Authorship credited to Z. Grossman (

However you feel about Saddam Hussein, this may tickle your funny bone. (Whether it makes sense is another matter - does it really seem logical or self-interested for someone with oil company involvement to support an embargo on an oil-producing country or take actions which may lead to damaged oil installations?)(Maybe someone will come up with a Saddam version? How many billions has he got tucked away?)



Dear Sir/Madam,

I am George Walker Bush, son of the former President of the
United States of America George Herbert Bush, and currently
serving as President of the United States of America.  This
letter might surprise you because we have not met neither in
person nor by correspondence.  I came to know of you in my
search for a reliable and reputable person to handle a very
confidential business transaction, which involves the
transfer of a huge sum of money to an account requiring
maximum confidence.

I am writing you in absolute confidence primarily to seek
your assistance in acquiring oil funds that are presently
trapped in the Republic of Iraq.  My partners and I solicit
your assistance in completing a transaction begun by my
father, who has long been actively engaged in the extraction
of petroleum in the United States of America, and bravely
served his country as director of the United States Central
Intelligence Agency.

In the decade of the nineteen-eighties, my father, then
Vice-President of the United States of America, sought to
work with the good offices of the President of the Republic
of Iraq to regain lost oil revenue sources in the
neighbouring Islamic Republic of Iran.  This unsuccessful
venture was soon followed by a falling out with his Iraqi
partner, who sought to acquire additional oil revenue
sources in the neighbouring Emirate of Kuwait, a
wholly-owner US-British subsidiary.

My father re-seecured the petroleum assets of Kuwait in 1991
at a cost of sixty-one billion US dollars ($61,000,000,000).
Out of that cost, thirty-six billion dollars
($36,000,000,000) were supplied by his partners in the
Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and other Persian Gulf monarchies,
and sixteen billio dollars ($16,000,000,000) by German and
Japanese partners.  But my father's former Iraqi business
partner remained in control of the Republic of Iraq and its
petroleum reserves.

My family is calling for your urgent assistance in funding
the removal of the President of the Republic of Iraq and
acquiring the petroleum assets of his country, as
compensation for removing him from power.  Unfortunately,
our partners from 1991 are not willing to shoulder the
burden of this new venture, which in its upcoming phase may
cost the sum of one hundred billion to two hundred billion
dollars ($100,000,000,000 - $200,000,000,000), both in the
initial acquisition and long-term management.

Without the funds from our 1991 partners, we would not be
able to acquire the oil revenue trapped within Iraq.  That
is why my family and our colleagues are urgently seeking
your gracious assistance.  Our distinguished colleagues in
this business transaction include the sitting Vice-President
of the United States of America, Richard Cheney, who is an
original partner in the Iraq venture and former head of the
Halliburton oil company, and Condoleeza Rice, whose
professional dedication to the venture was demonstrated in
the naming of a Chevron oil tanker after her.

I would beseech you to transfer a sum equalling ten to
twenty-five percent (10-25 %) of your yearly income to our
account to aid in this important venture.  The Internal
Revenue Service of the United States of America will
function as our trusted intermediary.  I propose that you
make this transfer before the fifteenth (15th) of the month
of April.

I know that a transaction of this magnitude would make
anyone apprehensive and worried.  But I am assuring you that
all will be well at the end of the day.  A bold step taken
shall not be regretted, I assure you.  Please do be informed
that this business transaction is 100% legal.  If you do not
wish to co-operate n this transaction, please contact our
intermediary representatives to further discuss the matter.

I pray that you understand our plight.  My family and our
colleagues will be forever grateful.  Please reply in strict
confidence to te contact numbers below.

Sincerely with warm regards,