MY BOYFRIEND'S BACK AND YOU'RE GONNA BE IN TROUBLE

From Lois Lane, a close relative of Edmund Dantes (last seen in COUNT ME OUT).

Cast of characters:

WEMBA SAMUEL -Son of a rich dead farmer who left a lot of cash lying around. He wants to give Lois some of it.

LOIS LANE - Reporter for a big time newspaper. OK with the money but wants assurances from Wemba.

As the curtain opens, Wemba Samuel recounts the tale of an "unpleasant incident" in which his parents were slaughtered, leaving money which he wants to share with Lois.


WEMBA SAMUEL

Date: Fri, 18 Mar 2005
From: "WEMBA SAMUEL" <ssamwem@yahoo.ca>
Subject: ASSISTANCE??

Attention:

MY Name is Mr. Samuel Wemba, the son of Late Mr. Wemba Koffi of Zimbabwe. It might be a surprise to you where I got your contact address; I got it from the internet when i was searching for a honest person. Don't be worried because I am contacting you in good faith.

During the crisis against the farmers of Zimbabwe by the supporters of our President Robert Mugabe to claim all the white owned farms in our country, he ordered all the white farmers to surrender their farms to his party members and their followers. Wemba was one of the best farmers in the country and knowing that he did not support the President political ideology, the president supporters invaded my father's farm and burnt down everything, killed him and my mother confiscated all his investments.

I will like you to take a look on these website
http://www.rte.ie/news/2000/0418/zimbabwe.html

Before this unpleasant incident, my mother and Wemba had already visited Lome-Togo to deposit the sum of twenty-seven Million, United States Dollars ($27M) in the safe vault of a Security company here in Lome-Togo. This action was taken because Wemba felt the growing tension on the farm issue but I guess he never anticipated the tragedy that brought their brutal and sudden death.

At the time of deposition, the real content was not disclosed to the security officials; instead, it was deposited as Family Valuables.

After the bloody incident, I and my sister had to escape out of our country for the safety of our lives. We seek refuge in Lome-Togo and we were permitted to reside here as Political Refugees under section (5.9).

Because of our present and unpleasant status, my sister and I are contacting you to assist us with the convenient and legal transfer of the funds out of Lome-Togo. All the ducuments contening the said fund is with my fathers attorny here in Lome---Togo.

If my proposition is considered, for assisting us to transfer this money to your country, we will offer you 15% of the total fund, and 5% of the total will be used to balance up any expenses incurred during this transaction. 80%will be for us to buy shares in your company or investing in your country under your supervision and buy house over there.

I would appreciate confidentiality and honesty in our correspondence. Your immediate response will be highly welcomed.

I wait urgent reply God bless you.

Samuel Wemba.

[Note: April's sparsely attended elections in Zimbabwe - once the breadbasket of Africa and now significantly reliant on food aid for survival - gave "ZANU" - the party of President (apparently for life) Mugabe - bigger margins than before. Of course this scam has nothing to do with Zimbabwe. But you knew that. And now back to our regularly scheduled scam.]


Lois agrees to help.

LOIS LANE

Date: Fri, 18 Mar 2005

Mr. Wemba,

You have had a rough time of it. I am not sure what I can do to help, but let me know.

Lois

Wemba is in a refugee camp named after the head of the UN.
WEMBA SAMUEL

Date: Sat, 19 Mar 2005

Dear Lois,

Thanks for your urgent response,Right now we are in the Kofi Unnam memorial refugee camp.

I have contacted you because as we here on asylon,the land is against seeing us with such amount of money.So i have contact you to show your honesty so that i will change this documents to read your name,so that it will be legal to move this fund to your country where you will provide a reliable account for the safty lodging of this fund.

Am assuring you that this transaction is 100% risk free so i only need you honest and for you to keep things to yourself to avoid us loosing this money in any form.I will await your urgent response while i need your assurance to protect this fund in truth whern it gets to your country.I will there by send this certificate which my father gave to me for your clear understanding.Thanks and remain blessed as i expect your urgent response.

Regards,

Samuel Wemba.

Lois expects a certificate, and asks to involve Superman, aka Clark Kent.


LOIS LANE

Date: Sat, 19 Mar 2005

Mr. Samuel,

Was there supposed to be an attachment? You mention sending a certificate, but I didn't see any.

I can be as secretive as the next woman. Can I discuss anything with my fiance, Clark? He assists me in so many things.

Thanks,
Lois


WEMBA SAMUEL

Date: Sat, 19 Mar 2005
Subject: I attched this document give those things i asked of you

Dear Lois,

There is nothing wrong telling your fiance of this hence you trust him he will not be of any harm to this fund and will contribute his own knowledge in ivesting this fund if he has the onion to do so.

I have told you to keep it to yourself to avoid many people being aware when this fund will get to your country to avoid the looking for means to take it from us,cause as it stands now this is our only hope for life.

Furthermore,i will need you phone number and fax number,your full name and your house or office adress,so that i submit it to our father's Lawyer to process the documentation to change this certificate to read your name for easy and legal move of this fund to your country for investment.I await your urgent response.Remain blessed.

Regards,
Samuel Wemba.

Lois will not continue unless Wemba sends some documents to make her feel better.


LOIS LANE

Date: Sat, 19 Mar 2005

Mr. Samuel,

I am not sure what you mean, about Clark having the onion. What onion is he supposed to have? I don't think that word means what you think it means.

As for secrecy, my Clark can keep a secret better than anyone I know. We can trust him.

My full name is Lois Lane, phone is 206-3390-xxxx. The phone also doubles as a fax if we need it. I am a reporter for a major newspaper, and travel some, but can always receive messages when I am not in.

Clark recommended that we get a copy of the certificate of deposit and last bank statement for the account, as the exact amount, including interest, will be stated there.

All the best,

Lois

Wemba wants LoisÕs address first.


WEMBA SAMUEL

Date: Sun, 20 Mar 2005
Subject: Get back to me

Dear Lois,
I instucted you to give me your full house adress,remember it should be a secured place where this fund will be delivered as soon as the lawer is thru with the documentation.

Lois is unhappy with WembaÕs tone, and lets him know this. Note all information is fake.


LOIS LANE

Date: Sun, 20 Mar 2005

Mr. Samuel,

You "instructed" me? If we are to proceed with this transaction, I think you must agree that there will be trust on both sides. Talking to me in such an overbearing manner will get us nowhere. For that matter, I "instructed" you to send copies of the bank documents and statements so that I can assure myself the exact amount that we are talking about and that it is in fact real.

I will comply with your REQUEST if you will then respond to my REQUEST.

This is my PO box, which is secure, as you REQUESTED:

PO Box 12423
25625 104th Ave SE
Kent, WA

Now if you will respond with the documents, as I REQUEST, then maybe we can put this episode behind us and move on with our mutual interest.

Lois


WEMBA SAMUEL

Date: Sun, 20 Mar 2005
Subject: Dear.

Dear Lois,

I have wrote you earlier,but fail to clear some point due to the fact i was ruing back to camp from church with my sister and a friend.

That is why i sneak from camp to write you this time to clear you on some fact you mentioned in your mail to me.I had not choose to let down Clark's name but what i rather want to point is if he will bring his own part of wisdom in investing this fund in a luccrative business in your country,where we will not be dissapointed of knowing you.

Furthermore,i had some telephone conversation,with my father's lawyer this after writing you the first time and told him i and my younger sister's step to move my father's box from the Security company and he requested for the secound time the whole information i asked you to give,to enhance the change of this document to your name,for a legal move of this fund to your country in your name to avoid confiscation.

My sister also suggested if you can come here to see us so that we will have a the chance to know one another first before coming to your contry to invest this fund,so that after the lawyer is thru with the whole process we will go to the Security company to redeem this box and move it to your country.I await your response like i earlier told you.

Remain blessed,

Kind Regards,

Samuel

Wemba apologizes (sort of) and clarifies what information is requested.


WEMBA SAMUEL

Date: Sun, 20 Mar 2005

Dear Lois,

This money was deposited in a security company and not a bank and this deposit was made by my late father.

I have here with me the agreement binding my father with West Africa Clearing house,and this certificate of deposit.To be honest with you i don't have any bank document here only that of a security company.That is why i want to change this document to read your name so that it will be legal to move it to their Affliate office in your country so that they will contact you from there for the delivery to your door post.

Before which you have provide a reliable account where you will bank this money that is where bank comes in this issue.As regards to my father's money in the Security,there is no bank document for it.like you said am not talking to you in overbearing manner,our present condition should be blame for all these we are passing thru.But i believe God knowing you will make us live our normal life again when we come over to your country.

My dear i hope you understand me the way i mean.First thing monday morning i will send this information to my father's Lawyer so that he go for the documentation.so that this fund will be moved to their affliate office in your country.Write me back ok?Remain blessed.

Regards,

Samuel.

Lois is skeptical. Wants documents to make her feel better.


LOIS LANE

Date: Mon, 21 Mar 2005

Mr. Samuel,

So, what you are saying is that this is not a bank account at all, but a box of cash held with a security company. If so, why are you asking me to provide a bank account here in the US? That seems unnecessary and perhaps even dangerous as it may call the attention of the authorities.

Can you please send the document from the security company and the binding agreement you mention, along with your identification? This at least will help reassure me.

Lois


WEMBA SAMUEL

Date: Mon, 21 Mar 2005

Dear Lois,

How are you today,I have gone to the Lawyer and as it stands now he has also gone to effect the documentation.

Pleas i have only one thing to appeal to you at this very point,as soon as the documentation is completed by the lawyer,the security company will contact you for the as the Rightful beneficiary of this fund,Please do kindly relate to me moment they contact you for the delivery.

After the documentation today,the lawyer will instruct them for it's departure to their affliate office in the USA.so that they will contact you from there and the deliver it to you door post.So you will need to mail me urgently and give me your ID which you will use to recieve this box,so that my father's lawyer will also submit it to them.

Rememer that they are not aware of the content of this box so what you will not do is to let them that the content is momney to avoid confisication ok?.I await your urgent mail thanks and remain blessed.

Best Regards,

Samuel

Lois has received another letter from someone wanting to give her money. Is she related?


LOIS LANE

Date: Mon, 21 Mar 2005

Mr. Samuel,

I just received a message from a MISS WENDY BRIGHT DOE who is presenting a very similar situation to what you have presented, but she is from Zimbabwe, or so she claims. You mentioned relatives - could she be someone else in your family trying to betray you? Do you know her?

Lois

Samuel is upset by the prospect of another scammer entering the picture.


WEMBA SAMUEL

Date: Mon, 21 Mar 2005

Dear Lois,

I don't know any body by the name WENDY BRIGHT DOE,i mean is very strange name to me.My younger sister's name is Anita and i know she is me and can not try to betray me.

Please send to me those mails from her if she do claim being a part of my Father's family.No body is in posession of this document am the only son of my fat5her and my sister the only lass by my late perents.So make up your mind if you really want to help us,but if your faith can't carry you no problem you tell us so that i go stop the lawyer from furthering the documentation.

We will want to move this money out in your name but if you find anything that will not be convinet for you to do so my dear there is no problem.On the part of our id,right now we are here with our camp id due to the fact that we came here to send the certificate by scan to you,i will not risk coming here to scan a refugee id they might start laying eyes on me here is not my country and i have to be very careful.

I await your response.

Samuel.

Lois still wants documents to make her feel better. Clark is off saving the world.


LOIS LANE

Date: Mon, 21 Mar 2005

Mr. Samuel,

I agree, the name is a little strange. She was not saying she was from your family, it was just that her situation sounded similar. I am sure it is nothing.

I understand your current issue - please send what documents you are able to scan, the certificate and bank statement will do for now, and you can send ID at a later time. I am sure you can understand that I don't want to conduct business receiving items without even knowing what document / papers relate to the items I will receive.

Clark may want to review the documents you send, but he is off flying around the world someplace tonight. He should be back later, and we will proceed without him. Sometimes I think he cares more about his extracurricular activities than he does about me.

Lois


WEMBA SAMUEL

Date: Tue, 22 Mar 2005

Dear Lois,

I have send to you the certificate of deposit,and already given the lawyer the agreement,for the documentation.

If you want to believe me then let me go ahead and change document to your name but if not please let me know now to avoid making mistake.

Get back to me so that i will go and give my father's lawyer my final say.

Regards,

Samuel.

Lois does not receive the documents that Samuel says he sent. She is upset, and begins to think Lex Luthor may be involved.


LOIS LANE

Date: Tue, 22 Mar 2005

Mr. Samuel,

No, you have not sent me any documents. At least, I have not received any. Did you email or fax them?

Please, I would like to move forward on this, but you don't appear to be serious. Is this a joke? Is this really Lex playing a joke on me? If it is, it isn't funny. I will have Clark come over and kick your ass if it is Lex playing a joke.

Lois


WEMBA SAMUEL

Date: Wed, 23 Mar 2005

Dear Lois,

I have just read your mail,one thing i want you to understand is that am not in any way kiding atall.

This fund is our only hope for life no one should expect me to be unserious while carry out the obligation which is upon me.Lois dear i will not be able to say exactly why the first certificate of deposit i sent to you was not recieved.

I will want you to know while you talk about the progress of this issue we have called you to assist us move our fund to your country for investment, bear in mind that the lawyer has demanded me to give him your id with which you will use in recieving this box for us.

I expect your urgent response with the id remain blessed.

Best regards,

Samuel.

Samuel continues to have difficulty sending attachments, Lois threatens Lex with ClarkÕs wrath.


LOIS LANE

Date: Wed, 23 Mar 2005

Wemba,

I got an attachment this time, an empty HTML file. Nothing in it. Either you are incompetant in the use of email on the Internet, or you are pulling my leg. I am a business woman not used to being made fun of, and don't appreciate this run around.

Please get someone else for me to speak with that can actually get a document attachment over to me so we can proceed.

Lois

PS I've talked with Clark. If we find out this is Lex, he is ready to come over and clean your clock.


WEMBA SAMUEL

Date: Thu, 24 Mar 2005

Dear Lois,

With the help of the instrctor here like you adviced,i resend this ceretificate.Hope to hear from you.

Samuel

Wemba really has problems with attachments. Lois concludes he is too stupid to be Lex.


LOIS LANE

Date: Thu, 24 Mar 2005

Wemba, man, get with it. You have got to be the worst wanton crook-pated hempseed that I have ever met. I am now convinced you could not be Lex, because not even Lex could be this incompetent. The attachment you sent this time was still an HTML file, and contained nothing of meaning, just a link to another email message that didn't exist. If this is what we are going to go through every time we need to make a step in this deal, it is going to take *forever*.

Let's try this again, if you can.

Lois

PS Don't worry about Clark; I am convinced now this is not a joke, just pitiful lack of knowledge.

Wemba is concerned; things appear to have gotten off track.


WEMBA SAMUEL

Date: Fri, 25 Mar 2005

Dear Lois,

Please bear with me,i can't say exactly what the problem is.But all thing being equal,i will defnately look for elswhere to send to you alright.My father's lawyer told me yesterday that he recived a call from the security company,where they told him that they have finally discovered that the content of my father's box is money.

But thank God that he has changed this documents before the scaning of the box by the company.So right now their advice is that this money is risky carrying it thru.their diplomatic means,and the suggested paying it to your account from one of their affiliate office in europe.

They maintain as soon as the get go ahead order from us you being the rightful beneficiary then they will mandate their affliate office in europe to pay it to your account as soon as possible.I will like to know your view as regards to this.Furthermore,i will go to Aniho a bit far from the camp here or possibly send my sister to send this certificate thru.Attchment.I am expectant of your urgent reply.

Best regards,

Samuel.

Lois offers fax as an alternative means to get the documents across so she can feel better.


LOIS LANE

Date: Fri, 25 Mar 2005

Wemba,

My heart goes out to you. Your lack of experience and education must be debilitating. I have another suggestion. Please send the certificate of deposit, bank statement and your ID via fax. That only requires knowing how to use a telephone, which I am sure you can handle.

Please fax these documents to 206-339-4395. Then we can proceed to get your money transferred and help you out.

Honestly, I really want to help you, and hope that you can comply quickly so that we can proceed to get your situation straightened out.

All the best,

Lois

TADA! Wemba succeeds in sending a document!


WEMBA SAMUEL

Date: Mon, 28 Mar 2005

Dear Lois,

Attached here is the certificate of deposite for your proper perusal.Go through it and get back to me.I want you to be assured once more that i want to guarantee this transaction a total success with you.

Awaithing your urgent response.

Samuel Wemba.



[Cute, no? The little house at the top looks like a British pub.]


Lois has forgotten why they started all this, but still wants the ID.

LOIS LANE

Date: Mon, 28 Mar 2005

Wemba,

May I call you Wemba, I feel like we are becoming friends, having gone through this trying time of learning together.

Congratulations, you have succeeded in sending the certificate. I will be having Clark review it for authenticity and validity. Now we have to move on to our next item, your ID. I am sure this will be easy for you, as you have mastered the method of emailing attachments. Please send me your ID as soon as possible.

Also, this whole thing has been going on for a while. Remind me - what were we going to do with this money?

Best regards,

Lois

Wemba does not want to send the ID. Frustration is showing.


WEMBA SAMUEL

Date: Tue, 29 Mar 2005

Dear Lois,

Have told you before now the legal implication of sending my id thru scan from knowing fully well that am a political refugee here.

It will be be very risky after sending this certificate from here i will still come here again to send an id that will proof me a refugee.Please lets go ahead to redeem this fund certinly you will live to see me i don't think our id has any thing to contribute to the progress of redeeming our father's fund so write me let me know all you think as regards to this transaction.

Remain blessed.

Samuel.

Lois asks for anything with his picture in it.


LOIS LANE

Date: Tue, 29 Mar 2005

My Dear Wombat,

I can't believe you are having this level of difficulty understanding the simplest concepts. Your ID is a way for me to be assured with whom I am dealing. How do I know that you are who you say you are? I don't think you are Lex, but you might be General Zod. How do I know? Surely you must understand this. This is the most basic of requests before proceeding on any significant business venture.

If you really think there is a risk in sending me your ID, how about just a picture. One that I can verify is actually of you, so it would need to have some sort of identification in it, such as a sign with my name "HELLO LOIS LANE".

If this is important to you, let's continue.

Lois

Wemba has given up, so Lois does too.


LOIS LANE

Date: Wed, 30 Mar 2005

Wombat,

After all we've been through I guess you have finally succumbed to the pressures of your life. I thought this was important to you. If you are not willing to comply with some very basic requests, I must presume you are not serious about pursuing this transaction.

Lois



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