Sheila Bundee, an Australian koala farmer shares a lengthy encounter with "Ehi", a Nigerian Lad. Sheila is a wealthy woman of 47, lonely and single but "always sharp as an echidna". In her pics, Sheila bears an amazing resemblance to Terri Irwin.
I PRESENT TO YOU A CHAT THAT
LASTED ALMOST 6 HRS WITH A LAD NAMED EHI THIS PAST WEEKEND. PRECEDED BY MANY
EMAILS--AT LEAST 20 PRIOR FROM HIM--
UNTIL WE GOT AROUND TO CHATTING...WHAT YOU SEE HERE IS A CHAT OF ALMOST 6
HOURS..IT ENDS ABRUPTLY WITH NO RESOLUTION, BUT HEY--A FISH ON THE HOOK IS A
BITE.---ENJOY!
Warning, much jesting & mockery at the expense of Australia and Nigeria, and men, and scammers, and pretty much whatever Sheila feels like.
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ehi : is Available ehi : <ding>Me: hello ehi ehi : hI ehi : Hi Me: yes ehi : U are not responding to me since few days now, so why my love? ? Me: what is your hurry and worry? i am here now i am an adult woman- - i do not always have to give answers when a man asks me ehi : ok, don't be offended,plz sorry love Me: ok- - and let us remember, you are way much younger tham ne, so do not act like you are above me, ok? younger than me ehi : ok,thanks for the advice Me: good so tell me what it is that you want from me your e- cards and poems were nice, but anyone could send that stuff ehi : since i know u and have ur pics, i am in love with u Me: oh? in love with me? we have never met in person.. ehi : don't forget so soon that i have ur pic Me: and? ? ? ? ? ehi : will never disappont u ok i reall care so much about u Me: i have your pic too- - and to be honest, it does not really impress me..You sound good, but your picture looks like a Bronx Puerto Rican. ehi : my pic is like what? ? Me: like a puerto rican from the bronx- - in any case, you have a beard and I like men who are shaved ehi : i am for reall, so if u don't want me, i think i gato go away from u. Me: are you running away? you just told me you loved me... ehi : yes i do, but i think u don't love? do u love me ? ? Me: i am a 47 year old woman- - love takes time for me. ehi : ok Me: i live alone and of course I have to be very careful about men..some are like snakes. ehi : i know my love, it is both men and women Me: want to see a pic of me with a big snake? ehi : no, i don't like snake they scared me Me: hold on- - i will send another pic of me to you ehi : ok Me: hold on ehi : kk love Me: ok- - sent it ehi : ok,hold on want to check it Me: yes, do that please dear ehi : ok baby Me: yupperoo ehi : what i want from u is love and care Me: but you do not like snakes and I do ehi : i am very ready to take u to the top and will never hot u, i really want to be with u seriously u can make me like it Me: to the top of where? ehi : top of the world with love every where around u Me: you are in africa, which for the most part is the bottom of the world..HOW are you going to rise above it all? tell me please ehi : i will come to u if u are ready to acept me in to ur arms and welcome me home Me: so you have a passport and visa to come here and be in my arms? ehi : i will have to affort one Me: ok- - so just a dreamy of yours right now ehi : what Me: talk all you want, but if you can not get here, it is just a dream ehi : is the snake real alive or dead Me: that is TWISTY, very REAL ALIVE python he is about age 25- - older than you ehi : it is not a dream, i will be with u my lovely princess Me: tell me how, dear ehi : ok i think i will like the snake Me: he sleeps in bed with me some times since I have no other man here ehi : I will be very ready to be with u my love, so we can sleep together Me: you snd me and Twisty? you and me and my pet Twisty? ehi : bath together, win and den also Me: what does >>win and den<< mean? ? ehi : drink and eat together Me: oh- - you mean WINE AND DINE, yes? your english is atrocious ehi : yea ok Me: and what will you do for money here in Australia? to wine and dine me? tell me please ehi is Available Me: crikey, you ran off like a wombat on a hot flat rock- - now please tell me what you intend to do for money hereehi : don't understand Me: oy vey- - easy to understand- - you want to come here to be with me in Australia- - I ASK YOU- - so WHAT are you going to do to make money here? simple question from me are you there or not? ehi : ok i am a contractor but need money to sect up a company i am working harder all time to make sure, i survive Me: i am in the outback here in Australia- - there are no contracting jobs here that I know of i own my koala ranch which made me wealthy, but never needed a contractor for my business i did it all by myself ehi : ok u can teach me another work and i can learn it and start with it my beloved Me: what do you know about koalas? ehi : nothing Me: well THAT is not good ehi : u will be the one that will teach me that Me: I do not usually spend my time teaching people ehi : ok when i arrived i will learn my self okay Me: ok- - so when will that be? tell me dear ehi : if i have some money now, i will start the arrangement as soon as possible Me: are you looking to get a passport or a visa or both? ehi : visa Me: oh ok- - so you have a passport..that is good. When do you plan on applying for the visa? ehi : if you can assist me with some money i think i can start immediately Me: where is the nearest Australian Embassy to you? what city and country? ehi : I am in Nigeria,city is lagos Me: let me check on that, hold on ehi : ok baby Me: here is what I found- - the Australian Embassy is in Abuja and these are the things you need to know +234 (0) 803 307 3519 Fax: +234 9 461 2782 Address: 5th Floor, Oakland Centre, 48 Aguiyi Ironsi St, Maitama, Abuja ehi : ok, thank u so much, i taught it was in lagos Me: nope, in Abuja..is that near you? ehi : so i think i will start the arrangement as soon as i have money i will have to transport to Abuja Me: FIRST you contact them, and let me know what they say...THEN we talk about the money for the visa. ehi : ok, thank you so much my beloved Me: yes dear - - so when are you going to contact them? ehi : soon maybe today Me: well that is a good thing bloke, and be sure to do it today- - we Aussies love our weekends..If you do not contact my people at the Australian Embassy TODAY, then you must wait until Monday. sure as a goanna on a lily pad in a Perth swamp are you there/ i saw you tried to type... i can not wait forever dear ehi : ok my dearest, u are so sweet to me i will contact them today Me: I am as God made me ehi : i will do it now as soon as i am out of here Me: well that is certainly encouraginging, blimey! and I certainly wish to know what happens because it is a very important thing for the both of us ehi : ok my love i will Me: very good darling so let me know how it all goes ehi : u too sweet heart than you very much Me: hey- - sinatra donates hospital wings, we all do what we can to help ehi : yea,u are right Me: yup i am always right unless I am slightly wrong ehi : what is the idea of time there now? ? Me: the time here right now? it is almost 9- 20PM at night here in Australia ehi : Oh, Me: what time is it there in Nigeria? ehi : 12:20PM AFTERNOON Me: actually, I think it is time that you Nigerians did better airplane maintenance..May be if you did, all those people dead this past weekend would still be alive QANTAS NEVER CRASHED, NEVER CRASHED.. ehi : Oh you heard it, they are planing to make it better now Me: it was world news- - everybody knows about it ehi : ok Me: and also the crash in Ghana the day before ehi : ok so u are online all times Me: i read newspapers, i watch the news on the telly, I am ALWAYS in touch with what is going on ehi : ok, that makes u a great woman i like you u Me: no, not great, just informed ehi : ok thanks Me: knowledge IS power ehi : lovely,it is true, knowledge is power Me: yes ehi : u are very intelligent Me: smarter than the average dingo! ehi : lovely sweet words Me: you bet! wait- - I digress- - do you bet? do you gamble? ehi : No, i don't gamble i am not a gambler, i have never done it before u there? Me: oh- - sorry to hear that..Gambling puts the spice in the pickle of life..Last week I won over $35thouAU at the Happy Savage Casino ehi : Oh lovely Me: I played roulette, and I always bet on BLACK. ehi : I think when i got there, u will teach me okay Me: teach you what? ? what? ehi : how toplay the game and wine money Me: wine money? you need money for a drink? we have many fine wines here in Australia- - my favourite is Melbo Nite Red and Sydney Chunder- grape is good too they go good with a numbat steak ehi : ok my love Me: i am here dear ehi : thank u so much ok Me: what are you thanking me for? crikey, I feel like a celebrity in your eyes- - crocodile Sheila! ehi : u make me understand very well, so i need to thank u Me: well bless your heart on that dear you make me feel as warm as a wallaby in a Queensland forest ehi : ok dear Me: yes? are you there sweetheart? ehi : yea, am here Me: i can not loiter around like a Darwin aborigine ok, good to see you are still with me ehi : yea, will alway be with u till the end of the world Me: well that will be this 21st December, if the Aztecs are right ehi : ok when do u want me to be with u baby Me: before the world ends!! ehi : i think i can make it this month Me: well- - that is quite dubious... ehi : will u want to reveive me this month? ? , if i can make it Me: well hold on there cowboy- you are making plans for us to be together this month- - - only 22 days left in the momth- - and yet you have not even applied for a travel visa. ehi : i will soon be out here now and contact them now Me: well that is a good thing so let me know how it goes ehi : ok Me: i would consider it a dinky- di good thing if you tell me the name of ANY official from the Australian Embassy that you make contact with. ehi : ok Me: who knows, they might be related to me- - I have several kinfolk in the foreign Embassy Services ehi : i will contact them and give the name as instructed Me: My cousin Cletus, my uncle Billy Bob Bundee, my 2nd- cousin on my mothers' side Gilligan Bundee- - all are related to me and all have jobs in the Australian Embassy Dept. ehi : i will Me: do you want our help or not? ehi : Yes, i want our help very much Me: well we are happy to always help a bloke in need ehi : ok, i appreciate Me: but of course, it is just the Indian Ocean that separates us but I do feel closer to you now ehi : U are right my love i also feel the same Me: thank you, I am always right except those rare times when I am wrong may I ask you a personal question? HELLO!!! ehi : Yea ask Me: ok- - can you tell me how many women that you have had sex with? this is very important for me to know. I ask it most sincerely. ehi : just two,and waht about u? ? Me: i can tell you honestly that I have never had sex with a woman. i thought about it, but i'm not a lesbo.. ehi : u mean that u never had sex with a man before? ? Me: you asked me if i had sex with a woman ehi : no, sorry i mean a man,slit mistake Me: my past sex life is as smooth as a surfboard in Noosa ehi : how many men baby? ? Me: well that is in the bushy country, the outback fior discussion- - but more humping than a wallaby in heat in my younger years i have been around the boulevard ehi : ok Me: things got sweaty and hot in Darwin back in those days you are just a young pup, this was before you were born ehi : Oh Me: you weren't in the pouch back then ehi : i don't think so Me: you are what- - 32, you say? yes, you are a young pup ehi : yea Me: yup- - young roo I was doing a whole lotta shit- - drinking, partying, having fun- - when you were a mere child sucking on the teat of your mum. ehi : yea u are very correct Me: absolutely dear younger men can not impress older women like me ehi : it is true Me: when it comes to experience in life, that is ehi : yea, i know too well, u have experience Me: you bet your sweet bum on that! ehi : how do i do that? ? Me: how do you do WHAT? just don't drop the soap if you ever wind up in gaol ehi : ok Me: words of advice- - me to you ehi : Thank u very much Me: like the emu that flies high over the mountains, one never knows what is over the next ridge ehi : yea, correct Me: correcta- mundo- - - absolutelyl like a daintree croc ehi : yup baby Me: you are such a sweet baboo ehi : Tanks alot Me: but of course my sweet hoon ehi : lovely Me: fair dinkum! ehi : ok Me: so having seen your pic, are you willing to shave your beard for me? ehi : yes i will Me: i aolways love a man with a chin as smooth as the arse on Kylie bloody Minogue ok honey- - can you do that for me? and show it to me? ehi : yea ok can u do me a faviour? ? Me: well i can listen to your favour and comment on it, but NO promise until I hear what you want ehi : can u help me to contact the embassy? ? ? Me: well that is not beyond my help- - - but first you have to contact them, and let me know who you contacted ehi : ok Me: as I said, I have several contacts in the Australian Embassy..None in Nigeria that I know of, but it's all government- connected so I might be able to be of assistance on this ehi : ok yea.that is true Me: so what I need YOU to do is to contact them and let me know who the person is that you contacted and what they had to say to you ehi : ok Me: simple request by me to you ehi : yea baby Me: should not be a problem ehi : not at all Me: we Aussies are always willing to help ehi : ok Me: to a degree of normalcy, of course ehi : good speech of your, really very intelligent Me: well I was educated at the City Uni Northern Territory and the Brisbane Institute Tech College Officialdom. ehi : it makes u good Me: actually it got changed in the late 70s, it is now the Brisbane Institute Tech College- Hierarchy ehi : ok Me: you would love Brisbane- - it makes Canberra look like a party of a dozen people or more broke out ehi : ok Me: like a fat tick on a lazy dog sorry, I use a few Australian expressions that you might not be familiar with, you over there in your Africa ehi : ok,no problem Me: that is us aussies, we always apologise for things that are not our fault to begin with but we always mean well, of course- - we are the most sincere people on the planet ehi : i agree with u Really Me: thank you , you are such a love! ehi : u too Me: so sweet of you to say! bless your sweet arse! ehi : ok Me: my heart fills with joy like a happy wombat in a field of radishes ehi : so also my Me: it tickles my barramundi to hear that sorry, a barramundi is a female private part we aussie girls have- - i did not expect you to know that ehi : No problem as far u are happy, i am too Me: such a sweet man you are ehi : u too, such a sweet honey darling u are Me: i go out of my koala ranch here in Dingo Flats and go into town and I look at all the local blokes and not half of them seem as sweet as you in the local pub, after a few brewskis ehi : lovely Me: yup- - so what is your favourite brand of suds? ehi : in deed u are a lovely baby i was looking for, now i have gotten u in to my arms Me: after we have some beer- - what kind do you like? I go in for Shysterbrau, Darwin Gulp, and Tappakegga. beer- - the golden nectar ehi : i don't understand u put it in english Me: do you like beer- - that is what I am asking Australia is BEER country ehi : yea Me: well that is good to hear, because any man here in Australia who does not like beer is either dead or gay and I know that you are obviously alive and I hope not a poofter ehi : u make me very comfortable than i am before Me: well we women were born to make the man at ease with all the problems that men have, they always need us ehi : u are right is true baby Me: we women are ALWAYS correct, even when we are wrong ehi : u know every thing already women don't need to be hurt in any way Me: not everything- - I am still wondering how long Angelina and Brad will last.. ehi : who are those ? ? Me: it is beyond you, like a goanna going from alice to broome..Aussie thoughts, don't bother to ask..Over your head like a potaroo ehi : don't understand Me: just like we have many expressions here in Australia, I am sure you have your own vernacular there in Nigeria too. It is just a cultural thing, not to worry over it. ehi- - can you tell me your level of education so far? ehi : I only go throuhy high school,but not in university Me: I see.. water always seeks its own level. ehi : surely it true Me: so at age 32 you have not aspired to improve yourself? ehi : No, don't want to i think i am ok i am better with my education Me: oh- - like a dead tree stump that does not get any better either too ehi : i am very sure, i am better any way, Me: well answer me this please- - when you come here to Australia, then WHAT do you plan on doing for money? ehi : any thing that suit me ok so far i am good right, i can do any thing that is do able Me: so you think you can just snap your fingers and be in money just like that here? ehi : don't worry, i am intelligent Me: what kind of work are you planning on here? ehi : i will fetch some good and start up with and i know i have to start from some where Me: and I am not worried about it- - it is for YOU to worry about ehi : i know Me: well you obviously have dreams- - but dreams will not get you a job here ehi : i know Me: what is your special field of work? ehi : like i told u before Me: tell me again dear that was so long ago ehi : i am a contractor and archeitect Me: contractor and architect? and you did not even go to college? ehi : I said i round up with my college Me: no, you said you did not graduate college. in fact you said you did not even go there ehi : but was in the university, and do not graduate Me: well here in australia- - an architect MUST be a university graduate ehi : i will try to complete it when i got there just few Me: that is true in the UK AND USA AND CANADA too ehi : years like 3 to 4 Me: ok- - but education is not free..I ask again- - how will you make the money? you can NOT be an architect until you graduate from college here- - - so HOW will you pay the education fees for that? ehi : i will try to make money which ever way i see my mate making money with Me: who is this mate you speak of? ehi : before i can continue with my education Me: who? ehi : there is always mates in the wild world Me: oh baby baby it's a wild world- - and it hard to get by just with a smile ehi : any where we found our self, we can make friend and then we can have mate , like school mate, working mate Me: yeah all nice and good- - but first you have to get here ehi : ok my love Me: so it is all just dreams by you right now ehi : i know,but soon it will be in reality,not a dream any longer Me: well that is good to hear...because Nigeria seems like a real hell- hole to me, from what I see and read ehi : u are right, but there is money,only our leaders eat the money Me: very corrupt country ehi : that we sell from oil and crude oil Me: never in my life have I ever met anyone who was dreaming of moving to Nigeria ehi : it is true Me: nobody wants to move to your country everyone in Nigeria wants to go to the USA, THE UK, CANADA, OR HERE IN AUSTRALIA..All good wealthy countries. And we all speak English too.. ehi : yea u very correct Me: I have many friends and relatives in the USA. My mother was born there. ehi : Oh Me: yes, in Brooklyn New York City. she is dead now. ehi : Oh, very sorry to hear that Me: thank you - - but she died at age 83 - - ten years ago. She had a good life. ehi : Oh long time ago Me: my father now dead almost 30 years. ehi : Oh very long so how old were u then? ? Me: oh very young what will you leave us this time? you're only dancing on this world for a short time how old was i when? i was 18 when my father died, and 37 when my mum died go ahead and type ehi : ok i will Me: then do it instead of saying it ehi : i was still very young then Me: you are still very young NOW! ehi : yea,u are right Me: I am ALWAYS right except those rare instances when I am slightly wrong ehi : that's true darling Me: I have a sister who lives in America. ehi : really Me: yes, her name is MaryAnn and she is married to a wonderful man named Gilligan. They live in Hawaii. 3 children- - Mona, Larry, and Carly so I am an auntie ehi : do u know what? ? Me: what? tell me please ehi : i really love u because now i know u are so good,loyal truthful and well trusted i will forever care for you Me: you are such a sweet dearman for saying that if there were medals for sweetness, you would get the purple chocolate heart ehi : u are sweet baby Me: well i like to think so dear ehi : ok can i get ur contact number? ? Me: well I am quite iffy about that ehi : feel about what? Me: well my last boyfriend- - Nedrick Kelly- - a real larrikin- - was mad at me and called me up 24/7 after we broke up..So I vowed to my self to be careful about giving my # to men after that. so let us just keep things as they are for now, ok dear? ehi : very dearly ,u speaks very well, i an intelligent darling, not what u are thinking i am okat, so call me with +2348074544056 Me: dear- - ALL men say the same thing- - that they are not like the last one. I am a woman- - you have no idea what it is to be a woman. ehi : very correct, but some may be what they say they are and some not what they say they are okay Me: well I can not play pick- and- choose, I have to go with my womanly gut instinct. ehi : yea, i know Me: i have to have a basic dis- trust of all men until I find the right one once again ehi : kisses from me to my darling Me: see- - I am quite confused about you- - - you originally propose business to me, then you are now talking romance..So this has my mind in a tizzy. a few days ago you DID talk only about business to me- - and NOW it is all romance..I don't generally mix the 2, they are like oil and water. ehi : I just want you to be very happy,not much more than sweet word that will make my lovely princess so happy Me: well I don't think of myself as a princess- - I do not want to be put on any pedestal to be adored, like a monkey in a cage..I just want to be happy on my own terms. and let me say- - I am not unhappy. ehi : ok so are u willing to call me ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Me: not right now, that will take time and trust we have only been chatting about 3 nights now. Rome was not built in a day, and neither was Hoboken are you there or not? ehi : here Me: ok so you are going to the embassy? ehi : yea, Me: when? ? ? ehi : i have to go now so i want you to call me soon okay Me: when are you going to the embassy? ? ? ? ehi : here is the mobile number again, i want you to free you mind and trust me, i will remain loyal and truthful+2348074 544056 Me: answer my question please ehi : soonest now if i am true with u now Me: well it is friday afternoon in nigeria- - you will not be going there, they will be closed in an hour or so ehi : ok sure so when do u want me to go? Me: so you can not go there until monday at the earliest ehi : can i call them? ? Me: i am sure that you can ehi : ok, was it the right number u gave me? ? Me: yes, that was the correct number for the embassy people ehi : +234 (0) 803 307 3519 is it? ? Me: let me check again- - hold on ehi : ok im will contact them now and get back to u soonest , is it ok by you with that? ? want to call them now Me: yes that is the correct number, but of course you do not need the 234 ehi : i know just want to specify i know the right thing to do ok Me: yes, that is the correct number ehi : i am not a doll be right back now Me: what do you mean- - I AM NOT A DOLL? ehi : i mean that i am not an ilitrate,i am litrate thanks Me: I never said you were ehi : be back soon,just tomake a call Me: ok waiting......... . well it is after 1AM here now, I am getting ready for bed if you do not reply back ok bye for now, chat with you later- - be sure to contact that embassy ehi : Hello Me: YES? ehi : yea,but the mobile contact is off Me: well I certainly do not know how things go over there- - but I know the number was/is correct ehi : how can i contact the now since the phone is off Me: well I am sure they all left the office to get an early start on the weekend drinking we australians like to start our beers early on fridays and every other day, for that matter ehi is typing... --AND IT ENDED THERE, MAYBE HIS INTERNET CAFE TIME RAN OUT..---THIS CHAT WAS ALMOST 6 HOURS..I CAN ONLY HOPE IT COST HIM A SHITLOAD OF NAIRAS. THE MORE THE BETTER... HOPEFULLY ANY NEWBIE BAITERS WILL GAIN INSIGHT INTO WASTING TIME WITH THE LADS. |