Lewis D. "Lewd" Noogie is back! Lewd's many adventures include:
Our Doubts are Traitors
If You Value Your Life Send The Money and
Don't False Me to Do Stupid Thing to You.
Here, Lewd is approached by the director of the FBI and the UN Secretary General, and sets them against one another. Once again, his adversaries end up well and truly fulked. To get the full incoherent flavor of this adventure, assemble a cast and read it out loud. Warning: terrible grammar, some of the weirdest ever encountered in these pages.
Monretyies Paul - Argent Robinson's Boss (I think)
Robinson Argent - Diplomatic Agent (also called Wes Tu for some reason)
Tundey Agulu - Genaral Man ager of Customs
Robert Mueller III - Director, FBI
Ban Ki-Moon - UN Secretary General
vs.
Lewis D. 'Lewd' Noogie - International Hotel Consultant
Threats, lies, deceit, and the the world's dumbest diplomatic courier.
|
Mr.Monretyies A Paul
From: Mr.Monretyies A Paul. <MonretyiesAPaul@bellsouth.net>
X-Originating-IP: [74.63.129.224] Subject: The diplomatic has arrived in your country To: Lewis D. Noogie Date: Friday, January 22, 2010, 11:00 AM ATTN; Beneficiary of this consignment CODE: CAF/XX/05 Please Your Urgent Attention Is Needed. We wish to inform you that the diplomatic agent conveying the consignment box valued the sum of $4.38000 Million United States Dollars misplaced your address and he is urrently stranded at your International airport now. We required you reconfirm the following information's (below so that he can deliver your consignment box to you today. full name__________ MOBILE NO____________ ADDRESS:_________________ MOBILE NO____________ NAME OF YOUR NEARESTAIRPORT__________ occupation_____________________________ A COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION_____________ occupation_____________________________ Please do contact the diplomatic agent with the email below with the information's required. Contact Person: Mr.wes tu EMAIL;(robinson.argent@diplomats.com) He is waiting to hear from you today with the information's . NOTE: that The Diplomatic agent does not know that the content of the consignment box is $4.38000 Millions United States Dollars and on no Circumstances should you let him know the content. The consignment was moved from here as family treasures, So never allow him to open the box. This is for security reason.
Regards [For the scam-o-puzzled: this is the "I'm at your local airport with some money for you but there will be expensive paperwork" letter. Scam-o-hints are highlighted.]
Lewd Noogie
[Lewd dutifully contacts the "diplomatic agent".]
Mr. Robinson,
I was informed by Mr. Paul Monretyies that you have arrived in Russia with a box for me. I presume you are in Moscow? Please send me the name of your hotel so that we can finalize plans for delivering the box. Sincerely, Lewis D. Noogie Robinson Argent
From: robinson.argent@diplomats.com <robinson.argent@diplomats.com>
X-Originating-IP: [205.188.105.145] Subject: Re: The diplomatic has arrived in your country Date: Monday, January 25, 2010, 5:52 AM hello good day to you. am writing to you in notifying you that i will be livin within 8hours to come now to your door steps. but one more thing you have not fllowed my the writing prompt you need to send us the required informaions from you so i can know the home addres where the box will be delivered waiting for the information. thank you and remain in gods blessing regard Robinson Argent the diplomat with your box
[Note that the 'diplomatic agent' specify what country he thinks he's in. It's immaterial anyway, as the money is non-existent.]
Lewd Noogie
Mr. Robinson,
The information you requested is below: Name: Lewis D. Noogie Address: c/o Hotel Ne Zalupaisya, 17, Leninski Prospect, Gadyukina, Irkutskay Oblast 697000. Telephone: (495) 964-xxxx (this is the front desk of the hotel). Nearest Airport: Irkutsk International I look forward to hearing from you again. Lewis D. Noogie Robinson Argent
hello good day to you.
i receive your mail like in told you that i will be living to your giving addres but now now now i was stoped by the customs they are asking me for the owner ship certificat of this box which was nit with me so please am here now with your box with the customs meanwhile waiting for your action over this regarding the certificat of owner ship of your box please come with the certificat of owner ship now at the airport but please if you dont have the needed certificat please dont come to the airport because you will be arrested by the customs. looking forward in hering from you.... but still note that they are asking me to give them your full home addres but i refuse to to so because if i try to release you home addres for them immediately you will be arristed regard ROBINSON ARGENT THE DIPLOMANT WITH YOUR BOX Lewd Noogie
Mr. Robinson,
I've never heard of anything like a certificate of ownership being required for a box brought into the country, but those guys in Russian customs can come up with all kinds of zany ideas. See if you can get me an email address for the customs people there and I will write to them to clear this up. Thanks. Lewis D. Noogie Robinson Argent
hello
good day to you. am writing to you but you dont want to respond to my maill sending to you always bellow the customs email required by you. E-mail Addres(delivery write to them now because i can tell you this i will not ab able to weast any more time here meanwhile if this still going on in this way that it is now then am asuring you that i will not stand for any issue again regarding this your box meanwhile i will immediately release the full information of your home to them as they are always requiring from me in geting you arrested so bea it on your mind because it will soon happen for i can see that you dont know what is going on here by your inresponding of my maill always sending to you and also i can see that you dont know how problem i am into here with the customs so if you keep lesconsign then i will releas every thing the customs for any of they action against you. thank you and god bless you regard. Robinson THE Diplomant with your box Robinson Argent
customs email addres
(deliveryman16@deliveryman.com) write to them immidiately. thank you Lewd Noogie
Mr. Robinson,
I am puzzled over why the customs officials would want to arrest me in that I have done nothing wrong or unlawful. I'm sure that once I write to them this whole matter will be straightened out. I'll send them an email tonight and I'm sure they will release you and the package. I have made arrangements for your accomodations here at the hotel in Gadyukina and I hope you'll be able to stay over a few days to experience real Russian hospitality. I'll let you know as soon as I hear back from the customs officials. Sincerely, Lewis D. Noogie Lewd Noogie
To: Chief Customs Official
Re: Delivery of Package Covered by Diplomatic Immunity Dear Sir or Madam: It is my understanding that you have detained one Argant Robinson who is delivering a package to me under protection of diplomatic immunity. I don't understand the reasons for his being detained and I would like to request that he be released immediately so that he can continue on in his duty to deliver the package. Please let me know if this causes any difficulties on your part. Sincerely, Lewis D. Noogie Robinson Argent
hello good day to you.
i have not heard from you again as you have told me that you will write me email when ever you heard from the customs officails. the told me that today and tomorrow is tha man date whchi they have giving to us to complete the payment so what is happining can you please get back to me and tell me what is happining. have you make the payment. thank you regarding ROBINSON ARGENT THE DIPLOMANT WITH YOUR BOX Lewd Noogie
Mr. Robinson,
I have been waiting to hear from you or the Customs people; I have heard nothing from them. I'm sorry you've been delayed so long there in Moscow. Perhaps the best thing for me to do would be to come there early next week so we can finally get this straightened out. Let me know as soon as possible so I can make travel arrangements. Sincerely, Lewis D. Noogie Robinson Argent
hello good day to you.
i saw your mail sent to me. please befoer coming to the airport make sure you are with the needed certificat of owner ship neede by the customs OK. am telling you this because if you come there with out the needed certifiact i can tell you you will fined your self difulcut in coming out from the customs because it was also handled over to fbi so this matter is not what you think by now i can tell you that. but please am waiting to see you there tomorrow because i hope you have the needed certificat. thank you and god bless you. regard. Mr Argent Robinson the diplomant with your box Lewd Noogie
Mr, Robinson,
What do you mean it was handed over to the FBI?? What is going on there?? I don't mean to be disrespectful but do you know what you're doing? How can you turn a simple delivery into an international criminal investigation?? Weeping Jesus on the cross, how can this happen?? I'm not sure what to do next. How do I get this ownership certificate? What the hell IS an ownership certificate? Please send me the email contact for your supervisor, please. I need to try and get this mess straightened out. Lewis Lewd Noogie
Attn: Mr. Paul Monretyies
Mr.Monretyies, I don't know if you are the individual I should be corresponding with over this matter but I am looking for the supervisor of Mr. Argent Robinson, a diplomat conveying a box me. Mr. Robinson has turned a simple delivery errand into a complete circus. First he gets sideways with Russian Customs and now the freakin' FBI has been called in! Can you believe this?? Is this the first time Mr. Robinson has ever done this kind of thing? Don't you screen your people before you send them out on this kind of mission? Please excuse my ranting but this is exasperating. The last thing I need is for the FBI to be involved in this. They have been wanting to talk to me for some time over a misunderstanding of events that occurred in an Amsterdam red light district hotel and it's a conversation I don't particularly want to have with them. Please see if there's anything you can do from your end to fix this and let me know. Sincerely, Lewis D. Noogie Robinson Argent
hello good day to you. i saw you mail sent to me but i think you have the certifaicat of owner ship when you told me that you are coming to meet me at the airport tell me what do you think we can do about this we have waited for you to come but but you did not now the customs now handled this matter over to the fbi regarding the certificat od owner ship of your consignment box. please note that this matter is now going high the fbi are always now diturbing me but they have giving me more fill day like this new week to complete the certificats issue meanwxhile yon have to do some thing fastter. they asked me this question if throughly this box belog to you where is the certificat of owner ship showing that you own this box now tell me what do thinjk about this what. please try on your own to know what to do about this stuation and i knwo what i can tell them to not move fulther because if it miove as the fbi wish to it i tell you you will fined your self difulcut before coming out from they hand. they are asking me for your full home addres but i dont want to release it to them because they will get you arrested within one night so please get back to meand let me know what is about to be the next option of this matter OK. WAITING FOR YOUR REPLY.THANK YOU ANDS GOD BLESS YOU. ROBINSON THE DIPLOMANT WITH YOUR BOX IN THE OAIRPORT Lewd Noogie
Mr. Robinson,
Ok, I have an idea. How big is the box? What are the dimensions and weight? There are people here who can dummy up any kind of document and maybe I can have them throw something together that I can send you. Give me an idea on what I should tell them is in the box but don't let them look inside it. It's very important that they do not look inside the box. I'm still very worried about this whole FBI thing. How in the hell did they get involved?? Did you piss somebody off in Russian Customs? Listen, you have to talk to those people nice! Do what they tell you to do (except look in the box). LewisLewd Noogie
To: Chief Customs Official, Moscow
Re: Delivery of Package Covered by Diplomatic Immunity Dear Sir or Madam: This is my second email to you in reference to a box currently held up in customs, I presume at Sheremetyeva Airport. According to the diplomat bringing it to me, there is some kind of dispute over something he refers to as a 'Certificate of Ownership'. He also informs me that you have called in the FBI to assist you in this matter. As I'm sure by now you recognize that you're not dealing with a particularly bright individual in the person of Mr. Robinson, I must point out that he is a diplomat and, as such, must be afforded assistance and safe passage to his final destination. I see no need for any kind of ownership certificate as the box merely contains some personal documents and the odd bit of foreign currency. No big deal, really. Please allow Mr. Robinson to proceed in his official capacity of box deliverer.Thank you. Lewis D. Noogie Lewd Noogie
Mr. Robinson,
This just to let you know that I have written once again to the customs officials. I have asked them to release you and the box, so just hang on for a little bit longer. LewisRobinson Argent
ATTENTION. THIS IS TO THE RESPONDING TO YOUR MAIL SENT TO OUR OFFICE ALL YOUR REQUIRED WILL SOON DONE TO YOU UNDERSTAND. but first of all before going to any fulther in this facetion you did not followed by the writing prompt you have to send the €59USD before going to any fulther with you in you consignment delivery.
[Apparently the euro has been subsumed into the dollar, somehow.]
send the money in this main informations WE AWAITED. kindly regard Robinson Argent Lewd Noogie
Mr. Robinson, I don't understand your email. I asked you to send me the weight and dimensions of the box and you aske me to send you $59.00. I understand that there may be charges associated with the delivery of this box and I don't mind paying them but what exactly is the $59.00 for? Mr. Robinson, I don't mean to sound terse but what the hell are you doing there? I don't understand why it should take so long to get a fulking box through customs. It's just some personal papers and my, uh, foreign currency collection. I have asked you before - what are the weight and dimensions of the box and I also want you to send me the email address of your supervisor. This delivery is taking far too long, you have foreign law enforcement agencies involved, and you seem to be pissing off everyone you come in contact with. I need some answers and I need them NOW! LewisRobinson Argent
hello good day to you. please you have to write to the customs now ask the more once again what woukld you do to get the needed certificat because the fbi so mush worried about they told me this morning within this tilme and the certificat iof owner ship is not provided. please when you are writing to them dont you let them to know what the box contains because if they know that your box wase filled with such amount of money they will get you arrested because this certificat is not yet provided. write to the customs and ask them what you are going be ti required in that owner ship of certificat needed from you. thank you am still waiting to hear from you.
thyank you and god bless you. Tundey Agulu
[Enter the bagman.]
deliveryman111@deliveryman.com Subject: MR TUNDEY AGULU THE GENARAL MAN AGER OF CUSTOMS
ATTENTION............. Lewd Noogie
Mr. Robinson, I am somewhat alarmed to find out that you know what is in the boxes. When I was first contacted by Mr. Paul Monretyies about these boxes, he informed me that you were ignorant of, among other things, what these boxes contain. I must ask you sir, have you or anyone else opened these boxes? If not, how do you know what is in them? As you seem completely unable to do your job of delivering these boxes, I will again contact the customs people and see if I can straighten out the complete mess you have made of this simple task. God save me from incompetent diplomats. Lewis NoogieLewd Noogie
Mr. Agulu, There has been a lot of confusion surrounding the delivery of a couple of boxes to my location here in Russia. Apparently most of the confusion is mine. I assumed from Mr. Robinson, the diplomat, and I use that term loosely, in charge of delivering the boxes, is in Sheremetyevo Airport in Moscow. I was informed this by a Mr. Paul Monretyies who I assume to be Mr. Robinson's supervisor. Pardon my saying so, but your name is very unusual for a Russian. Perhaps you hail from one of the former Soviet republics? Georgia, perhaps? Regardless, I have to ask a silly question - which airport do you work at? I am fully prepared to do whatever is necessary to complete the delivery of these boxes. I would also like to say that I see no need for the FBI's involvement in this and anything you can do to make them go away would be greatly appreciated. I await your instructions.
Sincerely, Robinson Argent
hello good day to you. i saw your mail sent to me. how would you say some thing like this how.
for the first time when the customs hold me they ask me what is inside of this box but i dont let them knowing whatthe box contains. then i went back to know what the box that am carrying to you home wht is being insde of it then the courier company where your box wase deposited. and the courier company told me that the box was filled with money but they told me that they dont want me let any other person kbnwoing what yiour box contains. the customs are about to opun the box which am trying all my best to make sure that the box wase not opun. so nobody opun the box and i will never let any body to opun it because if they opun the box i know what it will cust for us not you only but for we all.
get back to me and let know what is now happining in thiqs matter OK Robert Mueller II1
[And whaddya know, the FBI steps in!]
federalbureaudepartmentofjustice@yahoo.it attention wecare writing to you to notify you that the customs broght to us a complain. what is happing with the certificat.
we write to you fist for your information so that when ever we have our action over you it will not be unexopected something to you understanding.
contact the customs ask them what to do to finalise this because if the customs write to us again in still saying the same thing we will immeidtaley act over you WE AWAIT YOUR RESPONSE AND ALSO AWAIT YOUR COOPERATION IN ADVANCE.
Robert S. Mueller II1
If you are surprised to see a scammer posing as the head of the FBI, get a load of this: JUST THE FACTS, MA'AM
Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller, Before I address the issue at hand I'd just like to say that the incident in that Amsterdam red light district hotel a few years ago was not my fault and I'm sure it was way overblown by the time it was related to you. All of the broken crockery was eventually paid for and the wounds inflicted on me by the, uh, lady who called you have mostly healed. I hope we can consider this as water under the canal and let bygones be bygones. As to the situation that once again brings me to your esteemed attention, I would again like to proclaim my innocence of any wrongdoing. Mr. Robinson, a world-class diplomat, is conveyng a box containing a few personal items to me here in Russia. The items are virtually worthless and I see no need for customs to require any kind of ownership certificate. I must also confess that I don't even know what an ownership certificate is. I would be forever grateful if you could convince customs to let Mr. Robinson and the packages proceed without this certificate and I promise never again to set foot in any, uh, 'house of tolerance' in the Netherlands. I thank you. sir, and I look forward to your favorable response. Sincerely,Lewis D. Noogie Lewd Noogie
Mr. Agulu, I am in close correspondence with Mr. Robert Mueller II1 of the FBI and you should be receiving instructions from him shortly to let Mr. Robinson and my parcels pass without the ownership certificate. I would be very appreciative if you would allow Mr. Robinson to proceed to my location on my personal promise to you that Mr. Mueller's instructions are on their way to you as we speak. I thank you very much for your help and understanding.
Sincerely, Robinson Argent
hello idi not heard from you again what is happing. like i have told you what do you suggest before the fbi will have your full home iformations for they action against you. please let me kn,ow what is happining we have to finalise this within this time. Mr Robinson Argent the diplomant with your boxTundey Agulu
WE ARE ONLY TO MAKE ANY CRIMINAL IVERSGATION SO IF SO THROUGH THAT YOU OWN THE BOX SEND THEM THE CERTIFICAT IF YOU DONT HAVE ASK THE CUSTOMS WHAT YOU WILL BE REQUIRED FROM YOU FOR THE PROVIDING THE CERTIFICAT. THERE IS NO HOW YOU CAN GO THROUGH WITH THE BOX WITH OUR THIS CERTIFICAT SO WE ONLY DO WHAT IS OUR DUTIES. REMEMBER WE HAVE LET YOU KNOW ALL ABOUT OVER ISSUE WITH YOU MORE ONCE AGAIN WE WILL ACT OVER YOU.
MR TUNDEY AGULU THE GENARAL MAN AGER OF CUSTOMS Lewd Noogie
Mr. Robinson, Just stay cool and don't touch anything or talk to anybody. I'm working on the release of you and the boxes. I'll let you know when I have more information. LewdLewd Noogie
Mr. Agulu, I beg of you as the reasonable person that I'm sure you are - I need the worthless personal items in those boxes very badly. Can't you see your way to let the diplomat and the boxes pass without this certificate? As the GENARAL MAN AGER of customs, I know you can make this happen. If you would be so kind to do so, I would happily reciprocate the favor. You might want to come here and stay in the hotel for two weeks at no charge. I can even arrange for you to spend quality time with Olga, our beautiful East German massage therapist. I promise you the time of your life. Please, please let the diplomat pass with my boxes.
Thank you Sincerely, Tundey Agulu
ATTAENTION.
WE RECEIVED YOUR MAILSENTTOUS THIS RULLESARE NOT ORDERED BYME BUT FOR GOVERNMENT RULES. SO IF THROUGHLY YOU DONT HAVE THECERTIFICAT GET BACK US IMEDIATELYSO WECAN PROCCID AND KNOW WHAT YOUWILL E REQUIRED FOR THE CERITIFICAT WE HAVE CONTACTED THE FBI WE HAVE ALREADY EMAILED THM TELLING THEM TO GIVE YOU THIS WEEK TO PROVIDE THE CERTIFICAT SO THIS IS THE ONLY HELP I KNOW THAT I CAN RENDER TO YOU AS I CAN BECAUSE WE DONT TAKE UNTHROUGHLY SOME THINH IN OUR OFFICE IF THE GOVERNMENT FINED OUT THAT WE DO OR I MY SELF WE ALL WILL BE ARRESTED AND PUY IN JAIL BECAUSEWE ARE KEEPT TO THE ROAD TO VERY WHAT PEOPLE ARE CARRYING SUCH ASCONSIGNMENT GOOSD E T C
SO GET BACK TO US LTE US KNOWTHE CONCLUTION Lewd Noogie
Mr. Agulu, I thank you for your sound advice and offer to assist. By all means, please send me the ownership certificate and my offer for a two-week stay here at the hotel, with Olga's companionship as a bonus, is still open to you. At no cost to yourself, of course. Please also provide a copy of the required certificate to Mr. Robinson as soon as possible.
Thank you very much. Lewd Noogie
Mr. Robinson, I heard from Mr. Agulu, the chief of customs, and he tells me that he can provide the ownership certificate. Please look him up there at the airport, get the certificate, and then get on a plane for Irkutsk. Let me know when you arrive and I'll have someone meet you and bring you here to Gadyukina. We've wasted enough time on this delivery. Please do this simple thing and get there as soon as posssible. LewisTundey Agulu
ATTENTION. WE RECEIVE YOUR MAIL BUT WE DO NOT RESPOND BECAUSE WE ARE MAKING A PROCCESS OF THE CERTIFICAT WE HAVE CONTACTED THE speed trust courier company where your box was depossited and have have make the proccession that certificat will be done tomorrow but befeore the certificat will be released to the diplomat Mr Robinson Argent you will send us sum of $685 USD for signing the certificat by us customs order meaning your required to sen the money for sigining the certficat so that you box will have customs orger which can lead your box to you home addres. dont miss this informations send the money to
RECEIVER NAME.... MRS OBUNSON ANDRES GO AND SEND THE MONEY NOW TO OUR CASHIRE MRS OBUSU ANDREW. GET BACK TO US NOW IN LETING US KNOWING THE NEXT OPTION.
THANKS Robinson Argent
hello good day to you. i saw your mlail sent to me. i received an email from AGULU THE CHILF OF CUSTOMS HE TOLD ME THAT THE CERTIFICAT WILL BE PROVID TO ME TOMORROW. he told me every regarding the fee please go and send them the money so that by tomorrow i will leave here to you door step. please updat me when you make the complete payment.
thank you and GOD bless you Lewd Noogie
Mr. Robinson, Please forgive me but I must ask an important question. And please, take it in the constructive spirit in which it is asked: WHAT THE FULK ARE YOU DOING IN FLORIDA??? YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IN MOSCOW!! HOW DID YOU GET TO FLORIDA??? NEVER MIND, I DON'T CARE HOW YOU GOT THERE, JUST TAKE BACK THE BOXES FROM CUSTOMS AND GET YOUR ASS ON A PLANE TO MOSCOW!!! THIS IS PONDEROUS, JUST FULKING PONDEROUS!! Ok, it's out of my system and I'm calm now. Mr. Robinson, work with me here. Florida is in the US. I am NOT in the US, I am in RUSSIA! They are like, how shall I say, DIFFERENT COUNTRIES!! No wonder you're having so much trouble in customs!! You're lost!! Admit it, you are LOST!! I was getting ready to send Ms. Bushburn, my admin assistant, to Irkutsk to send $685 to some customs lady in Benin, wherever the hell THAT is. It's a good thing I saw your email before she left. Now I understand why Mr. Agulu has such a strange name for a Russian - it's because he's not RUSSIAN!! He's an AMERICAN!! Please, Argent, in the name of all that is holy, go to Mr. Argula, explain that there has been an assinine mistake, take back the boxes, and bring them here to Moscow. Let me know as soon as you land. LewisLewd Noogie
Mr. Agulu,
I was about to send you the signature fee you requested when I received an email from the diplomat, Argent Robinson. Mr. Agulu, you're gonna laugh at this, but apparently Mr. Robinson is in the wrong country. Yes, you read correctly, he's in the wrong country. He's in an airport in Florida, in the United States, and he's supposed to be here in Moscow, Russia. Silly, no? I apologize for the mistake and I thank you for the time that you have spent on this.
Thanks again, Tundey Agulu
ATTENTION we receive your mail sent to us we are not talking about the diplomat argent we are not talking about hes idiotness or some thing like that. note that before we start going fulther to this consignmlent issues we have first of all contacted the fbi and they told us that your box is legit that it should be delivered to you so you dont tell us that the diplomats argent dose not know what he is doing he is making the nice delivery you own that box he stoped here in florida with other boxs that wase with him the owners have proclaim they own all remaining only you because he told us that he will leave from here florida to your side Moscow, Russia.. so you dont say so we saw the other peoples boxs which he have delivered to the owner showing us also not only the fbi that the whole boxs with him is legit..
kindly regard this informations for the payment. WE AWAIT TO RECEIVE THE PAYMENT INFORMATION TO ANEBLE THE DIPLOMAT TO LEAVE TOMORROW TO YOUR SIDE . MR TUNDEY AGULU THE GENARAL MAN AGER OF CUSTOMS Robinson Argent
hello god day to you.
i receive your mlail sent to me like i have told you i am in florida airport with many boxs with me so i have complete the whole consignment delivery i have here i suggest to move from here florida to you home addres. so go aheard and send them the money sum of $685 USD for the needs of the monet at this moment they need it before they will react again to me immeidtaley the payment is complete they will releas me and i will be immeidiately dispartsh to you door step.
thank and remain bless in the lord.
am waiting to hear from you regarding the payment regard. Robinson the diplomat with your box in florida. Lewd Noogie
Mr. Agulu, I am so exasperated I don't know where to begin. Mr. Robinson, the complete moron escorting my boxes, has taken a very simple task and dicked it up completely. I received an email from whom I assume is Mr. Robinson's superviser, a Mr. Paul Monretyies, telling me that Mr. Robinson had lost my address and was stranded in my country's international airport. The fact that the dummy lost my address should have been an indicator of the type of person I would be dealing with. Anyhow, as my country's international airport is Moscow, I assumed he was there and, since he told me he was having problems in customs, I assumed that you were there as well. Now I find out that the dimwitted Mr. Robinson is in Florida, probably lounging around the beaches and having a merry time with my boxes. Should I assume that you also are in Florida? What I don't understand, and would really appreciate if you could explain, is if Mr. Robinson has already cleared customs in Benin or wherever he came from, why am I required to send money there? I understand why I might have to pay duties or provide this ownership certificate at the point of entry, but I don't understand why I would have to pay to someplace called Benin. I thank you for helping me to understand this and look forward to your response. Lewis D. NoogieTundey Agulu
ATTENTION WE RECEIVE YOUR AMIL SENT TO US REGARDING THE PAYMENT. WHY YOU ARE REQUIRED TO SEND THE FEE TO BENIN REPUBLIC IS BECAUSE YOUR BOX CAME HERE FROM BENIN REPUBLIC AND ANY THINK ABOUT IT IS WELL HANDLED OVER TO FBI AND THEY ALWAYS KEEP ON MONITORING YOUR BOX TILL IT DELIVERED TO YOU AS POSIBLE SO THE ISSUED WASE BIGIN IN BENIN REPUBLIC AND YOUR BOX WASE DEPOSITED TO SPED TRUST COURIER COMPANY. YOU HAVE TO SEND THE MONEY NOW SO THAT THE DIPLOMAT ARGENT WILL IMMIDIATELY MOVE TO YOUR SIDE SO GO AHEARD AND MAKE THE PAYMENT DONT BE OFFENDED BUT YOU HAVE TO SEND THE MONEY WITH OUT THE MONEY THE CETIFICAT CAN NOT BE PROVID BECAUSE THAT CETIFICAT SHOWS THAT YOU OWN THIS BUT IF YOU DONT HAVE THIS CERTIFUCAT HOW CAN YOU BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN TO US THAT OWN THIS BOX. I WE LOOK TO RECEIVE THE PAYMENT BY TOMORROW AND ITS NOT COMPLETE KINDLY KNOW THAT WE ARE GOING TO SCAN THE BOX AND KNOW THE CONTENT INSIDE THE BOX. THANK YOU AND WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU WITH THE PAYMENT INFORMTIONS. REGARD. MR TUNDEY AGULU THE GENARAL MAN AGER OF CUSTOMS Lewd Noogie
Mr. Agulu, I must strongly point out that I do not think that the FBI has business being involved in this and I would request that you send them on ther way. I would also request that you not scan my box as there are sensitive photographic materials inside that would be destroyed by x-rays. That said, we have a small problem now. Since early this morning we have had a storm front set in and we are experiencing blizzard conditions here in Siberia. It will be impossible for my admin assistant to get to Irkutsk as the storm is forecast for the next 3 to 5 days. My suggestion would be to have Mr. Robinson proceed to Moscow. Assuming he doesn't get lost again on the way, by the time the Robinson Travelling Circus arrives in Moscow we should be able to figure out a way to get the payment to you. Please let me know if this is acceptable.Lewis D. Noogie Tundey Agulu
ATTENTION. pleaserecomfirm the informations again needed for the payment.
send the money to mrs OBUNSO ANDREW.v
RECEIVER NAME OBUNSO ANDREW
NOTE THT YOU ARE SENDING THIS MONEY TO BENIN REPUBLICBECAUSE YOU BOX WASE DEPORSITED BY SPEED TRUST COURIER COMPANY IN BENIN REPUBLIC DONT MAKE MISTAKE YOU DONT HAVE TO BE WAITING TO SEND THE MONEY BECAUSEZ ITS THAT PAYMENT HOLDING EVERY THING TO BE DONE. Tundey Agulu
ATTENTION.
WE DO NOT HEARD FROM YOU WHAT IS HAPPINING WHAT. WE ARE IN SOPPOSE OF RECEIVING THE PAYMENTS INFORMATION WHAT IS ALL THIS DELAY ABOUT. MR TUNDEY AGULU THE GENARAL MAN AGER OF CUSTOMS Lewd Noogie
Mr. Agulu, As I explained in my last email to you, I am unable to make payment by Western Union at this time. The nearest Western Union office is in Irkutsk which is 8 hours from here by car. We are in the middle of one of the worst snow storms of the decade and the roads are impassible and will be for I don't know how long. I will try to think of another way to get the money to the customs department. It is very important that the FBI MUST NOT SCAN the box. I will send an email to Mr. Mueller of the FBI and see if I can get him to call his men off. If you can help me by not letting them have access to the box, I will see to it that you are well-rewarded.
Thank you for your help. Tundey Agulu
ATTENTION TO THIS VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE MESSAGE WE RECEIVE YOUR AND NOW ACKNOLEGE YOUR AMIL SENT TO US. any where we have no long estetment with this conversations now you thought we are just jaking with you how can you tell me that you have not yet make the payment what do you mean by tell me so. ok now how do you want me Mr AGULU to stop the fbi in scaning the box which i know that they will soon scan the box o know the content in the box a western union where you can enter motor and stay for 8 hours to get to the western union is that time not enogh to you i have tried all my best in the way i know i can so i will not take this from you when we receive your mail sent to us this morning in my own thinking i thought that you have make the payme i mean i thoght that the payment information is the next for us to go and pull off the money for the use but i can not understand what is going on with you over that side we have giving you allot of time to complete the payment but we can see that you dont understand our duties regarding the tretment we gives to an suspitureus consignment we our self we are going to scan the box before the fbi to know the content inside the box because we dont understand you this time. this consignment delivery have taken mush time we gave you all this time to provid the fee needed from you because the diplomats argent whom we know as a diplomat argent always with legit consignment boxs. the diplomats is worried he is about to go back to his country but your box is holding him from going back now we want to set him free that box must be scan soon and we will snt the diplomat free then you will bea the consiquence of your consignment issues. so i my self i advice to you now if you dont have the acces to go to any western union to make the payment then provid another person who can help you to complete the payment. fine a friend brother or your sister to help to make the payment in that nearist western union over your side because if we do not receive the payment information we will immeidately scan the box and take any action supposed for you before the fbi.
THANK YOU Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
As you may be aware, I have been having considerable difficulty in having a box containing worthless personal items delivered to me. This is partly due to an airhead diplomatic courrier and partly to what I am convinced is a corrupt customs manager, Tundey Agulu. Mr. Agulu keeps threatening to have my box scanned even though I have explained to him that there are sensitive photographic materials inside that would be ruined by the scanning process. I believe that the fee of $685 that he is demanding borders on vampirism and is no doubt illegal. Mr. Mueller, they have been dicking with me over this box for several weeks now and nobody dicks with Lewd Noogie. With you being the director of the world's premier law enforcement agency, I believe that you and I can come to some sort of arrangement. I am willing to pay you or your agency the $685 if you will have both Mr. Agulu and Mr. Robinson, the diplomatic courrier, arrested. Mr. Agulu should be arrested for extortion and abuse of power as a government official. I'm not sure about Mr. Robinson, perhaps criminal stupidity, or being stupid in public, something like that. I don't care, whatever you can get him on. If you agree to this arrangement, and if one or both of them were to be hurt or otherwise injured during their arrest, I will throw in another $300. So that's my offer. I will send you $685 dollars to have the both of them arrested, and another $300 if they are both injured, badly, during the arrest. Total, $985 and my promise to avoid Amsterdam cat houses in the future still stands. Of course I also want you to release my box, unscanned, for delivery to Moscow. Yours in the arms o' revenge, Lewis D. NoogieLewd Noogie
Mr. Agulu, Please be patient. I have written to Mr. Mueller, the FBI director, and you should be hearing from him shortly. Lewis D. NoogieRobinson Argent
hello good day to you.
i have not heard from you again what is happining. the fbi told me that your box will be scan on wednesdqy of this week if you have not send the money to the customs. thank you and remain in God blessing. Robinson thez diplomat with your box in florida airport Lewd Noogie
Mr. Robiinson,
I'm trying very hard to get this problem solved. Just relax and enjoy Florida while I try and sort things out. Lewd Tundey Agulu
ATTENTION. listin and be very carefuly am telling you this my self to help you this is an asurance they is no how you can receive this box which you said that its contain not i dont know but you know s all side it because you own it. that $685 USD will be send to us before any thing will be done succesfuly. am just gisting you by brother the fbi wrote to our office on satueday leting us knowing that your box will be scan on wednesday this week if this payment is not send to the customs. dont tell any body that i told you again ok.
as you are saying about the wezstern union decetance from your home to western union office you dont have to make any delay in making that payment send your brother sister friend who can help you do make the payment because you will fine your self dificult in fbi action. try and make the payment because any delay is deserction.
regard. Lewd Noogie
Mr. Agulu,
I have to ask you to please be patient regarding thie $685 payment. The weather here has worsened and it is impossible for me or my staff to get to Irkutsk where the nearest Western Union is located. I will write again today to the FBI and ask them to hold off scanning the box for a few more days. Sincerely, Lewis D. Noogie Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
I am informed by Mr. Yundey Agulu, the Genaral Man ager of Customs, that you have not responded to me because of outstanding issues etween us. I have apologized repeatedly for the, uh, Amsterdam 'incident'. I don't know what other issues could possibly be outstanding between us, except for maybe that Pamela Anderson stalking thing, and as I maintained at the time, I did not leave the US to avoid prosecution. I only left because I had prepaid for the hotel accomodations in Amsterdam and didn't want to lose my deposit. And besides, when Ms. Anderson saw me outside her window those several times, it was only because I was examining the mulch she uses on her flower beds. She has spectacular flowers, you know. So I hope this finally clears the air between us. My previous offer to you of $985 still stands, and please honor the conditions stipulated, vis., pain infliction on the two people I have asked you to arrest. Upon word from you that the arrests have been made, I promise you that the $985 will be in your hands the following day.
I again look forward to your favorable response. Tundey Agulu
ATTENTION. your email wase received in the office ok i understand you and i will also write to the fbi and ask them to give you some time for you to over come the bad weather in your country but before i will write to them the mail you have to first tell me when you think that the ppayment will be done so that i can know how i can write my mail to the fbi. thank you waiting to know the asual day you will be able to make the payment. MR TUNDEY AGULU THE GENARAL MAN AGER OF CUSTOMSRobinson Argent
hello good day to you
i heard what you said but am not here to relax please do every thing porsible to make sure that you complete the total payment. Lewd Noogie
Mr. Agulu, You have to try and understand the conditions I'm working under here. There's 8 feet of snow outside and it's been there for 2 weeks. Please forgive me for not knowing how long this snow is going to be here but I'M NOT THE FULKING WEATHERMAN! Excuse my tersiosity/terseness but I've been trapped in this hotel for two weeks, the only woman I've seen is an East German massage therapist, I've been dealing with a diplomatic courier who is a raving lunatic, and the only thing that is probably keeping the FBI from showing up at my doorstep is the snow. You gotta cut me some slack, I don't work well under stress and I'm going nuts here.
I'm trying to negotiate a deal with the FBI. Please be patient. Tundey Agulu
attention.
we rceive your mail. i have understand what you are passing through your side i have also wrute to fbi telling them to give you this week and sure they have heard what i told them so bear it in your mind that you dont fall to send the money this week. we will be ontouch till every thing is setuled. thank you waiting for your reply MR TUNDEY AGULU THE GENARAL MAN AGER OF CUSTOMS Tundey Agulu
ATTENTION.
why you do not respond why. the diplomats will be punished tomorrow which is tuesday if that payment is not send to us. thank you MR TUNDEY AGULU THE GENARAL MAN AGER OF CUSTOMS Lewd Noogie
Mr. Agulu, I have grown weary of this entire fiasco. I have been worrying about this since I first heard the box was being delivered but I can worry no more. I have been defeated, you have won. I cannot get to a Western Union with the weather as it is. And even if I could, I don't think that diplomat Robinson has the intelligence to get the box from Florida to Russia. Why they ever entrusted someone with the brain of a turnip to make a delivery of this importance is beyond me. As a result, I hereby relinquish ownership of the box and you may do with it as you like; scan it, burn it, push it into the ocean, I no longer care. I will also write a letter to Mr. Mueller of the FBI informing him of my decision. Lewis D. NoogieLewd Noogie
[Lewd threatens to walk away.]
Mr. Mueller,
This is to inform you that I have relinquished ownership of the box being delivered to me by the diplomat Mr. Robinson. I have turned over care, custody and control to Mr. Agulu, the Genaral Man ager of customs. I have grown weary of dealing with the imbecile Robinson and the thief Agulu. I sincerely wish that you had taken me up on my offer to pay you to arrest those two hooligans. As you have not, I am washing my hands of the entire affair. Sincerely, Lewis D. Noogie Robinson Argent
[This is the original spelling, really.] hello good day to you. i did not heard from you again what is happining. listin and listin to me very carefuly am not here for a joke or some thing like that i have being here in the airport for over a mounth now but i cant see any efort from you showing that you need your box to be deliver i told you first time am here in florida because i came with some many peoiples box and which i hjave deliver all to the owner why would you keep me here am woried what i need now is to move today from here florida to your side so that before this weekend will come on your delivery is finilise. there is no complecat of procciudetions understanding i am not jabbering any thing with you but am try to notify you regarding this delivery am not here for your box only am here with so many peoples box which have already delkivered to the owner so i dont see the reason why i will be here for so long like that what do you suggest what. the fbi customs they emailed me this morning they told me that you told them to scan the box. why do you want to put me into troble why ok. if they scan the box and see the content inside the box why do you think that it will happen what i personal will be in special troble and which you will regreet why this have done to us am afried my brother i can let you know that am not ok here. can you please setul the custom and let them to allow me move with your box here how would you fill this stuation if you are the one in this porsition how can you fill or dont you that am a family man my children wife are lonly in my home benin republic. this truble am talking about is wll not come to me only but for you also as the owner of this box if this cause gose fulther you will spend allot of money which you dont expect that you will spend in this matter am tell you this because this si what i have experinced before. the fbi is regarding this issue as criminal offence and which you dont have any evidence to prove that this box is legit with the certificat of owner ship. i have complemented you before when you told me that you are geting ready to send the fee tto the customs but now its not what i think is what i see so tell me how can you always keep on labouring me in this delivery am here for over one mounth because of delivery of one box is that how i work and have a promotion in our company please after reading my mail please please and please i please you in the name of God almight to go and send the fee to the customs to aneble me dispartsh to you door giving addres.
thank you remain in Gods blessing.
['Robinson Argent' will not get his 'sharing percentage' if Lewd doesn't send money to 'Tunde Agulu'. But you knew that.]
Robert Mueller II1
ATTENTION TO THIS MESSAGE. YOU ARE ONEC RECEIVING THIS MESSAGE AGAIN FROM FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE BENIN BRANCH. THIS IS TO ACKNOLEGE YOUR MAIL SENT TO OUR OFFICE WE DO RECEIVE ALL YOUR MESSAGE REQUIRED CONCERNING YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX.
we have told you before we only perticcipate with our duties we do not perticcipat with any duties that is not yours we have saw all your required porsibly the customs are doping they right it is they work they dose in the acknoleged og your mail it ca never be porsible for the customs to release the diplomantic argent with your consignment with out the owner ship certificat. LISTING this certificat shows that you own this box and also for your box to have customs order whicn can never be stop again by any body because that certificat present that you own this box. Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
I hate to have to resort to legal chicanery but at this point I feel it necessary to tell you that the box in question is not mine. As there is no certificate of ownership in my name, the box can in no way be connected to me. After the box is scanned and the contents revealed, if criminal charges are warranted you already have your criminal in hand - the diplomat Robinson. Yes, if there is somethig illegal in that box then you know who to arrest. I know that you law-enforcement officials don't make a lot of money for the difficult jobs that you do. The deal I offered you to have Mr. Agulu arrested as well still stands. With the weather as it is, it would be a very, very dangerous journey from here to Irkutsk where the Western Union office is. However, if you are willing to take the deal, I am up to the task. I will send Ms. Bushburn to Irkutsk first thing in the morning with $985 to send you upon your word that both Mr. Robinson and Mr. Agulu are behind bars. Those two have jerked me around from the beginning of this delivery and I want revenge. You can get it for me. I await your response.Lewis D. Noogie Robert Mueller II1
ATTENTION.
YOU DONT HAVE ANY RIGHT TO TELL ME THAT I SHOULD GET MR AGULU ARRESTED FOR WHAT REASON. WELL THAT IS DEPARTED FROM THIS VERY ISSUE WE HAVE TOLD YOU BEFORE THAT WE WILL KEEP ON MORNITORING YOUR BOX TILL YOU RECEIVE IT. REPOND TO ME IMMIDIATELY AND TELL ME WHAT REALY YOU WANT ME TO DO FOR YOU. RESPIND GO DIRECT TO YOUR POINT AND LET ME KNWO WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO FOR YOU. tell me what realy you want me to do for you. WE AWAIT YOUR RESPONSE AND ALSO AWAIT YOUR COOPERATION IN ADVANCE. Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
While you are the last person in the world that I want pissed off at me, I should point out that Mr. Agulu has been performing his duties as Genaral Man ager of Customs with extreme incompetence, not to mention the extortionate amount he wanted to charge me for merely putting his signature on the certificate of ownership. The man is truly a vampire. If you don't want to arrest him for being the criminal that he obviously is then I withdraw my claim to the box. You may do with it as you please, it is not mine. And when you scan it and find illegal items inside, I suggest you send diplomat Robinson to your least-comfortable prison for a number of years. Sincerely, Lewis D. Noogie Robert Mueller II1
ATTENTION.
YOU ARE NOT DIRECT TO THE POINT. I ASK YOU WHAT REALY DO YOU WANT ME TO DO BECAUSE WE ARE ALWAYS MAKING OUR IVERSTGATION TELL ME REALY WHAT YOU WNAT ME TO DO FOR YOU.WE AWAIT YOUR RESPONSE AND ALSO AWAIT YOUR COOPERATION IN ADVANCE. Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
I thought I had made myself quite clear. I told you several times that I want both Agulu and Robinson arrested and the box sent here to me unscanned. For this I am willing to pay you the $685 that Agulu has been demanding for that damned ownership certificate plus another $300 if both of them get damaged during arrest. Since you seem unwilling to accept my offer, I am relinquishing all claims to the box. If it contains anything illegal then you can only charge the person who has current possession of the box and that is Robinson. So the choice is yours. Either arrest those two or do whatever you want with the box. Lewis D. Noogie Tundey Agulu
ATTENTION.
HOW CAN YOU TELL ME THAT YOU ARE NOT THE OWNER OF THIS BOX YOU OWNS IT AND YOU HAVE TO CARE FOR IT BECAUSE THE WHOLE CARE ARE YOUR RESPORNSIBLIT HERE ATTACHED YOUR CERTIFICAT OF OWNER SHIP WHICH YOU TOLD ME ON YOUR LAST MAIL SENT TO ME THAT YOUR NAME WASE NOT IN THAT CERTIFICAT MEANING IN YOUR OWN SUGGESTION THAT ITS NOT YOUR OWN ATTACHED THE CERTIFICAT WITH YOUR NAME SHOWING YOU THAT YOU WON THIS BOX AND YOU HAVE TO CARE FOR IT DO YOU UNDERSTAND SOME THING HERE IN MY PROCCIDETION DO YOU. YOU ARE REQUIRED TO SENT THE MONEY FOR CUSTOMS SIGNING SIGNATURE FOR THE CUSTOMS ORDER OF YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX MEANWHILE YOU HAVE NO CHIOCE TO MAKE THIS ESTATMENT WHICH YOU HAVE WITH YOU NOW TO THROIUGH THE CERTIFICAT AND GET BACK TO ME WIT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS ISSUE BECAUSE DONT DONT ALWAYS TALK WHAT IS THE RIGHT THING IN THIS MATTER YOU SOME THINK TALK TO ME IN THE WAY WHICH I DONT UNDERSTAND AND WHICH I CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND TILL YOU RECEIVE YOUR CONSIGNMENT AND TALK OUT YOU CONSIGNMENT OVER HERE I HAVE NO CHOICE IN YOUR CONSIGBMENT BOX BECAUSE ITS NOT MINE SO REGARD AM RIGHT HERE IN MY OFFICE WAITING TO YOUR RESPOND TO MY MAIL SENT TO YOU. THANK YOU. MR TUNDEY AGULU THE GENARAL MAN AGER OF CUSTOMS Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
I just received a very interesting letter from Mr. Agulu. He sent me a copy of the certificate of ownership!! Hes already got the fulking thing and it's all signed!! I told you this man was a criminal! Please, I beg of you, do your duty and arrest this man. Lewis D. Noogie Robert Mueller II1
ATTENTION Lewis D. Noogie ok i will make sure my boys get dose two idiot arrested immidiately two of them is arrested i will call a photografic to snap them picture and then i will send you a copy of they pictures in jail where i will send them to for a number of years. but i know what you can do for me after all this when you box also is delivered to you unscannable but it is asurance to you i will make sure they are arrested and i wll also send my boys to accompany your two boxs to your home. tell me when will you send the money or are you going to first send the $685usd or $300usd hwich one will you send today. is it $685usd or $300usd.
tell me are you willing to send them at once the total $985usd respond to that because it will help my boys in the procces of the arrest. Robert Mueller II1
RESPOND IMMIDIATELY AND LET ME WHEN YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE THE PAYMENT AS THE PAYMENT WILL HELP MY BOYS IN THE WORK REGARDING THE ARRESTMENT.
Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
I received your email with tremendous pleasure; you have made me a very happy man to know that I have been instrumental in having a corrupt public official and a complete moron locked up for a long time. I like the idea of the picture of these two in jail. Let's do it this way - arrest them and snap their picture in jail, then send it to me. Once I receive it, I will steel myself for the dangerous 8-hour journey to Irkutsk and then send Ms. Bushburn there with the $985 to send you by Western Union, as promised. My congratulations to you, sir. It's prompt apprehension of criminals like this that makes the FBI the numero-uno law enforcement agency in the world. I urgently await the picture and your description of their arrest. Lewis D. NoogieTundey Agulu
ATTENTION THE FBI CAME TO MY OFFICE TODAY AND TELL ME THAT AM UNDER ARREST AND I DONT KNOW WHAT I HAVE DONE IN BEING UNDER ARRESTED BUT ALL IS ABOUT YOUR BOX ISSUES THEY SAID THAT AM A CRIMINAL THAT I WANT TO CLAIM YOUR BOX AND WHICH I DID NOT WHAT DO YOU EXPECT MY BROTHER PLEASE EMAIL THE FBI DIRECT AND ASK THEM TO GET US RELEASED BECAUSE WE WILL DIE HERE IF WE STILL STARY HERE PLEASE I PLEASE TO YOU IN THE NAME OF GOD ALMINGHT. THEY TOLD ME AND ROBINSON THAT TODAY WILL BE THE LAST TIMLE WE WILL HAVE TO WRITE PEOPLE EMAILS AND WE CANT SEE THE SKY PLEASE WRITE TO THEM FOR OUR RELEASMENT. PLEASE ADVICE TO THAT I PROMISE TO YOU IF THIS PEOPLE RELEASE US I WILL MAKE SURE YOUR BOX DELIVERED TO YOU IMMIDIATELY PLEASE FORGIVE ME IF I HAVE OFFENDED YOU IN ANY KIND I HAVE TO ANT THING WRONG TO YOU PLEASE. YOUR RESPOND IS NEEDED IN MY RELEASEMENT. THANK YOU. MR AGULU THE GENARAL DIRECTROR OF CUSTOMSRobert Mueller II1
ATTENTION.
THERE TWO PICTURE ARE ELL SNAPED AND ALSO I HOPE YOU RECEIVE THEY PICTURE THROUGHT THE EMAIL YOU RECEIVED BY MR AGULU I TOLD THEM TO MAKE THEY LAST ESTETMENT WITH THEY TWO PICTURE TO YOU.
REPOND TO ME AND LET ME KNWO YOUR SUGGESTION OVER THIS OK.
SEND TO MRS CHIOZIE PAUL
RECIVER COUNTRY SEND TO MRS CHIOZIE PAUL IN PORTO-NOVO BENIN REPUBLIC. [Director Mueller includes a picture of two sorry-looking white guys in jail...] Robinson Argent
hello good dayv to you.
am writing to you now with tears in my eyes regarding your delivery as i have told you before that the fbi will get me arrested and they have get me and the Mr agulu arrested and just right now they have snap us a picture they told us to do any thing we have to do with computer now because they told us that now will be the last time we will touch computer and tell us that we will not see the sky what have i done to deserve all this please halp me write email to fbi direct to release us please this will be the last time i will have ti email please people please do some thing urgent we are now arrested by the fbi we are now in jail what have i done please come for my rescuse. amwaiting to hear from you soon as porsible. Robinson the diplomats with your box in florida airport.
[You do realize, dear reader, that 'Robinson' is not Robinson, he is not in Florida, the FBI have not arrested him, he is working really hard for his sharing percentage of the money Lewd is being badgered to send to 'Tunde', who is not Tunde, etc.]
Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
All I can say sir is, Job Well Done!! By taking Mr. Agulu out of circulation, innocent travellers can once again fly into the airports of Florida without fear of extortion by the Genaral Man ager of Customs. And by removing the diplomat Robinson from the gene pool, you have single-handedly raised the average IQ of the general population by 40 points. Minimum. I salute you for your work and I have every intention of submitting your name to be considered for a Nobel Prize. I received snivelling email from both of them, naturally proclaiming their innocence and begging me to rescuse them. Ha, fat chance! Coupla whiners if you ask me. As far as my recomendations for duration of sentence, I would suggest in the neighborhood of, say, 50 years for Agulu. As far as Robinson is concerned, considering the magnitude of his criminal stupidity and the risk of dumbing-down the entire world population should he ever be set free, I think that the death penalty would not be inappropriate. In lieu of that, I don't think we should consider anything less than 1,500 years. Just to be sure. I guess the only thing left is for you to send my box, unscanned of course, on its way to Moscow. Once I receive notification of its arrival, I'll take it from there.
Thanks for all your help. Robert Mueller II1
ATTENTION. I RECEIVED YOUR MAIL SENT TO ME. I WILL LIVE THEM IN THATN JAIL FOR THE REST OF THEY LIFE.
I PROMISE TO YOU YOUR BOX WILL BE SENT TO YOU UNSCANED OK EVERY THING WILL SOON BE ALRIGHT.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE PAYMENT HAVE YOU SENT THE MONEY IF YOU HAVE NOT GO DIRECT NOW AND SEND THE MONEY AND UPDATE ME WHEN YOU SEND IT TO MY MAIL BOX OK. THE PAYMENT IS HIGLY NEEDED. Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
We are in the middle of the worst blizzard to occur this century but at this moment your payment is more important than my personal safety. I have therefore equipped Ms. Bushburn with snowshoes and extra socks (in case of vehicle trouble) and sent her on her way to Irkutsk with instructions to send the $985 to you by Western Union. She will call me with the MTCN as soon as she sends it and I will pass it on to you. Again, thank you very much for your hard work to see two scoundrels put behind bars. You are a credit to your profession. Sincerely,Lewis D. Noogie Robert Mueller II1
OK AM WAITING FOR THE PAYMENT AS YOU HAVE PROMIST I KNOW YOU WILL NOT FALL ME AND AS FOR ME I KNOW THAT I WILL KEEP ALL PROMISE WHICH I HAVE PROMIST TO YOU OK. SEND THE MONEY WITH THE NAME WHICH I HAVE GIVING TO YOU AND SEND IT TO MY MAIL BOX AND I WILL MAKE SURE YOU RECEIVE YOUR BOX BY ALL MEANS ITS A PROMISE TO YOU OK ITS UNFALABLE WHICH YOU KNWO THAT WE HAVE NEVER FALL IN OUR DUTIES. WAITING FOR THE PAYMENT INFORMATIONRobert Mueller II1
AM MAKING THE EXPECT OF THE PAYMENT WITHIN THIS TIME FOR THE FANALISE THIS DELIVERY TO YOUR HOUSE
STILL WAITING
Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
You will have to be a little patient. I pushed Ms. Bushburn kicking and screaming into the car that will take her to Irkutsk but I estimate that in this weather it will take her 10 - 12 hours to get there, assuming she gets there. I should have some information for you sometime in the morning. Sincerely, Lewis D. Noogie [Tundey Agulu has a habit of cc-ing me on the email that he sends me so I get two copies everytime. From out of nowhere I get an email from Ban Ki-Moon, Secretary General of the UN, and he also has this cc habit. He tells me of $35 million that is supposed to be released to me after I send $1,850 to Chiozie Paul but this time in Nigeria. When I check Ban's IP address, it is similar to Argent Robinson's. There may well be some clever strategy going on here but I don't see it yet....] Ban Ki-Moon
<ecobankplc@fastservice.com>
X-Originating-IP: [205.188.105.146] FROM THE DESK OF: BAN KI-MOON UNITED NATION SECRETARY GENERAL ATTENTION OF:Lewis Noogie , Internationally Confirmed/ Entitled Owner Of US$35,000.000.00Million. SUBJECT: PROVISION OF INTERNATIONAL BOND CERTIFICATE/ANTI-TERRIORIST CERTIFICATE FOR LEGAL PROTECTION OF US$35,000,000.00 MILLION IN FAVOUR OF Lewis Noogie in USA This Office of the United Nation ( U.N) Supervises/Regulates the Movement of all Funds both within and out-of the African Continent. We acknowledge the receipt of your request concerning the Provision of International Clearance Certificate which will enhance the smooth remittance and Easy reception of the Money in your own destination bank account. We have initially received your Payment File from the Remittance Director of the Eco Bank of Nigeria Plc. Also, we have officially confirmed the existence of US$35,000.000.00 (Thirty Five Million United State Dollars) and the authenticity of your claims as the approved beneficiary. Therefore, we are officially obliged to issue the vital INTERNATIONAL BOND CERTIFICATE/ANTI-TERRIORIST CERTIFICATE that will facilitate the release of your approved sum into your own bank account in your country. We have detailed in this letter, the statutory procedure for this great office to ISSUE the INTERNATIONAL BOND CERTIFICATE/ANTI-TERRIORIST CERTIFICATE in favour of every foreign beneficiary of all internationally Approved Funds. The procedure is stipulated in the Foreign Payments Act of 2007 and in accordance with our Constitution / Guidelines of Official Operations. Since the incident of the Terrorist attack of the World Trade Center on September 11th, 2001, the United Nations and all concerned International Financial Authorities passed the Regulation/ Mandatory Instruction that all Funds exceeting One Million U.S. Dollars must acquire the INTERNATIONAL BOND CERTIFICATE/ANTI-TERRIORIST CERTIFICATE from the UNITED NATIONS in order to ensure that the Funds is completely Certified FREE from all sorts Terrorists activities and Money Laundering. They said INTERNATIONAL BOND CERTIFICATE/ANTI-TERRIORIST CERTIFICATE shall provide complete International Cover for the US$35 Million in your favour and it also confirms internationally that the Funds' remittance to your bank account nominate is Genuine, Legal and that it is NOT money laundering. This means that you remain protected (once the Certificate is finally issued to you) and you shall smoothly receive the transfer of US$35,000.000.00 (Thirty Five Million United State Dollars) within (72)hours of getting the Clearance Certificate from this office. Further to the above, the International Bond/Anti- Terriorist Permit Certificate will certify the Genuineness of the Funds Origin and Proves that the total approved Funds in the (US$35,000.000.00 Million) is confirmed as non-criminal origin, and that it is legally owned by /assigned for the Remittance in favour of Lewis Noogie in USA. The Certificate will assuredly/ Internationally authenticate the fact that you shall PERMANENTLY remain the legally approved beneficiary of US$35Million eligible for the claims. By virtue of that fact, theIndemnity Bond will be Provided in your Favour (by virtue of the International Bond/Anti- Terriorist Certificate) confirming that the certification or authentication or legalisation remains true and accurately set forth, and further that they shall at all times, INDEMNIFY and keep indemnified the Funds and the approved Beneficiary in the person of Lewis Noogie in USA. against all claims and demands that may at any time be made against them or any of them by reason of issuing or authentication or legalisation of such certificates, invoices and other documents as aforesaid. The Internationally endorsed Official requirement/ charges for the Provision of the vital International Bond/Anti-Terriorist Certificate is the sum of $650 (One Thousand Two Hundred And Fifty United States Dollars) and it shall be paid by the beneficiary (Lewis Noogie in USA) via Western Union Money Transfer directly to the this office. Also this fee shall be send to our branch office in Nigeria were the fund was origiinated with the below name and address. Note that the payment MUST be made to our branch office in Nigeria with their names and address: 1)NAME OF RECEIVER: CHIOZIE PAUL LOCATION: NIGERIA TEXT QUESTION:IN GOD? TEXT ANSWER: WE TRUST AMOUNT TO BE PAID: $1,850USD ONLY MTCN/CONTROL NUMBER........................ .. ENDEVOURE TO SEND THE SENDERS NAME /ADDRESS IN FULL. Therefore, this United Nations (U.N) Office hereby give you the Official and Irrevocable GUARANTEE that the above fees totalling the amount of $1,850 (One Thousand Eart Hundred And Fifty United States Dollars) SHALL BE the only fees that you will pay to finalise this transaction and your total approved Funds of US$35,000.000.00 (Thirty Five Million United State Dollars) shall be effectually released to your own nominated bank account/deliver to you in USA.
... and if a victim suggests deducting the 'fee' from the big fat pile of money:
And, the fees CANNOT be deducted from the US$35,000.000.00 Million because it is approved as Indivisible Funds and cannot be touched until the Certificate is given to the bank for the immediate release of your fund. Endeavor to send details of payment (MTCN Number) of the payment as detailed above to this Office via email and same copy to the Eco Bank of Nigeria through their email address as : (ecobankplc@fastservice.com ) immediately after you pay the fee as instructed above. The above fee MUST be paid on or before Friday the 05th of March 2010. Accept our magnificient Congratulations for your great success in advance. Expecting your prompt response and details confirming that you have paid the official charges for the Certificate. Yours faithfully, BAN KI-MOON U.N SECRETARY GENERAL Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
I have good news. Ms. Bushburn, my admin assisatant made it safely to Irkutsk. She called from her hotel once she arrived and, after giving me a weapons-grade ass-chewing for sending her there, said she would be sending you the money first thing in the morning. However, I received a rather mysterious email from a Mr. Ban Ki-Moon, telling me about a large sum of money in a Nigerian bank, and instructing me to send $1,850 to the same Chiozie Paul that you are instructing me to send the $985 to. I have asked Ms. Bushburn to hold off sending the money to you until I can get clarification on this matter. Mr. Mueller,I am very confused. Why would this guy Ban Ki-Moon be writing me? What does he have to do with my box? I await your reply. Sincerely, Lewis D. Noogie Robert Mueller II1
ATTENTION
I HAVE SENT MY BOYS FOR IVERSTGAT ABOUT THIS YOU ARE TELLING ME NOW DOSE PEOPLE ARE CRIMINAL I HAVE FINE OUT WHAT THIS PEOPL ARE DOING THEY USE OUR OFFICE MONEY RECEIVING NAME TO WRITE TO YOU SO THAT YOU WILL THINK IS THROUGH. DONT YOU SEND THEM ANY MONEY AND YOU HAVE TO SEND ME THEY INFORMATION SUCH AS THEY EMAIL ADDRES WE CAN VERIFY AND GET THEM ARRESTED OK. BUT YOU HAVE TO SEND THE MONEY NOW FOR HELPING MY BOYS IN THERE DUTIES. WAITING FOR THE PAYMENT. when ever you receive any message with any of our working equipment don respond to the mail because many people use our name to collect money from people do you understand. we are not thinking about it because we always arrest them if you like i cant send you mant picture of so many criminal like the people email you to send them that money you said here when there are also arrested i snap they pictures and send it to you again ok that is our dutires we dont think of they soon they will fine they selfs here in prison for a number of year. but as this is now i will make suer they spend rest of they life over the prison its a promise to you i will do that as i have told you now. Robert Mueller II1
ATTENTION
YOUR MAIL IS WELL RECEIVE IN OUR OFFICE. LIKE I HAVE TOLD YOU WE ARE STILL MAKING THE IVERSTGATION ABOUT WHAT YOU JUST TOLD ME. ITS AN ASURANCE TO YOU I WILL MAKE SURE THAT I GET DOSE CRIMINAL ARRESTED. I SEE THAT THIS PEOPLE IS USEING OUR OFFICE MONEY RECEIVER TO COLLECT MONEY FROM PEOPLE BUT THAT IS NOT MATTERED TO US BECAUSE THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME WE HAVE GETING THEM ARRESTED ITS A PROMISE TO YOU I WILL GET THEM ARRESTED AND SNAP THEM PICTURE AND SEND YOU A COPY OF THEY PICTURES OK. MAKE SURE YOU DONT SEND ANY MONEY TO ANY BODY THAT NAME chiozie paul can not be used by any body so when ever you receive any message with this name dont you respond to the mail because that mail is not legit. but send the money because its needed for my boys in they hard work they move to iversgation about this but they have to be giving some thing for they more confidence in this work ok. dont you disturb your self about i asure you i will arrest them and send you a copy of they pictures ok. when i get them arrested i will make sure i put them into jail for a number of your infact they will spend the rest of they life in the prison where i will comand my boys to put them with out seeing sky. and they will be earting once in four day that is what am going to do. because they have use our office name to tell lies to people and i will disoganise them its a promise to you. but dont fall sending the money after receiving this mail because like i have told you it will be needed for my boys for they more comfidence do you understand some exprence here. don email them gain if you have emailed them before ok. but for that i versgation you have to send me they email addres which they use to write you that message immudiately you receive this message send me they email addres to anable us get them arrested today ok. am very very anuoid about this you are telling me i am anuoid and this is the reason why you have not send the money that will not be the reason why you will stop the payment because that is not real how would you think that this is real and immidiately you deccid to stop the payment why. like i have told you befoer you dont joke with us because we can never joke with any body we only paticcipate with our duties and which we have not fall for a single day we do fulfil all we promise to do to any body and when we have taking a diccition it can not be chaged by any body. and our deseir remains we plan to it to show how workfull wxe are in our duties am giving you 24hours this people are arrested and a copy of they picture will be sent to you for your more confidence. i hope the paymnt is done send me the control number immidiately you receive this message from me ok. am here in my office waiting for the pyament. WE AWAIT YOUR RESPONSE AND ALSO AWAIT YOUR COOPERATION IN ADVANCE. Robert S. Mueller III Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
I don't know but we may have a problem. When I talked to Ms. Bushburn this morning, I gave her both addresses for Chiozie Paul, one in a place called Benin and one in Nigeria, because I wasn't sure which one you wanted the money sent to. When she called me back later, the phone connection wasn't too good but I believe she said that sent the money to the Nigerian address. Either way, your man will receive it, right? Let me know when you receive it so we can start working on getting my box sent here. Sincerely, Lewis D. Noogie Robert Mueller II1
ATTENTION MR Lewis D. Noogie
YOUR MAIL IS WELL RECIVED HERE IN OUR OFFICE. I RECEIVE YOUR MAIL BUT I DONT GET YOU UNDERSTOOD WHAT ARE YOU TALKING I HAVE TOLD YOU THAT WE DONT HAVE ANY ISSUE WITH ANY NIGERI CONVERSATION I TOLD YOU THIS PEOPLE IS USE OUR NAME TRYING TO COLLECT MONEY FROM PEOPLE WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THAT YOU DONT KNOW WHERE THE MONEY WASE SENT TO US YOU DONT KNOW THE ADDRES WHERE I WANT YOU TO SEND THE MONEY TO DONT YOU RECEIVE MY MESSAGE DONT YOU WHAT ISSUE DO WE HAVE TO DO WITH NIGERIN ABOUT YOUR BOX DELIVERY WHAT ISSUEI TOLD YOU THAT I HAVE STARTED MAKING IVERSTGETION ABOUT THIS YOU JUST TOLD ME NOW. WHICH I HAVE PROMISE TO YOU THAT I WILL MAKE SURE I GET THEM ALL ARRESTED AND SNAP THEM PICTURES AND SEND YOU A COPY OF THEY PICTURES CALL Ms. Bushburn AND TELL HEAR TO NOT MAKE THEY PAYMENT IN NIGERIA EBCAUSE WE DONT HAVE ANY ISSUE WITH NIGERIA OVER THIS MATTER. SEND THE MONEY TO MRS CHIOZIE PAUL TEST QUESTION...A TEST ANSWER.......B M T C N............. AMOUNT $985 UNITED STATE DOLLARS. RECEIVE COUNTRY PORTO-NOVO BENIN REPUBLIC. DONT MAKE ANY DELAY FOR I HAVE SETULE MANY PEOPLE IN THIS THEY HARD WORK. AS SOON AS WE HAVE GET DOSE CRIMINAL ARRESTED THEN I WILL SNAP THEM PICTURES AND SEND YOU A COPY OF THE PICTURES. BUT I WASE SO SUPRISE WHEN YOU SAID HERE WHEN MY MAN RECEIVE IT LET ME LET YOU KNWO WHICH MY MAN IS GOING TO RECEIVE THE MONEY THIS MONEY WILL NOT RECEIVE BY ANY BODY EXCEPT MRS CHIOZIE PAUL WHEN EVER SHE RECEIVE THE PAYMENT THEN SHE WILL HANDLE THE MONEY AS SHE WASE INSTRUCTED TO DO IN OUR OFFICE AS THE RULES AND THE REGULATION of the office by receive it and puting it inti our office acount so it will not be receive by any other person do you understand. make sure you dont send any money to any nigerian ok. GO AND SEND THE MONEY NOW FOR THE USESES WHICH I HAVE EXPLAINED TO YOU NOW. WE AWAIT YOUR RESPONSE AND ALSO AWAIT YOUR COOPERATION IN ADVANCE. Robert S. Mueller III Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
I talked again with Ms. Bushburn and I think we're ok on the money. She said that even though she sent it to the Nigerian address, she did send it to your man Chiozie Paul. I think he he should be able to get it no matter where he is. Please let me know what we have to do to get my box to Moscow. Sincerely, Lewis D. Noogie Ban Ki-Moon
what have you done with the fbi why would you tell the fbi about the mlessage we send to you we are so sorry we send you such message please dont write us any email and we will not write you again.
please dont you give any of our information to fbi we are sorry for the inconvinienceses. if you have send us any money to nigria go and pick up your money we are not intrested any more. thanxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Robert Mueller II1
i did not receive any email from any body. now tell Ms. Bushburn to send you the informations where the money wase sent to i have not receive any think and i wase not directed you send send any money to any nigerian issue.
send me the payment information and the email addres where you send the money to. am right here in my office waiting your respond. Robert S. Mueller III Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
Ms. Bushburn said she sent the money to Chiozie Paul in Nigeria. She confirmed from Western Union that he has already collected it. What about my box? Lewis D. Noogie Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
I just received this from the same Ecobank address that I received the Ban Ki-Moon email from. Is this of any help to you? Lewis D. Noogie Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
What do I have to do to get my box moved to Moscow now? Has it left Florida yet? Lewis D. Noogie Robert Mueller II1
ATTENTION Lewis D. Noogie
your mail is weelled received in our office. you are not direct to the point you told me you have send the emoney to nigerian addres and i have ask you to send me a copy of they informations but you always fall it why? i did not receive any money with my all praudness and i did nothing with any nigerian do you understand so never you tell me about any issue concerneing nigerian issue for all long when we are in communication for your box delivey have we ever discuse about any issue concerning nigerian why would you tell me such words why?. i have told you to send me they full informations so we can try our all best to get them arrested but you dont. nowlet me have the information of the payment or the addres where the money wase sent to ok. we have finist what you told us to do for you we complete all but for you to fuilfil your promise to us you begin now telling me that you receive an email from bank or what ever you called it showing you the same i nformation which i have giving to you for the payment how would you think that i will send you message with our office receive NAME to write to send me money in nigeria do i work in nigeria do i live in nigeria why must all this why? fuilfil you promise to us because we have fuilfil our own promise to you and still promiseing you again that we will get dose people that use our office name to collect money from people i will make sure they are arrested and i will send you a copy of they pictures in the jail where i will put them in for a number of years. the payment is gighly needed as it wase requiered and promist to FBI office not to me only but to FBI office all here in florida. am waiting for the payment informations your box is well safed here by us securities but you have to fuilfil your first promise before going to ang fulther in this conversation because this is now entering to my prohibited. waiting the formations. Robert S. Mueller III Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
I don't uderstand why you maintain that I hae not fulfilled my promises; I have fulfilled them all, not the least of which was to send $985 to your man Chiozie Paul. If it was sent to him, he is the ONLY one who can pick it up at Western Union. HE told me to send it to Nigeria. He works for YOU, doesn't he? Have you talked to him to verify that he received it? Ms. Bushburn has been unable to return from Irkutsk due to the continuing weather situation but I did talk to her by phone last tnight. She gave me the following informations:
Sender's Name - Maya Bushburn She went back to Western Union to see if she could get the money back but they told her it had already been picked up. I tell you, your man Chiozie has the money. Nobody else could pick it up. So I have done everything you asked me to do - what about my box?Lewis D. Noogie Robert Mueller II1
ATTENTION LIKE I HAVE TOLD YOU I HAVE NOT RECEIVE ANY MONEY AND CHIOZIE PAUL IS NOT A MAN SHE IS A WOMAN CHIOZIE PAUL IS WOMAN SO MAND YOUR TALKING HOW WOULD YOU TELL ME THAT YOU SEND THE MONEY TO CHIOZIE PAUL MY MAN IN NIGERIA I HAVE I TOLD YOU TO SEND ME ANY MONEY IN NIGERIA WHY YOY LIVE THE EMAIL I SENT TO AND FOLLOW BY ANOTHER PEOPLE TRYING TO SJELL YOUR MONRY FROM YOU WHY WOULD YOU NOT SEND STHE MONEY TO THE INFORMATIONS WHICH I HAVE PROVIDED FOR YOU WHY? I RECEIVE THE PAYMENT INFORMATIONS WHICH YOU SENT TO ME I HAVE SEND MRS CHIOZIE PAUL AND I HAVE GIVING HEAR THE INFORMATIONS TO GO AND CHECH AT WESTERN UNIO OFFICE IF THE INFORMATIONS PROVIDED FROM YOU IS VALID OR NOT BUT AT THE END THE MONEY WASE NOT GOOD THE TRACKING SAYS THAT THEY DONT HAVE ANY ORDER WITH THAT INFORMATIONS PROVIDED FROM YOU WHY MUST ALL THIS TELL ME NOW WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST. BUT YOU HAVE NOT MADE ME WELL CLEAR IN THIS MATER WHY CANT YOU SEND ME THE EMAIL ADDRES WHERE THE MONEY WASE SENET TO WHY LET ME WEE THE EMAILM ADDRES WHERE THE MONEY WXASE SENT TO OK BUT AS Ms. Bushburn IS STILL ROUND THE AREA TO MAKE THE PAYMENT TELL HEAR TO SEND US ANY AMOUNT ATHOUL BECAUSE WE ARE SUPPOSE RECEIVE SOME THING FROM YOU HAND YET. I WRITE TO YOU WITH THE INFORMATIONS PROVIDED BY ME AND YOU LIVE AND DO WHAT YOU LIKE WITH ANOTHER PEOPLE AND STARY TELLING ME THIS AND SENDING ME FAKE INFORMATION WHY DID YOU SEND ANY VALID INFORMATIONS TO ME DID YOU YOU SEND ME THE FAKE WHY? MUST ALL THIS. WE HAVE GET DOSE PEOPLE ARRESTED I HAVE CALLED THE PHOTOGRAPHER TO SNAP THEM PICTURE AND I WILL SEND YOU A COPY OF THERE PICTURES OK. BUT TRY TO SEND US ANY MONEY AUTHOUL BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT RECEIVE ANY THING FROM YOU YET AND WHOICH IS THROUGH YOU HAVE NOT GIVING ANY THING TO US FOR OUR HARD WORKK. I WAIT YOUR RESPOND TO OUR OFFICERobert S. Mueller III Robert Mueller II1
Good news we have get them arrested when they have information that we are treqting them by boys get them arrested on they way out to the country with they card at this night i immidiately snap them picture at that night so here there pictures when they are arrested by my boys.
bello they pictures RESPOND AND TELL ME BWHAT YOU SUGGEST I WAIT YOUR RESPOND WE AWAIT YOUR RESPONSE AND ALSO AWAIT YOUR COOPERATION IN ADVANCE. Robert S. Mueller III Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
That certainly is good news, and I'm impressed at how quickly you were able to capture them. Very impressed, indeed. I presume that they still had the money with them. So now what do we do next to get my box sent to Moscow?Lewis D. Noogie Robert Mueller II1
why is it that i have not heard from you again why?
Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
I wrote to you on Friday asking you what we need to do now to get my box delivered to Moscow. I need to know if there is anything else I have to do. Lewis D. NoogieRobert Mueller II1
i have promist you that i will make sure your box get delivered to you as we have get dose idiots arrested and by now they are still in jail which they will remain for the rest of there life. i saw your question to me but i thought i have told you all we have to do. you promise to send us sum of $985usd but you did not you sent us an invalid M T C N so go and send us the money you promise to send to us after our hard work of geting dose criminals arrested and realy we have fulfiled our own promise to you so complete your own promise to us go and send us the money i promise to you i will make sure you receive your box to moscow within 24hours because we have never fall and which we will not fall in all our duties. go and send us the money then you will know how our duties wase but remember after your box is delivered to you. you will give me some thing for apriciating my job to you do you understand so am waiting the payment. but as people have use our office name for unexpect some thing which we dont expect we have now changed our office name receiving money so when ever you want to send any money to our office kindly directly use this name MS OBUNSO ANDREW. SO USE THIS INFORMATIONS BELLOW FOR THE PAYMENT. RECEIVERS NAME..MS OBUNSO ANDREWTEST QUESTION..Lewis TEST ANSWER......Noogie M T C N........... AMOUNT.............$985USD RECEIVER COUNTRY BENIN REPUBLIC YOU WELL RECEIVE MY INFORMATIONS BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN THAT YOY HAVE SEND THE MONEY TO NIGRIAN WHICH I HAVE NOT ORDERED YOU TO PATICIPAT WITH RECOGNISE THEM ALL. I HOPE YOU HAVE CHANG YOUR MAIL BOX PASSWARD AS I HAVE TOLD YOU BECAUSE IF YOU DONT THEN YOU WILL BE LOSEING MANY THINGS IMPORTANT IN YOUR MAIL BOX SO CHANG IT NOW IF YOU HAVE NOT. AM WAITING FOR THE PAYMENT AS URGENT AS WE NEED IT NOW. Robert S. Mueller III Robert Mueller II1
PLEASE RECOMFIRM YOUR DELIVERY ADDRES
I MEAN WHERE YOU BOX WILL BE DELIVERE TO YOU AS IT WILL BE LIVING HERE TOMORROW WHEN YOU FINISH THE PAYMENT. DELIVERY ADDRES. TELLEPHONE NUMBER Robert S. Mueller III Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
I'm not sure why I have to send the $985 again but I called Ms. Bushburn in Irkutsk and asked her to resend it. She called back with the following MTCN: 0917001119. The telephone connection was not too good and Ms. Bushburn has a heay Ukrainian accent but I'm pretty sure that's what she told me. Let me know when you have received it. Lewis D. Noogie Robert Mueller II1
HOW WOULD YOU SEND ME ONLY M T C N HOW ABOUT THE SENDER NAME AND THE QUESTIONS IFN THROUGH YOU SEND THE MONEY TO US AND REALY THE SEND US THE SENDER NAME AND YOUR INFORMATIONS AS REQUIRED.
OR YOU SEND THE PHONE NUMBER OF Ms. Bushburn SO THAT I WILL CALL HEAR MY SELF AND KNOW WHAT IS HAPPING OK WAITING YOUR RESPONDING Robert S. Mueller III Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
I'm sorry but I presumed it was understood that she would use the information you requested me to use. Receiver's Name..Ms. Obunso Andrew Test Question..Lewis Test Answer:...Noogie M T C N..0917001119 Amount.............$985USD Receiver Country Benin Republic Sender's Name: Maya Bushburn Robert Mueller II1
ATTENTION.Lewis D. Noogie
I RECEIVED YOUR MAIL SENT TO OUR OFFICE I HAVE RECEIVE ALL THE INFORMATIONS REQUIRED FROM YOU BUT AS WE DONT HAVE THE ACCESS OF GOING TO WESTERN UNION NOW TO PULL OF THE MONEY SO DONT BE OFFENDED I WILL GET BACK TO YOU WITHIN 5HOURS TO COME SO THAT WE WILL HAVE THE ACCESS OVER THE PAYMENT OK. AND SEND US THE DELIVERY DDRES WHERE YOUR BOX WILL BE DELIVERED TO YOU AFTER WE PULL OF THE MONEY FROM WESTERN UNION OFFICE. I WILL KEEP YOU UPDATED OK Robert S. Mueller III Robert Mueller II1
immidiately the payment is comfirmed here in our ofiice then i will email you and let you know when your box will be arriving to moscow ok
Robert S. Mueller III Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
Here is the address where I would like the box delivered: Address: c/o Hotel Ne Zalupaisya, 17, Leninski Prospect, Gadyukina, Irkutskay Oblast 697000, Russian Federation Thanks. Lewis D. Noogie Robert Mueller II1
ATTENTION.Lewis D. Noogie
YOUR MAIL IS WELLED RECEIUVE D IN OUR OFFICE. I WOULD FIRST ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS NOW? DID YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS THE TWO TIMES WHICH YOU HAVE LABOURED US BY SENDING US FAKE M T C N ALL THE TIME DID YOU NOW THAT DO YOU JAKE WITH US OR WHAT REALY YOU THINK WE ARE BEFORE THE GOVERNMENT OF ALL COUNTRIES IN THE WHOLE WORD. WHEN RESPONDING ANSWER ALL THIS QUESTIONS BEFORE WE CAN REACT REGARDING OUT DUTIES ACT. LISTIN I AM NOT DISTURBING ME SELFS ANY MORE LONGER BECAUSE YOUR ARE ENTERING TO A PLACE HIGHER THAN YOU REGARDING THE COMFUTION WHICH YOU ARE PUTING IN THIS OFFICE WHY MUST ALL THIS WHY? IF YOUR WILLING IS TO REMAIN ALWAYS SENDING US INVALID M T C N THEN I THINK WE CAN STOP THIS AND THEN YOU CAN COME HERE AND TAKE YOUR BOX AND DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT TO DO WITH IT. IF YOU LIKE TO SEND THE REALY COMFIRM INFORMATIONS TO US THE GO AND SEND IT IF YOU DONT LIKE THEN DONT.Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
Believe me sir, it was never my intent to cause any comfution, and the MTCN I gave you was not a fake but rather an error. As I tried to explain to you, when I spoke with Ms. Bushburn the phone connection was bad and she speaks with a heavy Ukrainian accent. She sometimes mixes Russian and English and she can be very difficult to understand. I spoke with her again last night and I think I know what the problem was. It appears that she transposed a couple of the MTCN numbers. Instead of 0917001119 it should be 0971001119, and she also had neglected to tell me that she used a different Test Question and Answer. She felt that using my name was not secure enough. Below is the information she gave me over the phone last night:
Receiver's Name..Ms. Obunso Andrew Thank you. Lewis D. Noogie Robert Mueller II1
ATTN: LEWIS D. NOOGIE
WE RECEIVED YOUR EMAIL REGARDING YOUR CONTACT INFORMATION YOUR ASK TO RE-CONFIRM, MEANWHILE, WE LIKE TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR CONTACT INFORMATION IS WELL NOTED, I PERSONAL HAVE CONTACTED SPEED TRUST COURIER COMPANY BENIN TO SEND TO US ANOTHER DIPLOMATIC AGENT THAT WILL DELIVER YOUR CONSIGNMENT TO YOUR HOME ADDRESS. BELOW IS THE THERE CONTACT INFORMATION, CONTACT THEM AND ASK TO PROVID ANOTHER INTERNATIONAL DIPLOMATIC AGENT ODER BY (F.B.I). CONTACT PERSON: PATT LANDY E-MAIL: speedcourier221@hosanna.net CONTACT TEL: +229-988-988-16/+229-966-045-35 FAX: +229-936-647-14 SEND YOUR CONTACT INFORMATION TO THEM AS LISTED BELOW: FULL NAME:............. HOME ADDRESS:.......... COUNTRY:............... TEL:................... CELL:.................. MOREOVER, YOUR ADVISED TO RE-SEND THE FEE TODAY IN THIS INFORMATION LISTED BELOW SO ONCE THEIR DIPLOMATIC AGENT ARRIVE HERE IN OUR OFFICE WE WILL HAND THE CONSIGNMENT TO HIM TO PROCEED TO YOUR HOME ADDRESS WITH OUT ANY DELAY. RECEIVER'S NAME:_____________OBUNSO ANDREW TEST QUESTION:________________HOW SOON? TEST ANSWER:__________________URGENT RECEIVER COUNTRY:____________BENIN REPUBLIC AMOUNT:______________________$985USD AFTER SENDING THE FEE DO GET BACK TO US WITH THIS INFORMATION LISTED BELOW, ONCE THE DIPLOMATIC ARRIVE HERE HE WILL PROCEED WITH THE DELIVERY OF YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX WITH OUT ANY FURTHER DELAY. SENDER'S NAME:____________SHOULD BE YOUR NAME MTCN:_______________________? SENDERÕS ADDRESS:__________________? WE ARE WAITING TO RECEIVE THE WESTERN UNION PAYMENT INFORMATION AND UPDATE US THAT YOU HAVE CONTACT THE COURIER COMPANY TO SEND ANOTHER DIPLOMATIC AGENT. ROBERT S. MUELLER, III DIRECTOR FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE. Robert Mueller II1
ATTN: LEWIS D. NOOGIE
THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL, I WANT TO INFORM YOU THAT WE RECEIVED MASSAGE FROM YAHOO OFFICE THAT HACKER ARE INTO YOUR PERSONAL EMAIL ADDRESS AND YOUR ADVICE TO CHANGE YOUR PASSWORD IMMEDIATELY. MEANWHILE, THE MTCN YOU SENT WAS SAME STORY, CALL MRS. MAYA BUSHBURN ON PHONE RIGHT NOW TO GIVE YOU THE CORRECT MTCN TO ENABLE US OTHER FOR THE DIPLOMATIC AGENT FOR THE DELIVERY OF YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX. AFTER RECEIVING THE CORRECT MTCN NUMBER FROM MRS. MAYA BUSHBURN SEND IT TO ME VIEW EMAIL TO ENABLE US COMMENCE WITHOUT ANY FURTHER DELAY. ROBERT S. MUELLER, III DIRECTOR FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE. Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
I don't understand how hackers got into my email account but you're right, I need to do somethig about it. I suppose I should set up a new email address but I don't know how to do that. Ms. Bushburn always handles that kind of thing for me. I'm beginning to wonder where Ms. Bushburn's head is today. I called her again as you suggested and you're right again, she had given me the wrong MTCN a second time. I may have to consider getting a new admin assistant. The number she gave me this time is 0971009111. I don't know if this is correct or not. If it doesn't work, let me know and we'll think of something else. I appreciate your patience. Lewis D. NoogieRobert Mueller II1
ATTENTION MR LEWIS D NOGIE
we have track the M T C but still its not good what i happining. i would suggest to handle the passward change if you dont know how to paticcipate with it send me the passward of your mail box when responding then i will chage every thing for by my selfs for your securite reason.
and i have emailed the courier company which i have directed you to contact with the informations provided for you in my last mail sent to you why have you not send them the whole informations needed from you for the delivery of your consignment box why? Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
I can't believe that Ms. Bushburn has given the wrong MTCN again!! I tell you, I would fire that woman if I didn't need her around here so badly. Unfortunately I don't know anyone else in Irkutsk who can help her with the MTCN. Let me ask - does the FBI have a bank account where I could just wire the money to? I think it will be so much quicker than waiting for Ms. Bushburn to get back. I also appreciate your offer to help with my hacked email. Unfortunately I don't know the password on this email account. Ms. Bushburn set up the password and she keeps me logged in. It would be a big help if you could set up a new email address with a new password for me.
Thanks very much. Robert Mueller II1
ATTENTION MR LEWIS D NOGIE
WE HAVE RECEIVED YOUR EMAIL TOGETHER WITH ALL YOU HAVE SAID, WE DONÕT KNOW WHY IT IS TAKEN YOU LONG TO SEND THE CORRECT MTCN FOR THE PAYMENT. MEANWHILE, AFTER RECEIVING YOUR EMAIL WE DECIDED TO PROVIDE AN ACCOUNT WHERE YOU WILL TRANSFER THE MONEY TO ENABLE US COMMENCE IMMEDIATELY. WE HAVE OPEN THE EMAIL ADDRESS AS WE TOLD YOU IN OUR PREVIOUS EMAIL BUT WE CAN NOT SEND IT YOU THROUGH THIS EMAIL BECAUSE THEY WILL MONITOR YOUR USERNAME AND THE PASSWORD, YOUR ADVICE TO SEND YOUR DIRECT TELEPHONE NUMBER TO US TO ENABLE US CALL You AND GIVE YOU THE USERNAME AND PASSWORD FOR SECURITY REASON, ALL WE ARE DOING TO PROTECT YOU FROM SCAMMER'S TO AVOID LOSING ANY OF YOUR PROPERTY, AS WE HAVE BEEN INSTRUCTED BY OUR GOVERNMENT TO SERVE OUR CUSTOMERÕS. FINALLY, STOP SENDING ANY MONEY THROUGH WESTERN OR MONEY GRAM NOW WE PROVIDE ACCOUNT TO YOU WHERE YOU WILL TRANSFER THE MONEY, BELOW IS THE INFORMATION YOU NEED. BANK OF AMERICA A/C # xxxxxxxxxxxx ROUTING #: xxxxxxxxx A/C NAMEA: PROBABLY A DIFFERENT SCAM VICTIM* ADDRESS: xxx xxxxxxxxxx ST. CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA. AFTER TRANSFERRING THE MONEY DO FORWARD THE PAYMENT SLIP TO US, ONCE WE RECEIVE THE MONEY WE WILL INVITE THE NEW DIPLOMATIC AGENT FROM AFRICA TO PROCEED WITH THE DELIVERY OF YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX. ROBERT S. MUELLER, III DIRECTOR FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE. [The bank account may belong to a scammer, or someone duped into working for scammers - that is one of their scams, to offer 'check-cashing' jobs. Do not take one of those 'jobs'! You could wind up behind bars.] Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
Thank you again for all your assistance. I should be receiving my February salary any day now and as soon as I have deposited it I will make the transfer to the account you provided.
As far as the new email address you have set up for me, I would suggest that you send the address and password to Ms. Bushburn's email address: If you want to try and call here, the number of the hotel front desk is 7.495.964.xxxx. If you get through just ask for Lewd and they'll send someone to find me. Again, thanks for everything. LewdLewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
I went to the bank this morning and wired $985, AGAIN, to the account number that you gave me. The clerk at the bank said it will take 3 business days for it to arrive, so please let me know when you have received it. Were you able to send my new email information to Ms. Bushburn's address? When will my box leave for Moscow? LewdRobert Mueller II1
ATTENTION MR LEWIS D NOGIE
WE RECEIVED YOUR MAIL, WE UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE TRANSFER THE FEE INTO OUR PROTOCOL ACCOUNT GIVEN TO YOU, YOUR ADVICE TO SCAN THE TRANSFER SLIP AND SEND TO US IMMEDIATELY. MEANWHILE, WE WILL ORDER FOR THE NEW DIPLOMATIC AGENT FROM BENIN REPUBLIC TO COME OVER TO OUR OFFICE ONCE WE PICK UP THE FEE HE WILL PROCEED WITH THE DELIVERY OF YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX TO YOUR HOME IMMEDIATELY. WE ARE WAITING TO RECEIVE THE TRANSFER SLIP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. ROBERT S. MUELLER, III DIRECTOR FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE. Robert Mueller II1
ATTENTION MR LEWIS D NOGIE
WE HAVE NOT HEARD FROM YOU WHAT IS HAPPING. SEND US YOUR TELLEPHONE NUMBER AS REQUIRED FROM YOU SO THAT WE CAN BE ABLE TO SEND YOU YOUR NEW EMAIL THROUGH YOUR TELLEPHONE LINE BECAUSE WE ARE KEEPING THIS CONFIDENTAL AND THE USER NAME AND THE PASSWARD SHOULD BE NON BY NO BODY EXCEPT YOU. YOU ONLY ITS IMPORSIBLE FOR US TO SEND THE NEW EMAIL ADDRES TO ANOTHER PERSONS EMAIL ADDRES THE PERSON WILL KNOW YOUR PASSWARD AND THAT IS WHAT WE DONT WHAT LIKE I HAVE TOLD YOU BEFORE WE ARE NOT GOING TO CALL THE TELLEPHONE NUMBER WHICH YOU HAVE PROVIDED FOR US BECAUSE THIS MUST BE CONFIDENTAL AND SHOULD NON BY NO BODY EXCEPT YOU THE OWNER OF THE EMAIL ADDRES DO YOU UNDERSTND WHERE MY SUGGESTIONS IS GOING THROUGH FOR SECURITE REASON. SO DONT FALL TO SEND US YOUR PERSONAL TELLEPHONE NUMBER IMMIDIATELY WE RECEIVE YOUR TELLEPHONE LINE WE WILL SEND YOUR NEW EMAIL ADDRES IMMIDIATELY ITS A PROMISE TO YOU. WE AWITING YOUR RESPOND. ROBERT S. MUELLER, III DIRECTOR FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE Lewd Noogie
Mr. Mueller,
It is entirely safe to send the new email information to Ms. Bushburn. She may get flaky on me sometimes but I trust her completely. Besides, I'm a real klutz when it comes to computers and she has to help me just to get online. I already sent you a phone number where I can be reached. I can't use a cell phone here because there is no signal. Communications here in Gadyukina are straight out of the stone age. I have one of the hotel technicians working on the scanner and as soon as he gets it working again I'll scan and send the transfer slip. LewdRobert Mueller II1
ATTENTION MR LEWIS D NOGIE
YOUR MAIL IS WELLED RECEIVED HERE IN OUR OFFICE. MAKE YOU SCAN THE TRANSFER SLEEP AS POSSIBLE AND SENT TO US BUT REGARDING THE ISSUES WE HAVE AT HAND NOW THERE IS NO WAY YOUR NEW EMAIL ADDRES CAN BE SNED TO ANOTHER PERSON WHOM IS NOT YOU NEVER AND IMPORSIBLE THE USER NAME AND THE PASSWARD WILL BE READY TO FORWARD TO YOU ONLY BECAUSE LIKE I HAVE YOU BEFORE THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE TRETED CONFIDENTALY AND SECRETLY BEFORE ANY OTHER PERSON SO NO WAY I CAN SEND YOU YOUR NEW EMAIL ADDRES THROUGH ANOTHER PERSONS EMAIL ADDRES OR TELLPHONE NUMBER EXCEPT YOUR YOU THE OWNER OF THE EMAIL SO THAT YOU WILL LOOST NOTHING AGAIN BESIDE THE PAST DO YOU UNDRESTAND NO LONG ISSUE HERE TO BE JABBERING TOGETHER WITH I MEAN THE EASY WAY TO MAKE THIS IS THIS I TOLD YOU NOW I CANT SEND OUT THE EMAIL ADDRES TO ANOTHER PERSON EMAIL ADDRES OR TELLEPHONE LINE EXCEPT YOUR TELLEPHONE LINE ONLY WHEN I RECEIVE YOUR TELLEPHONE LINE THEN I WILL IMMIDIATELY CALL YOU AND GIVE THE USER NAME AND THE PASSWARD OF YOUR BOX SO DONT YOU EVER THING OF SENDING IT TO ANOTHER PERSON EMAIL ADDRES OR TELLEPHONE NUMBER. AND MAKE SURE YOPU DONT FALL SENDING US THE TRASFER SLIP AS SOON ASPOSSIBLE. AM AWAIT YOUR RESPOND ROBERT S. MUELLER, III DIRECTOR FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE Lewd Noogie
[Time to kick these guys to the curb...]
Subject: My Responds
Mr. Mueller, I have good news and I have bad news. Bad news first. I have reported your mugu ass to the CIA, BATF, Secret Service, EFCC, Interpol, ECOWAS, NYPD, the NFL and a bunch of other acronyms. As soon as I find an email address for the Gestapo I'm gotta get them involved too. You're in deep sh*t and there's probably a SWAT team surrounding that internet cafe you hang out in as we speak, ready to move in and take your ugly ass down. Now for the good news. Nah, I lied. There ain't no good news. Before those SWAT guys in the ninja suits burst through the door with guns blazing, let me give you some advice. You're no good at this scamming stuff. As a matter of fact, you're really BAD at it. For one thing, I'm pretty sure that the real Robert Mueller knows how to spell. And whoever was writing as the 'diplomat' has the intelligence of a kumquat. It just didn't work. Ok, so what can you do if you can't cut it as a scammer, you ask? Well, you could get a job there in the internet cafe serving coffee to the lads who are better at it than you are. I don't know how well those guys tip but at least it's something. Who knows, you might be able to pick up on some of their scam techniques. Or you could sweep the streets in front of the internet cafe, you know, try to keep the place clean, make it homier. These are just a few ideas off the top of my head. I imagine by now there's lots of little red laser dots appearing on the walls so I'll let you go. Don't resist when they arrest you, just go along quietly. Stay Blessed and Fulk you. Lewd [There you have it!] |