However you feel about Saddam Hussein, this may tickle your funny bone. (Whether it makes sense is another matter - does it really seem logical or self-interested for someone with oil company involvement to support an embargo on an oil-producing country or take actions which may lead to damaged oil installations?)(Maybe someone will come up with a Saddam version? How many billions has he got tucked away?)
IMMEDIATE ATTENTION NEEDED: HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL FROM: GEORGE WALKER BUSH Dear Sir/Madam, I am George Walker Bush, son of the former President of the United States of America George Herbert Bush, and currently serving as President of the United States of America. This letter might surprise you because we have not met neither in person nor by correspondence. I came to know of you in my search for a reliable and reputable person to handle a very confidential business transaction, which involves the transfer of a huge sum of money to an account requiring maximum confidence. I am writing you in absolute confidence primarily to seek your assistance in acquiring oil funds that are presently trapped in the Republic of Iraq. My partners and I solicit your assistance in completing a transaction begun by my father, who has long been actively engaged in the extraction of petroleum in the United States of America, and bravely served his country as director of the United States Central Intelligence Agency. In the decade of the nineteen-eighties, my father, then Vice-President of the United States of America, sought to work with the good offices of the President of the Republic of Iraq to regain lost oil revenue sources in the neighbouring Islamic Republic of Iran. This unsuccessful venture was soon followed by a falling out with his Iraqi partner, who sought to acquire additional oil revenue sources in the neighbouring Emirate of Kuwait, a wholly-owner US-British subsidiary. My father re-seecured the petroleum assets of Kuwait in 1991 at a cost of sixty-one billion US dollars ($61,000,000,000). Out of that cost, thirty-six billion dollars ($36,000,000,000) were supplied by his partners in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and other Persian Gulf monarchies, and sixteen billio dollars ($16,000,000,000) by German and Japanese partners. But my father's former Iraqi business partner remained in control of the Republic of Iraq and its petroleum reserves. My family is calling for your urgent assistance in funding the removal of the President of the Republic of Iraq and acquiring the petroleum assets of his country, as compensation for removing him from power. Unfortunately, our partners from 1991 are not willing to shoulder the burden of this new venture, which in its upcoming phase may cost the sum of one hundred billion to two hundred billion dollars ($100,000,000,000 - $200,000,000,000), both in the initial acquisition and long-term management. Without the funds from our 1991 partners, we would not be able to acquire the oil revenue trapped within Iraq. That is why my family and our colleagues are urgently seeking your gracious assistance. Our distinguished colleagues in this business transaction include the sitting Vice-President of the United States of America, Richard Cheney, who is an original partner in the Iraq venture and former head of the Halliburton oil company, and Condoleeza Rice, whose professional dedication to the venture was demonstrated in the naming of a Chevron oil tanker after her. I would beseech you to transfer a sum equalling ten to twenty-five percent (10-25 %) of your yearly income to our account to aid in this important venture. The Internal Revenue Service of the United States of America will function as our trusted intermediary. I propose that you make this transfer before the fifteenth (15th) of the month of April. I know that a transaction of this magnitude would make anyone apprehensive and worried. But I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day. A bold step taken shall not be regretted, I assure you. Please do be informed that this business transaction is 100% legal. If you do not wish to co-operate n this transaction, please contact our intermediary representatives to further discuss the matter. I pray that you understand our plight. My family and our colleagues will be forever grateful. Please reply in strict confidence to te contact numbers below. Sincerely with warm regards, GEORGE WALKER BUSH |