27h Bao Feng Mansion,
299 Jingjiang Road,
Shanghai China
www.cmiec.com
Dear Sir/Madam,
We are co-operation who deal on raw materials and export into europe,canada & america. We are searching for representatives who can help us establish a medium of getting to our costumers in america and europe as well as making payments through you to us. Please if you are interested in transacting business with us we will be very glad, Please contact us for more information. Subject to your satisfaction you will be given the opportunity to negotiate your mode of which we will pay for your services as our presentative in america/europe. Please if you are interested forward to us your phone number and your full contact addresses to this company.
Thank you,
Vice President
Mr chu ping
chu_ping@mail2hongkong.com
J. KNOXVILLE
Jan. 24
Dude,
What kinda payments are we talkin' about?
Johnny Knoxville
CHU
Received: from [213.255.194.27] [Systemplus Ltd. in Nigeria.]
Date: Mon, 24 Jan 2005
Dear Sir,
I am very happy to write you this mail.As part of our company policy we are fully obliged towards ensuring that our various representatives are fully briefed about the nature of job which we are offering to well meaning individuals.
With this i will start by saying that,i commend your effort and regards which you have shown.So also,i will like to inform you that our organization is ready to ensure that you are furnished with necessary support and information,geared towards ensuring a viable working relationship.
I start first by introducing our company ALPHA MATRIX GROUP OF COMPANY.We are a registered company with over 7 branches across Asia.We are specialized in the importation and exportation of raw materials,ranging from Agricultural products,Agro-chemicals and solid minerals.We also do training of staffs and rendering well meaning services.
We over the years have had a good market for our products,which range from cereals,latex,wofam,precious stones,palm products.We have resolved over the years to employ meaningful strategies to achieve a very outstanding result in the area of marketing.And also get our products overseas without hitches.With our efficient team of workers and various outlets working effortlessly round the clock.We have been able to export products to Europe and America.
We have recently come up with a company strategy geared towards offering jobs to God fearing individuals.WHO will stand as representatives for us.This has enable us cut down the number of staffs working overseas for us.
As a representative your duty is to assist in the negotiation of price of products and also to help make claims to our funds,which are with our numerous creditors.All expenses to this regard will be taking care of by us.Also all successful transaction will[like making claims to our funds]will attract a 10% commission from that particular transaction.
All information regarding the particular transaction will be supported with enough and sufficient document to enable make proper verifications.Documents to be forwarded to you include INVOICES,STATEMENT OF ACCOUNT AND RECEIPTS. So please send to me your Bio-Data or recent Id.
Your data is to be used for proper documentation.So also you are requested to send you personal information in the following respect.
NAME:
SEX:
AGE:
MARITAL STATUS:
CONTACT ADDRESS:
TELEPHONE:
FAX:
CURRENT PLACE OF WORK:
Once this is completed we will send to our various costumers close to you for them to make negotiations behalf of us.Note outstanding representatives are to get from us welfare packages to boost performance.So also all interested representative can book for any of our seminars and enlightenment campaign that are held all year round.
You are to make all correspondence to this email address,also we entertain various question about our company where you are finding difficulty.For the now our team of engineers are working to upgrade our website.So as soon as it is completed i will furnish you with the web address.In terms of making future claims you are to make arrangements with our costumers how the funds are to be remitted to you.Also you are advised to always add pressure on our associates to pay up in time.
So do write your response to us as there is still a great chance for you to be among the lucky person shortlisted for our next transaction.
NOTE:We do not entertain people with questionable characters.
My best regards,and God blessing.
Yours Faithfully,
Chu Ping.
[All that should sound reminiscent of the various JobScam pages on the site.]
J. KNOXVILLE
Yo Pu Ching,
NAME: Johnny Knoxville, Esq
SEX: Yes
AGE: 28
MARITAL STATUS: No ball 'n chain, dude
CONTACT ADDRESS: 700 S Gay St, Tennessee, USA 37902
TELEPHONE: 00 34 628 268 983
FAX: 1-509-695-3394
CURRENT PLACE OF WORK: Dingleberries and Turds, LLC
What next, dude?
Johnny K.
PS dude, send me a catalog of your latex products.
J. KNOXVILLE
Hey Pu,
Where the f*** are ya? Are ya w*** out on me?
Johnny K
CHU
Attn.
We have earlier stated in our previous mails to you that you are to be our payment officer offshore as this will help us to reduce Tax payment if you will only be trust worthy and sincere.You are to be recieving payments from our custormers for thier purchased goods from us. We would also like to let you know that we have not gotten any reply to the mails sent to you as we cannot go into any transaction with you without getting those information, we do this to build up mutual trust ok. Please we have so many payments that is to be made but only being held back because of your delays,our board of directors accepted you but demands more information about you. Be advise that if you are not interested in this you can foward a letter of relinquishment to us so that we can forward them to the board as we have to file all our correspondence with you. Otherwise, if you are still interested do send us more information about yourself ASAP. Have a nice day.
Best Regards,
Chu Ping
J. KNOXVILLE
Yo Pu,
You better lay off that saki, I sent you my info already. If you're too much of a numnuts to read your email then you're gonna be a pretty s*** business partner anyway. Get back to me when you stop jonesin'.
Johnny K
J. KNOXVILLE
Hey s***-fer-brains,
Are we gonna do this or WHAT?
Johnny K.
CHU
Attn. John,
We are in reciept of your mail and the information provided is noted. On this note the board of directors of this bussiness outfit has deemed it wise to let you know that you are now our legal representative in Canada/USA, you can now be informed and as well be invited in any of our general conference.
We have some pending payments that has not been made, we would want you to contact one of our customers in London that deal on textile materials. They made a purchase worth of $36,580USD, this payment is supposed to have been made earlier than now but we needed an agent offshore to help out on this for Tax reduction.Be further advised that you are to contact them immediately with the following information:
Director: Dr. Kelvin Raymonds
Company Name: Bamuda Textiles UK ltd
Address: 24 Bond street London
Email: kelvinray@excite.com
Office phone: +447031849085
Our ref. GBK147/01/UK
Please quickly contact this company and tell them to make their payment of $36,580USD to you, on reciept of confirmation of your membership from our board of directors we have notified all our custormers about you. Always qoute the above consignment reference number anytime you are corresponding with them.Secondly always let us know of your dealings with any of our custormers.Hope you will be trust worthy.Your prompt response is appreciated.
Best Regards,
Chu Ping
J. KNOXVILLE
To: kelvinray@excite.com
Cc: chu ping <chu_ping@mail2Hongkong.com>
Date: 21 Feb 2005
Dr.
Read the note below and follow the instructions Pu Ching sent me.
Sincerely,
Johnny Knoxville
KELVIN RAYMONDS
kelvin <kelvinray@excite.com> wrote:
Dear Mr. Johnny Knoxville
My company is a customer of Mr. Pu Ching We are making a payment of $36,580USD to them, and he has told me that you will be recieving this funds on his behalf.I am requesting for your information that I will issue the check in. Please This will include Your Name Or Company name, and your complete mailing address with zip/postal code.I will be expecting to hear from you promtly.
Yours truly
Dr. kelvin Raymonds
J. KNOXVILLE
Date: 22 Feb 2005
Dude sent [send?] me the check,
NAME: Johnny Knoxville, Esq
Dingleberries and Turds, LLC
700 S Gay St, Tennessee, USA 37902
TELEPHONE: 00 34 XXX XXX XXX
FAX: 1-509-695-3394
KELVIN RAYMONDS
Attn. Johnny,
I will like to let you know that I have notified our accounts department to prepare a check of worth $36,000 to be sent to you, I will let you know when the funds is ready.I really appreciate your patience, please help me explain to Mr. Chu Ping about the delays. Have a nice day.
Best Regards,
Dr. Kelvin Raymonds
J. KNOXVILLE
Date: 25 Feb 2005
Cool
CHU
Attn:Johnny Knoxville,
I was advised by the sales department of our company to ask you how far you have gone with our custormer Dr. Kelvin Raymonds. Has he told you when he is making the payment? Please we would like you to ask him to do that ASAP as the company is so much in need of this funds. Please always keep us in the loop.We appreciate your good bussiness spirit.Your prompt response is appreciated. Have a nice day.
Best regards,
chu ping.
J. KNOXVILLE
Date: 25 Feb 2005
You Pu,
He said he was gonna send me a check. Whaddaya want me to do with it?
Johnny K
CHU
Please we would like to know if he is sending the check to you as the payment for the goods his company purchased. Please do verify from from him and get back to us. Try and also inform him that he should try and make this payment soon as the company needs the funds for other transaction. We would like you to update us if you have heard from any other of our customers. Always keep us in the loop with your dealings with them. Hope to hear from you soon.Have a nice day.Chu Ping
J. KNOXVILLE
Date: 01 Mar 2005
Ah, Chu
Said he was gonna send the check. No check yet. I'll believe it when I see it. Sounds like yer screwed.
No other customers.
Have a good yank,
Johnny K.
J. KNOXVILLE
March 4
To: kelvinray@excite.com
Cc: chu_ping@mail2Hongkong.com
HEY D***HEAD, DID YOU SEND THE CHECK YET?
Have a nice day,
Johnny Knoxville
To our surprise, CHU PING (who is not Chu Ping and not Chinese and not in China) is still trying to scam Johnny (who is not Johnny, but you knew that).
CHU
Good Day,
It has come to the notice of the cooperation that you as our agent have not been too nice to one of our customers,prior to the fact that your language was rather too hard on them.The director of Bemuda Textiles UK Dr Kelvin Raymonds complained about this,for this reason payments has been made to us directly and this was a little stress on our part and that of our customer.
We have another customer that you are to contact and collect outstanding payments from,but before we give you further details you will have to resend information about yourself as follows:
MARITAL STATUS:
AGE:
CONTACT ADRESS:
TELEPHONE:
FAX:
CURRENT PLACE OF WORK:
We look forward to hearing from you.
Have a nice day.
Chu Ping.
J. KNOXVILLE
Yo Pu,
Hey you f***in' ingrate. That deadbeat never sent me the check, so I made him get off his ass and send YOU the check. You're very f***in' welcome. You owe ME some cashola, fart breath. Maybe you'll get around to sending my commission sometime this century.
All the best,
Johnny K
CHU
Dear Mr Johnny,
How are you doing today.I regret that all effort that you have put in towards ensuring a hitch free exercise has not yielded anything positive.But i can assure that if you do bear with me i will be able to arrange for you to be short listed for our next collection.
I also will like to use this medium to inform you that,although payments of this sort can be bared at times.But i will assure you that our company will make sure that you will be duly compensated.Our programme runs all year round and we guaranty our customers and various client quality services.So i will like to inform you that you will not be treated differently from our other prospective REPRESENTATIVES.
So i urge you to consolidate with our offer to be a good REPRESENTATIVE.I will dispatch to you the Name,Contact Address and Phone number of our clients oversea.This will help you make contact with them so as to facilitate a easier collection of our funds.The Data of these client to be sent to you,are names of clients owing us.
So i will want you to please make contact with these people,and add pressure on them to make payment on time.With this our customers will be forced to pay on time.I still want you to consider this position giving to you.As your 10% will be giving to you[you are to deduct it from all payments made to you].I am sure that our customers will by all means co operate with you in this regards.
Thank you and God bless.My best regards.
Yours Faithfully,
Chu Ping
J. KNOXVILLE
Mar 15
Cool. Let me know.
CHU
Dear Sir,
Thank you very much for your response.I want to assure you that i will do everything in my power to make sure that this exercise is concluded.I will get our prospective clients and customers to contact you.I am going to make sure that you get prefrencial treatment,only you have to add pressure on them to make the funds available on time.
I want you to forward your CONTACT ADDRESS and PHONE NUMBER.It is all we need right now to enable our customers get in touch with you.I want you to please get me informed,on any bordering issue you are not clear with.I will be available to explain everything you have to do concerning this transaction to you.
NOTE:You are to try as much as possible to add pressure on our clients and customers to make funds available on time.
My best regards.
Yours faithfully
Chu Ping
J. KNOXVILLE
Yo Pu Ching,
CONTACT ADDRESS: 700 S Gay St, Tennessee, USA 37902
TELEPHONE: 00 34 XXX XXX XXX
JK
going on 2 months with this idiot. no insult can stop him. asking same questions he did 2 months ago AND he's already on scamorama
CHU
17.03.2005
Dear Sir,
I received your Contact information.I will send it immediately to my clients in Canada to immediately make arrangement for the Funds to be released on time. I will also provide you with adequate information about my clients so as to enable you make progress in all your transaction with them.I will please advice you to add considerable pressure on them to make the funds available.
My best regards.
Yours Faithfully,
Chu Ping
J. KNOXVILLE
Ah Chu,
You got it, dude.
Johnny K
CHU
19.03.05
Good Day Sir,
We are in reciept of the information you provided and this is noted, and has been given to our clients.
One of our customers in Canada has been instructed to make payments to you and his contact information is below;
Name Of Customer:Gregory Danakas
Phone Number:5145691761
Do endeavor to call this customer ASAP and add pressure on him to make the funds available to you.
NOTE:You are also to deduct your 10% from the funds and i will make proper arrangements on how you are to send the balance.
Thank You,
Chu Ping.
J. KNOXVILLE
21 March
The phone number don't work dude, or maybe I cant call Canuckland with my phone.
March 29
CHU
We are in receipt of your mail in which you complained about being unable to reach one of our customers. The board has met and we are trying to tackle that problem,you have no cause to worry.
As we mentioned earlier in our previous mails, your contact information has been sent to our various customers who are due to make payments so they will contact you anytime soon.
Thank you once again.
Best Regards,
Chu Ping.
thought you nice folks in scamoramaland might like to see Chu's header info - SUPRISE SURPRISE
Received: from [195.44.172.21]
Nigeria Telecommunications Limited
address: No 2 Bissau Street
address: Wuse zone 6, Abuja
address: F.C.T.
address: Nigeria
J. KNOXVILLE
Ah Chu,
You DA MAN!!! No one messes with CHU PING!! Let's get down to BUSINESS dude.
Johnny K
Silence, and then -
LARRY COLTON
April 6
<lar_colton@yahoo.com>
Dear Johnny Knoxville,
Top of the day to you and your well wishers.
I was contacted by Mr Chu Ping the Vice President of ALPHA MATRIX that you are one of the Company Representatives in this region.
I want to Inform you that your Cheque will get to you through your contact details which was sent to me by the Vice President on or before the end of Next Week, this is due to the ill health of my Daughter which I hope to resolve with the Doctor before the end of the week. I apologise once more for any delay or incovineinces this might cause you.
I will let you know when the cheque is dispatched to you. Until then is bye for now.
My Regards to your family.
Mr Larry Colton
J. KNOXVILLE
Date: 06 Apr 2005
Yo hardon, where's the check? How old is your daughter?
Johnny K
[ Astonishingly, "Chu Ping" and Co. still consider Johnny worth their efforts.]
CHU
April 26
Good Day Knoxville,
How have you been? Please always keep us informed in any of your dealing with our customers.
Have a nice day.
Mr. Chu Ping.
J. KNOXVILLE
Ah Chu,
Your customers are f***in' deadbeats. No checks. And you're a f***in' loser.
JK
CHU
Good Day Knoxville,
Tops of the day to you and your well wishers.We have just made some shipments of raw materials and some goods,so in no time you will be contacted by our customers that want to make payments.Always keep us updated,thank you.Have a nice day.
Mr.Chu Ping.
J. KNOXVILLE
May 2
Pu,
What should I do with the checks I already received, you knucklehead.
Johnny K
CHU
Hello Knoxville,
We are in receipt of your mail,and the information stated is noted.Please follow the following instructions carefully: Scan the checks received and send as attachment to us(this is for proper documentation). Deposit the checks in the bank.
Cash the checks and deduct your 10% as earlier agreed.
Information will be given to you on how to remitte the balance to us,once you have cashed the checks.
Please always endeavor to keep us updated as regards this transaction.Thank you very much.My best regards.
Yours Faithfully,
Mr.Chu Ping.
NB:As time goes on you will be introduced to our english attorney in london, whose e-mail appears above.
J. KNOXVILLE
May 3
Ah Chu,
Better get yer ass in gear, you dumb s***. I cashed the checks and there ain't gonna be much left for you cause I'm blowing it all on beer and hookers.
Johnny K
CHU
<chu_ping1@mail2Hongkong.com>
Hello Knoxville, How are you today?
We are in receipt of your mail and its so unfortunate that you want to act this way.We thought we had a good business understanding,that not withstanding in your own interest please kindly remitte the balance funds to us after deducting your 10% as earlier agreed.Failure to do this,means we shall have no other choice than to report you to the FBI.The U.S is a very small place, we have had problems similar to this in the past and the individuals involved are still languishing in jail.Let us know if you are ready to make payments so we can provide you with our account information.Get back to us ASAP.Have a nice day.
Mr.Chu Ping.
NB:This mail and all your correspondence with us is being forwaded to our english attorney in london.
J. KNOXVILLE
May 4
Hey Chu,
Gimme your account number and I'll think about it. I'm also thinking about another case of Johnny Walker and some head, so you better act fast.
Johnny K
CHU
Hello Knoxville,
Please kindly contact our english attorney in london for details on how you are to remitte the balance funds to us.Below is his contact email address:
John Hatma(esq)
john_hat20022000@yahoo.com.
Thank you very much.Have a nice day.
Mr.Chu Ping.
J. KNOXVILLE
Chu,
I said go s*** in your hat, not get a mouthpiece called Hat. Pay attention dips***.
Johnny K.
CHU
Good Day Knoxville,
We are in receipt of your mail, in this regard we are giving you details on how to make payments.The information you need is as follows;
Our technician in Amsterdam,Holland Duke Martins is being owed some outstanding bills for repairs of our factory's equipment.You are to make payments to him the sum of $5000(five thousand dollars) only,via Western Union.
Also the sum of $4,120(four thousand one hundred and twenty dollars)only,should be paid to our Advert agent Mr peter .k. Quashiga in Hong kong.
Send me the receipt details of both payments via e-mail.Further instructions will be given to you on how the balance is to be remitted.
NOTE:The above payments are to be sent to any Western Union outlet in the above locations.
Thank you very much for your assistance.Have a nice day.
My best regards,
Mr.Chu Ping.
J. KNOXVILLE
May 9
Pu,
Tell those p****s to send me a bill.
Thank you,
Johnny
CHU
Hello Knoxville,
Please kindly contact our english attorney in london for details on how you are to remitte the balance funds to us.Below is his contact email address:
John Hatma(esq)
john_hat20022000@yahoo.com.
Thank you very much.Have a nice day.
Mr.Chu Ping.
J. KNOXVILLE
Attention Johnny Hat,
Pu Ching said you would know what the f***'s going on. Between you & me Hat, I thing Pu Ching was dropped on his head when he was a kid. He makes Ernest look like Einstein.
Johnny Knoxville
MR. DUKE MARTINS
Tue May 10
X-Originating-IP: [216.155.196.103]
Return-Path: <zimsonplc@yahoo.com>
Hello Mr.Johnny Knoxville,
I am Mr.Duke Martins, manager of Zimson Plc I am the contracted technician of Alpha Matrix. The Managing Director of Alpha Matrix Mr.Chu Ping directed me to contact you concerning funds being owed to me totaling $5,000USD. Please kindly make this payments to me via Western Union.
Duke Martins,
Amsterdam,
Holland.
Send details of how I will collect the money through any Western Union outlet in the above location. Have a nice day.
Mr. Duke Martins.
NOTE: There is a receipt attached for goods and services rendered
...nifty receipt - this bozo is starting to work for his big fat goose egg
J. KNOXVILLE
May 11
Dum Sum,
I only deal with checks, just like they send me. You can kiss my Western Union ass.
Johnny K.
PETER K. QUASHIGA
From: "Bermuda Craft" <bermudacraft@rock.com>
Good Day Sir,
My names are Mr. Peter .k. Quashiga an advert agent to Mr.Chu Ping of Alpha Matrix. Mr Chu Ping owes me some money for some services rendered and has told me to contact you one of his agents.The Bills of the services rendered are attached in this e-mail. Please make my money available ASAP and get it to me through Western Union,the amount you are to pay is $4,120(four thousand one hundred and twenty dollars).Do this and give me details on how I should collect the money from any Western Union outlet or better still send a copy of the receipt of payment.
Mr. Peter .K. Quashiga,
Hong Kong Hong Please make my money available within 24hrs of your getting this mail as I need it for other business transactions.Thank you.
Yours Faithfully,
Mr. Peter .K. Quashiga.
If you're following this, this is really odd. Pu Ching's trying to get me to pay an invoice for him when he knows he never sent me any fake checks in the first place, and also means he knows I've been lying to him about receiving checks. The sheer arrogance and stupidity of this guy sets a new standard.
CHU
Good Day Knoxville,
We are in receipt of your mail, in this regard we are giving you details on how to make payments.The information you need is as follows;
Our technician in Amsterdam,Holland Duke Martins is being owed some outstanding bills for repairs of our factory's equipment.You are to make payments to him the sum of $5000(five thousand dollars) only,via western union.
Also the sum of $4,120(four thousand one hundred and twenty dollars)only,should be paid to our Advert agent Mr peter .k. Quashiga in Hong kong. Send me the receipt details of both payments via e-mail.Further instructions will be given to you on how the balance is to be remitted.
NOTE:The above payments are to be sent to any Western Union outlet in the above locations.
Thank you very much for your assistance.Have a nice day.
My best regards,
Mr.Chu Ping.
J. KNOXVILLE
May 11
f*** that Western Union s***, you illiterate bastard. What'sa matter f***face, never heard of a bank account?
Checks only.
Johnny K.
J. KNOXVILLE
Hey Pu Ching, you dumb s***, I never got any checks for these two assholes! Put down that crack pipe and take your thumb outta your ass, man! And what's with f***in' Western Union, no one heard of banks anymore?
Respectfully,
Johnny K
CHU
How are you Knoxville? Our technician and advert agent has informed me that they have contacted you to make payments.Kindly update us.
Mr.Chu Ping.
J. KNOXVILLE
May 11
Read your email turdball. Your technician can blow it out his ass.
JK
CHU
Mr.Johnny,
It is as a result of the urgency which our clients gentle request,of granting them their entitlements instantly,brought about the use of Western Union for them to receive their funds.This option emerged as a result of the board meeting held to provide our clients with a fast safe means of achieving this motion.Thus our request to you now is to comply with our already provided instructions,as some of the required assistance from you as our Representative is to channel funds already at your disposal to our clients.
Furthermore as a result of your non-compliance towards sub staining a virile and a hitch-free working exercise.Having tried unsuccessfully to establish a phone conversation with you,has seriously hampered our effort to en lighting you on our situation presently.
China as a communist country,has in place high taxation on funds leaving it's shores and also the NAFTA(National Asia Free Traders Association)zones.All these and more are some of the reasons we are soliciting with you to proficiently Represent us in the U.S.A. As your position is a very strategic and instrumental in this category. So not to hinder our motive of having a sound working relationship with you and your associates I request that we should work out a curriculum vitae to fit our various interest and our present stand.
Also a very vital area you have failed to acknowledge is the fact that every single representative is entitled to negotiate his or her 10% commission.You since have denied me the privilege to expatiate on these issues.Regarding your treatment meted down to our customers and clients has not improved our working relationship.I do not see any reason you went and insult our clients in Hong Kong,who was strictly adhering to instruction passed down to him to provide you with his bills so as his payments is to be realized to him.This Mr Johnny is totally unacceptable.
In search of proficient individuals and competent organization oversea,resulted in our employment offer to you.This has not gone down well,as you have from the unset posed a very serious dent on the imagine of our Company.Without further delay,see to it that you have your intentions known and also the current situation of things generally,regarding our ties.As I do not want a situation whereby our respectable clients are further put on hold or humiliated by our inability to meet up with their demand,as at when due.
See to it that our present stand is reviewed once more.If you do not deem our offer fit,i will have no other option than to send you an account with which our funds are all to be sent to,after deducting your percentage.I regret any inconvenience this might cause.
Also in your response try and highlight reasons behind your sharp contrast with our present arrangement.As already my clients have informed me that they have submitted their bills to you.To support your duties for us.
Try and see to it that our clients in Holland and Hong Kong receive their entitlements respectively.Since I have given my word that this past Monday will be the deadline for them to receive their funds.The main reason for our action to send them their funds is borne out of our resolution to boycott the use of china banks to pay our foreign staffs or debts as this will greatly reduce our profit after tax,due to taxation.So consider our position and offer as we are in need of your assistance In meeting our plight.
Thank you and my best regards.
Mr. Chu Ping.
J. KNOXVILLE
May 12
Pu Ching,
This is cool, sorry I misunderstood you. So you don't wann use the commie banks, man I hear you on that. That's why I never got no checks for this s***, someone sent me the cashola at Western Union.
So gimme the info, I'll go to Western Union, pick up the cash, take out my 10% and send the rest to Dim Sum and Bare Facts. Get your ass in gear, dude. Send me the Western Union info pronto if you're in such a big f***in' hurry.
Johnny K
J. KNOXVILLE
May 12
Hey Pu Ching,
You better hurry the f*** up and get me that Western Union info, times-a wastin dude!
JK
J. KNOXVILLE
May 13
Hey wake up all you d***heads,
Let's figure this out f***in' right NOW cause Pu Ching's got a hair up his butt.
Someone's gotta send me the Western Union info. Hey why do I have to be the one to light a fire under all your asses?
Johnny K.
Well whaddaya know - Pu Ching snuck a new email address by me, last week he changed it from: chu_ping@mail2Hongkong.com to: chu_ping1@mail2Hongkong.com.
Reason: see below, the first email address "has been disabled for SPAM/Fraud".
Methinks Pu Ching as not been totally straight with me. >
--- Mail Delivery Service <postmaster@mail2world.com> wrote:
- These recipients of your message have been processed by the mail server:
<chu_ping@mail2Hongkong.com> has been disabled for SPAM/Fraud
Date: Fri, 13 May 2005
From: Johnny Knoxville
Subject: READ THIS AND PAY F***IN ATTENTION RIGHT NOW
To: chu_ping1@mail2Hongkong.com, chu_ping@mail2Hongkong.com, bermudacraft@rock.com, zimsonplc@yahoo.com, john_hat20022000@yahoo.com
CHU
Dear Johnny,
Conclusions reached after a heated debate with my colleagues ended up not too favorable,as i am presently faced with the responsibility and burden of the outcome of this transaction.We agreed at the board meeting that the balance of what is remaining of the funds at your disposal,should be remitted to our Company's Liaison/Representative in Japan.For proper disbursement to our various clients abroad.We regret any form of inconvenience this might cause you.As i believe i already have explained the motive behind our wanting to send our clients their funds frst.As their welfare is our major concern.Also due to the heavy tariff placed on all outgoing funds from china.I hope you will bear with me.
Going by our judgment,on this on going exercise,we do commend your effort with which you have discharged your duty.I also want to use this opportunity to congratulate you on your selfless indulgence in this exercise.
Tough presently we are faced with stiff alternative,as our Representative in Japan has requested for a 4% payment from us so as to enable him have a smooth running of our demand.Also we are to pay a non refundable fee of $700 (seven hundred dollars),which we have paid.All these procedure has to be fulfilled so as to carry out a hitch free exercise.We have to go this way so as to enable my company secure a good profit as required by our company's goal. The banking details below is own by our Representative.So do endeavor to remit the Balance.
BANK ; TOKYO-MITSUBISHI BANK
BRANCH; UENO BRANCH
ACC NO. 1726999
SWIFT CODE; BOTKJPJT
BANK ADDRESS; TOKYO TAITOU-KU UENO 6-1-14 JAPAN
TEL; 03-3831-1211
COMPANY NAME ; ECORECYCLE. CO., LTD
COMPANY ADDRESS TOKYO TAITOU-KU UENO 6-7-16.
TEL 03-58123163
NOTE:Scan and send me the details of the confirmation slip.For proper verification.
Thank you for your continuous assistance.And my best regards. Mr. Chu Ping.
J. KNOXVILLE
Pu, sounds like they gave you a "STIFF ALTERNATIVE" and you fell for it. Only an idiot would send moneyhe didn't get.
f***nuts, I'm all ready to hook up with this bank, but I got no money waithing for me at Western Union yet and no check. Hope you're in no f***in hurry, cause nothing happening here dude.
JK
CHU
Hello Mr.Knoxville,
I have not been around lately,i took a vacation for some time.How are you doing? We had a little error in some of our files,that is the reason we thought you had received payments from some of our customers anyways that has been sorted out.We therefore apoligize for the incoviniences.
Some of our customers have outstanding payments to be made and also we have just made shipments of textile materials so in about a weeks time they will be contacting you to make payments.Always keep us updated.Thank you and have a nice day.
My Best Regards,
Mr.Chu Ping
J. KNOXVILLE
May 23
Yo Pu Ching,
Wonderin what the f*** happened to you. How'd the lobotomy go? No checks, been 3 months, how the f*** do you eat anyway?
Your pal,
Johnny Knoxville
June:
Amazingly, Mr. "Ping" keeps coming back.
CHU
<chu_png@mail2Hongkong.com>:
Mr knoxville,
How are you? Have you heard from any of our customers? Keep us updated.
Thank you.
Mr. Chu Ping.
J. KNOXVILLE
Date: 03 Jun 2005
Pu Ching,
How're things on the bread line? Nothing happenin, been four months and el dicko. Maybe you should try a different line of work. I heard there's a job opening up in New York sucking farts outta subway seats, you'd be a pro at it.
Johnny K
CHU
Hello Knoxville, Our Accounts department has directed me to request for the following information from you: 1)THE NAME OF YOUR BANK 2)WHEN YOU STARTED BANKING WITH THEM 3)THE HIGHEST DEPOSIT YOU HAVE MADE TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT 4)IF YOUR ACCOUNT HAS BEEN BANKRUPTED OR OVERDRAFTED BEFORE. We have requested for all these so we will be sure that our money will not be garnished when it gets to your account. Best Regards,
Mr.Chu Ping.
J. KNOXVILLE
Date: 06 Jun 2005
Pu,
Major crisis, you ever seen Wildboyz? Steve-O stuck a dead rat in his ear and put his head next to a Costa Rican anaconda, f***in' snake ripped his ear clean off. Dude, tell your accounts department to eat s***, when they send me the f***in' checks I'll send you the money.
Stop whackin' the weasel and git on it, it's been five months dips**t.
Your pal,
Johnny K.
CHU
Mr Knoxville,
Please kindly get serious with this ok.We need this information from you before any of our customers can make payments to you,the reason is that our money should not be garnished when it gets to your account. I hope this is clear. Below is the information we need :
1)THE NAME OF YOUR BANK
2)WHEN YOU STARTED BANKING WITH THEM
3)THE HIGHEST DEPOSIT YOU HAVE MADE TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT
4)IF YOUR ACCOUNT HAS BEEN BANKRUPTED OR OVERDRAFTED BEFORE.
Please kindly provide us with the above information and get back to us ASAP. Thank you once again. Have a nice day,
Best Regards,
Mr.Chu Ping.
JOHNNY
Date: 06 Jun 2005
OK, PU, everything with you is a complete waste of time but here it is
1)THE NAME OF YOUR BANK
Citibank
2)WHEN YOU STARTED BANKING WITH THEM
over 15 years ago
3)THE HIGHEST DEPOSIT YOU HAVE MADE TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT
$8000 when I sold my s***box camaro
4)IF YOUR ACCOUNT HAS BEEN BANKRUPTED OR OVERDRAFTED BEFORE.
no way asshole, unlike you I got things under control
Now go blow a goat and don't get back to me until you got a real check. FIVE F***ING MONTHS AND YOU'RE ASKING ME THESE QUESTIONS NOW? YOUR HEAD IS SO FAR UP YOUR A** YOU CAN CLIP YOUR TOENAILS WITH YOUR TEETH.
Fondly,
Johnny K
No, we wouldn't want our children playing with "Johnny" either, but then, Chu Ping isn't Chu Ping or even a near relative.
CHU
Attention: Mr. knoxville,
Our accounts department has specifically asked that you provide the following information:
1.Your local bank name
2.Your Bank Address
3.Your Bank Account number
4.Your Name of Account.
Please kindly do this ASAP because you will be receiving payments any moment from now.Your prompt response will be most appreciated.Thank you and have a nice day.
Best Regards,
Mr.Chu Ping.
JOHNNY
Subject: Dude, send me your picture
Dude,
I sent you this yesterday. Send me your photo, I bet you are one sharp lookin SOB, like f***in' Bruce Lee.
Are you a badass with the nunchucks Pu?
Johnny K
STILL coming...
HERE HE IS, THE ONE (well maybe one of two) THE ONLY, PU CHING!!!!!CHU
Subject: In Response To Your E-mail
Date: Tue, 7 Jun 2005
Dear Mr.Knoxville,
Since you have requested for my picture i have attached it in this mail,subsequently i will forward to you my international passport for mutual trust. So in this regard kindly forward to us the information we requested for.
1.Your local bank name
2.Your Bank Address
3.Your Bank Account number
4.Your Name of Account
Please respond ASAP.Thank you.
Mr.Chu Ping.
JOHNNY
June 7
PU CHING,
Pretty cool dude. You're no Bruce Lee but you look like the real deal man. Got that check ready?
Here's the bank:
Citibank International
Address: 5065 Westheimer Rd, Houston, TX 77056
the account name is my business:
DingleBerries and Turds
the account number is 62732587
Rock on dude,
Johnny K
CHU
June 22
Good Day Knoxville,
One of our customers has just notified us that payments($3999.99) have been made to you,kindly confirm this and get back to us ASAP.Thank you.
Mr.Chu Ping.
JOHNNY
He's f***in with ya Pu, nobody sent me dick.
Johnny K
JOHNNY
June 23
Hey Pu,
Did the f***nuts say he mailed me the scratch or put it in my account? Pu, you need to stop acting like a chump and grab these chiselers by the balls dude.
JK
CHU
Attention: Knoxville,
We just confirmed that the payments($3,999:99) have been made to your bank account,please kindly go to your bank and confirm this immediately.Get back to us as soon as you have done this.
I have already notified our accounts department about this so they will provide the information on how you will remmitte the balance to us after deducting your 10%.
Your prompt response will be most appreciated.Have a nice day.
Mr.Chu Ping.
JOHNNY
June 24
Hey seriously dude where's the money?
I went to the bank and this broad Carlotta said there aint no 3999 deposit. I wanna impress this broad so instead of making me look like a complete schmuck you gotta send me the bank name, the check number, the name of the f***er who wrote the check and what account number they put it in.
Get on it Pu, I gotta real shot with this hosebag and I don't want you doin the usual brain dead Pu Ching head up you ass routine. I told Carlotta to email you so do the right thing man.
Johnny K
...and picking up in July...
CHU
Good Day Knoxville,
This is to inform you that payments have been made to your account,you are therefore required to go to your bank and confim this.After you have done this you collect your 10% as agreed and remitte the balance to us.Our accounts department has provided the following information for you to make the balance payments via western union.
ALAN BROWN
400 SPRING ROAD
ATLANTA GEORGIA
When you have made the balance payments you will have to send to us the required info so we can forward it to our agent.Please kindly do this ASAP as the company is in need of funds at the moment.Thank you and have a nice day.
Mr.Chu Ping
NB:The payments were made by customers to the account information you provided:
Citibank International
5065 Westheimer Rd, Houston, TX 77056
account number : 62732587
account name : DingleBerries and Turds
JOHNNY
Cc: Lotta Cleavage
Date: 05 Jul 2005
Dude,
You aint gonna believe this s***, remember when Chris used to shoot bottle rockets out his ass? Figured we gotta beat that for the 4th, man. So I volunteered to catch em in my ear. Holy f***!! Today I'm walkin' around with a bottle rocket sticking outta the side of my head!
Hurts like hell, hey they sent the payments, thats cool. Gonna let my squeeze Carlotta at the bank handle it. Pu Ching email Carlotta at lotta_cleavage@xxxxxxxx_xxxxx.com and she'll hook you up, I gotta pop some more Advil and Xanax.
Later, Johnny K
CHU
Attention:Mr.Knoxville,
Our accounts department has specifically instructed that you make payments via western union through different western union outlets and to two of our agents we owe who are in America and in the Netherlands.These are the informations you require:
Fraay Michael Anderson
Amsterdam
Holland
ALAN BROWN
400 SPRING ROAD
ATLANTA GEORGIA
As we have agreed you will deduct your 10%from the payments and then you send half of the funds to our agent in Holland and the other half to our agent in America.After you have done this you will have to forward to us the payment information so we an forward to our agents to collect it.Do this as soon as possible,like i said in my previous mail to you the company is really in need of funds at the moment.Your prompt response will be most appreciated.Thank you and have a nice day.
Mr.Chu Ping.
Pu's finally getting real, but I wonder if he's just pulling my info off scamorama and trying to jerk me around cause this p**** can't really believe I'm gonna send him anything if he doesn't send me something first. It's fake bank info so there's no way of knowing. Can you believe it's going on six months with this crap?
Oh well, readers are readers ;>
CHU
How are you Johnny,
I want you to understand that the company is really in funds at the moment,in this regard i want you as our representative to see to it that funds are collected and balance remitted to us.
Mr.knoxville you are our representative as agreed and we do not have business with any other person so you are the one responsible of remitting balance payments to us.
On this note i would advise that you deduct your 10% from the $9,000USD payed into your account by customer and send half of it to our agent in Holland and the other half to our agent there in America.You will have to send this payments via western union to the information provided in my previous mail to you.
Get back to me ASAP as soon as you have made the payments with the following information:
Senders Name:
Amount Paid:
MTCN (Money Transfer Control Number):
Test Question & Answer:
This applies for both and you will have to make the payments through different western union outlets.
Your prompt response will be most appreciated.
Best Regards,
Mr.Chu Ping.
JOHNNY
To: Chu Ping, Lotta Cleavage
Date: 06 Jul 2005
Hey Pu, that's cool.
I told you yesterday my head is f***in' killing me, so Lotta at the bank is gonna take care of you.
Lotta, take care of my homey, Pu Ching, he says some bananas sent $9Gs to the Dingleberries & Turds account.
Make sure Pu get's his 10%.
Johnny Knoxville
... and Lotta enters...
LOTTA
Cc: Johnny Knoxville
Date: 06 Jul 2005
Dear Mr. Ching,
I would be most happy to assist you. Please send me a record of all deposits. Each deposit must include the date, the amount, and the name of depositor.
Also, Mr Knoxville has authorized me to forward a total of 90% of each deposit to your agents, please provide me with their information as well.
If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.
Respectfully,
Lotta Cleavage
Chu patiently repeats the payment information.
CHU
Attn
Here is the information you need:
Payments made to your account; $9,000USD. 10% of this payment is meant for Mr.Johnny Knoxville for standing as our representative who receive payments from customers.
The balance 90% is for the company(Alpha Matrix),this will have to be sent via western union to our agents in Holland and America. Here is their information you need to make the funds available to them.
PAUL DUBBELDUM
AMSTERDAM
HOLLAND
ALAN BROWN
400 SPRING ROAD
ATLANTA GEORGIA
The payments should be sent to them in equal halves that is $4,000 should be sent to each agent respectively.when sending you will have to breakdown the funds into another two equal halves ,that is send $2,000 before you send the other $2,000 this applies for both agents.If possible send from two different western union outlets.
After you have done this you will then forward to me the following information:
Senders Name:
Money Transfer Control Number(MTCN):
Test Question & Answer:
Senders Address:
I would advice that you carry out this transaction immediately as the funds are needed urgently.
Get back to me as soon as possible. Thank you. NB:Kindly forward to me your phone number.
Best Regards,
Mr.Chu Ping
(Managing Director)
JOHNNY
Cc: chu_png@mail2Hongkong.com
Lotta baby,
Stop doin your makeup and git on this for Pu Ching. Did we get the $9Gs like he said?
Johnny
LOTTA
Mr. Ching,
I have no record of a $9,000.00 deposit from Alpha Matrix. As soon as the deposit is cleared in the Dingleberries and Turds account I will begin the process to allocate the respective shares to your agents.
Oh, and by any chance are you related to P. F.Chang? His stir-fry is WONDERFUL and gets me all frisky!
Lotta Cleavage
CHU
Hello,
I quite appreciate your assistance in this transaction.The information you have asked for is not readily available as our accounts departments have notified me and will be forwarded to you later.I will like to let you know that these agents we owe money need these funds urgently,so i will like you to make the funds available to them immediately.The agents are in Holland and America and their contact info are stated clearly in my previous mails.I believe you understand what you are to do which is that you deduct your 10% and send the balance in two halves via western union to both agents respectively.After you have done this you will have to forward to me the required information of payments as i stated in my previous mail.I will require that you carry out this task immediately as it is taking longer than necessary.Also i want you to send me your phone number.Your prompt response will be most appreciated.Thank you.
Best Regards,
Mr.Chu Ping.
CHU
Dear Johnny&Lotta,
Thank you very much for your mail and update.I was in contact with my debtor today and the told me the funds deposited in your account is $9,500 and the funds most have been due for payment.Please i want you to go to your bank immediately you get my mail and have the funds sent as instructed and get back to me with the MTCN numbers.
I await your response along with the MTCN or control numbers.
Regards,
Mr.Chu Ping
LOTTA
Dear Mr. Ching,
I do not have a record of a $9,500 deposit into the Dingleberries and Turds account. Please provide the date(s), the exact amount(s), and the name of the depositor(s) so that I may locate any transactions due Alpha Matrix. Supporting documentation would be helpful for me to verify your claim.
Thank you,
Lotta Cleavage
CHU
Good Day,
I must tell you Alpha matrix is the name of my company and is the company johnny represents,so there is no way we will be the one making payments.Johnny as our representative is to collect payments from our customers on our behalf.
Our sales department has since notified me that payments worth $9,000:00 have been made to Mr.Johnny Knoxville via the Dingleberries and Turds account.
Therefore in this regard i will like you to disburse the funds according to the information provided in my previous mail to you. Have this transaction completed immediately and get back to me as soon as possible.Have a nice day.
Sincerely Yours,
Mr.Chu Ping
Note:Lotta like i said before kindly send me your phone number.Thank you.
LOTTA
July 11
Dear Mr. Ching,
Citibank is responsible for handling Mr. Knoxville's account. The Dingleberries and Turds account is a depositor account, not a credit account, therefore Citibank must have a record of the balancing deposit(s) before making any disbursements. Please send me a record of all deposits that are allocated to the $9,000 transfer you are requesting. Each deposit must include the date, the amount, and the name of depositor.
If you are not able to provide this information at this time, then I suggest you apply for a credit line with Citibank or the bank of your choice.
You may call me with questions, (775) 342-0176.
Lotta Cleavage
I'm trying to picture what the nice people at the world famous Mustang Ranch whorehouse will say to someone calling for "Lotta Cleavage"
JOHNNY
July 12
Pu Ching man, whaddaya f***in' stupid? Yer messin things up for me dude. Lotta thinks your all f***ed up, some kinda loser trying to grub money offa her. Just send her what she's f***in' askin for and stop acting like some asshole. She doesn't work for you, she gotta go by the rules man.
I'm startin to doubt you dude, just give her the deposit info and stop f***in around already.
Johnny
LOTTA
July 13
Dear Mr Ching,
Mr. Knoxville has requested that your agents be authorized to received their payments via Western Union money transfer. Citibank discourages using MTCN transfers as they are neither insurable nor reversible, however Mr. Knoxville is not pleased that your requests have not been fulfilled to date.
In order for MTCN transfers to be authorized by Citibank for immediate transfer, you must provide us with the six digit Citibank confirmation number your clients received for each deposit, along with the exact amount of each deposit.
I hope this will expedite this process for you.
Good day,
Lotta Cleavage
CHU
Good Day,
I would like to inform you that my debtor who deposited the money travelled and is not reachable at the moment.The company needs to offset some bills if possible to our agents in holland first before the business crumbles.Thank you very much for your understanding.
Regards,
Mr.Chu Ping.
Has Chu Ping (who is almost certainly not Chu Ping, or Chinese) finally wised up?
LOTTA
Johnny,
Where did you find this dork Pu Ching?? He keeps asking me for money like Citibank has no accounting records. What a moron!! How many times do I have to tell him there's no record that we received anything from his customers? We're a business, not a charity, nothing registers with this clown!!
Anyway honey I'll be over later at the usual time, you better not be too tired cause I'm REEEALLLY HORNEY!!
Your sex muffin,
Lotta
CHU
to Lotta
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
Good Day,
This is to let you know that i have no business with you and therefore disregard all previous correspondence with you relating to johnny knoxville.
JOHNNY
Hey Lotta,
You were right all along about this crooked twerp, Pu Ching. This dumb s**t has been trying for six months to get me to pay him while his fake customers never sent me anything.
As for you Pu, you can march your criminal ass down here and choke on my giant c**k. You wasted six months of your time, YOU HUMONGOUS ASSHOLE.
Johnny Knoxville
Chu Ping is disappointed in Johnny's attitude.
CHU
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
I would like to know what is happenning.Mr knoxville your behaviour is unruly,disheartening and unbecoming of a representative.The company has therefore deemed it wise to inform you that your appointment with Alpha Matrix Company has been terminated with immediate effect.Thanks for your time.
Mr Chu Ping
TED KOZINSKI
Dear Pu Ching,
I read about your business with Johnny Knoxville. I must say that Mr. Knoxville has made a complete asshole out of you.
Did you ever meet Lotta, I heard she's got an amazing rack!! If you have any pictures please forward them to me. I'm so lonesome I could die.
Ted Kozinski