Tushie Meshuganah, humble treasurer of the Holy Bagel Community, receives a Dead Bank Customer letter. Relatives in Malaysia - who knew?
Fortunately, although Tushie is kindly and humble, she is nobody's fool.
Faradin Ahmad Esq.
Subject: URGENT ATTENTION............REPLY BACK.
SOLICITORS AND ADVOCATES
N0 102-A2, Lot 3224
Mukim Batu Berendam, Malacca, Malaysia.
Tel: +6016-967-3228 or +60123904812.
My name is Dr Faradin Ahmad, a legal practitioner with Faradin chambers in Kuala Lumpur Malaysia.
I saw your contact and profile, and I decided that you could co-operate with me in this proposition.
I have a client who was deceased in November, 2001, in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I am contacting you because you have the same surname as my deceased client and I felt that you could help me in the distribution of funding that were left in my deceased client's bank deposit.
This deposit is to be declared UN-serviceable by the bank as there have been no indicated next of kin of next of beneficiary of the deposit. The total amount of cash deposited by my deceased client is US$4,700,000.00 (Four Million and Seven Hundred Thousand United States Dollars), only.
He confided this in me when he was alive. The bank has issued to me a notification to contact the next of kin of my deceased client to either make claim as beneficiary of the safe deposit, or to re-activate the period of deposit with a monthly surcharge of 6% to be deducted as an Escrow safe keeping fee of the deposit.
My proposition to you is to seek your consent, and to present your kind self as the next-of-kin and beneficiary of my deceased client, since you have the same last name with him. This means that the proceeds of his safe deposit would be paid to you as his next of kin or the legitimate beneficiary.
When we have the fund by our self, I want you to propose a sharing percentage for you and me. All the legal documents to back up your claim as my client's next-of-kin would be provided by me. The most important thing I would need is your honest co-operation to this proposition.
This would be done under a legitimate arrangement that would protect you from any breach of the law.
I really hope to get a positive response from you in regards to this proposal.
Faradin Ahmad Esq.
[The reader will no doubt recognize in the above a classic example of the Dead Bank Customer scam. The header is not available, but even if the e-mail came physically from Malaysia, the Catcher in this case is not necessarily Malaysian.]
[Tushie replied. That e-mail is not available, but you will be able to infer her tone from the following reply:]
Faradin Ahmad Esq.
Attn: Tushie Meshuganah,
Compliment of the day to your, however, I can understand you are having a misconception on my ideas of expression, but nevertheless, what am saying is that you have the same last name as my late client, am talking of person of Dr. Kumaran Meshuganah.
I guess I have answered your questions, and for we to proceed, kindly furnish with with the following details including a scan copy of your identity.
Personal tele……………… & fax.............
Well, they say that truth is stranger than fiction. This Dr Kamaran Meshuganah must be related to me via my late Uncle Hymie.
Anyhow, here are the details you reqested:
Name: Tushie Meshuganah
Address: Ngoblah House, 69 Scolari Avenue, London WC1 FU2
Occupation: Treasurer of The Holy Bagel Community
Personal Telephone Number: xxxxxxxxxxx [landline] xxxxxxxxxxx [mobile]
Age: Over 18
Do contact me if there is any further information I can provide.
Faradin Ahmad Esq.
Subject: RE: I called but the line wasn't clear
Attn:Attn: Tushie Meshuganah,
Thanks for your swift response to my mail, as a matter of fact I need to elaborate the next procedures to your understanding here.
As you are fully aware that this fund was not deposited on your name, the depositor left no Next Of Kin, neither do I have access to the Account. And for me to present you before the Bank that you are the Beneficiary, there are so procedures to start with, we will start be securing the following documents on your name
1. Sworn Affidavit.
2. Foreigners Legal Representation Clearance for Next of Kin Status Pronouncement.
3. Form - 75 Revised.
These documents will be obtained here in the Malaysian High Court, this Documents will qualifies you as the Next Of Kin to this deposit, this documents will be made in your Name, and the court will Approve it, then I will use this Documents to file for the claims in the Bank where this fund is deposited, and because you have gotten the Approval from the Court here, the Bank will open conversation with you demanding for your Account contact for an immediate Transfer of the Fund to your Account without delays.
These Documents will also protect you from been questioned by the Government of your country when the fund gets to you, all I need is your trust and sincerity on this business and your effort to secure this said Documents in your name.
And you have to assure me that my 60% share of the total sum will be safe under your custody when this fund gets to your Account.
Kindly read this and let me know if you are capable of handling this Transaction.
If there is anything you don't understand, feel free to ask questions. Upon your acceptance to this terms and conditions kindly get back to me with a scan copy of your international passport or Drving license.
Thank you for your prompt reply.
I do not wish to sound ungrateful but this inheritance belongs to the Meshuganah family and I feel that your demand for 60% of the admittedly large proceeds of Dr Meshuganah's estate is excessive.
Nevertheless, I accept the fact that without your assistance I may never have heard about my status as a beneficiary. Also, I would be pleased for you to act for me to complete the necessary modalities.
Therefore, I am prepared to offer you 40% of the inheritance plus any legal fees you may incur in your work that will be necaessary to bring this business to a quick and satisfactory solution.
I regret that it is impossible for me to send you copies of my personal documents as this would be contrary to the rules of The Holy Bagel Community. You may have heard of the work of this international charity although its work is mostly concerned with alleviating poverty in Africa.
Here is an outline of its work:
THE HOLY BAGEL COMMUNITY
Ngoblah House Scolari Avenue London W1 FU2
tel: 0207 230 1279 e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org
Life President: The Lord Bovril CH MC OBE
Financial Director: Sir Jack Bigstakk
Administrative Director: Lonslo Tossov,Esq
Treasurer: Mrs Tushie Meshuganah
Secretary: Dr Isa Wankah FRCS, RAC
Bankers: Kreplach Brothers Merchant Bank International PLC
The Holy Bagel Community was established by Pastor Cecil Ngoblah in 1979 to cater for the material, moral and spiritual needs of young African students and workers living in Great Britain. Although donations were received from several African states, the Community was beset by financial problems until 1998 when a student from Zambia - who at the time was renting a room in the Community's London hostel - won £9.5 million in the British National Lottery.
The student [who wishes to remain anonymous] donated £1.5 million to Pastor Ngoblah and thanks to some wise investments the Community now owns hostels in London, Manchester and Edinburgh and maintains a fund for indigents and charitable causes throughout Africa.
Any African of whatever race, colour or nationality may apply for assistance in the form of a loan or outright gift. All applications should be sent to Mrs Tushie Meshuganah at the above address or by e-mail to: email@example.com
If you require any further proof of my identity please feel free to contact Sir Jack Bigstakk [firstname.lastname@example.org] or my solicitor Mr Joseph Kucker of Kucker & Sheiss, 42 Melamed Street, London WC2 GIT
I look forward to hearing from you.
the holy bagel community: an aside
[For further background on this sect, visit http://www.freewebs.com/tushiem/.
To: email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org
Dear Mr Ahmad,
As you have not replied to the e-mail below, I am resending it to both your addresses in case it had not reached you.
I look forward to hearing from you again.
Still no reply from you. AT LEAST HAVE THE COURTESY TO ACKNOWLEDGE MY LETTER.
[More to come?! Have they given up so easily? We didn't even get to the part about Western Union!]