Date: July 19, 2010 5:35:11 AM PDT
To: <annaisaac.01@gmx.com>
Subject: RE: Hello

Who is this? I thought the paternity claim was settled?

T

Lonslo Tossov (CEO)
Tossov Investments SA
1 Yanker Ave,
Mbalongawank 123
Via Costeira - Natal
Phone/Fax: +55 (84) 202.1300
http://www.freewebs.com/tossovinvestments

Date: July 20, 2010 5:19:18 AM PDT

Dear Ms Isaac

I must admit I am a bit flabbergasted by this story, although obviously greatly moved by your plight and I will certainly do what I can to see you get exactly what you deserve. Such heroism and dignity in the face of adversity is enough to bring a tear to this businessman's eye, hardened though my heart is through years of boardroom cut-and-thrust. However, if you have access to PC as you do for email, let us chat on SKYPE, which is easily downloaded. It will cut Reverend Father out of the equation altogether. I am sure he is a holy and trustworthy person, but why take the risk with such a delicate matter?

Also, it occured to me how you will travel to continue your education if your travelling documents are hidden away? This may be a problem.

Lonslo

PS let me know your postal address and I will see if I can get a crate of foodstuffs over to you. Do you like baked beans and corn beef hash? I can get the natives in the postroom here to send it out through international courier, maybe throw in some make up too as I imagine the poor conditions have not done your face any favours.

Lonslo Tossov (CEO)
Tossov Investments SA
1 Yanker Ave,
Mbalongawank 123
Via Costeira - Natal
Phone/Fax: +55 (84) 202.1300
http://www.freewebs.com/tossovinvestments

Date: July 20, 2010 1:58:38 PM PDT

Dear Ms Isaac

God be praised for giving you the strength to reply so quickly. I must admit, while leading the congregation in their favourite hymn of 'Bright Merkin Seraphins Do Raise' this evening I was thinking of our recent contact. So much so in fact, I almost missed the start of the first reading until churchwarden Miracsky gave me nudge in the cassocks. Quite a novelty for me to be so remiss in liturgical matters I can assure you of that.

Now, onto matters in hand. Have you had any thoughts about the contact by Skype? I am sure it would be more secure by way of keeping matters just between us than through a go between as you suggest. I have nothing against your Rev Father but, if he is Catholic, I may have some issues of faith with him which makes me uneasy.

You have asked for my details, my dear and they are as follows:

The Reverend Lonslo Tossov
Mbalonga Baptist Church
1 Yanker Ave,
Mbalongawank 123
Via Costeira - Natal
Phone/Fax: +55 (84) 202.1300

I also attach a couple of pictures as you have requested.

---

[I BELIEVE I CHOSE IMAGES OF REV IAN PAISLEY_FAMOUS NORTHERN IRELAND UNIONIST AND DEMAGOGUE KNOWN FOR HIS AGGRESSIVE STANCE AND BOOMING VOICE_QUITE UNLIKE MY GENTLE AND CHARITABLE DISPOSITION_I CAN ASSURE YOU OF THAT]

---

I must admit the idea of marriage is something which made me smile modestly. I think, to be honest, that we are probably of too different ages for a happy union although you look delightful, with a full bodied, child-bearing figure. Also I would want a woman who was clean, virginal and, most importantly, doctrinally sound.

Thank you for your address. Do you want me to put together an aid package as I previously suggested?

It also occurs to me that I may have to get my superior's permission before going a stage further. Bishop Drifte is known to take an interest in any large donations which are likely in our parish and it is best he is involved.

Rev T

Date: July 22, 2010 5:42:36 AM PDT
Subject: To Ms Isaac

Dear Anna

God has blessed me with such confidence in this deed! On the way to our little tin-roofed chapel this morning, there was quite a spring to my step. Even the cat calls from youths drinking beer in the cemetary and then the treading in some gruffalo droppings left overnight did nothing to dampen my spirits. It is amazing what a little kindness can do to one's appreciation of life! How is life in the refugee camp today? I trust that you manage to find clean water for your ablutions. I know how dusty it can get out amidst the hurly burly of tents, urchins, burning tyres and the like. Incidentally do let me know about a parcel of foodstuffs that we can send out, we are keen to see you are well done by.

Many thanks for getting back to me so promptly. Reading your message carefully, I am not sure what you mean about two email addresses? I only have one here. There is another one for the church but this is for contributions only. Do I have to open up another one? Why do I need two? Please explain.

I called the number you gave today but there was no answer. Can you please check the number. Also, who should I ask for?

I have spoken to my Bishop and he says he will give full support to this business if you sign our Mbalonga Testimonial of Faith document. Purely a spiritual formality of course, but one he sets great store on. Is this possible? It may be difficult to proceed without it, I have to admit.

Rev T

Incidentally I showed your picture to our verger, Mr John Thomas, and he asked if you have a younger sister.

The Reverend Lonslo Tossov Mbalonga Baptist Church

Date: July 23, 2010 5:44:53 AM PDT
Subject: To Miss Isaac

Dear Ms Isaac

The Lord has shone his light on me again today, as I opened your kind mail and see your kind words about my photos. I must admit such images place me in rather a severe light, but I am usually quite charitable and approachable, as the Smegaroon Orphanage and others can no doubt testify. I must apologise for not having yet rung the bank. This is because I was waiting reply on those queries I supplied in my last message to you. I am sorry if my questions prove worrisome, but I have great faith in only doing what is right. The Lord would have it no other way.

When is a good time to call you? I have tried a couple of times with no success. Perhaps the time difference is a factor. Then again, there are only certain times I am free to make a call. My time is limited, what with visits to distant parishioners, many of whom have little of the modern conveniences. It is a long way out and back sometimes, when on a late mercy errand, bouncing around in the back of a pick up truck, holding a pig.

I have spoken to my Bishop again and he has confirmed that we will need you to sign our Mbalonga Testimonial of Faith document before we can proceed much further. I must admit, knowing you to be the god-fearing mendicant that you are I took the liberty of saying yes on your behalf. If you wish to be sent the form, then just let me know. Once we get that settled then I will of course feel spiritually at ease and able to contact the bank forthwith.

I do hope you are well. The sun is shining here and I have just put fresh flowers on the alter, having swept the pigeon droppings onto the floor for the native boy to tidy away. I am naturally being greatly affected by your tales of distress and suffering. I am sure that the long nights spent under tarpaulin, with nothing but goat stew and what not to consume keeping body and mind together must be taking their toll. My prayers are with you, rest assured of that.

Let me remind you once again of our willingness to send food parcels & etc if you are desperate. Are you short of knickers? My washerwoman might have some spare.

Write soon

God help you

Rev T
The Reverend Lonslo Tossov
Mbalonga Baptist Church
1 Yanker Ave,
Mbalongawank 123
Via Costeira - Natal Phone/Fax: +55 (84) 202.1300

Date: July 23, 2010 1:39:13 PM PDT

Dear Ms Isaac

I am delighted that you have seen the light so quickly and agree to this important detail. It bodes well and will surely serve you well in heaven. Let us never be afraid to affirm our spiritual choices together as God-fearing folk and come together in the light of heaven. As I mentioned in my previous letter, we are eager to be reassured that we share the same faith and this will restore confidence. Please print out the document we have discussed as given below and sign, date it & etc. It can be returned as an attachment. We are very keen to make immediate progress, so please hurry.

I do hope that you are well. Today is the first day of the local festival of St Cameron, and we are all praying that he will hear us crying, lambs in the wilderness. In the land of Cleg he smote the unbelievers and suffered for his pain.

Thank you for your address, I shall consult with my congregation and see what can found, and spared, to send you by way of relief from our flock here in Mbalonga. We are a modestly endowed church and congregation but I am sure we will see you done over properly, and in short order too. If there is anything you particulary lack please let us know, excepting lewd and lascivious literature and immodest clothing, obviously.

God be with you my child

I, .............. .................................

Hereby swear and attest under almighty God and all the saints the following articles of spiritual cognisance:

Articles I to VIII

Article I

Of faith in the Holy Trinity
There is but one living and true God, everlasting, without body, parts, or passions; of infinite power, wisdom, and goodness; the maker and preserver of all things both visible and invisible. And in unity of this Godhead there be three Persons, of one substance, power, and eternity; the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.

Article II

Of the Word, or Son of God, which was made very man
The Son, which is the Word of the Father, begotten from everlasting of the Father, the very and eternal God, and of one substance with the Father, took man's nature in the womb of the blessed Virgin, of her substance: so that two whole and perfect natures, that is to say, the Godhead and manhood, were joined together in one person, never to be divided, whereof is one Christ, very God and very man, who truly suffered, was crucified, dead, and buried, to reconcile His Father to us, and to be a sacrifice, not only for original guilt, but also for all actual sins of men.

Article III

Of the going down of Christ into Hell
As Christ died for us, and was buried, so also is it to be believed that He went down into Hell.

Article IV

Of the Resurrection of Christ
Christ did truly rise again from death, and took again His body, with flesh, bones, and all things appertaining to the perfection of man's nature, wherefore He ascended into heaven, and there sitteth until He return to judge all men at the last day.

Article V

Of the Holy Ghost
The Holy Ghost, proceeding from the Father and the Son, is of one substance, majesty, and glory with the Father and the Son, very and eternal God.

Article VI

Of the sufficiency of the Holy Scripture for Salvation
Holy Scripture containeth all things necessary to salvation: so that whatsoever is not read therein, nor may be proved thereby, is not to be required of any man, that it should be believed as an article of the faith, or be thought requisite or necessary to salvation.
In the name of Holy Scripture, we do understand those Canonical books of the Old and New testament, of whose authority was never any doubt in the Church.
Of the names and number of the Canonical Books.

Genesis.
Exodus.
Leviticus.
Numbers.
Deuteronomy
Joshua.
Judges.
Ruth.
The First Book of Samuel.
The Second Book of Samuel.
The First Book of Kings.
The Second Book of Kings.
The First Book of Chronicles.
The Second Book of Chronicles.
The First Book of Esdras.
The Second Book of Esdras.
The Book of Esther.
The Book of Job.
The Psalms.
The Proverbs.
Ecclesiastes, or the Preacher.
Cantica, or Songs of Solomon.
Four Prophets the Greater.
Twelve Prophets the Less. All the books of the New Testament, as they are commonly received, we do receive, and account them canonical.

And the other books (as Hierome saith) the Church doth read for example of life and instruction of manners; but yet doth it not apply them to establish any doctrine. Such are these following:

The Third Book of Esdras.
The Fourth Book of Esdras.
The Book of Tobias.
The Book of Judith.
The rest of the Book of Esther.
The Book of Wisdom.
Jesus the Son of Sirach.
Baruch the Prophet.
The Song of the Three Children.
The Story of Susanna.
Of Bel and the Dragon.
The Prayer of Manasses.
The First Book of Maccabees.
The Second Book of Maccabees.

Article VII

Of the Old Testament
The Old Testament is not contrary to the New; for both in the Old and New Testament everlasting life is offered to mankind by Christ, who is the only Mediator between God and man, being both God and man. Wherefore there are not to be heard which feign that the old fathers did look only for transitory promises. Although the law given from God by Moses, as touching ceremonies and rites, do not bind Christian men, nor the civil precepts thereof ought of necessity to be received in any commonwealth; yet, notwithstanding, no Christian man whatsoever is free from the obedience of the commandments which are called moral.

Article VIII

Of the Three Creeds
The three Creeds, Nicene Creed, Athanasius' Creed, and that which is commonly called the Apostles' Creed, ought thoroughly to be received and believed; for they may be proved by most certain warrants of Holy Scripture.

Articles IX to XVIII: Personal Religion

Article IX

Of Original or Birth Sin
Original sin standeth not in the following of Adam (as the Pelagians do vainly talk), but it is the fault and corruption of the nature of every man that naturally is engendered of the offspring of Adam, whereby man is very far gone from original righteousness, and is of his own nature inclined to evil, so that the flesh lusteth always contrary to the spirit; and therefore in every person born into this world, it deserveth God's wrath and damnation. And this infection of nature doth remain, yea, in them that are regenerated, whereby the lust of the flesh, called in Greek phronema sarkos (which some do expound the wisdom, some sensuality, some the affection, some the desire of the flesh), is not subject to the law of God. And although there is no condemnation for them that believe and are baptized, yet the Apostle doth confess that concupiscence and lust hath itself the nature of sin.

Article X

Of Free Will
The condition of man after the fall of Adam is such, that he cannot turn and prepare himself, by his own natural strength and good works, to faith and calling upon God. Wherefore we have no power to do good works pleasant and acceptable to God, without the grace of God by Christ preventing us that we may have a good will, and working with us when we have that good will.

Article XI

Of the Justification of Man
We are accounted righteous
before God, only for the merit of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ by faith, and not for our own works or deservings. Wherefore that we are justified by faith only is a most wholesome doctrine, and very full of comfort; as more largely is expressed in the Homily of Justification.

Article XII

Of Good Works
Albeit that good works, which are the fruits of faith and follow after justification, cannot put away our sins and endure the severity of God's judgement, yet are they pleasing and acceptable to God in Christ, and do spring out necessarily of a true and lively faith, insomuch that by them a lively faith may be as evidently known as a tree discerned by the fruit.

Article XIII

Of Works before Justification
Works done before the grace of Christ and the inspiration of His Spirit, are not pleasant to God, forasmuch as they spring not of faith in Jesus Christ, neither do they make men meet to receive grace, or (as the School authors say) deserve grace of congruity: yea, rather for that they are not done as God hath willed and commanded them to be done, we doubt not but they have the nature of sin.

Article XIV

Of Works of Supererogation
Voluntary works besides, over and above, God's commandments which they call Works of Supererogation, cannot be taught without arrogancy and impiety. For by them men do declare that they do not only render unto God as much as they are bound to do, but that they do more for His sake than of bounden duty is required: Whereas Christ saith plainly, When ye have done all that are commanded to you, say, We be unprofitable servants.

Article XV

Of Christ alone without Sin
Christ in the truth of our nature was made like unto us in all things, sin only except, from which He was clearly void, both in His flesh and in His spirit. He came to be the lamb without spot, Who by sacrifice of Himself once made, should take away the sins of the world: and sin, as S. John saith, was not in Him. But all we the rest, although baptized and born again in Christ, yet offend in many things: and if we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.

Article XVI

Of Sin after Baptism
Not every deadly sin willingly committed after Baptism is sin against the Holy Ghost, and unpardonable. Wherefore the grant of repentance is not to be denied to such as fall into sin after Baptism. After we have received the Holy Ghost, we may depart from grace given and fall into sin, and by the grace of God we may arise again and amend our lives. And therefore they are to be condemned, which say, they can no more sin as long as they live here, or deny the place of forgiveness to such as truly repent.

Article XVII

Of Predestination and Election
Predestination to life is the everlasting purpose of God, whereby, before the foundations of the world were laid, He hath constantly decreed by His counsel secret to us, to deliver from curse and damnation those whom He hath chosen in Christ out of mankind, and to bring them by Christ to everlasting salvation as vessels made to honour. Wherefore they which be endued with so excellent a benefit of God be called according to God's purpose by His Spirit working in due season; they through grace obey the calling; they be justified freely; they be made sons of God by adoption; they be made like the image of His only-begotten Son Jesus Christ; they walk religiously in good works; and at length by God's mercy they attain to everlasting felicity.
As the godly consideration of Predestination and our Election in Christ is full of sweet, pleasant, and unspeakable comfort to godly persons and such as feel in themselves the working of the Spirit of Christ, mortifying the works of the flesh and their earthly members and drawing up their mind to high and heavenly things, as well because it doth greatly establish and confirm their faith of eternal salvation to be enjoyed through Christ, as because it doth fervently kindle their love towards God: so for curious and carnal persons, lacking the Spirit of Christ, to have continually before their eyes the sentence of God's Predestination is a most dangerous downfall, whereby the devil doth thrust them either into desperation or into wretchlessness of most unclean living no less perilous than desperation.
Furthermore, we must receive God's promises in such wise as they be generally set forth in Holy Scripture; and in our doings that will of God is to be followed which we have expressly declared unto us in the word of God.

Article XVIII

Of obtaining eternal salvation only by the name of Christ
They also are to be had accursed that presume to say that every man shall be saved by the law or sect which he professeth, so that he be diligent to frame his life according to that law and the light of nature. For Holy Scripture doth set out to us only the name of Jesus Christ, whereby men must be saved.

Articles XIX to XXXI: Corporate Religion

Article XIX

Of the Church
The visible Church of Christ is a congregation of faithful men, in the which the pure word of God is preached and the sacraments be duly ministered according to Christ's ordinance in all those things that of necessity are requisite to the same. As the Church of Jerusalem, Alexandria, and Antioch have erred: so also the Church of Rome hath erred, not only in their living and manner of ceremonies, but also in matters of faith.

Article XX

Of the Authority of the Church
The Church hath power to decree rites or ceremonies and authority in controversies of faith; and yet it is not lawful for the Church to ordain anything contrary to God's word written, neither may it so expound one place of Scripture, that it be repugnant to another. Wherefore, although the Church be a witness and a keeper of Holy Writ: yet, as it ought not to decree anything against the same, so besides the same ought it not to enforce anything to be believed for necessity of salvation.

Article XXI

Of the authority of General Councils
General Councils may not be gathered together without the commandment and will of princes. And when they be gathered together, forasmuch as they be an assembly of men, whereof all be not governed with the Spirit and word of God, they may err and sometime have erred, even in things pertaining to God. Wherefore things ordained by them as necessary to salvation have neither strength nor authority, unless it may be declared that they be taken out of Holy Scripture.

Article XXII

Of Purgatory
The Romish doctrine concerning Pugatory, Pardons, worshipping and adoration as well of Images as of Relics, and also Invocation of Saint, is a fond thing vainly invented, and grounded upon no warranty of Scripture; but rather repugnant to the word of God.

Article XXIII

Of Ministering in the Congregation
It is not lawful for any man to take upon him the office of public preaching or ministering the sacraments in the congregation, before he be lawfully called and sent to execute the same. And those we ought to judge lawfully called and sent, which be chosen and called to this work by men who have public authority given unto them in the congregation to call and send ministers into the Lord's vineyard.

Article XXIV

Of speaking in the Congregation in such a tongue as the people understandeth
It is a thing plainly repugnant to the word of God and the custom of the primitive Church, to have public prayer in the Church, or to minister the sacraments in a tongue not understanded of the people.

Article XXV

Of the Sacraments
Sacraments ordained of Christ be not only badges or tokens of Christian men's profession, but rather they be certain sure witnesses and effectual signs of grace and God's good will towards us, by the which He doth work invisibly in us, and doth not only quicken, but also strengthen and confirm, our faith in Him. There are two Sacraments ordained of Christ our Lord in the Gospel, that is to say, Baptism and the Supper of the Lord.
Those five, commonly called Sacraments, that is to say, Confirmation, Penance, Orders, Matrimony, and Extreme Unction, are not to be counted for Sacraments of the Gospel, being such as have grown partly of the corrupt following of the Apostles, partly are states of life allowed in the Scriptures; but yet have not the like nature of Sacraments with Baptism and the Lord's Supper, for that they have not any visible sign or ceremony ordained of God.
The Sacraments were not ordained of Christ to be gazed upon or to be carried about, but that we should duly use them. And in such only as worthily receive the same, have they a wholesome effect or operation: but they that receive them unworthily, purchase to themselves damnation, as S. Paul saith.

Article XXVI

Of the unworthiness of the Ministers, which hinders not the effect of the Sacraments
Although in the visible Church the evil be ever mingled with the good, and sometime the evil have chief authority in the ministration of the word and sacraments; yet forasmuch as they do not the same in their own name, but in Christ's, and do minister by His commission and authority, we may use their ministry both in hearing the word of God and in the receiving of the sacraments. Neither is the effect of Christ's ordinance taken away by their wickedness, nor the grace of God's gifts diminished from such as by faith and rightly do receive the sacraments ministered unto them, which be effectual because of Christ's institution and promise, although they be ministered by evil men. Nevertheless it appertaineth to the discipline of the Church that inquiry be made of evil ministers, and that they be accused by those that have knowledge of their offences; and finally, being found guilty by just judgement, be deposed.

Article XXVII

Of Baptism
Baptism is not only a sign of profession and mark of difference whereby Christian men are discerned from other that be not christened, but is also a sign of regeneration or new birth, whereby, as by an instrument, they that receive baptism rightly are grafted into the Church; the promises of the forgiveness of sin, and of our adoption to be the sons of God, by the Holy Ghost are visibly signed and sealed; faith is confirmed, and grace increased by virtue of prayer unto God. The baptism of young children is in any wise to be retained in the Church as most agreeable with the institution of Christ.

Article XXVIII

Of the Lord's Supper
The Supper of the Lord is not only a sign of the love that Christians ought to have among themselves, one to another, but rather it is a sacrament of our redemption by Christ's death: insomuch that to such as rightly, worthily, and with faith receive the same, the bread which we break is a partaking of the body of Christ, and likewise the cup of blessing is a partaking of the blood of Christ.
Transubstantiation (or the change of the substance of bread and wine) in the Supper of the Lord, cannot be proved by Holy Writ, but is repugnant to the plain words of Scripture, overthroweth the nature of a Sacrament, and hath given occasion to many superstitions.
The body of Christ is given, taken, and eaten in the Supper, only after an heavenly and spiritual manner. And the mean whereby the body of Christ is received and eaten in the Supper is faith The Sacrament of the Lord's Supper was not by Christ's ordinance reserved, carried about, lifted up, or worshipped.

Article XXIX

Of the wicked which do not eat the body of Christ, in the use of the Lord's Supper
The wicked and such as be void of a lively faith, although they do carnally and visibly press with their teeth (as S. Augustine saith) the sacrament of the body and blood of Christ, yet in no wise are they partakers of Christ, but rather to their condemnation do eat and drink the sign or sacrament of so great a thing.

Article XXX

Of Both Kinds
The Cup of the Lord is not to be denied to the lay people; for both parts of the Lord's sacrament, by Christ's ordinance and commandment, ought to be ministered to all Christian men alike.

Article XXXI

Of the one oblation of Christ finished upon the Cross
The offering of Christ once made is the perfect redemption, propitiation, and satisfaction for all the sins of the whole world, both original and actual, and there is none other satisfaction for sin but that alone. Wherefore the sacrifices of Masses, in the which it was commonly said that the priests did offer Christ for the quick and the dead to have remission of pain or guilt, were blasphemous fables and dangerous deceits.

Articles XXXII to XXXIX: Miscellaneous

Article XXXII

Of the Marriage of Priests
Bishops, Priests, and Deacons are not commanded by God's laws either to vow the estate of single life or to abstain from marriage. Therefore it is lawful also for them, as for all other Christian men, to marry at their own discretion, as they shall judge the same to serve better to godliness.

Article XXXIII

Of Excommunicated Persons, how they are to be avoided
That persons which by open denunciation of the Church is rightly cut off from the unity of the Church and excommunicated, ought to be taken of the whole multitude of the faithful as an heathen and publican, until he be openly reconciled by penance and received into the Church by a judge that hath authority thereto.

Article XXXIV

Of the Traditions of the Church
It is not necessary that traditions and ceremonies be in all places one or utterly alike; for at all times they have been diverse, and may be changed according to the diversity of countries, times, and men's manners, so that nothing be ordained against God's word.
Whosoever through his private judgement willingly and purposely doth openly break the traditions and ceremonies of the Church which be not repugnant to the word of God, and be ordained and approved by common authority, ought to be rebuked openly that other may fear to do the like, as he that offendeth against common order of the Church, and hurteth the authority of the magistrate, and woundeth the conscience of the weak brethren.
Every particular or national Church hath authority to ordain, change, and abolish ceremonies or rites of the Church ordained only by man's authority, so that all things be done to edifying.

Article XXXV
Of Homilies
The second Book of Homilies, the several titles whereof we have joined under this Article, doth contain a godly and wholesome doctrine and necessary for these times, as doth the former Book of Homilies which were set forth in the time of Edward the Sixth: and therefore we judge them to be read in Churches by the ministers diligently and distinctly, that they may be understanded of the people.

Of the Names of the Homilies
1. Of the right Use of the Church
2. Against peril of Idolatry
3. Of the repairing and keeping clean of Churches
4. Of good Works: first of Fasting
5. Against Gluttony and Drunkenness
6. Against Excess of Apparel
7. Of Prayer
8. Of the Place and Time of Prayer
9. That Common Prayers and Sacraments ought to be ministered in a known tongue.
10. Of the reverend estimation of God's Word
11. Of Alms-doing
12. Of the Nativity of Christ
13. Of the Passion of Christ
14. Of the Resurrection of Christ
15. Of the worthy receiving of the Sacrament of the Body and Blood of Christ
16. Of the Gifts of the Holy Ghost
17. For the Rogation-days
18. Of the state of Matrimony
19. Of Repentance
20. Against Idleness
21. Against Rebellion

Article XXXVI
Of Consecration of Bishops and Ministers
The Book of Consecration of Archbishops and Bishops and ordering of Priests and Deacons, lately set forth in the time of Edward the Sixth and confirmed at the same time by authority of Parliament, doth contain all things necessary to such consecration and ordering; neither hath it anything that of itself is superstitious or ungodly.
And therefore whosoever are consecrate or ordered according to the rites of that book, since the second year of King Edward unto this time, or hereafter shall be consecrated or ordered according to the same rites, we decree all such to be rightly, orderly, and lawfully consecrated or ordered.

Article XXXVII
Of the Civil Magistrates
The Queen's Majesty hath the chief power in this realm of England and other her dominions, unto whom the chief government of all estates of this realm, whether they be ecclesiastical or civil, in all causes doth appertain, and is not nor ought to be subject to any foreign jurisdiction.
Where we attribute to the Queen's Majesty the chief government, by which titles we understand the minds of some slanderous folks to be offended, we give not to our princes the ministering either of God's word or of sacraments, the which thing the Injunctions also lately set forth by Elizabeth our Queen doth most plainly testify: but only that prerogative which we see to have been given always to all godly princes in Holy Scriptures by God himself, that is, that they should rule all estates and degrees committed to their charge by God, whether they be temporal, and restrain with the civil sword the stubborn and evil-doers.
The Bishop of Rome hath no jurisdiction in this realm of England.
The laws of the realm may punish Christian men with death for heinous and grievous offences.
It is lawful for Christian men at the commandment of the Magistrate to wear weapons and serve in the wars.

Article XXXVIII
Of Christian men's good which are not common
The riches and goods of Christians are not common, as touching the right, title, and possession of the same, as certain Anabaptists do falsely boast; notwithstanding every man ought of such things as he possesseth liberally to give alms to the poor, according to his ability.

Article XXXIX
Of a Christian man's Oath
As we confess that vain and rash swearing is forbidden Christian men by our Lord Jesus Christ, so we judge that Christian religion doth not prohibit but that a man may swear when the magistrate requireth in a cause of faith and charity, so it be done according to the Prophet's teaching in justice, judgement, and truth.

And having attested to this God Help Me,
In vimto vas deferens glorium pax est dominus merkins
Amen

(signed)
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(date)
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Witness
..........

address

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Church / Elder Shamen details:

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Date: July 27, 2010 5:44:38 AM PDT

Dear Ms Isaac

My weekend was fine, God be praised. We had a small festival here at Mbalonga, in respect of St Tesco's day. Nothing very grand, just a few hymns and a cattle-cake castle building competition for the younger ones. It was good to see such a good attendance of the congregation. Spirits were buoyed when I hinted at a new convert from the third world, one saved from the depravity and spiritual confusions of a refugee camp. I also intimated that we may be in receipt of additional funds, which led to a faint but hardy cheer from the back of the chapel as they helped the youngsters wash their hands.

I must admit I have not yet contacted the bank. My Bishop has forbade taking such a definite step until we have the Testimonial of Faith returned as an attached document, signed and completed properly. For some reason he feels the version you have returned, which to be frank could be typed out by anyone, does not signify a binding submission. I must admit I concur. An image file should do it. Can this be done as soon as possible? We are very eager to proceed.

Rev T

Date: July 29, 2010 9:12:41 AM PDT

Dear Miss Isaac

I am resending the Testimonial of Faith as requested. Bishop Marmite asks that you send it signed, and witnessed as a separate attachment. Once he has seen and approved same, then we will see you get what is coming to you.

God help you

Rev T

PS am working on that refugee parcel, what dress size are you? Do you prefer floral or plain patterning? I would not want you to look like some tribal floozie once it was on.

Date: July 31, 2010 2:34:58 PM PDT

Dear Ms Isaac

Many thanks for sending your attachment. I showed it to Bishop Marmite for approval during a quiet spell on the putting green this morning. He noted that, unfortunately, you have omitted the signature and witness portion of the document, which appear at the bottom. Please check to see if you have missed the end off as this bit is quite important.

As soon as we get the rest of the document, properly completed, then we are all ready to go this end. I shall say a prayer in your name during the service this Sunday.

Also, what is your dress size? I would not want to send clothes for you which are too large, and to have a pretty child like you marching round the camp once things arrive, looking for all the world like some half-filled sack of potatoes. Which reminds me to ask: what sort of food do you want sent the most? We have tins of gruffalo chunks in gravy which are very tasty, easily sourced locally, which can be despatched almost once.

God help you my child,

Rev T

Date: August 2, 2010 5:54:04 AM PDT

Dear Ms Isaac

Many thank for sending back the document and after receiving the later version, after evensong, I rushed it immediately over to Bishop Marmite for his stamp of approval. I am sure all will be fine. He was out on missionary work along the Smegaroon Delta when I arrived, a longstanding charitable committment of his, but I left it with Cardinal Biggles.

I have noted your dress size as 28. I have shown your picture to some of the Mbalonga Ladies' Sewing Circle, so that they can whip up some garments to send you as soon as possible. The ladies have some fine design ideas. By the way would you be partial to a plain or floral design? I am sure we can also find some grufallo skin matching handbag and shoes, very practical especially if you are running about barefoot there. What shoe size ought we choose if this is possible?

I hope to have news as to the food parcel soon, just as soon as I have discovered what our local appeal has brought in. I trust you are not allergic to any foodstuffs in particular. If so, please let me know. I know one fellow here who took a mouthful of custard at a confirmation last year whose face swelled up like a pumpkin. Dreadful.

As usual, you are in all of our hearts and we said another prayer for intercession during yesterday's service.

Rev T

[AS A POSTSCRIPTUM LET ME TELL YOU THAT WHICH ANNA SIGNED IS THE 39 ARTICLES OF THE CHURCH OF ENGLAND_SHE IS PRESUMABLY NOW IN COMMUNION WITH THE ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY_ THIS AS WELL AS SPEAKING TO CARDINAL RICHELIEU_NO WONDER SHE SOUNDS CONFUSED AND IN NEED OF THEOLOGICAL GUIDANCE]

Date: Mon, 2 Aug 2010 20:33:32 +0200
Subject: Business with Reverend Tossov - approval of payment
From: Bishop Marmite
To: annaisaac.01@gmx.com

Dear Ms Isaac

I have just returned from a charitable excursion and wanted to let you know personally that your Testimonial of Faith has proved acceptable. I must confess that your completion of the document brought a small tear to my eye. My apologies if we at Mbalongawank seem a little over zealous in matters of faith, but things ought to be done properly. One cannot mess with the good of the soul, after all. The Reverend Tossov is a good man and he has convinced me that you are someone to be done over properly.

He mentioned something about a fund transfer I believe? His little church has already collecting a small sum, I know, and in addition I am considering adding a modest contribution from the Indigent & Mendicant Charitable reserves which we keep here for the most deserving cases.

Please let me know the details of any transfer, bank accounts and etc and I will immediately pass then on with the authorised note for payment to our Church treasurer, Cardinal Richlieu. We will be happy to see you get what is coming to you.

Kind regards

Yeste Marmite

Right Reverend Bishop Yeste Marmite,
Broadmoor Church
Mbalongawank 24
Natal
086 419 3265 Ex 69

From: Tushie mashuganah
Date: August 2, 2010 2:51:45 PM PDT
To: lonslo Tossov

Your Reverence,

All very funny - do give Bishop Marmite my kindest regards and inform him that with regard to the regrettable incident with the feather duster and bowl of custard - well, what happens in Smegaroon stays in Smegaroon.

And please feel free to mention The Holy Bagel Community's charitable fund to Ms Isaac at any time.

Remain blessed,

SISTER TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
The Holy Bagel Community
www.freewebs.com/tushiem/

Date: August 3, 2010 5:43:26 AM PDT
Subject: To Miss Isaac

Dear Anna

So good to hear from you. Have you heard back yet from Bishop Marmite direct? I know that he spreads himself a little too thinly sometimes, but no doubt he has put aside some time to send good news for you. It is he who will contact the bank no doubt, as he has the authority.

We have gathered together a few small items here the meantime for your most pressing clothing and footwear needs, and have noted your sizes. How about hats? I imagine you will need something? Perhaps a balaclava or a deerstalker?

Rev T

Date: August 5, 2010 5:38:11 AM PDT
Subject: RE: i am still waiting to hear from you !

Dear Miss Isaac

I must admit that receiving your message has had an effect on me, so much so that I almost forgot the opening of the lesson of the day in chapel this morning. Barely had I started out with the tale of the good shepherd when I found myself gazing absent-mindedly into the font, leaving the congregation's polite coughing and throat clearing to recall my attention back to the good work in hand. I was assuming Bishop Marmite and yourself were rapidly putting this business to bed, as were. This is the message he sent to you a day or so back, and which he has now been good enough to copy me into:

Dear Ms Isaac

I have just returned from a charitable excursion and wanted to let you know personally that your Testimonial of Faith has proved acceptable. (etc.)

As you can see from above, he is waiting to hear back from you as a matter of urgency. Although he has not mentioned it, I am sure that your delay in response may be making him reconsider his generosity. And to be fair to His Reverence, there are competing claims from people like The Smegaroon Incontinence League as well as the Tesco Retired Jello Wrestlers Charity. So I would hasten to reassure him and see things are followed through, my child.

Are you sure that nothing had been received then or since? You may wish to check your spam folder, if you do not know how to do this then ask a friend or tribal elder.

God help you,

Rev T

Date: August 6, 2010 5:43:20 AM PDT
To: Bishop Marmite
Cc: annaisaac.01@gmx.com
Subject: To: Bishop Tossov Re: Miss Isaac

Your Grace,

I have just had a message from the indigent who has lately obtained your kind agreement towards charitable dispensation, as you can see below. It seems that your original mail confirming matters did not reach her, perhaps due to civil unrest or technical shortfall her end (I believe she types from a refugee camp with the Church of Rome's man supervising what she does!).

As I know you wish to proceed, and the details are below. May I ask either yourself or Cardinal Richlieu, being much more on the financial side of things, to contact her bank as she now asks?

I am copying this in for her so that the child may be blessed with your email and gracious goodness in all things, amen.

We are currently gathering together a relief parcel for her. I can assure you contents will be completely unobjectionable both from the spiritual and moral standpoint. We would not want another prophylactic scandal.

humbly yours in God's sight,

Reverend Tossov

Date: August 8, 2010 4:53:45 AM PDT
Subject: To Anna Isaac

My dear child in Christ

I have just returned from this morning's service to see your message on my vestry laptop and am dashing off this quick note.

Have you written to, or heard from, Bishop Marmite? I know this affair has his full blessing. All of us at Mbalonga want to see you get exactly what you deserve, and I know that many other do too when they hear of this.

I cannot write much more at present, there is a queue of unfortunates still waiting the sunday blessing and the weekly laying-on of hands, so duty calls. Last week we had a dozen cases of athelete's foot, a groin strain and a mild case of leprosy in the same batch. Quite a challenge!

Let me know how you get on.

Rev T

PS we hope to send off your relief consignment tomorrow. Please confirm address.

Date: August 9, 2010 5:58:59 AM PDT
To: Bishop Marmite
Cc: annaisaac.01@gmx.com

Your Gracious Reverence

I am forwarding on to you this plea from the indigent claimant Anna Isaac. If your reverence recalls, it is she who has recently completed the necessary documentation in regards to our help in a pressing financial matter. I know that as much as I, you wish her to get what is coming to her and in short order. Her qualities are self evident; she needs a good sorting out.

Miss Isaac has said that none of your messages are reaching her and asks that matters be investigated and expedited as soon as your time will allow.

I ask that you look into this, or perhaps ask that Cardinal Richlieu makes the necessary steps to do Miss Isaac over properly.

All of us here at Mbablonga church pray that matters are dealt with urgently

Worshipfully yours,

Rev T

PS Will you be attending the Festival of Sappho dinner-dance on Sunday?

Date: Tue, 10 Aug 2010 14:37:08 +0200
Subject: To Miss Isaac
From: Bishop Marmite
To: annaisaac.01@gmx.com
CC: Reverend Lonslo Tossov

Good morning my child

I am so glad to hear from you at last.

Reverend Tossov tells me that you have yet to receive what you deserve, is this correct? I thought all was in hand. My financial officer Cardinal Richlieu has the authorised paperwork.

Please send your bank details to me and I will see they are passed right along.

I am just off to give mass at Smegaroon Cathedral but will look out for your reply upon my return.

Best regards to yourself and your tribespeople.

Bishop Marmite
Right Reverend Bishop Yeste Marmite,
Broadmoor Church
Mbalongawank 24
Natal
086 419 3265 Ex 69

Date: August 11, 2010 5:36:56 AM PDT

Dear Miss Isaac

Bishop Marmite replied to you yesterday and copied me in. His message is as below. Did you not get it?

As you can see, he is keen to ensure that you get well and truly done over.

Kind regards

Rev T

From:Bishop Marmite
Good morning my child
I am so glad to hear from you at last.
Reverend Tossov tells me that you have yet to receive what you deserve, is this correct?
etc.

Date: August 11, 2010 6:00:58 AM PDT

Dear Anna

Your message caught me just as I was on my way out to bless the new St Tesco cattle dip.

I shall try and call the Bishop when I return. I know that he may be out today on the Lords work, but I will do my best.

God help you my child

Rev T

Date: Thu, 12 Aug 2010 14:37:23 +0200
Subject: Re Isaac Payment
From: Bishop Marmite
To: Cardinal_Richelieu
CC: annaisaac.01@gmx.com; Reverend Lonslo Tossov

Your Eminence

Please find below the bank details for the Isaacs girl.

She has signed and affirmed the Testimonial of Faith.

I have authorised payment for her immediate spriritual and material needs as she seems stuck in some dreadful native camp with few means of self support.

Reverend Tossov (Mbalonga Parish) is organising a food drop.

Please can you use the bank details given below to instigate relief payment.

Marmite

Right Reverend Bishop Yeste Marmite

To: Cardinal Richelieu
CC: annaisaac.01@gmx.com
Subject: Re: Anna Isaac
Date: Tue, 17 Aug 2010 20:00:22 +0000

Your Eminence.

I am writing with due deference to ask about the progress with the native indigent claim for Anna Isaac. I have had a copy sent to me from your banker, d'Artagnan & Co, with regards to the payment but nothing since. I know that Bishop Marmite was keen to spread good will as soon as possible in this very deserving instance.

As you can see from her recent message, the delay is keenly felt.

I remain your humble servant in Christ,

The Reverend Lonslo Tossov
Mbalonga Baptist Church
1 Yanker Ave,
Mbalongawank
123 Via Costeira - Natal
Phone/Fax: +55 (84) 202.1300

CC: annaisaac.01@gmx.com
Subject: RE: Anna Isaac
Date: Wed, 18 Aug 2010 12:15:16 +0000

Rev Tossov,

I have asked to d'Artagnan to get in contact with the indigent direct to bring on the arrangments. Mr Porthos is the usual contact there. I believe she has sent the banking details?

I for one, for all the troubles she has suffered, wish her all all the best. I am sure this helping hand will give her what she deserves. That this child has signed the spiritual testimony has brought a small tear to my eye. Truly she is blessed.

I am sorry my office was slow in responding. There has been a problem in the Milady branch.

RICHELIEU