July 24th

Yo Dickson, I'm interested. Tell me more. Who gets 60 ? Who gets 40 ?

Gimme the right answer to these and you gotta deal.

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

July 28th

Yo Dickson, sorry, that's the wrong answer. I want 60%. I think that's only fair seeing as I'm the one taking all the risk here.

This is very important to me.

I am totally trustworthy and honest, as you will soon find out if you go into business with me. So, being as trustworthy and honest as I am, I think it is my duty to openly declare my requirement for 60% of the fund, at the outset, to avoid any complications later on. Naturally I will be willing to contribute 60% of any reasonable expenses.

Please get back to me urgently.

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

July 30th

Yo Dickson, that's great, sounds like we got a deal ! 60% for me, 40% for you, and expenses split in the same proportion. Cool !Let's work together in co-operation to ensure 100% mutual success in this transaction ! I am greatly looking forward to working with you.

What do ya need pal ?

By the way, I may be visiting England later this year to visit a relative. Would it be useful for you and I to meet up ?

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

July 31st

Yo Dickson

All of a sudden I'm worried.

Real worried.

I'm not worried about these expenses, I understand these things cost moneyand I have some funds put aside which I can use for this.

No my friend, what I am worried about is YOU !.

You seem to be un-able to calculate simple mathematical sums.

Your addition is correct, those items do indeed sum to £4,020.

But your allocation of my share is woefully incorrect.

60% of £4,020 is NOT £3,200.

Not only that, but you are pestering me for information you already have !!!

You know my name, I sign all my messages to you with my full name !

How can you ask that of me ?

As our relationship is still young, and I still hope to bring this transaction to a 100% successful conclusion, I am willing to overlook these blunders for now.

But hear me, DO NOT repeat them, otherwise the deal is off !

NEVER miscalculate numbers again.

NEVER ask me for information that I have already given you.

When you have correctly calculated 60% of £4,020, get back to me, OK ?

In the meantime, here are the other details you asked for.

Home address - xxxx Pacific Heights Boulevard, Seattle, USA (I have a small office here)

Phone number - I no longer use a phone, I have been deaf since having a stroke 6 years ago.

International passport / drivers licences - what do you mean by this ? How can I send these to you by e-mail ? Rest assured I possess both of them.

When it comes to visiting England, the timing will be driven by my sister's 90th birthday celebrations later this year. I don't know the exact date of the celebrations yet, but when I do I'll let you know.

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

July 31st

OK fine, you got the calculation right this time. Well done. What's next partner ?

I may be visiting England in August or September, would that be a good time for us to meet up?

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

July 31st

OK sounds good. Whereabouts in the UK are you ? Are you in London ? My sister lives in Nottingham - is that near London ? Are there any good hotels there ? Can you arrange a limo as well ? Maybe theatre tickets ?

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

August 1st

Yo Dickson. Wow. Nottingham is 3,000 miles from London ? I had no idea England was so big !!! Just Wow !!!!! I may need to re-think my plans. Say if I made my way to Nottingham for my sister's birthday celebration, how would you and I meet up ? Would we meet in London ? Would we meet in Nottingham ? Could we meet somewhere in between ? Please clarify.

I don't have a problem paying for limos etc but can you do the bookings please ? I can pay you for them, plus a commission on top of the basic price to cover your time, say 5% ?

I have to say I don't know what you are talking about when you say "threat re ticket". I don't want to make any threats to anyone about tickets. What do you mean by this ?

With regard to the rest of the transaction, I'm not sure what you mean. I sure hope we're making progress, but what exactly do you mean ? I mean, I've never done this kind of transaction before so I don't know what we need to do. I need to be guided by you along each step of the way through this modality. Tell me please, what do we need to do next ?

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

August 1st

Yo Dickson, what on earth are you talking about ? Do you mean you were joking about something ? About what exactly ? This is no time for frivolity my man ! If that's the way you do things over there in England, I am absolutely staggered ! STAGGERED, do you hear me ? What exactly were you joking about ? I need to know IMMEDIATELY ! Were you joking about the funds or what ???

How are we gonna put the money together ? I have absolutely no idea ! You tell me !!! Like I said, you need to guide me on this. I have got my funds all ready. Is your money ready ?

Tell me what you were joking about, and explain the joke to me, because I just don't get it.

ALSO, if £25M was deposited back in 2002, what's the balance now ? There must have been a lot of interest accrued.

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

August 1st

Yo Dickson, I'm sorry but I can't put that aside !!! What on earth did you mean by that ? What was the joke ? Why did you think it was appropriate to be joking in the middle of this transaction ??? What kind of game are you playing here ??????

Not only that, but I looked up on Google the distance from London to Nottingham and it says it is only 127 miles !!! Not the 3,000 miles that you told me ! So is Google wrong my friend ?

I have the money ready here, rest assured, but you have some serious explaining to do my friend.

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

August 2nd

Yo Dickson, of course I want to proceed with the transaction, the money is here, ready to go for the fees.

But I'm really worried about you ! Are you ill ? Are you insane ? And you still haven't answered my question about Google.

I simply can't deal with lunatics or crazy people. I've tried it before and it just didn't work.

Can you get your doctor to confirm to me that you are healthy and sane please ?

We also need to establish some ground rules about how to do business, which I would have thought were obvious to a man in your position, but I seem to have been mistaken.

Number 1 - if we ask each other questions, they have to be answered in full. Do you understand ?

I think I've answered every question you've asked me.

I've asked you many questions which you have ignored.

So, from now on, if there are questions that haven't been answered, the business will be held up until they are answered properly.

Understand ?

Get back to me urgently.

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

August 2nd

Yo Dickson. Wow. Just WOW !!!! You Brits really do have a weird way of doing business don't you?

Let's recap. Did I ever call you crazy or a lunatic ? Of course not. I only said I couldn't work with crazy people or lunatics. It's a simple statement of fact, I won't do it. I did ask if you were ill or insane, because YOU YOURSELF said you were so stressed at work you were seeking medical help ! Remember ? That was YOU said that, not me.

I'm going to have to be firm about this. I want a doctor's statement confirming that you are healthy enough to carry out this transaction. If you're not, I can't work with you, and if you're so stressed I don't want our business relationship to drive you to a nervous breakdown.

Remember, you and I have never met, so I still don't really know if I can trust you, and to be honest, you're probably not 100% sure if you can trust me. So we HAVE to try and establish a good working relationship based on mutual trust and understanding.

Talking about the Google thing is a perfect example. I asked you how far it was from Nottingham to London because it's important - I may visit Nottingham soon, and you're in London, so I want to know how easy it would be for us to meet up. Don't you get that ? If you don't know how far it is from Nottingham to London, just so say so. Don't make a STUPID STUPID guess of 3,000 miles ! That just makes people think you are an IDIOT, which I'm sure a man in your position is NOT. And don't tell me it's time to forget about this, it's REAL IMPORTANT !!! You STILL haven't told me what would be a good place to meet up. So where ? London ? Nottingham ? Some other place ? WHERE ?!?!?!?!?! And don't tell me "you can't tell me that you know all the distance linking one state or the other, even cities" whatever that means. I DON'T know the distance between these places, that's the whole POINT you NUMBSKULL !!!! That's why I asked YOU what the distance was, precisely because I didn't know. And then you gave me a STUPID STUPID answer ! What does that tell me about your intelligence ? Your approach to business ? And your trustworthiness ?

And exactly what offensive words have I used to you so far ? EXACTLY WHAT ONES ? There might have been some in this very message, but EXACTLY WHAT offensive words have I used to you before this mail ? List EVERY ONE please, because I have no idea what your are talking about.

Your bizarre claims that I am delaying this transaction are as despicable as they are foolish, and I will not waste time on dealing with them.

The money is sitting in a box right next to me, ready to go.

Make sure that your next e-mail to me answers all the questions I've asked in this e-mail, every single one, and also includes a doctor's certificate confirming that you are healthy and sane.

Kindest regards and don't stress yourself out man

Nigel Ryan-Schama

August 4th

Yo Dickson, thanks for the certificate, it filled my heart with joy, that you are so healthy.

Let me be clear, are you saying you are able to travel to Nottingham when I visit ? That would be ideal. I'm starting to firm up dates and I hope to be able to confirm the exact dates for my visit very soon.

In the meantime, I am hoping to drive into town in the next day or two and will be able to visit the Western Union then.

Can you send me again the details I need for the payment please ? I know the amount of course, but are there any other important details ?

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

August 5th

Yo Dickson, thanks for that. I had to laugh when you said "Go to any nearby Western Union..." You see, the nearest Western Union to here is more than 100 miles away. Although my address is technically Seattle, I'm actually a long way out into the boondocks. The first 35 miles or so are not on roads, just forest tracks, and the first 3 miles ain't even on forest tracks, just the dried up bed of the Skamchatwekan River, which is fine in the summer, not so hot in the winter when it's under 30 foot of raging torrent. But like I say, in the summer it's fine, and I'm going to make the journey tomorrow. Wish me luck, partner ! I ain't never used Western Union before but I imagine the money should be ready for you to pick up later tomorrow. If you get the money tomorrow, how long will it take you to get to the court ?

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

August 6th

Attention Nigel Ryan-Schama,

How are you doing today my good friend, how was your daily activities? i am still looking upon you as you promised.

Let me know when you are done.

Regards,
Donald

August 7th

Yo Dickson !

I am very sorry, I had a TERRIBLE day yesterday ! You remember I told you that it was a long and difficult journey to the nearest Western Union ? Well I set off yesterday morning, bright and early. I took the cash with me, so I was all set to send the money to you. My car was attacked by a moose on the way, which delayed me quite a bit. Don't worry, I wasn't injured, this kind of thing is quite common here, but it's still very annoying and it did break the windshield which I'll have to get fixed in the next month or so before the real rain sets in.

ANYWAY, I got to the Western Union, and told the guy I wanted to pay £2,412 to my friend in London, UK. I had $3,000 with me, which I thought would be enough, to pay you and also pay WU's charges. But I had MISCALCULATED ! You only get about 60pence to the buck at the moment, and I think WU's rate is a little worse than that. I thought it was the other way round, 60 cents to the pound, but I was mistaken. Anyway, it was going to cost me over $4,000 to pay you £2,412, and I just didn't have that much cash on me !

I am SO SORRY for this miscalculation and I hope it does not delay our transaction. Please don't misunderstand me, it's not a problem to pay you $4,000 or even $5,000, I have plenty of cash in the house, but I just didn't have it on me at the time. The bank was closed by then, and the only thing I could do was go home again after making a totally wasted journey ! I did think about paying you just the $3,000 I had on me, which would have worked out at maybe £1,800, less WU's charges, I'm not sure of the exact amount, but I was worried that you might misunderstand this and be offended that I was paying you less than the full amount. So I didn't. And then, to cap it all, on the way home, I was pulled over for speeding and got a ticket ! Can you believe my luck ????

ANYWAY partner, I hope you can forgive this.

It will be Friday now before I can get back into town (I'm sorry, I can't go today or tomorrow). If you need to pay these fees urgently, please do so and I will get my share over to you ASAP. OR, can you accept a bank transfer ? I could do a bank transfer to you right now. Can you give me the details please if you want to do that ?

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

August 12th

Yo Dickson

Sorry for not replying sooner. We had a tornado here last week which took down the power lines over half the state and left me without internet access for days - maybe you heard about it over there in London ? Power's only come back on in the last half hour or so and the first thing I did was start writing this message to you.

Anyway, on Thursday I took the long long trip back to the local Wester Union. I still haven't got my windshield fixed after last time, remember I told you about that ? Anyway, I took about $8,000 in cash with me this time and right enough that was plenty. But there was STILL a problem I'm afraid. The manager of the Western Union told me that WU are introducing new security measures because apparently lots of crooks and fraudsters use WU to move their moolah round the world.

So she says I have to get you to confirm that the money I'm going to send you is not to be used for fraudulent purposes.

She says you have to write a letter on your company's headed stationery, saying "I, [insert payee's name here], hereby certify that the funds in this transaction are for legitimate business purposes only, and will not be used for purposes of terrorism, fraud, or any other larceny or illegal activities. {signed} [insert payee's name here]".

Sorry for this further delay my friend but can you please make up a letter saying this, then scan it and send it back to me with your signature as soon as possible please and I'll get straight back to WU with the cash.

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

August 13th

Yo Dickson, I'll try that later today.

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

August 15th

Yo Dickson, of course I am with you partner, don't ever doubt that. I am well, thanks, but I am struggling to make the payment. You see my bank account is here in the USA, and it's in US dollars. But your account is in the UK in £sterling. I've tried making the payment on the internet but it just isn't working and as far as I can tell it's because of the difference in currencies. I've spoken to the bank on the phone and they told me that was likely to be the problem as well. I actually thought I'd made the payment a couple of days ago when I could see the money going out of my account, but it came back in the next day. I'm real sorry about this and I don't know how to get round it.

In the meantime, why don't you send me that message I asked you for, so that I can try again at Western Union ?

The good news, is that my plans to visit England are taking shape and I expect to be there in a couple of weeks time, and to give you details for meeting up, maybe in the next few days.

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

August 16th

Yo Dickson, that's great, thanks for your patience and thanks for the letter - that should do the trick. I'll make the trip back to Western Union on Monday - it's not open over the weekend, sorry.

In the meantime, is there anything else we need to be doing in preparation for getting the money ?

Why don't you tell me a little more about yourself ? Do you have a family ? Do you have lots of interesting cases in your legal practice ? I know you can't tell me about the details, but it would be fun if you could give me a general idea of some of the most exciting cases.

Also, don't forget, I'll definitely be over in England in the next coupla weeks, looking forward to meeting you. I haven't got definite details yet, but I'll let you know as soon as I can.

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

August 20th

Yo Dickson ! How's it going ? Thank you so much for the reminder that today is Monday, that was helpful indeed.

What did you mean when you said your wife is late ? Do you mean she's gone out for the evening and hasn't come home yet ? Or do you mean she's dead ? If she's dead, I am truly sorry and offer my fullest heartfelt condolences. Have you been a widower for long ? I hope your children bring brightness to your life and help fill the void left by your departed Mrs. I have to say my own kids have not done that for me. They are worthless ingrates and every time I look on their idiotic faces I curse the day Mrs Ryan-Schama packed her bags, hopped on the train to Poughkeepsie and left me alone to bring them up. How could she do that to me ? If only she had waited another month, I could have beaten her to it and left HER with the BRATS. There is no justice in life, beyond what you make for yourself. Am I right Dickson ? You know I'm right.

All of which makes me more determined than ever to complete this transaction, get hold of the money, and make sure my kids never see a cent of it !

Unfortunately there was a slight problem at WU yesterday. I took along the letter you kindly sent me, about the money not being for larceny and so on and so forth. But in your haste, you seem to have missed out some of the things you needed to include in the letter, and I didn't check it properly when I received it from you.

The correct wording is

"I, [insert payee's name here], hereby certify that the funds in this transaction are for legitimate business purposes only, and will not be used for purposes of terrorism, fraud, prostitution, trafficking, identity theft, money laundering, drug smuggling, racketeering, mafia activities, malfeasance of the first degree, malfeasance of the second degree, or any other larceny or illegal activities. {signed} [insert payee's name here]".

I'm real sorry about this pal. Can you just re-write the letter you sent me before, sign and date it again, then scan and send back to me ? And try to be more professional in this type of thing in future, OK ? I say that as your friend and partner.

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

August 21st

Yo Dickson. Once again I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. I thought we had gotten past all that crazy talk from you but nope, your last message tells me you're heading back to wacko wacko land when it comes to common sense and business competence.

How dare you suggest I am "playing prank" with you, whatever that means ! Don't you remember ? It was YOU who made stupid jokes to ME earlier in our correspondence. Believe me my friend, I have no time for pranks. Don't you remember how I told you the journey to my nearest Western Union is more than 100 miles, much of it not even on roads ? I have made that journey for you THREE (3) TIMES now. What have you done for me in exchange ? Nothing as far as I can tell. Don't worry, I'm confident that you will come good in the end. But that's the point isn't it ? International transactions like this require a little bit of TRUST, and that's something you're not going to build by making STUPID STUPID accusations of pranks.

And don't blame me if you sent me details of a bank account that wouldn't accept international transfers. That's YOUR FAULT, not mine pal.

I really don't know what the rest of your message means, you talk in such a strange way. Is that how English lawyers talk ? Anyway I can't respond to the rest of your message cos I have no idea what you mean pal.

Now listen and listen good.

It aint my fault if I aint familiar with the rules of Western Union. Just re-write the letter you sent with the correct words, and I'll make that trip again, A FOURTH (4TH) TIME !!!

Also, if you look back at the messages we have exchanged, you may remember I told you that I had to have answers to all questions that I asked. There were several questions in my last e-mail to you that you have ignored.

Answer them all please.

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

August 23rd

Yo Dickson, yeah yeah yeah relax pal, I got your letter OK. I checked the wording, and it seems fine to me, at least, it's exactly what the lady at Western Union said it should be. Jeez I hope they haven't changed the wording since then, we've been waiting so long for this now ! The WU isn't open over the weekend, but I'm hoping to get back there maybe Tuesday.

In the meantime, go back to my last e-mail, go to the bit where it says "listen and listen good" and read what it says after that about answering my questions. Then answer them. I'm getting a little tired of you ignoring my questions. If I get full answers, I'll try and make the trip to WU on Tuesday. If not, I won't. It's that simple.

Get with the programme Dickson OK ?

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

August 24th

Yo Dickson, only 9 months ago ? Boy, that's tragic. How did she die ? Disease ? Accident ? Murder ? If it was murder, did they catch the culprit ? Are they in prison now ? I sure hope so. How old are you Dickson ? How old was Mrs Dickson when she tragically passed away ? How old are your children ? There may well be still time in your life to find love a second time. Have you begun to explore those avenues yet, or is it still too early ? If you have, then good luck my friend ! And if not, maybe it's time to start thinking about it ! Do write back and let me know your thoughts on this.

As it will be a coupla days before I go to WU, let's talk about other stuff.

Are you a sports fan ? Are you a fan of London Arsenal ? Or maybe London Chelsea ? Or maybe the London hotspurs of Tottenham ? what dya think ?

Anything you wanna talk about ? Do you like fishing ? Is the Thames good for fishing ?

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

August 26th

Yo Dickson, great to hear from you again. Thanks for the answers. I am very sorry to hear about your wife, that is a very great tragedy. But your kids sound great ! Do you have any grandchildren yet ? Do your two sons live with you in England ?

I understand that you are still in morning, but it's great that you're already thinking of getting a new wife. You never know when love will come around the corner ! And you think I'm gonna find a new wife for you ? He he, that's hilarious ! I'd really love to my friend, I really would. I gotta tell you, I don't know that many hot babes here in Seattle. I mean I know plenty of women, but most of 'em aint lookers if you know what I mean. But one or two have potential. Maybe. On a dark night.

OK so first things first, send me a photo of yourself, so I can show it to one or two of the local honeys. Make it a good one, dress up as smart as you can, wash your face, have a shave, you know the drill. Then, tell me something about what type of woman you want. Old ? Young ? Middle aged ? blond ? brunette ? red-head ? ginger ? black hair ? yellow hair ? Slim ? medium build ? heavy build ? super-heavy build ? (I know a few of those). Is it a problem if they have kids or pets ? Do they need to have a job ? Do they need to be able to speak English ?

So you like Manchester, huh ? How are they doing this season, please tell me.

As for fishing, boy, I could go on about that all day ! Let's just say, when you and me eventually meet up I'd really like to hook you up and reel you in, know what I mean ?

Do write back soon. As usual, answer all the questions please.

I'm hoping to go to WU tomorrow as promised to make the payment.

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

August 29th

Yo Dickson, if I send you an e-mail with questions, don't reply without answering them. I thought we'd got that established as a basic principle of our business. Do we have to go over this question and answer thing ALL OVER AGAIN ???? Answer the questions from my last message (AND the one in this one) and then we can talk.

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

August 29th

Yo Dickson, I really can't be bothered explaining to you just how dumb you sound. Answer my questions, and I'll tell you how I got on at WU.

Looking forward to successfully concluding this transaction IF you STOP being such a moron. No offence pal, don't take it personally, but you sure are starting to sound like a TOTAL IDIOT.

Are you online now ? Get back to me IMMEDIATELY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

August 30th

Yo Dickson ! Jesus what a MORON you are ! What an UNBELIEVABLE MORON !

Yes, you asked for my phone number.
Go back to the e-mail I sent you in response on 31st July.
That's what I've just done, and here's what I wrote to you in that mail.

...................................................................................................

In the meantime, here are the other details you asked for.

Home address - xxxx Pacific Heights Boulevard, Seattle, USA (I have a small office here)

Phone number - I no longer use a phone, I have been deaf since having a stroke 6 years ago.

International passport / drivers licences - what do you mean by this ? How can I send these to you by e-mail ? Rest assured I possess both of them.

...................................................................................................

And guess what, dipshit, there's ANOTHER question YOU didn't answer ! I asked you how I could send you my passport and drivers licence by e-mail and I'm STILL waiting for an answer from YOU, 2 months later ! Jesus what a fucking moron you are.

But as you never asked me for my passport again, I just took it you'd changed your mind about wanting it.

Is this how you behave when you're representing clients in court ? If yes, I'd be surprised if you've EVER won a single case.

Here's another question for ya ya dumb palooka. You say I refused to tell you about myself and my family ? Tell me the date of the e-mail in which I refused to tell you about my family. Right now, tell me the date of that mail, you butt munching asshole.

If we're going to make a success of this transaction, you need to adjust your attitude on a gigantic scale, and real fast, and frankly I'm beginning to think you're not up to it.

I write as your friend and partner.

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

September 4th

Yo Dickson you lamebrained dumbass !!!! What the hell is happening with this transaction ? Have you been to the High Court yet ? Please try and be professional you bozo !!! Get back to me immediately OK ? Do you think I'm made of time ??? What a moron you are !!! Also, you are an imbecile.

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan Schama (Your friend and partner)

September 11th

Yo Dickson you goddam moron !!! Have you been to the bank yet ??? Have you collected my money from Western Union yet ??? What the hell is going on you asshole ?

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

September 12th

Yo Dickson you idiot. Once again I have NO IDEA what you are talking about. How can you seriously expect me to respect your personality whatever that means when you keep talking like such a goddam brainless fucking moron ?

Answer me straight, have you collected my money from WU ?

Have you been to the English High Court yet ?

Get back to me immediately please, shithead.

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

September 14th

Yo Dickson you goddam shitforbrains. I know you haven't collected my money from Western Union, because I went back there this morning and they told me it hadn't been collected, so I recalled the payment. They charged me $65 for that - I'll add that to YOUR share of the expenses, you moron.

You said I should call you - I told you, I can't use a phone because I'm deaf after having a stroke several years ago ! Don't you remember ANYTHING I tell you ?

Now listen, and listen GOOD.

You remember I said I was visiting England soon ? You probably don't remember, you're such a fucking braindead idiot, but if you look back through my messages to you, I've mentioned it many times. I am travelling to Nottingham, remember ?

I'm actually flying into Birmingham BHX on Tuesday next week with my nephew. But he's then going to London for a coupla days to meet some old marine corps buddies of his, and I'm going to Nottingham myself. I'll meet with my English relatives on Tuesday evening and my nephew will join us a coupla days later.

So I'll have a coupla hours in Birmingham when I'm by myself and can meet you.

DON'T meet me at the airport, my nephew will be there and I don't want him to know about this transaction.

You need to meet me at BIRMINGHAM NEW railway station. I'll be there by myself, at about 11:00 hours London time ON TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 17.

I will have cash on me to pay you in person.

This is your last chance, shithead.

I have never been there so I don't know what the station looks like and I don't know where to meet you. You will need to hold up a big sign saying "NIGEL RYAN-SCHAMA" written in letters 6 inches high, in black ink on white paper. If I see some idiot holding a sign saying "NIGEL RYAN-SCHAMA" in letters 5 and half inches high, I'll keep walking. If I see some idiot holding a sign with my name spelled wrongly, I'll keep walking. I am an old man with very poor eyesight - the writing needs to be VERY LARGE and VERY CLEAR.

If you can get this right, I'll find you, introduce myself, and put the $4,000 in your hand to get this transaction off the ground.

Then maybe we can go get a cold beer together and start to plan our great future together.

DON'T BLOW IT THIS TIME YOU MORON !

Like always, I'm writing as your friend and partner, you SHITHEAD !

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

September 15th

Yo Dickson ! Jesus what a fucking moron you are ! I simply don't have time to go back to the Western Union - my first flight leaves Seattle in about 6 hours. It takes well over 6 hours to get to the nearest WU and back.

I'll see you in Birmingham New station, 11 oclock, Tuesday, don't fuck this up asshole.

Remember the sign. Make it REAL BIG.

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

October 7th

So where were you, you fucking moron ? Why weren't you at Birmingham New station on Sep 17th ? Or did you forget the sign you fucking shit for brains idiot ?

I learnt a new word while in England, all the kids were saying it, it's "DICKHEAD".

If it's OK with you, from now on I'm going to call you not Donald Dickson, but Donothing Dickhead, which I think is more apt.

How does that grab ya buddy ?

Get back to me immediately if you still want to do anything about this transaction, you fucking loser.

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

October 8th

OK whatever. Once again, I have absolutely NO IDEA what you are talking about. PLEASE TRY AND TALK SENSE YOU FUCKING MORON !!! How are we going to make this transaction work if you keep spouting this nonsense all the time ? Seriously, did you cut and paste the text of your last mail from one of your legal case notes ? Jeepers you are so DUMB !

Anyway never mind that now.

What's happening with our transaction you goddam good for nothing bozo ?

Get back to me immediately, or as soon as you sober up.

Remember buddy, I'm writing as your friend and partner, you fucking shitforbrains moron.

Kindest regards
Nigel Ryan-Schama

October 25th

Dear Mr Dickson.

My name is Frankelle Baum, I'm with the FIB, I'm an executive in the department of internet security.

As you know the US Government monitors all email traffic around the world, and we have followed your correspondence with Mr RyanSchama of Seattle.

Oct 8th you wrote Mr RyanSchama telling him you had forwarded details of his terrorist activities to the FBI.

I write to inform you we have not received any correspondence from you concerning Mr RyanSchama's terrorist activities.

Mr RyanSchama is known to us but not for terrorist reasons.

If you have evidence of terrorist activity that Mr RyanSchama is engaged in, please report it to my office immediately.

Please be aware that it is a federal offence to withhold evidence of terrorist activity.

I know you're in England but we have a strong extradition treaty with the English government and if you withhold evidence we will not hesitate to extradite you to Washington or Guantanamo Bay for special interview.

I strongly advise you to co-operate with my office, and we are able to pay rewards for evidence leading to successful prosecution of terrorists.

Frankelle Baum
Executive Officer
Federal Investigation Bureau
Suite 41
9 Lower Da Crux Avenue
Washington DC

October 31st

Dear Mr Dickson (and by the way, we know that's not your real name. We know who you really are and where you are).

Be advised that extradition proceedings against you will be initiated Monday November 11th if you fail to immediately forward us details of your correspondence with Mr RyanSchama.

Frankelle Baum
Executive Officer
Federal Investigation Bureau
Suite 41
9 Lower Da Crux Avenue
Washington DC

November 3rd

Dear Extradition Candidate

Be advised that this office does not negotiate with foreign nationals such as yourself who fail to co-operate with the justice system, except as part of court-sanctioned plea bargaining protocols, pursuant to section 13 of the 2002 Homeland Defence Act.

If you wish to enter a plea bargain, please clarify your requirements.

This office does not issue phone numbers, to prevent incoming calls of a fraudulent nature.

We will call you when we want to speak with you.

Extradition proceedings will commence against you November 11 if you continue to fail to co-operate, with initial rendition to the Guantanamo Bay facility.

Frankelle Baum
Executive Officer
Federal Investigation Bureau
Suite 41
9 Lower Da Crux Avenue
Washington DC

And that was it.