Arnold Fannerman, Arnold Fannerman

The brilliant correspondence between "Arnold Fannerman" and "Chief Shola Rhodes". There is nothing to stop a Lad from using the name of a real dignitary, and most non-Nigerians don't know who is who in Nigerian government and politics. (Hint, if you get an e-mail from George Bush asking you to help him claim his lost inheritance, the sender is probably not really George Bush.) Anyone who falls for this scam and actually meets a Lad (DON'T!) will be met by well-dressed types, given the red carpet treatment, and be well treated right up to the moment he is ripped off. The Lads must have watched every episode of Mission Impossible. They are highly skilled crooks. But on the humor front, they have met their match in Arnold Fannerman. All clever remarks, generally in {brackets}, are his.


OCTOBER 30 2001

From: Kindly Contributor
Subject: Jesus Christ joins the Lads!

Great Site! Here is a letter I received yesterday (10/29/01). I sent an email back, asking for more particulars, and I am sending the "clarificational" reply I got. Both letters seem to add a couple of new wrinkles, but to be perfectly honest, I have not read every one of the 140 or so letters on your site! Cheers!

Dear Friend,
Greetings in the precious name of Jesus Christ. I have received a very reliable information about you, and would like you to assist me in this transaction. However, I am Mr. James Ogar the only son to the former Chief of Army Staff Federal Republic of Nigeria who is presently in detention for an alleged felony. For the past eighteen (18) months, I have accepted Christ as my Personal Lord and Saviour, and I would like to use the sum of $15.5M (Fifteen Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) my father revealed to me that is in an underground safe in our country home, to propagate the word of Lord; like building magnificent church/ministry in your country. So I would like you to assist me in receiving these funds in your country as a brethren in Christ.

Looking forward for an urgent reply for more information regarding to this transaction through my Email address:jamesogar@yahoo.com Also send to me your phone and fax numbers for easy communication.

Thanks and God Bless.
Yours Brother in Christ.
Jame Ogar

AND THE "CLARIFICATIONAL" REPLY TO MY INQUIRY:

Your mail message to our clients (Mr. James Ogar & family) were forwarded to our Law Firm for professional appraisal. However, this is to open a direct communication with you in respect of our clients funds and by virtue of the mandate given to our Law Firm by Mr. James Ogar and family (we will henceforth refer to Mr. James Ogar as our “clients”) to follow through with you in attending to the financial proposal.

Please find our clarificational memo for your improved understanding. As you are already aware funds belonging to our clients is available for secured overseas investment with high-yield (without traces to our clients or our Law Firm) and verily in essence our clients therefore wants to secure your assistance and cooperation in respect of the intended overseas relocation of the funds currently in special safe deposit with Deutsche Bank (safe deposit unit) Hamburg Germany. For purposes of discreetness, the lodgements (crates containing the cash money) were deposited under falsely declared contents - “Law Report and Promotional Materials” belonging to our Law Firm and meant for submission in the ongoing trial of Yugoslavia war criminals in Hague.

In giving you a back-ground to the context of your expected role performance, being a neutral personality without any previous relationship with us or our clients, you will serve as cover for the fund movement with out traces because already our clients as a family has suffered immense financial and other loss to malicious confiscation’s and seizures.

The important aspect of this investment programme is the need to channel the funds (cash money) into the banking system for free flow on bank-to-bank basis and in viewing this importance, we have to ensure the cash funds is put into the banking system without traces. Hopefully you have understood the prevailing realities and the transactional predicaments of our clients as a family. For us to proceed, you must endeavour to focus on your personal attendance to the matter in Germany or any other safe haven in Europe where you will have to open a special transit account either with the Branch of the referenced Deutsche Bank or any other safe financial institutions in Europe. The special transit account will only serve as a conduit pipe for eventual forwarding of the credit to any of your own safe offshore account since the funds in focus can only remain in the transit account tentatively before the credit will be furthered to your nominated outlet on your specific instruction. Your physical presence as the bona-fide beneficiary of the funds would adequately cover all traces.

Our understanding will be for you to be empowered to collect the lodged crates containing the cash funds from the special depository unit of Deutsche Bank Hamburg and immediately commence banking proceedings after verifying the fund value and covering all financial exposures attributable to bringing the project to fruition. It has been agreed that funds will be taken from the crates for reimbursement of all expenses incurred in the course of pulling things through including agreed compensation at this stage except of course you may want yours credited along side the value to your designated receiving Bank Account.

As things stand now, please clarify your travel schedule to Europe so that we can coordinate to meet soon in Germany or any other country in Europe where you might feel convenient to attend to Banking proceedings.

Time is of the essence because the funds have stayed for too long idle in the vault of the German Bank and our clients needed this investment programme to take off now without delay.

Our stay in Europe should be short as the planned proceedings shall take 2-4 days to complete! Everything is set and absolutely sanctified. Get back in touch or you can call on telephone numbers 234-1-7751926 or 234-1-7743489.

Chief Shola Rhodes (SAN)

BTW, Chief Shola Rhodes appears to be an actual lawyer in Nigeria. He has represented naughty army generals in Nigeria. This letter would have him now representing Yugoslav war criminals!! I suspect the Chief knows nothing of this business opportunity....OR DOES HE????

Best
Kindly Contributor

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OCTOBER 31 2001


Hi...
Thanks for your informative and amusing "appreciational" letter. But wait! The plot thickens...

I sent off the following to The Chief (I have been using an alias, of course, which i remove as immaterial):

Date: Tue, 30 Oct 2001 18:15:56 -0800 (PST)
From: "Kindly Contributor"
Subject: Re: INTRODUCTORY MEMO
To: "srhodes rhodes" (shola_rhodes@onebox.com)

Mr Rhodes:

I have received your letter concerning the cash funds of Mr. Ogar and family. My understanding is that I must open a transit account to serve as a conduit between the Deutsche Bank, where the funds are located at this time, and a safe account of my own choosing. This is perfectly agreeable to me, as long as I can be assured of the full and safe transfer of these funds.

I must think of the success of the work of the Lord before anything else. I truly believe that our Lord Himself has guided you to me, with the expectation that these funds will help further the spread of the Gospel to the benighted people of the world. I am sure you understand.

May I ask your indulgence as I ask about one or two matters? Please have no fears about my ability to cover whatever expenses are necessary in order to see this transaction through to its fruition. But I would like to have some idea of the financial exposures involved, so I can be sure to have the funds in place, and drawn from the appropriate sources.

Once I have an idea of what is involved, then I can go ahead with my travel plans to Europe, and would look forward with pleasure to meeting you or your representatives in order to see this matter through. I understand that any expenses incurred will be covered by the funds currently lodged in Germany.

I would also ask how much of these funds would I expect to receive? There are many worthy organizations which could use such assistance in the work of the Lord, and I would like to have some idea of the extent to which I might be of assistance to them.

Once I am somewhat better informed, I can assure you of my full and enthusiastic participation in the project.

Respectfully,

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OCTOBER 31 2001- THE REPLY

I received the following gem in return . The second sentence, beginning "Our client (Mr.)..." must be one of the 2 or 3 most creational usitions of the English language in history! Also notice the "Subject", which succinctly sums it all up from his p.o.v. ..."get"!!!:

Date: Wed, 31 Oct 2001 13:41:47 -0800
Subject: get
From: "srhodes rhodes" (shola_rhodes@onebox.com)
To: Kindly Contributor

From: Chief S. Rhodes (SAN)
To:
Subject: An Update

Dear Sir,
Thank you for your mail as we remain contented to know that you will be able to be in Europe where we would meet accordingly to attend to proceedings and our Law Firm knowing very well the efficacy of prayer has continued to pray to God for a successful outcome.

Our client (Mr. ) have intricately considered your humanitarian and religiously inclined proferations as being assimilation of their transactional focus and have positively responded by fully accepting to participate financially in any quest for furthering the spread of the gospel and bring succour (wherever possible) to the be-nighted people of the world.

However, having collectively deliberated on your mail with our clients who are indeed pleased at your offer of assistance as well as look forward to a truly rewarding relationship, please find the following clarifications elicited by the content of your mail message for your improved understanding.

1 Actually our law firm took up this brief on compassionate grounds in the true understanding of the prevailing circumstances and predicaments of our clients as a family (without any retainer paid to us). We will be expected to expend purely from our law firms finances in bringing the project to a conclusion, although with absolute confidence that all expenses will be reimbursed and our professional fees paid satisfactorily at project finalization. Despite the fact that the it would have been the responsibility of our client to advance/appropriate all the expected financial expenses in the course of actualizing the project, their position is quite understandable by the virtue of alert placed in the international banking circles to monitor the family’s financial transaction.

As it stands so now, our clients will be unable to appropriate any up-front funds in view of the huge financial loss suffered by the family (over $150M) to malicious seizures and confiscations. Mind you, their domestic and foreign bank accounts were frozen for a long time.

2 We do not anticipate much financial exposure in the course of transacting the endeavour except the expected excess storage accruable on the deposit which will be paid to the Deutsche Bank (Special Despository Trust Vault) coordinator before securing the release of the consignment. In view of the fact that part of the storage fees were paid as per when crates containing the funds were lodged in the vault of the financial institution, the expected demuorage {{HUH?? MAYBE HE MEANS "HEMORRHAGE"}} accruable can only be calculated by the finance firm in Germany.

Please note that timely finalization of the project remained our priority as we will be sending you by email attachment copy of Memorandum of Understanding after which relevant documents to the effect will alsobe sent to enable you contact Germany immediately.

Shola Rhodes

sez Fannerman: Again, Chief Shola Rhodes, SAN (a lawyerly suffix in Nigeria) is a real person, as a Google search of newspaper articles has shown. Nothing could prevent someone from giving out a phone number and merely pretend to a caller to be Chief Rhodes, or his assistant.

At any rate, I think I will end my communication with The Chief at this point, although I must say I am tempted to ask him to forward to me, by Western Union, the air fare for a trip to Germany! LOL!! He is apparently preparing a packet of "relevant documants" to send along, which I will pass on to you if they match the high quality and surreal level of his letters.

Best,
Kindly Contributor

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NOVEMBER 1 2001

From: Kindly Contributor
Date: 03 Nov 2001, 01:13:18 PM
Subject: Re: Jesus Christ etc.

Hello again,
As I was looking through your collection of scam letters, I came across the exact same letter (#74) as the one that was sent to me, and concerning which I wrote to you, with the only difference being the name of the Lad, which is quite similar to my Lad's. Mine: James Audu/James Ogar. Letter #74: Mr. Audu Bamaiyi. Too bad! And I thought it was a new wrinkle!

At any rate, I am engaged in a correspondence with "Chief Shola Rhodes", "lawyer" for Mr. Ogar (and whose mail emanates from the same computer as his client's). I sent you the first reply. I am saving the subsequent responses, including my own. I understand that you do not encourage this sort of thing, and indeed warn against it. But I have an inquisitive nature, and do not plan to communicate in any form other than email. Plus, I enjoy observing that these guys are as naive and dense as they assume we are; my own letters are as transparently bogus as their own.... fascinating!

I append the correspondence to date, minus those I have already sent to you:

Date: Thu, 1 Nov 2001 10:45:47 -0800 (PST)
From: "Kindly Contributor"
Subject: Re: get
To: "srhodes rhodes" (shola_rhodes@onebox.com)

Dear Chief Rhodes,
Thank you so very much for your speedy reply! I have been checking my email for the relevant documents you said you were sending, but have received no such documents to this point. I must tell you that my own ministry here in America has raised approximately 1.5 million dollars from free-will offerings nationwide. I had been deliberating for some time on how best to use these funds in furtherance of the precious message of the Gospel of Our Lord Jesus Christ. As Our Lord and Saviour has uttered: "Go ye into all the world, and preach the Gospel to every creature." (Mark 16:15)

I have full and complete personal control of all these funds. If you could give me a better idea of how much of the money I may expect to receive, I can begin to formulate a plan for utilizing said funds with the monies already accumulated by my ministry. Time is of the essence, as the prophet Ezekiel has said, "And ye shall eat fat till ye be full, and drink blood till ye be drunken..." (Ezekiel 40:19). I am sure you understand!

In Mr. Ogar's letter he stated that the monies were buried underground in Africa, yet from your letter, I see that they have found their way to a bank vault in Germany. Surely this is the work of the Lord, whose works will ever make us marvel at their power and might! As the prophet Isaiah has said, "Like a crane or a swallow, so did I chatter..." (Isaiah 39:14)

Could you please advise me more precisely as to a meeting place, where we might get together to advance this project? Should I bring cash money with me? How much? Will a check suffice? Please do not worry, cash is no problem. Can I send cash for expenses directly to you or your representatives? If not, I think I can carry with me up to 10,000 dollars. Do not worry, I and my deacons carry cash like this all the time, in the process of collecting proceeds from our ministry's ancillary activities, including, but not limited to, games of chance, after-school book sales by inner city schoolchildren, and inter-gender role-playing. As Our Lord Himself has said, "And no man putteth new wine into old bottles" (Mark 2:22)

I have the pleasure of telling you that I will be free to travel to Europe at any time in the next 2 weeks. As for a resting place for the funds, be aware that I have kept a bank account in the Cook Islands for the past 7 years, for ease and convenience of more expeditional access to the full and complete monies garnered by the ministry, and maximum flexibility of usage of such funds, if you get my drift. As the prophet Jeremiah has said, "And I will cast thee out, and thy mother that bare thee, into another country, where ye were not born..." (Jeremiah 22:26...one of my favorites!)

Glory to God in the Highest for sending you my way, my dear sir. If you can provide me with an address, I will be happy to send you one of our special prayer cloths, which has been personally sanctified and prayed over by myself and my deacons. I can also include a vial of Holy Water from the Spring of Gehom, in the Holy City of Jerusalem, as it is written, "The waters compassed me about, even to the soul..." (Jonah 2:5)

I look forward to receiving all and any materials which will enable us to accomplish the task at hand.

Respectfully,
Arnold Fannerman

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NOVEMBER 2 2001 - FROM THE LAD

Date: Fri, 02 Nov 2001 12:15:03 -0800
Subject: Get back in touch
From: "srhodes rhodes" (shola_rhodes@onebox.com)
To:Kindly Contributor

Arnold Fannerman,
Thanks for the self explanatory content of your email. It is also good to know that you will be able to travel to Germany in the next two weeks which we can confirm on behalf of our clients as being convenient except that it will be in-appropriate to delay further than the consignment seemed to had remained in the vault of the German Bank and therefore be advised that it will seemingly be in our mutual best interest if you can make the trip earlier than your projection. We understand the fact of your own scheduled convenience, but our Law Firm has a definite transactional timousity {{GO AHEAD...TELL ME YOU HAVE EVER ENCOUNTERED A FUNNIER WORD THAN "TIMOUSITY!!!}} as far as the prevailing retainership is concerned more so when there has been an increased intensification of the international anti-laundering activities especially in Europe (due to Bin Ladenís activities) and U. S. A where we understand the authorities there had put up a strict surveillance for such illegal monies backed by an act of the U. S Law makers (we understand such legal enactments will be extended to Europe within a fortnight). With your projected schedule in view, we will proceed to arrange things for effective attendance to proceedings in Germany as planned and as things stand now, we will proceed to inform the custodians of the funds $15.5m (in crates) (note that the declared content of the crates is - Law Report and Promotional Materials) about you. We will thereafter proceed to position your company to collect the consignment as beneficiary using a legal Power of Attorney from our Law Firm (the depositors).

In the meantime, we will require your preferred name and company for the preparation of the relevant Power of Attorney as well as other documents that will be instrumental legally to front you as the rightful beneficiary of the deposited consignment in the special depository trust vault of the bank. Copies of the documents will also be sent to the financial institution holding the consignment for procedural collaboration as we will also be sending you copy of the certificate of deposit simultaneously as promised since both documents has relevance to the bestowment of ownership of the crates containing the cash money. This being our schedule, we have been informed by our ground services contact in Germany that the excess storage/demurrage accrual on the deposit amounts to approximately - $8000.00 by virtue of having stayed in the specially allocated vault for close to 9 months now. This in fact remained the only expected expensis during the proceedings in Germany including of course the paltry sum that could be needed to rent a secured apartment where the crates will be conveyed for fund value verification and reward of the other monies that will be used in compensating for mutually inclined expenses, settlement of individual remuneratory accruals and monies for the operating of the special transit account.

All incurred expenses on both sides will be the priority deductions for reimbursement immediately upon collection of crates and open. While waiting for the requested informationís we want you to proceed with your travel plans now.

Shola Rhodes

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NOVEMBER 3 2001 - FROM FANNERMAN

Date: Sat, 3 Nov 2001 00:17:50 -0800 (PST)
From:"Kindly Contributor"
Dear Chief Rhodes,
Praise God for your recent letter! I was afraid that you had changed your plans, or that some unforeseen event had occurred which might have prevented you from continuing with the project. While my ministry does accrue funds on a fairly regular basis, and to be perfectly frank, I myself have suffered from various losses due to debts incurred from our ministry Casino Nights, in which, as Pastor, I am of course expected to take part. It is inconvenient for me to draw too often from our considerable church proceeds for this purpose. However as our own project is for the express purpose of raising funds for the propagation of the Truth, as revealed through our Lord Jesus Christ, there is no problem investing as much as will be necessary to achieve a beneficial result pleasing to God.

I am happy to inform you that I have booked a flight to Hamburg, Germany, departing from the USA on November 10. I hope this date falls within the transactional timousity of your Firm. Who should I contact upon my arrival? I only hope that the expected crackdown on large financious transactional activities in Europe you mentioned will not yet have been instituted at that time. Our Lord has said, relevant to this, "...the hour cometh..." (John 4:21)

Speaking of which, you stated that these expected enactments involve "anti-laundering activities" with respect to "illegal monies". Mr. Ogar mentioned that the money had been in an underground safe, but did not imply that this money was in any way illegally obtained. Could you inform me as to the source of these funds? Of course I am in no position to quibble about such details. Let us speak man to man: the money is there. Why should it not be ours? As the Holy Prophet revealed, "I will utterly consume all things from off the land." (Zephania 1:2) Of course, these funds, as per the wishes of Mr. Ogar, will be 100% devoted to the dissemination of the precious Word of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, the Son of God. You have my ironclad word as a man of God on that!

In any case, our Lord Jesus Christ, through His victorious sacrifice on the Cross, has cleansed the souls of the lowest sinners among men. How much simpler is it for Him to cleanse a few dollars! Hahaha. :)

You mentioned the sum of 8,000 dollars to cover the cost of lodging the crates in Germany. This is absolutely no problem, considering the expected return. If I may say so, kind friend, I would be willing to pay ten times that at least, to see such an offer through to fruition! On this subject, you have not yet told me exactly how much money I can expect to receive for the Good Works towards which the funds are to be applied. May I suggest 70% for me, and 30% for you and Mr. Ogar to share as you both see fit, after expenses have been covered? Please let me know if this meets with your approval in your next correspondence. You can send this information along with the relevant documents which you promised to forward to me, and without which it would be inconvenient to continue.

You may assign, as beneficiary to the consignment, Pastor Blandforth Bixdee, Chief Minister, Siren of Christ Ministries. This is my ministerial name and title, and I possess all proper documentation in support of such.

By the way, is it possible to simply walk into a European bank with 15.5 million dollars cash and open an account with it, transit or otherwise? I will assume that you are better versed in such matters than myself, but I would be grateful for some further explanation of the dynamics of such a transaction. As it is written, "He sent divers sorts of flies among them; and frogs, which destroyed them." (Psalm 78:45)

Lastly, kind sir, may I ask you, as you read this, to bow your head with me and offer thanks to the Lord our God, for all He has given us, and for this Heaven-sent opportunity to spread all that is Good and Worthy in this evil world so tainted with the Serpent's corrupting venom. May His Grace and Mercy fill our spirits, and give us the strength and guidance to see our project to completion, in Jesus' Name. Amen.

Respectfully,
Arnold Fannerman


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NOVEMBER 3 2001 - FROM LAD

Date: Sat, 03 Nov 2001 09:49:40 -0800
Subject: Reply Please
From:"srhodes rhodes" (shola_rhodes@onebox.com)
To: Kindly Contributor

From: Chief Shola Rhodes

To: Arnold Fannerman
While appreciating your kind and always very prompt responses to all our entered mail message, it is the legal obligation of our Law Firm to clarify saliently on issues that you seem not to have understood and with the appraisal of the content of your new mail, it has become apparent that you have not been adequately informed, hence the following:

It is important at this stage to assure you that the funds in focus ($15.5m) is clean from sources as it was withdrawn from Citibank accounts of our clients family London & New York branches respectively (before the prevailing international banking alert of March 2001 monitoring monies alleged to have been corruptly acquired by the detained former Chief of Army Staff Mr. Ogarís father). The withdrawals were effected with the immense help of Messrs. Alain Ober and Michael Matthews staffers of both branches of Citi Bank (London & New York) as the above mentioned names were the account officers for the familyís lodgements including the $15.5m which is planned to be relocated to your designated bank account.

It will however interest you to note that our Law Firm have been involved with the fund movement project since inception and therefore we are submitting herein that your personality as a neutral foreigner without any previous relationship will be appreciated for the relocation and successful placements of the funds without traces.

Most importantly also is the issue of satisfactory compensation for your understanding, assistance and cooperation in bringing the proposal to fruition and to this extent your proposition of 70% for you (including the planned placements for propagation of the Gospel and sundry religiously inclined activities) will be collectively considered for approval by our clients. What is however salient is the importance of your sincerity of purpose as we truly do not wish to truncate the planned proceedings nor do we wish for betrayal or blackmail, hence our clients avowed desirousness to cooperate with you (if need be) on terms that you had mentioned.{{!!!}}

On the security reasonability of our planned procedural approach as it concerns the expected banking proceedings, please note that we have on our side a trusted ground services contact in Germany who actually initiated the special depository arrangement with the German Bank for the crate and whom we have entrusted with the arrangement for the transit account operation. The contact person who had been our client fatherís financial consultant when the former Army Chief was in-power seems to have vast knowledge of the foregoing endeavour including the point of issue raised in paragraph 7 of your email and as such, we will be inclined to watching his professional back {{???!!!}} while in Germany. Be rest assured that the fellow has already been in contact with a couple of banks in Germany (Hamburg) an most has tentatively agreed to cooperate in the expected large lodgements through the transit account to be opened by you (in the particular bank) to ensure effective relocation and forwarding of the credit to your receiving account on your specific instruction.

As soon as the transit account becomes operational and validified, the cash money will be taken to the particular bank in piece-meals for deposit in the transit account and subsequently to your account. This was why our ground services contact had advised that times has become of a big essence now for us to conclude the deal thereby creating more convenient environment and platform for the Bank to accept the value in the operational transit account.

We have taken due cognizance of your tentative flight schedule to Germany which we herewith reconfirm to be in order and urge you to go ahead and confirm the itinerary as we will follow suit (two Lawyers will be travelling to Germany and will furnish you with all their identificational details shortly).

Finally, we will proceed with all the relevant documentary procurements and will send them upon completion including the relevant certificate of deposit. More update to follow shortly as we expect to read from you soonest.

Have I nice weekend and remain blessed for your efforts so far, God will continue to give you the strength to accomplish this transactional objective. Amen. You may also wish to call us on telephone numbers - 234-1-7751926 or 234-1-7743489.

Chief Shola Rhodes


Me again [FANNERMAN]..... it is gratifying to see how much energy The Chief has been expending, and the care he is taking in composing his responses to me. I am hoping that his level of ultimate pissed-offness will be directly proportional to these efforts, the scumbag!

Best
Kindly Contributor


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NOVEMBER 6 2001 - FROM FANNERMAN

From: Kindly Contributor
To: thoselads@scamorama.com
Date: 06 Nov 2001, 07:45:37 PM
Subject: update and documents

Hi Again,
I used to watch TV in my spare time. Guess what I do now? Here is the latest, plus some all-important documents. I now include my alias...who cares?:

Dear Chief Rhodes,
I have received your very helpful and elucidating letter. Thank you for informing me that the monies in question were allegedly "corruptly acquired by the detained former Chief of Army Staff Mr. Ogar’s father." How naive of me to think it could have been otherwise! You are indeed correct when you mentioned that I was not advised of these and other matters. But let this not hinder us. We shall proceed as planned. If these funds were wrongly acquired, then they should have been better guarded in the first place. As the heathen Mohammedans say (In the Name of the Prince of Peace and Love Incarnate, may they all burn in the everlasting Pit), "Trust in Allah but tie your camel!"

I have, based on the assurances in your last letter, confirmed my flight to Hamburg. As I have never done business with you, and indeed do not know you from Adam, I have procured this flight using my accrued frequent-flyer miles, so that I may change the date of travel, and indeed the destination, without suffering any financial loss. The reasons I mention this are severalfold, the most important of which is...you have yet to send any documents relating to this transaction. You seem like a competent gentleman, so I am fully expecting to receive, in the form of email attachments (.jpg images) any and all documents related to the case at hand. I can confidently assert to you, dear sir, that I will not step on a plane to Hamburg, nor will I even drive to the airport, before I am in possession of the simulacrum of a document from Deutsche Bank, Hamburg stating that Pastor Blandforth Bixdee, of Siren Of Christ Ministries, is the sole beneficiary of a crate marked "Law Report and Promotional Materials" held in the Security Deposit department of that institution.

Correct me if I am wrong, kind sir, but the path of the funds seems to have been:

1. Underground safe in Nigeria.
2. Deposited into accounts in Citibank at New York and London, in the form of cash money.
3. Withdrawn from cash accounts in New York and London and placed in crates marked "Law Report and Promotional Materials" in security vault of Deutsche Bank, Hamburg.
4. Now you wish to re-introduce the funds into the banking system, with my help.

Do I have this correct, or am I missing something? These monies have certainly trodden a serpentine path. One wonders why the funds were deposited in Germany at all, after they had already been successfully withdrawn from Citibank. As Solomon himself has spoken, "My beloved put his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him." (Song 5:4) I am sure the reasons for my confusion lie in my own ignorance of such matters. I am a man of God, and my concerns lie not for things of this world.

You mentioned that the funds would be deposited into the transit account in piece-meals. Could you tell me over what period of time you expect this process to be conducted? That is, when can I expect to book my flight back? After 3 days? 3 weeks? 3 months? You see, my time, like yours, is limited. Please inform me as to the projected length of this process. Or perhaps you expect me to leave you with the crate of money in the Hamburg apartment. Please do not think this statement implies any mistrust. I have a gift for seeing into the very souls of people, and yours appears to me as a sparkling clear mountain lake.

As a measure of my good faith, I am quite willing to forward any resources at my disposal to make the work at your end more efficaciously convenient. I have secured from all appropriate sources what I consider to be more than enough cash money to cover any fees, apartment rent, and sundry other expenses. By the way, if possible, try to find an apartment with plenty of light, preferably with a southern view. An automatic dishwasher is absolutely indispensible, as I do not enjoy washing dishes by hand. I was forced to do this as a child, and I promised myself that I would one day never wash another dish by hand. In fact, most dish soap is bad for my skin, which happens to be quite tender. Nasty red lumps begin to appear after some hours, and itch horribly. Then when I scratch it, the lumps break and a clear fluid breaks forth ("And the waters returned..." Ex. 14:28). This would be bad enough, but a foul odor is emitted at the same time, so if anyone is planning on sharing this apartment with me, they should see that an automatic dishwasher is installed, or that someone else is assigned the task of washing the dishes. More than once, during those young years during which I was responsible for washing the family dishes...well, not actually the "family" dishes, as my parents separated when I was a lad, forcing me, as the eldest child, to act as head of the family, and this at a very young age. Many were the nights, dear sir, that I could hear my mother cry herself to sleep, weeping over the terrible situation in which she found herself, along with myself and my 6 siblings, that is to say, my brothers Mervyn and Joshua, and my little sisters Myra, Hattie, Starvine, and Priscilla, who died at the age of 3 and a half years, and had a head of beautiful golden hair that was the envy of all the other children. She was weak from birth, and had a tough time of it, even tougher than the rest of us. But she bore her burden bravely, and always showed a cheery, happy face. We used to pay extra attention to her because she was so sick, but also sweet and beautiful. She took special delight in a little song we used to sing to her. All the children would gather around her, especially during the period of her last illness, and sing this song: "Weep no more, my little one, sleep no more and miss the fun, peep no more at sullen sun, and heap no more the rattling gun.." It goes on, but I forget it now. I sometimes have a bit of a problem with my memory, ever since the age of about 12, if I recall correctly. This used to cause some consternation in bible school, as you can well imagine! Our teacher would recite a verse and ask the class, "Who can tell me where this verse appears in the bible?" If I were called upon to answer I would say something like, "The Book of Job, sir." But the teacher would say, "No it is in the Book of Malachi". Or if the teacher asked where a particular verse could be found and I answered, "The First Book of Kings, sir", well then he might say, "No it is in St. Paul's Letter To The Hebrews"! I can still remember the teacher to this day, as he was the first person I ever saw who was double-jointed in his hands. He used to amuse us by bending his thumb all the way back over his hand and touching his wrist with it. One student in the class used to have an unfortunate reaction to the sight of this display, his name was Pompey Fundeberg I believe... as you know, sometimes my memory plays tricks, ever since the age of 11 or so, maybe 10. I forget exactly when I suffered the concussion which led to this condition. I and a group of friends were exploring, as children do, our neighborhood, and found ourselves at the open door to a basement we called "the spider hole". There was a metal ladder attached to the wall which led down to the bottom, and as I was a brash and foolhardy child, I began to descend this ladder and promptly fell to the floor. The next thing I remember (I think) they were carrying me to a car to take me to the hospital. I began to cry my eyes out, but the man who was carrying me, who was the garbage man for the area, and who we called "Joe the Garbageman" told me that if I went in to the hospital they would give me ice cream. At that time, I used to eat much ice cream, and Joe knew that. He used to see me licking ice cream cones when he made his afternoon rounds. If you are interested, I used to prefer chocolate flavor, but with maturity, I now favor the simpler vanilla flavor, so much so, that we sell our own home-made ice cream after all our services at the ministry. I would be more than happy to send you a sample if you like. But the odd thing is, despite my memory lapses I always remember my bible verses. I can think of a quote to suit all occasions, which is tremendously helpful to the ministry. For example, relative to the discussion to this point, "And Solomon went to Hamath-zobah, and prevailed against it." (2 Chr. 8:3). See what I mean? Anyway, as I was saying, if you need anything up-front, don't be shy. I expect that it might cause a bit of a twinge to a professional person such as yourself, who is used to defending army generals, to ask for something before the fact, if you will. But please, as a friend and partner, I would ask you to fight off this reticence and feel free to ask what you will for the furtherance of our mutual concerns. Just tell me where, to whom, and how to send it and it is done. As the Evangelist has said, "So they took the money, and did as they were taught..." (Mat 28:15)

And now, lastly, I must mention the unfortunate comment I read in your last letter to me:

"What is however salient is the importance of your sincerity of purpose as we truly do not wish to truncate the planned proceedings nor do we wish for betrayal or blackmail, hence our clients avowed desirousness to cooperate with you (if need be) on terms that you had mentioned." {{THE CHIEF REFERS TO MY REQUEST FOR 70% OF THE CASH!!}}

Kind sir, please! The Merciful Lord knows that you have nothing to fear from me! Such talk between partners in a Godly venture is not at all productive. I ask for 70% of all net funds simply because it is my name on the certificate. That being the case, it seems only fitting that I should receive the lion's share. And besides, if you accept these tems, I can assure you there will be no trouble from my side.

So let us proceed with all haste! My spirit is filled with gladness at the prospect before us! I await the arrival of all the relevant materials already mentioned, so I can fulfill all the obligations and expectations set before me.

May the Precious Lord light the path before us with the Lamp of Faith and Wisdom.

Respectfully,
Arnold Fannerman

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NOVEMBER 6? 2001 - FROM LAD

{{THIS ONE CONTAINS SOME BRILLIANT LANGUAGE!! PAY ATTENTION!!!}}

Our Dear Friend Arnold Fannerman,
Thanks for your new email as its elaborate contents were duly taken note of including your prompt reactionary tendencies that necessitated your immediate reservation of flight to Germany. However, while expressing our clients profound appreciation of your determined sincerity of transaction purpose which has completely dispelled all forms of negativity as per your participational involvement, our Law Firm is herewith obliged to equally respond to your pronounced openness and candid procedural posturing as thus.

1. The allegation of corrupt enrichment as our clients father (the detained ex-General Ogar) were being accused bothered merely on malicious, spurious and politically induced circumstances without substantial grounds otherwise, why has the authorities (being the prosecutors) refused to go on with the charges unfortunately our clients father had remained in jail for close to 18months now and even the highly regarded Court of Law here also denied the granting of bail to the detained General despite all our motions filed to the effect although without prejudices (as Lawyers) we will refrain to comment on the issue to avoid being contemptuous of the Court of Law.

In any case, we do understand the genesis of the entire trial as having been prompted by the fact that the detained General was the Army Chief of staff when the present President Obasanjo was phantomly jailed in a phantom coup trial during the era of the Late General Sani Abacha junta.

We hope this has explained the circumstances of the funds being branded “illegal” in a lay man’s understanding but as legal practitioners and having been opportuned to be associated with the funds movement by virtue of our Law Firm’s long years of resourceful acquaintance with the General Ogar’s family, we had to reconfirm to you that the funds were clean from sources having been withdrawn and dutifully transmitted through normal bank to bank routing to a domicilliary account of the detained General here in Lagos.

The funds ($15.5m and undisclosed others) were hastely withdrawn in cash from the domicilliary outlet and hidden in a safety tank immediately the sudden death of the then General Sani Abacha which abruptly saw to the defunctness of the junta regime and cohorts including of course the sacking of our clients father from power and who unfortunately was hauled into detention. Like you did rightly said, it was the glorious work of Almighty Lord that necessitated the successful relocation of the cash money to Europe as we can rightly confirm on behalf of our clients that this singular success has necessitated the foregoing arrangement to place the fund in the area of projecting the Lords gospel and sundry charitable financial placements despite others that might represent our intended profiting and maximizing investments.

2. We have today sent the name of your ministry and yourself to the financial institution holding the lodgement as the newly validated owner of the crates by virtue of the Letter of Authority/change of ownership issued to the effect by our Law Firm and with this instrument you have been empowered to reposses the consignment marked “Law Report & Promotional Material” (see attached copy).

We have also enclosed copy of the Certificate of Deposit and although with the change of consignment ownership already sent to the department of the German Bank holding the deposit, you can call to reconfirm and inform the firm about your new role including your chosen date to collect the crate, we will candidly suggest that you first of all contact our ground services contact who will be in position to guide you appropriately in view of the delicate circumstances of the planned assignment as we need to be cautious in all cases. The name of the service contact is Mr. Tunde Olu, with telephone number 49 170 6579933. Please feel free to talk to him as he is almost a part and parcel of the whole arrangement.

3. The piece meal depository arrangement will be scheduled for only 3 days in Germany during which period, the transit account would have been opened after repossessing the crate and open (money for transit account will be taken from the crates) as this will be simultaneously followed with the piece meal lodgements (probably in two instances).

We think that our ground service contact will proffer more information’s on this as all arrangements within the scope of our security desirability including the desired safe apartment for the display of the crates not an apartment for our mutual accommodation as we will be staying in a good hotel. Mr. Tunde Olu our German contact will surely be disposed to workout things in our favour while in Germany hence the need to leave every proceedings to his care during our stay and subsequent attendances to the transaction.

4. We do not need any up-front fund appropriation as you had intoned {{I DON'T RECALL SINGING THIS!}} since there wouldn’t be any need for it now or even in future except that which you are already aware and relating only to demurrage/extra storage facility extended to the crates in the vault and apartment rentals.

{{I GUESS HE REFUSED MY OFFER BECAUSE IT WOULD REQUIRE THE USE OF AN ACTUAL NAME OF AN ACTUAL PERSON IN ORDER TO RECEIVE THE MONEY FROM WESTERN UNION.}}

All the same, we want to appreciate the gesture and also pray God for successful accomplishment of the planned deal bearing in mind that the Lord help those that endeavoured to help themselves {{TO OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY}}. This is exactly the intention of our clients and that of our Law Firm.

Finally, please if it will be convenient to your telephonic environment, why don’t us try mutually for a voice talk otherwise we can still await eagerly to meet with you soonest. Our number – 234-1-7751926 or 7744037.

Shola Rhodes


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NOVEMBER 6? 2001 - FROM FANNERMAN

Dear Friend Chief Rhodes,

I have received the documents! The Lord be praised that you have shown me your seriousness in this matter. I am looking ahead to my trip to Germany. I certainly hope that I will meet with you there. Or will you send a representative, as your ground service contact, Mr. Tunde Olu? I sincerely hope we will be able to meet personally, as I am bringing a few gifts from the ministry for you and your wife, as I am assuming that you are a married man. Also, I happen to have a dear friend, and a true Christian, who is in the jewelry import business. He specializes in the business of Patek Phillipe and Rolex watches, and I am bringing along several for you and family. Please specify if you would prefer a man's or a woman's timepiece, and how many of each you will be able to accommodate. I can bring up to 5 timepieces, and it will be my pleasure to present you with such.

It is a constant source of amazement to me to what degree simple human trust has disappeared from the consciousness of our fellow men. I designated a senior deacon to assume all responsibilities and direction of our ministry in my absence. When he asked where I was going, and for what purpose, I of course kept in mind the confidentiality of our project and passed on no cogent details of the transaction. But when I mentioned that I would be meeting with some new friends from Nigeria, men who place the good works of the Lord before any other considerations, he actually issued a warning to me! Can you believe it?!

He mentioned something about a "419 scam". Have you heard of such things? I assured my deacon that no one had ever mentioned the number "419", and told him that these are honorable God-fearing men. When I asked him to explain further, he told me that some individuals send letters to strangers asking for their assistance in transferring funds, and in the process the receivees are bilked out of their own assets! You and I know that such a business is entirely out of the realm of possibilities. Do you have any knowledge of such matters?

Dear friend, it is indeed sad that some people have lost trust in their fellow man, let alone in our brothers under Christ! As it is written, "I will bring again from Bashan..." (Ps. 68:22). You have my sincerest apologies for even bringing up such concerns. But my deacon feels it would be prudent for me to investigate these charges. So, as a formality, may I have your word that you are not involved in anything like this, whatever it is that he is referring to? Please do not look unkindly upon me for asking such a question. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are an honorable and Godly individual. I even offered to send you money up front, and you declined this offer. What more proof do I need?

However, to put his fears to rest, I promised him that I would mention this to you. Please understand that I fully intend to board the plane to Hamburg, as my keen instincts, which have served me well throughout my life, with the Good Lord's help, tell me that you are a shining light among men, and that your soul and spirit are the handiwork of He who creates Perfection and Goodness in the hearts of His creatures.

Once you have given me your assurances regarding this matter, and have shown me your Godly intentions by composing a prayer for all of us, to encourage our Lord and Savior to bring this project to fruition and aid in the dissemination of the Only Truth, I will be able to tell him that all has been discussed and understood mutually, and that we are on a blessed path.

And so, as a final detail of pre-operative manifestness of intention, I will look ahead to your thoughts on this matter, and to bowing my head while reciting the prayer that you have composed for the success of our venture, as a man's heart is truly revealed in the content of his prayers.

In Jesus' Name,
Respectfully,
Your Friend Indeed,
Arnold Fannerman

{{CAN YOU BELIEVE HE HASN'T CAUGHT ON?? AS THE PROPHET SAID, "...TO THE HUNGRY SOUL EVERY BITTER THING IS SWEET." (PROVERBS 27:7)}}


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NOVEMBER 7 2001 - FROM LAD

Sez Fannerman: I was wondering what a few days of silence on my end would evoke. I found out. And well worth the wait, don't you think??!! I add that letter, the very latest, after the others...

Date:Wed, 07 Nov 2001 12:26:13 -0800
Subject: confirm receipt
From: "srhodes rhodes" (shola_rhodes@onebox.com)
To: Fannerman

Dear Arnold Fannerman,

Thank you for your mail. The following will clarify things and improve your understanding.

I must mention that in Nigeria like many other nations in the world, criminals constitute less that 1% of our total population but this small fraction of the population have earned well-meaning Nigerians of integrity and the Nigeria nation very bad image through their criminal activities.

I am aware that scams (419) are fake versions of real situations usually simulated by lowly criminals for un-Godly objectives. We are aware of the activities of these criminals and as such we have protected the sanctity of this project from inception on the premise of confidentiality. Hence our insistence you go to Germany atleast to see things for your self for on the spot assessment of our highly cherished transaction based basically on our clients Godly intentions.

I will urge you to undertake a third party inquiry on my person albeit meticulously, (Chief Rhodes) I was the former Chairman of the National Sports Commission here in Nigeria and our legal chambers & prowess is quite known over here, I am a man of honor and most importantly I will like us to atleast have a telephone discussions, so please furnish us your phone numbers for us to initiate the call.

In respect of Mr. Tunde Obe (our ground contact in Germany) who is presently in Germany, he is part and parcel of us, he has been representing our client’s interest in Germany and other sub-regional country’s within Europe, so you go ahead and discuss with him for guidance on the possible way to contact Dr. Benson of the Crystal Security & Finance – attached to the Deutsche Bank before your arrival in Germany. I shall be arriving Germany simultaneously with you.

On the gift items, in as much as we do not want to sound gullible, gifts are meant to be appreciated so if its convenient for you to come along with whatever you dim feet we shall appreciate that, and for your records I am happily married with three kids. We shall continue to dwell in the will of the most high God as instructed by our clients who has insisted that large percentage of whatever is accruable to him must be invested in the gospel of the Lord.

To our prayer “Surely Goodness and Mercy shall follow us all the days of our life and we shall continue to dwell in him and he in us forever and ever and that his will be done on this transaction Amen” the power of the Holy spirit will continue to guide us and will continue to ask for his wisdom as we progress, reconfirm your travel itinerary as we approach the departure hour.

We will sincerely like to have a voice talk with you prior to your departure as we expect to read from you shortly.

Best Regards
Shola Rhodes


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NOVEMBER 8 2001 - FROM FANNERMAN

Date: Thu, 8 Nov 2001 05:25:55 -0800 (PST)
From: Fannerman
Subject: Re: we need an update to our mail
To: "srhodes rhodes" (shola_rhodes@onebox.com)

My Dear Chief ...

if I may address you as such. By the way, as I am not well-informed as to Nigerian custom or nomenclature, are you some variety of tribal chieftain? Is this a title which has devolved upon you by virtue of inheritance? If so, with which tribe are you affiliated? Allow me to say, Sir, that I am deeply honored to be on such friendly and confidential terms with an individual of such high societal standing. This fact alone would vouch for your unimpeachable moral exaltation, and I want you to know that I proceed in this transaction with all due respect for and confidence in the upstanding nature of your unblemished character. Every word you have so far written to me is underscored by the ringing truth which peals from your heart, and which has encouraged me to act in a manner reflecting the distinguished station you hold in the social fabric of your nation, and indeed the world. Noble Sir, I salute you!

I knew it!! I knew that an individual such as yourself could never be involved with the low order of filthy sub-human scum which pollutes the world, and who prey upon the naive good intentions (greed) of those too blinded by their own idealistic belief in basic human nature (greed) to see through even the most obvious machinations (greed) of these bottom-dwelling slugs who, through crude and blatant attempts to deceive, do besmear the reputations of millions of their honest and hard-working countrymen, and who cause the very utterance of the word "Nigeria!" to bring to mind the very worst, the very lowest, that humanity may foist upon an unsuspecting world.

Are you sure you are not a criminal? I hope not, as I am about to embark upon a voyage to a country with a nefarious past, and it is a bit unsettling to find myself about to set foot upon soil which has produced a veritable Satan's Garden of Evil. However, if something good can come of this venture, then I will forever remember Germany, and Nigeria as well, as nations which sit verily in the loving palms of God. By palms, I of course mean "hands", and not palm trees, as to the best of my knowledge there exists no such arboration in Europe, although I was surprised to find one day, when looking through a picture book of southern Italy, that one may in fact find palm trees there. In fact, I have always thought that palm trees would improve the appearance of the territory of Europe, which somehow seems so cold and uncomfortable. Yet the presence of palm trees lends an impression of happy times, carefree days and warmth. Maybe you could one day look into the prospect of bringing palm trees from Nigeria and transplanting them in Europe. Just a thought.

Now, to the business at hand. I will most likely be staying in Hamburg at a hotel which was recommended to me by one of our deacons, the Elysee Hotel, located on Rothenbaumchaussee, along with a member of our congregation, Ms. Roseann Rosanna-Danna. {{I AM ASSUMING THAT THE CHIEF IS NOT A GILDA RADNER FAN.}} You don't have to worry about her, she is filled with the spirit of Godliness, wedded to the charms of Nefertiti. I am taking this opportunity to get to know her better, as it is usually inconvenient to arrange occasions for extended private time with various members of the congregation, due to their various familial and other obligations. She comes from a fine God-fearing family, and her husband is a leading physician in my city, Smallville.{{NOR A SUPERBOY FAN}} Her family thinks she is on a pilgrimage to the city of Oberammergau, site of the famous passion-play. This town is in fact located in Bavaria, but for some people, Germany is Germany, if you know what I mean. Please do not think that she is accompanying me for any immoral purposes, "God forbid" :)

I will be registered at the hotel under a pseudonym, as I do not want to leave any sort of paper trail within Germany, as concerns this particular trip. But immediately upon arrival I will call both Dr. Benson and Mr. Tunde Olu. If this hotel appears unsatisfactory, I will find another. But in any case I will keep all informed. Will the apartment be ready? I do not want to remain in Hamburg longer than necessary, so I am hoping that the day after my arrival we can proceed to Crystal Securities, obtain the crate, and proceed immediately to the apartment.

Lastly, in your latest mail, you said:

"On the gift items, in as much as we do not want to sound gullible, gifts are meant to be appreciated..."

The word in question is "gullible". Am I to think, therefore, that you hold my statement that I am bringing along several timepieces for you and your family to be an untrue statement? Am I to imagine that you have some reason to hold this statement to be in a condition of doubt? Why, Sir, would you want to say something like this to me? Perhaps there is some sort of misunderstanding, as I want to proceed only if I know that we hold each other in the most equitacious mutual respect. Please address this matter in your next communication.

I do not think there could be any question that you do not realize what you have said, as your writing, as manifestated in your letters, has shown itself to be on an exceedingly high level. In fact, you may want to consider submitting some of your writings to a journal or magazine. Your linguistic gifts, combined with your deep spiritual tendencies and concerns, would certainly produce some fine and lyrical poetry. In fact I would be surprised if you told me you had never expressed your most cherished thoughts in this most refined of artistic modalities.

With all hopes and expectations for a successful transaction, in all Godliness and what have you, I remain,

Your friend, partner, and true pal,
Arnold Fannerman

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NOVEMBER 8 2001 - FROM FANNERMAN

Date: Thu, 8 Nov 2001 12:47:25 -0800 (PST)
From: Fannerman
Subject: Re: we need an update to our mail
To: "srhodes rhodes" shola_rhodes@onebox.com

Dear Chief Rhodes,

I was wondering if you could clarify one matter for me. In your latest mail, you wrote:

"In respect of Mr. Tunde Obe (our ground contact in Germany) who is presently in Germany, he is part and parcel of us, he has been representing our client’s interest in Germany..."

Yet in the previous mail, you wrote:

"Mr. Tunde Olu our German contact will surely be disposed to workout things in our favour while in Germany..."

I am aware that in some cultures it is the man who takes on the surname of the woman when they are married. Perhaps this is the case with Mr. Olu, who may recently have gotten married and took on the name of his spouse, "Obe"? That would be entirely understandable.

Or perhaps you have 2 contacts in Germany? Is Tunde Obe the same person as Tunde Olu?

I always find that the ultimate success of a business venture depends on paying attention to even the smallest detail. Otherwise, one may find one's venture collapsing before one, as a house of cards. As it is written: "Turn thee yet again, and thou shalt see greater abominations that they do." (Ezekiel 8:13)

Please address this issue in your next letter.

Respectfully,
Arnold Fannerman


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NOVEMBER 12 2001 - FROM LAD

From: Kindly Contributor
Date: 12 Nov 2001, 05:49:26 PM

Hi...
If you can stand another, this one is really rich!! Sorry for the spacing....

Date: Sat, 10 Nov 2001 01:27:56 -0800
Subject: reply urgently
From: "srhodes rhodes" (shola_rhodes@onebox.com)
To:Kindly Contributor

Our dear Reverend Gentleman Arnold Fannerman,

First & foremost we regret the inconveniences our choice of word may have caused you, I wish to retract our word “gullible” as we were merely trying to be very cautious in our approach. We didn’t want to be seeing to be bothering you again when you have agreed to assist us in the demurrage accruals in Germany.

Your regularly and timely respond emails message and its contents has been noted and duly appraised. However, without prejudices and much resortation to “poetic” and unprofessional “articism” (as you had tried to label me and which I will also beg for your permission to sincerely equate your behavioral tendencies with this referenced human classification although you seem to be more inclined to being pastoral poet/eloquent religious fanatic and which we here in Nigeria regularly regard as “Pentecostal charistimatizm and fire brandison”). Please permit us to rejoin your insinuatoral/spuriously – prone email content, which unfortunately is coming up at this very level of our project procedural attendance.

Much as we do appreciate the candidness of all your mail entries and with due respect to your opinion as being expressed in your last email, it has become very necessary to let you know at this stage of our seemingly resourceful relationship that “insinuations are not necessary truths” while we are however, being left with no choice of word than to duly acknowledge their right to personal convictions on the foregoing project procedural bone of contention, please be educated once again that “scam” being a fake version of real situations. Can be likened to having two faces and tendencies and if we mutually decide to unnecessarily celebrate its (scam) existence (as your recent email contents tended to have been inclined) there wouldn't be genuine life endeavours; for instance just as you had asked in para 3 of your mail I quote. Are you sure you are not a criminal”? much after our Law Firm had adduced and proffered very many conformabilities (documentary and otherwise), we will on behalf of our clients be inclined to equally be asking you thus. Are you sure you are not a masqueraded man of God only wanting to bail off with our clients money after the credit using the name of our Lord. (you will agree with our Law Firm that so much of such religious charlatans do exists) interestingly our clients have had to face similar masquerading and professional charlatanic investors that later on turned sour and even went to length to involve blackmail and betrayals and which then resulted to malicious seizures and confiscations and spuriously prone criminal persecution/prosecution in the Court of Law (read similar case involving the family of the deceased colleague of our clients father Late General Sani Abacha on Vanguard Newspaper dated 5th & 6th With website http://www.vangaurdngr.com.

In the similar vein of proffering the foregoing, we want to remind you that we are only being retained for professional briefs in which the success of the assignment will greatly determine our Law Firms remuneratory aggrandizement within the context of ethical demands (as a legal practitioner) hence our mutual assistance for you to undertake third party inquiry on our Law Firms corporate credibility (Rhodes & Rhodes Law Firm) through the Nigeria Embassy (albeit discreetly) without having to divulge our basic intention as this would have assisted your conscience in determing the merit of your Deacons assertions on the genuineness of our outstanding. Even though within the scope of our own desirability to unnecessarily celebrate the existence of scammous activities within the global context (by virtue of reading the oxford dictionary meaning of “scam” and scammousity) we wouldn’t be disposed to giving you a little history and sources of the $15.5m with authentic names that can be contacted for corroboration (Citi bank staffers that assisted in the injection of the funds initially into the banking system). Even without knowing if you are an under cover agent wanting to track down our clients alleged ill-gotten monies more so when you had just included a third party acquaintance in your yet-to-be inform flight entourage; we still proceeded to divulge such informations that could be jeopardizing and derailing and even possible arrest and prosecution. In the midst of the uncertainess of your intention (although we wouldn’t want to be more catholic than the Pontif (Pope) himself but we are aware that no body uses the name of the Lord in vain and go Scott free without repercussionary consequences that must manifest sooner or later) you had persistently and ignominiously refused any form of voice talking with us by not providing upon our several request your telephone numbers or even to call us on telephone atleast for a brief conversation before our meeting in Germany. If you do not have any sinisterial machinations, we challenge and urge you for the final time to give us a call on telephone numbers 234-1-7751926 or 234-1-7743489 or you provide your reacheability for us to call you which ever way and also to call our trusted man on the ground Mr. Tunde Olu for detailing on the travel arrangement and your Hotel abode in Hamburg noting that we will be likened to being novices while in Germany as Nigeria and Germany does not have such affiliation as you had intoned in your mail except Britain which was a colonial power in English legacies inbuement and this even informed our decision to use the prevailing environment for the consummation of the financial transaction being the least expected places for such money to be placed by virtue of the current effort by the security in the direction.

Noting that we have both come a long way and our differences might have simply emanated from our faith in protecting our clients interest irrespective of your dictates and benefits of the expected outcome, we want you to try as much as possible to eliminate all tendencies that could develop into trust crises between parties since this nature of capital intensive financial exercise cannot be transacted under any form of distrustfulness and uncertain/suspicious circumstances as we pray that your vision be not obliterated by a lopsided and parochial consideration of our deal as it effects Nigeria societal misdemeanors bearing in mind that all nations (even in the Vatican city) has peculiar criminal tendencies and inclinations, notwithstanding the fact that some of such misdemeanors are meant for lowly minded miscreants and none has been celebrated like scam is won’t to here.

On a more business procedural note, it is very important that you contact our ground services intermediational service provider (Mr. Tunde Olu) who knows virtually all about the transactional hidden agenda and has the responsibility of arranging the apartment for the display of the crate although from his (Mr. Olu) new update all that has vital relevance to our planned proceedings in Hamburg has been well taken care of and fully arranged for attendance within hours of your arrival (depending on the day and time of your arrival). We want to leave all proceedings to Mr. Olu’s care and guidance having domiciled for years in Germany and by virtue of having been recommended strongly by our clients for attendance to all the vitals including the transit account operation which Mr. Olu had already instrumented only awaiting our arrival for proper attendance.

It is on this premises that we have had to maintain the fact that although our clients to have desperate intentions to relocate and invest this cash money under your care and guidance but without traces to us (our clients too), we will wish not to have problems after the relocation and subsequent placements and can decide to abandon the deal (if this will be the case) than to desperately have the funds successfully relocated and come back to face the Law (God Forbid).

Finally, in the midst of our confused mind as per your travel date to Germany for purposes of simulating and streamlining our itinerary to meet in Hamburg, we hope you will understand the prevailing circumstance of our deal and be very much prepared to come to terms with our transactional reality. In God we trust as we wait eagerly to meet with you and pay together.

Rhodes


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NOVEMBER 14 2001 - FROM LAD

sez Fannerman: AND NOW THE VERY LATEST, AFTER MY 4 DAYS OF SILENCE...

Date: Wed, 14 Nov 2001 11:09:13 -0800
Subject: mails
From:"srhodes rhodes" (shola_rhodes@onebox.com)

Dear Arnold, {{NOTE THE STEADILY INCREASING FAMILIARITY}}

Your inexplicable silence on our matter has left much to be desired and despite our severally entered email messages sent as updates and reminders to the effect.

Please be informed that our Law Firm has not been impressed by your exhibited non-challance in attending to this deal notwithstanding its perceived capital intensivity, nature and the very peculiar circumstances that requires total expedience for speedy consummation. We have been constrained in the foregoing circumstance to appreciate the confidentiality required for success hence our inability to advise or be inclined to proffering solutions that might involve possible random discussions for purposes of seeking for a willing replacement to your already secured beneficiaryship of the funds in focus. With this logical submissions based on protectionary reasonability in favour of our clients, our Law Firm is once again giving you the benefit of doubts on your transactional participatory continuity so as to still be of assistance to bring the deal to fruition or otherwise.

In our last resourceful partnering there seemed to have existed an era of celebrational irreconciliabilities (scammous activities of a few lowly minded criminals in the Nigeria society) although we had tried to play down the matter by clarifying saliently to the fact that scam being a fake version of real situation’s can be likened to having two faces.

We proceeded further to notify you that to unnecessarily up-play the existence of this nature of criminality and crookery can necessitated widening of trust/confidence crises between our mutual selves and bearing in mind that it has to take two stretched hands to be able to clap together we might mutually end up suspecting each other. We gave the example of facts to the effect that while you are being inclined to suspecting our motives, we will/can on behalf of our clients be prone to viewing your prevailing antics {{HEY! WATCH IT THERE...I'M A MAN OF GOD!!}} as a masqueraded religion banner.

We must in the midst of the foregoing points confess/submit/putting it to you that your prevailing silence has tentatively stalled our proceedings and bastardized the timousity of the legal assignment and briefs as contained in the retainership agreement. Most importantly, we feel insecure and worried at the turn of events and pray that no body tries to exploit this opportunity for purposes of blackmailing and betrayal tendencies since some vital documents has already changed hands between us which could be used against us and our clients.

Although we are still inclined to watch the emerging scenario closely, as legal practitioners we have duly taken care of the whole situation in fulfilling our legal duty of care for our clients protection. Please give us your reply now to enable us move ahead knowing too well the consequences of the project stallment, and if for any reason our dealings with you dead locked no regrets. {{YEAH. AFTER ALL, WE HAVE GOTTEN TO KNOW EACH OTHER. LET'S DO LUNCH...}}

Shola Rhodes


That's all to date. Please don't try this at home, unless you have a PhD in English literature, coupled with a history of hallucinogen usage and friends in law enforcement. (Not as far-fetched as it might sound if Ken Kesey was telling the truth.)

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