A tale from an extraordinary gentleman. Let him take you back to the days when Ashley was a man's name.


On Wed, 11 Jun 2003 20:27:57 +0100 (BST) writes:


I know you will be surprise to receive thisbut do please consider it a request from a suffering family in serious need of your humble assistance.My family had to bring before you this proposal becausewe sincerely hope you will be reliable to assist us.
Anyway,my name is MR WILLIAM KABILA, I am the son to the Second wife of the assasinated President of the Democratic Republic of Congo ,late Laurent Kabila.My Mother got your contact information through a family friend who works with the South African chamber of Commerce and Industry.
Six months before the assasination of my father,he had used my name to deposite in a metal box the sum of Tweenty one million five hundred thousand United States Dollars [us$21.5m] in a vault of aprivate security firm in johannesbourg,South Africa.The security company does not know the actual content of the box deposited with them since my father declared it to be precious metals.
This money was to beused for his second tenure election campaign bid but unfortunatly,his own personal aide assasinated him in a palace coup on the early hour of January 16th 2001.Since my father's death,my step mother has continued to be extremly mean and discriminatory to us in the family scheme of things because his son, Mr.Joseph Kabila,now rule as president.
She has even arbitrarily accused my mother of having masterminded our father'sassasination and all sorts of groundless accusations. As a result of these,I decided to move my family to South Africa. Right now,I am staying with my family here in johannesbourg as a refugees. I have nowdecided to divert this money for our own personal usebut we would want to get it transferred out side the continent for our onward investment purposes.We do notwant to invest here due to the volatile and sensitivestatus of the region. As an international partner,Igenuinely solicit that you kindly help me and myfamily transfer this money into your country through your personal or your company's bank account for safekeeping pending my immediate arrival for onwardinvestments,which we are goingtorely on you heavily to help us materialize.This money will be paid into your account asa contract fund through a prime local bank here in johannesbourg. We have resolved to offer you[20%] of the money for your assistance and 5% isset aside to offset every expenses you made by both side.
The rest will be for investments in your country or anywhere you might suggest.Further discussions willcommence when we here from you but do not forget the absolute confidentiality and mutual trust required inthis transaction.Kindly contact us on the above speci-fied direct contact numbers should this proposal happen to meet your ut most considerations.
Thanks for your co-operation.God bless.
Best Regard,


Date: 11 Jun 2003, 04:02:59 PM

Dear Bill:

My God, I can't believe I'm hearing your name again after these years! How is your mother? I haven't heard from her since your father Laurent was shot! What an incredible joy to hear your name again! Thank God you have made it to South Africa!

You probably don't remember me, because you were just a wee nipper when I was in the Congo. I am Ashley Farnes-Barnes, the MI 5 liaison to your father. I was the top adviser to his counterintelligence team and proud to call Laurent Kabila a dear, close, personal friend. It was a tragedy the day he was assassinated. January 16, 2001, was one of the darkest days of my life.

When I was in Kinshasa, my job was to advise his secret police and counterintelligence teams on techniques to maintain order and loyalty in the Congo. You were probably too young to remember some of the things we had to do to insure your father's prosperity. Some of these things are still classified by the Official Secrets Act to this day. Some of them were, well, regrettable...but necessary to maintain your father's position of power.

I am saddened to hear that your mother is subject to these accusations. Your father told me often how much he loved you and your mother. You were the center of his eye. He talked to me often, while playing billiards, about his plans to send you to school in England. He wanted you to have a British education, so that you could master the world's lingua franca. I am saddened to see you have not kept up with your education. Strange that Eton and Haileybury should wash off of you so quickly, and your grammar and English should have fallen away. I was standing on the portico of the palace the day you went off to Eton. You were top of your form as a student...and look at your grammar now. The shame of it.

Well, about your financial problems...I must tell you that your father never put his money in a storage box in South Africa or anywhere else. We had numerous discussion about his finances, and I made it clear to him that the best way to protect his wealth and his family was to invest it in British or American banks. "You should only have enough liquid cash on hand for day-to-day needs," I said.

He asked, "Well, what if I have to flee the country?"

"Then you simply order the airline tickets and the hotel rooms on the VIP credit cards and national accounts," I said, "and pay the bills through those credit cards and bank accounts. Travelling around with large sums of money is a short route to robbery and murder!"

He was a very wise man. He listened to me when I weaned him away from Marxism and towards capitalism, and I was heavily involved in setting up accounts in British banks for that money. I was there the day that they emptied out that metal box you're talking about! A team from Barclays Bank and MI 5 came down from London, emptied the box, and gave him the certificates of deposit. The money's in England, William, in checking accounts and certificates of deposit. The only thing in that metal box of your father's is wadded up paper and a few dirty American $100 bills. We did that to ensure that if any thieves got hold of the box, they'd get a rude surprise when they opened it up!

I thought your father told your mother all that! I know he did, because she was there the whole time we did this transaction! I think someone's lying to you, and my chaps here in London know who it is. It's the security company.

You are probably aware that there has been an upsurge in advance fee fraud crimes in Africa, in which the criminal sends out e-mails and letters claiming to have a vast fortune in thrall, and needs a stranger's help to get it out of the continent. The hook is to get the stranger to pay advance fees to get the box full of money out of Africa. They are often for "demurrage," which is an outdated phrase. Every fee is the last one, and every time there is another unexpected hitch that requires more advance money. Eventually the victim loses all his money or comes to Africa to collect his money and is murdered. The criminals impersonate bankers, oil executives, relatives of dead African leaders, and their supporters. These popular con games are called "419" frauds, for the section of the Nigerian criminal code they violate. Nigeria is the launching point for most of these scams. They are also called "mgbada" and "arrangee." Often when the victim gets the box of money open, it is revealed to be "defaced," and the victim has to pay for "cleaning" the money, which is just newspaper. This phase is called the "wash-wash."

I think that in this case, the security company's chaps are trying to con you, by convincing you that the box is full of money and money from you will free up your money. Since you don't seem to know about Laurent's accounts, they think they can get you to squeeze some foreigner.

I recommend that you contact Barclays Bank* for your father's money and immediately contact the South African Police to have the owners of this security company arrested for fraud. I'll contact my chaps here at MI 5 and we'll get on to this security company and sort the whole thing out. You should hear from the British High Commission in about two weeks, as they'll have your account information for you, and they'll help you get your refugee status and your British Airways tickets to England.

Well, William, I'm afraid I must rush. But please let me know how this turns out and do let me know when you're coming to London, and we'll meet up at the Junior Carlton for sherry. We have a lot of catching up to do.

Best of luck, old boy.


Ashley Farnes-Barnes
MI 5

* - funny because Lads have been trying to pass themselves off as representatives of Barclays, using the old Dead Bank Customer story.

[Since this was copied to Scamo and others, we don't expect a reply.
However, if "William" is really that clueless - or determined - we won't
deny him his moment in the Scam-o-Sun.]