Welcome back to Bradley Morrihan, cheerful outback larrikin, star of such adventures as NIGHT OF THE STUPID DEAD LIVING CORPSE and ARE YOU WITH ME OR NOT?.
Bradley springs from the hive-mind of Eliza Dane, Mal Reynolds, Mick Taylor et al., who have graced this site many times.
Conniption: a fit of violent emotion, such as anger or panic (origin unknown)
Scammers whose first language is French are trying to rip off a maga whose English is pretty bad...
recipe for disaster? You bet!
WESTERN UNION plays a role, to no-one's surprise, and Babelfish translation systems are also heavily involved.
Let's get this show on the road... the LOTTO MAIN ROAD!
My limited French isn't really needed for this bit.
LOTO NATIONALE ("LOTTO MAIN ROAD")
12 March 2009
Bonjour Mme / M, Nous vous contactons par cette présente pour vous informer que vous êtes l'un(e) des heureux(e) gagnant(e) de la loterie promotion internet LOTO NATIONALE.Ceci n'étant donc pas un spam ni un virus, veuillez trouver en fichier joint vos différents numéros gagnants et la somme que vous avez gagnez. Pour entrer en possession de votre lot, veuillez adressez exclusivement par email un courrier à l'huissier de justice chargé de la remise de votre gain. CABINET D'ÉTUDES JURIDIQUES DE MAITRE MARCELO LLIPI Email: cabinetmarcelo_llipi@hotmail.fr TEL:+225 66 99 67 59 FAX:+225 21 36 39 65 Cordialement. LOTO NATIONALE Bradley Morrihan
Just so you know - Brad transposes vowels, doesn't use apostrophes, and doesn't like full stops (if you don't like run-on sentences, too bad).
Sir
I dont understand French, only English, I think there was something abuot a lottery, plaese write to me in English and put me right. Regards, Bradley Morrihan I cc'd "MAITRE MARCELO LLIPI" (a lawyer) LOTO NATIONALE ("LOTTO MAIN ROAD")
Well, the Lads definitely got to work with Babelfish here, as the irrelevant (E)s and the rendering of LOTTO NATIONALE as LOTTO MAIN ROAD indicate. ... and the bit of untranslated French...
16 March 2009
Hello Mrs./Mr, We contact you by this present you to inform that you are one (E) happy (E) winner (E) of the lottery promotion Internet NATIONALE.Ceci LOTTO not being thus a spam nor a virus, want to find in attached file your various numbers winners and the sum which you have gain. To enter in possession of your batch, please exclusively address by e-mail a mail to the bailiff in charge of the handing-over of your profit. CABINET OF LEGAL STUDIES OF MASTER MARCELO LLIPI E-mail: cabinetmarcelo_llipi@hotmail.fr SUCH: +225 66 99 67 59 FAX: +225 21 36 39 65 Cordially. LOTTO MAIN ROAD LOTO NATIONALE ("LOTTO MAIN ROAD")
They attached a word document adding more details and written in Babelfish English, and a PDF in French.
National lottery for the Promotion of the Internet and the safeguard of its benefits
CONGRATULATIONS!! CONGRATULATIONS!!CONGRATULATIONS!! Hello: Miss/Mr. Your enamel has just been drawn on more than 3000 enamel which was withdrawn on several various meeting places. What means that you are the winner 367me of the 3rd batch who's your n¡ number is 196-635-C great NATIONAL free TOMBOLA LOTTO of the Season 2008-2009. We are in partnership with several sites of meeting and several countries African and European. Here the schedule of the lots 1st batch a voyage (in South Africa) + hébergement in the fashionable district +100 000€ 2nd batch the sum of an amount of 85,000 € 3rd batch the sum of an amount of 70,000 € 4th batch the sum of an amount of 50,000 € NB: The pulling of the e-mails was carried out by a bailiff under the aggregation of a lawyer. Information sheet which you must fill and join to your message and contact the bailiff to the addresses: Enamel: cabinetmarcelo_llipi@hotmail.fr Such: 00225 67 13 10 66 So that you are in possession of your profit: PLEASE FILL THIS FORM Name: First name: Country: City: Postcode: Fixed: Permanent portable: Activity: E-mail: Further information on you: PLEASE FILL THIS FORM Different possibility of withdrawal from batches for this season 2008-2009, the withdrawal of the batches will be done in Africa precisely in Ivory Coast. With interviews on several African television channels or if you are very distant from this country, your batch will be transmitted to you in your country by check or transfer. Cordially LOTTO MAIN ROAD Marcelo Llipi
And now it's the lawyer's turn.
18 March 2009
Good evening to you very expensive (E) award-winning (E) has, We summons today Wednesday, March 18, 2009 and I address this message to you to get information that since February 20th, 2009 you received an eminent message of my cabinet concerning your profit of the lotto main road. I would as fast as possible like to have your news so that I can set in motion the procedure of withdrawal of your batch of 70,000 € because I have my report has to return to the leader of the lottery concerning the award-winnings because they consider an interview with each award-winning. Thank you to answer me as soon as possible. Master MARCELO LLIPI Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
I dont know where yuo got that detial abuot Febraury 20, I didnt haer from yuo until this month, and something else, yuo siad to fill in a form, well thats fine but there are a few things I dont get, like what are "Fixed" and "Permanent Portable"? Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
19 March 2009
Good evening Mr Bradley, I received your message and I excuse myself for time that I put before you to answer. For your information, you were to choose in this year 2009 for profit from a sum of 70,000 €. Summon which was offered to you by a NATIONAL structure named LOTTO. And pulling took place this year in Africa. You are thus the lucky winner of the sum of 70,000 €. For the withdrawal of your profit you must follow the procedure which I show and I would ask for the effort to you of fill out all eminent document of my Cabinet. You must to start to fill the form which is below concerning information that you do not have: you mark quite simply no!! Name: First name: Country: City: Postcode: Fixed: Permanent portable: Activitée: E-mail: number of number: Thank you to fill it and to as quickly as possible send it to me. I you formless that we wasted too much time in this part of the procedure. In waiting as of documents Master MARCELO LLIPI Bradley Morrihan
Since the lawyer didn't answer the question,, I decided that Brad read Fixed and Permanent Portable as referring to houses and caravans.
Mr Llipi,
I didnt waste any time here, yuo did, by sending me emials in a langauge I dont know, so stow the blame game, all right? Name: Bradley Mark Morrihan First name: Bradley Country: Australia City: Alice Springs Postcode: 0870 Fixed: Yes Permanent portable: No Activitée: No E-mail: 196-635-C number of number: bradleyxxxxx@xxxxxxxxxxxxx.com Over to yuo now, I geuss! Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
20 March 2009
Hello Mr Bradley, I received information that you sent to me. I would like to know by which fashion of payment would like to receive your profit. It has to say by check or credit transfer. Thank you to answer me as soon as possible so that I can mean it the bank has so that it can establish the steps of withdrawal of your profit. Cordially Master Marcelo Llipi Attached was a PDF of the rules - in French. I chose to ignore it. Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
Its Mister Morrihan not Mr Bradley, remember that, and yuo can send the money to my bank, cheqeus are bloody annoying, get back to me. Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
Brad's English gets the better of the lawyer, as I hoped it would; he sets himself up for a slap.
24 March 2009
Hello Sir MORRIHAN, I received your message and your wishes to receive your profit by bank check. Also I excuse myself for all time of silence but I was spirit to legalize certain documents with the LOTTERY and the Justice of Dimension-of ivory so that the bank can establish your check. And so far I hold has to inform you that the bank has establishes the check and even as I am in the possession of check and now I inform you that the LOTTERY is disengaged has to ensure the expenses which will be useful has to send your check to you because she says too much to have had problem with the various authorities thus she tien has what all award-winnings come to recover his profit has the ceremony of handing-over of the prices but in the case or it would be in impossibility of going its check there will be sent to him by a company of fast mail whose forwarding costs will be has the load of the award-winning. I hope to have myself to render comprehensible. You in part the copy of the check and its letter of authenticity. I have also price attaches with the companies of forwarding fast mail and you have in lower part various services which they make: Since you cannot come, I can you advise to send it by the means of services fast mail. 1. UPS mail express services (€ 75.00) 2. FEDEX mail express services (€ 80.00) 3. DHL mail express services (€ 100.00) I would like that you choose yourself one of the services of fast mail, classified according to their expenses of service: Please choose one of the services of fast mail enumerated above, also you must note and imperatively to include the insurance charges which rise has € 510 to ensure your check in the event of all unforeseen circumstances or of loss by our cabinet. All in all, the expenses which you owe paid are the expenses the sending of your check and the insurance charges of the check. Leaves against considering the deadlines, we suggest you making your payment by TRANSFER WESTERN UNION what will make it possible to my accountant to withdraw them the same day in order to quickly finalize your file and to deposit your check a service of fast mail for the immediate sending. INFORMATION ON THE WESTERN UNION TRANSFER Recipient of the transfer The accountant of the Cabinet Mr. Gbougouri Lega Didier Angel 10 BP 768 ABIDJAN 10 14 RUE PAUL LANGEVIN, ZONE 4C DESTINATION: IVORY ABIDJAN-COTE While waiting to perceive your payment, we ask you to receive our best greetings. MASTER MARCELO LLIPI Bradley Morrihan
A slap is delivered.
Mr Llipi,
I never siad I wanted a cheqeu, I siad I wanted the money sent to my bank, striaght to my accuont, so forget the bloody cheqeu, Ill send that form, and next time yuo can pay attentoin, and whats this abuot "since yuo cannot come", well yuo never actaully asked if I could come there, so not happy Marcelo! Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
That gets a grovel, which is always good.
25 March 2009
Hello Sir, I acknowledge receipt of your mail and I hold has to excuse me near you for misunderstanding. I believed to understand that you wish to receive your profit by check. You do not have a concern has to make you has prone because this 'is a small concern I inform the bank of it and the lottery of problem and the check will be cancelled at once. As held that you wish to receive your profit by credit transfer the bank need for the copy of your bank statement will have so that it can establish the transfer of the 70,000 € on your account. Thank you to send to me the copy of your bank account number so that I can transmit them the bank has so that it can establish the steps of procedure of transfer. Please still excuse me for misunderstanding. Master MARCELO LLIPI Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
At laest we claered that up, Im still surprised you got the idae I wanted a cheqeu, but anyway, my Commonwaelth Bank accuont number is B641937424MM, so get that money moving plaese. Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
28 March 2009
Hello to you Sir has, I received your mail and I once more ask you to excuse yourselves for this bad comprehension of our share about the mode of reception of your profit. But I inform you has new that you do not have a concern has to make you the bank already gave the order of cancellation of the check. As I would like to say to you as you know that we summons spirit to do what is necessary so that things faces within the shortest deadlines but I have as the impression which you put too much time before answering or to do what we ask you. I inform you that we do not have enough time because the ceremony of handing-over of the prices will take place very soon and we will need at the same time as the other award-winnings your testimony. I will transmit all his information as of Monday morning has the bank so that it is given the responsability to carry out the credit transfer. Thank you for your comprehension. Master Marcelo llipi Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
Its not my fualt if yuor timings gone bad, yuo wrote to me in French, wuoldnt give me translatoins unless I pushed yuo, and then only on the third go, so stop yuor whinging, and whats this stuff abuot testimony anyway? Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
30 March 2009
Hello Sir, I address this message to you to get information. I deposited your files has the bank so that it can carry out the transfer of the 70,000 € on your bank account. As it meant me as it will contact you to give you more details on the transfer of your profit. Thank you for your comprehension. Master MARCELO LLIPI Constant Kablan
The Banker Lad arrives, and obviously he hasn't been told about the language barrier.
30 March 2009
standard chartered bank SIéGE SOCIAL : 23 BD DE LA RÉPUBLIQUE, 17 BP 1141 - ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE SOCIÉTÉ ANONYME AU CAPITAL DE F CFA 2 000 000 000 - RC 48869 TEL: (00225) 66 99 67 59 FAX : (00225) 21 262 739 s.standardcharteredbank@ymail.com A VOTRE ATTENTION MONSIEUR BRADLEY MARK MORRIHAN Je réponds au nom de M. CONSTANT KABLAN Directeur des Transferts Internationaux STANDARD CHARTERED BANK CI Je prends contact avec vous en effet pour transférer votre gain crédité au fichier correspondant à votre Numéro de matricule est 196-635-C portant sur la somme de 70.000 EUROS (Soixante Dix Mille Euros) conformément aux traités 25 et 27 signés entre LA LOTO NATIONALE , d'une part et notre institution d'autre part selon le mode de transfert privilégié par virement bancaire. En effet les formalités juridiques et administratives inhérentes à votre gain ayant été parachevées par la LOTO NATIONALE et sur instruction conjointe de M. AKE Benoit, Directrice des Opérations de la LOTO NATIONALE et sous la supervision du SERVICE NATIONAL D'AUDIT (SNA), le transfert de vos fonds d'un montant de 70.000 EUROS (Soixante Dix Mille Euros) est sur le point d'être effectué aprs votre donation sur votre Numéro de compte IBAN: B641937424MW ***CONDITIONS GÉNÉRALES DU TRANSFERT DE VOTRE GAIN*** 1*** Nous tenons à vous préciser que votre gain est enregistré ici sur la mention "compte bloqué", il ne peut donc y avoir de mouvement tant qu'il n'a pas été transféré. Par ailleurs les frais de transferts composés de taxes bancaires s'évaluent à Mille Euros ( 1000,00€ ) et qui reste à votre charge et ne peuvent être déduit préalablement de vos fonds conformément à la loi sur la vérification des comptes et transferts internationaux du 12 Aožt 1983. Cette mesure n'autorise pas mon institution à prélever un seul centime sur les avoirs des bénéficiaires de cette loterie en dép™t au sein de notre banque. Par voie de conséquence à procéder aux transferts de votre gain, lorsque vous vous acquitterez de cette taxe. Cette clause est sous la responsabilité de M. Comptable, contr™leur et auditeur général à (SNA). Dans votre intérêt et dans le souci d'optimiser cette démarche, vous devez procéder au paiement des frais le plus rapidement possible, vu que nous voudrions entamer la procédure de transfert demain. Sachez que ds réception du montant des frais de transfert, Nous procderons en accord avec le S.N.A en toute diligence au transfert de l'intégralité de votre avoir de 70.000 EUROS (Soixante Dix Mille Euros). ***COMMENT RÉGLEZ VOS FRAIS DE TRANSFERT*** 2*** Sachez que dans le souci de respecter ces clauses nous liant avec la Ç S N A È.. Nous n'encaissons pas vos frais de transferts et l'encaissement de vos frais est du ressort du SERVICE NATIONAL D'AUDIT par des réseaux de transfert par mandat express (WESTERN UNION) au sein de nos différentes filiales bancaires. Nos Banques étant reliées les unes aux autres par un réseau informatique, et surtout pour que le lauréat rencontre aucune difficultés pour le virement de leur frais de transfert, vous avez la possibilité d'effectuer le transfert via Western Union, à votre portée aux noms et à l'adresse du comptable commis à la t‰che par La Ç S.N.AÈ. C'est l'une des mesures qui, tient compte de la réalité géographique du lauréat. **INFORMATION POUR TOUT ENVOI DES FRAIS VIA WESTERN UNION** CABINET D'ÉTUDE JURIDIQUE DE MAëTRE MARCELO LLIPI HUISSIER ACCRÉDITÉ Ë LA LOTO NATIONALE NOM : Gbougouri PRÉNOM : Lega Ange Didier ADRESSE : 20 BP 1105 ABIDJAN 20 cocody Boulevard latrille ABIDJAN PAYS: COTE-D'IVOIRE VILLE: ABIDJAN Tel : (225) 48 56 86 55 Fax :(225) 21 36 39 65 2) Ds que vous effectuez le virement via mandat cash (WESTERN UNION) de vos frais à l'adresse de L'huissier Maître MARCELO LLIPI, veuillez l'informer. Sachez que quelque soit votre banque, vos frais de transfert nous parviendrons sans difficulté et rassurez vous que cela n'affecte aucunement le transfert de vos fonds dans son entire Totalité. Vous avez toutes les références et coordonnées pour le rglement de vos frais de transfert. Dans l'attente d'une confirmation de votre part, veuillez recevoir mes respectueuses salutations. Directeur des Transferts CONSTANT KABLAN Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
Some bank just wrote to me in French, well I CANT SPAEK OR RAED FRENCH, I told yuo that before, why didnt yuo tell them it had to be in English!? Bradley Morrihan Constant Kablan
01 April 2009
standard chartered bank SIéGE SOCIAL : 23 BD DE LA RÉPUBLIQUE, 17 BP 1141 - ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE SOCIÉTÉ ANONYME AU CAPITAL DE F CFA 2 000 000 000 - RC 48869 TEL: (00225) 48 56 86 55 FAX : (00225) 21 262 739 s.standardcharteredbank@ymail.com WITH YOUR ATTENTION MR BRADLEY MARK MORRIHAN I answer in the name of Mr. CONSTANT KABLAN Directeur of the International Transfers STANDARD CHARTERED BANK Ci I contact you indeed to transfer your profit credited to the file corresponding to your Number with number is 196-635-C bearing on the sum of 70,000 EUROS (Sixty Ten Thousand Euros) in accordance with the treaties 25 and 27 signed between the LOTTO MAIN ROAD, on the one hand and our institution on the other hand according to the mode of transfer privileged by credit transfer. Indeed the legal and administrative formalities inherent in your profit having been completed by the LOTTO MAIN ROAD and on joint instruction of Mr. AKE Benoit, Director of the Operations of the LOTTO MAIN ROAD and under the supervision of the National service Of AUDIT (SNA), the transfer of your funds of an amount of 70,000 EUROS (Sixty Ten Thousand Euros) is about to be carried out after your donation on your Account number IBAN: B641937424MW ***GENERAL TERMS OF THE TRANSFER OF YOUR PROFIT *** 1 *** We hold to specify you that your profit is recorded here on the mention "counts blocked", it cannot thus have movement there as long as it was not transferred. In addition the expenses of transfers made up of banking taxes are evaluated with Thousand Euros (1000,00€) and which remains with your load and cannot be deduced beforehand from your funds in accordance with the law on and the international transfer auditing of accounts of August 12th, 1983. This measurement does not authorize my institution to take only one centime on the assets of the recipients of this lottery in deposit within our bank. Consequently to carry out the transfers of your profit, when you discharge this tax. This clause is under the responsibility of Mr. Comptable, controller and general listener with (SNA). In your interest and with the aim of optimize this step, you must carry out as soon as possible the payment of the expenses, considering which we would like to start the procedure of transfer tomorrow. Will know that as of reception of the amount of the expenses of transfer, We will proceed in agreement with the S.N.A in all diligence to the transfer of the integrality your to have of 70,000 EUROS (Sixty Ten Thousand Euros) *** HOW REGULATE YOUR EXPENSES OF TRANSFER*** 2 *** Will know that with the aim of respect these clauses binding us with "S NR WITH". We do not box your expenses of transfers and the cashing of your expenses is spring of the National service Of AUDIT by networks of transfer per fast mandate (Western Union) within our various bank subsidiaries. Our Banks being connected the ones to the others by a data-processing network, and especially so that the award-winning encounters any difficulties for the transfer of their expenses of transfer, you have the possibility of carrying out the transfer via WESTERN UNION, with your range with the names and intended for accountant made with the task by the "S.N.A". It is one of measurements which, takes account of the geographical reality of the award-winning. **INFORMATION FOR ANY SENDING OF THE EXPENSES VIA WESTERN UNION ** LEGAL CABINET OF STUDY OF MASTER MARCELO LLIPI USHER ACCREDITED WITH THE LOTTO MAIN ROAD NAME : Gbougouri FIRST NAME: Lega Ange Didier ADRESSE : 20 BP 1105 ABIDJAN 20 cocody Boulevard latrille ABIDJAN PAYS: COTE-D'IVOIRE VILLE: ABIDJAN Tel : (225) 66 99 67 59 Fax :(225) 21 36 39 65 2) As soon as you carry out the transfer via mandate cash (Western Union) of your expenses intended for the usher Maître MARCELO LLIPI, please inform it. Will know that some is your bank, your expenses of transfer we will arrive without difficulty and reassure that at all does not affect the transfer of your funds in its whole Totalité. You have all the references and coordinates for the payment of your expenses of transfer. In waiting of a confirmation of your share, please receive my respectful greetings. Directeur des Transferts CONSTANT KABLAN Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
This is from the bank, its not much claerer, even in English, plaese give me the one-paragraph versoin of what they want. Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
The lawyer's Babelfish lets him down again!
01 April 2009
Hello Sir, I received your message and I come by this message to give you more details concerning the message than you received bank. Into clear the bank informs you that it received your files for the transfer of funds on your bank account coming from the lotto main road and it explains you why you must pay expenses of rising transfer has 1000 € is equivalent has 1,323.50 $. Thus by preoccupation with a time the bank requires of you to make the transfer of the 1,323.50 $ by Western Union in the name of their dispach rider of which here information: LEGAL CABINET OF STUDY OF MASTER MARCELO LLIPI USHER ACCREDITED WITH THE LOTTO MAIN ROAD NAME : Gbougouri FIRST NAME: Lega Ange Didier ADRESSE : 20 BP 1105 ABIDJAN 20 cocody Boulevard latrille ABIDJAN PAYS: COTE-D'IVOIRE VILLE: ABIDJAN Tel : (225) 48 56 86 55 Fax :(225) 21 36 39 65 PS: You must send by e-mail the copy of your bank account number (bank account number) Master MARCELO LLIPI Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
Thats fine, but what the bleu blazes are they on abuot with this "preoccupatoin with a time", are they in a hurry or something? Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
This is one of the few times that this Lad has actually told the truth. Let's savour the moment.
01 April 2009
I received your message but I do not follow you at all I does not understand anything but said you to me. Bradley Morrihan
It can be fun to "correct" their spelling.
Mr Llipi,
I was qouting the bank, when they siad, "Thus by preoccupation with a time the bank reqiures of you to make the transfer of the 1,323.50 $ by Western Unoin in the name of thier dispach rider", what do they maen by "proeccupatoin with a time"? Bradley Morrihan Bradley Morrihan
Let's try for a bank account to close down.
Mr Kablan,
Ive had yuor message explianed to me, plaese send me detials of a bank accuont to sent the fee to. Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
Nope, he doesn't answer the question.
02 April 2009
hello Mister I continuation have your message. I send information to you ask. what the bank requires these of you to carry out one transferred which ensure the expenses of transfer of your profit of 70,000 euros and by preoccupations with a time she will want that you to carry out this transferred by an agency from transferred money (western union) you go has a post office and to ask you has to carry out one sends. NAME : Gbougouri FIRST NAME: Lega Ange Didier ADRESSE : 20 BP 1105 ABIDJAN 20 cocody Boulevard latrille ABIDJAN PAYS: COTE-D'IVOIRE VILLE: ABIDJAN Tel : (225) 48 56 86 55 Fax :(225) 21 36 39 65 PS: You must send by e-mail the copy of your bank account number (bank account number) Master MARCELO LLIPI Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
Ive told the bank my accuont detials, and if yuo think Im giong to pay a banks fee by Western Unoin, mate yuo are draeming, Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
OK, now this is true gibberish. Babelfish has an epic fail.
03 April 2009
Received: Friday, 3 April, 2009, 9:16 AM Hello After reading of your message J have unite constant Mister kablan the bank manager finally D to have more information. It my to inform that you L have to contact by e-mail and it have to give D explanation more to you. It my to as inform as the time so that your transfer is effective is Monday exceeds this time there will be penalties thus take care to carry out transferred as of today finally that Monday as it to say it to me he can transfer your to have. As soon as you carry out transferred take care m to inform finally that I draw take care of the good progress of your transfer. I also inform you that J did not receive yet the copy of your statement D identity banking finally D to have more D information so that the bank can transfer your to have of 70,000 euros on your account without any problem Master marcelo llipi Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
For Gods sake find somoene who knows English, I dont have the fiantest idae what yuo maen, theres something abuot penalteis but I dont know for sure, and then theres something abuot Identity Banking, plaese claer this up, Im too bloody confused! Bradley Morrihan Constant Kablan
This is a little bit clearer, but not by much, and the line "well has you" still has me wondering what should have been there.
03 April 2009
standard chartered bank SIéGE SOCIAL : 23 BD DE LA RÉPUBLIQUE, 17 BP 1141 - ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE SOCIÉTÉ ANONYME AU CAPITAL DE F CFA 2 000 000 000 - RC 48869 POSTE TEL: (00225) 48 56 86 55 FAX : (00225) 21 262 739 s.standardcharteredbank@ymail.com Hello Mister morrihan I thank you for your message and informs you that your file was to deposit here for a long time by Marcelo Master finally that your transfer is effective on your account. Cher Mister I tien has to inform you that you must pay 1000 euros for the expenses of transferred from your profit of 70,000 euros offered by the lotto main road according to the law in force. This being please do what is necessary today finally that Mondays we can carry out your transfer to exceed this time I inform you that it will have penalty. Well has you Directeur des Transferts CONSTANT KABLAN Constant Kablan
They've lost some ground in the translation, but they still know how to ask for money by Western Union.
03 April 2009
standard chartered bank SIéGE SOCIAL : 23 BD DE LA RÉPUBLIQUE, 17 BP 1141 - ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE SOCIÉTÉ ANONYME AU CAPITAL DE F CFA 2 000 000 000 - RC 48869 POSTE TEL:(225) 48 56 86 55 FAX : (225) 21 262 739 s.standardcharteredbank@ymail.com Mister With regard to the penalties I inform you that since your lawyer your file deposited and we have to establish a check and then cancelled we it continuation has an error. Now we must proceed to a transfer and ask that you forwarded to us the copy of your bank account number and that you balance the expenses of transfer finally to be able to transfer as soon as possible. You must send this sum by the Western Union agency because if you to proceed by transfer that will take far too much time please thus carry out the transfer in the name of: ** HOW REGULATE YOUR EXPENSES OF TRANSFER*** 2 *** Will know that with the aim of respect these clauses binding us with "S NR WITH". We do not box your expenses of transfers and the cashing of your expenses is spring of the National service Of AUDIT by networks of transfer per fast mandate (Western Union) within our various bank subsidiaries. Our Banks being connected the ones to the others by a data-processing network, and especially so that the award-winning encounters any difficulties for the transfer of their expenses of transfer, you have the possibility of carrying out the transfer via Western Union, with your range with the names and intended for accountant made with the task by the "S.N.A". It is one of measurements which, takes account of the geographical reality of the award-winning. **INFORMATION FOR ANY SENDING OF THE EXPENSES VIA WESTERN UNION ** LEGAL CABINET OF STUDY OF MASTER MARCELO LLIPI USHER ACCREDITED WITH THE LOTTO MAIN ROAD NAME : Gbougouri FIRST NAME: Lega Ange Didier ADRESSE : 20 BP 1105 ABIDJAN 20 cocody Boulevard latrille ABIDJAN PAYS: COTE-D'IVOIRE VILLE: ABIDJAN Tel : (225) 48 56 86 55 Fax :(225) 21 36 39 65 Directeur des Transferts CONSTANT KABLAN Bradley Morrihan
Brad stands firm.
Mr Kablan,
Im not responsible for Mr Llipis mistakes, I never asked for a cheqeu, so thats not down to me, and I sent yuo my bank accuont detials days ago, yuo cant have lost them, check the prevuios messages and yuoll find it, one more thing, yuo siad abuot taking too much time, whats that got to do with it, just send me an accuont to send the fee to. Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
Bloody hell - he told the truth again! (Just the first paragraph)
03 April 2009
Hello Sir, I received your message. Will know that me even I am not too gifted in English. But I will make the effort to help you. If the bank requires more information of you on your bank account it is because information that you communicated to them is not sufficient to establish the transfer on account. Since the LOTTERY requires that each award-winning perceive his profit in integrality, it has to subscribe a frozen account has Standard Chartered International Bank what means that it is impossible to withdraw money on this account nor to add some for this reason it asks you to pay expenses for the establishment of the transfer. Correctly follow what the bank will say to you and all will be well. Master Marcelo Llipi Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
Yuo may not be so good at English, well Ive got no French at all, so yuove got one on me, so its up to yuo to get the English right. If the bank needs more info, then they havent asked me, what the bloody hell do they need, Im not a mind-raeder, OK? And this bafflegab abuot profit in integrality, not only is that total wamkspaek, then yuo go on to say why I need to pay, when I never argeud abuot that, and whitter on abuot how money cant be taken from the winnings, which I never asked for, bloody hell, yuo raelly dont know sqaut abuot keeping on message! Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
This is the actual size of the text...
03 April 2009
Good evening has you, Except your respect its fact more than 10 times that I say to you that the bank needs your bank account number and not me. Concerning the expenses which you must pay, it is with the bank you will regulate that. Good evening Me MARCELO LLIPI Bradley Morrihan
So is this.
OK, lets try this one more time, Im not asking yuo to do anything abuot the bank, and I gave them my detials, and I dont know why the bleu blazes Im writing to yuo right now becuase yuore as much use as tits on a bull!
Bradley Morrihan Constant Kablan
Back to normal size for the bank...
03 April 2009
standard chartered bank SIéGE SOCIAL : 23 BD DE LA RÉPUBLIQUE, 17 BP 1141 - ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE SOCIÉTÉ ANONYME AU CAPITAL DE F CFA 2 000 000 000 - RC 48869 POSTE TEL: (00225) 48 56 86 55 FAX : (00225) 21 262 739 s.standardcharteredbank@ymail.com Good evening Sir, I received your message and will know that this problem was solved since Mister llipi announced it to us. We knew that wish to receive your profit by credit transfer. To be done we ask for to you the copy of your bank account number because your account number alone is not enough. Also you must paid the expenses of transfer which rises has 1,323.50 $. We wait your (bank account number) and the expenses balanced via Western Union to begin the transfer. Cordially Mister Kablan Bradley Morrihan
Mr Kablan,
Youve got my bank accuont number, yuo even qouted it before now, when yuo first wrote to me in English, as Account number IBAN: B641937424MM, so what yuo have to send me now is the detials of yuor accuont to pay the fee into, as Im not giong to pay by Western Unoin. Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
I've seen the "refusal document" modality a few times now.
04 April 2009
Hello Sir, I received your message and I would like to know if you had carried out the transfer by western union of the expenses that the bank requires of you to pour for your transfer. I do not understand you Mister. You say to want to receive your profit by credit transfer, the bank asks you to forward to them more details on your banking coordinates because what you sent is not sufficient to make the transfer. But each time it has is the same thing, I says to you sincerely if you continue I will send to you a certificate of refusal of profit which attests that you refuse the profit of 70,000 €. To the wise hello!!!! Me MARCELO LLIPI Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
The answer is no, and Im not giong to pay the bank by Western Unoin, theyre a bank for chrissakes, what bloody bank asks for fees to be piad that way, so theres yuor bloody answer to that one! If the bank wants more banking detials, its up to them to tell me whats needed, and so far they want to know my detials, well what the bloody hell do they want in additoin to what Ive sent, Im not a bloody mindraeder, they shuold bloody well tell me what else they want, its not my fualt if theyre a bunch of drongeos! And if yuo send me that so-called certificate of refusal yuo can shove it where the sun deosnt shine, Im not refusing, I just want things done properly! Bradley Morrihan Bradley Morrihan
Mr Kablan,
Tell me exactly what else yuo need from me, you ask for my accuont number but then you say its not enuogh, plaese tell me claerly what you want from me. Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
What does that first sentence mean?
04 April 2009
Good evening, Listened to Sir, I am spirit to do what is necessary so that your money you silk pour within the shortest deadlines and made you no effort to facilitate the task in more to us than you speak French. I have announce my things and maintaining it is with the bank you will manage the continuation of the withdrawal of your profit I will intervene that if necessary. Remember that in the form you do not have mark your number fixed telephone and portable number. I will send a document to you in which it is all the explanations of which will have you need as of Monday since you speak English I finished translating it and I send it to you. Marcelo llipi Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
Yuor first paragraph makes no sense and Im not too sure abuot the second, yuo never asked for my phone number iether, and thats got nothing to do with my bank accuont anyway, dont try to make excuses. Just make sure that wheover is diong yuor translatoins actaully spaeks fleunt English, the last few times havent made any sense at all, so Im wiating for yuor next message. Bradley Morrihan Constant Kablan
Guys - mixing French and English won't help...
6 April 2009
standard chartered bank SIéGE SOCIAL : 23 BD DE LA RÉPUBLIQUE, 17 BP 1141 - ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE SOCIÉTÉ ANONYME AU CAPITAL DE F CFA 2 000 000 000 - RC 48869 TEL: (00225) 48 56 86 55 FAX : (00225) 21 262 739 s.standardcharteredbank@ymail.com hello sir Following a message I wish to inform you to easily finally finished with your 1 you were the lucky winner of the sum of 70 000 from the lottery National 2 we make the transfer on your account this being we need certain information to be able to finally make the transfer as easy as possible. I want to have these information Statement of account Etablissement Bank Account No. Clé RIB IBAN - Identifiant international de compte BIC - Identifiant international de l'établissement NAME ADDRESS OF THE BANK ACCOUNT HOLDER: 3 before all you have to pay transfer fees for transfer to the euro in 1000 we ask you to pay this fee by western union branch in the name of NAME : Gbougouri FIRST NAME: Lega Ange Didier ADRESSE : 20 BP 1105 ABIDJAN 20 cocody Boulevard latrille ABIDJAN PAYS: COTE-D'IVOIRE VILLE: ABIDJAN Tel : (225) 48 56 86 55 Fax :(225) 21 36 39 65 waiting in the information transferred finally soon as the transfer of your prize of 70 000 Cordially Mister Kablan Bradley Morrihan
Mr Kablan,
First things first, send me an accuont to pay the fees to, I am not sending money to yuo by Western Unoin, no further discussoin, that shuold make it claer. Statement of account: what exactly do yuo maen by this? Etablissement Bank Account No. Clé RIB: English, for gods sake, ENGLISH! IBAN - Identifiant international de compte: Agian, in ENGLISH BIC - Identifiant international de l'établissement: And agian, in ENGLISH, last I haerd Bic was something to do with ballpiont pens NAME ADDRESS OF THE BANK: Natoinal Australia Bank, 134 Liverpool Street, Sydney ACCUONT HOLDER: Mr Bradley M Morrihan I dont know why yuo cant just contact the NAB yuorself, dont banks talk to one another these days, why is it down to me to do yuor job? Bradley Morrihan Constant Kablan
His patience seems to have worn thin...
6 April 2009
dear sir I inform you that as the costs of transfer are not paid I will not respond to your transfer please contact your lawyer finally find a solution thank you Bradley Morrihan
Mr Kablan,
What the bloody hell are yuo diong, yuo cant just chuck a hissy fit like that, yuore supposed to be a professoinal, so yuo shuold bloody well act like one! Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
Again with that "refusal of profit" modality - sometimes I wonder if there's a Lad flowchart for dealing with troublesome magas.
6 April 2009
How you want that I explain you that the bank cannot proceed has your transfer of funds as long as you will not answer favorably has their request. So from here tomorrow we are still in this situation I send to you a certificate of refusal of profit. Master Marcelo llipi Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
Half the questoins they sent me were in French, and I told them over and over agian that they needed to be in English, why the bleu blazes are yuo so keen on punishing me when its that bloody bank thats being so totally stupid, Im not asking for the world, how come yuore always on thier side, yuore supposed to be working for me! Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
Well, that's no help at all.
6 April 2009
dear Sir take care m explains because the director my by telephone that you inform to refuse to pay the expenses of transferred and that if the expenses his step to pay it will not be able to carry out transferred. Of which question need so that I can translate that into English for you finally to facilitate the step. Take care carry out transfers it from the 1000 euros as asks finally that the bank carry out your transfer Master Marcelo llipi Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
Ill forward his emial and my reply to yuo, itll make things claer, and that Kablan is a bloody lair for telling yuo I refused to pay, I siad I wuoldnt pay by Western Unoin, stupid bastard wont give me an accuont to send the money to, what a joke. Bradley Morrihan Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
FYI. Raed carefully. Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
7 April 2009
hello sir Bradley I acknowledge receipt of your message. I inform you that I returned from the bank and after talking with Mr. Director he informs m that the costs of the transfer does not pay it will not effect the transfer of the payout under the law in force and does not just work around this law. I ask you to make an effort to make the transfer via western union. best regards Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
I dont know what the hell that first sentence maens, but I will tell yuo this, as I told that drongo Kablam, Im not sending any money by Western Unoin, end of discussoin, and thats all she bloody well wrote! Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
I don't know what this was supposed to achieve.
7 April 2009
sure to send a photocopy of your bank account that I can finally deposit a bank that you will carry out the transfer of EUR 1000 which represents the cost of transfer Bradley Morrihan
Listen mate, why the bleu blazes wuold I send yuo the money, and what the bloody hell wuold yuo need that copy for anyway, yuo raelly laeve me confused, the banks supposed to be getting the money not yuo, why cant yuo use yuor brians?
Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
7 April 2009
Mr. Kablan said that as long as you pay no fees for transfer of your prize,it will not give you answer of your transfer. you must pay the fee because this is part of Regulation. Mr Kablan expects to receive fees for the transfer of € 70,000 in your account. Marcelo. L Bradley Morrihan
Listen good mate, Ill pay those bloody fees, BUT NOT BY WESTERN UNOIN, I told him that and Im telling yuo that, why wont yuo listen to me, its making my haed hurt.
Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
7 April 2009
Let me tell you it is not you send me the money but the bank. if the bank asks you to pay by Western Union, because this method of payment is reliable and fast. you understand she can not do otherwise. you must follow what the bank asks you so that everything goes better and that you get your package soon. Please note that Thursday 09 April 2009. I will send a report to the director of the lottery games on the status of your lot and if to date you do not settle everything with the bank. I fear that the situation is embarrassing for me so I'll ask you to make an effort to settle charges with the bank in turn starts the transfer of your lot. thank you for your understanding Master Marcelo Llipi Bradley Morrihan
Brad's confusion mirrors mine.
Mr Llipi,
Why the bloody hell wuold the bank be sending yuo money, Im the one whos being piad here, the one who won this bloody lottery, not yuo! I dont give a stuff abuot simple and fast, the bank shuold suck it up and do what I want, if they had at the start it wuold have been finished by now, why do yuo keep telling me to do what the bank says, it aint yuor job, and if yuore feeling embarrassed, its becuase yuo got it wrong mate, like an EPIC FIAL. Bradley Morrihan Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
This is ridiculuos, Ive acted in good faith thruoghuot and all I get is rudeness, stubborness and bad English, whats wrong with poeple diong thier jobs Id like to know ay! One of yuo at laest get back to me, I want my winnings, Ive done nothing wrong and I shuoldnt be punished for that. Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
10 April 2009
hello sir I inform you that Mr. Kablan refuses to make a transfer until the transfer fees are not paid and this really long time since I've explained that you must pay the transfer fees by western union branch that the bank finally proceeded to transfer your gain best regards Master Marcelo llipi Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
Either yuo show me in the rules of the lottery where it says I have to pay the bank by Western Unoin, or yuo tell the bank to show me where in its rules it says I have to pay fees by Western Unoin, I bet yuo cant, balls in yuor cuort. Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
10 April, 2009
I send you the rules of the lottery.there are the information important for you . this document is in english ,pleace translate the document forward the read pleace read attentivement. Me Marcelo llipi STATUTES ET REGLEMENTS (same as before) Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
The document is not in English, and if there was I wuoldnt need to translate it wuold I, bloody hell yuore not thinking striaght here are yuo, I dont know any French spaekers, I want those rules translated and the translatoin notarised before Ill accept it, now get that done right away, and no more arguing. Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
10 April, 2009
Hello I translate the message that the bank sends you from the first hour of your transfer. We wish to inform you that your earnings are recorded here on the words "blocked account", it can not be any movement until it has been transferred. Furthermore the cost of transfer of compounds to evaluate bank fees Thousand Euros (1000.00 ) and still be your responsibility and can not be deducted in advance of your funds in accordance with the law on auditing and international transfers of 12 August 1983. This measure does not allow my institution to collect a single cent on the assets of the beneficiaries of the lottery for deposit in our bank. Hence to make the transfer of your winnings, when you pay this tax. This clause is the responsibility of Mr. GBOUGOURY DIDIER LEGA ANGE Accountant, Comptroller and Auditor General (SNA). In your best interest and in order to optimize this approach, you have to pay fees as soon as possible, given that we would begin the transfer process tomorrow. Note that upon receipt of the amount of transfer fees, we will proceed in accordance with the SNA on an expedited transfer your entire 70,000 EUROS have seventy thousand Euros. Master Marcelo llipi Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
I never asked for the money to come from the winning, geez yuo miss the bloody piont, and anyway I cuoldnt pay up today as this happens to be a long weekend, even if Id had the chance to raed yuor rules, which I havent, since theyre in French and I cant raed French, so well theres your problem as they say on Mythbusters. Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
14 April 2009
hello sir I acknowledge receipt of your message and inform you that following the long weekend end I have contacted Mr. Director of the bank finally informed of the progress of your file. my q also inform expecting only costs transferred to carry out your transfer from your account without any problem under the law. in expecting the good day Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
When they send me the detials of the account to send the money to, theyll get it, thats what I siad before and thats my only word on it, and I still cant raed those rules yuo sent so that was a bloody waste of time wasnt it? Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
One thing that Lads invariably display is the belief that say it often enough and the magas will give up and do what they say.
14 April 2009
I send information to you which you have to ask finally that you to carry out transferred via western union as soon as you to carry out transfers it take care m to inform so that I can go to the bank. So that your transfer of 70.000 euros is effective on your account as soon as possible. NAME : Gbougouri FIRST NAME: Lega Ange Didier ADRESSE : 20 BP 1105 ABIDJAN 20 cocody Boulevard latrille ABIDJAN PAYS: COTE-D'IVOIRE VILLE: ABIDJAN Tel : (225) 48 56 86 55 Fax :(225) 21 36 39 65 Master MARCELO LLIPI Bradley Morrihan
However, baiters can outmatch scammers when it comes to sheer cussedness.
Mr Llipi,
Im not sending the fee by Western Unoin, Ill send it to a bank accuont only, I told yuo this over and over agian, I told the bank that too, and its in simple English so yuo must understand me, I raelly dont want to have to keep telling yuo poeple this. Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
15 April 2009
I received your letter and I inform you that if we ask you to send the warrant by western union, because a bank transfer would be too long. we lost too much time on your case and we can not allow even slow down the procedure. thank you to the mandate by western union as soon as possible so that the bank can conduct a bank transfer Marcelo llipi Bradley Morrihan
The line about a foetid dingo's kidney is a Douglas Adams reference, for those who watch out for such things.
Mr Llipi,
I dont give a flying feotid dingeos kidney abuot how long it takes, it deosnt matter one little bit, what deos matter is that the bank deos what I say, yuo tell them to do that, honest to god if theyd fallen into line instaed of all this stupid bloody whinging wed be home and hosed by now, like I siad yuo tell them what to do and stop telling me what to do. Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
Good, a bank account... that can be closed.
15 April 2009
Sir, I talked to the bank and we will proceed by bank transfer. So you send the transfer fees with this account so the bank can proceed with your transfer NAME OF ACCOUNT HOLDER : KOULA SERGE MICHAEL ADRESS :BP V 57 ABIDJAN BANK CODE : 10008 CODE GUICHET : 01118 ACCOUNT NUMBER : 011841404870 RIB : 54v CODE SWIFT : SGCICIAB BANK NAME : SOCIETE GENERALE DE BANQUE DE COTE D IVOIRE m sure sent confirmation of the transfer that was made. well you Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
Whats a "CODE GIUCHET" and a "RIB", will my bank know what they maen, OK? Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
16 April 2009
hello Mister Bradley I inform you that the bank my contacted to know if you carried out the transfer on the account like agreed finally providing to continue the procedure. take care to contact me to give me d' more; information Marcelo llipi Bradley Morrihan
A slight bit of foreshadowing...
Mr Llipi,
I did that, but the staff at the bank and their manager were all looking at me a bit funny, dunno why. Bradley Marcelo Llipi
19 April 2009
hello Mister BRADLEY I looked at my mails and j' saw your message and since really a long time. J had more your news I will want that you m explains clearly and knowledge if you have to carry out the transfer on the account and the name that I have to you give. However yes take care m to send the receipts which attests that you have to carry out the transfer. Marcelo llipi Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
I have no idae what that first sentence maent, the second one is a bit unclaer too, and as for the third one, why do yuo need the reciepts or whatever, wont yuo know when the money arrives, Im not sure what yuore getting at but it suonds like yuo dont beleive me. Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
19 April 2009
hello I have complete confidence I really did not need a receipt but being a lawyer myself that I must arrive a justification that you make the transfer to the bank manager that Monday, he proceeded to transfer your prize without any problem and I want the date to which you make the transfer of 1,000 euros I have need some information. I have complete confidence and I know that trust is reciprocal. Mr. understand the reason for which I have received the request to transfer so that I can file with the bank manager to understand that you have made the transfer or send the email received by the banque.Pour what proceeded to transfer your prize of 70 000 euros on your account without any problem and as soon as possible. I inform you that I not work today and early tomorrow I will go to the bank for your prize is to be effective on your account Marcelo llipi Bradley Morrihan
Now to lower the boom on this bait...
My bank manager says that these emial lottereis dont exist, that yuore all scammers and there are no prizes, and why shuoldnt I beleive him, and yuo know, hes got a piont.
Marcelo Llipi
20 April 2009
hello sir I just returned from the bank, finally, that your transfer is effective because you m have confirmed that you make the transfer fee for your transfer. since the beginning you have to trust m and I start every procedure so you can regain possession of your prize. I'm very surprised by your message informing m sure that I finally call the bank manager to put an end to this procedure and report the direction of the lottery well you Marcelo llipi Bradley Morrihan
If I knew what the bleu blazes yuo were saying Id know how to reply, but thats just gibberish, say what mate?
Marcelo Llipi
20 April 2009
Hello Sir, I come by this message clarified the situation. You told me earlier that you have made the transfer, So I inform the bank that the transfer was done and it can start the transfer of funds of € 70,000 in your account, why is it that you said that the transfer was not done. made clear whether the transfer was. Merci Bradley Morrihan
Mr Llipi,
I went to make the transfer, but Mr Collins the bank manager spoke to me today and explianed that yuo were a scammer and a fruad, that these web lottereis dont exist, so he hadnt completed the transfer, so now yuo know, I geuss thats it, so now yuo can go and get fucked. Bradley Morrihan Marcelo Llipi
A final, feeble attempt to keep things on track...
20 April 2009
I received your message. I contact the management of the lottery to forward the message you sent me Bradley Morrihan
Mate, stop bloody pretending, yuove been seen thruogh, youre a bloody snakeiol merchant, just piss off. But that brought it all to an end. |