Scam o Rama

POOR DANNY THE FOOTBALLER...

updated aug 7

The continuing story of Danny The Hopeful Footballer. In his first appearance, MISCHIEF'S A FOOT, Danny pretended to be one Sam Bangula in order to swindle a first-time scam-baiter, "Joan". It got strange fast. When Joan caught him out on his mixed-up identity, Danny tried unsuccessfully to romance her. Next, Danny was invited to tryouts for Manchester United (not) in THIS SCAMMING LIFE (concocted by the Kindly Contributor of FIRST TIME OUTING). This didn't go well for Danny either. [Are you getting all this? There will be a ten-minute quiz after class.] [p.s. to Americans, Manchester United is a British soccer team.] Danny may want all of Joan's money, but he seems very clean-living. Much more so than Juan Kerr!

Our scam-baiter speaks:
For my follow up to IAMA DILDO, I thought I might wind up Danny the
footballer who was so gently let down by Joan Mellencamp, because I have
let him think me and Joan know each other I thought I would really try and
mess with his head a bit. So, in advance, apologies for the sexual
content. I couldn't believe he bought the links I put in the e-mails as
any dunce can work out whats happening. ... I'm not convinced I'm going to get
any more out of him but who knows......

This guy has been wound up by the so-called wife of John Mellencamp
already. As part of that scam he confessed his love for her and admitted
he is a footballer who is trying to make the grade. He was then wound up
by a guy who claimed to be a Man Utd. Scout. After he was done, I thought
I'd get involved. Bear in mind that he genuinely thinks that a Joan
Mellencamp is marrying him.

JUAN KERR

Sir, You do not know me, but I have been given your name by a 'Joan
Mellencamp' who I believe you have recently had relations with. My
company, the JuanKing Corporation is a speciality sports channel
transmitting in the United States and in England, which is part of
Scotland.
We are currently putting together a programme examining the differences
between football (or Soccer as the stupid Americans call it!) in different
parts of the world. We have completed programmes on football in Europe,
USA, South America and Asia. We know plan to make one of our films in
Africa. We know that Nigeria is the best team in African football, and
responsible for some of the great players of recent times like Kanu,
Babayaro and that guy who does the back flips when he scores. We have
interviewed these players asking how difficult it was coming from the
gutter and moving to Europe where they make thousands and thousands of
dollars every week.
I'm led to believe by Joan that you think you made be good enough to make
the grade. What we plan to do is visit Cote D'Ivoire and see first hand
how difficult it is in these 3rd world countries. Obviously this will be
shown all over US and UK so it is a good chance for not only you, but allv
your team mates to show the world the untapped talent in these backward
countries.
Who knows, if you're as good as you say you are, then one of the teams may
end up interested in coming down to watch your team in person. This is
obviously not guaranteed, but as I say, who knows.
Let me know if you'd be interested, and how much would be a fair fee for us
to use your likeness on the television.

best regards,
Juan Kerr
JuanKing Corporation

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

THANKS FOR YOUR MESSAGE.IF WHAT YOU SAID YOU ARE.
I AM INTERESTED.I HAVE HAD OVER THIS FROM SO MANY PEOPLE
WHO CLAIMS TO BE SCOUT AT THE END OF THE DAY
THEY SCRACH MY EMOTION FOR NOTHING.

IF YOU ARE FOR REAL,YOU ARE WELCOME IN ADVANCE IN ABIDJAN COTE
D'IVOIRE.THERE ARE MANY GOOD NIGERIA'S PLAYING GOOD FOOTBALL HERE IN MY
CLUB AND OTHER CLUBS I KNOW.

IF YOU WANT TO COME,I WILL STAND AS YOUR AGENT TO SELECT GOOD PLAYERS FOR
YOU AND I WILL HAVE SHARE PERCENTAGE FROM YOU IF THEY ARE SIGNED IN USA OR
EUROPE.MYSELF IS MUST TO BE PART OF THE TEAM TO WILL BE SELECTED BY YOU OK.

THANKS AND GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY
SINCERELY YOURS
SOLOMON CHUKS DANNY.

JUAN KERR

You must understand I am not a scout as such, and would never claim to be.
I am a television producer who is making a programme on how difficult it is
for talented African footballers to be noticed by the big European and US
teams. This will be shown on nationwide TV, so it is possible that any
players who stand out will be noticed.
I myself have already visited the Sharks stadium in Port Harcourt,
although personally I felt that the standard of football was not so good.
Please I would like you to fill in some details.

Full Name :
Age :
Previous clubs :
Hobbies :
Marital Status :
Favourite Clubs in Spain, England and Scotland (one each only)
Also, please let me know the above details of the players YOU think are
good enough to make it as a professional footballer, these are probably the
players we will want to interview and film.

thanks in advance,
Juan.

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

Received: from [213.136.104.6]
Date: Thu, 26 Jun 2003 03:29:59 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: I AM INTERESTED

DEAR Juan
OK IF YOU ARE FOR REAL,HERE IS MY INFORMATIONS
FULL NAME:SOLOMON CHUKS DANIEL
AGE:18 years old
POLICE MACHINE TEAM ACCADEMY FOOTBALL CLUB OWERRI IMO STATE.
HOBBIES:WATCHING FILMS AND LISTENING TO MUSIC.
MARITAL STATUS:INTENDING TO MARRY JOAN YOUR FRIEND WHO INTRODUCE YOU TO ME.
FAVOURITE CLUBS IN SPAIN,ENGLAND,SCOTLAND:REAL MADRID FC,ASENAL FC,GLASSCOW RANGERS FC.

THE PLAYERS ARE AS GOOD AS PLAYING ANY WHERE IN THE WORLD.THEY ARE
ATTACKER,MIDFEILDERS,DEFENDERS AND GOOLKEEPERS AS WELL.

THEY ARE CAPABLE PLAYERS.IF YOU ARE READY TO COME DOWN TO THIS PLACE,LET ME
KNOW SO THAT I WILL INFORM THEM IN ADVANCE TO GET PREPARED FOR THE TRIALS.I
WILL GATHER THEM IN ONE GOOD PIT FOR THE FILMING AS YOU SAID IT.DON'T
WORRY,YOU WILL GET THE BEST.

THANKS AND EXTEND MY GREETINGS TO MY WIFE JOAN.TELL HER TO CALL ME ON
0022505663907.I WANT TO HEAR HER LOVELY VOICE.
[ScamO Note: keep in mind that DANIEL and "JOAN" have never met or talked.
Also that DANIEL started out as SAM, trying to scam JOAN.]

SINCERELY YOURS
SOLOMON CHUKS DANIEL.

I then e-mailed him this.easy done mock up of a BBC page.

JUAN KERR

Please click on the below link for a previous story about me and my company. You will notice on the right of the page the story about me and Ronaldo. Please, let me know what you think.......

http://cgi.mvsewell.plus.com/cgi-bin/news.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fnews.bbc.co.uk%
2Fsport1%2Fhi%2Ffootball%2F2269145.stm&a=Uefa&b=JuanKing+Corps&c=president&d=
Chief+Executive&e=Lennart&f=Juan&g=Johansson&h=Kerr&i=ITV&j=JuanKing&k=Digital&
l=Corporation&m=administration&n=African+football+scouting&o=Fulham&p=
JuanKerr&q=overpower&r=signs+up+Ronaldo&s=Baggies&t=in+new+deal&x=124&y=30

[These links work, appear to contain no booby traps, and are clever mockups.]

HOOK LINE AND SINKER..

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

DEAR Juan
OK SIR YOU ARE FOR REAL,I HAVE SEEN MUCH ABOUT YOU. YOU ARE GREAT.PLEASE SIR,CALL ME IMMEDIATELY SO THAT WE CAN TALK THINGS OVER ON TELEPHONE.MY LINE STILL REMAINS,0022505663907.

THANKS FOR NOW
YOURS SINCERELY
SOLOMON CHUKS DANIEL.

JUAN KERR

I'd assumed you had heard of me before now anyway?

Please I need full names of all the players in your team, and if you could give them each marks out of 10 (e.g. 10/10 for an absolutely excellent player, 7/10 if he's quite good etc.). Include yourself in this evaluations please. Get back to me as soon as possible - this is very urgent.

I cannot call at the moment as I am busy with the computer and do not have a free line.

thanks, Juan
JuanKing Corp.

He.s resting after a game so.

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

DEAR SIR,

THANKS FOR YOUR MESSAGE.MY CLUB JUST HAD FOOTBALL MATCH YESTERDAY AND WE WON THE VISITING TEAM 2 .0.TODAY AND TOMORROW,IS A RESTING DAY FOR EVERY PLAYER,OUR NEXT TRAINING TIME IS SARTUDAY MORNING .I WILL TALK TO EVERY PLAYERS INVOLVED AFTER THE TRAINING SECTION,THEN IN THE AFTERNOON TIME,I WILL GET BACK TO YOU WITH DEAR DETAILS.

SIR,PLEASE KINDLY TELL JOAN MY WIFE TO CALL ME.I AM ANXIOUSLY WAITING TO HEAR HER LOVELY VOICE.

THANKS FOR NOW

SINCERELY YOURS Then I thought I.d really set the cat among the pigeons.

JUAN KERR

I thought you would like to see this, please let me know what you think.....

http://cgi.mvsewell.plus.com/cgi-bin/news.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.
elainemellencamp.com%2F&a=Elaine&b=Joan&c=Irwin-Mellencamp&d=Mellencamp&e=and+
international&f=hard+core+pornographic&g=line+of+clothing&h=She+is+about+to+
marry+a+Nigerian+Footballer&i=work+with+Victoria+Secret&p;j=woman+having+sex+
with+donkeys+and+goats&k=.com&l=+and+welcome+her+footballer+husband-to-be+
Danny&m=print+and+TV+model+for+Pantene+hair+&n=former+prostitute&o=care+
Products&p=until+falling+in+love+with+Danny%2C+who+is+unaware+of+her+sordid+past
&q=elainemellencamp&r=yahoo.co.uk&s=webmaster&t=RESDOG2003&x=60&y=29

JUAN KERR

Subject: Screen testing

SOLOMON CHUKS DANIEL,
I have been asked by my TV director for some important info. Once you have chosen the players you want us to represent on the programme, we will need to have current photographs of each so we can ascertain their suitability for television.
Therefore, once you have selected the lucky players, I would like a team line up photograph. For advertising purposes I would like you either to have a big sign made which you can all stand behind with the name of our company, and a salutation to Nigeria. We intend to use this for marketing our programme in the West Coast of Africa. Obviously it will need to be a big sign so we can see it in the picture, but I'm sure you and your team-mates will manage.
Please then scan and send this to me. The sign must read as follows :-
'STICK TO JUANKING NIGERIANS'
[ScamO Note: the Lads in fact do pester other Nigerians with some frequency.]

I am trying to get hold of Joan at the moment in order she can call you right away.
Once I have the photo with the sign I will be able to set the wheels in motion for coming to Cote D'Ivoire. We will need filiming permits which I can wire money to you and you can pay on my behalf. No monies will change hands until I have the photo with our adopted team - that is Daniel - YOUR TEAM !!!

regards, and keep in touch,
Juan.

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

DEARSIR,

PLEASE OPEN THE ATTACHED MY CLUB GROUP PHOTOS,I AM THE ONE WITH THE FOOTBALL.THE PHOTO WHERE WE ARE FOUR IN NUMBER, I AM THE ONE FIRST BY WRITE LOOSING MY BOOT AFTER A FOOTBALL MATCH .

THE PLAYERS PERSONAL PHOTOS WILL BE SENT TO YOU AFTER I MIGHT HAVE DISCUSS WITH THEM BY SARTUDAY .

THEWEBSITE WHICH MY WIFE JOAN HAVE ALREADY CREATED WITH MY NAME IS OK BY ME.I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.PLEASE SIR,TELL HER TO CALL ME IMMEDIATELY .I WANT TO HEAR HER LOVELY VOICE .
THANKS FOR YOUR GOOD WORK.
YOURS SINCERELY

SOLOMON CHUKS DANIEL,

JUAN KERR

Thank you for the pictures. You look like a bunch of fit young men to me! Please try and have the line up with

'STICK TO JUANKING NIGERIANS'

as we would like to have this for our forthcoming advertising campaign which will be used to promote our programmes on African football.

Juan

I am glad you liked your wife's site. She is very beautiful, although a bit lonely. I must say though, she is very sexual, and has offered me 'sexual' favours in order to ensure you can travel back with us. Is this okay to indulge in oral sex with her if I promise to take her back? Let me know, this is normal here, but I know it might not be normal in Africa. If you would prefer I will just have straightforward sex with her.

Bastard won.t let me shag his missus...

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

DEAR JUAN,

THANKS FOR YOUR COMPLEMENTS OF MY CLUB BOYS FILLED WITH BUNCH OF FITNESS.YOU ARE TO SEE MORE PLAYERS BY THE TIME YOU WILL COME DOWN TO THIS PLACE.

SIR,JOAN MY WIFE SHOULD WRITE ME OR CALL ME ON TELEPHONE AS I AM WORRIED SINCE I HAVE NOT HEARD FROM HER.

SIR,I HAVE CHOOSEN HER AS MY WIFE,I WOULD LIKE YOU TO STAY OFF FROM HER IN TIMES OF SEXAUL INTERCOURSE AS IT IS FORBIDDEN IN OUR CULTURE HERE IN AFRICA.PLEASE SIR,UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN FOR THE BENEFIT OF BOTH OF US IN THE FUTURE.

IF SHE IS FEELING SEXY, I WILL SATISIFY HER BY THE TIME WE ARE LEGALLY MARRIED AS HUSBAND AND WIFE IN THE NEAR FUTURE.

SIR,FOR NOW LETS FACE OUR FOOTBALL BUSINESS SQUALLY AS THIS IS GOING TO BENEFIT ALL OF US IN THE FUTURE.SIR,REMEMBER THAT I MUST HAVE MY SHARE IN ANY OF THE PLAYERS I INTRODUCE TO YOU,AT LEAST GOOD 30% PERCENT OF THE TOTAL SIGNOR FEE FROM ANY CLUB IN EUROPE OR AMERICA.AND AS SOON AS YOU ARE HERE NO PLAYER WILL BY CUT ME TO SEE YOU.ALL MUST COME THROUGH ME TO SEE YOU.PLEASE SIR,THIS IS DEAL.LETS MAINTAIN EACH OTHERS STAND IN THIS FOOTBALL BUSINESS.

THANKS AND STILL LET JOAN TO CALL ME.SHE IS MY WIFE.NO TWO WAYS ABOUT IT.FOR BETTER,FOR WORSE.
SINCERELY YOURS
SOLOMON CHUKS DANIEL.

JUAN KERR

No problem Danny. We will not have sex, do not worry yourself with this. I have tried to contact Joan a couple of times now and am waiting her response, I have also left a couple of messages that she should send you a mail as soon as possible to ensure she is okay. I do know though that she is currently acting in a television show called Holby City (this is how I know her), it is quite good, you would not recognise her in her dark wig etc.
Please, our marketing people are getting jittery, can you confirm the photograph with the team line up and ' STICK TO JUANKING NIGERIANS' as a big sign in front of the team will be ready for early next week. The marketing people now keep asking as West Africa is our last untapped market.

thanks, Juan.

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

DEAR SIR,
THANKS FOR YOUR EFFORT TO PASS MY MESSAGE TO MY WIFE JOAN. PLEASE REGARDS TO MY CLUB GROUP PHOTO YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT,DID YOU NOT RECEIVED THOSE THAT I SENT TO YOU YESTERDAY?PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU DID NOT RECEIVED IT SO THAT I CAN RE-SEND IT BACK TO YOU IMMEDIATELY.
SIR,LET ME EXACTLY WHEN YOU AND MY WIFE IS COMING DOWN TO THIS PLACE AS YOU EARLIER PROMISED,BECAUSE I WANT THOSE PLAYERS AND MYSELF TO BE OVER IN EUROPE OR USA BY NEXT SESSION TO START THE FOOTBALL GAME.
THANKS AND GET BACK TO ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
YOURS SINCERELY
DAN-SOLO.

JUAN KERR

Yes, I received that, thank you very much. As I said you are all looking very fine and fit. What I need though is the picture with the team holding up a huge sign, which you can make over the weekend (and give you something to do when not chasing hunting monkeys).
As per my previous e-mail, this sign should read
'STICK TO JUANKING NIGERIANS'
This photo of your team with our company logo will be used for all our advertising in West Africa.

PLEASE CONFIRM THIS PHOTO WITH THE SIGN WILL BE AVAILABLE. WE NEED THIS FOR OUR MARKETING DEPARTMENT.

Please also note, you asked for 30% of any transfer fees should any of the players become succesful. This I cannot do. I can off 15% of any fees. Should you be the player who finds a club, such as Manchester United, Real Madrid, or Third Lanark, you will yourself get 10% of any fee, I will keep 10%, and also keep 10% of any salaries you make throughout your professional footballing career. As you are such a good looking boy, I would anticipate a modelling career also, from which I will keep 25% of any monies earned.
Is this okay? Please let me know by way of confirmation.

I have tried to contact your wife to be again with no success. I can only hope there is nothing wrong.

best regards
Juan Kerr
JuanKing Corporation

JUAN KERR

First please confirm one thing - you sign as Dan Solo - are you sure this is your real name??? It is similar to a film star in America, I hope you do not joke with me!!!

Also, change of plan with the big sign. Our marketing department now want the big sign to read

'WE LOVE JUANKING IN NIGERIA'

With all the players standing behind it holding up the sign. The sign must be clear to anyone looking at the picture. If required the message can be sorted to
'WE LOVE JUANKING'

This is very important, until I have the picture, our finance department will not release funds to me to travel down to Cote D'Ivoire.

thanks, Juan.

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

DEAR JUAN,

PLEASE SIR,DO NOT MISUNDERSTOOD ME.MY NAME IS DANIEL,MY FATHERS NAME IS SOLOMON,WHILE MY MIDDLE NAME IS CHUKS.SO IF I SAID THAT MY NAME IS DAN SOLO,I AM NOT MISTAKEN.THAT IS THE NAME THAT WILL BE WRITTEN AT THE BACK OF MY JERSCY IF I SIGN ANY CLUB IN EUROPE OR AMERICA.

RESPECT YOUR VEIW ABOUT THE PERCENTAGE ISSUE.I AGREE WITH YOU AS LONG NOBODY WILL CHEAT EACH OTHER.I WILL MEET MY CLUB MEMBERS TOMORROW AFTER TRAINING SECTION AND DISCUSS WITH REGARDS TAKE A GROUP PHOTO STATING 'WE LOVE JUANKING IN NIGERIA'

THANKS FOR NOW
SINCERELY YOURS
DAN SOLO.

went ahead and sent him this. By now I knew my clumsy URLs were going over his head, and if he printed this off and showed it to his team mates I might just get my picture...

JUAN KERR

Print off the attached, this will show them how big we are, and how important we are. We need the team photo with the big sign. Let me know what you think Danny............

http://cgi.mvsewell.plus.com/cgi-bin/news.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.uefa.com%
2Ffootballcentral%2Ftransfers%2Findex.html&a=Chronological&b=Juan+Kerr+has+
negotiated+the+following&c=order&d=swap+deals.++Check+back+soon+for+availabilty+
of+some+talented+young+africans.&e=website&f=availabilty+of+some+talented+
young+africans.&g=Latest&h=JuanKing+Corporation&i=European&j=are+currently+
involved+in+&k=transfers&l=negotiations+in+Cote+D%27Ivoire+-+more+soon...&m=
goodbye+to+Barcelona&n=hello+to+millions+of+%24%24%24%24%2C+thanks+to+
JuanKing+Corporation&o=EFE&p=JuanKing+Corporation&q=&r=&s=&t=&x=70&y=26

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

DEAR SIR,
IT IS MY GREAT PLEASURE OF HAPPINESS THAT I AM WRITING BACK TO YOU NOW.I MET WITH THE ENTIRE MEMBERS OF MY CLUB CO UPLED WITH MY COACH FEDERICK WHICH YOU CAN EASILY REACH ON TEL:+225 05 84 97 76 EMAIL:ULIBFC@hotmail.com AND SHOW HIM EXACTLY THE PRINT OUT OF WHAT YOU ORGANISATION WAS ABLE TO DO IN TRANSFERRING PLAYERS ALL OVER EUROPE AND HE WAS IMMPRESS AND SAID THAT THE FOOTBALL TEAM UNITED LIBERIAN FOOTBALL CLUB(ULIBFC)IS EVER READY TO GIVE YOU THE BEST PLAYERS WHICH CONSIST NIGERIANS IN PARTICULAR.HE FURTHER SAID THAT THE TEAM TAKING A GROUP PHOTO WITH A BANNER JUAN KING FOR NIGERIANS DOES NOT MATTER MUCH BUT WHAT MATTERS IS THE CALIBER OF PLAYERS THE CLUB IS ABOUT TO OFFER TO YOU MATTERS.
IN A NUTSHELL,HE SAID THAT YOU SHOULD IMMEDIATELY USE THAT GROUP PHOTO WHICH I HAVE ALREADY SENT TO YOU TO START YOUR ADVERTISMENT ALL OVER EUROPE,AMERICA AND ASIA AND AS WELL ARRANGE YOUR COMING DOWN TO THIS PLACE TO SEE GOOD PLAYERS FOR YOURSELF.
SO SIR,THIS IS A GOODNEWS FOR US.LETS SET THE BALL ROLLING.ALL IS ON YOU NOW.ARRANGE FOR YOUR COMING DOWN TO THIS PLACE WITH MY WIFE JOAN.I AM ANXIOUSLY WAITING TO RECEIVED YOU PEOPLE HOSPITABLY HERE IN ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE AND EVER READY TO GO BACK WITH YOU PEOPLE BACK TO USA AS SOON AS THE SCREENING EXERCISE IS FINISH.
SIR,KINDLY HAVE A LOOK AT MY CLUB ID ATTACHED.
THANKS AND CONFIRM TO ME YOUR DIRECT PHONE AND FAX NUMBER SO THAT SOME TIMES I CAN EASILY CALL YOU ON PHONE FOR VERBAL DISCUSSION.
YOURS SINCERELY OBEDIENT PLAYER
DAN-SOLO.

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

DEAR JUAN

I AM STILL PATIENTLY WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU WHEN YOU ARE COMING DOWN TO THIS PLACE WITH MY WIFE JOAN..

THANKS AND CALL ME SIR.
SINCERELY YOURS OBEDIENT PLAYER.
DAN-SOLO.

JUAN KERR

Juan Kerr wrote:
Sorry, I have been watching players today. Please ensure the photo with the big 'WE LOVE JUANKING' sign is sent to me for Monday or Tuesday.

thanks, Juan

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

Date: Mon, 30 Jun 2003 10:32:06 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: I AM STILL TRYING MY BEST TO CONVIENCE THE CLUB.

DEAR SIR

THANKS FOR YOUR MESSAGE.THE ISSUE OF THE CLUB TAKING GROUP PHOTO WITH A BANNER,WE LOVE JUAN KING IS STILL WHAT IS HOLDING THE WHOLE THING.ALL THIS SAME I AM STILL TRYING BY BEST TO SEE IF I CAN CONVIENCE THE THE CLUB AND IT MANAGEMENT

SO SIR,THIS IS WHERE WE ARE IN THE STREAM OF TIME.

THANKS AND RE-CONFIRM YOUR DIRECT TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBER TO ME YOURS OBEDIENT PLAYER
DAN-SOLO.

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

DEAR SIR,

PLEASE SIR,DESPITE THAT I AM FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO CONVINCE MY CLUB REGARDS TAKING A GROUP PHOTO WITH A BANNER NAMED WE LOVE JUAN KING.PLEASE TRY TO CONSIDER ME AND SEE A WAY TO HELP ME OUT BECAUSE I AM WASTING AWAY HERE WITH MY GOD GIVEN TALENT.PLEASE SIR,TRY TO CONVINCE YOUR ORGANISATION TO RELEASE FUNDS FOR YOU TO COME DOWN TO THIS PLACE AND SEE TALENTED FOOTBALLERS BY YOURSELF.I PROMISE YOU THAT.BELIVED ME,YOU WILL DEFINATELY GAIN IT THREE FOLD.

THANKS IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING
YOURS OBEDIENT PLAYERS
DAN-SOLO.

JUAN KERR

Daniel son, As you are our main contact, the finance department have agreed to use a photo of you, YES YOU!, as our marketing tool in Africa. Please send a photo of you holding up a small placard with I LOVE JUANKING on it. That would be ideal.

thanks, Juan.

Sorry, I have been very busy recently, I was involved (on a very small scale) with the Beckham deal to Real Madrid and this has been taking up a lot of my time.

And unbelievably, the photo arrives.

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

DEAR DAD,

GOOD DAY DAD.I HAVE SUCCEEDED IN TAKEN THE PHOTO
WITH BANNER,I LOVE JUAN KING AND IT IS ATTACHED BELOW.

DAD,YOU CAN GO AHEAD NOW ADVERTISE TALENTED AFRICAN PLAYERS
IN DIFFERENTS CLUB ACROSS EUROPE BEFORE YOUR COMING DOWN
TO THIS PLACE FOR THE SCREENING EXERCISE.I ASSURED GIVEN YOU
THE BEST PLAYERS WILLING TO UP LIFT THE IMAGE OF SOCCER TO THE
GREATEST HEIGHT IN THE WORLD OF SOCCER ACROSS EUROPE.

DAD,PLEASE THERE ARE SOMETHING I WANT TO REMIND YOU OF,YOU
SHOULD TRY AS MUCH AS YOU CAN TO COME DOWN TO THIS PLACE
WITH SETS OF TRAINING KITS AS THERE ARE GOING TO BE OTHER PLAYERS
WHICH I WILL INVITE FROM OTHER CLUBS AROUND.

DAD,WE BE COMPITENT COMLETELY EQUIPED WILL HELP TO AVOID MY CLUB
RAISING AN EYE-BROW ON US.SO WE NEEDS OUR OWN TRAINING KITS AND
HIRED OUR OWN TRAINING PITCH OR GROUND FOR THE SCREENING EXERCISE
WHICH AT LEAST WILL TAKE US ONE WEEK AT MOST.

DAD,PLEASE AS SOON AS YOU RECEIVED MY SCAN PHOTO JUST CALL ME
IMMEDIATELY TO INFORM ME ACCORDINGLY.

THANKS AS I AM WAITING TO RECEIVE YOU HERE VERY SOON FOR THE
SCREENING EXERCISE.
SINCERELY YOURS OBEDIENT PLAYER
DAN-SOLO.

He looked so familiar, and then bingo!

Time to do a bit of digging into his background. We know he is a scammer on the side, let.s see if he.ll admit to his nefarious character..

JUAN KERR

Excellent Danny. Now all we need is a couple of answers to ensure we can use your image rights worldwide.

1. Do you have a clean criminal record.
2. Have you at any time been involved in any illegal activities.
3. How do you intend to support your wife to be once you move to the USA to be with her?
4. How many sexual partners have you had. (This is very important due to AIDS concerns in our country).

Your wife to be has asked again if it is possible for her to have sex with me, can you grant this most important approval to me before we continue? She has promised to wear a leather basque, boots and long gloves, all of which I find very hard to turn down. I will of course ensure that she has the best sex she has ever had, this should keep her satisfied until you eventually marry.
Please let me know as soon as possible as she's promised to swallow and everything.
best regards, and talk to you soon,
Juan.

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

Received: from [213.136.104.6]
Date: Mon, 7 Jul 2003 03:25:14 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: DAD,CALL ME PLEASE.

DEAR DAD,
THANKS FOR YOUR PROMPT RESPONSE.DAD,NOTE THAT I HAVE ALREADY INFORMED MANY PLAYERS ABOUT YOUR COMING DOWN TO PICK THEM FOR EUROPE SOCCER.PLEASE DAD,DON'T DISAPPOINT ME. REGARDS TO YOUR QUESTIONS.PLEASE SEE THE ANWSERS BELOW.
1.I DON'T HAVE ANY CRIMINAL RECORD,NEITHER DO I WANT TO HAVE IT.
2.DAD,SINCE MY CHILD HOLD,ALL MY LIFE HAVE BEEN ON FOOTBALL ORIENTED MATTERS.
3.I WOULD LIKE MY WIFE TO WORK WITH ME AS ONE IN ALL MY ENDEAVOURS BOTH MY FOOTBALL CARRIER AND ANY OTHER BUSINESS INVESTMENT WE MAY HAVE IN THE FUTURE.ONCE WE ARE MARRIED,NOTHING WILL SPERATE US,EXERPT DEATH.
4.I HARDLY GO AFTER GIRLS DO TO MY FAMILY UP BRINGING.SO I DON'T ANY SEXUAL PARTNER FOR NOW.

PLEASE DAD,LIKE I TOLD YOU LAST TIME,DON'T HAVE ANY SEX WITH MY WIFE AS THIS IS VERY WRONG.DON'T DO IT PLEASE.LET MY WIFE CALL ME.I WANT TO TALK TO HER.

DAD,PLEASE CALL ME IMMEDIATELY.

SINCERELY YOURS OBEDIENT PLAYER
DAN-SOLO

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

DEAR DAD,

THE PLAYERS ARE DISTURBING ME.THEY ARE WILLING TO PLAY.
PLEASE LET ME KNOW THE THROUGH POSITION OF THINGS.
THANKS AND GOD BLESS
SINCERELY YOURS

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

Received: from [213.136.105.158]
Date: Tue, 8 Jul 2003 06:41:14 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: DAD,PLEASE KINDLY CALL ME IMMEDIATELY.

DAD,

NO,THE PLAYERS ARE COMING FROM DIFFERRENT CLUBS. SO JUST ACCEPT THAT OF MY PHOTO WITH BANNER I LOVE JUAN KING.

DAD,PLEASE CALL ME,I WANT TO HEAR YOUR VOICE.
SINCERELY YOURS
DAN-SOLO.

JUAN KERR

Daniel son, Does this mean they are willing to pose with a big banner with 'WE LOVE JUANKING' ?? This would be more than ideal.
I have sent the photo of you with the sign to my marketing dept and am waiting their response.

Juan.

I have been busy with Zola - please see attached...

http://cgi.mvsewell.plus.com/cgi-bin/news.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fnews.bbc.co.uk%
2Fsport1%2Fhi%2Ffootball%2Fteams%2Fc%2Fchelsea%2F3051260.stm&a=Chelsea&b=
JuanKing+Corporation&c=Stamford+Bridge&d=Juan+Kerr&e=Ranieri+in+quit+threat&f=
JuanKing+Cote+D%27Ivoire+deal+in+jeopardy&g=&h=&i=&j=&k=&l=&m=&n=&o=&p=&q=&r=
&s=&t=&x=81&y=38

From another e-mail address (posing as Bill Smith . the son), I sent him this. If it.s going to be this easy, might as well get an .IMA FOWUNINER. (say it out loud) picture!

THE TIMES 9th July 2003

Juan Kerr in Horror Murder

Television mogul, Juan Kerr was today involved in a horror murder. Juan, who was believed to be close to wrapping up a deal to sign a young Nigerian footballer from Cote D.Ivoire was murdered after refusing to have sex with his long term friend, Joan Mellencamp. Joan, who recently became engaged to the footballer Mr Kerr was in dealings with, is understood to have become increasingly frustrated by Mr. Kerr.s unwillingness to go the whole way with Ms Mellencamp. Mr. Kerr is alleged to have tried to keep the relationship purely platonic (apart from the odd oral sex). Police are understood to be enroute to Cote D.Ivoire to interview the footballer as they believe he may have incited Ms Mellencamp to carry out the dastardly deed. Mr Kerr who was 62 is well known in footballing circles as the man who first spotted the raw talent of African stars such as Kanu, Zidane and Kuntah Kinteh. Flight tickets for him and Ms Mellencamp stamped for arrival in Abidjan this Sunday were found in Mr Kerr.s apartment. Also found was 14 suitcases containing training tops, football strips and $24,000 in cash. The cash was apparently earmarked as signing fees for any talented players and as a finders fee for Mr Kerr.s contact in Cote D.Ivoire.

Mr. Kerr.s company, the JuanKing Corporation have recently been involved in a world wide attempt to produce a documentary showing the national differences between footballers. He recently announced the pending signature of the Nigerian footballer as his face of African Soccer, which would have been worth approx. $6,000,000 (SIX MILLION DOLLARS) and would have made the young footballer a Six million dollar man. Now of course, the unknown starlet will no doubt never find a way out of the Abidjan slums, and may eventually end up in a life of crime. Possibly following many of his compatriots in the Nigerian Advance Fee Fraud. Mr. Kerr is survived by his only son, Bill Smith, who owns the IMA FOWUNINER business, also involved in the football scouting and television business. Mr. Smith has asked for messages of condolence to be sent to Mr Kerr.s usual e-mail address.

Ms. Mellencamp is believed to be in hiding and may well have travelled to Cote D.Ivoire. Police have issued a warrant for her arrest and instructed officers to shoot to kill due to the extremely violent nature of the attack on Mr Kerr, where both his penis and head were severed.

- reuters -

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

DEAR BROTHER BILL.

ARE YOU SERIOUS OF WHAT I SAW IN THE ATTACHED WHICH YOU SENT TO ME ?THIS CANNOT BE TRUE.YOU ARE JOKING.CAN YOU CALL ME ON PHONE NUMBER +22505663907 SO THAT WE CAN HAVE A BRIEF TALK.

BILL PLEASE CALL ME WRITE AWAY.

DANNY

BILL (KERR) SMITH

Unfortunately Daniel it is true. That evil bitch Mellencamp did it, and she's disappeared. Will you let me know if she tries to contact you? I have take over my fathers business. He has left many documents about you and I am very impressed. I would like to keep in touch, is this okay. Please note though that the company has changed it's name to FOWUNINER. Therefore we will need a new photo from you. This should read 'I'M A FOWUNINER'
this should be done as soon as possible, as we are trying to ensure my father's death causes minimum disruption to the company. As you can imagine, he had a lot of deals going on at the moment in the middle of the close season (unfortunately, I don't know if you are aware, but the last thing he did was involving Gianfranco Zola of Chelsea, to his eternal regret he could not persuade him to remain in the premiership). Please send me the new photo and let me know if Ms Mellencamp contacts you. We will be able to pay $$$ for information on Ms Mellencamp.
If you or any of your teammates want to leave messages of condolence, please use my father's previous e-mail address at JUANKINGCORP@YAHOO.CO.UK
I will contact you soon as soon as I have finalised funeral arrangements. Please don't let this harm you in your quest to reach the top in football. My Father had much hope in you.

Bill (Kerr) Smith.
v

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

DEAR BROTHER BILL

I AM STILL NOT BELIVED THAT DAD IS DEAD BECAUSE HE WROTE ME A MAIL YESTERDAY AFTERNOON ABOUT HOW HE HAS GIVE MY PHOTO TO THE MARKETING DEPARTMENT OF THE COMPANY TO ADVERTISE IT BEFORE HE IS COMING DOWN TO THIS PLACE FOR THE SCREENING EXERCISE.
IF TRUELY THAT DAD IS DEAD,I WOULD HAVE SEEN IT IN THE BBC NEWS THIS EVERNING BECAUSE DAD IS NOT A SMALL PERSON.HE IS CONNECTED TO FIFA WHICH IS THE WORLD BODY OF FOOTBALL.I HAVE SEARCH AND SEARCH BBC NEWS BUT I COULD NOT FIND IT.CAN YOU PLEASE SCAN HIS DEAD BODY PHOTO AND SEND FOR ME TO BE SURE OF WHAT YOU ARE SAYING IS TRUE.BILL UNDERSTAND THAT DAD IS VERY DEAR TO ME.HE CAN JUST LIVE ME LIKE THAT WITHOUT FULLFILLING HIS MISSION IN MY LIFE OF FOOTBALL.
I HAVE BEEN CRYING SINCE I HEARD THE URGLY NEWS FROM YOU.MY HOPE OF PLAYING FOOTBALL IS AS IF IT LOST BECAUSE DAD HAD A GOOD PLANS FOR ME TO BE IN ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR FOOTBALL CLUBS IN EUROPE.I HAVE SENT ALL MY DATAS TO HIM AND HE IS OK WITH THEM WILLING TO HELP ME.NOW TELL ME WHAT WILL I DO.ARE SURE YOU WILL HELP JUST AS DAD HAD WANTED TO HELP ME?WHY DID YOU JUST WANT TO CHANGE THE NAME OF THE COMPANY TO YOUR OWN NAME.REMEMBER JUAN KING CO-OPERATION IS KNOW ALL OVER THE WORLD IN THE FOOTBALL INDUSTRY.STILL MAKE USE THAT PHOTO WITH I TOOK WITH A BANNER I LOVE JUAN KING TO ADVERTISE FOR ME AND SOME OTHER TALENTED AFRICAN PLAYERS WHICH I WANT TO HANDLE OVER TO DAD.
JOAN OF A WOMAN HAVE NOT WRITTEN ME FOR COUPLE OF DAYS NOW BUT COUNT ON ME THAT IF SHE HAPPEN TO WRITE ME,I WILL DEFINATELY LET YOU TO KONW.
IF WHAT YOU ARE SAYING IS TRUTH,JUST CALL ME NOW
YOUR BELOVED BROTHER
DANNY

BILL (KERR) SMITH

Daniel Brother, You are correct. I am currently located in Amsterdam and I had not been able to get through to my father's associates since yesterday. I have spoken to my father and he is fine, there is nothing wrong with him. This appears to have been a cruel hoax perpretrated on me and you by criminals. It seems that they were to try and extort me for money under the pretence they would travel to Abidjan and find my fathers killers for me.
I believe he is shocked that this will happen and will contact you today. I also spoke with Joan and she will also contact you today. I believe she wants permission to have sex with my father to help him recuperate after this extreme shock. If you do not wish this to happen you should send Joan an e-mail pleading with her to keep her quivering mound sacred to you.
So, the content of your e-mail is received and well understood. But do not worry, my father is safe, and will contact you to take this thing forward as soon as possible.
regards, Bill
IMA FOWUNINER.

Then a little scam.in joke. to wind him up a bit and explain the name change.

BILL (KERR) SMITH

Daniel Brother, I should also add, the name of the company is changing anyway. My father's associate (Mr King) had decided to leave the company (he was sacked after embezzling thousands of dollars from the company in order to release funds left in an escrew account by the late Sani Abacha. - unfortunately this appears to have been some sort of fraud?). Anyway it would appear the company name is changing to avoid the bad publicity which may come from this case. I'm sure my father will keep you informed.

Bill.

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

(This went to Juan Kerr)

DEAR DAD,

GOOD DAY DAD.I AM STILL WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU OVER MY LAST EMAIL MESSAGE.

SINCERELY YOURS OBEDIENT PLAYER

DAN-SOLO.

Being two people is too much work, (don.t know how the scammers do it what with having to be attorneys, one minute, the dead son of somebody the next). So I decide to push the envelope as far as his lovely wife is concerned..

JUAN KERR

Daniel Son,
Has my son Bill contacted you? Please - do not believe a word he says about my death. I am safe, and am currently enjoying having my dick sucked by your lovely wife to be. It appears that my good for nothing son is trying to fake my death in order to claim a life assurance. How he thinks he'll get away with it I don't know. After all, answer me this - had you heard of me before I contacted you? Let me know - I would have thought so, that is how well known I am in the footballing world.
Joan is here and sends greetings. She came round last night after the police had stopped interviewing us about this cruel hoax. She was wearing a leather basque, knee length boots (with a nice big heel), black stockings and crotchless leather panties. I am ashamed to admit that I defeated myself and we found ourselves in bed at it like a pair of rabbits who had only met again after 20 years as a result of the well known website Rabbits Reunited. Man, you are going to be a lucky man once she gets down there (and when I say 'down there' you know what I mean, right?).
So, please stay tight and we will see this thing through.
Unfortunately, I have one real piece of bad news. My partner is business Mr King, has had to leave the company. He recently lost $185,000 of the company's money in some sort of fraud involving the son of dead Nigerian president Sani Abacha. Therefore I have had to rename the company with immediate effect in order to avoid bad publicity. It will be called 'FOWUNINER'. Sadly this means I need another picture of you Daniel. Can you arrange this quickly for me please?
This one should read 'IAMA FOWUNINER'

thanks, and keep it real,
Juan (and Joan).

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

Received: from [213.136.105.166]
Date: Wed, 9 Jul 2003 08:45:19 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: DAD,THANK GOD YOU ARE ALIVE.

DEAR DAD

I AM HAPPY TO HEAR THAT YOU ARE ALIVE.WHEN BILL SPREAD THE BAD NEWS TO ME YESTERDAY I FELT HOT INSIDE ME AND CRIED ALL NIGHT LONG,ALTHOUGH I DID NOT BELIEVED IT.I WENT STREIGHT TO INTERNET TO FIND OUT FROM BBC NEWS BECAUSE DAD YOU ARE A WORLD FIGOR CONNECTED TO FIFA.EVEN IF SOMETHING LIKE THAT HAPPEN,IT MUST APPEAR IN THE WORLD NEWS AND BBC NEWS.BUT GLORY BE TO GOD IN THE HIGHEST PLACE THAT YOU ARE ALIVE.

DAD,YOUR PARTNER THAT FALL PREY TO NIGERIAN SCAM ARTIST IS STUPID.YOU SHOULD HAVE CONTACTED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE TO FIND OUT THE TRUTH BEFORE HE INVEST HIS MONEY IN SUCH STUPID BUSINESS.ANY WAY THAT I HAVE HEARD WHAT YOU SAID,I WILL TRY AS MUCH AS I CAN TO TAKE ANOTHER PHOTO BUT THE PROBLEM NOW IS THAT I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY WITH ME NOW.I KNOW HOW I MANAGED TO TOOK THE PHOTO WHICH IN SENT TO YOU LAST TIME.

DAD,EXTEND MY WARMEST GREETING TO MY WIFE,SHE SHOULD WRITE ME A LETTER IMMEDIATELY AND TELL BILL TO STOP SCRACHING MY EMOTION.I DON'T LIKE IT AT ALL.DEATH IS NOT SOMETHING TO JOKE WITH.

DAD,TRY TO LET ME KNOW EXACTLY WHEN YOU ARE COMING DOWN TO THIS PLACE WITH MY WIFE FOR THE SCREENING EXERCISE.THE BOYS ARE WORRIED.THEY WANT TO PLAY.

THANKS AND REMAIN ALIVE FOR ME DAD.
YOURS BELOVED SON
DANNY ALIAS DAN-SOLO.

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

DAD,

GOOD DAY TO YOU.DID YOU RECEIVED MY MESSAGE OF YESTERDAY?PLEASE I NEED AN ANWSER FROM YOU.

BEST REGARDS

DAN-SOLO (SON)

BILL (KERR) SMITH

Dan-solo, Yes I received your message and it's contents are well understood. Sorry, but I am quite busy sorting out the mess my partner made. Do you know anything of these Nigerian fraudsters? Are they dangerous - what kinds of things do they do to the people who travel to meet them?

Please arrange for the photo - IAMA FOWUNINER as soon as you are able.

thanks, Juan.

(I must go now, as Joan is bent over my desk waiting for me to take her roughly).

After sending me about 5 e-mails in one day asking me to respond.

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

DAD,

I HAVE WRITTEN TO YOU SEVERAL TIMES AND YOU HAVE NOT REPLIED.IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT WITH YOU? I HOPE YOU ARE SOUND ENOUGH.PLEASE LET ME KNOW YOUR PRESENT CONDITION OF HEALTH.

THANKS

SINCERELY YOURS BELOVED SON

DANNY

BILL (KERR) SMITH

ey, ey, calm down, calm down.

I am very busy today. Please, I will contact you as soon as I receive your picture with 'IAMA FOWUNINER', please do whatever you can to raise funds. My health is fine, your wife to be is doing all she can to ensure I am having a good time. I'm sure you do not mind? I just hope she does not fall pregnant before she marries you!! ha ha!!!

Please, you seemed to know about these Nigerian fraudsters who have let me down so badly in the face of God. Can you tell me more about it. I want to know what would have happened to Mr King had he gone ahead and met the men in Lagos. This is most important son, I must know as soon as possible what happens once the defrauded people reach their destination.

thanks,
Juan
(your ever loving Daddy)

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

Received: from [213.136.96.105]
Date: Fri, 11 Jul 2003 07:01:50 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: I WILL TRY TO TAKE ANOTHER PHOTO DAD

DAD

I WILL SEE WHAT I CAN DO TO TAKE ANOTHER PHOTO BUT WRITE NOW I AM FINANCIALLY DOWN FRANCKLY SPEAKING.

DAD,I MUST TELL YOU THE TRUTH,I DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU ARE DOING WITH MY WIFE.IF SOMEBODY SHOULD DO THAT TO YOU,WILL YOU LIKE IT.REMEMBER THE GOLDEN RULE RECORDED IN THE BIBLE BOOK OF MATTHEW CHAPTER 7 VERSE 12.TRY TO READ IT VERY WELL DAD.

TELL JOAN THAT I AM NOT HAPPY WITH HER THE WAY SHE IS DOING THINGS.I AM FAITHFUL WITH HER BUT SHE IS NOT TO ME.WHY?.

DAD,TRY TO CONFIRM YOUR DIRECT TELEPHONE NUMBER TO ME AND ALWAYS GET IN TOUCH WITH ME BECAUSE EACH MINUTE I DID NOT READ YOUR MESSAGE I BECAME ALLOYED AND WORRIED.

DISCUSS WITH ME FOOTBALL ORIENTED MATTERS PLEASE AND STOP ASKING ME WHAT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT.PLEASE DAD.

THANKS AND CALL ME DAD
YOURS BELOVED SON
DANNY.

Shit, he.s sussed out the FOWUNINER thing I think.

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

DAD,
GOOD DAY TO YOU DAD.DAD,PLEASE I WANT TO KNOW THE MEANING OF I AM A FOWUNINER?
CAN YOU JUST EXPLAIN IT TO ME?.I PREFER YOU USING YOUR REAL NAME, LIKE FOR EXAMPLE, JUAN KERR CO-OPERATION.
IT SOUNDS MORE BETTER THAN THIS FOWUNINER.
PLEASE REPLY ME BACK IMMEDIATELY SO THAT I WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT.
THANKS AND GREAT JOAN AND BILL FOR ME
YOURS BELOVED SON
DANNY.

BILL (KERR) SMITH

Daniel, IAMA FOWUNINER is the name of our new venture. The IAMA section means company (the company is registered for tax purposes in Iceland), and the FOWUNINER bit is Icelandic for African Footballer. In Iceland if you form a company the company name must be in Icelandic.

Are you really telling me that you don't like FOWUNINER and you would prefer to stick to JUANKING? Sorry but this is not possible.

Hope this is okay, send the pic as soon as possible.

your beloved papa.
Juan

(PS Joan is away making a new film at the moment. Sex Machine V The Violator - she will be in touch soon, she promises. We have also taken your comments regarding faithfulness and we have agreed to stop having sex (with each other - she's still throwing it about to anyone who'll give her it like!))

DANNY THE FOOTBALLER (soccer_is_life_2002ci@yahoo.com)

Date: 19 Jul 2003, 07:57:58 AM
Subject: I AM FOWUNINER PHOTO ATTACHED DAD.

DEAR BELOVED DAD,

SORRY FOR THE DELAY IN SENDING THE PHOTO TO YOU.LIKE I TOLD YOU LAST TIME,I HAVE FINANCIAL PROBLEM HERE,EVEN I AM FINDING THINGS DIFFICULT.DAD I WANT TO LEAVE TO COME OVER THERE IN AMERICAN OR EUROPE WHERE I WILL SHOW CASE MY GOD GIVEN TALENT.

TELL MY WIFE TO WRITE TO ME AS I AM WORRIED ABOUT HER NON-RESPONSE TOWARDS MY MAILS TO HER SEVERAL OCCATIONS.

ALSO TELL BILL TO WRITE TO ME AS WELL.

DAD,PLEASE I AM EXPECTING YOUR QUICK RESPONSE TOWARDS THIS PHOTO I HAVE ATTACHED TO YOU REGARDS WHEN YOU ARE COMING DOWN TO THIS PLACE AS ALL THE PLAYERS ARE WORRIED DISTURBING ME EVERY DAY AND NIGHT.

LASTLY DAD,PLEASE I BENT MY KNEES ON THE GROUND FOR YOU,KIND GIVE ME YOUR DIRECT PHONE SO THAT I CAN CALL YOU ANY TIME OF THE DAY.
DAD,CALL ME UPON THE RECEIPT OF THIS PHOTO

THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU AND EXTEND MY GREETINGS TO MY WIFE AND BILL
SINCERELY YOURS BELOVED SON
DANNY.

The editor at Kickoff (www.kickoff.com and www.kickoffnigeria.com) was pretty amused by all this and may have run a story on Danny's football hopes, because Danny seems upset: