Your basic "I was an assistant to Mustapha" letter, with dramatic touches thrown in for extra credit in Scam Writing 101. The Kindly Contributor's reply is one of the funniest yet. Tralfaz rules.
The original scam letter
wind fall200 [firstname.lastname@example.org] wrote:
My name is BALA MUSA. I was an assistant in the home of Major Mohammed EL Mustapha, the former chief security officer to the late Nigerian head of state, General Sanni Abacha. At the death of General Abacha, there were general arrests and persecution of his principal officers and family members, who were suspected to have terrorized Nigerians and embezzled over 10billion US dollars. My boss major El Mustapha was also arrested. He is presently detained and facing charges of murder, and embezzlement of public funds.
During my service in major Mustapha’s home, I was dehumanized and treated like a slave. So were other assistants helps. A chance into one of his secret rooms revealed a stockpile of millions of American dollars. This was part of his own loot, which he stored in his home. Soldiers acting on government instructions searched his home and seized a lot of the money. My colleagues and I escaped with boxes containing the sum of US$28.5 Million in cash. This money was defaced to escape detection. The total sum was entrusted in my care, with the mandate of sourcing a reliable foreigner, who can assist us take, this money to his country for safekeeping.
[Note: $28.5 million in $100 bills would weigh 570 pounds. FYI.]
I moved to a neighboring country, C, where I placed the fund in the safe of a deposit company for security. I have the key to the safe in my possession. I need your assistance in removing this money from the republic of Benin, to your country, or any other country of your choice. Since you are a foreigner, you will not be questioned here, and I assure you, that you will not be
Your name and address have been placed on the box as the beneficiary. Nobody can now claim this cash except you, as you are now recognized as the beneficiary. You are expected to act expeditiously in this matter.
For your assistance, we are prepared to give you 30% of the total sum. We shall retain 65%, and 5%is set aside for expenses.
I am presently in the border region between Nigeria and republic of Benin. So I require you to respond to me at once, so that I can notify the Deposit Company about your intention to collect the boxes.
How sympathetic is it for you to know that no body else can help me beside you
Lastly, please note that there are no risks involved in this for you, and do keep this confidential. Please indicate your private telephone number in your response, so that I can call you up and provide you with more information.
I am awaiting your urgent response, using my above e-mail address.
Reply strictly to this alternative E-mail box: Windfall200@qrio.comYours Sincerely,
To which our intrepid Kindly Contributor repliedFrom: Tralfaz Jetson
To: wind fall200
Dear BALA MUSA,
I have no problem with you putting money into a safe with a deposit company under the name Tralfaz Jetson, or even my stage name Astro Jetson.However, it may be a little difficult for me to come to the Republic of Benin, since I am, after all, a dog and I would need someone to accompany me. If you would like to come and pick me up and fly me back to the Republic of Benin, that would be fine.
In addition, since I am a dog, I have no money, soyou would also have to pay for the round trip flight.I would be more that happy to reimburse you from my30% of the money that you are promising me.
The second problem we might have is that I have a minor speach impediment. I speak with a lot of R's in my words. So, the deposit company may have difficulty in understanding me, but I could always write it out.
The last problem I have is that being a dog, I have no identification, except for my dog tag. However, I may be able to get a credit card, since I am also getting plenty of email offers for credit cards. I think between my dog tag, a credit card, and the fact thatI am a very recognizable cartoon dog, this should not be a major problem. I can even bring along some old episodes of "The Jetson", to further prove my identity.
So, if you don't mind picking me up, fronting the money for round-trip air fare, don't mind my speach problem,and think that the identification I can provide is satisfactory, then let's go ahead with this deal.I am eagerly awaiting your response.
Sincerely,Tralfaz Jetson a.k.a. Astro Jetson
This produced many laughs at ScamOCentral, and we wrote Tralfaz/Astro these admiring words:heh heh, the Jetsons!
Did their dog snicker? Or maybe that was another cartoon dog.
Felix the Cat (the wonderful wonderful cat)
[actually it was us, here at ScamOCentral, but you knew that]
Tralfaz/Astro kindly replied:Hi Felix the Cat, :D
Astro spoke with lots of R's, like I rove ryou Reorge (I love you George), or as he said to the millionaire that when he said his real name was Tralfaz, "Ralfaz? Ryuck!"
When I read the letter from Musa Belo, I felt a twinge in my butt cheek on the side where I keep my wallet. Keep up the great work on your web page, it was both informative and amusing to see what people will stoop to. If they would use that creativity for something good, they might really make some money. Oh, but wait, only the first guy that ever came up with this spiel was creative, all the others have no creativity, since they are copy-cats. No offense intended toward Felix the Cat. :)
Have a great day.