I started this just before I found out about Scamorama. You guys improved my style immensely.
My main hobby is role-playing-games (both table-top and live-action), and developing a new and consistent persona for scam-baiting proved to be relatively easy. Trying to get around my poor resources was not so easy.
And the players are -
The Scammers Barrister Frank G. George - "a solicitor and an advocate of the supreme court of Nigeria". He really needs to learn the use of the space bar. Mr. Jimmy Clark - (Operations Manager), Euro Securities & Finance Company, Amsterdam Monica Henks - Verification/Vetting Officer, Euro Securities & Finance Company
The Scam Baiters Eliza Dane - (a name drawn from the Nick Cave/Kylie Minogue duet, "The Wild Rose") is a smart but slightly spoiled 22-year-old student Rosie Childe - Eliza's cousin, inspired in part by Princess Candy of Scamorama (named by after the Neil Diamond song by a work colleague, who enjoyed updates on my scam-baiting) is a pleasant young lady, but not nearly as smart as Eliza. Nick - aka Nikos Speleotis (the closest I could get to "Nick Cave"), is Eliza"s possessive boyfriend.
When you're ready, "Mister Music" Our saga begins on 23 September 2005.
PART ONE
Barrister Frank G. George
BARRISTER FRANK.G. GEORGE . AND CHAMBERS
A SOLICITOR AND AN ADVOCATE OF THE SUPREME COURT OF NIGERIA
Dearest,
Good day and how are you? My wish is that you receive this letter in good faith and by his grace we are going to work good things out of this great deal.
My name is Barrister Frank.G. George, A Solicitor and an Advocate of the supreme court of Nigeria, I am the Personal Attorney to Mr Alan ,an expatriate,who was a consultant with shell development oil company in Nigeria.
On the 21st of April 2001, my client and his wife were involved in a car accident along Sagamu/Lagos Express Road. Unfortunately they lost their lives in the event of the accident, since then I have made several enquiries as to locate any of his extended relatives, but all proved abortive. After several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his relatives over the Internet,to locate any member of his family but to no avail,hence I decided to contact you.
I am contacting you to assist in retrieving the money valued at about (US$11.5m) that was left behind by my client (Mr.Alan ) with the Universal Trust Bank Plc (UTB) before it gets confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank.Consequently, The bank issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated within the next ten official working days.
Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 2years now, I hereby seek your consent to act as the next of kin to the deceased,the proceeds of this account valued at (US$11.5 million dollars) can be paid to you and then you and I can share the money.55% to me and 40%
to you,while 5% should be for expenses or tax as your government may require. I have all the necessary legal documents that can be used to back up this project.
All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us succeed without any hitch. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect us from any breach of the law.
Please do get in touch with me.
Thanks as I look forward to your anticipated maximum cooperation.
Yours Sincerely.
Barrister Frank.G. George(Esq.)
Ah, the Dead Bank Customer... Well, let's see what we can do with it. I answer the same day.
Incidentally, the Sagamu-Lagos Express Road claims yet more victims. Make sure to update the records, will you?
[Scamorama staff have read accusations by Nigerians that the Sagamu-Benin and Ibagan-Lagos expressways are beset by robbers, who, in the manner of old shipwreckers, run local drivers off the road and loot the wreckage. And we thought hitting the delete key was hard.]
Eliza Dane
Dear Mr. George,
While I'm very interested in your proposal, I"d like to know more about the deceased "Mr. Alan" (was that his last name?) and how you came to approach me about this.
Until you clear up these details I can"t be of further assistance.
Regards,
Eliza Dane
He gets back quickly! It"s still the 23rd!
Barrister Frank G. George
Dear Eliza Dane,
Thanks for your email of even date ,in response to my offer for us to partner together and for you to receive the amount of US$11.5Million,abandoned by my late client,in UTB Bank,Lagos Nigeria.
My email must have come to you as a surprise,but please I crave your indulgence to hear me out.As I informed you in my original mail,out of pressures from the bank,I had to track the last name of the deceased on the internet in a deperate search for any member of his family or extended family,with the same last name.
I am therefore, gratified by your great interest in my proposal and I have noted your request to know more about the deceased and,I will include information on the legal documents to back up the offer and claim in the bank and I wish to assure you that everything is available,and I will send you all by email as attachments,as soon as you aconfirm your agreement for us to work and succeed together as a team.
For instance,I have in my custody,the Investment Deposit Certificate which the UTB Bank issued to my client at the time he made the depsit.I also have a copy of the Death Certificate which the Probate Registry of Births and Deaths issued to authorize the funeral of my client.
When we start the claim process in the bank,I will depose to an affidavit of claim on your behalf and with this,I will apply to secure the necessary Letter of Administration which will authorize the bank to accept the claim application I will make on your behalf,for you to receive the abandoned funds as the deceased's next of kin. In your reply email,please let me know if you want anything clarified further.
We will discuss any such issues when we speak on telephoneas I will call you for a discussion as soon as I could have your secure direct contact telephone number and I will explain everyhting to you very well so that nothing whatsoever,will confuse you about the proposed business relationship.This is because,I believe that it is when you understand me and the offer very well,that you will give me your maximum cooperation,without which the claim may not succeed. Meanwhile,you should feel very free to call me at my own direct contact telephone:+234 802 576 0673. Expecting your call today.
Sincerely,
Frank O.George,Esq.
I"m still new at this, so I plugged away at the questions.
Eliza Dane
Dear Mr. George,
Thank you for your prompt reply. However, you didn't directly answer my question about 'Mr. Alan's' real name. I'm not asking you to give me all that you have, just for a straight answer. You also haven't said just what I have to do for "honest (or maximum) cooperation".
We may as well settle that topic right away. Once it is resolved and I"m satisfied, we can move on.
Best wishes,
Eliza Dane.
Barrister
A scam email seems the wrong place of the word "rigmarole", but never mind
Barrister Frank G. George
Dear Eliza Dane,
Thanksfor your prompt reply too.I hope that you are fine. Sorry if my answer was a rigmarole.I thought it was ok to let you fully into the whole picture. The direct answer to your questions are:
1.Mr.Alan's full name was :Alan Dane.Of course,if you read my original offer over again,you will read where I remarked that I had to track the last name of the deceased on the internet in order tocome into contact with a possible relative of his.
2.Your honest(ormaximum cooperation) means that when we agree to go ahead together,the information you will be required to submit and with which I will prepare an Application for Claim and submit to the bank,has to be truthful,especially,your full names,address and banking information where the transfer of the US$11.5 will be sent.I also need you to be open tome as we have not met ourselves before,and do not elope with the fund when it eventually arrives the bank account you will indicate for the transfer. Maximum cooperation connotes the fact the when the claim process succeeds and your account receives the funds,you will also be willing to receive me as your guest for the disbursement according to our agreed percentages and assist to identify high yield business investments for me to invest a major part of my own share.
Cooperation also means that you will share in the comitments/expenses that will be needed for us to succeed,since it will cost us some money to execute the Claim Application and processing,in the bank in order to achive the final approval,release and transfer of funds.
Please let me know if you still want anything clarified further. You could call me at :+234 802 576 0673.If I could have your telephone number,I will sure call you for a discussion.
Best wishes and a happy weekend,
Frank O.George,Esq.
Slight panic attack for poor Eliza...
Eliza Dane
Dear Mr. George,
Your reply actually raised a couple more questions, like how you knew my name to start with. AFAIK my ISP doesn't release names from user profiles, and I don't (again AFAIK) subscribe to any sites that store that sort of info. Which site gave you my details?
Another thing - $11.5 million arriving out of nowhere is going to raise questions. I'm not going to elope (how quaint!) with the money - $4.6 million is good enough - but how do I explain it?
I'm pretty young and my parents (and of course my boyfriend) are going to wonder how I got rich.
And don't forget the questions from the tax man! Or, maybe, the spooks - don't you have a lot of Moslems in Nigeria? Suppose they thought it was Al-Qaida money? I don't want to end up in Gitmo! You got any ideas?
Regards,
Eliza Dane
He then left off for a day before replying. Other scams? Or considering his next move?
Barrister Frank G. George
Eliza,
I just read your mail and I will write you detailed response to your questions before the end of today or tomorrow. I am rushing out to attend a client in court. Please send me me your telephone number or call me later today. Expect my detailed response as promised.
Regards,
Frank O George Esq.
Eliza Dane
Mr. George -
OK then - I'll wait. Good luck in court.
Eliza
He reasonably deftly side-steps (so her thinks) Eliza's request for how he found her. A bit of self-deprecation, too...
Barrister Frank G. George
Dear Eliza,
Thanks for your second email and patience.This is part of attributed I desire in a partner for this deal. All your questions are welcome and I will answer them presently:
1.As I explained before now,I got your contact from the internet while on a desperate search
to find a DANE.I must be very frank with you that it is a litle difficult to pin-point the site because I discovered that the name DANE is a very rare name and I had to serach so many sites and use many search machines before I was lucky to come across your information.Again,please pardon me if I say that I am not a computer wizard and so,my major interest was to seek out a DANE,so I did not pay particular attention to the source of the information.In fact,it did not even occur to me to do so.
2.Thank you for your promise that you will not elope with the whole money.I believe you. Again,you score another point with me.Your other attribute(honesty),is quite convincing to me.
Please,could you confirm to me how old you are?But this would not be a problem because,in the course of the claim application,I will depose to an affidavit of claim in the High Court of Justice in your favour,as the beneficiary of the claim funds.I will also assist(maybe)with the help of another lawyer,to secure the necessary certificate of clearance which will certify that the funds have no drug,money laundering or terrorism related origins. With the above statutory documents and those from other relevant government offices,neither your bank nor your local authorities or even your family or friend,will raise any eyebrows when your account receives the funds.There are other possible options,especially,if you could travel elsewhere in the world,to receive the funds and open a non-resedent bank account in such a location to lodge away the funds from public knowledge.If you like this option,please say so,so that I could expand on it in my next mail to you.
3.The tax will be settled from the principal transfer amount and the tax man will be very happy about this because it will generate good revenue to government. I hope I have been able to make your concerns clearer.
Please,let us go ahead and succeed together .Give me your telephone so that I could call you for a discission.You could call me also.
Sincerely,
Frank O.George Esq.
Well, he kept Eliza waiting, so it's his turn now...
Eliza Dane
Dear Mr. George,
I'd like to say more but it's my turn to hurry off now - college y'know. Can you wait until this evening? I'm afraid you have to. Gotta run!
Eliza Dane
Why botanical sciences? It was that bit about "The Wild Rose"...
I gotta make sure that 'phone calls are ruled out; easily done.
Eliza Dane
Dear Mr. George,
Sorry for the delay - but it's been a busy day! Thanx for the nice words; it's good to be appreciated. Since you ask - I am 22 and hope to make a career in botanical sciences. It's a growth industry (yes, I know it's a bad joke) even if some of my college acquaintances go on at me about genetically modified crops. It's not all about GM, I tell them, but hey... who listens?
I wish I had your faith in documentation. I'm not sure if just showing the spooks a piece of paper saying "This money has nothing to do with terrorism (or money laundering, or drugs)" would be that much use if they started sniffing around.
Likewise, I doubt if just producing the same documents would necessarily satisfy the tax man. It sure as hell won't stop my folks from wondering where the money came from.
Hmmm... maybe the non-resident bank thing is the way to go. Clue me in. Is this anything like Swiss bank accounts?
With regards to a private number; it can't be done. I'm still living at home, and trust me when I say that my parents would ask questions if I started getting calls from a previously unknown man. We couldn't talk freely anyway (my mother is really nosy, and my boyfriend, Nick, is a bit possessive).
It's getting late, so I have to go now.
Until next time,
Eliza
Oh, he has a real understanding of the importance of botanical science. The world needs me. How sweet...
Hmm, he mentioned an 18-year age gap. What's on his mind?
Barrister Frank G. George
Eliza,
Thanks for your emails of Monday and Tuesday. Sorry that I am writing you this response after a couple of days.It is has been quite a busy period for us too. It was nice to read of your interest in botanical scinences.It does not matter if your friends and folks listen when you talk to them about improving GM.The world needs you and I want to encourage you not to let anything be a distraction to your aspirations in this direction.In fact,if we do succeed together,I will personally apportion part of my own share to research in genetical sciences and the modification of living species of all sorts with a goal to make better grades of such species. I have understood that I cannot call you on telephone.It is also interesting to know that you are 22.I am 40,so there is a wide 18 years betwen us.
Concerning the issue of a non-resident investment bank account,please be informed that this is ok and the possible way out for us. The details is as follows:We here work out a strategy for you to receive the pay out of the funds in either Switzerland,Amsterdam-Netherlands or Accra,Ghana(West Africa)through one of the bank's affiliate financial institions.Be reassured that this can be achieved. When you arrive there,you will open a non-resident investment bank account in your own name and lodge the funds which I will ensure will be paid out to you in cash or a cash equivalent banking instrument such as a confirmable Bank Draft,into the account. You could either decide to leave the funds in this account as invesment funds of from this account,you send out little transfers piecemeal and unnoticed,to any other bank accounts you might open elsewhere in the world. Please let us know what you decide so that we could start off the transaction in earnest.
Sincere regards,
Frank O George Esq.
What else could go wrong? Well...
Eliza Dane
Dear Mr. George,
Thanx again for the nice comments. I'll cut to the chase; for every solution there is a problem. The foreign banking idea is neat, but it has a problem - I don't have a passport. Given the way things have tightened up, it could take a while to get one.
Then I have to think up a plausible reason to travel - and I've never talked to my folks about going to Africa, so Ghana's out. Amsterdam would make more sense... but then there's the fact that Nick (remember - my boyfriend?) would insist on coming along, and he'd wonder why I was going to some investment bank and not an art gallery or something... Can't you stall the bank or something?
Regrets,
Eliza Dane
Barrister Frank G. George
Eliza,
Thanks for your email of Thursday. I am looking at things and thinking of the best option that would,be less hassle for you and for me and our deal. I will get back to you as soon as there is a viable alternative to the earlier options. But,please consider again the Amsterdam option and taking your boyfriend along,if that would make things work out better.It means also that you have to look for a way to make him se through our plans and believe in it,because without his support for you,it would bequite difficult for you to make the trip.
If you had a Passport and your boyfriend does too,the Ghana option would have been best because I could arrange for the investment bank to assist with the issue of visas to you either before you arrive Ghana or at the port of entry.
Think out possible solutions while I also see what is possible at this end. Have a nice time.
Frank O Geroge Esq.
Eliza Dane
Mr. George,
I was getting worried! Thanx for putting things to rest for now.
I don't know if I can sell the whole package to Nick. Like I said, he's a tad - er, possessive (others would say he's jealous - sadly true; it's the only thing wrong with him) and the idea that I'd been communicating with you, even via email, might make him reject the whole thing out of spite. Perhaps if I wrapped up the whole thing in the context of a wager or something, like a college competition (ie a scavenger hunt) or even "The Amazing Race" on a small scale - go to X number of locations and do a different thing at each. What do you think? BTW, that would fit Amsterdam the best, wouldn't it?
I'll wait for your advice.
Best wishes,
Eliza Dane
I attached a picture of 'Eliza' and 'Rosie' at a Christmas party. Actually it was a pic of the Olsen Twins - a bit of a gamble but as it happened, 'Frank' knew no better. In fact it made him positively wax lyrical.
[Dear Scamoramans, FYI, for those who are not American or have managed to resist yet another pop culture factoid until now, the Olsen Twins are pretty young women who have been acting (mostly on TV) since infancy. They look younger than they are, and in this context, are basically jailbait.]
Barrister Frank G. George
Eliza,
You and Rosie are wonderful sights to behold in the picture you attached for me.Very Great sight indeed!
Also,your idea about how to get the acts together before bringing Nick into the picture is
fantastic!Nick is only being natural if he is the jealous type.Even our creator,as the Holy Bible makes us to know and believe,is a jealous God,how much more we humans that are carnal beings.
It is ok,if everything finally culminates in the Amsterdam option.Just go ahead and get
everything wrapped up,and let me know how you fare regularly.
Let me know also,if you need more advice or suggestions at any point.
Looking forward to getting details from you as soon as possible.
Sincere regards,
Frank O George Esq.
And so we end part 1 on 4 October. Good grief, how much longer can I sustain this?
PART TWO
Let's get some problems in place.
Eliza Dane
Dear Mr. George,
It'll be a while before anything can be done - a week at least. Look at what I have to do!
[1] Actually broach the idea of going to Amsterdam. I've laid some groundwork already, but not the specific destination. Nick will go along with this, if I wrap the idea up right.
[2] Get a passport. That's going to take a few days.
[3] Get Mom and Dad to agree to let me travel overseas with Nick. I can get them to say yes, but it's going to take a little arm-twisting. Dad's easy to convince (sorta), Mom less so...
More as it develops.
Here's to travelling,
Eliza Dane
Barrister Frank G. George
Eliza,
Many thanks for your mail. I am in complete agreement with your plan of action. I will await your regular feedbackas I also do my best to get things worked out at this end.
Sincerely,
Frank O George Esq.
Now let the problems multiply!
Eliza Dane
Dear Mr. George,
I'd like to say, it's all done and dusted, but... well, things never go smoothly, do they?
First off, the passport; still waiting. I sounded out Nick. He seemed to like the idea of going overseas... but the idea of Amsterdam had him giving me funny looks. Then it clicked. What's Amsterdam famous for, aside from canals? Diamonds. I think he thinks this is some round about way of suggesting we get married. Almost there...
Then my parents, and the other thing that Amsterdam is famous for; drugs. Dad didn't actually say that, but he looked pretty dubious about the thought of an Amsterdam jaunt. I had to make up an itinerary on the spot to include places like Brugges and Paris.
I saw him talking quietly with Mom later.
I don't know what's going to happen next.
I'll be in touch.
Best regards,
Eliza
Barrister Frank G. George
Eliza,
Thanks for your wonderful update. Keep us informed,please.
Regards,
Frank O George Esq.
Eliza Dane
Dear Frank,
You betcha!
Eliza
'Frank' has problems with a fairly commonplace term.
Barrister Frank G. George
Eliza,
Thanks foryour mail.
What do you mean by :"Dear Frank, You betcha!"?
Find attached,the Investment Deposit Certificate.
Regards,
Frank O George Esq
Hmm... flashy piece of work to these untutored eyes, if not for the syntax errors.
Eliza Dane
Dear Frank:
I meant, "For certain I'll keep you informed". "You betcha" is shorthand for "You bet your ass", which means "It's for certain". Sorry about any confusion.
Thanx for the certificate. Looks yummy!
See ya,
Eliza
PART THREE
Barrister Frank G. George
Eliza,
Thanks for your mail and reassurance.
I will wait for your regular updates.
Very truly yours,
Frank O.George Esq.
Barrister Frank G. George
Eliza,
Just felt like keeping in touch,because it has been quite an age since we wrote to each other last.
I am aware though that you are on the arrangement,which cannot materialise authomatically.
How are you faring and how is Nick?
I would greatly appreciate to read from you.
Have a wonderful time as you finalise the arrangements.
God bless!
Frank O. George Esq.
What can I do now... oh yeah, keep the passport away.
Eliza Dane
Frank,
Sorry about the silence - my bad. I should have updated you a couple of days ago (not that there's much to report). It's funny, but it's like we've got a standoff. Nick is waiting for my parents to say it's OK to travel, and Mom and Dad are waiting for him to tell them if he wants to go OS. I'm in the middle afraid to say anything in case it's the wrong thing!
Oh, and no passport yet. Goddamn clock watchers... of course since it's the weekend no chance of any news from those slackers. And I can't do anything about booking a flight until details are worked out! AARGH! In the meantime, just be patient.
Here's another picture for the time being (the caption is Dad's, BTW). Would you believe it, Rosie is SMILING!
Eliza
Barrister Frank G. George
Eliza,
Thanks for your mail. Please try hard to solve the silence between Mud.Da and Nick.This is in our best interests. I did not get the picture .Could you send it again?
Happy weekend,
Frank.
Eliza Dane
Frank,
I can but try, y'know. I'll be seeing Nick today - so I can try to get him on track.
Mom and Dad are off to bowls with old friends, so not before tonight.
Why is it that pix never work on the first try? I'll attach it again...
Eliza
Another Olsen twins pic. Barrister Frank is impressed.
Barrister Frank G. George
Eliza,
Thanks for your email and the new picture. You and Rosie are really sweet girls.This is the least qualification I could give because you have fantastic looks. I will await further updates and the ultimate goodnews that Nick is finally on our side and mom and dad have given their blessings for your foreign travel. My sincerest regards to you and Rosie.
God bless,
Frank.