KOFFI'S ON THE BOIL

Koffi Williams 06/11/02 WILLIAMS KOFFI Subject: CONFIDENTIAL AND URGENT REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE. Attn;THE Director, I am Mr.Koffi Williams , I am the Personal secretary to late Mr George Bird, a national of your country, who used to work with shell development company Lome-Republic of Togo.On the 21st of April 2001, my master, his wife and their three children were involved in a car accident along Hillakondji Express Road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost there lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to your embassy to locate any of my clients extended relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful.After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his relatives over the Internet, to locate any member of his family but of no avail, hence I contacted you. I have contacted you to assist in repartrating the money and property left behind by my client before they get confisicated or declared unserviceable by the Security company, where this huge deposits were lodged. Particularly, Security company where the deceased had a deposit valued at about $12 million dollars has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the deposit confisicated within the next three official working months. since I have been unsuccesfull in locating the the relatives for over 2 years now I seek your concent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you are from the same country so that the proceeds of this deposit valued at $29 million dollars can be paid to you and then you and me will share the money, 60% to me and 30% to you,while 10% should be for expenses or tax as your government may require, I have all necessary legal documents that can be used to back up any claim we may make. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.You have to assure me that you will not sit on the fund when it is finally claimed. Please get in touch with me through my mobile telephone No.00 228-912 3057,or e-mail to enable us discuss further. Best regards, Mr.Koffi Williams [A classic Dead Bank Customer letter.] Agatha Bristol To: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Cc: Agent Ilichy Miracsky Date: 07 Nov 2002 Subject: YOUR REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE HAS BEEN GRANTED Dear Mr. Williams, Thank you for your proposal. What a dreadful predicament for you - I can see that you have tried very hard to locate Mr. Bird's relatives but to no avail. We are very interested in your proposal; here at the UK Foreign Office Special Operations Department we are always looking to extend our reach into Africa, because there are terrorist elements that are a threat to our National Security. In accordance with the Tesco-Asda-Sainsbury's Act 1999, I am pleased to inform you that Her Majesty herself has asked me to assist you in any way we can. Special Agent-in-Charge Ilichy Miracsky, together with Foreign Minister John McEnroe as well as myself are at your disposal. Please get back to me with more details. Know that our correspondence is STRICTLY confidential. Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations - UK Foreign Office Koffi Williams Dear Agatha Bristol, Thanks for your reply and your assurance to assist me concerning my proposal. My promise to you is that, as you requested, everything will be handled legally and confidential.I will apprecite that. At your reqest, I will scan the deposit certificate and its agreement certificate, plus the death certificate of late Mr. George Bird to you for your perusal tomorrow. Thereafter, I will give you the email contact of the security company in Ghana for you to draft and send an application for the claim. After that, we will hire the services of a lawyer who will process and get two documents that we will use to backup the claim.They are;Change of ownership certificate and A court sworn affidavit in your name or the name you will provide as the next of kin to late Mr. George, because there is no ''WILL'' from Mr. George. NOTE; The deposit was declared to the security company as family treasure, due to security reasons.Even the security company does not know the real contents of the two boxes.I and late Mr George Bird are the only people who know the real contents, plus you, as I have let you know it.So please on no account should you let any other person that is not (now) related to this deal. Extend my warmest greetings to Her Majesty, Ilichy Miracsky and John McEnroe. Finally, while begging for your full cooperation for the successful conclusion of this transaction, I wish to let you know that, I have started studying some African countries where there is no problem, that I can introduce you to for your investments. Call me tomorrow for more oral briefing. 00 228 912 3057. Looking forward to your reply. Warm regards, Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 08 Nov 2002 Dear Mr. Williams, Thank you for your note. Special Agent-in-Charge Miracsky and I were summoned to an urgent breakfast meeting today with Her Majesty in the Ted Bundy Rooms at the Palace, to discuss your excellent ideas. Her Majesty is very interested indeed in this proposal, as we are in the Foreign Office Special Ops Department. The Royal Family are also keen to be involved in this transaction and either Princess Margaret or Prince Derek may wish to contact you in due course. Please feel free to contact either myself or Special Agent-in-Charge Miracsky at any time. John MeEnroe is delighted with the way things are progressing. Thank you also for your warm wishes to him and I have passed them on. Her Majesty sends her cordial greetings to you and hopes to meet you in due course. It is appreciated by Mr. McEnroe and myself that you are selecting countries for us to invest in; we will need all the help we can get if we are to stamp out the various fundamentalist threats to Her Majesty's Government and its interests abroad. One question: Did the late Mr. Bird not have ANY next of kin? Close friends, if not family? We look forward to a speedy conclusion to this transaction. Yours ever, Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office Koffi Williams Dear Agatha Bristol, I am delighted to read from you.I will be sending the documents of the deposit after 3 hours from 1.00 hrs. Tell her majesty and Derek and all the people involved that I receive their greetings and support in good faith,that as you wish, I promise you all that the transaction will be concluded as soon as possible. I am going to negotiate with a lawyer who will get the the change og ownership certificate and the affidavit on your behalf as the next of kin.That is the only thing needed for the claim. For your question of, if there is any other relative of late Mr.George Bird, ''NO''.He died with his wife and two daughters on the spot of the accident, his son Fredrick did not die with them, he died one week after the accident,that is why in the death certificate of late Mr.George, his son Fredrick was written as the next of kin.The poor boy died one week later. Whatever, I discussed with the lawyer, I willlet you people know thhe out come of my discussion with him. Thanks for the cooperation so far, I look forward to seeing you soon. Best regards, Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 08 Nov 2002 Dear Mr. Williams, Many thanks for the quick response. Her Majesty and the Royal Family are very pleased, as is John McEnroe, Special Agent-in-Charge Miracsky and myself. We have our own legal counsel, Mr. Michael Montague Barrymore who we use regularly, as well as Sir Alf Garrnett. However, we may consider using your own lawyer. Agent Miracsky informs me that Chief Rotimi Williams (a relative of yours, perhaps?) is reliable. Do you not feel that we should leave some of the money in trust, just in case Mr. Bird might have some family who might appear? The expression Agent Miracsky uses in his native Czechoslovakia is, 'Have wills, more woodwork, coussins can do'. As ever, Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office Agatha Bristol Date: 08 Nov 2002 Dear Mr. Williams, Thank you for sending me the attachments. These would appear to be in order and I have sent them to Sir Alf Garnnett for his persual. Yours ever, Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office Michael Montague Barrymore My Dear Lady Agatha, OUR REF AUS rhw/a/81102/1 This is just a quick note, in pro quim it were, to assure you this office is willing and able to handle all such matters judicial as per instruction. Your desire for absolute discretion is taken as a matter of course. Sincerely yours BARRYMORE Michael Barrymore AASA, DFC, Financial Advisor 2645 Gooliepully Road Stringalonga, TOCUMWAL,NSW,2714 Phone: (02) 9298 3777 Fax: (02) 9298 3780 Agatha Bristol Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 08 Nov 2002 Thank you, Mr. Barrymore. Please ensure a Bene Kettlechip Rule on this transaction, and ensure that Newman Funding is assumed on all pro-forma monies therein paid to Mr. Williams. Call Terry Wogan at the Smegaroon Bank to set an account up for Mr. Williams. With thanks. Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations Michael Montague Barrymore Dear Royal Highness This will be done at once. Smegaroon have told me matters will need some declaration of nomenclature, presumably because of the judice vas deferens nature of this action. Presumably you wish Miracsky to stand as instabbin mitigator? Best regards BARRYMORE Agatha Bristol To: m.barrymore@whereverheis.com, koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk, Agent Ilichy Miracsky Date: 08 Nov 2002 That will suffice. In terms of nomenclature we can arrange this later. Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Koffi Williams Dear Agatha, Thank you for confirming receipt of the documents.The suggestion of Mr. Miracsky of keeping some of the money is good, but for the past 8-9 months no body appeared as his relative. About the lawyer you mentioned, Chief Rotimi Williams, I will not like us to use him.I want to let you know that I am not related to Chief Rotimin Williams. In this type of transaction, we need to use a lawyer of low profile, just to get what we want for security reasons.I will not want to put THE ROYAL FAMILY in scandals, because you want to help me, the lawyer I am going to introduce cannot know who you are. Let us use the one I will introduce, I will feel more confortable with him. Remember you promised to keep the deal secret, but now you are trying to involve many people. I taught it is only Her Majesty, you and the other two men you mentioned are involved. Think about it, and below is a text o application, prepare it in your own taste and English and send to the security company for approval, with this email address. (southtrustatlanticsecuritycompanyltd@kukamail.com). TEXT OF APPLICATION. The Director of Operations, South Trust Atlantic Security Company Ltd, Accra Ghana Date............ Sir, APPLICATION FOR CLAIM. I am Mr. .............., Address.........., the next kin to late Mr. George Bird, one of your numerous customers. I wish to come for the claim of a deposit made by my late cousin in your Company, South Trust Atlantic Security Company Ltd, Accra Ghana. The deposit was made on the 10.01.2001, with deposit certificate number 00148. I wish as the named next of kin to the late Mr. George Bird,make a claim to this deposit. I am sorry for this late Application as this is due to some family logistic problems. Therefore, I am pleading for your immediate approval to enable me proceed to Accra Ghana for final collection of the consignment. I regret any inconvienences this may curse you. Thanking you for your anticipated cooperation. v Yours faithfully, Your name....... Regards, Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 08 Nov 2002 Dear Mr. Williams, Thank you for the text. Unfortunately it has not come through. I have spoken to Sir Frankie Howerd, our Stationery Minister, and to his assistant, Dr. Stuart Munro; but unfortunately this hasn't been remedied. Please fax it through to my private office on 09060 311 010. Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha Bristol, This is the email address o the security company.I have no fax at the moment to send it, lets see if this can come through. (southtrustatlanticsecuritycompanyltd@kukamail.com). TEXT OF APPLICATION. The Director of Operations, South Trust Atlantic Security Company Ltd, Accra Ghana Date............ Sir, APPLICATION FOR CLAIM. [same thing again] Agatha Bristol Date: 08 Nov 2002 Dear Mr. Williams, Thank you for your note. I have CC'd Mr. Barrymore in, and it will be interesting to get his views. I am going to be at the Palace for a weekend's roller-skating (not my idea of entertainment, but Her Majesty adores it, and one must do one's duty) in the Sergeant Bilko Suite, so will not be able to reply to any e-mails until Monday. Until then, our best and cordial wishes to you. Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office Michael Montague Barrymore Cc: southtrustatlanticsecuritycompanyltd@kukamail.com Date: 10 Nov 2002 Subject: Re: The text of Application. Dear Lady Agatha My ref Aus /01/100102/la WILLIAMS/BRISTOL IN SO MUCH as this agreement seems predicate and in absolutem judicem, that is as vas deferens twix (the various regional codes in precips nothwithstanding), I seem no reason on a first perusal to accept the veritable gist of the aggreEment, on a neb com basis. BUT IN MATTERS ALSO ARISING on matters of tardis, financial latitude, all as found discriptions (pro and non tem) and full squitz, there may be required an element of re drafting, especially in regards to the potentates of Mr Bird, in view of the irregular matter of flob transfer. I will be able to make a more complete documentation and search of legal precedent upon my return from the sessions Togglebals in a few days. With warmest regards BARRYMORE QC Agatha Bristol Cc: southtrustatlanticsecuritycompanyltd@kukamail.com Date: 11 Nov 2002 Thank you, Barrymore. As always, a prompt service. Mr. Williams, have you considered the Gluteus Maximus Rule? What happens if the coded transaction falls between a Vas Deferens announciation and, as Barrymore points out, we end up Vas Deferens Twix? Kind regards, Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha Bristol, I am sorry to let you know that I will be off the city tomorrow, just because of the transaction. You can send mails if you wish, but I will reply you on tuesday. Meanwhile, below is the contacts of the lawyer. Just let him know that he will go to Accra, Republic of Ghana, to a security company to process and get a change of ownership certificate and also a court sworn affidavit as the next of kin to late Mr. George Bird, (with the names you will give him) for the claim of a deposit with that security company, do not let him know the contents of the boxes. Then, whatever he tells you, let me know first before you reply him. Please, bear with me. Greet Her Majesty and the rest of you all. Regards, Koffi Williams. THE LAWYER. MR.GANI FEMI GANI FEMI CHAMBERS BOULEVARD, 13 DU JANVIER, LOME-TOGO. TEL. 00 228 913 0679. email,(ganifemichambers2@yahoo.co.uk) Contact him through mail,he said his line had a small problem that should be reactivated in a short time. Thanks. Agatha Bristol Date: 11 Nov 2002 Duly noted, Mr. Williams. Yours ever, Agatha Koffi Williams Subject: Remember your promise of keeping the deal secret Dear Lady Bristol/Barrymore, Thanks for your mails.I saw them now that I returned from my trip outside the city. I have noted some of the contents and did not understand some.You should understand that english language is a borrowed language to we Africans. From the little I could understand, and from the message I got from the security company, I was made to understand that you want to make inquires about Mr.George.You are correct, but due to the nature of this transaction, I will like you to drop that idea. I do not know what you have in mind for the inquiry, but for my safety, drop the idea or you forget the transaction/help. I am a real Catholic, my word is my bond.What I told is nothing but the truth.So it is either, you believe me or you call it quit with me and the deal. I do not know what you sent to the security company, but from the tone of their mail to me, they are now having doubt on what they received from you, (a text of application, without any address). I am a poor man, so if you are planning to put me into trouble, God will not be happy for you. It is better you forget the deal, I explained it in my proposal to you that it is a deal, therefore needed absolute secrecy. Finally, the decision is now yours.(Remember your promise of keeping the deal confidential) My regards to Her Majesty and the rest of you. Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 12 Nov 2002 My dear Mr. Williams, I am Her Majesty's personal confidante. Do you not think Her Majesty's Government cannot keep confidences? Please do not worry. Barrymore is Her Highness Princess Candice's personal banker. He is totally trustworthy, as is Agent Miracsky. Do let us know how we can continue. Assuring you of 100% total confidence and secrecy. Yours ever Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, UK Foreign Office George Mensah --- "SOUTH TRUST ATLANTIC SEC.CO.LTD S.T.A.S.C.L." [southtrustatlanticsecuritycompanyltd@kukamail.com] For the Attn. of Mrs. Agatha Bristol, CBE, We got your surprising mail dated 11/11/02, we have never have any dealings with you. Could you please explain clearly who you are and what you want. Sincerely yours, George Mensah (for South Trust) Agatha Bristol Dear Sir, We were responding to one of your colleagues. Here in the Special Operations Department we were assisting a gentleman in a fund transfer. Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations - UK Foreign Office Koffi Williams Dear Agatha Bristol, Thanks for your re-assurance of keeping the deal secret,if we are to continue, do please fill in the spaces in the text of application and send to the security company for their approval. Please, remember to fix the names of the person who will answer the next of kin to late Mr.George Bird. If you like us to continue, you can write to the lawyer I introduced to you and tell him about the documents he will process and procure in the name you will give him according to how I directed you.(Change of ownershi certificate from the security company and A court Sworn affidavit in place of Mr George's WILL.) Or you give me the permission to negotiate with him. I have to thank you for your understanding and please, try and contact the security company with the application of claim and also the lawyer, tomorrow.It is important and need an urgent approach, so as to conclude the transaction as soon as possible. My regards to Her Majesty and the rest of you. I remain yours, Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 13 Nov 2002 Dear Mr. Williams, As always, a pleasure to hear from you. I believe that my banker, Mr. Michael Montague Barrymore, has one or two queries. Also, where is the text of application? Koffi Williams Dear Agatha Bristol CBE, I send the text of application again, please re-write it in your own english and taste. Fill in the name of the person to be presented as the next of kin. Please note, the numbers I quoted in the application for the deposit aggreement and deposit certificate, I am not sure of the one that gets the particular one. The documents are not with me as Iam sending this mail.I sent them back to my country home. So do me a favour by cross checking the numbers before filling and sending to the security company. [Sends the whole thing again - Gani Femi's contact information, and the pleading to the 'bank', to be sent by Agatha as Victim.] Agatha Bristol Date: 13 Nov 2002 My dear Mr. Williams, Thank you so much for this. Before we sign anything, Mr. Barrymore has just rung me with a couple of queries: i) Is this a pro-Cadbury agreement? Or is it a pro-Twix vas deferens backaboutface draft? ii) Does this make everything legal and binding on the part of Her Majesty? If so, her counsel, Sir Marmite Luny-Binns will have to scrutinise it. iii) Are the vas deferens agreements we previously filled out null and void insomuch as nil desperandum fidelis? Or are they simply anti-trust sledgehammer pro-rata duo-contracts? Thank you - once again - for all your help. If we are being pedantic, please forgive us as Her Majesty does not sign anything (even her betting slips and gin orders) without Sir Marmite and Barrymore's approval. We look forward to taking this further. Koffi Williams Dear Agatha and co, Thanks for you mail. Like I stated earlier, you have to use a more simpler words to enable me understand some of your messages. The little I could understand, if the application id approved, it gives her Majesty a legal rifgt to the claim. The most legai and binding thing there, is the Change of ownership certificate and the court sworn affidavit. These two documents are the things that will be needed by the security company before releasing the consignments. When we get them, and submit to the security company for approval and releasure, if the consignments are not released, her majesty has the right for a legal action against the security company and even me. From the little I could understand from your mail, this is what I can say. If you are not satisfied with my answers,you can write me again and explain in a simple english. Thanks and looking forward to your mail soon. Best regards to you all. Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 14 Nov 2002 My dear Williams, Thank you for your note. I do apologise for the leaglese - we all studied Law at Cambridge. Our African Affairs Minister, Lord Frank Spencer, informs me that you do not have a vas deferens. Essentially, we are happy with the details so far. Please advise us how to proceed further. Ilichy Miracsky To: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 14 Nov 2002 Dear Koffi, Is all clears, much onwards this fellow surmised. Name like hot drink, know that as all good joke? To say 'cup of coffee, Mr Koffi', is funs, much laughs I bet all time. Ilichy like 'scratchy', also merry to know. Hope hear from Lady Agatha and get to orders. Ilichy Agatha Bristol To: Ilichy Miracsky Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 14 Nov 2002 Special-in-Charge Agent Miracsky: That is enough humour, for now. Mr. Williams, do excuse Mr. Miracsky. He has just recovered from Niles Crane Syndrome, and is not quite himself yet. We are committed to helping you in this transaction. Please advise both Agent Miracsky and myself on how to further this deal. Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London Koffi Williams Dear Agatha Bristol CBE, Thanks for your mail and the understanding. To proceed, send the application to the security company for their approval and contact the lawyer for his job of getting the two documents. You know how terrible I am in poverty, now I will not like us to share the proceed as I stated in the proposal, rather,I am giving you 60% of the proceed, while I will go with 40%. I am only looking for money to survive and look after my children.If you can allow me, I am ready to invest 20% out of my share into any establishment you may wish to open. My warmest greetings to Her Majesty and all of you. I remain yours, Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 14 Nov 2002 My dear Williams, We appreciate your generosity. I would recommend the Danny De Vito Real Estate fund, handled by our own banker, Michael M. Barrymore. He will guarantee you a 15% return in the first year. I hope this is useful to you. We would, however, prefer to use our own lawyer in Lagos, Chief Rotimi Williams. I would like to brief him, with your permission. Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations Koffi Williams Dear Agatha, Please for my safety, cancil the idea of using any other lawyer outside Mr. Gani Femi.I know why I am saying this. For the last time, if mpany and the lawyer. Agatha Bristol My dear Williams, We are happy to proceed, but Barrymore may have questions for the lawyer. Please forward their details and we will get to work on this transaction. [Once more, Williams sends the contact information for the 'barrister'.] Agatha Bristol Date: 18 Nov 2002 My dear Williams, Thank you for this. Special Agent-in-Charge Miracsky has tried to call Mr. Femi several times but to no avail. Is there something wrong with your phones? We still feel that Chief Rotimi Williams in Lagos is a better option, but we will keep faith with your choice for now. Koffi Williams Dear Agatha, Sorry, we were told on television that a major repair is going on in some part of their exchange by the management of our telecommunication company. It will be rectified soon. You can contact him through email.I sorry about that. My regards, Koffi. Agatha Bristol Date: 18 Nov 2002 Dear Mr. Williams, Think nothing of it, my dear chap. Her Majesty is relaxed and confident about this transaction. Do forward us the e-mail so we can contact the other gentleman. Koffi Williams Subject: Time is not on our side. Dear Agatha, I also have confidence on you and Her Majesty, but my are the two gentlemen you have been mentioning,Barrymore and the other man.This is a simple thing.If the trust and confidence is really there, we would have finished the deal.Forget about official protocols, this is Africa, we know how to handle our problems.Being inquisitive is good, but not in everything. That is the more reason I am emphasising on secrecy, at least three people deal. You are a lawyer, the way you think is not the way we laymen think. I have told you to follow my instructions, we will get the money out of the security company in less than three weeks from the day we started, but now it is lingering to 3-4 weeks, it is not as I planned. I do not know if you are afraid if I will dupe you, God forbid, I have a greater ambition, it is not easy for an African like me to be associated to the highest Royal family in the world. Agatha, could you please, use your good offices to see that we conclude this deal as soon as possible. Contact the lawyer first,let us know his bill and then know how to raise money to get him started. Name, Gani Femi Esq. Email; ganifemichambers2@yahoo.co.uk. I am worried about all these delays, if you cannot trust me, then you better tell me, so that I can look for another person who can assist me conclude it. Make sure this message gets to Her Majesty. I am still with you, my greetings to you all. Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol My dear Koffi - if I may call you Koffi - We have always been ready to do business with you. Her Majesty has instructed myself, Barrymore and Special Agent-in-Charge Miracsky in no uncertain terms that we are to use your lawyer. There is no reason why we cannot see this transaction through. As ever, Agatha Ilichy Miracsky Date: 19 Nov 2002 Hellooo all Is right. Can do, in this onwards, all to go as Majesty says. Ilichy Gani Femi Attn, Agatha Bristol, Could you please explain yourself better and tell me what you want from me. Yours faithfully, Chief Gani Femi. Michael Montague Barrymore To: GANI FEMI [ganifemichambers2@yahoo.co.uk] Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 19 Nov 2002, Subject: THIS BUSINESS IN HAND ref aus 1a/19/11/02 MM LADY AGATHA I have late returned from the Willwonk Assizes (Newman went down for 20 by the way) and am surprised by the laxity and lack of legal rigor shewn by the business chaps. I am fully prepeared to draw up all documentation and agreements (on a pro quim basis naturally) should matters proceed apace, and can instruct the office junior Mr Huntley Palmer to co-ordinate the details in abeyance practice from the office in Peak Frean. If these people are serious this would be the best way forward. Why all the prevarication. With such important matters time is of the essence in my opinion. I am in any case, happy to place my staff at your dispersement. I am, further, during the current recess, at your entire disposal, in all respects - legal or more active terms as your agent. BARRYMORE Agatha Bristol Date: 19 Nov 2002 Dear Mr. Williams and Chief Femi, I believe our best interests would be served by Mr. Barrymore and Special Agent-in-Charge Miracsky leaving Wankershire for Spain now. Please tell us which city to travel to and we will make haste. This should clear any confusion, but the lack of basic legal knowledge is a concern. Koffi Williams Subject: Give me a small time. Dear Agatha and Co. The lawyer has been busy.Give me time to see him face to face, he will reply you. Bear with me. Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 21 Nov 2002 My dear Williams, We are indeed running out of time, especially as several prospective partners have approached us. Special Agent-in-Charge Miracsky, together with our Banker, Mr. Barrymore, are in Prague and are waiting to leave. Are you serious in this transaction? Her Majesty is not used to being kept waiting. Ilichy Miracsky Date: 21 Nov 2002 Is right, am wait, but all to urge, please as press business to do somewheres in places. This fellow tire of stay stop, can get in fix, make spend if not cares with peoples. Ilichy Agatha Bristol To: Ilichy Miracsky, ganifemichambers2@yahoo.com Date: 21 Nov 2002 Agent Miracsky, Time is of the essence, indeed. However, Mr. Williams deserves another chance. Your orders are to stay put until I tell you and Barrymore to leave. Please try and reach Mr. Femi and Mr. Williams once again on the telephone. As ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Gani Femi Dear Lady Agatha, Am very sorry for the inconveniences, you see, I had a problem in accessing my mail box, so I had to send it trough Mr. koffixx's mail, since he came to see me at that same time I was having that problem in my office. Well I hope he sent it to you, well not to make a mistake again, I have decided to send it to you in through my box. Since the problem has been rectified, I guess I wasn't typing the right password. I know this wouldn't happen again, and this is the mail now, RE: your email dated 19 nov 2002 and copy to Gani Chambers Refer. Please note that your copied email was received through proxeg. we wish therefore to reply as follows; 1. That we had already prepared an email message to you before immediately getting yours on the 19th of Nov 2002. 2. That we are still in darkness as what we are being called upon to do for you as Attorney andwill wish you read our attached email and reply accordingly. Note that your prompt reply to our attached email will put us in a better frame of mind to appreciate what you want us to do for you. your reply in this duration will be highly appreciated. Our Regards for: Gani Femi Chambers. [And now the meat and potatoes -- the barrister's BILL!] ATTENTIN TO: Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Refer to the said subject matter above and note breifly thus; 1. that your said mail was received on the 18th of nov 2002 was with regards. 2. that we are an organised set of law firm versed in various aspects of legal transactions but with emphasis on criminal & international commecial transactions affecting good rights of citizens no matter where found. 3. that pursuant therefore we shall be willing to accept your offer out rightly to do whatever legitimate assignment you may wish to give us. 4. that in line with our deposition in Para 3, above payment of running cost & professional fees shall be made to this law firm, as a pre-condition for serving you, and the fees are as follow; a) 500 pounds-- representing consultation & Registration fees[ not negotiable] b) 2000 POUNDS-- representing running cost for Procurements of legal documents & instruments needed to Perfect the transactions( not negotiable). c) 10,000 pounds--- representing professional fees for legal documents and other land matters ( Negotiable). 5]that if our schedule of fees such as thus above, are Accepted unto you, do please send us the followings Accompanied with our consultation fee & running cost Immediately. i] your full E-mail address, ii] the address of the said Security company in Ghana. iii]the instruments of the deposit. iv]the medical death certificate of tour late cousin and othe documentscontaining vital information that may help out in our assignment if need be. In conclusion, your response especially to paragragh 4 [a&b] above, shall determine the magnitude of our prompt response to the assignment you are giving or proposing to give to us. Counting so much always on your cooperation. Our Regards For: Gani Femi Chambers -------------------------- Gani Femi (Esq) Pricipal Consultant. Agatha Bristol Date: 21 Nov 2002 My dear Femi, Very well, but we cannot wait forever. Do hurry things along - Her Majesty is getting impatient. Koffi Williams Subject: PLS LETS BE FAST ABOUT THIS. Dear Agatha, i went to lawyers office this morning and he said that you didn't tell hima nything concerning your parents. he also said that he wouldn't do anything till you pay him his morning cos, it's part of it he would use to work with, pls try to tell HER MAJESTY to pay the lawyer , because that is the only thing left and it is also holding the lawyer back from doing his job. If the money is paid, he would immediately go to the Security company and get thr CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP CERTIFICATE IN YOUR NAME. pls DO NOT FORGET, to give the lawyer your name that he would use to do the change of ownership and any other documents for the court. And you said that Mr. Barrymore and your security agent want to travel to spain, so pls, try to be fast so that we would finish up before they travel to spain. best regards, koffi williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 22 Nov 2002 My dear Koffi, We do not to business in this way; where is the proof of Her Majesty's share? And what is this nonsense about my parents? We are having grave doubts about you, especially as another prospective partner has contacted us. Gani Femi Subject: PLS U WILL HAVE TO SEND MY MONEY BEFORE THINGS GET DONE. [Itemizes his 'legal fees' again ] Agatha Bristol To: GANI FEMI [ganifemichambers2@yahoo.co.uk] Date: 22 Nov 2002 My dear Femi, I refer to my previous note to Mr. Williams. We have no evidence of Her Majesty's share of the proceeds and we do not do business in this fashion. You have my particulars from before, but here they are again: Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office Sherlock House 221b Baker Street London N1 FU2 We need assurances of mutual success before we proceed. As ever, Lady Agatha Bristol Koffi Williams Dear Agatha, Your mail was quite received and I thank you so much. To my utmost surprise, I received a call from Gani Femi, asking me that he received a mail from Agatha and that they were asking him that what would be her majesty percentage in the business before they proceed. If you could remember earlier, when we started this business, I told you not to disclose anything to the lawyer or any person what is inside the boxes and now I do not know why you're asking the lawyer for her majesty's percentage. Does it mean I should not rely on you or what? Initially when we assured you this business, i made it clear to you that her majesty's percentage would be 30% and my own is 70%. During the cause of her majesty, said she would help me there and then decided to give her 60% and I would have 40% Perhaps it seems you people do not really understand my English very well. If I must add this, it saddens' me to know that you do not have trust on me again, that I now said like those other partners who do write to you as you said. But if you must know this I live in Togo, I'm a man of integrity and I do business with people who have trust on me and sincerity and I do not want to say that I do trust you again cos I know that in such business one must ask questions. To be on the safe side, since you have said you do not trust me again I'll like us to drop this business to avoid problem because I am a poor man and a Catholic, I cannot decive you. That is why I was asking her majesty to help me. Therefore, if you will adhere to my instructions and build the trust and do what the lawyer ask yo to do, my gurantee to you is your 60% and remember the day the boxes containing the money would be brought out, that you will have to send one or two persons to be present as the next of kin. Awaiting your urgent reply. Thanks for your co-operation. Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 25 Nov 2002 My dear Williams, This does indeed seem rather strange. How can you know the details of our transaction yet your lawyer does not? I suggest you get your own house in order before you criticise Her Majesty's Government. We are all set to go, yet have received no instructions on when to leave and to which destination. Miracsky and Barrymore are preparing to leave Wankershire and are kicking their heels around, playing cards. If you are not interested in this money, please do not waste our time - we have had contact from a Mr. Jonathan Mokoena who seems far more professional than you. As ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations [Lady Agatha refers to the unfortunate Mr Mokoena who tried his stuff against the Foreign Office .] Koffi Williams Subject: THANK YOU/ PLEASE HELP ME SO THAT I COULD CONCLUDE THIS DAEL. Dear Agatha, I am sorry, you know that at the initial stage, I told you that I will not like the lawyer to know about the contents of the deposit. I am not trying to criticise Her Majesty!s government. If Barrymoore and co. are ready to come to Ghana, they are welcome.They will meet me and the lawyer in Accra-Ghana, then we will take them to the security company for the final conclusion of the deal. Please tell her Majesty not to loose confidence in the deal or in me.I had wanted us to get the documents required for the claim, by the lawyer before your representatives! arrival. Whenever they are set for the trip, let them send their flight schedule so as to enable me and the lawyer travel to Accra for their reception at the airport. I would want to hear from you as soon as possible. Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 25 Nov 2002 My dear Mr. Williams, Now that we have this confusion cleared up, I am delighted to say that both Special Agent-in-Charge Miracsky and Mr. Barrymore are nearly ready to leave from Her Majesty's Air Force base in Wankershire. Our very best pilot, Sir Arthur Daley, DFC, will be flying them in our finest and fastest aeroplane. We do not have a flight number due to security reasons - this is Her Majesty's 'plane, after all. According to the flight plan, the journey will have one stop, in Tamanrasset, in Southern Algeria. Special Agent-in-Charge Miracsky has his new laptop so we can stay in touch. Looking forward to progressing this matter. Ilichy Miracsky To: agatha bristol Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 25 Nov 2002 Hellooo Is all functionings, with lucks can do speedly. Please is alrights, hope urge onwards now. God speeds for this matter in thoughting, Ilichy Agatha Bristol Date: 25 Nov 2002 Agent Miracsky: Well done on making contact with Koffi Williams. I trust that this will help to lead to a satisfactory conclusion. I look forward to hearing from you when you land in Tamanarasset in Algeria. Know that only the highest standards of Service from yourself, Barrymore and Daley will do. Mr. Williams is an important contact for Her Majesty's Government. Ilichy Miracsky Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 26 Nov 2002 Hellooo Lady Agatha We is arrives, await all instructs. Is hotel to be or have new place get meet. Please say urge. Barrymore have some drinks, slightly in happys. Agent Ilichy Koffi Williams Thank you Agatha, am delighted to hear from you, well i'll be looking forward to more of your mails, well i do hope that we conclude this deal on time, have no fear because i would do everything right. pls, i would so like you people to come to Ghana in your speacial jet, and stay for 5days, so that you would see how things are being done in those 5days the deal would be completed. And at the end you would take your 60percentage and go back. My regards to Her Majesty, Koffi William Agatha Bristol Date: 26 Nov 2002 My dear Williams, I am delighted to say that Special Agent-in-Charge Miracsky and Mr. Barrymore are now in Ghana. However, the pilot, Sir Arthur Daley, somehow contrived to land the aeroplane in Kumasi, not Accra. Additionally there is a problem with the plane itself -the tri-glyceride tranceptor has gone. Daley, Miracsky and Barrymore are trying to appropriate a jeep but it looks like it will take up all of the money they have with them, which we were going to use as a goodwill payment to you. We may have to contact the Finance Minister, Sir Hugh Janus, to get extra funds. On behalf of her Majesty I apologise for the delay, but Miracsky will stay in touch. As ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Gani Femi ATTENTION LADY AGATHA. RE: your email message with reference to the said email above we wish to say again as follows, 1. That the issue of her majesty share in your business is strange to us in chambers, as we do not have interest in such shares. 2. That our primary concern& or interest in your transaction with koffi Williams is legal representation for which payment of legal fees must be met as conclusion for serving your best interest. 3. That you may wish to disclose what you meant by her majesty's share in the business as we are leaving everyday in your noble profession. 4. That no other assurance can be furnished except that of fast execution of the assignment you may wish to give us, and subject firstly to payment of legal fees as per our earlier email to you. In conclusion, we need more information from you as per our past mail & payment of our legal fees. Note that we are skeptical about our correspondences with you as you appear not to appreciate our grammar. As such, we advice you call in an Attorney in your country to Liaise with us in Chambers for effective discussion of messages to commeasured parties. This will help us out and determine the transaction in your favor. Our Regards, For: Gani Femi Chambers. Attorney at Law. Agatha Bristol Date: 26 Nov 2002 My dear Mr. Femi, Thank you for your note. Having conferred with Her Majesty's Banker, Mr. Barrymore, I am pleased to be able to answer your questions in order: 1. This would indicate a pro-twiglets leftfield deal, whereby the said participants use the M'Naughten Rule to its full effectiveness. We approve of this. 2. We are happy with the payment of the fees, which we assume Mr. Williams will meet in full. 3. It is good to see a pro-quim twat practitioner such as yourself at the peak of his powers. Though we feel a cum-laud process may be in order, we are happy to act in this way. 4. We appreciate this attitude. Sir Marmite Luny-Binns will represent us, as he is an expert in African Law. We believe that Mr. Williams is using you as his lawyer, so he should pay in full. After all, he can write this piffling amount against the millions soom due to him. Ilichy Miracsky Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 26 Nov 2002 Hellooo Lady Agatha Please sends monies, is all sticky. Barrymore very poorly in sweats. Is ill maybe, get to know all soon. Hope urge hearing Ilichy Agatha Bristol Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk, ganifemichambers2@yahoo.co.uk Date: 26 Nov 2002 Agent Miracsky; Please continue to monitor Barrymore. I do not want to hear of more hangovers and whoring. Her Majesty does not approve, particularly after the last episode. Where is Sir Arthur Daley? We need to move you from Kumasi to Accra as soon as possible. I have spoken to Sir Hugh Janus about obtaining the funds. For some reason, Mr. Femi, the lawyer, feels that HMG should stump up the cash for Williams' legal fees. I sent him away with a flea in his ear, and I hope that we can now move forwards. Keep your head down, there's a good chap. Ilichy Miracsky Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk, ganifemichambers2@yahoo.co.uk Date: 27 Nov 2002 Hellooo Lady Agatha Mr Daley he gone for medicine for Barrymore, all in hurry, get gone not return as yets. Is OK still wait? Is all tentatives, and waiting. Is all instructions as onwards or can do? Also have flob? Agent Ilichy Agatha Bristol Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk, ganifemichambers2@yahoo.co.uk Date: 27 Nov 2002 Excellent work, Agent Miracsky, though I am starting to doubt whether Mr. Williams has the guile or professionalism to see this deal through. His lawyer is a rank amateur, I am sorry to say. All we can do is wait. Try not to break into the $100,000 goodwill payment, there's a good fellow. As ever, Lady Agatha Bristol Ilichy Miracsky Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk, ganifemichambers2@yahoo.co.uk Date: 27 Nov 2002 Hellooo Lady Agatha againly. Have spent smidgin of goodwill monies for entertains, as all bore. Hope not big problems. This Williams fellow perhaps all waste of times? Ilichy Agatha Bristol Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk, ganifemichambers2@yahoo.co.uk Date: 27 Nov 2002 Agent Miracsky, Thank you for your note. I have tried to call both Williams and Femi but there is no reply. It looks like we will have to contact Mr. Jame Peter Ja, our preffered partner, to resurrect a deal of this nature. Do make sure that Barrymore and Daley are looked after. You may have $10,000 as a bonus, but please do not spend any more than that. Let's hope that Williams regains his courage. Gani Femi Subject: SO DISAPPIONTED. Dear Lady Agatha, i was surprised to see some of the mails you were sending to each other and was also surprised to learn that you people were in Ghana? and you people did not see it fit to learn me know about this? how do you expect me to feel? if am not trusted in the fact that you come to Africa without letting me know, then how do you expect me to work for you when you don't trust me? am so sad and disappionted, it's not that there is anything to hide. Yes you tried calling me, my phone has an outside problem, or are you beginning to doubt if i have a phone? i just want to let you know that you have let me down Agatha Bristol Date: 27 Nov 2002 My dear Femi, Nothing could be further from the truth. We told Williams where we were and in fact are about to buy a jeep to take us to Accra. Please do not doubt the integrity of Her Majesty again, or you will not hear from us again, especially given that Mr. Jame Peter Ja has contacted us with better terms. Your telephone is not working, yet you say we have let you down. I suggest you re-think your priorities so we can all benefit from this transaction Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha Bristol, I am writing to tell youof my displeasure over your conduct towards the transaction I introduced to Her Majesty. Agatha Bristol Date: 27 Nov 2002 My dear Williams, It is all very well you criticising us, when we have gone to extreme lengths to contact you. You've not even had the decency to get us a hotel arranged. Your telephones do not work, you do not reply to e-mails, yet you expect us to pay your legal fees. We can be in Togo by tomorrow, as Sir Arthur Daley has procured a jeep. If you are prepared to show Her Majesty's Government some respect in this matter, we are prepared to take things further - including a goodwill payment of $50,000 to show that there's no hard feelings. Please reply to me as soon as you can. I am using Special Agent-in-Charge Miracsky's laptop, which has a special modem so we don't have to use a telephone line. We sent our people to Africa because your lawyer seemd to demand it. Indeed, he demanded many things without first contacting you. We are not happy about Mr. Femi, we feel he is not acting in your best interests. Mr. Barrymore has more questions for him, but we do not feel that Mr. Femi is trustworthy, to put it bluntly. Her Majesty is very disappointed herself - not in you, but for you, because we are very keen to proceed. We are all at the moment at Stamford Bridge, a royal palace near our secret Air Force base in Wankershire. We can come back to Ghana, if you wish. Also how would you like the money paid? Our Finance Minister, Hugh Janus, has a new batch of 100 pound notes in. Or would you prefer Euros? I have alerted Special Agent-in-Charge Miracsky to this new development and he is on the way back from Smegaroon now, with Prince Derek, who will also be investing in this transaction. As ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London Koffi Williams Dear Agatha Bristol, I am glad at your understanding.The misunderstanding will not happen again if you could PLEASE follow my directives.We will get the money out from the security company in a couple of days, before the 20th of december. Tell who ever is coming to Ghana to start preparing. Do not be too much annoyed with Mr. Gani Femi, you are a lawyer, you know how you lawyers reason, at times we lay men think that over knowledge makes lawyers behave abnormally.Please forgive him for the sake of the transaction and my future, I have always bank my hope on you and Her Majesty. It is better you send the money with your pounds sterling.I will confer with the lawyer, after that, I will tell you to pay through that his account or if you like, pay through the account I will give you later in the day. Once this money gets here, the documents will be procured in two days, thereafter, I will signal you to send down the men to Accra-Ghana. I would want to go to the airport myself to receive them, then take them to any hotel of their choice, have a meeting with some refreshment with them, before we proceed to the security company for the final endorsement and collection of the consignment containing the money.We will then share accordingly. Please, one more thing, I will not want you to involve any African lawyer or individual, with particular reference to the man you mentioned from Ghana. Lets build the trust, we will have this fund out before xmas, I am highly in need of the mo ney for proper investments with you next year. I will get back to you later concerning the account. You can reply me ASAP if you have any urgent message. I remain yours, Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 04 Dec 2002 My dear Koffi, We are delighted that things are now back on track. Indeed, Special-in-Charge Miracsky, Michael Montague Barrymore and myself are at this moment in a limousine, on the way to RAF Wankershire. We cannot get a direct flight to Ghana, but we will be stopping off at nearby Nouakchott, in Mauritania for a day or two before resuming our journey. Prince Derek has requested me to ask you if videogames are cheaper in Africa. Principally, he would like Grand Theft Auto: Vice City and FIFA 2003 on PlayStation 2. You can give them to me and I will pass them onto him upon our return to London. I will e-mail you when we arrive in Nouakchott. I share your frustrations with Mr. Femi. As a lawyer, I do understand how he works and one should not cast aspertions on the third world legal system. We will try and show patience. The money will be given to you in €100 notes, as disucssed. Koffi Williams Subject: DO NOT BE IN A HASTE, Lady Bristol. Dear Agatha Bristol, What are you trying to say.Are you on your way to Ghana or to where?. This is what brought the confusion before.Tell me exactly when you are arriving in Ghana.You have to give us at least three to four days to get the necessary documents before your arrival.Then on your arrival, I, with the lawyer will receive you from the airport and then to your hotel, for a brief meeting and then take you to the security company for endorsement and collection of the boxes containing the money.I hope you get me clear this time. Because I will not like a repeat of what happened before.Do not be in a haste, we must have the money from the security company if you follow my instructions. I do not know if you have another mission in Mauritania, but if it is because of this deal you have left London, my good friend it is too abrupt.I will not be a party to that arrangement. Without having the documents down, it will be out of my arrangement. The lawyer gave me the account below where you can send the money across to him if you do not want to send it through the first account he gave you. CHANG HWA COMMERCIAL BANK LTD. OFFSHORE BANKING BRANCH 5F,57 CHUNG SHAN NORTH RD. SECTION 2,TAIPEI, TAIWAN, R.O.C. SWIFT CODE,CCBCTWTP212 A/C NO,2120-22-00953-1-00 BENEF.STEADY SPEED CO. LTD Note, the payment should be made by swift transfer. Please, remember to scan the payment slip to me or to the lawyer. I am waiting for your urgent reply. Yours faithfully, Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 04 Dec 2002 My dear Koffi, We are actually in Frankfurt, and will be going to Mauritania on other Government business. It is very kind of you to describe me as a good friend. Her Majesty feels that you are becoming a good friend of her Government, too. To be 100% clear, our working party consists of: Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE, Head of Special Operations Special Agent-in-Charge Ilichy Miracsky, Special Ops & bodyguard to AB. Michael Montague Barrymore, Merchant Banker Sir Arthur Daley, Special Ops, Pilot His Royal Highness Prince Derek of Manchester I hope that this in order. We will contact you when we leave Nouakchott in Mauritania. Prince Derek is getting rather excited about the prospect of meeting you and picking up his PlayStation games. As ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office Koffi Williams Subject: Hope, you can understand me now. Dear Lady Bristol, I am glad to receive your encouraging mail.I want to get one thing clear, are you coming as I have directed you?. When are you sending the money to the lawyer for the documents?.These are the principal questions I would like you to answer me before proceeding. I wouldn!t want us to behave like kids any longer.Lets get the lawyer working for the documents before your arrival, send the money to him. I hope you can understand me clear.I love you all, I am proud to be associated with you all, the highest monarchy in the world, do not disappoint me, Lady Bristol/ Her Majesty. Since the prince is coming, he will know how to handle the video game he is asking for.I am a full adult, I have no time for such things now.My priority now is how to pull the money out of the security company, that!s all. To know from you that you are not joking about the deal, I want to see your schedule, and an evidience of the payment to the lawyer, anything outside these, count me out.There will be need for you to waste your fuel flying to Ghana. Please, reason like me, or if you feel you are cajoling me, better stop it.I want real action from you.The ball is on your court now.I have done my home work perfectly. If you follow my directions, in less than 12 days from today, we will all be in a round table drinking our koffee in celebration of a successful deal. Please, understand that you are dealing with Africans, our things are not the same as yours, bear with us. Finally, to meet up the time schedule, send the money to the lawyer through swift transfer, of course you should know that. I look forward to hearing from you, friends.Best regards, Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 05 Dec 2002 My dear Koffi, We are currently in Mauritania, as discussed, on Government business. Please don't fret, my dear chap. Everything is in hand. We do have one slight problem, however. Her Majesty is keen that there is no paper trail of this transaction, so we have taken the money in cash from Her Majesty's Treasury. I would much rather give you the money personally, so you can use it to finalise the transaction. We have €50,000 tightly packed in bundles of €100 notes. I hope this is satisfactory. I have passed your message onto Prince Derek - he is not very happy, but I have managed to calm him down. We will be finishing our business in Mauritania over the weekend. Do let us know where to meet you in Accra. Special Agent-in-Charge Miracsky wishes to know about the firearms regulations. As the Prince's bodyguard, he carries a Walther PPK and a Sig-Sauer 9mm handgun, as well as a .22 revolver in an ankle holster. Is this permitted? I have persuaded him to leave the Remington 12-gauge pump-action shotgun with the pistol grip on the Royal Flight. As ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office Koffi Williams Dear Agatha, Thanks for your explanation of bringing the money cash. But because of time, I would like you to pay the money from the nearest bank in Mauritania to the account I gave you yesterday. This will help the lawyer to cash the money and go for the papers before your arrival.I will not want you to spend more than two days from the date of your arrival. I will appreciate it very well if you can do as I said. Tell the Prince not to be annoyed with me, I am sorry about that. Please, tell him that there is arms restriction in most of the African countries.He should not be afraid of any thing as I am assuring all of you safty. I want you to note that the money required by the lawyer for the documents and his services is only twelve thousand five hundred pounds. I will meet you at the airport with the lawyer, then from there we proceed to your hotel for a brief meeting before going to the security company for the collection.That is when the lawyer must have gotten the papers.Please try and send the money to him as I requested through that account, it is important. Pay it to him as I have directed, and hold the rest, if there will be any other expenses, you can bring, if there will be not, you can go back with that after the transaction OK. I hope you can understand me well. Best regards, Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 05 Dec 2002 My dear Koffi, We would appear to have a problem. What difference does it make if we pay you in cash? We feel that we have struck up enough of a rapport for you to take the money when we meet, do what needs to be done, and meet us back at our hotel. I must insist that Her Majesty does not want any record of this transaction. We cannot allow a threat to our national security. Additionally, our business in Mauritania is taking a little longer due to a problem with our aeroplane. We may have no option but to drive to Ghana. Is this going to pose difficulties? Don't worry about Prince Derek - he is an over-indulged young man, between you and I. Miracsky will have to carry a sidearm - his Beretta M9 - but I will make sure that it is adequately concealed in his shoulder holster. I do apologise if we are being difficult about the paper trail issue - but I have no option but to carry out the orders I am given from Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. Koffi Williams Dear Agatha, You know why I am insisting that you should send the money first to the lawyer?, it is because, I want the lawyer to get the papers ready before your arrival. Now you said you will spend some time in Mauritania because of the problem with your aeroplane. Don!t you thing it wise we get the requied documents through the lawyer before your arrival?.This is not dificult my good friend, you can contact Her Majesty about this my request and sugestion so that she can give you the order to remit the money to the lawyer before your arrival for the procurement of those two documents.It is not dificult. About the arms, I will not want you to get problems with the authorities in Ghana on your arrival, because your safety is my responsibility.Your will be my guest, I will not like to be called upon to answer querries of arms dealing. So please my dear Lady Bristol, understand me, I want us to conclude this deal without hastles.TRY, MY FRIEND AND SEND THE MONEY TO THE LAWYER BEFORE YOUR ARRIVAL. I am assuring you that every trace of this deal will be eliminated immediately after the deal, to clear Her Majesty!s doubt of implication.I assure you people that. I am having the dream that my life and that of my family will be better of through you wonderful people after the deal. Send the money to the lawyer through that his account, to beat time.I aplogies the inconvinences you will go through the process, thanks for your anticipated cooperation to that regard, as I look forward to seeing the evidence of the payment. Kind regards, Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 05 Dec 2002. Dear Koffi, Surely your lawyer will be able to prepare the papers, then accept payment. That is the way business is conducted; you accept the service and then pay for it. I have spoken to Her Majesty several times tonight from here in Africa. Indeed, I even spoke to Princess Margaret in an attempt to persuade Her Majesty to pay upfront by Swift transfer, or by Western Union transfer. Even Hugh Janus, the Finance Minister, has spoken to Her Majesty. But I'm afraid nothing could be done. You must understand that one can only argue with Her Majesty a certain distance; she is not used to Her subjects disobeying her. My hands, then, are tied. I would hate this one small issue to be the end of our relationship as we consider you to be a friend of Great Britain. Indeed, the award of The Order of The Bed Pan has been mentioned. We are in Mauritania for two more days,however, and I will try and persuade Her Majesty once more that your methods are discreet. Special Agent-in-Charge Miracsky has insisted on keeping his Beretta M9, I'm afraid. As he is guarding and chaperoning Prince Derek (who is out on the town this evening, looking for female company), he is legally bound to keep a sidearm with him at all times. As ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office Koffi Williams Subject: Persuade Her more. Dear Agatha, Thanks for your efforts in persuading her Majesty.Why I am insisting is that, this is an international engagement to the lawyer. According to him, he has to pay for his trip to Ghana, when he gets there, he will pay for his hotel accomodation before checking into the hotel room.He needed money to get somethings in order before your arrival. Tell Her Majesty that she should not entertain any fears from me.What I want from you will be more than this lawyer!s fee.I cannot betray any body in this world.I am a true catholic, it is against my believe to deceive people.Well it is only God that knows the heart of all men.Take my word, I will never let you people down. The lawyer needs to be mobilised, I believe he is right, it is obtainable the world over. So please, persuade Her Majesty once more and try to convince her, it will help us a lot. I rely on you.Greet Prince Derek.You people are well connected throughout the world, you can leave them with their arms, more importantly, Ghana is one of the old British colonies.You may not have any problems about that.I awaite for a positive reply from you. Best regards, Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Dear Koffi, This is not an issue of trust, my dear chap. After all, were it up to me then this whole transaction would have been concluded by now. As I have hinted, we consider you a friend and trusted ally. As Miracsky said to me last night: 'Much do, all hush hush but sticky flob, all Koffi can trust'. So you can see it is a difficult issue. I have even tried to persuade Prince Derek to speak to Her Majesty, but he will not get involved. Princess Margaret has flown back from Mauritania to London to discuss the situation. We cannot do more than this. I understand that Mr. Femi needs funds up front; but as a lawyer, and given the money he will receive, surely he can dip into his own bank account? HRH Princess Margaret My dear Lady Agatha This gentleman is surely wasting our time through his delays and dilly dally. I have no patience with him, and both Hugh Janus and Lord Melbury suggest we drop this business before more time is wasted. Skiing starts at Mount Asda next week and this will be distracting. MARGARET Agatha Bristol To: Princess Margaret Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 06 Dec 2002 Your Highness, Permit me to speak candidly. Mr. Williams is a good-natured fellow, and of sound character. We in the Special Operations department believe that he is worth continuing with as he does not represent a risk to national security. If he does, Miracsky has his full arsenal of sidearms. He can also help to further our interests in Western Africa. I most humbly beg you to speak to Her Majesty once more. As ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations HRH Princess Margaret Very well I will raise your faith implicit in this dubious gentleman with the Queen when she returns from potholing in Emmerdale. But he sounds like a brigand and curmudgeon to me. MARGARET Agatha Bristol Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 06 Dec 2002 Thank you, Ma'am. We do appreciate it, as does Mr. Williams, I'm sure. Do send our cordial greetings to Her Majesty. Koffi Williams Subject: Please, try to understand the real situation Date: 6.12.2002 - 17:08:28 My dear Lady Agatha, Please, try to persuade Her Majesty more.this transaction would have been concluded by now if the lawyer had received his fee. I beg all of you concerned in this deal to see with me by trying to mobilise the lawyer so as to enable him get the needed documents before your arrival. My future and that of my family depends on the assistance I get from you people over this transaction. I am greeting all of you people in the name of our Almighty God, even if you did not see things with me, I will never forget you people, may be in the near future, I may contact you for any other kind of help. God bless you all. I look forward to your favourable reply. Kind regards, Koffi Williams. Ilichy Miracsky Date: 06 Dec 2002 Is all gone flobs, in this opinions. Please instructs as to onwards. Agent Miracsky Agatha Bristol Date: 06 Dec 2002 My dear Koffi, All we can do is wait. I have sent a special deputation to plead with Her Majesty. I will let you know the outcome soon. I apologise for being brief; but Agent Miracsky and myself have a mission to undertake in Mauritania this evening. We have to break down and oil our weapons. Agent Miracsky, take the Beretta M9 and the Remington 12 gauge. I will use the Uzi 9mm and the Sig Sauer. Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha, Ok, thats alright, I am waiting.Have a nice time. Ever yours, Koffi Williams. Koffi Williams Dear Lady Bristol, I am still waiting for the outcome of your pleadings from Her Majesty.Update me. Koffi. Agatha Bristol Date: 09 Dec 2002 My dear Williams, Her Majesty has been at the Harold Shipman Palace this weekend. Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret is due to speak to her upon Her Majesty's return today. Thank you for your patience. We are still in Mauritania. As soon as we get word on Her Majesty's decision we will liase with you for travel arrangements. Special Agent-in-Charge Miracsky procured an P-90 assault rifle and an MP-5 machine pistol this weekend because Prince Derek got into an altercation in downtown Nouakchott. I hope that this will not be a problem. Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol Koffi Williams Dear Lady Bristol, I am glad to have read from you.I am also happy about the efforts you are putting in this deal.I must surely reward you after the successful conclusion of the deal. Tell Prince Derek and Mr. Mirascky that they will not have any problems at all.I have made enquiries about that, but we shall make sure we know the exact date and time of your arrival. As you said, I will keep on waiting till you get the green light from her Majesty. Remain blessed, Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 09 Dec 2002 Dear Mr Williams, That's the spirit, my dear chap. In fact, your e-mail arrived in timely fashion - Her Highness, Princess Margaret has informed me that Her Majesty has softened in her position and will listen to reasoned argument. Special Agent-in-Charge Miracsky offered to go and do my bidding but given his command of the Queen's English I doubt that it is a good idea. I thanked him for his efforts, however. Prince Derek is getting rather excitable, if truth be told. We even had an X-Box flown out here for His amusement but it was not deemed good enough. The young these days, you see, my dear Koffi. I digress - I fear that I have had a little too much of the local spirit, after being on undercover duty for 24 hours straight. We will e-mail you as soon as word reaches us from the Palace. Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office Agatha Bristol To: Princess Margaret Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 10 Dec 2002 Indeed, ma'am. The X-Box is important but Mr. Williams does not seem to want to move on this matter. This made my conversation with Her Majesty rather strained this morning, to say the least. We shall continue to try, however, as you ordered, as Mr. Williams, despite his attitude on this issue, seems a very dependable gentleman, if I may say. Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Holder of the Bed Pan Koffi Williams Dear Lady Bristol, I cannot understand Princes Magret.Please explain further. Koffi. Agatha Bristol Date: 10 Dec 2002 My dear Williams, Lady Agatha is the appropriate form of address, if I may. What seems to be the problem? Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha, I am sorry if I have addressed you wrongly.I am sorry about that. Could you please let me know what Her Majesty has decided. I rely on you. Koffi. Agatha Bristol Date: 10 Dec 2002 Dear Koffi, No problem at all, my dear fellow. We are still in Mauritania, but we have a new mission in Angola. However, worry not - the signs from Buckingham Palace are a little more positive. HRH Princess Margaret is due to debrief me later this evening. HRH Princess Margaret Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 11 Dec 2002 My Dear Lady Agatha I have decided that Halo will undoubtedly be the best X-Box game to have, if the fellow offers a choice. I have tried one or two of the others but this title is much more exciting. I understand that one of the princes is on level 7 already! MARGARET Agatha Bristol To: Princess Margaret Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 11 Dec 2002 Indeed, Your Highness. Her Majesty favours Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, I believe. Mr Williams, the X-Box issue is causing considerable consernation and if you could accomodate Her Majesty on this issue I'm sure she could see her way clear to transferring your money. Yours sincerely, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Holder of the Bed Pan Agatha Bristol Date: 13 Dec 2002 My dear Williams, We are back in Mauritania and awaiting your instructions. I am pleased to say that I have the authority to offer this deal to you: we will transfer the money by Western Union if you provide an X-Box for Prince Derek. How does this sound? Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office Koffi Williams Your Majesty, I have to thank you so far for the encouragement.Please forgive my bad use of the english language. I received mails from Lady Agatha Bristol and Princes Magret, telling me of your doubt of the contents of the boxes in question. Before God and man, I have told you the truth and nothing but the truth.I have since taken you as a mother, so please treat me as if you are treating your own child. I have no other hope of survival except through this business. I believe you are sending your security Mr. Mge Miracsky. He has to by law carry a sidearm at all times to protect the Royal Party. He does not represent a threat. I do hope we can conclude this transaction soon as our business is finished in Mauritania and I am being beaten at Gin Rummy hands down by Barrymore. We will reply to you when Her Majesty has finished her deliberations. Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office HRH Princess Margaret Date: 13 Dec 2002 My dear Williams I am prepared to take a lot of what you say on trust, although your forward manner in writing to Me directly is a little disconcerting. $12m would undeniably be a very useful sum to have at the moment, with the refurbishment coming of up or the great Hall at Broadmoor. The recent fire caused by the Queen Mother's barbecue has left a fair bit of damage and the fabric of structure needs considerable renovation. I am indebted to Lady Agatha for her advice and assistance in this manner. In order to be full convinced of your honesty and integrity towards the throne for the purposes of this business, may we ask that you sign an Pro Quim Generis Oath of Allegience to Us? This is Palace protocol for such unusual circumstances, and I am sure that Lady Agatha will prepare the necessary documentation. The requisite form should be printed out, signed and then scanned to make an attachment. Completion of this document to our satisfaction will then clear the way for our full co-operation with you for the purposes of ongoing business. Lady Agatha; you will attend to this. You will take Mr Williams' prompt signing of the form as a condition of continuance. If any delay occurs then we will withdraw our people. Is that clear? Miracsky, remain at stand by. MARGARET Ilichy Miracsky Date: 13 Dec 2002 Is all at standings by, M'am ILICHY Agatha Bristol To: Princess Margaret Date: 13 Dec 2002 As you wish, Your Highness. Koffi, I suggest that you sign the documentation. Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha Bristol, Could you please explain what you mean by X-Box. I am waiting. Koffi. Agatha Bristol Date: 13 Dec 2002 My dear Williams, I am surprised that you are not familiar with this. An X-Box is a games computing device, available from most retailers. Young Prince Derek has (rather unhealthily, if I may say) become quite obssessed with 'Halo'. No doubt you are aware of this game. It may well be that in backward countries such as yours you may not be privy to such things, but that is not necessarily such a bad thing. Have a look around the shops, there's a good chap. Agatha Bristol To: koffixxxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 13 Dec 2002 Subject: OATH OF ALLEGIANCE Dear Mr. Williams, Here is the Oath of Allegiance. Please ensure its satisfactory completion before we proceed any further, there's a good chap. It should be read out loud signed, and returned promptly to myself. "I Koffi Williams, being of sound mind and body, do swear humble merkin and fey feasiance to the service of Her Gracious Majesty Elizabeth II, to the test in all Her issue and dominion, pursuaint in this moment of our right royal business. (signed) K Williams (date) Please print it out, sign it, scan it, and return it on headed notepaper with a copy of your passport. I will then send it to Her Majesty. Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha Bristol, How are you this morning?.Are you still in Mauritania?. I am waiting for the documents you told me that you will send today for me to sign so that we can go ahead. Best regards, Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 16 Dec 2002 My dear Williams, I sent you the Oath of Allegiance to be cut and pasted, scanned onto headed paper, signed and e-mailed back last Friday. We also require a scan of your passport. Did you not get the e-mail? We are currently on Special Operations in Sudan. I cannot tell you our exact location. Special Agent-in-Charge Miracsky and I are carrying out a mission but we can be back in Ghana whenever you need us to. Do sign the Oath and e-mail it back as soon as you can. HRH Princess Margaret Date: 16 Dec 2002 Lady Agatha I do hope this foreign chappie is on the level. His efforts to meet even the minimum requirements of service to Us seem dreadfully dilatory. MARGARET Agatha Bristol To: Princess Margaret , koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 16 Dec 2002 Your Highness, Mr. Williams is of good character. Let us give him a good chance to come through. I would add though, that I have not heard about the X-Box yet. Yours, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations Koffi Williams My dear Lady Agatha, I did not receive the scanned documents.I have gone through my box again and found out that the said documents did not come through, could you please resend it again. I will do what ever you require me to do.Do not be annoyed, resend it, please. I am waiting. Koffi. Agatha Bristol Date: 16 Dec 2002 Dear Mr. Williams, Here is the Oath of Allegiance. [Repeats text of oath and instructions] Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha, Thanks for the document.I will get my passport from my photographer tomorrow evening to paste it on the paper,then I will sign and send to you OK. I do not have a letter headed paper, because, as of now I have no company I am working for.How can I do that in this situation?.Please advise me. Yours respectfully, Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 17 Dec 2002 My dear Koffi, A piece of paper with your home address will suffice. Your co-operation in this matter is appreciated by Her Majesty, and I think we may be able to swing this one yet. HRH Princess Margaret To: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 17 Dec 2002 DO hurry up My dear chap, this is the most frightful trial for Us here, you know. MARGARET Koffi Williams Dear Agatha, Please find attached of the document. It has been done as you said. Best regards, Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 17 Dec 2002 My dear Koffi, This appears to be in order. I will pass it on to Her Majesty. Do bear with us - we have a poor internet connection here. Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office HRH Princess Margaret Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 18 Dec 2002 Lady Agatha This seems in order, although I must say the fellow has remarkably sloppy handwriting. MARGARET Agatha Bristol To: Princess Margaret, koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 18 Dec 2002 Your Most Gracious Royal Highness, I understand your sentiments. But I would also beg you to give Mr. Williams a chance. He seems a thoroughly decent fellow, even if his telephone still is not working. Special Agent-in-Charge Miracsky, however, is still worried about the X-Box issue. Though we are stuck here in Mauritania for the time being, Her Majesty has told me in no uncertain terms that the X-Box issue is quickly becoming non-negotiable. Mr. Williams, however, would appear to be of sound character. Indeed, our security checks on him came through reasonably clear. I suggest that we await Her Majesty's response to Mr. Williams' signing of the Oath of Allegiance and see what She has to say. Do you think you could air-drop in some more garibaldis and fig rolls? A drink's too wet without one. As ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations Koffi Williams Dear Agatha, Thanks for your confirmation of the Oath of Allegiance.I am waiting to hear from you. Yours respectfully, Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 18 Dec 2002 My dear Koffi, Her Majesty has just called me. The X-Box issue has become prevalent once again. Is there no way you can oblige Prince Derek? Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha, You know what we do?.There is a company I heared that deals on computer and some related items.I have to advise that when you people come, I will take the prince to the company.I believe they can be of assistance to us over this X-Box issue. It that the thing that is holding this business.I do not exactly know what is going on. Please,Lady Agatha, I want your sincere advice. Best regards to you all. Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 18 Dec 2002 Dear Mr. Williams, I have just had a short conversation with Her Majesty. Yes, it is the X-Box issue that his holding up this business. Prince Derek must have his X-Box. As soon as you show us the receipt (or better, send it to the Palace), we will transfer the money you need, plus a $10,000 goodwill payment. Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations Koffi Williams Dear Agatha, Which means you have been deceiving me all along.No problems. Our God is there, I must continue the battle. What has X-Box got to do with this business?.I taught you were telling me the truth all these while. I am tired of all these.What on earth do you think you can get in Africa that can not be easilly seen in Europe and America? I have known your stand.I do not know what an X-Box means, I still stand by my words. Bye. Koffi. Agatha Bristol Date: 19 Dec 2002 My dear Koffi, It is time for me to explain how business with the Royal Family works. Nothing is ever what it seems, my dear fellow. You, a genuine African businessman (and, if I may say, a rather good-looking one) with a high level of business acumen, seek a partner to help you with the transaction of Mr. Bird's money. I represent the Royal Family and the National Security of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Her Majesty is interested in the deal, but how do you think she has amassed a fortune of €5,000,000,000? Playing the National Lottery? Living off the hard-working British people, without paying tax? No, my dear fellow. It is by negotiation. There must always be some extra value in proceedings. In this case, we will transfer the money to you or even to Mr. Femi by Swift or Western Union. You must provide an X-Box for Her Majesty's grandson, His Royal Highness Prince Derek. We will, upon evidence of the X-Box, or even better, if you courier it over to Buckingham Palace or my private office of 221b Baker Street, transfer the money. Remember too, that we are still stuck in Mauritania! I hope this puts the transaction into perspective. Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations. Koffi Williams Subject: You have fooled me. Dear Agatha, I have no idea of what an X-Box looks like.Go ahead and look for any one who can get it for you.I am not interested. Stop playing pranks to me.I proposed a genuine business to you, but now you have shown me what you are looking for. Bye. Koffi. Agatha Bristol Date: 19 Dec 2002 My dear Koffi: An X-Box is, I believe, a computer games console, manufactured by Mr. Gates in America. I have no interest in such things, but His Highness, it appears, does. I understand your annoyance. But I beg you to re-consider. The Royal Family have spent thousands on getting us to Mauritania and they have come too far to just halt proceedings. HRH Princess Margaret Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 19 Dec 2002 Lady Agatha Let us forget this gentleman and take up the kind offer of Mrs Abacha instead. This Koffi fellow is clearly some sort of native prankster or a tribal charlatan who has no idea of the trust required in this sort of relationship. A few thousand pounds loss is irritating, but We can live with it, especially if the new contact proves more reliable. Lord Marmite has already drawn up the papers. MARGARET Agatha Bristol Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 19 Dec 2002 As you wish, ma'am. But do you not think that Mr. Williams is worth one more chance? As ever, Lady Agatha Koffi Williams To: Princess Margaret Subject: Why me?. Date: Fri, 20 Dec 2002 Dear Princess Margaret, What did I do you that you develope this kind of hatred on me. I have given you all you required from me.I am still contacting you based on the fact that I have no money to conclude this transaction and also that I am dealing with a family that I have confident and love for. But you choose to be a hindrance to the success of this transaction. Well it is up to you.You were insisting on an X-Box, that is not relevant in the business, now you are talking of Abacha again, it is better to concentrate and finish the one you have at hand. Greet Her Royal Majesty and the rest of you over there. Happy xmas and new year in advance. Koffi. HRH Princess Margaret Date: 20 Dec 2002 My Dear Mr Williams Please understand that there is nothing personal in our attitude towards you. You will appreciate that the Royal Family has inevitably had unfortunate experiences with scoundrels in the past, those who seek to exploit our good name and reputation with half-baked cheap-jack scam schemes cobbled together in internet cafes. These people, of course, are quickly identified and formal complaints lodged. In once instance (Shagulreka I believe it was) Lady Agatha witnessed a public whipping on the basis of it. We appreciate that your find our hesitations annoying and unneccessary. But put yourself in Our shoes for a moment. As a high profile public figure, subject to intense scrutiny by the media, whether we stay aloof at Castle Popadum or not, we have to remain absolutely discreet and shun such business dealings which may quickly become unsavoury. Having said that, to a certain extent we are happy to extend the hand of good faith and may be prepared to drop the claim for an X-Box. In return, and to assure ourselves of your good intentions we propose a compromise. Before we invest a large amount of money with your good selves, you will wire to us a small amount to us (which will be refunded in the main transaction.) I suggest just $10 as an equitable amount, by Western Union, or whatever means of transfer you fellows use, to Lady Agatha as soon as possible. There will thus be no long- term loss to you, and considerable gain in our sympathies and support. Failing this then we will certainly go with Mr Abacha who promises considerably more profit for Us. Lady Agatha, you will see this is a condition of further transactions. Happy Christmas MARGARET Agatha Bristol To: Princess Margaret Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 20 Dec 2002 Your Highness, Thank you for your advice. I am sure that Mr. Williams will oblige, because he is a decent chap. My dear Koffi, if you could transfer the nominal sum, we will transfer back by return, and I will then come to Ghana with Miracsky and Barrymore. I will try and speak to Prince Derek directly to try and get him to drop his claim for that dreadful X-Box contraption. As ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha, I know you have tried your best.Where ever I will be, I must always remember you and the other two gentlemen, You can try again to persuade the Princess and Her Majesty to give me a trial. Let them see what I am telling you, you can never be diappointed. Thanks for your effoirts so far. Koffi. Agatha Bristol Date: 20 Dec 2002 My dear Koffi, We are trying our best, as you have seen from the other transmission. Let's hope that we can continue this business. Thank you once again for all your help and patience. May I also tell you that Princess Jade found your picture rather dashing, to say the least. HRH Princess Margaret Date: 02 Jan 2003 Dear Mr Koffi I am back from the Christmas break at Quimchuff and am shocked by your tone. You are clearly without a proper education, or I would take greater issue with your words and lack of respect. Mr Abacha is a gentleman who knows what he is doing, moreover has fine manners, and business with him is proceeding nicely. With such large amounts of money at stake, he knows the value of earnest professionalism and he does not whine on about details. Moreover, he has had the good manners to offer an X-Box which is very reassuring. May I suggest that you get your own house in order before criticising your betters, you horrible little tribesman. MARGARET Agatha Bristol Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 02 Jan 2003 Your Most Gracious Royal Highness, I beg you to re-consider. The fact that Mr. Williams has seemed to have seen the error of his ways is a positive thing, if I may be so bold. As Special Agent Miracsky told me last night, 'Why is Koffi all to do? Much flob, but can do on X-Box'. My dear Koffi, can we at last conclude this business? We are back in London but can be in Ghana in 24 hours, if need be. Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London Ilichy Miracsky Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 03 Jan 2003 Dear Ladys Agatha This Koffixxx is utter nut wit. Is opinions of me, in all case. ILICHY Agatha Bristol Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 03 Jan 2003 Agent Miracsky: I will thank you not to air your personal opinions in this manner. All Mr. Williams has to do is to produce an X-Box for His Royal Highness, and this matter will be seen through to its natural conclusion. Your job is to carry out your orders, and not to comment on Government Policy. Go and clean the rocket launchers! Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha, Thanks for your efforts.I do not want to disturb Her Majesty any longer. But if you still want us to conclude the deal, contact the lawyer for his payment for the documents, that is all. Happy New Year to you all. Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 06 Jan 2003 My dear Koffi, It is indeed a pleasure to hear from your good self. Her Highness may still be interested in this deal, as we discussed it yet again last night. Agent Miracsky, Barrymore and myself could come to Ghana to discuss the deal in more detail, if you'd like? Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London Ilichy Miracsky Date: 07 Jan 2003 Yes Lady Agatha Can on sortage. Ilichy [Late January - Koffi Williams still hasn't given up! And what's almost as amazing, he still hasn't been booted off his old e-mail account:] Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha, I am now in Ghana, I want to know exactly what your position is concerning this deal I proposed to you. If you are now prepared to come to Ghana and conclude the deal with me, contact me immediately, I am here monitoring the security company so that they will not declare the deposit unservicable. Contact Her Majesty immediately about this developement.Could you please give me your telephone number, so that I can contact you this afternoon. Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 29 Jan 2003 My dear Koffi, What a pleasant surprise. We do hope you are well. At the moment we are working with a Mr. Savimbi and a Mrs. Swarin. However, we have doubts over their professionalism. We are prepared to come to Ghana. But we need to know about the X-Box for Prince Derek. Yours ever, Lady Agath Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, London Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha, Thanks for your prompt response.What you have to do is to prepare yourselves for the trip to Ghana. On your arrival, we can all solve the X-Box issue, okay.Then tell me when you are coming to enable me arrange for your reception at the airport.I want to have your telephone number where to reach you. Awaiting for your urgent response Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 29 Jan 2003 My dear Koffi, Always a pleasure to hear from you. We are actually en route to Ghana, so are unavailable on the telephone. I am using Agent Miracsky's laptop as we hurtle thousands of feet in the air over Europe. I do not mean to concern you but our pilot has mentioned something about Mali and Barrymore has been sick. Is there a bus service to Accra? HRH Princess Margaret To: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 30 Jan 2003 My Dear Koffi This is good news and let us hope something develops from this rather slow moving business. Once you have signed and returned the Oath of Allegience, I will be delighted to come to Ghana. As it happens, I am scheduled to fly to Udipstik anyway and the stopover will be welcome. Perhaps there is a native event you will like Me to open? I am sorry that I was unable to check My mail yesterday but I was incommuincado with Sir John Leslie, over some internal matters. I will be in my rooms at The Savoy today and tomorrow and will expect to hear from you there so that we discuss the fine details. Call Me on +44 (0)20 7836-4343. If I am not available please ask to speak to Isa Wanker, my personal assistant and I will call you back. MARGARET Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha, Glad to know about your movement.Will it not be wise to tell me your exact date of arrival and the preparations about the court affidavit and the change of ownership certificate. I would like to inform Mr. Gani Femi of the date of your arrival.Or if you wish, you can look for another lawyer on your arrival. Please TELL me your exact date of aeeival and the preparation so far. Best regards, Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 30 Jan 2003 Dear Mr. Williams, A slight problem has arisen. We were due to arrive in Accra today - I was going to tell you our exact time - but as I previously thought, our so-called esteemed pilots Trotter and Kray have landed us right in the middle of Khartoum, in Sudan. There seems to be outright hostility towards us and Agent Miracsky had to draw his service weapon at some point. Additionally a technical fault with our aeroplane's fuselage has meant that we are grounded. These Third World countries have no real technology, as you know. However, all is not lost. Michael Montague Barrymore has procured a jeep (I'm afraid he had to use some of the money we took with us) and we are currently preparing to leave Khartoum. Please bear with us! Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha, Thanks for remembering that you are surposed to tell me your exact time/date of arrival, it is very important. Whatever amount that remains with you, try and come to see things for yourselves.You can pay anu amount as advance, then after, you can complete the payment. I am waiting for your arrival date/time to enable me arrange for your reception at the airport. Regards, Koffi. Agatha Bristol Date: 31 Jan 2003 Dear Mr. Williams, I am pleased to say that after rather a difficult night's sleep (compounded by none of the local merchants selling Darjeeling)we are leaving Khartoum and heading for Chad. I believe that there is a range of mountains called N'Bjamena and Agent Miracsky, who against my better judgement is driving, thinks we can circumvent them. Also I'm afraid we had to fire a warning shot at some ghastly tribesman who tried to steal my travel iron. Have you any advice on the matter regarding the mountains - it is causing much concern. Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office. Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha, I can only advice you to be cautious of the journey through the mountain, it is danderous, moreso, there are some dangerous animals around there.But I pray that nothing happens to you guys. Endevour to give me your exact date and time of your arrival. I am waiting anxiously for your arrival. Koffi Williams. Koffi Williams To: Princess Margaret Subject: The call.... Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2003 Dear Princess Margaret, I called the number you gave to call you, I was told that you have not come to the hotel for about two days. Please update me on your arrival date and the arrangement. God bless, Koffi. Agatha Bristol To: WILLIAMS KOFFI Date: 01 Feb 2003 Dear Mr. Williams, Indeed you have proved to be correct. Agent Miracsky has managed to snap our rear axle when he mistook a Buffalo for a picnic table and hit the poor animal head-on. Fortunately the beast escaped with just a knock on the head but we are currently immobile. However, Barrymore has suggested that we comandeer the next vehicle we see in the name of urgent Government business. We did own Africa once, you know. I will be in touch as soon as we are on the road again. Thank you for your understanding. Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha, Well the ball is in your court.When ever you are ready, endevour to let me know for my preparation for your reception. Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 03 Feb 2003 My dear Williams, Positive news at last. We were able to hitch a lift on a fruit lorry and are now well on the way to Ghana. More specifically, we are in Nigeria after driving all night. Therefore, I am pleased to say that this transaction is back on track. I do apologise for any inconvenience. We will be stopping in Lagos for a night or so because not only are we exhausted, Miracsky managed to gamble away our money in a game of hop-scotch in Khartoum. However, Barrymore is on his mobile phone to the Treasury to try and persuade them to wire some extra funds. Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha, Please tell me precisely when and how you are coming to Ghana. HRH Princess Margaret My Dear Mr Koffi My dearest apologies for the mix up. Some rather urgent business came up which require me to detour to Brigadoon for a meeting with Admiral Benbow. However things are now back on track and I expect to be at the hotel in a day or so. I trust all is well with you. For security reasons I will be making a reservation in the name of Dame Moira Quim and Hugh Janus. Please reassure me all is proceeding apace at your end. MARGARET Koffi Williams Date: Tue, 4 Feb 2003 Dear Princess Margaret, There is no problems from my side, rather what baffles me is that Lady Agatha and Barymore, wrote me yesterday, telling me that they are in Nigeria and that in two to three days they will be in Ghana, where I am presently monitoring the security company. My dear Princes Magret, could you arrange yourselves in order, and tell me precisely when and how you are coming for the conclusion of the deal. I may call you tomorrow by 12 noon Gmt. Please clear me, so that I will know my next line of action. Greetings to Her Royal Majesty and to you all. God bless. Koffi Williams. HRH Princess Margaret Date: 04 Feb 2003 My dear Koffi I am too busy to play fiddy-faddy with the fine details of these operations, my dear chap. Such native issues as are at your disposal should be resolved quickly. You must liaise with Lady Agatha; she has my highest regards, and I am sure that you would wish us to compromise security. Have you completed and returned the Oath of Allegience ? MARGARET Agatha Bristol To: Princess Margaret , koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 04 Feb 2003 Your Esteemed Royal Highness, Thank you for your missive. I have explained to Mr. Williams about our problems and I should have thought that it was clear to him what has happened. However, we are now in Benin and will be making our way to Togo tonight. I remain concerned about Miracsky, though, as he and Barrymore have requested an evening to go out with Trotter and Kray, our pilots. I have agreed to this request. It has been a long journey, after all. They will be carrying their standard-issue firearms. Koffi Williams Dear Agatha, I am glad at the information you have just released.I am looking forward to seeing you in Ghana. I will be on my computer 24 hrs to know your time of arrival and the hotel you will check in. Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 05 Feb 2003 My dear Williams, All seems to be going smoothly, but once again Agent Miracsky has been led astray. Our pilots, Ronald Kray and Rodney Trotter, together with Barrymore and Miracsky, went out last night as discussed. However, Trotter is no nowhere to be seen and Kray has an unfortunate itch in his nether regions, while Barrymore is wearing a cretinous smile all the time and Miracsky is making even less sense than usual. However, Ronald Kray has been sent back to London on a boat we have chartered, called 'The Blind Beggar', so we are now down to Barrymore, Miracsky and myself. As we near Ghana, however, Barrymore has one or two questions about the technicalities of this transaction. i) Are we going to be using the Bowden/Munro rule to dissipate the pro-twix conglomeration? ii) Do we take into account the PhigRolz Principle insomuch as Her Majesty's money will go to you via a straight cash transaction? iii) Finally, we have lost the documents you sent some while ago. Please can you re-send them? We will also be needing a hotel that caters to our requirements, as Princess Margaret may be coming to join us - and of course, to collect the X-Box. Do let us know of the best hotels in Accra. Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office Koffi Williams Subject: Where are you? Dear Agatha, Thanks for your mail.Like I stated before, you should use the english words that I can understand easily. All I know is that as soon as we meet here, I will introduce the lawyer to you,who will get the two documents mentioned earlier. For the ones you said you lost, do not worry, I will bring them to you. For hotel reservation, I am making arrangement with a friend of mine to lodge you in his well furnished guest house that will equally meet your needs. Remember that you said that Her Royal Majesty will not like to appear in the picture, so please on this note, remember not to disclose your mission to anybody here for security reasons. Finally, on reaching Accra, let me know the exact place you will be.I am searching for a hotel that will meet your standard where you can spend a day before moving to the guest house.I will give you the names and address of the one I will find. Expecting to read from you. Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 05 Feb 2003 Dear Mr. Williams, I understand that perhaps English isn't your first language but I'm afraid our knowledge of local tenement dialects is strictly limited. However, is there no way you can obtain answers to these questions? Also, how do you want the money paid? We have a case full of Czech Dorks, courtesy of Agent Miracsky. I hope this is useful. We appreciate you bringing the documentation. In terms of the guest house, may I respectfully suggest that we are not going to stay in a mud-hut. We represent the highest echelons of the British Government and expect to be treated as such. Nothing less than five stars (and two Michelin stars for the restaurant) will do. We will arrive in Accra over the next two days. Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office Agatha Bristol My dear Koffi, I am slightly bemused by your e-mail to Her Majesty. We have been corresponding with you in good faith yet to surreptitiously contact your elders and betters in a shabby attempt to no doubt gain access for pecuniary gain. We are most disappointed. However, we will be at the Novotel Accra Ghana, Barnes Road, Accra. A picture is attached of some charming natives helping with our cases. We are currently checked into Room 69 under the name ISA WANKER. Looking forward to sharing an aperitif with you. Koffi Williams Subject: Call me on your arrival. -- Dear Lady Agatha, I have called Novotel Hotel to inquire of your arrival, I was told by the receptionist that they have no such rooms numbered 69.That their room numbers starts from 100 and upwards. These are the numbers I called:66 76 40, 66 76 42, 66 75 46. Well, if you arrive, kindly call me on this number. 024-37 26 95 to confirm your arrival. You are welcome to Ghana. Looking forward to your call and also send me email. Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 07 Feb 2003 My dear Williams, I do apologize. Agent Miracsky has made several mistakes in booking us into the Novotel. We are actually in room 169, under the name Ted Bundy. You may find the Receptionist does not recognize us because we are on confidential business and are carrying a large amount of cash. May I suggest that we meet by the swimming pool, tomorrow, early - at 7 am - to finally finish this transaction. I will not be present but Agent Miracsky will be there. He will be in golf attire - plus fours, yellow socks, a tank top and bobble hat. He will also be holding a set of golf clubs but please do not approach him in an excited fashion or offer a welcoming tribal dance - he is armed. Perhaps we can take brunch later? Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office Koffi Williams Dear Agatha, you are welcome to GHana.I will meet you people tomorrow as you have instructed. Please, make sure you do not disclose your mission to anybody. Have a nice sleep. Mensah. Agatha Bristol To: WILLIAMS KOFFI Date: 08 Feb 2003 Dear Sir, I am not sure of whom you are but we deal only with Koffi Williams. To this end, Agent Miracsky has suggested that we change hotels, which we are in the process of doing. We will inform Mr. Williams and only Mr. Williams when we are settled, but I will say that we have left the Novotel. Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office HRH Princess Margaret My Dear Mr Koffi What is happening in this business? I am concerned that no real progress is being made. MARGARET Agatha Bristol To: Princess Margaret Cc: koffixxwilliams@yahoo.co.uk Date: 09 Feb 2003 Your Highness: Grave news; we received an unsecure e-mail message from someone pretending to be Mr. Williams. We have moved from the Novotel in Ghana on Agent Miracsky's advice, to a confidential location elsewhere. We will inform Mr. Williams of our location as soon as he replies to us. As we remain concerned about the confidentiality of this transaction and the resulting possible embarrasment, may I respecfully suggest, therefore, that you contact Mr. Abacha in case this deal is compromised. Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office HRH Princess Margaret Date: 10 Feb 2003 Dear Lady Agatha This seems an excellent idea. Mr Abacha is offering a very good deal and would make an acceptable substitute. MARGARET Ilichy Miracsky Cc: koffixxwilliams Date: 10 Feb 2003 Dear Miss Bristols Who Mensah? Is group for clever clogs pepples? Hope hearings Ilichy Agatha Bristol Date: 10 Feb 2003 Agent Miracsky: I am not sure who he is. However, we are endeavouring to find out. Please go to Red Alert. Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha, SSorry, Mensah is the friend I am staying in his guest house.I asked him to contact you when I was on drugs on that day of your arrival. Why did you behave like that?.You gave me a room number, I called the room that night,the receptionist told me that nobody was there,I asked your through email to call me with a number attached to it, you failed to call. What is actually your position?.I am tired of all these disappointments from you. Finally, if you know that the trust is no longer there, you cannot be wasting your time here than to go back. This is the deal that is surposed to have been concluded before december last year, but has lingered up til now, I am tired. Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol To: WILLIAMS KOFFI Date: 10 Feb 2003 My dear Koffi, I am most distressed. Firstly you let another person in on this confidential transaction, and then you tell me that you are a drug user. Her Royal Highness is not amused. Anyone would have thought that you do not wish to take the $50,000 compensation we have. I am not sure if we should tell you of our whereabouts, especially given that Mr. Abacha seems to understand confidentiality. Yours, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office Koffi Williams To: Princess Margaret Subject: Advice.... Date: Mon, 10 Feb 2003 Dear Princess, I am very much surprise at the behavior of Lady Agatha and Co. Could you believe that they checked into a hotel and gave me a wrong room number and wrong checkin name. I gave them mail with a number to call me so that I can meet them, uptill now they did not call me. I need your advice. Koffi. HRH Princess Margaret Date: 10 Feb 2003 My Dear Mr Koffee I am surprised that Lady Agatha's party have been so remiss in their permabulations. I am sure that, once matters are resolved, they will be in contact. If there is some confusion I suggest that you suggest a time and place for our party to make itself known to you and shake your hand. Is there a native bazaar, or cattle market nearby with suitable tea rooms you can recommend? MARGARET Agatha Bristol To: Princess Margaret Cc: koffixxwilliams, ilichy.miracsky Date: 10 Feb 2003 Your Most Respected Royal Highness, I would like to say that Mr. Williams' behaviour has been disappointing, given the trust he has hitherto built up with us. Not only did he compromise the confidentiality of this transaction but he now has the temerity to contact you, his superior in an attempt to gain access to the highest echelons of the Royal Family! Your Highness, we have travelled from the other side of Africa - an uncivilized, barren scrubland - to meet him. We had to change hotel because of Mr. Williams' own security problems yet now he blames us for behaving improperly. May I suggest in the strongest possible terms that we extricate ourselves from this desperate place and come home immediately, where I believe, Mr. Abacha is staying at the Bowden Hotel on Piccadilly. Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London HRH Princess Margaret Date: 10 Feb 2003 Well Mr Williams, How say you, my fine fellow? This report of Lady Agathas is disconcerting. Our time is limited, you know. MARGARET Ilichy Miracsky Cc: koffixxwilliams Date: 10 Feb 2003 Dear Lady Agatha Is big nincompoops this fellows. Can speak this real means chap Abacha now? ILICHY Koffi Williams Dear Agatha, Yes, you have not heared from me.Is this the way to do business?.You lied to me, that means once we get the documents in your name, you will deny me.Magret even said that I have missed 50,000 pounds you people wanted to give me.Why that statement?.Though I am not as rich as you people, but by the Grace of God, I feed fine, I am not a begger. Now listen, if really you have a genuine intention, kindly give me your telephone number where I can reach you. Again, I have to bring to your notice that the lawyer Mr. Gani Femi have since left to Togo.With the message that if you people actually wants him to come for the job, that you should mobilise him with the sum of 7,000 pounds. I also surported him on that stand.If you are ready to send the mobilisation fee to the lawyer, let me know so as to give you directions on how to send it. We should not be behaving like kids. And I do not want to hear about that X-Box issue again. I am waiti ng for your reply. Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 14 Feb 2003 Dear Koffi, I am, frankly, amazed at your tone. Your friend breached the confidentiality that you are always reminding us about, and we went through the upheaval of moving hotel - yet you chide us about our behaviour. We have always had such an excellent relationship so your words baffle all of us, so much so that we are tempted to go back to London. However, we will prepare to go to Togo to meet you. We will give you ten thousand pounds; seven for the lawyer and three for your so-called inconvenience. We can give it to you in person, if you wish. Now let us have no more of this silliness and accusatory e-mails. Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha, We have wasted much time.I am sorry if the tone of my mail have offended you.However, I am prepared to wait till the last day of the conclusion of this deal. I still stand by my words, SEND THE MONEY to the lawyer as I have told you.I do not need any money from you.Contact the lawyer and ask him how you can send it across to him. Do you know why I am in doubts, you said you were in Novotel, Okay, I went to Novotel that night to have a warm embrace with you people, but was surprised when the receptionists vehemently told me that there were no such people like you.If it were you, will you be happy with me?.I repeated the visit in the morning, I did not see any white man at the swiming pool. I began to wonder why you chose to come to Ghana by land all the way from Sudan-Nigeria-Benin-Togo finally to Ghana.You also told me you sent one of your pilots back to England in a chartered boat, why not by flight, think about this.Is it because you were short of funds, "representatives of Her Majesty"I have never begged money from you before, but you have been offering to give me money to entice me for any reason best known to you. Finally, my dear Lady Agatha, follow my instructions and we will get this money out in less than one week.We can still make out more out of this relationship. Remember, it is only the change of ownership and court affidavit that is hindering us from claiming the deposit. Any thing outside this arrangement, PLEASE, do not bother yourselves by writing me any more mails. Expecting your response. Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 15 Feb 2003 My dear Koffi, I feel that this transsaction has been cursed somewhat simply by bad luck and misunderstandings. You may feel that the way we have approached this matter is rather strange, and we can understand this. However, we can afford not to take any chances as exposure in this matter will have extremely grave consequences. We are now ready to proceed, however. I have sent Agent Miracsky into the town to transfer the cash to Mr. Gani Femi. Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office Koffi Williams Dear lady Agatha, i thank you for your mail,as soon as i recieved your mail ,i want staight to the lawyers office mr gani femi ,that you want to make the payment but he was against you have sent Agent Miracsky into the town to transfer the cash to that account that is the old one please by monday that he gani femi will go and get a new account for the said payment . therefore that if you are guite sure of making the payment ,then it will be best for you to write him to send you the account. e mail ; ganifemichambers2@yahoo.co.uk best regards koffi williams Agatha Bristol Date: 16 Feb 2003 Dear Koffi, We would appear to have yet another problem. Agent Miracsky and Michael Montague Barrymore have transferred the money to the old account. Unfortunately it has been 24 hours since I checked the e-mail and the money has now gone missing. Is there anything that we can do? Yours ever, Ilichy Miracsky Date: 16 Feb 2003 Is all sticky doings, thats for sures. Koffi Williams Dear lady Agatha, I appreciate your effort in making the payment as you said, immediately i opened my box i headed straight to gani femi's house to tell him that you people have made the payment while he told me that he contacted the business man who owned the account last night and he was told that the account was okey. if really you hed made the payment please could you dim it fit to scan me the payment slip and as well as to gani's. in order for him to confirm . i am awaiting the payment slip. best regards koffi williams Agatha Bristol Date: 16 Feb 2003 My dear Koffi, What payment slip? Yours, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha, What do you say, you told me in you e-mail that the Agent Miracsky and michael Montague Barrymore have transferred the money to the old account. Unfortunately it has been 24 hours since I checked the e-mail and the money has now gone missing.could you please send to me the account you us to make the payment lady Agatha. you say What payment slip? koffi williams Agatha Bristol Date: 17 Feb 2003 Dear Koffi , Having spoken to Agent Miracsky, he says that the gentleman did not give him a slip or receipt for the payment. Is this a problem? Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha, Thanks for your mail. What I wanted to understand was that you told me that you have paid the money and now you said that you were not given a payment slip or reciept,so what evidence do you have to show to that you have paid any money?Since you were not given anything atleast you must have been given a paper work from the bank to show that you paid a money into an account. I will also like you to reconfirm the account that I gave to you and to whoms account you paid the money into,And also I will advise you to go back to the bank and request for a payment slip of the money you paid. I am very suprised on this issue,how can it be that there can'nt be any trust with someone who I am working and doing business with?I will advise that you go to the bank and request for a payment slip. I Await Your Urgent Response. Regards, Koffi Williams. Agatha Bristol Date: 17 Feb 2003 My dear Williams, This does indeed seem strange. I have sent Agent Miracsky back to the gentleman concerned to retrieve some paperwork. For added security, Michael Montague Barrymore has assisted him. Before they left, however, Agent Miracsky mentioned Apex Bank, Nigeria. Does this make any sense? They are on their way into Accra as we speak. I do hope that this works out. Perhaps we can meet? I am not sure if I have given you our new, secure location. Thank you for your patience. Koffi Williams Dear Lady Agatha, Thank you for your mail. What I will like to understand is that,did you pay the money to Nigeria or in London? Where exactly did you pay this money to? This whole issue is very complecating and is not clear to me at all. Please I'd like you to clearify me on this. First of all what your are expected to follow the instructions of the lawyer and do as he says and when things are clearified the you can come down to Ghana. Regards, Koffi Williams Agatha Bristol Date: 18 Feb 2003 Dear Koffi, I do apologise if my e-mail was somewhat woolly. Sir Marmite Luny-Binns, Chief Equirry to HRH Princess Margaret was on the telephone to Michael Barrymore at the time, demanding the same answers as you. Marmite does spread himself a little thinly at times. To business, then: Agent Miracsky went to an office in Accra to transfer the money into the bank account, which I have found out was for Zenith Bank in Lagos. The money went through, but Agent Miracsky did not pick up a payment slip. He was told that was the way things are done in Ghana. And it is dreadfully hot. We may be able to get the money back, however. Do you have any thoughts on this matter? Yours ever, Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office Koffi Williams Subject: What Is It You Take Me for? Dear Agatha, What is it you take me for?Do you think that I am a fool that is why you can joke and fool me around?Let me tell you something you have made a very big mistake joking with me in such way. You can go ahead and eat your money as I am no longer interested in doing Business with you. Fuck You!!! Koffi Agatha Bristol Date: 19 Feb 2003 Oh dear. The person who is fucked, my dear pathetic, ghastly little tribesman, is you. Because every single one of your emails has gone to a lovely website called ScamOrama - perfect for greasy, greedy, STUPID, semi-literate twats like you, mugu. Oh yes, I've also emailed the 419 Advance Fee Fraud Division with ALL your details. Enjoy. Best put the kettle on for when they come round, wanker. Yours, The Special Operations Department. [Pass the Darjeeling.]

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