Thought you guys might get a kick out of this one

From the frozen North comes the tale of Chief Peter Martel and the hapless James Dale, scammer-in-training. Praise Wayne!

James Dale - scammer
Chief Peter Martel

This was the start of a beautiful relationship.

James Dale

Dear Sir/Madam I apologize if the contents hereunder are contrary to your moral ethics, But please treat it with absolute secrecy and personal courtesy. I am James Dale an Auditor of a commercial Bank here in the United Kingdom, in the the process of auditing our bank accounts I and one of my colleagues discovered that there is a dormant account valued at the sum $10,000,000.00 (Ten million united states Dollars) and after due verification of this account we discovered that the account owner is late and that is why the account has been dormant and as such a $10,000,000.00 has been lying in the bank unclaimed.

The idea of presenting somebody who is not related to our deceased customer to act as his next of kin came into our mind, that is how and why we have contacted you to present you as his next of kin , so that the $10,000.000.00 will be paid to you and we can both disburse the fund according to the percentage we will agree on. In view of this, I am seeking for your co-operation and understanding to stand as the next of kin to our deceased customer, to enable us claim the fund from my bank. Hence, If this proposal is OK by you and you do not wish to take undue advantage of my trust, then I hope to bestow on you.

Please kindly get back to me immediately, to enable me enlighten you on how we are to proceed. On getting your response, we shall agree on the percentage of disbursing the $10,000,000.00 between us, as we intend to invest part of our own share in real estate business in your country, and we would appreciate if you can put us in the right part investing in your country. I will not contact any person or company until I hear from you, so as to enable me decide on what to do next. Be rest assured that this business is 100% risk free. We await for your prompt response.

James Dale


Wow 10 million, i'd be an idiot not to reply

Peter Martel

Hello James,

This offer seems to good to be true. Please understand that I am a little sceptical. Can you please explain to me how I can get this money if I am in no way related to this person? Also what bank do you work for?

I hope to hear from you soon.

Best regards,

Peter Martel

James Dale

Dear Pierre Martin.

Thanks for your response, I am very happy to hear from you, I beleive this is going to be the begining of a new business relationship. I will call you tomorrow provided you give me your direct contact numbers,but I still need to let you know how we are to proceed.

I want to assure you that this transaction will be conducted under a legitimate ground . This is just an opportunity that came my way and I decided to utilise it,So do not be afraid as we are both going to benefit from this transaction.

For us to suceed in this transacrtion we are going to be working with some basic principles which are TRUST , HONESTY , CO OPERATION and CONFIDENTIALITY, once we abide to this principles we shall suceed in this transaction.

I have decided to offer you 30% of the total sum of $10,000,000.00 , I hope this offer is ok for, it is good we agree on the percentage so that there will not be any problem when the fund is transfered into your account.

For us to commence this transaction you need to assure me that I will surely get my own 70% of the total fund , once you re assure me this by writing in your next e mail, I will give you the bank e mail address with a text of what you will send them requesting that the fund should be paid into your account.

You will provide an account where this $10,000,000.00 will be paid into, I will advise you open a brand new account with just one hundred dollar in the account and give me the bank details , if you already have an account , I will advise you remove all the money in that account and give me the details so that we can commence the transaction, this is just to assure that we need the account information for the purpose we have requested it for.

Awaiting your response, Thanks and God bless.
Best Regards,
James Dale.

--Ok let's see how long it takes before he knows im messing with him

Peter Martel

Dear James,

Before I provide you with more information I need to know a couple of things?

How exactly did you get my contact information? Was I refered by someone? You need me to open a bank account. Where would this account be? What currency does the 100$ need to be in? How do I transfer the funds to this account?.

Since we are operating on your 4 principals I hope you will answer the above questions.

One more thing, my name is not Pierre Martin. It is Peter Martel. Pierre Martin is the MicMac translation of Peter Martel. You see I am a tribal chief and use the MicMac version of my name often. My legal name is Peter Martel.


Peter Martel

Peter Martel

Dear Mr Dale,

I am so excited and overjoyed at the prospect of receiving this money that I forgot to mention something very important in my previous email. I am deaf and mute, so unfortunatly I can not speak with you over the phone. All our business will have to be done over email. Hopefully this will not affect our relationship. I am even willing to only take 20% instead of 30%. I've been telling people in my tribe about our money and everyone is very excited. We are already planning on building new Bingo halls, all across our great reserve. I am also having the first annual MicMac Poutine festival once I receive the funds. If this plan works, I would very much like for you to attend our Poutine festival. I would make you guess of honour, which would make you Prime Minister Jean Poutine. It would be a great honour. Anyways we can talk about these things later. Let's first get down to business and get our money.

Truly yours,

Chief Martel --Cool i'm Peter Martel

James Dale

Hello Mr. Peter Martel

How are you doing today, i got the three emails you sent to me and am very happy with the contents of your email was well understood.

Firstly i got your contacts from our Clients Database when i was in search of our Late clients relatives so i came accross your Information and the information i came accross related to our Late Client Information.

You have same last name (Martel) has he does so i decided to contacts you, has have stated in my first mail, thou you might not be his relation but since you are bearing same LAST NAME with him you are qualified in being his NEXT OF KIN i want you to be rest assured that this transaction is 100% risk free.

Secondly yes i needed you to open an account, the account must be an International account either in the UK or USA but i prefare you get open an account here in the UK so the funds would be safely transfered without no delay.

Thirdly the currency must be in UK POUNDS GB and must have at lease $100 in it. You know what are required in Opening an INTERNATIONAL ACCOUNT. And lastly we are to take care of the transfer after every documents have been submitted to the bank

So i want you to please get back to me as soon as posible so i would draft an APPLICATION OF

CLAIM on your behalf in which you will be sending to the bank. Regards
James Dale.

--Note the sarcasm...too bad he didn't

Peter Martel

Hello Mr Dale,

Wow am I ever lucky my name showed up in your database. I didn't think I would be in some computer all the way in England, but I am High Chief Martel so I guess I don't know how powerful I really am. Good thing my last name is not really Martin or we would have been in trouble. Maybe this client of yours was really related to me. My great great great great great grand father used to run hooch and opium between Newfoundland and England back in the 1800's. He unfortunatly died of scurvy due to the lack of Vitamin C. I thank our great god Wayne Gretzky every day that this terrible disease has been cured. Ah yes before I forget, from now on can you call me Chief Martel, or just Chief for short? Thanks.

Ok now back to business. If I understand correctly, you want me to open a bank account in the UK with 100 British pounds in it? How would I do this? Do you have a bank you can recommend? I don't have much experience in banking seeing as my money is safely stored under my matress so maybe you can help me out with setting up an account? I would appreciate it. Also how am I suppose to transfer the money into the bank account? Do you take care of this?. Lastly, can you please tell me how much 100 British pounds is converted to Eskimo Pie coin? The Eskimo Pie coin is the official currency here in my country. It is not used much so I guess if you can give me an estimate in US dollars that is ok also. I'll get my abacus out and do the conversion.

I must again tell you Mr. Dale how happy I am to have met such an honest and wonderful person as you. You don't know how much it means to me that you are willing to send all this money my way. Maybe this year for christmas I can actually buy a Turkey instead of eating Spam out of a can. Speaking of Spam, don't you just hate the stuff. I know I do. All right Mr Dale, I hope to hear from you soon.

Warmest Kindest Praise Wayne Gretzky Thanks to you and your family

High Chief Martel

--I can't believe he replied after the references to SPAM

James Dale

Hello Chief

Am very happy to recieve such mail from you, you are also very important to me, thou we have not met.

I Called a friend of mine in Switzerland Earlier these morning and explain on how we gonna open the account, and he explained in details for me. His the bank manager of Swiss International Bank and you know what it takes to open an account in Swiss the account will be an international account. Were this funds will be transfered to, i want you to be aware that these accounts must be open with Immediate Effect so as soon as my bank Accept your Application Of Claim the funds will be transfered Directly Into the Swiss account which would be opened on your Behalf.

I want you to carefully Read what he write to me and get back as soon as posible to me.


This account is opened with a Swiss banking powerhouse, with over fifty thousand employees and operations all over the world. It is one of the largest banks in Switzerland and has branches everywhere in Switzerland. It has been in operations for more than 100 years.

You will be dealing with one dedicated account manager and his/her deputy. Account managers are all specialized by countries. They will be intimate with your country and fluent in English or and often also in your mother tongue.

The services offered by the bank are very comprehensive and so are the investments available. Money market funds, bond funds in every major currencies, custom-made equity portofolios, precious metals are all at your fingertips. The bank has a large investment research department at your service if you want to research your investments yourself.

All clients get attention and excellent services - not only very large clients. However, it should be clear that this bank specializes in clients, large and small, who will use the account to save and invest the money over the long run - not in current accounts. They understand that you need to start somewhere and will help you grow along the way.

When opening your account in person, you will meet with your account manager and his deputy in a private meeting room. The deputy will replace the account manager if the latter is not available. This ensures a much better service than having to deal with a pool of account managers who deal with thousands of clients. You will not have to explain everything from the start to a stranger everytime you call.

As a result of internal policies, the bank is not overly flexible with US clients so this is not a first choice if you are a US person. Also, the bank wants long-term accounts, not current accounts. If you are looking for a current account with no intention of leaving money to be saved, we have other accounts which are better suited for this use.

If you need this account for long-term saving this is one of the best account you can get and one that you can use during your whole life and then pass on to your children. We have been offering this account to clients all over the world for many years and receive very positive

The bank expects you to deposit at least 25,000 Swiss francs (equivalent to $22,000 or EUR 17,000 or €12,000) within a few months if you live in: Andorra, Australia, Austria, Belgium, Canada, Denmark, Faroe Islands, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Guernsey, Iceland, Ireland, Isle of Man, Italy, Jersey, Liechtenstein, Luxemburg, Monaco, New Zealand, Norway, Portugal, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, The Netherlands, UK.

Clients who live in other countries are expected to deposit 150,000 Swiss francs (equivalent to $129,000 or EUR 99,000 or €70,000).

The minimum balance can be deposited over a few months.

This dual policy reflects current views in the Swiss banking community about due diligence requirements. The bank considers that it is simpler to verify a client's background in some countries, and harder and more expensive in some other countries. The bank has country-specialized desks for many "risky" countries, such as Russia, Ukraine, Indonesia, etc... to provide good service from Swiss bankers who are fully knowledgeable of each country's particularities so that client can deal with the bank efficiently and on the basis of mutual trust. If you are not sure what account will match your requirements please contact us and we will see what solutions we can offer you.


I want you to get back to me as soon as posible.


James Dale

Peter Martel

Hello James,

Tabarnacle d'essaye de me fourrer (That means how are you my good and honest friend in my language) [really means "F*ck you are trying to screw me" in French]. I want to start by saying, thanks for calling me Chief. That shows a great deal of respect. From now on I am letting you into my circle of trust. That means you can drop in for supper anytime and you get a go with my wife on christmas. So how was your weekend James? Mine was great. We caught a zamfir concert up in Jacket River. It was amazing. That motherfucker can play the shit out of the Pan Flute. After that it was TV Bingo and Cheesy poofs for me

So James I read your email and I we need to get something in the open. I'm not an idiot. Instead of me only transfering 22 000$ how bout I transfer all my life savings to this swiss account? I get nervous when I leave the house because like I mentioned before all my scratch is hidden under my matress. In this post 9/11 world there could be terrorist anywhere just waiting to break into my house and steal my hard earned money so they can finance there next terrorist plot. Last thing I need right now is George Bush on my ass saying I finance terrorism. You know how damaging that would be to my reputation. I am Emperor Martel and I don't need any negative press.

Before we go any further, I would like to know some more about you? How old are you? What is the name of the bank you work at? Do you have a family? Any daughters? How old are they? Are they hot? Are they single? just kidding on that last one.....
You a religious man? Do you believe in Wayne Gretzky our lord? If we are going to be business partners I would also love to get a picture of you and your family. Can you send me one please?
Also there has been one thing really bugging me. You are suppose to be from England right? Yet you write like a 4 year old. Actually my 4 year old daughter can string a sentence together better then you can.

I hope to hear from you soon James

Your very rich and powerful friend

Emperor Martel V

more to come?