CALIFORNIA DREAMIN'

Lewd Noogie, International Hotel Consultant, wins a green card and prepares to emigrate to Los Angeles

with the help of

Marykate Purchia, U.S. Green Card Lottery Coordinator (not)

And featuring semi-intrusive scam-o-notes which we hope do not interrupt the flow.

[Scam-o-note: folks contemplating immigration to the USA -- please be careful about paying for any 'services'. It is one thing to pay for legal advice on procedures, and there may be (legitimate) application fees for certain government services. It is another to pay for government forms and information which are free. Beware people claiming to give you an 'inside' angle. Also, that rumor about the streets being paved with gold -- it was an exaggeration. They are paved, though. Mostly.]


MARYKATE PURCHIA

From : dvlottery2004/005_state dvlottery <dvlottery2004_state@walla.com>
Sent : Saturday, September 4, 2004 3:07 AM
To : <dvlottery2004_state@walla.com>
Subject : DVLOTTERY2004/2005.STATE.GOV(!!CONGRATULATION!!)

X-Originating-IP: [192.116.87.64]
[allocated to an Israeli company which, like many European and American firms, provides satellite internet connections to West African ISPs, and has a good record of responding to spam complaints.]

DVLOTTERY.STATE.GOV
U.S. Department of State
2201 C Street NW
Washington, DC 20520
www.dvlottery.state.gov

[dvlottery.state.gov => 69.25.31.98 => Internap Network Services, Atlanta Georgia
www.dvlottery.state.gov => we couldn't get it to come up
"state.gov", BTW, belongs to the US State Department. ]


Dear client,

Congratulations, you have been selected as one of the lucky winners on our internet screening machine,DV-2004-2006 USA national visa lottery program. It is my pleasure to congratulate you on your success in the America DV-2004-2006 VISA LOTTERY GREENCARD which was applied and processed by our agency. Your visa lottery winner's identity is ID-4200DV and your serial net visa passport with us SNVPh700IU in this respect,you are directed to forward the following requirements:

l Your present contact address(for correspondent)
l Your recent passport photograph :REGULAR MAIL:
You can also send your photo(s) by regular mail.
The photo must be between 1 ... by 1 ... and 2 by 2 inches (37-50 mm) square, with the applicant?s, spouse's, or child's name printed on the back. Please mail the photos to:

Immigration Services:
PA/PL, Rm. 3206
U.S. Department of State
2301 C Street NW
Washington, D.C. 20720

[C Street is the general mailing address of the US State Department, but guess what you don't win lotteries you don't enter and this is all so bogus... but you knew that, right?]

Or Preferably, You Scann your passport photograph and send it via email for faster processing.

Clearance/acceptance fees ($349.67) Details of requirements:

Your present contact address should be forwarded strictly to our receieving email address for correspondent:
e-mail: Immigrationdv2004Services@rediffmail.com
Alternatvely for faster processing, A scanned copy of your passport photograph should be send via our recieving email address.

[The State Department will not contact you through a rediffmail (free web mail) account, but you knew that, right? Also, even if the American public school system is terribly strained, civil servants still have a decent command of English spelling & grammar.]

Clearance/acceptance fees payment ($349.67): we accept money order as the only payment method due to some reasons from our past experiences. (credit card is not acceptable,please.) Your western union or other means of money transfer payment information should be forwarded as directed on payment procedures through our new caramail satelite attached network order for security reasons as indicated below.
e-mail: Immigrationdv2004Services@rediffmail.com

Your payment confirmation shall be sent to you as soon as clarification is done on your payment. Providing the above requirements will assure you your visa lottery acknowledgement card and visa lottery security code which we shall send to your email address.

Important notice :Please make sure you report and forward your lottery visa code and acknowledgement card to the USA embassy in individual country for your green card and other necessary claims. According to the united state code of conduct and constitution Vol.176/866 :Act 690SN guiding all immigration, green card permit agencies if non-response after 21days you receive this message your winner's status shall reveal no interest and we would in response refer your lottery code and acknowledgement card back to the USA government/immigration service center.
We shall be anticipating for your reply soon.

FOR YOUR IMFORMATION OUR AGENCY ADVICES YOU TO CONTACT THE IMMIGRATION SERVICE FOR YOUR REQUIRMENT PLS CONTACT THERE E-MAIL NOW FOR YOUR NOTICE:
e-mail: Immigrationdv2004Services@rediffmail.com

Thanks
MARYKATE PURCHIA
CONGRATULATIONS !!!
Co-ordinator.

KELVIN POWELL
president

note:your respond/reply is strictly recieved on our attached recieving email network for security reasons.

e-mail: Immigrationdv2004Services@rediffmail.com


LEWD NOOGIE

Dear Sir or Madam,

I received a notice that I am a winner in the US National Visa Lottery Program and I was advised to write to your address for details. Any further information you can provide will be greatly appreciated.

The notice I received spelled out several requirements (passport photograph, contacting the US Consulate) but I'm unclear on the sequence or timing. Any information you can provide in this regard will also be appreciated.

Once I have a green card are there any restrictions about where I have to live in the US? I'm not restricted to living in Texas or someplace like that, am I? I have dreamed all my life about living in Southern California!

Thank you very, very much!
Lewis D. Noogie
Novosibirsk, Latvia


MARYKATE PURCHIA

From : Immigrationdv Immigrationdv
<immigrationdv2004services@rediffmail.com>
Sent : Wednesday, September 8, 2004 4:18 PM
Subject : DVLOTTERY2004/2005.STATE.GOV( YOU WON)

Dear Lewis, I received your reply in response to your Green Card Winners Status with our immigration agency.

This is to inform you that you can now work, live and be a residential holder in the United State Of America. Your request and futher enquiry is highly welcome by our agency.

Thanks
Marykate Purchia


MARYKATE PURCHIA

Sent : Wednesday, September 8, 2004 4:23 PM
Subject : DVLOTTERY2004/2005.STATE.GOV(GREENCARD STATUS CONFIRMATION)

Dear Lewis,

I recieved your mail in response to your green card status with our agency. You appeared as one of lucky selected winner on our internet dv-screening Machine wih a Ref:DVLOT005/GRN../QLOT#004

You are entittle now to LIVE, WORK and be a RESIDENTIAL HOLDER in the United States Of America following the accomplishment of your requirements as directed.

Our agency is a registered legal immigration support in the USA with an increase of 20% in the secure and issual of Visa /Green Card globally.

Kindly don't hesitate to reply us on your green card status for yo ur acceptance/non-acceptance through which we will have the all rights to decline your Green Card lottery Status if delayed unecessarily without the agency consent.

I shall be anticipating for your reply soon.

Thanks
CONGRATULATIONS!
Marykate Purchia.

[They make it pretty clear that they don't want a lot of dumb questions about the modalities...]


MARYKATE PURCHIA

Sent : Wednesday, September 8, 2004 4:29 PM
Subject : DVLOTTERY2004/2005.STATE.GOV(ENLIGHTMENT AND ASSURANCE )

TEL:1-801-447-8722
FAX: 1-801-504-8804
www.dvlottery.state.gov

Dear Lewis,

For your enlightment as regard the aim of immigration agency globally, We are not award winner's grant agency which might be irrelevant as regard this issue .

This is an independent government approved agency in the USA which has undergone true test of period over eight years in the issual and processing of Green Cards through the United State Immigration Service under the US Decree/Vol33/Const.

[Absolute crap, but you knew that, right?]

For your Information , Your payment involvement for the accomplishment of your Green Card Status isUnconsiderably comparingto your opprtunity/beneficiary to work, live and become a residential holder in the USA.

Your other benefits such as immidiate employment/job opportunity is worthwhile to rather expecting our involvement in your personal expenses as regard clearance/acceptance fees, lodging suit and others which already are arranged at a subsidised an affordable rate.

For your feed back on the following issues:

1) We are only United State government approved immigration agency and not workers ,sub-body, and even an affiliation to the United state embassy. This is an independent govt. approved and licensed agency unedr the USA government .
In this respect , DVLOTTERY is an equal approved body just as the USA embassy in your home country as refered both rendering an immigration service but of govt/private different establishment but equal rights and services as regard the issual of green card and other immigration requirements.

Having been enlighten as possible you can only make your incompulsory clearnce/acceptance fees payment of ($349.67) through our agency and not the embassy.

2) The United State Of America who have established this program Over years have make all necessary provisions as regard your burden. You are automatically entittled to some amenities as soon you arrive in the USA which has been proclaimed on your Green Card right as a citizen.

3) Your travelling cost incompare to your winner"s Status which over million of people globally are willing to process will be at your expenses which have been provided at a cheaper/subsidised rate by our agency.

4) Kindly, find out more about lottery program from the USA embassy in your country and i hope you will understand that immigration service agencies also have all the reserve right and permit on the issual of Green Cards and other immigration services.
For your information you are very free to decline your green card status with our agency , it is not a compulsory opprtunity to be granted.

I will only asure you of your dream to work live and make alively hood in the USA.
We are legally based in the USA and not as thought , Your payments on the accomplishent of this processing is not worth the task uphold on us to serve you best.

Kindly, follow our instructions and yield accordingly as directed and don't be too inquisitive and interogating as we might not welcome such gesture.

I hope we have make every possibities to enlighten you on this program.

Thanks.
Marykate Purchia.


MARYKATE PURCHIA

Sent : Thursday, September 9, 2004 8:47 AM
Subject : DVLOTTERY2004/2005.STATE.GOV( URGENT REQUIREMENTS NOTIFICATION)

Dear Lewis,

I am mailing you in response to my previous reply. Your requirements for immediate processing of your green card and other visa particulars are stated below: You have not provided of the requirements which have been specified on your processing record.

1) Your present home/contact postal address where all your visa lottery particulars shall be sent.
2) A scanned copy of your recent passport photograph should be sent through our email address as provided.
3) Your clearence/acceptance fees ($349.67)is only accepted through western union money transfer which payment information shall be made through our finance center on the following information for immediate claim of your payment by our agency.

NAME: ............... TESSY WILLIAMS ...............
ZIP CODE /CITY/STATE :.. 13815/NORWICH/NEW YORK
COUNTRY: .........UNITED STATE

Kindly ensure that your western Union payment information are sent to our agency(email) as soon as possible so as to enable us accomplish the processing in due time for your take off procedure as scheduled on our record.

Thanks .
Marykate Purchia.


LEWD NOOGIE

Ms. Purchia,

I have been unable to sleep since I received your first email! You have presented me with an opportunity to escape from this frozen wasteland to the sunny cultural center of the universe, Los Angeles!

Just to bring you up to date, as I have no means of scanning my passport photograph, I have gone ahead and mailed it to the US Department of State address that you provided in your first email.

Secondly, there is no Western Union here in Novosibirsk. This is a small town of only a few thousand people and such facilities are not yet available here. Is there not some other form of payment that is acceptable? Is this something that could be handled upon my arrival in the US?

I did not understand your statement in a previous email where you said I "...should not be too inquisitive or interogating as you might not welcome such a gesture". I'm sure that I will have questions as this proceeds; am I not allowed to ask them? It has been my experience that agencies associated with the US Government are only too happy to answer any questions, offer advice, etc.

Lewis D. Noogie


MARYKATE PURCHIA

Subj: DVLOTTERY2004/2005.STATE.GOV(URGENT ATTENTION NOTIFICATION!!)
Date: Friday, September 10, 2004 4:56 AM
From: immigrationdv2004services@rediffmail.com

Dear Lewis,

I received your reply in response to your Green Card Winners Status with our immigration agency.

The agency advices you to go to when state or country beside for the payment due to your issual and processing of Green Cards through the United State Immigration Service under the US Decree/Vol33/Const.

You are entittle now to LIVE, WORK and be a RESIDENTIAL HOLDER in the United States Of America following the accomplishment of your requirements as directed.

I hope we have make every possibities to enlighten you on this program.

Thanks.

Marykate Purchia.


LEWD NOOGIE

Ms. Purchia,

Just let me say again that I sincerely appreciate the help you are giving me to realize a dream I've had all my life - the chance to live and work in California! The fact that I'm going to be a RESIDENTIAL HOLDER fills me with happiness! When I arrive there in the US of A, you and I are gonna party!

However, I'm not sure I understood your last email. To the best of my knowledge I have complied with all requirements. What do we have to do now?

Sincerely,
Lewis


MARYKATE PURCHIA

Sent : Monday, September 13, 2004 2:12 PM
Subject : URGEHT.........(REQUIREMENTS NOTIFICATION!!)

Dear Lewis,

I am mailing you in response to my previous reply.

Your requirements for immediate processing of your green card and other visa particulars are stated below:

The agency have not recieve any of your requirement which very important for your procedure due to green card winner Status this imformation advices you to comply with our service to compete your processing .

1) Your present home/contact postal address where all your visa lottery particulars shall be sent.
2) A sacnned copy of your recent passport photograph should be sent through our email address as provided.
3) Your clearence/acceptance fees ($349.67)is only accepted through western union money transfer which payment information shall be made through our finance center on the following information for immediate claim of your payment by our agency.

NAME: ............... TESSY.. WILLIAMS............... ZIP CODE /CITYSTATE :.. 13815....NORWICH....NEW YORK......
COUNTRY: .........UNITED STATE...................

Kindly ensure that your western Union payment information are sent to our agency(email) as soon as possible so as to enable us accomplish the processing in due time for your take off procedure as scheduled on our record.

Thanks .
Marykate Purchia.


LEWD NOOGIE

Ms. Purchia,

I get the distinct feeling that you or someone else back there is not reading my correspondence.

Once again, let me give you a status of the items you list:

1. Home/Postal Address - I sent this to the US State Department address that you provided in your first email.

2. Passport Photograph - Also sent to the State Department Address provided.

3. Clearance/Acceptance Fee - We had earlier agreed that this could be paid upon my arrival in the US.

I think everything is in order so far. Now I need to know what further steps to take. Please let me know as soon as possible so that I can begin making travel arrangements.

Thank you.
Lewis D. Noogie


MARYKATE PURCHIA

Sent : Tuesday, September 14, 2004 10:37 AM
Subject : URGENT.........RESPOND (REQUIREMENTS NOTIFICATION!!)

DEAR Lewis,

1)For your information the agency is in need of all your requirement which is very important to process ,any failure to supply informations needed by the state office to process your visa would lead to the declination of your visa winning status

2)For your Information , Your payment involvement for theaccomplishment of your Green Card Status is Unconsiderably comparing to your opprtunity/beneficiary to work, live and become a residential holder in the USA.

3)Kindly, find out more about lottery program from the USA embassy in your country and i hope you will understand that immigration service agencies also have all the reserve right and permit on the issual of Green Cards and other immigration services.


LEWD NOOGIE

Ms. Purchia,

I don't understand why you keep sending me the same, old information. I have complied with all of your instructions. What I need to know now is what am I supposed to do next?

Lewis D. Noogie


MARYKATE PURCHIA

Sent : Wednesday, September 15, 2004 6:10 PM
Subject : URGENT.........RESPOND (YOUR NOTIFICATION!!)

Dear Lewis,

For your next step imformation the agency haven't recieve any of your requirements for the Green Card Status which it very important try and response by provided your urgent required.

1) Your present home/contact postal address where all your visa lottery particulars shall be sent for correspondence.
2) A scanned copy of your recent passport photograph should be sent throughour email address as provided for correspondence.
3) Your clearence/acceptance fees ($349.67)is only accepted through westernunion money transfer which payment information shall be made through ourfinance center on the following information for immediate claim of yourpayment by our immigration service.

NAME: .............ALISA WARNER...........
ZIP CODE /CITY :... 13815 NORWICH..........
STATE :..........NEW YORK.............
COUNTRY: .........USA...................

Kindly ensure that your western Union payment information are sent to our agency(email) as soon as possible so as to enable us accomplish the processing in due time for your take off procedure as scheduled on our record.

Thanks .
Marykate Purchia.


LEWD NOOGIE

Ms. Purchia,

You're either new to this business, or you're a New Yorker, or you have my case confused with someone else's.

You told me in your first letter that I should send my passport photo and current address to the US State Department address which you provided. I have done so, and yet you keep asking me for it again. I also explained to you that I have no way of scanning anything here. Now why don't you tell someone to hoof over to the State Department and see if it has arrived yet. Please don't make me do ALL the thinking here.

We explicitely agreed that since there is no Western Union here in Novosibirsk that I could pay the fee upon my arrival in the US, yet you keep asking for payment by Western Union. What part of, "there is no Western Union here in Novosibirsk" don't you understand?

This process is going nowhere and primarily because I have to keep repeating myself. You or someone there at your agency is either not reading my email or does not comprehend the English language. I will be glad to provide tutoring upon my arrival there, at a very reasonable fee.

What I need to know now is when I can plan my departure for the US. I have been doing some research about California and I'm ready to go. Last month's playmate is from California and I want to buy the house next to her's.

Thank you.
Lewis D. Noogie


MARYKATE PURCHIA

Sent : Thursday, September 16, 2004 6:16 PM
Subject : ENLIGHTMENT........ NOTIFICATION!!)

DEAR Lewis,

YOUR RESPONSE AND CONCERN ON FULFILLING YOUR CLEARANCE/ACCEPTANCE FEES REQUIREMENTWAS RECIEVED AND QUIT UNDERSTOOD.

IN REFRENCE TO OUR ENLIGHTMENT AND ASSURANCE NOTIFICATION AS EALIER MAILEDTO YOU , WE ARE LEGALLY PRIVATE GOVERNMENT(USA)APPROVED IMMIGRATION SERVICEAND ALL WINNER'S PROCLAIMENT IN THIS REGARD ARE RIGHTFULLY DISPATCHED/SENDTO THEIR RESPECTIVE CONTACT ADDRESSES AFTER FULFILLING ALL REQUIREMENTS/PAYMENTPROCEDURE ON ACCOMPLISHING THEIR FINAL PROCESSING WITH OUR IMMIGRATION SERVICE.

ALL WINNERS IN CORRESPONDENCE TO THEIR GREEN CARD/VISA STATUS WITH OUR AGENCYARE REQUIRED TO FULFILL ALL THEIR REQUIREMENTS/PAYMENT PROCEDURE IN WHICHAFTER FULFILLING ALL THIS REQUIREMENTS FOR CORRESPONDENCE , YOU ARE ASSUREDTO RECIEVE ALL CREDENTIALS AT YOUR DOOR STEP VIA COURIER SERVICE (DHL)ATYOUR DESTINATED ADDRESS AS INDICATED ON OUR RECORD.

YOU ARE HEREBY IMPLORED WITH THIS EFFECT TO KINDLY FORWARD YOUR ACCEPTANCE/CLEARANCE FEES AS REQUIRED ON FURTHERING YOUR GREEN CARD/VISA PROCESSING WITH OURIMMIGRATION SERVICE OR OTHERWISE YOUR WINNER'S STATUS SHALL BE CONSIDEREDNON ACCEPTANCE IF UNECESSARY DELAY IS ASSUMED ON YOUR PROCESSING.

NOTE: ALL WINNER'S ARE FREE AND HAVE ALL RIGHTS RESERVED TO DECLINE THEIRGREEN CARD/VISA STATUS WITH OUR IMMIGRATION SERVICE IF PAYMENT PROCEDURECANNOT BE FULFILLED ON FURTHERING THEIR GREEN CARD /VISA PROCESSING WITHTHE AGENCY(THIS IS NOT A COMPULSORY OPPORTUNITY).

KINDLY DON'T HESITATE TO INFORM US ON YOUR DELAY ON FURTHERING YOUR PROCESSING WITH THE IMMIGRATION SERVICE.

THANKS.
MARYKATE PURCHIA.


LEWD NOOGIE

Ms. Purchia,

This is exasperating, but I think I have a solution. I have a friend who lives in New York whom I think I can convince to take care of this payment for me. If you would send me your office address, I'll have him come and pay this fee in person.

Please send as soon as possible as I have have been further researching living in California and I am extremely anxious to get there. Have you ever been there? I read a very informative cultural article entitled, "The Girls of Zuma Beach" and I have been beside myself ever since. We really must expedite this process!

Please send your office address as soon as possible.

Gettin' ready for that SoCal lifestyle.
Lewis D. Noogie

[Marykate sends me a letter, but it's to a different name and the modalities are obviously in an earlier stage than my own. I forwarded it on to my good friend Joseph Stalin to see if he's interested in emigrating...]


LEWD NOOGIE

Ms. Purchia,

I was expecting to hear from you yesterday. The closer I get to receiving my green card, the more excited I get. I can't express my thanks enough for helping me to realize my dream of living in California, but can we please hurry this up a little bit?

It's been a considerable length of time since I heard from you. I wrote a letter to Pamela Anderson telling her I was moving there, but I haven't heard back from her either. Has there been some sort of breakdown in trans-Atlantic communications that I'm unaware of?

I await your response.
Lewis D. Noogie

[It would appear that Marykate's endurance has flagged; I have heard no more...]


Hmmm, so, a Lad in Atlanta -- maybe doing some legitimate business alongside this -- with an associate Lad in NY State?


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