect this process to take approximately 30 days.
Please keep the family of Reverend Greenspock in your prayers, as well as our Church.
Although the Reverend Greenspock has gone home to the Lord, we are devastated at this turn of events.
These are not easy times for us, so we hope that you will understand.
remain blessed,
Tom Foolery
Chairman, Fellowship Committee
We (Scamoramans) were sure this was the end - but no!
PETER CHUKWUEKE
Date: Tue, 27 Jul 2004 16:35:23 -0500
Subject: I am depressed at this moment.
Dear brother Tom Foolery,
I can`t believe my eyes to read such a socking news.The world is full of suprises.I am depressed at this moment.
Why has that blow be given to us & our mission,just at time we need him most.I hope and trust that God will reward him abondantly over there,as i amconfident he deserves that reward.
We here will keep him in prays and his family.Extend my profound grief and sympathy to his family and all those who in diverse ways has contribute to morn his death.
About our project,we here look up to your co-operation,as we are now and will always be ready to work with you.
Let us know the burial date,so we will observe that day here.
Best wishes
Peter.
[OK, I guess this one is still on....whether or not I want it to be]
TOM FOOLERY
Date: Wed, 28 Jul 2004 15:58:50 -0700 (PDT)
Dear Mr. Peter,
Thank you for keeping the Greenspock family in your prayers. I will tell them that you are praying for them, and I'm sure that they will take comfort in the fact that in his last days, he was establishing mission fields in Africa, Brazil, and Guatemala.
His burial will take place at sunset on Saturday.
We do not know why this happened. Perhaps the Lord wanted him to come home at this time. We are confident that the work he tried so hard to do will go on, with a renewed spirit. You must remember that Reverend Greenspock is now in heaven, and that he is happier there than he was here.
We do not know when work on overseas projects will resume. A new senior pastor must be called, and must be formally installed. We are in the process of selecting a pool of 25 pastors, to come here to Battle Mountain for the process. It may take a full week before the last of them arrive. The voting members of the entire congregation must review their qualifications, and then the selection ceremony will commence. No date for that has been established.
Assistant pastor David Schniff has currently assumed responsibility of the Reverend Greenspock's tasks, and will serve as an interim pastor until our selection is final.
Again, we thank you for your prayers and support.
remain blessed,
Tom Foolery
PETER CHUKWUEKE
Date: Tue, 03 Aug 2004 19:53:00 -0500
Dear Tom Foolery,
YOU CAN READ ALL THOSE IN HIGHLIGHTED BLACK,AS FROM ME
Thank you for keeping the Greenspock family in your prayers. I will tell them that you are praying for them, and I'm sure that they will take comfort in the fact that in his last days, he was establishing mission fields in Africa, Brazil, and Guatemala.
The Greenspock family are always in our regular all night prayers up till now,as we do observe his death.It is not necessary that you tell them,but its our duty,as our mission brother.I hope we can realize his duties,and to replace a person,who can together with us.
His burial will take place at sunset on Saturday.
Can you send us video record of the funeral,as our members are interested to see the funeral.
We do not know why this happened. Perhaps the Lord wanted him to come home at this time.
Nobody can challenge God,thats all i can say.Death is a necessary end,and we should thank God for everything he does.God does not make mistakes.
We are confident that the work he tried so hard to do will go on, with a renewed spirit.
That is our greatest expectation,and it is our belief that,with a combination of trust worthy people and God fearing people in our mist,we are sure to succeed in this project.
You must remember that Reverend Greenspock is now in heaven, and that he is happier there than he was here
We know that for sure,that was the reason for been a servant of God on earth and now getting his salary.Nothing will disturb his confort,he his swimming in a pool of joy and leizure.
We do not know when work on overseas projects will resume
As we are looking up for the promotioon of our mission in Africa,it is relevant that,this issues be solved quickly,or else will delay our project here too.
We are in the process of selecting a pool of 25 pastors, to come here to Battle Mountain for the process.
What are the requirements involved to be qualified for this 25 pastors
It may take a full week before the last of them arrive. The voting members of the entire congregation must review their qualifications, and then the selection ceremony will commence. No date for that has been established.
Have they arrived now? Do not forget to inform us when the selection will take place ok!
Assistant pastor David Schniff has currently assumed responsibility of the Reverend Greenspock's tasks, and will serve as an interim pastor until our selection is final
If i could refer you on the above details,i did mentioned that God will get us a very competent replacer,as it has now happened.We are pleased that,the late mans job did not lay down without no attention been given to it.With the assumption of duties by Pastor David Schniff,we are sure that the proposal which was on the late man`s desk for us in Africa,will be given prompt attention.
We have arranged to make a thanks given and memorial service for such an important personality in our mission,and have extended invitations to other churches here.We are asking you to send us contribution for the good success of this occation,we will send you a video record of the event.We will also like to get his funeral video for us to see.We are inviting a population of 200 people,but has not yet completely catered for them all,so we need to consult the head office to fund this occation.this is the first program for us to organize in African for our mission,so we would like it to be a never to be forgotten one.
I will give you a break down of our menu in my next mail.
I pray for God`s guardiance and properity for us all and the mission in particular.L pray that we gain more converts.
God Bless
Peter
[Time for another note to our readers .. In the event that any of you are thinking about taking up scambaiting, I want you to dwell on this one thing..NEVER give them everything they ask for! Some lads will want scans of your passport, driver license, employee I..if I have to tell you that you should never give them real scans of anything that would reveal your identity, then you haven't got the smarts for this, and I'd probably also have to tell you that rattlesnakes don't like it when you grab them by their tails and start swinging them around your head.
The same also goes for miscellaneous requests such as videotapes. I owe this guy NOTHING!]
TOM FOOLERY
Date: Thu, 5 Aug 2004 10:05:12 -0700 (PDT)
Dear Peter,
In reference to your statements below:
We are not able to provide you a video record of the funeral as that no video cameras were present. Whereas some churches spend millions of dollars on video recording equipment and production facilities, our church does not have the budget for these items as that we prefer that funding be prioritized towards spreading the Gospel.
All expansion projects are on hold until a new senior pastor has been selected. Pastor David Schniff is NOT AUTHORIZED to proceed as that he is serving in an interim capacity. If in the event he is selected, he will need to undergo the installation ceremony before he can proceed.
All of the 25 pastors must come to our headquarters here in Battle Mountian, Nevada. The nearest major airport is in Reno, which is a several hour drive from here, and getting to Reno often requires connections in other cities such as Denver.
Not all of the 25 have arrived yet. There is much preparation for the 25, as that all of them are interviewed by my Committee, and each interview may take several hours. The pastors must also demonstrate their faith by walking through Battle Mountain in a procession wearing pineapples on their heads. Many of the people watching the procession will also be wearing pineapples on top of their heads. They must preach against the Grand Nagus of Ferenginar, they must respect the Federales and Captain Pike, but more importantly, they must acknowledge God as the Master of the Universe.
This procession is scheduled to take place on Saturday the 14 of August. It is expected to last for six hours. This procession will not be filmed, however, you are welcome to come to Battle Mountain to witness this for yourself if that is what you desire.
I may not be very quick in response to your emails, as that we are very busy here. We ask for your patience and understanding in this matter.
remain blessed,
Tom Foolery
PETER CHUKWUEKE
Date: Fri, 06 Aug 2004 19:16:15 -0500
Dear Tom Foolery,
Please take message in blue as from me in response to yours below.
[we're as blue as we wanna be - following snipped]
Dear Peter,
In reference to your statements below:
We are not able to provide you a video record of the funeral...
I quite agree with you. It is better you spend such funds to the spreading of the gospel, rather than putting it for social matter, where no profit will be gained. No problem with the Video tape issue.
All expansion projects are on hold until a new senior pastor has been selected.
We are praying to get a very good replacement, for the progress of this very important mission.
All of the 25 pastors must come to our headquarters here in Battle Mountain, Nevada.
Are these pastors, all from the US ? we are far and time very small now, but we can visit you ,if you give us the co-operation for entry permits to be obtained in your embassy. We are interested to be on the procession too. Thanks for the direction you mention, that is how to reach you.
Not all of the 25 have arrived yet. There is much preparation for the 25, as that all of them are interviewed by my Committee, and each interview may take several hours. The pastors must also demonstrate their faith by walking through Battle Mountain in a procession wearing pineapples on their heads. (etc.)
It will be good for us to be there or send our representation there. We are doing exactly what the mission requires for the good work of God From day one,we highly trust in God,as the personal saviour and the giver of everything.We will always respect and honour Cpt Pike and denounce Grand Nagus.
This procession is scheduled to take place on Saturday the 14 of August.
It will be a great thing, to have a representation from Africa on the procession occasion. Can you take care of the trip ?
I may not be very quick in response to your emails, as that we are very busy here. We ask for your patience and understanding in this matter.
At your convenient time, we wait you to reply us.
We did ask you in our past mail, about our Thanks giving and memorial ceremonial. You never commented on that. We are asking you to send a contribution for the ceremony we have arranged to do. We are just a very small group, trying to grow-up our mission, and we depend on the parent body for support, which is you. Kindly respond on this.
God richly bless us all and the mission especially.
Yours,
Peter
[It is about time someone started showing respect for Captain Pike....now if only Paramount would start marketing Captain Pike Action Figures....they'd make for some really nice paperweights!
As for this lad, my reply to him will not be immediate. I am going on a business trip, and I will pick this up again when I return later this week.]
TOM FOOLERY
Date: Wed, 11 Aug 2004 17:37:39 -0700 (PDT)
Dear Mr. Peter,
Things have been very busy at this end as I help to get the preparations for the procession underway. We will have representation from Mexico, the Philippines, Drinkwater Island, as well as from our brethren in England, the Church of the Exalted Fish, with whom we are in fellowship.
The procession will take place on Saturday. Immediately after the procession, all of the 25 pastors will then balance pineapples on tops of their heads. After a period of time, the pineapples will start falling off, which is a sign that they are not ready for election to the senior pastor. The last pastor remaining who has a pineapple on top of his head will be our new pastor, after which there will be two weeks of preparation for the installation ceremony.
Re your request for contributions: our policy is not to make contributions toward those who are not in fellowship with us, and at this point in time your congregation is not in fellowship.
That can be easily corrected once the new senior pastor is installed. For an entire congregation to desire fellowship with us, you would need to send us a group photograph of your church members, with all of them holding pineapples on tops of their heads.
If that is not possible, then I would suggest that you gather your deacons or elders, and have them pose in this manner, in a group photograph. That will expedite any application of fellowship that is pending before the committee. We currently have congregations in Brazil and Guatemala that are trying to establish fellowship, and none of those as of yet have submitted group photographs in that manner. We have about $75,000 available, and we will give $50,000 to the first congregation that submits the group photograph. That will leave $12500 apiece for the other two congregations, so it really is in your interest to give this matter your most serious and urgent consideration. The Rules Committee will resume processing fellowship applications once the new pastor is selected, however, we will give priority to the congregation that is first in demonstrating that they can meet our requirements.
RE your travel to Battle Mountain: I am sure that our embassy in Cotonou will be most happy to assist you with the visas. They can better answer your questions in that regard than I can. There probably is not enough time to arrange for your presence at the procession, but they may be able to help you with getting your visas processed in time for you to come here to witness our installation ceremony. You should allow four days of travel to Battle Mountain, as that we are in a remote part of the state of Nevada.
I apologize for my lack of timeliness in responding to email, but as you can understand, we have some very serious church matters before us, and once these are resolved, I am confident that our new senior pastor will be able to assist you further.
remain blessed,
Tom Foolery
PETER CHUKWUEKE
Date: Mon, 16 Aug 2004 18:52:56 -0500
From: Peter Chukwueke
To: Tom Foolery
Subject: Re: I am depressed at this moment.
Tom Foolery,
Read those in blue,as my message.
[sorry, no blue for you, nice idea though but it doesn't jibe with the current color scheme]
Things have been very busy at this end ...
We are hoping for the best of all ceremonies.
The procession will take place on Saturday. Immediately after the procession, all of the 25 pastors will then balance pineapples on tops of their heads...
Fine and wish good luck to the pastor who wins.
Re your request for contributions: our policy is not to make contributions toward those who are not in fellowship with us...
Need to know the difference between us and those in Gautamela,who already where given a contribution for the erection of the ministry.Is it, becuase we are black from Africa?
...you would need to send us a group photograph of your church members, with all of them holding pineapples on tops of their heads.
That will be done with your kind support,people can`t leave their offices,to stay all day long,whaiting for jean.
If that is not possible, then I would suggest that you gather your deacons or elders, and have them pose in this manner, in a group photograph...
I think you told me,you have given a contribution to people in Brazil and othere areas,now you begin to give me excuses.We are on the same business.
RE your travel to Battle Mountain: I am sure that our embassy in Cotonou will be most happy to assist you with the visas...
There is no need to come
I am confident that our new senior pastor will be able to assist you further.
We are all looking up to this.
[OK, so he's playing the race card. He's already made these demands about sending him the "rules" via overnight courier, and he's asked for videos and money. I'm at the point to where I could lose this and not care, as that I'm not sure that I will score a second trophy photo.
With that in mind, I'm going to employ one of the scambaiting suggestions that I read about on Scamorama. I'm going to pretend to be offended. I figure that he's got some level of contempt for me, which of course, he's still going to have after he reads the following. If he backpedals, then I see this continuing for at least a few more weeks. If he doesn't, then this will soon be wrapped up, without a new senior pastor coming into this little drama.]
TOM FOOLERY
Date: Tue, 17 Aug 2004 10:33:27 -0700 (PDT)
Mr. Peter,
The congregations in Brazil and Guatemala have not received any funding since they are also not in fellowship with us, and never have I told you that they have received funding. I have simply told you that they have APPLIED for funding. Just like you, they are also on hold until our new pastor is installed on the 29th of August.
I do not appreciate you leveling charges of racism against me, or against the Church of the Holy Pineapple. Your accusation is baseless and I am deeply insulted by it.
I hereby demand that you apologize for the statement that you made.
regards,
Tom Foolery
more to come?