Little Shop of Scammers, Part 1

This scam letter was sent to an address connected to
my website. Inspired by the Scamorama soap operas, I
decided to try my own hand at scam baiting. I
transferred the message, which originally came from
william_okon@juno.com, to a specially created email
address. It's interesting how Floyd's sex changes
throughout the letter:

4/3/03
SUBJECT: next of kin(your kind assistance needed)

Dear friend,
It is my profound intention to write you this very
important and highly confidential letter. I am Dr.
williams okon, a Director on the Board of 
metropolitan International bank. I earnestly seek your
assistance to enable me transfer the sum of US
$9,100,000.00 (nine Million, One hundred thousand 
United States dollars) into your account.

MY PROPOSITION: Some years ago, a Foreigner, Late Mr.
Floyd Maizel an Oil Merchant with the Federal
Government of Nigeria, who died in plane crash a 
couple of years ago banked with us at metropolitan
International Bank, Lagos and until her death had a
closing balance worth US$9,100,000.00 (nine Million
one hundred thousand United States Dollars). Due
process was adhered to and the Bank served notices in
the National newspapers and also through the embassies
High Commission inviting the next of kin of the late
Mrs. Floyd Maizel .

Efforts were made by the management of metropolitan
International Bank to get in touch with any of the
family members or relatives of the Late Mr. Maizel but
all efforts proved abortive. In accordance with the
Banking Guidelines enacted in the Banks/Financial
institutions Edict of 1976, Banking guidelines
stipulates that in the event of death of any of its
Foreign customers, notice should be filed at the
oreign Home office/Embassy of the Foreigner inviting
the next of kin to the deceased Foreigner. The
Management of the Bank has been expecting her next of
kin to come over and claim her money because the funds
cannot be released unless somebody applies for it as
next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated
in our banking guidelines and laws but unfortunately
we learnt from the embassies High Commission that all
her supposed next of kin or relatives died alongside
with the Late Mr. Floyd Maizel in the plane-crash
leaving nobody behind to claim the funds in late Mr.
Floyd Maizel's account with us.

It is therefore upon this discovery that I and other
officials in my department now decided to make this
business proposal to you and release the money to you
as the next of kin or relation to the deceased because
we do not want this money to go into the Bank treasury
as unclaimed bills. The banking law and guidelines in
Nigeria stipulates that if such money remained
unclaimed after a specified period, the money will be
transferred into the Bank's treasury as unclaimed
funds. The request for a foreigner as next of kin to
Late Mr. Floyd Maizel in this business is occasioned
by the fact that the Late Mr. Floyd Maizel was a
foreigner and a Nigerian cannot stand to represent as
next of kin to a dead foreigner.

It is in this regard that my colleagues and I now seek
your permission to have you stand as next of kin to
Late Mr. Floyd Maizel so that the funds US$9.1 Million
will be released and paid into your account as the
Account holder's next of kin. All documents to enable
you get this fund will be carefully worked out. We
have secured from the probate an order of mandamus to
locate any of the deceased Beneficiaries. Please if
you are favorably disposed towards assisting us, I
will appreciate if you communicate your thoughts to me
via my direct Telephone number: 234-803-3489543. On
the successful pursuance of the transaction, the funds
will be shared thus: (1)Your share of the money will
be 27% of the total bulk sum (US$2,457,000.00). (2)I
will keep 70% for myself and other members/Board of 
Directors of metropolitan International Bank. (3)3%
will be set aside to cover any incidental expenses
that may be incurred vis; telephone calls, and taxes
that may accrue in your country as a result of
reception of funds of that magnitude into your bank
account.

All logistics are in place and all modalities worked
out for the smooth actualization of the transaction
within eight working days of commencement after
receiving the following information from you:
Dedicated telephone and fax numbers, Bank Details vis:
Account #, Routing number, Account name. If you are
able to handle this, feel free to reach me on my
telephone number: 234-803-3489543 or my alternative
e-mail address:  metropolitanbank@accountant.com for a
perfect understanding of the transaction. Time-frame
needed for the pursuance of this transaction to a
positive conclusion is presumably eight (8) days
(excluding weekends). Thanks in anticipation of your
positive response.

Yours faithfully, Dr.william okon. 

___________________________________________________________________________

What would happen if this email were received at
Mushnik's Florist, better known as the Little Shop of
Horrors? Our hero is Seymour Krelbourne, with Audrey
as his ditzy blonde wife. And of course Twoey (the
plant, Audrey II) will play a strong supporting role.
Audrey's abusive former boyfriend, Oren the dentist,
and store owner Mr. Mushnik are both mysteriously
missing, but they will play minor roles in absentia.
In the original email, Dr. Okon provided a new email
address for responses, so that is where Seymour sends
his response:

4/3/03
SUBJECT: Re: next of kin(your kind assistance needed)

Dear Dr. Okon:

I am most interested in your proposal. However, I
would like to know how you received my private email
address. I don't know how much you know about me,  but
I am a fellow doctor. My name is Dr. Seymour
Krelbourne, and I minister to the physical and
spiritual well-being of my clients' indoor foliage.

Most people do not realize that all green and growing
things have souls and needs like all the rest of God's
creatures. At my former place of business, in 
Chicago, Illinois, people did not realize that and I
suffered a bankruptcy. However, I have moved to Los
Angeles, California, where people are more open and in
tune with the unseen aspects of life and the
professionals that cater to the murkier sciences like
feng shui, pet psychics, and of course plant
physicians.

But perhaps you know this already. Perhaps it was my
skill in artful marketing that led you to me. Please
let me know how you came to make contact and we can
work out the specifics of your kind proposal.

Dr. Seymour Krelbourne 

____________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Okon responds promptly:

4/3/03
SUBJECT: Thank you for your understanding.

DEAR, DR.Seymour Krelbourne"

I thank you so much for your kind understanding to
support me and full acceptance to help in this
benefiting business. However, i must commend your
humaniterianism and ask you to keep it up. As a fellow
doctor,though we very in specialization or field of
practice, but i think what matters much is our ability
to continue our in life.

Without wasting time, pls permit me to say that i came
across your contact in my search to get a good and
trusted fellow learned person like you, who i can
diligently do this bussiness with because i needed
somebody to trust. May assure that in as much as you
will coperate with me in all to the end, i am assuring
you will really be rewarded. In the light of time,pls
for now ,kindly send to me your private telephone and
fa number, and preferably a copy of your picture ,this
will make us communicate and identify ourselves well.
i will send mine to you as soon as i get yours.

In conclusion, note that my attorney will handle all
due legal documentations and arrangements to help you
hold cliams to the money as next of kin to late mr.
floyd maizel. thank you as i look forward to hear from
you immediately, call me if need
arises:234-803-3489543

regards,
Dr.william okon. 

_____________________________________________________________________________

Seymour provides the requested information. For
Mushnik's, the phone number of a randomly-chosen LA
flower shop with a name that begins with an ÒMÓ should
do nicely. And Seymour looks suspiciously like Rick
Moranis, thanks to a photo gleaned from Google's image
search.

4/03
SUBJECT: Re: Thank you for your understanding.

Dear Dr. Okon:

I am very pleased that you have contacted me, although
I must admit that I am curious as to who passed along
my name. I would like to ensure that it is a trusted
person. Was it one of my business contacts in Los
Angeles? In a matter of this importance, I want to be
sure that all parties involved are trustworthy. Will
the contact person be expecting a percentage of the
money also?

In order to maintain the greatest possible
confidentiality for this transaction, and to ensure
that everything is documented in writing, I prefer to
conduct it via email. But I understand that
emergencies may arise, so I am providing the telephone
number of my business, Mushnik's Florist: (562)
425-4511.

My wife Audrey and I received the business in a
hostile takeover from our former partner, who did not
agree with our business practices. Audrey runs the
floral business, and I take the calls for my botanical
medical services via the store. If it is necessary to
call, please ensure that you speak only to me
personally, and not to my business associate Twoey, as
he cannot be trusted with a transaction of this
magnitude.

I am attaching a photo of myself that is from the Los
Angeles Area Professional Directory. I am eagerly
awaiting your promised photo. I am looking forward to
working out the details of our transaction.

Respectfully,
Dr. Seymour 

___________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Okon is ready to crank things up a notch. That
same day, he sends a photo showing his impeccable
fashion taste. He's wearing a striped shirt combined
with the world's ugliest dotted tie. Poor dead Floyd
has now become Flyod.

4/3/03
SUBJECT: COPY OF MY OLD PICTURES

MY DEAR FRIEND DR. SEYMOUR,

I AM MOST GRATEFUL TO YOUR HIGH LEVEL OF UNDERSTANDING
AND MATURITY SO THAT YOU HAVE EXHIBITED SO FAR. LIKE I
TOLD I HAVE TAKEN NOTE OF YOUR PICTURE AND YOUR
TELEPHONE NUMBER THOUGH IT WAS NOT PRIVATE TO YOU OR
YOUR WIFE. HOWEVER, WE CAN STILL FOLLOW YOUR ADVICE
WHENEVER IT IS IMPORTANT TO CALL YOU.

MY DEAR SEYMOUR, PLEASE RELAX YOUR MIND AND STOP BEING
CURIOUS AS WE HAVE COME TO KNOW EACH OTHER AND IF I
DID NOT HAVE TRUST ON YOUR PERSON I WOULD NOT HAVE
INTRODUCED THIS BUSINESS THAT NEEDS CONFIDENTIOLITY TO
YOU. ABOUT, IF ANYOTHER THIRD PARTY IS TAKEN
PERCENTAGE, I DID LIKE TO TELL YOU THAT THE MONEY WILL
BE SHARED BETWEEN TWO OF US AS THE PRINCIPAL PARTNERS.

I AM ATTACHING A COPY OF MY PICTURE AS EVIDENCE OF MY
IDENTITY TO YOU. PLEASE, EARLIER I DID SAID WE HAVE
LIMITED TIME TO CLAIM OUT THIS MONEY FROM THE BANK ,
SO SINCE I HAVE GOTTEN YOUR ASSURANCE, COPY OF PICTURE
TO PROOF MY MORE TRUST FOR YOU, I AM GOING TO GIVE MY
ATTORNEY INSTRUCTIONS TO CONTACT YOU ON MY BEHALF AND
SEND TO YOU THE LEGAL COPIES OF THE PAPERS BACKING OUR
CLAIMS ESPECIALLY TO HELP YOU LEGAL APPLY TO THE BANK
AS NEXT OF KIN TO LATE MR. FLYOD MAIZEL, SO THAT THE
CAN APPROVE THE MONEY OFFICIALLY FOR RELEASE. FINALLY,
ONCE AGAIN, I THANK YOU FOR COPERATING WITH ME AND I
ASSURE YOU THAT AS FAR AS YOU KEEP THE TRUST I HAVE
FOR AND MAINTAIN THE CONFIDENTIALITY, I AM GOING TO
REWARD YOU AT THE END WHEN THE MONEY GETS TO YOUR BANK
ACCOUNT IN USA. PLEASE GREET YOUR WIFE AUDRY FOR ME,
THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREEL TO CALL
ME IF NEED ARISES,

REGARDS,
DR. WILLIAM OKON. Ð 

____________________________________________________________________________

If you are familiar with the movie ÒLittle Shop of
HorrorsÓ (the remake, not the original), you will
recognize some song lyrics in Seymour's response.

4/4/03
SUBJECT: COPY OF MY OLD PICTURES

My good Dr. Okon,

Seeing your photo has helped to set my mind at ease,
and I am reassured that the money will be kept between
us.

I am very excited about our business deal, as the
additional infusion of funds will allow Audrey and I
to achieve our dream of expanding and franchising
Mushnik's Florist and my botanical medical practice. I
am also planning to make a substantial contribution to
the work study program of the Skid Row Home for Boys,
which is the facility where I grew up until Mr.
Mushnik took me in and introduced me to the floral
business. He have me shelter, a bed, crust of bed, and
a job, and for that I will be eternally grateful.
These funds will enable me to give other youngsters
the same chance.

I trust that I should now await contact from your
attorney. I have an excellent attorney here if you
feel that legal representation would be helpful
stateside. He barters me legal services for treatment
of his wife's rhododendrons, so there would not be any
additional expenses.

Your friend and partner,
Dr. S 

___________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Okon responds:

4/4/03
SUBJECT: PLS CALL ATTORNEY...

MY DEAR FRIEND,

I GOT YOUR MAIL TODAY AND I MUST SAY I COMMEND YOUR
IDEA OF INVESTMENT. HOWEVER I HAVE MY ATTORNEY TO CALL
YOU TODAY, BUT UNFORTUNATELY HE CALLED AND SOMEBODY
TOLD HIM WRONG NUMBER, PLS RE CONFIRM YOUR NUMBER TO
AVOID SUCH MISTAKES.

AGAIN, I BELIEVE HE HAS GOTTEN THE LEGAL GO AHEAD TO
PREPARE THE DOCUMENTS IN YOUR NAME TO ENABLE YOU STAND
AS NEXT OF KIN TO LATE MR. FLYOD MAIZEL, SO THAT WE
CAN EASILY CLAIM THE MONEY OUT FROM THE BANK AND GET
IT TRANSFERED INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT FOR DISBURSEMENT.
THIS MEANS , BY THE GRACE OF GOD HE WILL SEND IT TO
YOU BY MONDAY, BUT I WILL ADIVE THAT YOU CALL HIM PLS
TO IRON THINGS OUT WITH HIM BECAUSE HE IS PROTECT YOUR
INTEREST AND MINE TOO AS BOTH PARTNERS TO THIS
TRANSACTION.

HIS TELEPHONE NUMBER IS 234-1-7755335, HIS NAME IS
BARRISTER JAMES PHILLIPS. IT VERY IMPORTANT SO THAT HE
CAN FIND OUT FROM YOU THE REAL NAME TO YOUR SELF FOR
PREPARING THE PAPERS AND YOUR BANKING INFORMATIONS
WHICH WILL BE FORWARDED TO THE BANK FOR NECESSARY
ACTION. I BELIEVE YOU WILL FIND HIM GOOD AS HE IS AN
INTERNATIONAL LAWYER WITH YEARS OF EXPERIENCE. I LOOK
FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU ON MY ADVICE ABOVE AND
GREET YOUR WIFE FOR ME, PLS REMEMBER NOT TO INVOLVE
ANOTHER PARTY IN THIS TRANSACTION AND KEEP THE
CONFIDENTIALITY.

THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU,
REAGRDS, WILLIAM OKON (DR). 

_________________________________________________________________________

More song lyrics are slipped into Seymour's next response:

4/5/03
SUBJECT: PLS CALL ATTORNEY...

My dearest and most kind Dr. Okon,

I am filled with great sadness that I missed your
attorney's call. Did he call the floral shop, and do
you know if he spoke with Twoey? I was out on house
calls, but Audrey and Twoey should both have been
there, depending on what time the lawyer called. But
Twoey is totally unaware of our transaction, as he is
not to be trusted. Even though he helped us with the
hostile takeover bid from Mr. Mushnik, his methods are
questionable.

Audrey knows that I am involved in a lucrative foreign
investment deal, but I felt it best to conceal the
sordid details from my delicate little flower. Would
it perhaps be helpful if I send to you or to the
lawyer my cell phone number? We live in the basement
of the shop, so we do not bother with a separate land
line telephone. But I still have my cell phone from my
former business days in Chicago. I am not sure if I
can make international calls from it, so I will check
that out.

Meanwhile, please feel free to pass my email address
to the attorney you've recommended, Mr. Phillips. If
he comes highly recommended by an outstanding
individual such as yourself, I am fully confident that
he can handle this matter in an expedient and
trustworthy manner. Also, if possible, please send his
email address to me, and let me know if you need my
cell phone number.

Meanwhile, do you think I should use my existing bank
account, or would it be more prudent to open a new
account with you and I as the joint account holders? I
will do whatever is necessary to expedite matters.
Audrey and I are planning to move from the basement to
a house somewhere that's green. All we want is a
matchbox of our own and a fence of real chain link. We
need to move away from here because Audry's former
boyfriend, Oren, was very abusive. Thankfully, he
dissapeared some time ago, but we constantly fear that
he could come after her at any time. Your business
deal will give us the means to move to a place where
he cannot find us. 

__________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Okon is getting cranky and impatient:

4/7/03
SUBJECT: Respond Immediately

my dear friend,

today i have recieved your mail and honestly i must
say that my attorney would have finished everything
about the documentations before now. but, i still
think you should send to him immediately your moblie
telephone number, a working fax number and your
banking informations today, so that by tommorrow , he
will forward all the papers to you.

then, as soon as you get it, pls write an application
letter to the bank officially for the approval and
release of the money into your bank account as the
next of kin to late mr. maizel flyod. then, after that
the bank will give you further instructions to how and
when the will transfer the money and what we will need
to provide if any .

pls try to keep this confidential as not all will be
happ to see us getting this money and sharing it only
between us. finally, pls i would still advice you call
my attorney, his telephone number is :234-1-7755337.
or his email address: jphillips@lawyer.com he will be
waiting to hear from you ,

regards,
DR. WILLIAM OKON. 

_____________________________________________________________________________

Seymour points out that he hasn't heard from the
lawyer but throws in a randomly chosen L.A. bank. For
an account number, he borrows some digits from the old
tune 867-5309 Jenny. For his cell, the number of a
defunct business will do nicely. As ELO would say in
ÒCalling America,Ó Òthe phone it just rings on and on.Ó

4/7/03
SUBJECT: Re: Respond Immediately

My dearest friend Dr. Okon:

I have received no correspondence from the lawyer, so
there is no way he could have finished the
correspondence. He seems to be moving slowly in this
matter. Did you give my email address to him? If so,
rest assured that he did not contact me, and I hope he
has not told you different. I am sending him a copy of
this message by cc:, and I hope this will spur him
into action. 

Otherwise, remember that I do have a good attorney who
can handle this matter promptly and discretely for us.
Here my bank account information:
Silicon Valley Bank
10585 Santa Monica Boulevard, Suite 140
Los Angeles, CA 90025 310.475.4811
Business Checking Account #: 8675309
Account is in the names Dr. Seymour Krelbourne, Audrey
Krelbourne, and Mushnik's Floral.

My mobile phone # is: (708) 403-4353 This phone is
from our old Chicago business but I still carry and
use it for personal use, as the contract runs through
May.

I do have one concern. What nationality was Mr.
Maizel? It may be difficult to pass me off as someone
of his nationality, depending on his country of
origin. Twoey, my business partner, happens to be an
alien who does not look at all American, so if
necessary we can involve him and I can give him a
share of my funds. But he is not always trustworthy,
so that would be a last resort. Can the papers be sent
via email scan rather than fax? Unless we decide to
involve Twoey, I am leery of receiving a fax at the
store and opening the possibility that he or Audrey
would find it. I'm awaiting word from the lawyer.

Yours, Dr. S 

_____________________________________________________________________________

Oh no, the lawyer's email is non-functional!

4/7/03
SUBJECT: Failure Delivery

Message from yahoo.com. Unable to deliver message to
the following address(es).  jphillips@lawyer.com:
205.158.62.24 does not like recipient. Remote host
said: 550 jphillips@lawyer.com:  inactive user
Giving up on 205.158.62.24. 

___________________________________________________________________________

Let's have Seymour panic a bit:

4/7/03
SUBJECT: Urgent: Our Lawyer's Email is Inactive

Dr. Okon, we have a problem.

I sent our lawyer a copy of the email that I sent you
this morning, and it was returned to me saying that
his account is inactive. Is there some sort of
problem? I must confess that I was a bit worried that
our business dealing of having me claim to be an heir
could be of questionable legality, and I certainly
don't want to cause trouble at your bank. The attorney
did not contact me, so that compounded my fears. Now I
am concerned that perhaps our attorney has been
handling questionable transactions and has run afoul
of your bank and perhaps of the law. I was relying on
your assurances that he is an upstanding lawyer, but
this returned email has me worried. Have you heard
from him? Do you know if he is in trouble? Should we
abort this business deal? Please advise as soon as
possible.

Yours faithfully,
Dr. S 

___________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Okon is quick to sent reassurance:

4/7/03
SUBJECT: dont be worried my good friend...

my dear trusted friend,

pls i just got your two emails to me today and i thank
you for your fast response. i want you to stop being
afriad as i we a like brothers and there is nothing to
worry about.

all is well is just that my attorney said that the
email i gave to you is having problems for time now, i
did not know that, but he assured getting in touch
with you tomorrow after all he has called you twice
before and could not get you so why blaming him or
trying to be afraid.

About invloving another person ,pls i dont support
that idea at all , how can you bring in somebody that
is not trusted and you we are talking of money issue,
he might decid to e to elimintate us at the end and
run away with the money pls dont ry to involve him
instead i will instruct my attorney to send the
documents to you through email as attachment.

finally, my good friend, mr. maizel is from usa and i
think you need not to worry at all about what and how
the bank will be handled about your claims as the next
of kin, so that we can get the money claimed for
ourselves. I have told you all you need to do is
follow the advice our our legal attorney who will give
us every legal backings and papers even protections
until the end. Just be a good and trusted friend i
take you to be and dont try to betray the trust i have
for you. all is going to work out, pls stop being
afraid or worried , there is not going to be any
problems at all .

i am an insider in the bank to cover every claims, our
qaulified attorney of international repute is there to
protect us, so just be good and coperative all is
working , just in a few days now we will be smiling
home with the money.

pls greet audry your wife for me, by morning hours
attorney will call you on your moblie phone. and if
there is anthing he needs to talk with you as a
partner he will do so. but, pls this is his
alternative email:  jamesayophillips@lawyer.com,
telephone number:234-1-7755337 pls write or call him
now so that he will get to it first thing tommorrow
morning. take care my good friend and do not be
worried any more.

regards,
Dr. william okon. 

___________________________________________________________________________

Seymour explains his paranoia:

4/7/03
SUBJECT: RE: dont be worried my good friend...

My friendly & beloved friend Doc Okon,

Thank you for sending your reassurances. I tend to be
on the paranoid side, as I have had some legal
problems connected to the disappearance of my business
partner Mr. Mushnik and also with Audrey's former
boyfriend, Oren. Twoey took care of those matters and
ensured that the evidence was fully consumed, but
there were some inquiries that came uncomfortably
close to home. I'm sure you can understand how that
would make me a bit jumpy.

But I managed to drag myself out of that deep
fertilizer, and now I have mired myself firmly into
the compost of our current business deal. I am
anxiously awaiting its completion and the untold
riches that will transform our lives.

I tried to phone our attorney but was unable to get
through. I don't know if there is an issue with
international calling on my cell phone. But if I
cannot reach him by this evening, I hope that he will
please send the necessary documents via an attachment
so I can fill them out posthaste.

My botanical doctoring business has been good to me,
so I am not a poor man, but I'm sure you will agree
that one can never have too much money. My share of
our bodacious windfall will bring me success even
beyond my amazing botanical conquests. I am sending a
copy of this message to our good Mr. Phillips to
ensure that his alternate address is in good working
order.

Yours anxiously,
Dr. S 

___________________________________________________________________________

And now, a word from our lawyer:

4/8/03
SUBJECT: Thanks for your mail

Attn: Dr. Seymour Krelbourne

Thank you for your mail, I have tried to call you
several times but a lady normally tells me that it is
a wrong number.

I just came back from the Federal High Court where I
have procured some vital documents regarding to this
transaction, I would try to scan and send it to you
before the close of work today.

I want you to know that this transaction is going to
cost us some money and time and I want you to also to
bear it in mind that communication or information is
vital so from time to time, you need to call me as
your lawyer. I hope to have a fruitful working
relationship with you.

In order for us to achieve success, I need your
maximum cooperation. This is my private number
234-1-7755337 Waiting for your response.

Regards
Barrister James Phillips 

___________________________________________________________________________

Who is the phantom woman answering a defunct phone
number? Maybe it's that ditzy Audrey.

4/8/03
SUBJECT: RE: Thanks for your mail

My dear kind sir Mr. Phillips,

It is good to hear from you! When the email address
originally given to me by my illustrious partner Dr.
Okon was inactive, I feared that bad times might have
befallen you. But I am pleased to see that we are on
track towards completing this most lucrative business
deal.

I must say that I am a bit concerned at your
difficulty in reaching me by phone. Did the lady say
her name was Audrey? My lovely wife is not fully
informed as to the extent of his deal. She is a sweet
woman but she is the poster child for dumb blondes.
Her former boyfriend Oren used to slap her around
quite a bit, and she fell off his motorcycle several
times, so perhaps there is some residual brain damage.
But Oren was also a dentist, so at least she has the
most lovely mouth of teeth that you ever laid eyes on,
as he would replace any that he knocked out with a
top-quality cap.

I am most anxious to receive the documents, as it
sounds as though we are well on the way to a
pleasingly fattened bank account. Although I have not
discussed your retainer fee with my partner, the good
Dr. Okon, my assumption is that you are working on a
contingency basis, with liability for the fee divided
between us based on our respective percentages of the
windfall.

I am sending him a copy of this correspondence so he
can correct me if I am mistaken, but I would imagine
that's a standard practice in your country as it is in
the U.S. Speaking of the legal fees, when you forward
the documents, could you please send an itemized list
of the expected expenses? This will be most helpful in
my budgeting.

Very sincerely yours,
Dr. Seymour Krelbourne 

___________________________________________________________________________

Interestingly, our illustrious lawyer's email address
has changed again, this time to a Yahoo account. Oh
well, at least he sent some cool looking document
forgery scan attachments (a death certificate and a
bank account statement).

4/8/03
SUBJECT: Documents

Attn: Dr. Seymour Krelbourne

I just got your mail and I want to know if you are
really serious about helping Mr. Okon.

The documents from the court we could not get today as
there was a fee that I had to pay and could not raise
it today but would go back for it tomoroow.
I have included the statement of account and death
certificate for your perusal.

I tried the phone number again and it rang with no one
picking it up.
I hope to hear from you.

Regards
Barrister James Phillips

___________________________________________________________________________

Seymour responds to the lawyer:

4/8/03
SUBJECT: RE: Documents

Dear Mr. Phillips:

Thank you so much for sending the documents. Seeing
the actual information and documentation of this deal
has given rise to massive excitement.

I have been out on calls today dealing with some
serious emergencies at a local greenhouse. Their
temperature gauge went fritzo, putting my poor
patients into shock and heat stroke. I was very busy
performing first aids and did not have my cell phone.

I am of course most interested in moving forward with
this business. I am at your disposal in this matter.
Just let me know what you need. I sent my bank account
information to our compatriot Dr. Okon so I am
zealously awaiting the transfer and will do whatever
is needed to expedite it.

I see that this has come from a new email address. Is
this the address I should use in the future, and have
you passed it along to Dr. Okon? It must be difficult
to notify your clients with the frequent changes.

Yours,
Dr. Krelbourne. 


___________________________________________________________________________

Little Shop of Scammers, Part 2

___________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Okon checks in:

4/8/03
SUBJECT: did you get the papers...

my dear friend,

how are you today, i hope all is well with you. i have
been told by the attorney that he sent out to you the
papers today. did you get them?. pls if you do, i
advice that you should forward immediately an
application letter to the bank officially and make
sure you copy it to me for my record purposes. 

As fast as you can do this, the bank management will
give direct there director of international
remiittance to handle the processing of our payment
especially to you as next of kin to late mr. flyod
maizel. of usa. After that they will issue to you a
text application form in which you will fill in and
return to it to them for onward and final processing
of your release approved money. Until then, like they
attorney said, we need to conclude how much we pay him
now to retain him in our services. Becuase i only
payed him just consultation fee to help us get the
papers for you.

You know attorney,s, he is now complaining that we
come up with paying him for his proffessional charges
to enable him discharge his assignment well and go get
other legal back ups. So my dear friend, i will most
appreciate your understanding of this vital issue of
settling the attorney to give us the best. i therefore
look forward to hear from you, how we can agree
between us as partners to settle the attorney,s
proffessional fee.

please greet audrey for me. your mobile number is
giving problems to reach you, each time the attorney
tries it will be ringing nobody to pick it why?.
please do something to give me or the attorney a good
working number where we can always get it you without
problems.

finally, i think you can also call the attoney since
he can not reach you, or myself as you have our
numbers.

thank you and god bless you,
your good friend,
william okon. 

___________________________________________________________________________

Seymour notices a website address on the Òbank
statementÓ scan, which inspires him to poke around on
the internet:

4/8/03
SUBJECT: Yes, I got the papers

My dearest friend and fellow partner in riches, Indeed
I received the papers and am awash in a wave of
excitement at our pending financial windfall. Seeing
the bank statement has led me to even greater
anticipation of the money that will soon be coming our
way.

When you have tried to call me, does the phone ring or
does it not connect or give you a recording? I will
check with my company to ensure that I can receive
international calls. I don't know how it is in your
country, but over here cell phone services sucks the
big horse dong. Please forgive me for my frank and
explicit language, but as you can tell, I have
suffered for years with the travails of spotty cell
phone service. I will be most displeased if their
incompetence costs me such a lucrative deal. I will
contact them as soon as I send this email to rip them
a new one.

Meanwhile, I am anxious to submit the letter to the
bank. I was going to send it via their website, but
the URL listed on the bank statement
(www.metropolitanbanklimited.com) says that it is
under construction. Is that the correct URL? Or should
I simply send the letter through postal mail? The
address is 24 kiowu Taylor Street, Victoria Street,
Lagos, Nigeria, correct? Should I send it certified,
and is there any postal code? Or perhaps would Federal
Express be best to expedite this important matter?

I hope you have assured Mr. Phillips that he will be
well compensated for his assistance in this matter. I
asked that he itemize his fee, which I assume that we
will share in the same percentage that we are
splitting the money. And perhaps if he does well for
us, we should throw in a bit extra as a special
reward. After all, we will certainly be able to afford
it.

Please let me know the best method to submit my claim
to the bank so we can rush forward willy nilly into
the world of fabulous wealth. Perhaps you can come and
visit Audrey and I here in beautiful California if you
should ever wish to travel abroad. If you should
choose to settle here, a botanical doctor such as
myself could most likely use a man with similar
talents and trustworthiness in his business.

Yours in prosperity,
Dr. S 

___________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Okon blows off the non-existent website:

4/8/03
SUBJECT: respond urgently

my dear good firend,

pls i got your mail and i am most excited to have you
as a partner in progress. well, the best to send your
letter of cliams to the bank is through there fax
number , i believe it is there, so do that immediately
to enhance our timely process of getting of the money
fast. again, about the attorney,s professional fee, i
think you write him to find out how much it is or
empower me to do so, perhaps we share between
ourselves to pay him up after all he is doing a good
job for us protecting our interest and other legal
back ups. i await your kind and speedy response to
help us roll to the concluding end of this transaction
and smile home with our money.

thank you and god bless you ,
regards,

william. okon (Dr.). Ð 

___________________________________________________________________________

The lawyer weighs in (cool phony court document is
attached, declaring Seymour as the next of kin of the
unfortunate Flyod).

4/9/03
SUBJECT: Re: Documents

Attn: Dr. Seymour Krelbourne 
With regards to your reply, I have gotten the
necessary documents from the Federal High Court,
please go through them in order for us to proceed. 
As I said, do call me as soon as you have gone through
them, my number is 234-1-7755337. 

Regards 

James Phillips 

___________________________________________________________________________

If you've seen ÒLittle Shop of Horrors,Ó you know that
Seymour is a bumbler. Let's have him throw a monkey
wrench into the plans by doing a bit of research into
the bank.

4/9/03
SUBJECT: Re: Respond Urgently

Good morning!

I prefer to send the claim form electronically, as it
will arouse Twoey's suspicions if he sees faxes to
foreign phone numbers on the shop's phone bill.

Since the bank's website was not working, I did an
internet search and found information and an alternate
website address. I am confident it is the same bank,
as the address is the same as the account statement. I
phoned them and explained the situation (not using any
names, of course), asking for the proper procedure and
whether I could submit the form electronically and
where I could access it.

But the person I spoke with was very rude. I did not
understand everything they said, but they called me a
"dumb American" and said I was getting involved in
things I should not. They would not give me any
information on the proper procedures, so I'm afraid it
was a wasted phone call.

Should I be worried about this? I don't want to get
you in trouble at your bank. I hope that all of your
countrymen are not so rude or anti-American!

I will ask Mr. Phillips about his fees again. I asked
him for an itemization in an earlier email, but he did
not respond to that specific query. And you did not
respond to my proposal that we split his fees at the
same percentages that we are splitting our newfound
wealth, perhaps with a bit of a bonus fee for him for
doing such a good job. I will be writing to him this
morning as well.

Your partner,
Dr. S. 

___________________________________________________________________________

Also from Seymour (this time to the lawyer):

4/9/03
SUBJECT: Re: Documents

My dear Mr. Phillips,

I must say that I am most impressed by your hard work
and the excellent progress you have made on this
important matter. I have viewed the document and am
ready to proceed. Just let me know what to do.

Also, I previously requested an itemization of the
probable costs involved. Please forward that to myself
and/or Dr. Okon so we can be prepared to compensate
you for your excellent work. I would prefer that you
send instructions via email.

I called the bank and was treated very rudely. I
cannot risk another international phone call from my
store, as my partner Twoey will become suspicious if
he sees it on the phone bill. I'm not even sure how I
will explain the call I just made, and it accomplished
nothing but verbal abuse and being called a dumb
American.

I am trying to get international dialing enabled on my
cell phone, but knowing their lousy customer service,
that will take a while. I eagerly await your
instructions.

Yours,
Dr. S 

___________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Okon is NOT pleased that our hero Seymour has been
snooping around. He adds some phony details to the
story of Seymour's phony phone call:

4/9/03
SUBJECT: Pls you must be careful with your attitude

my dear good friend,

please it is important that i make this clear to you
before you spoil the whole business or put me into
trouble in our bank. please i adviced you to send the
letter of claims through fax and you went on your own
to make a call without my advice and knowledge. please
you must not make such steps any longer, because the
bank secectary who answered your call reported such
unknown persons call from usa, fortunately the report
came to my office, so i had to cover it up otherwise
the bank management will start suspecting our claims,
so please dont make steps outside my knowledge and
advice.

again, since you think it will be conducive for you to
send the letter through electronic because of troewy,
no problems,but address it officially to the director
of claims, metropolitan bank ltd, lagos nigeria.
please be warned not to use any other website you said
you discovered from search please.
my friend stop doing any further search that will
jeopardize this business, you may expose us to dangers
by your search, you may put me into trouble. the bank
official website is under construction and the bank
has no other website, please be careful with that you
said look like the bank own. i wor with the bank i
will give you all inside informations you need for the
bank, so always inform me before you do in thing on
this issue or have you forgetting the confidentiality
involved.

For you information, this is the official telephone
number of the bank:234-803-3012617 and fax
number:234-1-7599424. you can only call them when you
have submitted your letter of claims , it only then
that the bank can indentify you and entertain your
calls as somebody the have business with. 

About barrister james phillips charges, though i have
not seen him for some days because i told him not to
show up in our bank so that he wont raise suspicion in
the bank over this . but i discussed with him over the
telephone and he conviently informed me that his
balance of fee is $1,300 (one thousand three hundred
dollar) and that he will be looking forward for us to
pay him this to enable him complete his legal
arrangement on this business.

I assured him that i and you as partners are working
it out to make sure we come up with his payment
possibly before the week runs off. So, i think based
on how we share the windfall, i will make my own share
of his money available immediately, so please i think
as a learned fellow, you can easily know what is
expected of your share. please do make immediate
available your own money so that we can send it to him
for his payment to help him complete his work,
otherwise he may be delaying us.

Finally, please make sure you stop calling that number
so that you wont spoil our windfall. only send the
letter through electronic as i have directed you
above. And you have my number why did you not call
first before calling that implicating number. please
stop any further calls or search that you think could
be like that of the bank. you must enquire from me
first before doing anything as far as this business is
concern. expecting to hear from you soonest.

thank you and god bless you,
regards, william okon (Dr). 

___________________________________________________________________________

Seymour is contrite, but can't help throwing in a few
more details. The bank appears to be real, although
its information bears no relation to that which Dr.
Okon has provided. The name of the bank officer is
real, gleaned through a web search. There's a song
lyric reference in this email too.

4/9/03
SUBJECT: Re: Pls you must be careful with your
attitude

My illustrious and esteemed Dr. Okon,

I am so pleased that the report of my call landed in
your office. Although I did not mention any names, I
was shocked and appalled at the attitudes and the
ridicule to which I was subjected during my call. I
can just imagine the horror that would befall you if
our deal were discovered.

In my internet search, I found a photo of a Mr. Muyiwa
Bakare, who apparently is your Managing Director and
Chief Executive, and he looks like a most shady
character. Is he your boss? Is he as cruel as he
looks? My heart goes out to you for being forced to
work in such a cut-throat environment, but once our
deal completes, I am sure it will free you to a life
of leisure.

Remember, the offer in my previous email still stands.
I can always use a man of your knowledge and integrity
to work in my business if you should ever consider
relocating to California. Be assured that in the
future I shall adhere to your instructions.

My ill fated conversation with the bank showed me that
you are protecting me and that I should rely on your
expertise. Sometimes I can be a bit of a bumbler (Mr.
Mushnik used to be fond of calling me a slob), but I
have faith that the meek shall inherit, and in this
case it is certainly literally true! 

Regarding the fees for Mr. Phillips, $1300 sounds
exceptionally reasonable for the valuable services he
is performing. Please take whatever is necessary from
my share of the funds to ensure that this matter
continues to move smoothly.

To what email address shall I send my letter of claim?
Or shall I send it to you so you can forward it on?
The website contained an address for Mr. Bakare, but I
certainly don't want to send it to him! Please let me
know and I will send it posthaste.

Your sincere and woodily excited partner, Dr. S 

___________________________________________________________________________

Seymour has been playing dumb about the subtle hints
that money is needed. Now Dr. Okon gets more explicit:

4/9/03
SUBJECT: money cannot be spend now.....

my dear friend,

thank you for your kind understanding about the whole
thing i explained to you, please dont make any further
contact with any person or institution that i do not
recommend to you. please, still use this email address
as it is the official bank email address, but address
your letter to the director claims department, mr.
egobia duke.

About the attorney,s fee, please i want you to know
that there is no way i can lay my handes on the money
now until it is transfered to your account , it is
only then that we can begin to spend money from from
it. For now all expenses will come from our purse. So
i think you should understand this better. The money
is still in the bank vault and yet our own until you
aplly and it gets approved and transfered into your
account as cash.

Please there is no way paying the attorney now can
come from the money, i there beg you to look for money
and send to him as your own share of his charges,
while i also send out mine to him too to make it up.
So please work out your own percentage and make sure
you send it out to him, to enable him discharge his
legal duties unless you would want him to delay our
transactions, because evry arrangement is being
carried out by him since i dont want the bank
management to no my involvement to also give you a
good cover up and i am sure he is doing it well. I
therefore believe you will hasten up this week to send
to him your own part of his fees, i will also give him
mine own too.

Finally do be fast to also send the letter to the bank
as i have instructed you above. 

thank you and greet audley for me,

regards,
william okon (Dr). 

___________________________________________________________________________

Seymour plays a willing victim:

4/9/03
SUBJECT: money cannot be spend now.....

Hello again dearest Dr. Okon,

At the end of this email, I am attaching my claim
letter. Please let me know if it is sufficient.

As for Mr. Phillips's fee, I have calculated that 27
pecent of $1300 would be $351. Do you know if a
certified check would be acceptable? Would it be best
to send it via Federal Express? I would be leery of
sending it via postal mail because I would want to be
able to track it. $351 may sound like a small sum
compared to the millions that will soon be ours, but I
want to ensure that it makes its way safely. Do you
have his address, or should I contact him directly
about the arrangements?

The joy is tingling from my head down to my tippie
toes at the thought of the imminent conclusion of this
deal. I have not given Audrey any details, but she
does know that soon we will be filthy stinking rich
thanks to a lucrative foreign deal. I have convinced
her that I will be the exclusive distributor of a
weird and exotic new plant variety that will sell like
hotcakes. I have assured her that all of the
"Beautiful People" here in Los Angeles will have to
have one and will be willing to pay thousands to be
one of the first. That way, she won't be suspicious
when we're suddenly sleeping on a pile of cash. 

I have passed your kind greetings along to her (I
convinced her that you are the scientist who invented
the new plant through a combination of gene splicing
and prudently applied radiation).

Here is the claim letter:

April 9, 2003
To: Mr. Egobia Duke, Director of Claims

Please be advised that I wish to claim the assets of
my late relative, Mr. Floyd Maizel. I am his only
living relative and, as such, have full rights to
claim any assets and property in his name. I have
retained Mr. James Phillips as my attorney to
represent me in this matter, and he is in possession
of the necessary documents (account information, death
certificate, etc.) Please cooperate with him in the
transfer of Mr. Maizel's funds.

The funds can be transferred to the following account:
Silicon Valley Bank
10585 Santa Monica Boulevard, Suite 140
Los Angeles, CA 90025 310.475.4811
Business Checking Account #: 8675309

Account is in the names Dr. Seymour Krelbourne, Audrey
Krelbourne, and Mushnik's Floral.

If you need any further information, please feel free
to contact me or to call Mr. Phillips at
234-1-7755337.

Very sincerely yours,
Dr. Seymour Krelbourne
Botanical Physician 

___________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Okon senses that the fish is taking the bait:

04/9/03
SUBJECT: please try to send out mr. phillips money.

my dear friend,

thank you for your immense response , honestly i am
very much happy to 
associate with such a nice man like.

i believe in the nearest future, we will be living as
millionires in 
your country , but please still remember the trust i
have for you as soon 
as the money gets into your bank account. 
With your good advice we shall be into any good
business that will 
fetch us good returns as investment we the money gets
to your bank account.

For now, i think mr. phillips has a way of recieving
money wich he 
informed me is reliable and convinient for him.

Ever since his legal backing in this business he has
been busy as such 
suggest that we use western union money transfer to
send out your own 
share of this fee to him through his chambers
secectary for privacy and 
security.

This is the informations he gave me you should use to
send out the 
money below:

obinna leonard anonye
lagos, nigeria.
test question: who is obinna
answer: secectary.

Please look for any western union money transfer agent
nearest you and 
send out the money through them .but remember you must
not disclose 
this business to anybody.
As soon as you send it out please make sure you email
to him the 
control number and other informations to inable him
get the money here and 
also copy the mail to me to help me update my records.

I have recieved the letter of claims and it is very
good, i shall 
direct it to the appropriate director for necessary
actions , possibly 
before the week runs off the will give you further
reply, but that has to be 
neceassary if we you can send out mr. phillips money
to him immediately 
because the will demand him to come and sign some
papers on your behalf 
and i know unless he is payed he cannot do that on
further credit, so 
please we must be fast to send out his money to him
immediately.

i am  very optimistic that in a very few days we shall
be smiling home 
with this windfall.

i look forward to hear from you soonsest and please
give me your 
working and functional telephone number because at
this stage the bank might 
require to speak with for confirmations.

thank you my good friend, 

regards,

william okon (Dr).

___________________________________________________________________________

Seymour dutifully plays along:

04/10/03
SUBJECT: RE: please try to send out mr. phillips
money.

My bestest friend Dr. Okon,
Thank you for  sending the payment information. I will
take care of the transfer this morning. It is probably
best that the bank not contact me at the store, as I
will be out most of the day and Twoey will be there.
With our transaction so close to completion, we don't
want to get him involved. I will visit the cell phone
company this morning to ensure that I can receive
international calls.
I must run now, as I need to locate a Western Union
office. I will send the information as soon as I send
the cash.
Expectantly yours,
Dr. S

___________________________________________________________________________

Let's rattle Dr. Okon's cage a bit and pretend that
Western Union is catching on to the scammers:

04/10/03
SUBJECT: Western Union Problem!!!

Dr. Okon, I am most distressed. There is a big problem
with Western Union!
I went to the office of Popular Cash Express at 334 S.
Broadway here in Los Angeles. When I told them I was
making a transfer to Lagos, Nigeria, they refused to
handle the transaction. They said that Western Union
has received numerous complaints from people sending
money to Lagos who have fallen prey to scams.

I tried to explain that this was an important and
legitimate business deal, being conducted with
professionals who are trustworthy and beyond reproach.
When the clerk would not handle this, I demanded to
see the manager, but he refused as well. The manager
told me I should speak with the FBI or the
Secret Service to confirm the validity of our deal.

For obvious reasons, I do not want to involve these
agencies. I do not want to be liable for income tax,
and of course I imagine it's a grey area to be
claiming these funds, so it's best kept between you,
me, and our attorney.

In order to expedite this matter and ensure that Mr.
Phillips gets his funds, I think a certified check
might be a better option. I do not have to tell the
bank where it is being sent, as it is none of their
business. Please advise me if this is feasible or if
you can suggest any alternatives. Sending via Federal
Express would hasten receipt of the funds.

Yours worryingly,
Dr. S

___________________________________________________________________________

The lawyer checks in:

4/10/03
SUBJECT: RE: Thanks for your mail.

Attn: Dr. Seymour Krelbourne

I would advice you send the money through western
union money transfer as the means of sending it
through post is not guaranteed and might be lost in
transits or out rightly stolen.

Let me know as soon as you have don so.

Regards

James Phillips

___________________________________________________________________________
Seymour warns the lawyer about the problem:

4/10/03

SUBJECT: RE: Thanks for your mail.

My good Mr. Phillips, I tried to send the money via
Western Union this morning, and there was a big
problem! Below is a copy of the message I sent to Dr.
Okon, which explains the situation: 

(Copy of last email to Dr. Okon was inserted here)

___________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Okon is full of reassurances, as well as an
alternate plan:

4/10/03
SUBJECT: RE: Western Union Problem!!!

my dear friend,

please i got your mail and infact i am most disturbed
by your 
explanations about the attitude of western union agent
in your country.

please for confidential reasons i like the way you
kept it secret, 
please continue not to disclose it to anybody because
some people are 
enemies of progress and more in particular usa
government has a way of 
trying to get people pay for tax, please you most not
reveal it to any 
authority so that we dont pay huge tax to government
and you know what that 
means.

i therefore advice that you send the money since it is
too small 
through  COURIER COMPANY like DHL, I TOLD MR. PHILLIPS
THE PROBLEMS YOU ARE 
FACING IN TRYING TO SEND THE MONEY. He advice you
should use this name 
and his home address:
MR. EGOBIA DUKE
24 AJE STREET, ILASAMAJA
LAGOS , NIGERIA

that is his home address and the name is his personal
assistant, i am very sure this way he will recieve the
money fast.

Therefore my good friend go immediately to send it out
through DHL OR FEDERAL EXPRESS COURIER and please make
sure you package the money well before sending it and
dont let them know exectly you are sending out money
so that we shall maintain the confidentiality
especially as our business is coming to an end.

So post it and write me immediately to tell how you
did. Finaly i have forwarded the letter of claims to
the appriopate  authority in the bank and they are
working on it, they will write you soonset the are
through with there processing.

thank you for your good coperation,

greet audrey for me.

regards,

william okon (DR).

___________________________________________________________________________

Seymour agrees to the alternate plan. Just for fun, he
also dangles the offer of a gift.

4/10/03
SUBJECT: RE: Western Union Problem!!!

My good Dr. Okon,
A courier should be fine. I definitely won't tell them
that I am sending money, as it is none of their
business!

You mention packing the money well. Are you thinking
that I should send cash instead of a certified check?
I can send the cash if Mr. Phillips might have trouble
cashing a foreign check. Please let me know, and if
cash is your preference, do you prefer small bills
like twenties?

Also, do you think I should include anything else in
the package to throw off suspicions? I can send a
gift-type item and list the contents of the package as
a birthday gift. Even if I send a check, concealing it
in some item would probably be a good idea. I don't
know how much scrutiny foreign packages go through
these days, especially with the war and foreign
events. Maybe that is why Western Union is so
paranoid.

Please let me know your preference so I can dispatch
the package posthaste.

Yours in prosperity,
Dr. S

___________________________________________________________________________

The jackal smells blood. Note that Dr. Okon appeals to
Seymour's greed to help reel him in by alluding to a
larger percentage of the spoils:

4/10/03
SUBJECT: RE: Western Union Problem!!!

my dear good friend,

thank you so much for friendly response, by all this i
have now more stronger trust in your person and i will
make everything possible to even reward you ore than i
promise you.

please i advice you can buy a mobile phone and mark it
as gift item to him, but try to buy samsung tru eye
blue face type of handset. because samsung has a free
sample passage of percel through our airport. please
do that immediately, yes the recent war is causing
suspicion and doubts especially in usa and its allied
counties.

Please make the money in $20 0r $50 bill , fold it
well inside the handset and then write him or myself
to tell me how and where you hide it. i am waiting now
for your kind reply,

thank my good friend,
regards,
william okon (okon). 

___________________________________________________________________________

With a payoff in sight, Dr. Okon sends another message
before Seymour can respond:

4/11/03
SUBJECT: PLS REPLY ASAP...

my dear good friend,

how are you today, hope you and audry are doing well.

please i just want to know how far you have been able
to follow the despatch of the parcel. i hope you did
follow my advice, because mr. phillips is waiting to
hear from. please, you have to be fast so that mr.
phillips can get the other vital papers for bank
verifications on your behalf.

The director claims would like to speak with you for
confirmation puposes before he can endorse his
signature for onward approvals. please try to get a
funactional phone number where emergencies like this
can be related to you privately. or do you suggest mr.
phillips speaks with him on your brhalf ?, please
advice.

Finaly, i am most happy to re-assure you that i have a
full confident in you as my partner and look forward
to seeing you and your lovely audry. Reply asap,or
call me or phillips, have a nice weekend,

regards,
william okon (Dr).

___________________________________________________________________________

The scam is doomed to failure, but Seymour has to
tease Dr. Okon one more time before burning the
transaction. More song lyrics included:

4/11/03
SUBJECT: RE: PLS REPLY ASAP...

Good morning!

I spoke with the courier companies to get rates and
information, and unlike Western Union, they were most
helpful and cooperative. I am getting the cell phone
today and will also speak with them about ensuring
that international calling/receiving calls is
functional on my phone.

Meanwhile, please ask Mr. Phillips to handle any
necessary representation on my behalf in dealing with
the director of claims. His rates seem most reasonable
(especially compared to the money grubbing lawyers
here in the U.S.), so if it incurs any additional
expense for addition time and work on his part, I will
ensure that he is well compensated.

Your offer in your previous email of additional money
is most kind, but I will have more than enough for a
comfortable life with the originally agreed on
percentage. But if you wish to do anything of that
nature, I will forward any additional money to the
Skid Row Home for Boys. That is where I lived until
Mr. Mushnik took me in. He gave me floors to sweep,
toilets to clean, and every other Sunday off. It was
hard work, but it taught me good character, and now I
have inherited his store and also have my thriving
botanical medical practice. I credit my success
directly to the opportunities given to me, and I would
like to ensure that other youngsters have the same
chance.

It is still early here, as I like privacy when writing
about our business deal. But this morning I will be
getting the phone before I go out on my house calls
and then prepare it with the funds. I don't think you
expressed a preference between a certified check or
cash, so I will do cash as I know that is negotiable
anywhere. I don't want a foreign check to cause delays
in our deal when it is so close to completion. I will
update you when the gift is in its way.

Yours as always,
Seymour 

___________________________________________________________________________

All good things must come to an end, including Dr.
Okon's hopes of getting any money out of Seymour. More
song lyrics included:

4/11/03
SUBJECT: URGENT!!! ABORT PLANS!!!

Dr. Okon,

it is urgent that we abort and abandon our plans!
Beware of problems at the bank! Twoey called the bank.
That nosey bastard handles our bills and checked the
phone bill online. I had called the bank from our
store phone, and when Twoey saw an international call,
he freaked out. I hadn't told him anything about our
dealings, so he didn't know why anyone would be
calling Nigeria. Apparently he called the phone
company and they insisted the call was placed from
Mushnik's. So he called the number to see who it was.
Thankfully he doesn't know your name or anything about
what was going on. He demanded information from him,
and of course the didn't know what he was talking
about.

He confronted me this morning, and it didn't help that
I was "preparing" the cell phone when he barged in. Of
course I refused to tell him what's going on, but his
knowledge and contact with the bank has endangered our
whole enterprise. He's a mean green mother who turns
our store into a little shop of horrors.

I have deleted all of our correspondence from my email
and have destroyed my printouts of the documents so
the nosy bastard can't get any more information. It is
driving him crazy to know why I was inserting money
into a phone, but I'll never tell him and I've denied
all knowledge of the call.

I'm sure you won't have problems finding someone else
to complete the transaction, since it is well on its
way. It breaks my heart to think that Twoey has cost
me a fortune, but I can't risk problems with the law
myself as my medical practice is already questionable.
It thrives thanks to the open mindedness of the
California culture, but I can't afford close
scrutinty. And I'm sure it will be difficult enough
for you to explain Twoey's ranting call. I'm sure that
two strange calls from California in one week has set
off some alarm bells.

You have a lot more at stake than I do, so you must be
protected and prevented from having trouble. I will
pretend that our discussions and transactions never
took place.

Regretfully,
Dr. S 

___________________________________________________________________________

The prospect of losing when he thought he was so close
has driven Dr. Okon to insulting Seymour's manhood in
the subject line of the email:

4/11/03
SUBJECT: be a man...

my dear friend,

i am very much worried and infact not comprehending
actually what you are telling me.

trowey, cannot stop you nor myself from concluding
this transaction. the only thing is that we should
only be careful with communications. and i think you
caused it because you went and placed a phone call
from your joint company giving him room to suspect
you.

however, his suspicion cannot stop you, i will cover
everything up here, just keep your side tight and
remain cool. stop being curios this i have told you
before.

please, just go ahead and send out the money through
the courier company including it as gift and remember
to make sure you hide the money well inside the phone.

i assure you i and phillips will make sure we protect
you fro trowey,s ranting behaviour.

Dont think of stoping half way, remember i have taking
you into confidence, if it is not you , i dont think i
can find someone to trust like you.

My advice to you is that you stop using any
communications facility that belongs to you and trowey
so that he wont have any room to follow up our deal .

please , i have already submitted your name and
informations to the claims department and all
processing regarding to transfers has been in progress
and it will not be far to stop me half way.

mr. phillips has equally made show up to the bank on
your behalf so why can you stop him, already we have
promised to pay him and as a lawyer he has sign an
agreement with us, so how am doing all this.

i look forward to hear your speedy response and pls
tell me how you send out the package.

thank you ,

regards,

william okon (Dr).

___________________________________________________________________________

Seymour is still afraid of the mean green mother,
despite Dr. Okon's assurances of protection. Obviously
he didn't see the movie or he would know a little more
about Mr. Mushnik and Oren's fates:

4/11/03
SUBJECT: RE: be a man...

My dear Dr. Okon,

I think you do not understand about Twoey. He is good
at business but also very dangerous and controlling.
It was through his assistance that I came into
possession of Mushnik's, and Audrey is also in debt to
him because of his assistance in dispatching Oren, her
abusive former boyfriend. But I am afraid that I have
guilty knowledge in both of those situations, and he
uses it against me.

I have enjoyed success in business with his
assistance, but at a very steep price. I suspect that
he might have forced Audrey to tell him what she
knows. Of course, she believed that I am engaged in a
horticultural transaction so he does not have any
incriminating information. But I'm afraid that I have
too much at stake because Twoey has not morals and is
not beyond blackmail if he believes that I was
planning to make a business deal behind his back.

I guess that some things are not meant to be. I hope
that the funds are your ticket to a better life, but I
believe that I am fated to remain in this business
with Twoey.

Perhaps someday I will find someone who can take care
of him and eliminate him as a problem like the ugly
weed he is. I know I shouldn't say that, but I feel
that I can trust you as you have trusted me and you
know how much he has cost me in forcing me to pull out
of our deal. I am deleting your message as soon as I
hit "send" so he is not able to get your information.
I destroyed all of my printouts and our previous
correspondence so there is nothing he can find.

Dr. S

___________________________________________________________________________

Sheesh, these guys don't give up easily! Now Dr. Okon
is ready to cut Twoey in:

4/11/03
SUBJECT: RE: be a man...

my dear friend, in that case why dont we involve him
in this lucrative business. and can you still lend my
supporting hand?

i am waiting and hanging around my computer to wait
for your speedy response. 

regards,
william 

___________________________________________________________________________

Seymour cannot be enticed (more song lyrics thrown
in):

4/11/03
SUBJECT: RE: be a man...

My excellent friend,

I am most impressed by your wanting to find a way that
I can share in this windfall. It has been a most busy
day, as I started my work late due to the falling out
with Twoey which caused some problems at the shop. But
with Twoey, you don't know what you're messing with.
You have no idea! He is NOT to be trusted, because
once he knows about something you've done that needs
to be kept private, he will use it as leverage to
maintain control and keep you ensnared in his clinging
vines. When we were first planning this transaction, I
considered convincing you to include him because I
thought that if we did that upfront, there would be no
risk of his finding out later. But if he finds out
that I was trying to keep this from him, his reaction
will not be pleasant. He knows too much already, but I
am sticking to the story of a distribution deal with a
botanist that fell through. That will be best for all
of us.

Good luck to you in this endeavor. It's a once in a
lifetime stroke of luck to have an opportunity to come
into so much money, but for me it won't be worth it if
it binds me to Twoey even more than I already am.

Regretfully,
Dr. S 

___________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Okon still hasn't given up:

4/12/03
SUBJECT: decide now pls...

my dear friend,

i acnnot understand your true position and exactly
what you is your finaly decision. pls tell me if you
are still interested to do this business with me.
Again, are still sending out the money to mr.
phillips?. make everything clear, time is not on my
side. i am tired of all this story of trowey. we are
talking of millions of dollars, i hope you know that.
i am waiting, so that i can act fast before it is too
late for me.

thank you,
williams. 


Seymour spells it out again. Doesn't Dr. Okon
understand that Seymour is giving up millions just to
protect him? Maybe he should just say, ÒYou're ben
scammed, you stupid mugu!Ó:

___________________________________________________________________________

4/12/03
SUBJECT: RE: decide now pls...

My good friend Dr. Okon,

As much as I am sorely tempted to proceed with our
deal, I am afraid that I cannot. It is for my
protection and also for yours, as I am impressed with
your extraordinary generosity and have come to admire
you as a friend. I do not wish you to come to harm or
to have your job endangered because you put your trust
in someone with a vindictive business partner.

While I am dazzled by the idea of being a millionaire,
the money would be worthless to me if I wind up in
jail. If Twoey finds out the specifics of our deal and
realizes that I would have become fabulously rich
without cutting him in, he would not hesitate to do
anything in his power to get revenge. As I mentioned
before, he has information that could implicate me in
two suspicious disapearances. And since what I am
doing in claiming to be the next of kin to a person
I've never met is probably not legal either, I'm sure
he would use that as additional leverage.

Twoey came in when I was concealing the money in the
cell phone in preparation for shipping it, so he knows
something suspicious is going on. I would not explain,
as he would most certainly contact your superiors at
the bank and cause trouble for you, too, if I did. He
did call the number on our phone bill, but since he
did not have any names or information, I am hoping
that you did not have any further trouble like you did
when I called. Since he didn't know anything,
hopefully they simply thought he was a raving lunatic.

My friend, good luck to you as I'm sure you will have
no troubles finding a partner who is unencumbered by
the difficulties that I face. But I'm sure you
understand now why it would endanger both of us to
continue in this business together.

Dr. S


------------------------------------------------------------------

Curtain Call?

Says our dear Dr. Krelbourne -
A few days after I sent everything along, I received 
the message below.  I guess they wanted to check one 
more time to make sure the well was dry.

------------------------------------------------------------------

--- James Phillips [jamesphillips01@yahoo.com] wrote:

Attn: Dr. Seymour Krelbourne  I write to inform you
that for quit a while now, I have not heard from
either you or okon about my professional legal fees,
I would be forced to drop my service and the meeting
with the bank if I do not hear from either of you. I
await your urgent response  Regards Barrister James
Phillips