THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY

updated jan 10

Straight from the former Soviet Union to your doorstep, another tale of Lewd Noogie!

The Good: Lewis D. "Lewd" Noogie, International Hotel Consultant,

The Bad: Amed Camara, Refugee and Son of Aide-de-camp to Charles Tailor,

The Ugly: To Be Determined

and here he is...
The Ugly: Lamine Diop, the "barrister"

Scam-o-note: at some point Amed starts calling Lew "Alex" and mentioning some other project he (Amed) and "Alex" have going as "murphy" and "Rev hugh stuckman". If confused, just go with the flow as Lew did.

This lasted through the new year - on our way north to hunt the elusive Arctic Squid (a great beast who is the real reason why ice divers can't get life insurance) we took a side trip to the frozen wastes of Latvia and got an update from Lew.

AMED CAMARA

From : amed camara <amedcamara2000@yahoo.com>
Sent : Friday, December 3, 2004 10:38 AM
To : [A whole bunch of people. Amed did the cc-thing instead of the bcc-thing...]
Subject : urgent masseage
Received: from web52705.mail.yahoo.com ([206.190.39.156])

Mr. amed camara
C/o Eglise Uganda(methodist church ) Liberte Sicap 1,
Dakar Senegal.
00221 548 5178

Dear sir,

I know this mail will come to you as a surprise, nevertheless I am Mr. amed camara, aged 22 years, the Son of Major stephen johnson, Chief Security Officer and Aide-de-camp to the exiled president Charles Tailor of Liberia . As a result of the on-going problem in my country, I am saddled with problems of my ill-health of protracted diabetes and high blood pressure which is getting of increase in the recent times, more importantly getting a trust worthy individual abroad to receive the sum of US$7million and 15kg worth of Diamond on our behalf. Due to this war crises presently in my city Monrovia our home town, I managed to sneak myself and my only brother David 13 years of age out of Monrovia to Dakar senegal for safety. We were sneaked into Dakar Senegal through the land boarder by the help of some government militant group. After the killing of my husband by the rebels, we decided to come down here to Dakar senegal to secure the this deposit deposited here by my Father and to further look for a trust worthy individual abroad to receive these deposit which has being deposited here in Dakar Senegal before he was eventually killed by the heartless rebels. I feel confident therefore to introduce myself to you based on this problem and our present condition as all our foreign contacts and connections got lost during this crises, all properties burnt by the rebels. I am desperately in need to move and re-locate this huge deposit to your country for safe keeping as this is the only wealth remaining for the future survival and well being of my large family. For your percentage for assistance, a negotiable percentage will be discussed as soon as I receive your response based on this plea for your assistance as our lives are highly in danger due to this problem. I pray and plead for your help. You can email me back for further clarifications God bless you as you respond to my plea for assistance.

Sincerely yours

Mr. amed camara

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent : Saturday, December 4, 2004

Mr. Camara,

I am very sorry to hear of your plight but I fear this was sent to me by mistake.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie

AMED CAMARA

Sent : Tuesday, December 7, 2004

hello Lewis
it seems that you are afraid of my compliment there is nothing rong on it only if you can help me. meybe it will be your own lock.
am just looking for help

camara.

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent : Tuesday, December 7, 2004

Mr. Camara,

How exactly do you want me to help you?

Lewis D. Noogie

AMED CAMARA

Sent : Monday, December 13, 2004
Subject : treet urgent

Dear Lewis Noogie,

Thanks for your mail and the content is well undertood.sorry for not respods to your mail in time it was due to fasting and prayer that my church is doing since last week thats why i could not respond to your mail in time.how are you together with your family members,mean while all that i need from you mostly is for you to assure me that you will never betray us when this fund will be in your position.secondly you have to stand as my late father business partner so that the security company will recorgnize you first.i will like you to foward your full contact adress such as telephone and fax number so that i will go to the security company and inform them about my readyness and also introduce you to the financial controller of the security company for the onward transfer.moreover i will like to ask you if possible for you to come to dakar senegal so that me and you will go to the security company to transfer this fund to your country for my family future investment.because you know my statue as a refugee does not allow me to do such transfer thats why i needed your coopration,but if you can not make the trip to come down here in senegal which means i have to look for a lawyer that will stand for you as my late father business partner so that the security company will released the fund and the diamonds to your position.

i will like you to call me with this telephone number 00221-598-25-70, please if you call ask the guard of the refugee camp that you want to speak with camara but dont let the guard to know about this money and diamond because you know that my fathers enemy are still looking for me and my junior brother.

may allmighty lord be with you and your family.

hoping to read from you.
amed camara.

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Monday, December 14, 2004

Mr. Camara,

I was surprised to hear from you again. After no respods for so long I presumed that you no longer needed my help.

I'm afraid that we will have to restrict our communications to email for the time being. I am an international hotel consultant and I have an agreement with my partners that I will not engage in any financial endeavors outside of the partnership. We also have an 'open communications' policy, whereby they have access to virtually all of my communications with exception of this email address. As I do not want to jeopardize my position in the partnership, I must insist on strict confidentiality during this transaction. If I can work a way to set up a secure private phone I will do so in the near future.

I suppose it would not be out of the question for me to take a few days off and come to Senegal to meet with you. I must confess to not knowing much about the geography of Southeast Asia and I will take some time today to try and look your country up in my atlas. I am, however, a bit concerned about your statement that your father's enemy are still looking for you. I would hope that you can give assurances of my safety should I be able to make a trip there.

Please do me the additional favor of sending me a recent photograph of yourself. I can tell a lot about the character of a person from their picture. I would also like some more information about you and your brother. Is his statue also that of refugee? Where exactly are you living? Do you have any family other than him?

I await your respods.

Lewis D. Noogie

[All of a sudden I'm his uncle?]

AMED CAMARA

Sent : Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Subject : thanks and urgent responds

Dear Uncle Lewis,

Thanks for your responds to my mail and the content of your mail is well understand.please like i told you that my statue as a refugee does not allow me to go to the security company except you will come to dakar senegal or we have to look for a lawyer that will sign the nescessary documents in your favour.please i will like you to secure a new phone and fax number so that i will go to the security company and give your contact information to the financial controller of the security company for him to recorgnize you as my late father business partner,please uncle Lewis,mind you that i am following you with the name of lord because this money is the only wealth that our late father left for us. Here is my refugee camp adress.

no 22x25 medinna
dakar senegal
phone number 00221-598-25-70.

please i am assuring you that this fund will be in your position as soon as you direct me to get a lawyer that will help us or when you will come to dakar senegal.i will try to snap photo and sent you for you to know whom you are dealing with and i will also like you to send your photo so that i will know you too.

please the situation here in senegal is too difficult for me and my brother and we dont have any relation here so please try to bring out your mind to help us so that you will help me and my brother to invest this money in your country for a good profitable business of your choice.

thanks and may all mighty lord be with you and your family Amen.

yours family friend
Amed camara

[Lewd's abysmal knowledge of geography becomes more apparent...]

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent : Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Amed,

As I stated before, I don't have a problem coming there to Senegal but I do have concerns about my safety from your father's enemies while I'm there, which, I would point out, you failed to address. You see, Amed, I have somewhat of an aversion to having my lips sewn together and my head shrunk down to the size of an mandarin orange.

Just who are these enemies anyhow? If it was your father they were after, and they got him, then what's their beef with you? I don't want to have to spend every waking moment on the lookout for little short guys with blowguns and machetes.

In your first letter you mentioned you have worsening diabetes and high blood pressure. How are you holding up? Do they give you adequate medication in the refugee camp? Either of these can be a dangerous condition by itself, but I'm somewhat concerned that you have both.

I have been wrestling with myself as to how to ask you about something else that you mentioned in your first letter. You said that your 'husband' had also been killed by the rebels. Do you, uh, follow some kind of 'alternative' lifestyle that I should know about, Amed? Not that it makes any difference mind you. I'm a live-and-let-live, whatever-gets-you-through-the-night kind of guy. I just want to get something straight between us....., uh, ok, bad choice of words. What I mean is I don't want any of this touchy-feely crap if I come there to Senegal, agreed? No butt touching, no hand on my leg, no hugging, capish? I am a man's man, 148 lbs of two-fisted, rompin', stompin' hotel consultant and I only like chicks, ok?

By the way, where the hell is Senegal anyhow? I thought it was somewhere around Cambodia but I can't find it in the atlas. You guys aren't a province of India or someplace like that, are you? Give me a hint as to which country you're next to.

Ok, Amed, as long as we've got this all cleared up, tell me what we do next. By the way, my friends call me Lewd (short for Lewis D.).

Lewd

AMED CAMARA

Subj: treet urgent
Date: Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Dear Lewis Noogie,

thanks for your mail,All that i believe is with God all thigs are possible.like i told you this refugee camp does not suit my life style why i prefare to stay in this camp is because of my safety,like i said earlier that they people that kill my father if they know that i am in senegal they will come straight to collect my last inheritance that left by my late father.

note senegal is in west africa and the near by country is Gambia.

for my sickness the camp does not care about my sickness but with the influence of my pastor in church where i worship the pastor volutier his doctor to take care of me pending when i will be through with my fund then i will pay him.Please Lewis i will like to bear in mind that you dont have to fear in senegal because know body knows you here all you have to do is help me go to the security company and stand as my late father business partner where i want my fund to transfer to your country.

The next thing i want you to do now is for you to send your full contact adress such as telephone and fax number together with your account number and your house adress so that i will submit it to the security company for them to recorgnize you.If you can not come to senegal which means we have to look for a lawyer that will help me sign the retrieval documents on your behalf so that the fund will be trasfer to your account.
and i will like to ask you the kind of investment that we will invest in your country.
thanks and hoping to read from you.

yours Amed.

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Africa? Oh.

I told you my geography sucks.

Yeah, now I see Senegal. Ok, I can probably come there for a few days. How soon do you want to get this done? Let me know and maybe I can reschedule a few things.

I'm sorry to hear that camp living doesn't suit your 'lifestyle', but you gotta remember that a lot of guys just don't go that way. I am, however, glad to hear that your pastor is taking care of you. Medically speaking, that is.

Ok, Amed, I've indicated my bank account information below:

CITI Bank - New York
Swiftcode: CITI US33
Credit to Bank of Cyprus
Swiftcode: BCYPCY2N030
Favor; NOOGIE & ASSOC LTD
Account#: USD 0385-40-06-074094

I've already explained my situation as far as phone number and fax are concerned. Below is my official contact address. I maintain an apartment/office in the Bolshoi Huisos hotel there in Kiev.

Noogie & Assoc. Ltd.
c/o Hotel Bolshoi Huisos
10, Huisos Ulitsa
Kiev, Republic of Georgia

Ok, Amed, let me know what to do next.

Your pal,
Lewd

AMED CAMARA

Sent : Thursday, December 16, 2004
Subject : Thanks and pray for me.

Dear Uncle Lewd,

Thanks for your caring and i pray that lord will reward you Amen.Secondly yesterday i went to the security company to inform them about my readyness and i have also tell them about you submited your house adress to the financial controller and he told me that your telephone and fax number is neded too, And he try to let me know that they will be closing on 24 december till january 3, So uncle Lewd and i dont want to stay in this in senegal till next year.please i will be happy if you will just go buy your ticket and come down so that me and you will go to the security company for the transfer of this fund to your country,please brother my condition here in dakar senegal is not o.k,can you imagin that they serve us food just once a day and i dont even eat there food always things like this made me to remember when my father is alive.

Secondly i will like you to help me get a working permit here in senegal so that i will be at the airport to wait for you when you will arrive in Dakar Senegal. please brother try to get a phone and fax number so that i will send it to the company today as i promise the financial controller of the security company.

may all mighty God be with you .my younger brother says that i should send his gretting to you.

may the grace of our lord jesus christ be with you and your family Amen.

yours
Amed.

[The number is a Moscow Russian-language hotline number to call to find out where your car has been towed to...]

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Thursday, December 16, 2004

Amed,

I don't know if I can make it to Senegal before the first of the year. If you are in that much of a hurry maybe we should go with the lawyer.

I can give you a number where you can reach me but I'm afraid that a fax is out of the question. Use 7-095-964-8597. There is a brief recording, then an operator will come on and you can tell her you want to speak to me.

I'm unclear on the work permit you spoke of. Do you have to get a work permit just to get into the airport to meet me? What's up with that?.

Sorry to keep this so brief today but I'm late for a date with Olga, the East German massage therapist that works here at the hotel. I've been putting the moves on her since I got here and I think I'm finally making some progress. I understand you're not into that particular gender but I'll let you know how it goes.

Lewd

ps - I'd still like for you to send me a picture.

AMED CAMARA

Sent : Thursday, December 16, 2004
Subject : God bless

Dear brother Lewd,

Thanks for your mail,i will be going to the security company now to give them your phone number as i promised the financial controller yesterday.The working permit that i mean is not for me to look for a job but to allow me to move because you know that i am strainger with out that paper i can not move with confidence.to get this paper will cost me 175dollers,So brother i will like you to help me and my brother to get this permit because it makes us not to move around with confidence but i know that lord is on my side.

today i will try my best to take picture with my younger brother for you to know whom we are but this picture will come out in the next 4days.thats the procedure in africa.

Thanks and may God bless you.
Amed.

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Friday, December 17, 2004

Amed,

Good to hear from you again, my friend.

I am now pretty definite that I'm not going to be able to get to Senegal before the 24th of December so I would say go ahead and give your lawyer the go-ahead to get this transfer completed. I get daily updates on my account activity so I'll let you know when the money arrives and we can get you and your brother out of there.

I guess I should mention - I hope you and your brother don't mind cold weather. I thought you could come here to Latvia and stay until I finish up here at this hotel and then we can go back to Georgia together. You're gonna love that place - terrific wines, great food, beautiful women....... Oh, sorry, I forgot about your, uh, preferences. Anyhow, it's a great place to live.

You know, Ahmed, something occurred to me. I don't know how long you've been, how do I say this, 'batting for the other team', but there's a way we could try to fix that. Olga, the East German massage therapist here at the hotel has a younger sister, Oxnard, and when I mentioned that I had a friend that I was going to try to bring here from Senegal she was very, very interested. Oxnard is about 5'-3" tall, weighs in at a trim 350 lbs, hasn't had a boyfriend in a long time and every male over 10 years of age here in Novosibirsk has to carry pepper spray to keep her at bay. I don't know what sent you over to the other side, but trust me, Oxnard would bring you back. We'll have to explore this further once you're here in Latvia.

About this work permit - since we're going to try to get you out of Senegal before the first of the year, I wouldn't worry about it. By the time I get the money to you and you go through all the paperwork it will probably be August before you finally get the thing. Just hang on for a few more days, and make sure that you have an efficient lawyer who can get things done quickly. I think that's going to be the key.

How are you feeling these days? I'm very concerned about your health and I hope you're taking your blood pressure medicine like you're supposed to. You can't be too careful with a condition like that.

That's all for now. Keep me updated on your progress down there. I'm in my office every day so I'll look for something from you tomorrow.

Your pal,
Lewd

and on into the new year...

AMED CAMARA

Subj: plz the working permit is important.
Date: Saturday, December 18, 2004 10:28 AM

Dear Brother Lewd,

Please i will like you to verify the number that you gave to me because i try to speak with you on phone yesterday but the person that pick the phone does not speak english,hope this number is correct 7-0959648597.Now like i told you the work permit matters a lot for me and my brother so that i will be going with the lawyer to the security company and also follow up the transfer of the fund to your account.i have discuss with the financial controller of the security company Dr lambert Sambodo and i have send your full contact to them and also tell him that you can not make it to come to Dakar Senegal so he directed me to one berister lamine diop,And i went straight to the lawyer chamber and i gave your contact information to the lawyer and the lawyer try to let me know that before he will stand for me that i should bring my working permit so that me and him will go to court 111 to register the certificate of deposit first, so that the government of senegal will know that i am the person that retrieve my late father deposited fund.So brother i will like you to send me this small money so that i will be going to court with the lawyer.

how is your family hope all is well with you.say hi to all your friend pending when i will be with you in your country.

thanks and may lord bless you Amen.
Amed.

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Saturday, December 18, 2004

Amed, my good friend,

I'm glad I checked my mail one last time before quitting for the day.

I don't understand that why you weren't able to get ahold of me. The number I gave you is correct. What time of day did you call? It's possible that the hotel had Maria on the switchboard - she sort of speaks a little English but it's not very comprehensible most of the time. Or I think there's one other guy here who takes calls sometimes who only speaks Latvian. You can try again because if I'm here they can contact me anywhere in the hotel.

I'm still working at getting a private number but it's difficult to do here. I'll let you know as soon as I have it.

Amed, now that you're getting your first exposure to attorneys I had better give you a heads-up. These guys will tell you you need all kinds of things and they will tell you that you always need their help to get them. Well, that's horse puckey. Look, think about this for a minute. You're going to have to have identification to get the work permit, right? Trust me, the same identification can be used for registration of the certificate of deposit, which, by the way, I've never heard of before. Register a certificate of deposit with a court? This guy Lamine Dip (what kind of name is that?) sounds crooked to me. Keep your hand on your wallet whenever you're around him.

I have a fair bit of experience with the law. Tell Dip that you consulted with me and that I said your existing identification will work just fine. And be a little forceful with him.. This is my, I mean, our money we're dealing with here, not his. Or better yet, tell him to call or write to me and I'll sort him out.

I told Oxnard that you said hi to her and she almost swooned. She's already very anxious for your arrival and has promised to fix your little 'problem'.

Completely.

Keep me updated on your progress down there.

Lewd

[Ah, our first candidate for the 'Ugly' title...]

LAMINE DIOP

From : lamine diop <lamine_diopchambers@yahoo.com>
Sent : Saturday, December 18, 2004 5:08 PM
Subject : from the desk of lamine diop chambers.

Received: from web41908.mail.yahoo.com ([66.218.93.159])

Tellephone number 00221-592.05.09.
faxnumber +++002218924121........
Email lamine_diopchambers@yahoo.com
Kindly Attend,Mr Lewis,

Owning to inform you that i gathered from one mr Amed camara whom introduced himself as your business partner, on issue of obtaining a power of attorney to your favour to enable the security company here in dakar senegal to released the fund to your nominated bank account, this honourable law firm will act on your behalf as their foreign partner to receive the said fund from the security company with out any problem and also for any bank of your choice to wellcome the fund safely. I hereby state procedures and modalities to prepare such legal document to your favour.

1. I requested you to send your full recieving address, phone and fax numbers and your driver's license Number or your international passport number. This informations will help me to prepare the legal document and fax back all copy to you for you to sign your part and fax it back to my chamber.

2. US$,800USD This service fee include our official consultation fee With the above requirements in place, the legal paper will be ready within the shortest period of time and would be fax to you immediately. And for you to bear in mind that i will work on your behalf pending when the fund will be in your account for the ballance of US$,10.000 dollars should be paid as my job well done.i have let your partner here to know that before this tranfer will comence,i will go to court 3 to do the change of owner ship before submiting your particulers to the security company for the onward transfer. Secondly i have let him understand that his residential permit will help him to acompany me go to court 3 for him to sign his part so that the governmen of senegal will know that he is the person that retrieve his late father deposited fund,based on how his late father deposited this fund in the security company here in senegal.

For quick and urgent service, i advise you send the payment by Western Union Money Transfer, through my secretary name, Mr.obi kleein calveen. And do forward the payment informations to my email or by my fax number
.

Thank you as we are honoured to serve you.

Hon.Barrister lamine diop LLC .............................

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Sunday, December 19, 2004

Barrister Diop,

My partner Mr. Camara informed me that you would be contacting me. I'm glad to finally meet you.

Before we go further I do have some questions regarding this transaction:

1. I must admit I don't understand the necessity of court involvement. Mr. Camara is the legal owner of this consignment and it would appear to me that any transfer of ownership would be strictly between Mr. Camara and the security company. I would be very appreciative if you could explain the necessity of a court hearing. It seems like a completely unnecessary expense.

2. Mr. Camara and myself both question the need for a work permit to transfer ownership of this consignment. He will require identification to secure the work permit and we both feel that this is sufficient to prove his identity to the security company.

3. A total of $18,000 seems a bit steep for what will obviously require very little of your time and effort. When you provide me with your formal invoice I would appreciate it if you could give me a breakdown of your charges. I'm sure you understand that this will be very important for my tax purposes and any accountinng audits that I will face in the future.

I'm only in the office for a short time today but I will be in the hotel all day and will be paged should you call me.

I thank you and I await your response.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie

AMED CAMARA

Sent : Saturday, December 18, 2004 9:54 PM
Subject : have a nice weekend. Dear Brother lewd,

Thanks a lot for your coopration and i pray that lord all mighty will reward you.i have told the lawyer that you want to speak with him and he promised me that he will reach you today,So brother i will like to know if you have heard from the lawyer.
brother i hope Oxnard speaks english,tell her to stay at the airport on our arival day.Secondly i always pray to God to make you remember me when this money will be in your account because this money is my family last hope of which i handed every thing in your hand and in Gods hand.

God bless you.
Amed.

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Sunday, December 19, 2004

Brother Amed,

You devil, you! I told Oxnard about you wanting to meet her at the airport and she has been beside herself ever since! I've never seen her this way! How can just a couple of words in an email do this to someone?? Amed, the first thing we're gonna do when you get here is sit down so you can tell me some of your secrets about handling women. This has got to be some kind of African voodoo thing, right?

And don't worry about not being able to communicate with her. Oxnard has her own way of 'communicating' and it involves very little talking. Get my drift? You might as well start considering yourself hetero, my friend.

I did hear from the lawyer and it's just as I suspected. We're gonna have to watch this guy close. He's telling me that this is going to cost us $18,000 to pull off! 18 thousand just for him to get a couple of pieces of paper?? The times that you met with him, was he wearing a mask and holding you at gunpoint?

Word up, Homes. Just between you and me, I don't mind us paying whatever is fair but this guy is trying to kill the goose. I know you don't have a lot of experience with his type but I do, so let me deal with Barrister Diop. If you have to go to court with him or something like that, go ahead, but try and have as little contact with him as possible. AND DON'T GIVE HIM ANY MONEY UNTIL YOU TALK WITH ME FIRST!! One thing that business partners do is watch each other's backs and believe me, I'm watching yours. I'm not going to let you lose anything on this, my friend.

I've asked the good barrister a few questions and I'll let you know what his response is. Remember, try to avoid a lot of contact with him.

Your pal,
Lewd

LAMINE DIOP

Date: Monday, December 20, 2004 1:54 PM
Subj: from the desk of lamine diop chambers.

Attention,Mr Lewis,

For us not to waste our time, why this consignment will be register in the high court of justice here in dakar senegal is because late mr cammara register this consignment in the court for the court to know that such consingnment can not be released from the security company direct with out going to court and register the withdrawal form and the chief justice will endursed before the security company will released such consignment to the Right full beneficiary,And based on how deposit was made. due to not when the consignment have been released to the beneficiary he have know right to come and disturb the security company.

stamps and my consultation fee which is 800.dollars.
going to the court to get the government clearance certificate which will back this fund will fax to you first after when my fee is confirm,and fax for you to hold, so that any bank in the world will wellcome this fund with out any problem . the total charge that will be cost is 10.800dollars not 18.000.dollars.

Because i will be here to work for you and make sure that this fund will be transfer to the nominated account that you will be provide,and their will be a change of ownership in your favour so that this fund will be directly transfer to your country or you can come .o.k.

your partner has a refugee assylum i.d that is not enough for him to sign his part thats why he need to have a residential permit to attach with the refugee i.d card.

Thanks
Hon.Barrister lamine diop LLC .............................

AMED CAMARA

Sent : Monday, December 20, 2004 6:49 PM
Subject : forgive and forget.

Dear Brother lewd,

may lord all mighty be with you and lord will bless you according to his wishes.
first of all i dont see any where i have offended you because i dont know Oxnard you are the person that introduce me to her and i know that when i will come to your country is you that i know and what you tell me is what i will do,So brother i am allways believe that God will let you to remember me when this money will be in your account.i have not do this kind of transfer before and i know that you are caperble to help me just bring out of your mind any money that you spent will be ballace to you and you are going to invest this money into a good profitable business of your choice.pls brother remember me when this money will be in your account.i will not tell the lawyer about our discusion except you direct me to him.just tell Oxnard to forgive me if i offended you or her just forgive and forget and see what the lord has kept for us.

Thanks and may lord bless you.

yours brother
Amed.

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Brother Amed,

If I gave you the impression I was offended by something I apologize, as this is certainly not the case. On the contrary, both I and Oxnard, especially Oxnard, are very excited about your coming here. She's walking around with that glazed look in her eyes of a woman in love. Of course she also dips into the vodka bottle every once in awhile so sometimes it's hard to tell the difference.

And don't worry, I'll tell you exactly where to put your money.

I heard again from Diop and I got him to come down in his price from $18,000 to $10,800. If I push him a little more I think I can probably get this whole deal done for under $3,000. I told you, I know how to handle these slippery legal types.

He did manage to confuse me on one issue - he says you need a residence permit, while you say you need a work permit. These are two very different documents, neither of which I think you really need. Please find out exactly what it is that you think you need.

Also please scan and send me a copy of the original certificate of deposit that was given to your father. I want to be sure that I have a copy of that on file.

Ok, I have to get a letter off to Diop. I'll keep you informed on what happens from this end.

By the way, you need to go to the nearest Latvian embassy and arrange for a visa to come here. It doesn't take long to get one but it's best to go ahead and get that done.

Your pal Lewd

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Barrister Diop,

I was very relieved to see that your initial fee has come down to $800. That strikes me as much more reasonable.

As I understand that your offices are closed between 24 December and 3 January and I am pushing as hard as I can to get this completed before the 24th. I am awaiting some paperwork from my partner Mr. Camara and I also need you to scan and send me your formal invoice for payment. As soon as I have these documents we can discuss payment arrangements.

I should ask - will you be completely out of touch during the holidays? I will be working virtually evey day (no rest for a hotel consultant) and we could probably accomplish a lot if I can still reach you through your home computer. Or if you have anything to discuss you can always call me here at the hotel.

I await your response.

Lewis D. Noogie

LAMINE DIOP

Subj: from the desk of lamine diop chambers.
Date: Tuesday, December 21, 2004 10:30 AM

Dear Lewis,

good morning my friend,when i read your mail i went to the Modern and Assets Security company to verify on how this fund would be transfer, i have a long discussion with the financial controller of the company name Dr lambert Sambodo he told me that they will not work on 25 and 26 but him will be on leave till january 3 he now call his asistance and introduce him to me incase that hes not around.For me i will be here to work every day ,i have no rest so i will be feeding you all the information that reqire towards this transfer.i have try somany time to give you a call and know one pick the phone .

i have sent you how you can pay the 800 dollars so that i will go to court and pay charge for the withdrawal form and court clark will endursed and chief jurge will sign before i will send this to the security company for the retrival.

i will advice you to send this money today so that this transfer will be made as soon as posible but always remember your partner. send your particulers that i reqested from you too .
like i am here to serve you best.For quick and urgent service, i advise you send the payment by Western Union Money Transfer, through my secretary name, Mr.obi kleein calveen. And do forward the payment informations to my email or by my fax number .
Thank you as we are honoured to serve you.

Hon.Barrister lamine diop LLC .............................

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Barrister Dopi,

Good to hear from you as always sir.

I'm so relieved to hear that you will be working during the holidays. Apparently I misunderstood Mr. Camara's email on the subject. I have doubts about us being able to finish up by the 24th of December and I don't want to see this drag out any longer than necessary.

As I mentioned in my email earlier today my partner and I are prepared to make the initial payment of $800 upon receipt of your formal invoice and I also await a document from him. I'm sure you understand the importance of this if you've ever had to deal with accountants and I'm sure you have. I would be most grateful if you could please scan and send it to me.

I'm very surprised to hear that you've tried to call me and no one picked up the phone. If this is the case then someone in this hotel is going to have their ass in a sling. This is the very kind of thing that I was brought in to fix and I appreciate you bringing it to my attention. Sometimes it seems that no matter how many times you lecture someone on something it just doesn't sink in until you have to fire someone to set an example. Thank you again.

Lewis D. Noogie

AMED CAMARA

Subj: Thanks and God bless you.
Date: Tuesday, December 21, 2004 12:07 PM

Dear Brother lewd,

thanks for your mail and i keep on praying for lord wish towards this transfer of our fund to your country bank account.i will like you to discuss with the lawyer about the working permit so that he will help us to get the rightful one that he will use for the transaction.For the Deposit documents that covers this fund i have send it to the security company together with your full contact adress that you gave to me,so i will like you to discuss with the lawyer so that he will go to the security company and send you the certificate of deposit.i will go to the embersey as you said when the lawyer give me the working permit.Pls brother i have put everything in your hand and in Gods hand.

Thanks And may you be bless and send my greting to your family .

Yours brother
Amed.

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Brother Amed,

Amed, trust me, you don't need any kind of permit for what we're doing here. You're passport will work better than any temporary permit that they give. Passports are the best form of identification there is, all over the world.

I'm waiting to hear back from Diop and as soon as I do I'll let you know.

I know you requested that Oxnard be at the airport when you arrive but I've had to re-think that scenario. There are some pretty stringent public decency laws here in Latvia and I can see a whole passel of 'em being broken if she gets her sweaty hands on you at the arrival terminal. No, we better introduce you two back at her apartment.

Your pal,
Lewd

LAMINE DIOP

Subj: from the desk of lamine diop chambers.
Date: Tuesday, December 21, 2004 12:30 PM

Attention,Mr lewis.

i am very happy to serve you during this transfer of money to your country and you will apprecite my job because i am well know here .you are the person that is holding this transfer send your full particullers information which i reqested from you and my consultation fee so that it will enable me to make sure that i am your appointed lawyer that is working for you.Have you met a lawyer before why are you looking for a proformal invoice ?.All you need to do for now is to get a credit book and enter your expences that will occure during this transaction so that you and your partner will agree on one thing.

just call me for more information that you will need.

Hon.Barrister lamine diop LLC .............................

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Barrister Diop,

I've been sitting here trying to convince myself that you're joking and I have come to the conclusion that you are not. I must confess to being somewhat speechless.

Mr. Diop, I have worked with lawyers, attorneys, barristers and whatever other titles that you legal people care to call yourselves, all over the world. To a man, they all bill their clients by invoice. My question to you is have you ever worked in the business world? From your response to my reqest for a formal (not PROformal) invoice I would guess not.

Mr. Diop, let me explain this to you. An invoice is a statement from you, the barrister, to me, your client, stating how much money is owed and for what. It is on your office letterhead and is signed by yourself or someone else in your office who has signature authority. When my accountant asks me what I paid this $800 for I have to show him an invoice. I can't show him something I wrote down in a credit book, and I can't show him an email from you. I have to have an invoice. And after you receive payment I shall also expect a receipt from you.

This is common business practice all over the world, even in Senegal. Look at it this way - if you go into a nice restaurant there in Dakar, you order a meal, the waiter writes down what you want, he brings it to you, and you eat it. At this point you owe them money. You ask the waiter to bring you your check or your bill. You are actually requesting an invoice, a statement of what you owe. The waiter brinks you your check and you can see what your paying for and how much your paying for each dish. After you give the waiter money you can then ask for a receipt. Simple, no? So please provide me with your invoice at your earliest convenience so that I can make payment arrangements.

I also take exception to your statement that I am holding up this transfer. Once I receive your invoice I will make payment arrangements immediately. Any delay can only be put on yourself.

In addition, Mr. Camara also informs me that he has handed over to you the original certificate of deposit given to his father. I will also require a copy of this document as well.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Brother Amed,

I think we have a problem my friend. This barrister Diop is an idiot and we're going to have to replace him. If we're going to get you and your brother to Latvia quickly we're going to need someone with a little more experience than this guy Diop has. Is he just out of law school? I think you and I might be his first clients because he doesn't even know what an invoice is. We don't have time to explain the abc's to some rookie ambulance chaser.

Do this - go back to Mr. Sambodo at the security company and see if you can get him to recommend somebody else. Or better yet, have Mr. Sambodo call or write to me and I'll get him to recommend someone.

Also go back to Diop and get all of your documents back from him. He won't be needing them anymore. I'm going to get a note off to him tomorrow telling him that we're going to replace him.

And let me know if he gives you any problem.

Lewd

LAMINE DIOP

Sent : Tuesday, December 21, 2004 11:57 PM

Attension Mr Lewis..

Thanks for your letter that you wrote to me,pLEASE my chamber is not looking for job not for you to stand where ever that you claim that you are.you want me to sent you my invoice because i am here to serve you,where is the contact information that i reqested from you so that i will know whom that i am working for,i have call the number that you claim to be yours the person that pick the phone does not even know you.How will i know if you are not planing to steal this young man,s money.listen very carefuly if you are not ready to pay my consultation fee i am not going to do any work for you.if you think that i am not able to do your work pls kindly look for another person.

please my friend the certificate of deposit is not in my office,it is in the security company and i have gone through the documents with the financial controller waiting when i receive what i reqest from you,before i will proceed.Mind you my office is never market place where you can bought goods with receipt,i am very happy for how people regard me.if your Authurney their bill you by invoice,My own pattern is not the same with yours ok.

Hon.Barrister lamine diop LLC .............................

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Barrister Idop,

So you don't bill by invoice, eh? Well riddle me this, Batman - how exactly DO you bill clients? And why would the certificate of deposit be at the security company?? I presume you did keep a copy of it, right? God protect us from incompetent lawyers!

I'm sorry Mr. Idop, but I find it necessary to relieve you of your duties regarding this transaction. Both my partner and myself find your performance to date less than adequate and we have decided to turn elsewhere for assistance.

Thank you for your time and minimal assistance and rest assured that should there ever be proposed an international competition for most odious barrister, you need have no fear of the outcome as far as Latvia is concerned. You have my support.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie

AMED CAMARA

Sent : Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Dear Brother Lewd,

Thanks for your mail and the content is well understand.

Brother i dont have international passport now because when this problem started in my country i lost my passport thats why i stay in the refugee camp.I will go to the security company and deliver your message as you tell me.Brother i dont fell fine here why not you come to dakar senegal so that we will go to the security company,l thank God that the deposit information is not in his office,it is in the security company.

Pls as soon as you finish with the lawyer as you said try to tell me so that i will send your message to them.

yours brother.
Amed

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Amed, my dear brother, HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY SIMPLE ON ME?? YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU DON'T HAVE A PASSPORT??

Amed, when you told me you were going to go to the Latvian embassy to apply for a visa, what were you planning on using for identification there? YOUR JENNIFER LOPEZ FAN CLUB CARD?? Jeez, first that idiot lawyer and now this! How do you guys EVER get anything done in that country?? HOW DID YOU THINK YOU WERE GOING TO GET TO LATVIA WITHOUT A PASSPORT??

Ok, I'm calm now. I'm calm.

calm

NO I'M NOT!! AMED, DID YOU TELL MR. SAMBODO TO CONTACT ME? I DIDN'T RECEIVE ANY CALLS OR EMAIL FROM HIM!! PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN'T FORGET!! GO AND SEE HIM TODAY AND TELL HIM TO WRITE OR CALL ME!! I MEAN IT!!

Brother Amed. Look, we have to stay focused here. I'm the one who has the experience with these things, so I'm the chief. I need you to be my eyes and ears there in Dakar. You have to be alert to do your part, so no more late nights in the leather bars or wherever it is you're hanging out these days. Got it?

Next issue - we have to get you a passport. There is a Liberian embassy in Dakar, right? Go to them and tell them you lost your passport and need a replacement. It won't cost you anything and they can do this sort of thing quickly.

Amed, this thing is all dicked up but we can still save it if we work together. You have two tasks today - tell Mr. Sambodo to contact me and go to the Liberian embassy to start the process on a replacement passport. Get back to me and let me know that you have completed both of these tasks today.

Lewd

LAMINE DIOP

Sent : Wednesday, December 22, 2004 10:07 AM

Attension Mr lewis.

my office does not bill by invoice,me and my client reach an agrrement after i receive my consultation fees.how do you think that i will have a copy of the certificate of deposit with me when you have not comply with my reqest. i am about to suspect your movement why cant you call me so that i will recomend you.

if you are not ready to pay my consultation fee i am not going to do any

work for you.if you think that i am not able to do your work pls kindly stop mailing me.

have a nice day

Hon.Barrister lamine diop LLC .............................

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Barrister Idop,

You may well be able to conduct business there in the villages and hamlets of Senegal using backward business practices from the dark ages but out here in the rest of the world it doesn't work that way.

I cannot pay your fee until you invoice me for it. If I am audited and have nothing to show for why I paid you, or anybody else, $800 then I am in trouble. So if you don't want to invoice me for your fee then we have nothing further to discuss.

Lewis D. Noogie

AMED CAMARA

Sent : Wednesday, December 22, 2004 10:30 AM
Subject : yours brother send my greeting to your family.

Dear Brother Lewd,

Iam just coming back from the security company and i was their when the financial controller try to call you but the number is not o.k,he now started to ask me qestion that i dont like,you know that i have introduce you to him as my late father business partner where i will like my fund to transfer for my family future.you dont even care about me dont you know that before i will come to lativia i have to be here to make sure that this fund is in your account so that you will send me money to prepare my papers..Secondly i am getting tired of you,i think i have to look for some body else that will help me,Dr lambert Sambodo says that he does give his email adress,but he will still call you again as he said.think if you will come here because i am tired of staying here..

Yours brother Amed..

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Amed, my brother, get a grip. What is this crap you're writing now?

There's nothing wrong with my telephone number. I have been periodically been checking with the operator and they have said that I have had no calls today.

How can you say I don't care about you?? I told you, your gender preference doesn't make a bit of difference to me as long as I'm not the target of your affection. And secondly, who has been trying to protect you from that sheister barrister?? ME, THAT'S WHO!! And this is the thanks I get.

I have heard nothing from Dr. Sambodo. No calls, no email, no carrier pigeons, nothing.

I have an idea. I am just too busy right now to come there to Senegal, but how about if I gave Oxnard my power-of-attorney and send her down there? This is a great idea now that I think about it. You two could meet, take care of the transfer, and then she could take care of you. Not necessarily in that order.

Let me know what you think. I'll talk to Oxnard tonight to see if she wants to go but I know she'll jump at the chance.

Get back to me tomorrow.

Lewd

LAMINE DIOP

Sent : Wednesday, December 22, 2004 2:55 PM

Attension Mr lewis

pls can you call me so that i will exactly know your problem.When you go to the market to bought goods;did they give you invoice before you pay.

send me my consultation fees then i will give your partner the receipt or you can send your fax number so that i will fax you the receipt; when i have confirm the money.

today is 22 december so try and send me the money so that i will work for you the way you will appreciate.

thaks as we are here to serve you better.
Hon.Barrister lamine diop LLC .............................

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Thursday, December 23, 2004

Barrister Idop,

No, when I go to the market to buy something they do not give me an invoice. However, anytime, anywhere I contract for professional services, they DO invoice me. I guess that raises the obvious question, are you a PROFESSIONAL service?

Look, it's obvious to me that while these backward business practices of yours may serve well in someplace like Senegal, they will not work out here in the real world. This is an international transaction we are involved with here and if you cannot conform to common international business standards then my partner and I have no use of your 'services'

Have a nice day.
Lewis D. Noogie

AMED CAMARA

Sent : Wednesday, December 22, 2004 11:14 PM
Subject : i will be glade to see oxnard.

Dear Brother lewd,

i will be happy if you send oxnard to Dakar so that me and her will go to the security company and see the financial controller.i my self i try to call you after the financial controller ask me if i am sure that you are my late father business partner,i try to call you and i believe that you are around when i call ask your girls they will tell you if i call and what i said.my younger brother is now having malaria because of the enviroment that we are staying now,what are you doing to me,please try to send oxnard so that i will even know her,please do you really want to help me please do you want to help me.

thanks and may lord be with you and oxnard..

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Thursday, December 23, 2004

Brother Amed,

This is great! I talked with Oxnard last night and she is beside herself with excitement. She said of course she'll come to Senegal to see you!

It's going to take a little time to put this together. We have to arrange a flight for her, which means we're looking at buying two business class seats (she won't fit into one). This is going to be a bit on the expensive side but I think it's worth it. I don't even know which airlines fly into Dakar.

Can you tell me Amed, will Oxnard need a visa to get into Senegal? I don't think Senegal has an embassy or consulate in Latvia, so if she does need a visa we'll have to send her someplace where she can get one first.

I heard from Idop again. I tell you brother, that moron should not be anywhere near a law office. He doesn't even begin to understand the basics. It's exasperating just to correspond with him and I should bill him for the Business 101 lessons I've had to give him, even though he flunked the course.

Let me know about the visa today and we'll get started on putting this together.

Your pal Lewd

[I can't screw around with this guy for the entire Latvian holiday season. Better make an excuse to be out of touch for a couple of days...]

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Thursday, December 23, 2004

Brother Amed,

I forgot to mention that I may be out of contact for a day or two. One of the groundskeepers here at the hotel found giant footprints in the forest behind the hotel and he thinks it's a sasquatch. A sasquatch is a big, hairy creature that walks on two legs and if that's what it is we have to go out and hunt it down before it hurts any of the hotel guests. I'll let you know as soon as I'm back.

By the way, when she gets there to Dakar I think Oxnard is gonna show you something big and hairy but it sure ain't no sasquatch! You better double up on those blood pressure pills!

Lewd

LAMINE DIOP

Sent : Thursday, December 23, 2004 12:16 PM

Attenntion Mr lewis,
What kind of beign is in you.you want me to invoice you and i dont even have your credential to know whom you are.please if you are not serious you better forget about this transaction.because i have no time to waiste.and dont even write me again except you forward your full contact adress so that i will know you in person.
thanks as we are here to serve you better...
Hon.Barrister lamine diop LLC .............................

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Thursday, December 23, 2004

Barrister Diop,

As I have explained to you before, my partner and I are involved in a cross-border transaction, one involving a fairly large sum of money. Your unfamiliarity with something so basic as invoicing convinces me that you are not the individual that we need to successfully conclude this transaction.

I no longer harbor any delusions that you might have any knowledge of the basics of international transactions. After all, this is the kind of information that is usually hidden in books. I also appreciate the fact that you have no time to waste learning these basics, while I myself do not have the time to teach them to you. I would, however, strongly recommend that unless you intend to keep your law practice on the level of arbitrating disputes between villagers over the ownership of water buffalo or the patent rights to arrow poison formula, you take the time to look into some rudimentary commerce courses at your local adult school.

My partner has all of my contact and banking information which I'm sure he would have passed on to you. The Finance company already has this information as well.

I am sending my representative there to Dakar to assist Mr. Camara in a number of ways, not all of them pertaining to this transaction. As I'm sure you are aware, he suffers with a gender orientation condition which I am confident my representative will be able to correct. She will also help him bring this transaction to completion.

I'm sorry, Barrister, but if you don't want to be a team player it's better that you head for the showers (but not with Camara!) and let the first string win this game.

Sincerely,
Lewis D. Noogie

AMED CAMARA

Sent : Thursday, December 23, 2004 10:09 PM
Subject : thank God for oxnard.

Dear Brother lewd,

i am happy to hear that oxnard will be coming to Dakar Senegal. i dont even know if she will need a visa or not but i pray that lord will show her the best way to come to dakar senegal,but brother lewd how should i know her if she comes i will like you to send her photo so that i will know her when she arrives.mind you i can not go to the airport to wellcome her because i dont have working permit,and i will like you to send me 350 dollers so that me and my junior brother will get our working permit ready before oxnard will arrive in senegal.

may lord be with her and you .

yours brother
Amed..

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Friday, December 24, 2004

Brother Amed,

You're lucky I caught this before I headed out. As I mentioned in my last email, I will probably be out of touch for a couple of days while we're out hunting for that sasquatch. I've got an old WWII surplus anti-tank gun that I'm carrying with me to cap that sucker and I was up all last night cleaning it. Only problem is that I'm down to my last 5 rounds of 20mm and it's getting really hard to find those these days. I'm just gonna have to get him with the first five rounds I guess.

Oxnard is researching visas for Senegal and I've asked my admin assistant Wanda to help her arrange flights. I've given Wanda your email address and she will let you know when they have everything sorted out.

Amed, I still don't understand this work permit thing to get into the airport. This sounds like the kind of crap that idiot Idop would feed you. You don't need a work permit to go to the airport. Nobody at the airport cares if you're working or not. What you should be doing is getting another passport instead of wasting your time on work permits.

Besides, I have no idea how I would get the money to you. Do you have a bank account that I can do an online transfer to?

Well, I'm off. Wish me luck and good hunting and I'll get in touch with you when I return.

Your pal Lewd

By the way, you won't have any problem recognizing Oxnard, trust me. She'll be the one that looks like a giant beach ball rolling out into the arrival area. Just remember what I said and don't get within her reach there at the airport.

LAMINE DIOP

Sent : Friday, December 24, 2004 10:20 AM

Dear Lewis,

if you are sending your representative i will like be involve so that your representative will tell you the kind of person that i am after he will see my job well done.

right from the day i of your mail,i really under stood that you are not a resposible person thats why i pretend to act to you like that.you are talking about your informations that you send to your partner the onworking telephone number and onexisting accout number,and you are proud of it,simply send your particulars together with your international passport so that i will have a file on your name.

hoping to serve your representative.

Hon.Barrister lamine diop LLC .............................

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Friday, December 24, 2004

Barrister Idop,

While it is true that I am sending my representative (a 'she', not a 'he') to complete this transaction, as I told you before, your involvement is no longer required. I don't know how to say this to make you understand but we require someone with a bit more knowledge of how business works outside of Senegal.

And you can forget about trying to get any kind of fee out of her. She does what I tell her to do and as I told you many times before, no invoice, no fee. Sorry, that's just the way these things work.

By the way, I went back through my file of previous email from my partner and he informed me that on Saturday, December 18, he gave you all of my information on the first day he went to your office. Somehow I am not surprised to know that you either lost it or don't remember receiving it. If a simple task such as this is beyond your capabilities then you certainly do not have what it takes to manage a alrge

international fund transfer. Thanks but no thanks.

Lewis D. Noogie

AMED CAMARA

Sent : Saturday, December 25, 2004 8:25 PM
Subject : happy xmas

Dear Brother lewd.

Thanks for your mail and i wish you and oxnard happy xmas.i have gone liberia embersey to know the cost of international passport the conseller told me that it will cost me 405 dollars and it will take 4days after i have paid them the money.Now working permit is just for me to move around the country senegal so brother i wish it will be very best for me to have a passport.

please brother i will like you to send this money with this name Mr ikechukwu Mba he is the supervisor in the refugee camp where we are staying.

May lord be with you and oxnard.
Amed

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Monday, December 26, 2004

Your lucky I got your last email as soon as I did. I had to come back to the hotel to get another gun 'cause I used up all my 20 mike-mike. I thought I had that damn sasquatch in my sights a couple of times but you should see what an anti-tank round does to a cow! And it's amazing how closely a cow resembles a sasquatch out there in the woods. Anyhow, the hotel management is insisting I use something a bit smaller and they also scheduled an appointment with a local optometrist before they'll let me go back out. Got a lot to get done today.

Amed, my brother, we better get something straight right now. There is no way that a passport is going to cost $405! No Way! If a passport cost that much, nobody would own one. Give me a break, Amed.

Look, I don't mind you trying to hose me a liitle bit on some of these costs, but let's not get carried away. It's the same thing with this work permit thing. You and I both know that they don't cost $170. It's the same situation - if they cost that much, nobody would have one.

My secretary Wanda is setting up flights and hotel for Oxnard to come down there. I don't know how far along they are with arrangements because they're not here in the hotel today. I've given Wanda your email address and told her to let you know in case I'm not back. By the way, she knows nothing about our transaction.

I'll contact you when I get back.

Lewd

[What does it take to scrape this barrister off???]

LAMINE DIOP

Sent : Sunday, December 26, 2004 12:43 PM

Dear Mr Lewis

First of all i wish you happy christmas;

So my friend if your reprentative comes and pay me my consultation fee and i will give him receipt so that she will sign her part.you said your partner send your unkown telephone number why cant you call me;i have try so many times to call your so contact that you are proud that is in my office and dont have any good responds that you are the real owner of the number that you are claiming to be yours.

give your representative my telephone number to call me when she will arrive dakar
hoping to serve your representative better.

Hon.Barrister lamine diop LLC .............................

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Monday, December 26, 2004

Barrister Ipod,

You are one of the most exasperating individuals I've ever had the pleasure of dealing with.

Let me explain this one more time - we can't use your help. You just don't have the experience to pull something like this off and your contribution todate has been nil. Zip. Nada.

My representative who will be coming to Senegal shortly has strict instructions from me not to contact you or associate with you in any way or fashion. I have tried to explain to you innumerable times that your refusal to provide an invoice has excluded you from this transaction. We will be obtaining the services of someone with the savvy and international experience we need.

There is no longer a need for you to call me or for me to call you. I'm sorry but you and I have nothing further to discuss.

Lewis D. Noogie

AMED CAMARA

Sent : Monday, December 27, 2004 10:57 PM
Subject : happy xmas

Dear Brother lewd,

I will like to ask you if you really want to help me or not? How can i be sure of you that you are willing to help me towards this money,mind you that you are the one that ask me to look the cost of passport,what do you think that 405 dollars is what of me that is going to transfer 6.5million dollars to your country,just send this small money so that i will get my passport and get out of this refugee camp.do you think that i am not more than 405 dollars,look let me tell you if you are not ready to help me you better tell me so that i will look for another person,mind you i have made fasting and prayer because of this transaction beetween me and you and God review it is you that is going to help me but you are not care about me and my younger brother who is sick now.just bring out your mind and help me or you better tell me so that i will look for another person because i dont want to be waisting in this refugee camp had it been that my father is still alive do you think that i will have your time.just tell oxnard to come fast so that we will transfer this money to your country.think about me and my brother we just hope on you but my younger brother use to cry everytime says that you are not care about us.

here is the number of our embersey 221-5101079 pls if you call ask them the price of the passport so that you will know if i am telling you the truth.just call them ask them that you want to speak with ikechukwu mba.or you dont want me to see oxnard when she arrives to dakar senegal just help me first and get the passport ready so that i will be in the airport to wellcome her,mind you that any money that you spent must be ballance to you as soon as you received this money into your account.

Thanks and may lord be with you and oxnard.
from murphy.

[Murphy?? Who the hell is Murphy??]

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Amed, my good friend, I think you need to do some explaining before we take this thing any further.

When you first wrote to me you said we were trying to move $7 million and 15 kg of diamonds, and now you tell me it's down to $6.5 million. What happened to all the rest? Surely you couldn't have spent that much in a refugee camp! Who's running that refugee camp, Club Med?? I hope you didn't give it to that idiot lawyer Odip. Where is all the money going? Where are the diamonds?

Secondly, you just told me a couple of days ago that Ikechukwu Mba is the supervisor of the refugee camp - now he works for the Liberian embassy?

Thirdly, why are you now signing your email as 'Murphy'?

Listen my friend, I have been going through a lot of trouble to get Oxnard set up to come to Senegal. This trip is going to cost me a lot of money, and you need to remember that there are a lot of people here trying to help you. But you're not being honest with me. These work permits and passports just don't cost as much as you say they do. At the very least I should be able to expect complete honesty from you.

Everything that I've done for you has been based on my trust in you. You have not shown me any documentary evidence that the shrinking pile of money or the disappearing diamonds actually exist.

If you think that after all this you want to find someone else to help you, let me know and I'll cancel Oxnard's trip to Dakar.

I await your response.

Lewd

[Now things get really confused. Seems that Amed/Lamine has completely lost track of who he/they are dealing with...]

AMED CAMARA

Sent : Tuesday, December 28, 2004 11:47 PM
Subject : happy xmas

Alex why do you like to do this to me always,
but is me murphy and you Rev hugh stuckman happy xmas you can still do my xmas for me through western union ok. bye for now.

amed

[Might as well try to go with the flow...]
LEWIS D. NOOGIE as "ALEX"

Sent: Thursday, December 30, 2004

Amed,

didn't mean to do that, xmas already sent western unioin.

Alex

LAMINE DIOP

Sent : Wednesday, December 29, 2004 11:26 AM
Subject : from the desk of lamine diop chambers.

Dear Alex,

thanks for your attitude you always make me to spend the little one that i have.happy xmas rev hugh stuckman.is me murphy kanji try to give me your direct telephone number so that i will call you direct one american mugu to you for us to treet,forgive me for what happen before and i pray suchthings will not occure again.

yours friend

ohafia

LEWIS D. NOOGIE as "ALEX"

Sent: Thursday, December 30, 2004

Dear Ohafia,

don't worry about, it all forgiven. send me american mugu.

happy xmas
Alex

[Seems that Amed has finally figured out that the transaction has run off the tracks...]

AMED CAMARA

Sent : Tuesday, January 4, 2005 9:37 AM
Subject : fock uuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

it seems that you have stated using peoples playing here in dakar. dont ever you try to write me again.

amed

[but I'm pretty sure that he's not serious...]

LEWIS D. NOOGIE

Sent: Tuesday, January 3, 2005

Amed, my brother, is this how you talk to your main man?? Here I'm trying to find out if you want the beautiful Oxnard to come down there to Senegal to help you get your money and diamonds and this is the response I get??

I'm going to overlook what I'm sure is a momentary lapse of judgement on your part and ask you again - do you still want Oxnard to come out and play?

You pal Lewd

[Now Lamine, on the other hand, doesn't seem to have caught on yet...]

LAMINE DIOP

Sent : Monday, January 3, 2005 12:58 PM
Subject : RE: from the desk of lamine diop chambers.

Dear Alex pls give me your number so that i will call you and we discuss first

happy newyear
ohafia

[I have GOT to learn how to write in mugu...]

LEWIS D. NOOGIE as "ALEX"

Sent: Tuesday, January 3, 2005

dear ohafia number disconnected no money now. give me the amrcan mugu to treet.

Alex

[The light evidently has com on for Lamine, for I hear no more from him, and Amed's one-word response pretty much sums this transaction up...]

AMED CAMARA

Sent : Wednesday, January 5, 2005 11:25 AM
Subject : RE: fock uuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

419

scamorama
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