Dear Scamorama,
Here's another of Thomas Mallory's many adventures. When a certain Idri
S. Ali sent me a Lad letter containing a 'ghostly' accident on the
ever-popular Sagamu Express Road, I couldn't resist the urge to dust off
my proton accelerator pack and charge right in.
This time, Thomas Mallory is a doctor with the famous Miskatonic
University's Department of Metaphysical and Paranormal Studies. Will
Dr. Idris Ali be able to convince the University to hire him on as a
Paid Paranormal Consultant? Can he prove to the likes of Dr. Harold
Ramis and Basil Rathbone that the SagamU Express Road is a worthy site
for further study? Why do Nigerian ghosts act more like UFO-nauts than
the spirits of the recently deceased?
Jump in, Gentle Reader, and learn all this, and more....
IDRIS ALIDate: Thu, 27 Feb 2003 00:02:48 +0100Subject: HELLO From: "idrisali" <idrisali@voila.fr> To: "idrisali" <idrisali@voila.fr> IDRIS S. ALI. BARRISTER AND SOLICITOR NO 24 CANAL STREET IKOYI LAGOS NIGERIA . TEL:234-1-7762807. ATTENTION: SIR, BEFORE I START, I MUST FIRST APOLOGIZE FOR THIS UNSOLICITED MAIL TO YOU. I AM AWARE THAT THIS IS CERTAINLY AN UNCONVENTIONAL APPROACH TO STARTING A RELATIONSHIP, BUT AS TIME GOES ON YOU WILL REALIZE THE NEED FOR MY ACTION. MY NAME IS IDRIS S. ALI SOLICITOR AND THE PERSONAL ATTORNEY TO MR. JOHN RYERSON, A CITIZEN OF YOUR COUNTRY, WHO WORKED WITH AN OIL COMPANY IN NIGERIA. HERE-IN-AFTER REFERRED TO AS MY CLIENT. ON THE 21ST OF APRIL 1999, MY CLIENT, HIS WIFE AND THEIR THREE CHILDREN WERE INVOLVED IN A GHOSTLY MOTOR ACCIDENT ALONG SAGAMU EXPRESS ROAD. MY CLIENT AND HIS ENTIRE FAMILY UNFORTUNATELY LOST THEIR LIVES IN THE ACCIDENT. SINCE THEN I HAVE MADE SEVERAL ENQUIRIES TO YOUR EMBASSY TO LOCATE ANY OF MY CLIENT'S EXTENDED RELATIVES, WHICH HAS PROVED ABORTIVE AFTER THESE SEVERAL UNSUCESSFUL ATTEMPTS, THE NEED TO CONTACT YOU. MY MAIN REASON FOR CONTACTING YOU IS TO .... ....scam you out a whatever you're dumb enough to send me. I have omitted the usual Laddish chatter; he's offering me a mere seven million dollars. I take offense at such a pittance -- but I am immediately intrigued by his description (second paragraph) of the accident on Sagamu Express Road as 'ghostly.' ....BEST REGARDS, IDRIS S. ALI [ESQ] THOMAS MALLORYAfter all, who *else* you gonna call? Date: Tue, 4 Mar 2003 12:58:20 -0800 (PST)Mr. Idris S. Ali, You sent me the email below, which contains the line "ON THE 21ST OF APRIL 1999, MY CLIENT, HIS WIFE AND THEIR THREE CHILDREN WERE INVOLVED IN A ***GHOSTLY*** MOTOR ACCIDENT ALONG SAGAMU EXPRESS ROAD. MY CLIENT AND HIS ENTIRE FAMILY UNFORTUNATELY LOST THEIR LIVES IN THE ACCIDENT." Could you please describe in more detail the exact nature of this "GHOSTLY" accident? Specifically, what haunts, haints, phantasms, apparitions, spooks, shades, ghosts, phantoms, demons, fetches, tulpas, demigods, and/or other supernatural or occult entities were responsible for this accident? Have other supernatural events occurred on Sagamu Express Road? If so, do they occur with any frequency? I assure you my interest in this subject is genuine. I am Thomas Equine Malthus Mallory III, director of the Supernatural and Metaphysical Studies Department here at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. We have searched since last May for a genuine so-called "hostile haunting" site, with no verifiable results. If you can confirm this Sagamu Express Road site as the home of a vindictive or otherwise malacious supernatural entity, my team would be eager to subject the site to a full and thorough investigation. Dr. Spengler, Dr. Stanz, and I await your swift response. Sincerely, Dr. Thomas E. M. Mallory, III Director, Supernatural and Metaphysical Studies University of Nevada, Las Vegas THOMAS MALLORYTimes passes. No bite from Barrister Ali, who seems downright uninterested in furthering the cause of paranormal research. The good Dr. Mallory decides to send email; this time, Dr. Mallory uses the magic words --- "WE'LL PAY." Date: Thu, 6 Mar 2003 09:31:02 -0800 (PST)Dr. Spengler, Dr. Stanz, and I are still awaiting your response concerning the ghostly activity on Sagamu Express Road. Did I mention we will be happy to PAY a local as a guide to and from the site of this vicious otherworldy infestation? If you're too afraid to go yourself, you could at least give us directions. We'll pay for those as well. What is your local currency? We cannot bring livestock with us, but we do have brightly colored beads, aluminum foil, and cell phones, if that will appease any hostile tribes we'd need to pass along the way. Dr. Spengler is most anxious, by the way, to acquire a shrunken head for his curio collection. I told him I was sure such items are commonplace in the region, and we should have no trouble procurring dozens of such along the way. We have charged our proton accelerators and flushed our ectoplasmic containment storage facility. We are ready to believe you! Sincerely, Thoma E. M. Malthus III Director Supernatural and Metaphysical Research Center University of Las Vegas IDRIS S ALI (NOW DR. IDRIS ALI)Finally, a bite ... Date: Fri, 7 Mar 2003 00:00:48 +0100Hello Dr. Spengler, Dr. Stanz Thank you for replying this mail. It will be a better Idea if you came on your own to the scene of the accident,but if you need a better explanation of this,I will gladly put you through. Have you ever witnessed a ghost in your life before?.this is somebody who was supposed to be tranvelling with his family to their Station when they had this accident,people saw three corpse as they lay tyhere bleeding,but in a matter of seconds,there were no where to be found. This site remains a mystry till today as these as these people (three ghost believed to be the family that lost their lives)still parade that area. I have gone there myself as a friend and lawyer to the family,waited in the dark,seen them come out in the night at that particular Spot where the accident took place, witnessed for my self,but if you realy need me to bring any of their belonging, it can be arranged. I happen to be their attorney and close confident to Mr.John Reyeson,since he had some funds(US$ 7.million)with the Bank,Standard Trust Bank Limited,I wonder if you can assist me transfer the funds from there to an overseas account. This will only be done if you claim to be his next of Kin and benefactor to this property,we will then move towards procuring the necessay papers concerning his death before the release of the funds to your overseas Account. Let me know what your plans are and I will profer solutions to them. Regards. Dr.Idris Ali THOMAS MALLORYI decided to ignore any and all hints that I should act as the relative of the late whomever. Thomas Mallory is a man of science! Mere money means nothing to him.... Date: Fri, 7 Mar 2003 08:48:28 -0800 (PST)Dear Dr. Idris Ali, Wonderful! I've shared your description and story of the events on Sagamu Express Road with Dr. Spengler and Dr. Stanz, and we all agree that the Sagumu Road site is precisely what we've been looking for. It appears, sir, that you have a Class IV free-floating vapor on your hands -- Dr. Stanz is eager to take readings, as he is convinced that we may soon be witness to a full-force interdimensional flux crossover of a magnitude unseen since the Tunguska Event of 1903! And, since you've been so kind as to bring this haunted road to our attention, we are pleased to offer you an opportunity to join our Department of Paranormal and Metaphysical Studies as a (PAID) Site Consultant. If you agree, you will be entered into the payroll system of the Miskatonic University Department of Paranormal and Metaphysical Studies (Las Vegas branch), as a Paranormal Field Site Consultant. The pay is, as with most academic pursuits, depressingly low -- a mere $2625.50 per semester, with an additional $500 added as a transatlantic altercation addendum. Are you at all interested in joining our search for the paranormal? The process is simple -- I'll send you (via email, for your convenience) a short form to complete, scan, and return via email. I'll also need a short letter summarizing the history and nature of the Sagamu Road haunting (1 page will do just fine), along with a description of your experiences at the site. Once the Committee receives and approves these documents, they can vote to add you on as a Site Consultant (it is Miskatonic University policy, by the way, to begin payment immediately after induction into the Payroll System). Your fee can be paid in any manner convenient to you; last year, we paid (in cash) a gentleman in Bolivia via Western Union for his help in our sadly unsuccessful search for Youagoober, the legendary South American bald bigfoot. Please respond as soon as possible. Dr. Stanz, Dr. Spengler, and I must complete our classes here at the Las Vegas campus this term, and thus cannot travel to the Sagumu site before this summer. But we can easily get you started as a Site Consultant right away, and begin to lay the groundwork for our visit. We await your response, sir. Sincerely, Thomas Equine Malthus Mallory III Director, Department of Paranormal and Metaphysical Studies Miskatonic University (Las Vegas branch) DR. IDRIS ALIThe good Doctor discovers a sudden and keen interest in all things paranormal... Date: Mon, 10 Mar 2003 23:45:08 +0100Dear Sirs, Thank you for this wonderful Opportunity that has been given to me. I will only accept on the condition that it does not in any way affect my believe in the almighty God. Secondly I am a practising christian and will not like to default in my duties to God. Thirdly,As has been accepted by you people that my own salary(fees)shall be paid to me as at when due. . If these few conditions are acceptable to you people,I will sign your papers and also do all you require of me for as long as it does not affect my Religion. Let us then talk on my terms of payment. 1)I will require a mobilization fee of at least half of the amount agreed to be my salary per semester which is US$1.325 through WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER WHICH IS BELIEVED TO BE THE FASTEST AND MOST RELIABLE MEANS OF PAYMENT WORLD WIDE. This as a matter of fact should be paid to the name of a junior lawyer in my chambers,please do find the namew clearly written bellow. Barrister Obinna Nwosu Lagos Nigeria., If my terms are Okay to y6ou p[eople,I will require the Payment been done immidiately and the payment information being sent to my mail box as soon as possible to enable me commence work on the assignment. Regards. Dr.Idris Ali. THOMAS MALLORYIn which our Lads receives a bit of homework, courtesy of the world-renowned Las Vegas branch of Miskatonic University.... Date: Tue, 11 Mar 2003 08:28:19 -0800 (PST)Dear Dr. Ali, Wonderful! Of course, the Selection Committee will need to see your completed Application Papers before they approve any disbursement of funds. I see no problem with a half-pay disbursement as soon as the Papers are presented and approved. To speed that process, I am pasting the Application Papers below. Please print them, complete them, scan them, and return them as an attachment to me as soon as possible. I shall take them before the Committee myself, and will speak on your behalf. You should hear from us within the week. As to your religious concerns -- you need have none. We here at the Department treat our supernatural investigations in a purely scientific manner -- as we say, we are keen to probe the occult, but not pat it on the head, read its pamphlets, or get into long conversations with it. Just ask Dr. Spengler -- he has trapped over two dozen actuallized ectoplasmic free-roaming vapors, but the man still doesn't believe in ghosts! Here are the papers, Dr. Ali. Please complete them with as much detail as is possible. Drawings and diagrams are always impressive! Sincerely, Dr. Thomas E. M. Malthus Miskatonic University Department of Paranormal and Metaphysical Studies Las Vegas Branch * * * O N L I N E A P P L I C A T I O N * * * ** * SITE CONSULTANT CLASS II INTERNAT. SALARY/TERM) * * * PRINT, COMPLETE WITH LEGIBLE HANDWRITING OR TYPING IN ENGLISH, SCAN, AND RETURN TO SENDER. FORM MU-243-LV NV BR-308/B PAGE 1 1) NAME OF APPLICANT (LAST, FIRST, MIDDLE INITIAL, TITLE): _____________________________________________________ 2) SSN, PID, CITIZEN ID NUMBER, OR OTHER NUMERIC IDENTIFIER APPROPRIATE TO COUNTRY OF SUBMISSION: _____________________________________________________ 3) COUNTRY OF CITIZENSHIP OF APPLICANT: _____________________________________________________ 4) CURRENT MAILING ADDRESS OF APPLICANT: _____________________________________________________ 5) PREFERRED METHOD OF PAYMENT (Select Check, Western Union cash transfer, electronic funds transfer, Miskatonic University bursar credits. If CASH payment may only be made is US dollars): _____________________________________________________ 6) IS APPLICANT OVER LEGAL AGE OF ADULTHOOD IN COUNTRY OF RESIDENCE? (YES OR NO): _____________________________________________________ 7) IS APPLICANT ON THE FACULTY OF AN ACCREDITTED CLASS A UNIVERSITY OR COLLEGE? IF YES, WHAT UNIVERSITY OR COLLEGE? _____________________________________________________ 8) AREA OF SPECIALIZATION OF APPLICANT (EXAMPLE: GENERAL PARANORMAL STUDIES, POLTERGEIST COUNSELING SPECIALIST, NOCTURNAL GADDABOUT RESEARCHER, ETC.) _____________________________________________________ Miskatonic University Department of Paranormal and Metaphysical Studies Las Vegas Branch * * * O N L I N E A P P L I C A T I O N * * * ** * SITE CONSULTANT CLASS II INTERNATIONAL (SALARY/TERM) * * * PRINT, COMPLETE WITH LEGIBLE HANDWRITING OR TYPING IN ENGLISH, SCAN, AND RETURN TO SENDER. FORM MU-243-LV NV BR-308/B PAGE 2 1) IN THE SPACE BELOW, PLEASE SUMMARIZE YOUR INTENDED CONTRIBUTION TO THE ONGOING MISSION OF STUDIES AT MISKATONIC UNIVERSITY: Miskatonic University Department of Paranormal and Metaphysical Studies Las Vegas Branch * * * O N L I N E A P P L I C A T I O N * * * * * SITE OF STUDY, CLASS AA2, INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT REPORT * * PRINT, COMPLETE WITH LEGIBLE HANDWRITING OR TYPING IN ENGLISH, SCAN, AND RETURN TO SENDER. FORM MU-19-LV NV BR-309CR PAGE 1 1) IN THE SPACE BELOW, DESCRIBE THE HISTORY OF THE SUSPECTED SITE, WITH SPECIAL ATTENTION TO DATES (EVEN IF APPROXIMATE), NAMES OF WITNESSES, CULTURAL RELEVANCE, AND GEOGRAPHY. 2) IN THE SPACE BELOW, PROVIDE THE EXACT LOCATION OF THE SITE. INCLUDE DRAWINGS OF MAPS IF NECESSARY. Miskatonic University Department of Paranormal and Metaphysical Studies Las Vegas Branch * * * O N L I N E A P P L I C A T I O N * * * * * SITE OF STUDY, CLASS AA2, INTERNATIONAL WITNESS REPORT * * PRINT, COMPLETE WITH LEGIBLE HANDWRITING OR TYPING IN ENGLISH, SCAN, AND RETURN TO SENDER. FORM MU-20-LV NV BR-31WR PAGE 1 1) IN THE SPACE BELOW, DESCRIBE, IN YOUR OWN WORDS, WHAT YOU SAW, HEARD, OR OTHERWISE EXPERIENCED AT THE SITE. PLEASE BE SPECIFIC AND PROVIDE AS MANY DETAILS AS IS POSSIBLE. Miskatonic University Department of Paranormal and Metaphysical Studies Las Vegas Branch * * * O N L I N E A P P L I C A T I O N * * * * * SITE OF STUDY, CLASS AA3, INTERNATIONAL WITNESS REPORT * * PRINT, COMPLETE WITH LEGIBLE HANDWRITING OR TYPING IN ENGLISH, SCAN, AND RETURN TO SENDER. FORM MU-21-LV NV BDR-31 WDR PAGE 1 1) IN THE SPACE BELOW, DRAW ANY APPARITIONS, GHOSTS, SPIRITS, VAPOROUS FORMS, FREE FLOATING TORSOS, PERSISTENT OPTICAL ANOMALIES, AND/OR OTHER UNUSUAL OR APPARENTLY SUPERNATURAL OBJECTS, BEASTS, OR OTHER ETHEREAL FORMS OBSERVED BY YOU AT THE SITE: [ end of application forms] * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * DR BARRISTER IDRIS ALIIs slow to complete his forms! No word for a few days .THOMAS MALLORYA bit of prodding, and a cameo by young Basil Rathbone . Date: Wed, 12 Mar 2003 06:00:25 -0800 (PST)Dear Dr. Ali, Have you completed the forms we sent yet? Dr. Stanz and Dr. Spengler and I are eager to bring them to the Committee -- which, by the way, is composed of Dr. Stanz, Dr. Spengler, Dr. Ramis, and young Basil Rathbone. So you see, your Application is almost certain to be approved! I'm attaching the documents to this email, in case you had trouble printing the ones I pasted in the previous email. We deal with so many people around the world, using so many different kinds of computers, that we've tried to simplify the forms as much as possible. Let me know if you cannot read them. I'm sending 3 files in this message, and will send 2 more in a moment. Note that the process requires ALL FIVE Applications to be completed. Again, we await your quick response! Dr. Mallory And another, the next day: THOMAS MALLORYDate: Thu, 13 Mar 2003 07:43:50 -0800 (PST)Dear Dr. Ali, I was hoping to have recieved your completed documents by now! Please hurry, we have a Committee meeting Friday morning and if I have your documents we can perhaps get started with disbursements later that day! Please, we MUST get these documents and get the process started ASAP! Dr. T.E.M. Mallory DR. IDRIS ALIDate: Fri, 14 Mar 2003 16:16:21 +0100 Dear Sirs,Thank you for this reply as you know,I have to get my self ready for the whole Information that you need before sending them across to you,not withstanding that I have to travel to the area for some Vital information before passing them across to you people. It will be imperative if I told you that I have expended so much money in this trabnsaction so far,these people have to be given some money before you gety information from them,and travelling thru and fro Lagos to Shagamu for the necessary Information also requires money. I am going to send this as the last information until I receive some funds as commitment/mobilization before any other information that you will require . Also if I am going to be your Correspondence right here,I will be needing some form of Assurance or prompt settlement as at when due. I will also try to attach the answers to your question or I might just send them fort you with out Attachment. Regards. Dr.Idris Ali THOMAS MALLORYDate: Fri, 14 Mar 2003 08:05:49 -0800 (PST)Subject: MOST_URGENT_BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dr. Ali, Please, please, just send what you have! Scribble a few notes down, draw the phantoms as best you can, and get the papers back to me! This morning's meeting was postponed -- Dr. Stanz caused a power surge in his lab that has knocked out power from Lovecraft Hall all the way to the Old Lot Cemetery at the edge of the moors -- so you have until 3:30 PM Las Vegas time today. I can probably get you on as a probationary assistant with just the history of the haunting. Please, hurry! Funding like this doesn't come around often, and unless we get this done before Chancellor Beltebub returns from Sog-Yoggoth he might yank our grants (again). Speed is of the essence, sir. You need not travel to the region just to provide a two-paragraph history of the hauntings at the site, or draw a Class II Torsal Apparition! Dr. Stanz and Dr. Spengler send their best wishes. I hope to hear from you later today! T.E.M. Mallory III DR. IDRIS ALIAt last, the Barrister coughs up a few completed official whiz-bang Miskatonic University forms! Oh, the terror of it all! Date: Fri, 14 Mar 2003 17:37:16 +0100Subject: A_COPY_OF_THE_ATTACHMENT *******ONLINE APPLICATION************* 1 NAME OF APPLICANT (LAST,FIRST,MIDDLE INITIAL,TITLE) KALOMO IDRIS ALI (DR) 2 SSN,PID CITIZEN ID NUMBER,OR THEIR NUMERIC IDENTIFIER APPROPRIATE TO COUNTRY OF SUBMISSION NIGERIA BAR ASSOCIATION MEMBERSHIP IDENTIFICATION CARD NO.042 3 COUNTRY OF CITIZENSHIP APPLICANT NIGERIA 4 CURRENT MAILING ADDRESS 24 CANAL STREET,IKOYI LAGOS-NIGERIA 5 PREFERED METHOD OF PAYMENT (select check, western union money transfer, electronic money transfer,Miskatonic University bursary credits. If Cash, payment may only be made in US dollars) WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER,US DOLLARS 6 IS APPLICANT OVER LEGAL AGE OF ADULTHOOD IN COUNTRY OF RESIDENCY? (YES OR NO) YES 7.IS THE APPLICANT ON THE FACULTY OF AN ACCREDITED CLASS A UNIVERSITY OR COLLAGE? IF YES WHAT UNIVERSITY OR COLLAGE? I ATTENDED THE UNIVERSITY OF LAGOS AND NIGERIA LAW SCHOOL. 8 AREA OF SPECIALIZATION OF APPLICANT (EXAMPLE: GENERAL PARANOMAL STUDIES POLTERGEIST COUNSELING SPECIALIST,NOCTURNAL GADDABOUT RESEARCHER,ETC) COMPANY LAW. (SECTION 2) 1 IN THE SPACE BELOW,PLEASE SUMMARIZE YOUR INTENDED CONTRIBUTION TO THE ONGOING MISSION OF STUDIES AT MISKATONIC UNIVERSITY. MY INTENDED CONTRIBUTION TOWARDS THESE IS TO ASSIST OUR SCIENTIST AND OTHER SUPERNATURAL BEING PERFORM THEIR INTENDED ACTIVITIES TO HELP OR ASSIST THE HUMAN RACE IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE.ALSO TO CONTRIBUTE POSITIVELY TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE PSYCHIC ANT OTHER SUPERNATURAL POWERS IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY. (SECTION 3) 1 IN THE SPACE BELOW,DESCRIBE THE HISTORY OF THE SUSPECTED SITE, WITH SPECIAL ATTENTION TO DATES (EVEN APPOXIMATE) NAMES OF WITNESSES,CUTURAL RELEVANCE AND GEOGRAPHY. THOUGH THAT AREA HAS BEEN KNOWN FOR THIS KIND OF DEVILISH ACT SINCE 1954 AS TOLD BY MY FATHER AND SINCE THEN,PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO DIE AT THAT PARTICULAR AREA,AND AS SOON AS THEY DIE,THEY ARE ALWAYS NOTICED ARROUND THERE OR IN SOME OTHER AREAS OF THE COUNTRY FREIGHTNING PEOPLE.IT SEEMS AS IF THERE EXISTS SOME CERTAIN KIND OF MISTIC POWERS ARROUND THERE.THERE IS NO CULTURAL RELEVANCE AS THAT PARTICULAR AREA HAS BEEN NOTICED FOR THAT,BUT PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE IN GHOST GO THERE TO OFFER SACRIFICES TO THEIR ANCESTORS AND ALSO TO APPEASE THEM AND EVEN ASK THEM FOR OTHER MERCIES.THESE WAS FIRST NOTICED IN 1954 ACCORDING TO A TRADITIONAL HEALER. 2 IN THE SPACE BELOW,PROVIDE THE EXACT LOCATION OF THE SITE,INCLUDE DRAWINGS OF MAPS IF NECESSARY. I CAN NOT GET THE DRAWING OF THE PARTICULAR AREA NOW AS IT WILL COST ME A LOT MONEY TO GET THE TOWN PLANNERS AND ARCHITECHS TO GET THAT ARRANGED FOR ME.THE AREA IS CLEARLY WRITTEN IN THE FIRST MAIL I SENT YOU BUT IN CASE YOU DID NOT GET IT,IT IS ALONG SHAGAMU EXPRESS WAY AS IF YOU ARE COMING INTO LAGOS FROM OGUN STATE.THE RULER OF THAT PARTICULAR AREA,CHIEF OLUKOYA AKAMBI IS A LIVING WITNESS AND HIS COUNCIL OF CHIEFS ARE OF COURSE A LIVING WITNESS TO THIS DAY. (SECTION 3) 1 IN THE SPACE BELOW,DESCRIBE IN YOUR OWN WORDS WHAT YOU SAY,HEARD OR OTHERWISE EXPERIENCED AT THE SITE.PLEASE BE SPECIFIC AND PROVIDE AS MANY AS IS POSSIBLE I SAW SOMETHING THAT LOOKS LIKE HUMAN CREATURES BUT THEY APPEAR TO BE SPEAKING IN VERY STRANGE LANGUAGES WEARING CLOTHINGS THAT THEY WORE ON THE OF THE ACCIDENT. I COULD NOT SEE THEIR FACES VERY CLEARLY BUT THEY WERE FOUR IN NUMBER THE SAME NUMBER THEY WERE ON THE DAY OF THE ACCIDENT.THEIR MOVEMENT WAS ALMOST ABNORMAL BECAUSE I COULD NOT SEE THEIR TOES BUT THEU APPEAR TO BE IN A VERY SAD MOOD AS IT COULD BE NOTICED FROM THEIR ACTIONS. THOMAS MALLORYDate: Fri, 14 Mar 2003 14:58:50 -0800 (PST)Dear Dr. Ali, What news! The meeting with the Applications Committee, which was rescheduled for this afternoon since the power was out in Lovecraft Hall, has just been canceled. It seems two of the Committee couldn't attend after the rescheduling, so we're off the hook until Monday! I feel confident that I can procure funding approval. Still, any elaboration you can provide on the nature of the Sagumu Road site will be helpful. We are off to investigate an alleged haunting in Mordibund Manor this weekend. Dr. Spengler is sure his readings in the so-called Bloody Basement, taken just last month, indicate a bi-polar lunar reciprocating spectre, possibly accompanied by at least two low-level thermal poltergeist nexi. You can imagine our excitement, as a fellow student of the supernatural. Mordibund Manor promises to exceed even the Amityville Apartment 3-G site for arcane infestation, and I don't need to tell you how many deep-reach IR cameras we ruined there! So bear with us, dear sir, until Monday. And if you send anything further in the meantime, it will only serve to cement your funding. I did neglect to mention before that you could toss in a bit of jargon, just to let the Committee know you know your way around a three-phase proton accelerator and a magnetic spectral containment toroid. By the way, do you have access to any modern ectoplasmic technology? We could always throw in a few pieces of gear along with the grant -- call it an intra-University loan, and the Bursar won't even blink. It's old stuff, but it still works -- they built the contacts with solid gold, back in the Eighties (heck, there's two pounds of purest gold alone in the primary emission chamber of a Hawkins H5!). Anyway, let me know. Speak to your Monday, good Doctor. Wish us luck! T.E.M. Mallory III No word from Dr. Ali for a while. Time to sweeten the pot (again)... THOMAS MALLORYDate: Mon, 17 Mar 2003 08:32:47 -0800 (PST) Dear Dr. Ali,Well, sir, what an amazing investigation Dr. Stanz, Dr. Spengler, and I conducted this weekend! Mordibund Manor was positively seething with electrokinetic and parapetroleoid energy vortexes. Why, at one point, Dr. Stanz was conducting a high-frequency RF sweep of what appeared to be Eric the Red, and Dr. Spengler found himself confronted by a contingent of rare microwave poltergeist hoodoo-voodoo pantsmeister flagella! You could hardly see the PK meters for all the ectoplasm in the air. We'll be analyzing that data for many days to come. Speaking of data, our reconvened Committee meets to see your Application at 3:30 this afternoon, Las Vegas time. If you have anything to add, please get it to me by 3:00 PM. Oh, and one more thing. I made an embarrassing typographical error in the email I sent earlier concerning pay. The pay is $26251.50 per term (twenty-six thousand, two hundred and fifty one dollars and fifty cents). I believe I typed 2625.50 (two thousand six hundred twenty-five and fifty cents). I apologize for this. No wonder you were not eager to replay! A man of your stature would of course be insulted by half of 2625.50, and rightly so. I shall be back in touch very soon. Dr. T.E.M. Mallory, III No reply. I thought the new improved salary of 26,251.50 might bring him out to play, but I guess he's clued to the trick. THOMAS MALLORYTime for the kiss-off email. I was hoping to generate a wildly profane reply, but no such luck -- maybe Barrister Doctor Mister Ali is hiding beneath his bedsheets, shaking in fear at the Revenge of Dr. Spengler? Date: Tue, 18 Mar 2003 09:21:25 -0800 (PST)Dr. Ali, Sir, I am outraged. It seems you have attempted to defraud Miskatonic University! Were it not for the vigilance of Dr. Harold Ramis, Professor of Ancient Languages, who is also on the Application Approval Committee, your scurilous attempt might well have succeeded. You see, during the meeting, Dr. Ramis inquired as to how you and I met. I noted that I received an email from you, in which you described the ghostly death of your former client on the Sagumu Express Road. Imagine my surprise when Dr. Ramis went on to describe, very nearly verbatim, the rest of your original email! Shame on you, sir. It was only after printing and re-reading your first email that I realized your use of the term "ghostly" was a purely unintentional typographical error. Why, a quick internet search of "Sagamu Express Road" revealed that it is mentioned as the site of a "ghastly" crash in literally hundreds of so-called 'scam' emails just like yours! I see now that you merely wished to trick some greedy foreigner into travelling to your country so that you might rob them. To think we very nearly assembled a team and traveled to Nigeria! Dr. Spengler, heartbroken but still convinced of your goodwill, even called the University of Lagos. After a brief explanation of the reasons for his called, Dr. Spengler reported that the person at the University broke into laughter and told him "you are being fooled." I should have known you were a fraud. Your description of the Sagamu Road haunting alone should have revealed to me that you know nothing of supernatural matters. Not showing toes, indeed. Wearing strange clothes and looking sad. What tripe! Sir, it is painfully obvious now that you have never seen so much as a Class I Partially Materialized Low Emission Spectral Afterimage, much less a Class IV Actualized Free Ranging Self-Aware Spectre. That, perhaps, shall soon change. I have notified the Legal Branch of Miskatonic University. I do not know what action, if any, they shall take. I do know that Dr. Spengler, who is a gentle soul unless provoked, remained in his laboratory all night. I also note that, as of this morning, our main containment facility is short one Class VI (Variously Solid) Perpetually Regenerative Hostile Spirit Entity. I recall the circumstances under which we trapped this Entity, and the particularly foul and malign nature of it. Such an Entity would be happy to exchange its freedom for the completion of, say, a favor. I do not know what promise Dr. Spengler may have extracted from this creature, nor will I ask. But if I were you, Dr. Ali (or whatever your name is), I would be wary of dark places, and bumps and scratchings in the night. Perhaps that sound was just the wind. Then again, maybe it wasn't. Thomas Mallory |