SURF'S UP DUDE

updated aug 1

Jim "Gimli" Gates is the worthless son of a wealthy industrialist who spends all his time doing drugs, lamenting the loss of his surfing ambitions to a knee injury, and doing occasional modeling jobs (he's not bad looking). Recently had a run-in with the law. After a stay in rehab, Jim comes home to find an e-mail from "Dr Eze John".


DR JOHN

Received: from mailhost1.koko.com ([80.1.65.71]) --- UK
Date: Fri, 20 Jun 2003 23:29:24 +0100
From: "Dr. Eze John" dr.ezejohn@koko.com

From: Dr. Eze John.

Hello,

I am Dr. Eze John an ex-executive staff of the Mobil Oil Nigeria Limited, I got your contact from a business Directory. I seek your assistance to transfer $14.3million Dollars into a foreign Account. A total $28.6million was realized for a contract executed in 1993 by myself and a partner from the supplies of hydraulic and electromechanical components to a company in South Africa. My partner Mr. Ernest Obi traveled to South Africa to collect the payment and that was the last i heard from him. I was given an early retirement in 1994 and all hopes until date.

On the 18th of November, 2002 I received a parcel from a courier service, enclosed were documents of deposit of my share of the funds (14.3m) in a trunk in a security company in Europe and of a branch in Malaysia, a letter was also enclosed and was addressed from my friend Mr. obi saying he was sorry and he is now married with two kids, but he did not disclose his where about to me. I immediately contacted the Security Company and they gave me a confirmation of the trunk. I also contacted my attorney and he assured me that he will be able to make a change of beneficiary to who ever would be able to assist me in the collection of the consignment from the company .

You are to assist me in going to Europe with all necessary documents I will forward to you and collect this consignment, open an account and then deposit this funds until my arrival in your country to do the sharing .Upon your assistance I shall offer you 20% of the funds, and 70% for me, the balance 10% will be set aside for all expenses incurred during the course of this transaction.

I will also require the under listed information to enable my attorney make a change of beneficiary to your name and also minute the company of your assistance.

1.YOURLEGITIMATE NAME

2.AGE

3.CONTACT ADRESS (NOT P.O.BOX)

4.MARITAL STATUS

5.TELEPHONE/FAX NUMBERS

6.NATIONALITY

7.AREA OF SPECIALISATION

8.POSITION HELD IN OFFICE

With all this I will inform my attorney of your assistance and also minute the Security Company of your assistance. I will also require a letter of invitation once the funds are cleared because of my health conditions being a diabetic patient so that I can travel overseas to treat myself and then come back to Nigeria to set up my already registered oil company to take care of my family over here. I await your response to this effect, as this may be a long lasting business relationship between us.

Regards,

Dr. Eze John.


GIMLI

Dude, what now?

DR JOHN

Hello,

Thanks for your mail, how do you mean? if it is not like that, how does it looks like? I tried to explained every thing to you so that you won't have much question to ask, this is real transaction, legal and a real opportunity for both of us to make money.

After a successful end we will meet in your country to know each other and for investment.

I await your response for your opinion.

Regards,

Dr. Eze.


GIMLI GATES

Sorry dude I was in rehab last month. I didn't have much choice, it was that or 60 days upstate if you know what I mean. Fortunately Daddy's lawyers came in with both briefcases swinging so I got a nice (boring) vacation. The only good thing was I worked out a lot, which is important for my career. So is this still happening? I didn't really get what it's all about.

DR JOHN

Date: Sat, 26 Jul 2003 00:56:30 +0100

Dear Gimli,

Thanks for your mail and the contents, really I was wondering what could have keep you away from writing me. I will like you to understand that your hand in this transaction matters, you will be require to travel either to Europe or any of their branch if they have but to commence this transaction you are to send me your contact address, phone and fax numbers, your age and occupation, as soon as I receive these information from you I will then give you the contact of the security company to contact them and I will send to you the necessary document that will enable you collect the consignment on my behalf.

I wait to hear from you soon.

Thanks and God bless.

Regards,

Dr. Eze John.


GIMLI

OK dude but I don't know if I can go to Europe for a while, like I said I'm supposed to be back at Stanfurd by September, sort of. To keep the pipeline open to the Bank of Dad, I have to act sincere. Also I have some modeling gigs.

What's up with your partner, who totally disappeared? Seems way dramatic.

Stay cool

Jim G. Gates
442 Tube Drive
Cottage 2
Topanga Canyon, CA 92314
809-490-8404 - dude please dont call between 6pm and 2am Ca. time you will cause me some problems, I'll explain some other time. [ expensive psychic hotline ] no fax
age 25
occupation: professional surfer & model

DR JOHN

Dear Jim,

I am in receipts of your details as I requested, thanks.

You will now contact the security company in switzerland for more details, call ANTHONY OXBY IN GLOBAL SECURITY COMPANY on this number 0041-795326190 tell them that you are calling on behalf of DR. EZE JOHN.

Please call them today as time is no longer on our side for we to know the nest way forward.

I wait to hear from you so that I can forward to you the necessary documents regarding this transaction.

Thanks and God bless.

Regards,

Dr. Eze John.


GIMLI

Dude, what now? You want me to make an overseas call?
And he'll just believe me?
And then what's supposed to happen?
I already gave you my details ok. Why do I have to call this banker dude?
I gave my number so he can just call me.
Anyway you said the money was in South Africa and then you said it was in Malaysia, whats up with that?
Did my brother put you up to this?
This sounds like the kind of lame thing he would think up.

p.s. I dont speak Swiss

DR JOHN

Subject: Re: CALL THEM TODAY
Date: Wed, 30 Jul 2003 11:35:14 +0100

Dear Jim,

Please let me know if you are serious with this transaction because the way you are talking to me is so childish. I told you that the money is in Malaysia then I gave you a Switzerland number to call for more clerification on how to travel or if you can't make it to travel for them to tell you what it will cost us for the shipment to you. just to make a call to the security company, you are complaning forgoten what you are to achieve. With the arragement now the consignment can be cleared in Esia or Europe country.

Call the security company as time is no longer on our side to know their requirement if it will result us raising cheque for the financing.

Call the Global security as I said and get back to me immediately.

Waiting,

Dr.Eze John.


GIMLI

Date: Wed, 30 Jul 2003 17:37:20 -0500 > the way you are talking to me is so childish.

I don't appreciate your tone dude. I was polite to you.

> get back to me immediately.

Don't appreciate that either.

> Waiting

Unimpressed.

This sounds like some lamer 419 trick. Hey if you want to make $ and still have some kind of a life, don't waste your time on this, be a model. It's more fun and you get the chicks. You need to look good though. You can't be some flabby 419er sitting in front of a 10 year old pc all day. You need a sixpack.

So -- I'm going down to the beach to work out. Take it EZE "DR" dude.

DR JOHN

Subject: NOT THE WAY YOU THINK!
Date: Thu, 31 Jul 2003 21:25:04 +0100
Received: from mailhost1.koko.com (host80-1-65-71.no-dns-yet.ntli.net [80.1.65.71])
(this is GWR Group whatever that is, which gets its connection from NTLI Network Management Centre.)

Dear Jim,

How are you today? I received your mail but could not understand the meaning of the 419 you mentioned. firstly I most say sorry if I have offend you in any way but I was trying to let you know and understand my situation.

Jim, I need an apology from you for all those words you used on me, I am a honest man, well known in the nation and I want to let you know that I have every document regarding this transaction, the money is mine that was why I told you not to bother about sending you cheque then, now that you are about to cantact the security conpany, from what they say we can make arrengement on that cheque for the financal aspect to conclude the trasaction for you not to spend your own money.

I will appreciate your urgent response to this mail to know the nest way forward as times is not on our side before you travel back as you earliar said.

Thanks and God bless.

Regards,

Dr. Eze John.


GIMLI

Hey Dr Eze dude

I dont have much time right now, back on Monday but just so you know what I meant about 419 is that's what we call tricksters out here. I learned it because of my friend Chuk who is Nigerian and it totally irks him man.

It's like this totally well known thing out here where some guy will tell you some wack story about being the son of someone rich who had a lot of secret money and like that. Then he tells you it's in a secret bank account and they charge him for storing the money so YOU have to pay up to get the money out, but check this out dude, the joke is on YOU because there's no money, see.
Beats working. I mean how much effort can it take?

But it really pisses off Chuk bigtime dude because he is some champion surfer dude and just because he is from Nigeria other dudes constantly rank on him, and he has a college degree in engineering or god knows what, he's like some frikin nerd-genius, kick job and a kick car, and people still like think he's a scammer when he tries to order a pizza over the phone. I usually don't listen to his rant, but I asked Chuk about your letter and he like blew a fuse dude and after all he is from Nigeria so maybe he has a clue about this. He said he like totally knows where you would be living and how it all works.

In fact I could almost respect that 419 scam thing, I mean, conning some retired plumber out of his life savings, that is evil, but the thing is, it's SMALL evil. It's eeny weeny evil. It's pencil-dick, flypaper hand me down evil. If I ever want to do an evil thing it will be bigtime evil. You wait and see. The world does not KNOW me man. And my brother has no clue and I am still not sure you are not in with him. Maybe YOU don't know whats up but my brother is medium-size evil so I can totally imagine him trying a 419. He does not respect surfing at all. After I wrecked my knee I became a model and I'm Chuk's manager too and we both get modeling jobs. That's where the money is dude, I can make more money taking my shirt off in one afternoon than I could ever make 419ing pathetic old people. No point being jealous, if you don't have what I'm talking about that's all right, but don't think my brother will cut you in on anything because he's EVIL.

Oh ya and you want an apology? I think not dude. If you want to do some deal with me then do it, but this isn't a therapy session. Tell my brother to get the therapy, he has to GET OVER Daddy leaving me the company. Not that I even care, because I'm entering Chuk in the Summer InterWave match and then the world will see. There is no better surfer.

Man with xtc I can go on like this for days you know what I mean? but I have to go up to Stanfurd to re-enroll on Monday so I'll be in Palo Alto through the weekend which is a drag but my girlfriend lives there. But I'll be home after that. So if you are for real yak at me then but give me the straight dope man I could make up something better than that. Maybe I should be a writer.

Eze on down the road
be cool stay on your board
Gimli

DR JOHN

Subject: 100% hitch/risk free
Date: Fri, 1 Aug 2003 11:47:06 +0100

Dear Jim,
Thanks for your mail, I am assuring you of 100% hitch and risk free in this transaction.

One thing I would like you to agree with me is that there are fake and real business so one has to be careful in intering into any business like you said, and there is no how one will do any business without spending money, even the phone calls you make is money, traveling to the security company is the same money, so what really matters is geting back what ever you spent during the course of transaction and that is what I want you to understand and get your mind relaxed.

What you have to do is to contact the security company in switzerland for instructions on how to claim this money on my behalf.

Please do that as soon as possible and get back to me on their reply.

Thanks and God bless.

Regards,

Dr.Eze John.

Chuk enters the picture. He is not happy about Dr. Eze trying to scam his silly but sincere friend Gimli.

CHUK

I saw the mail to Gimli. Listen up I tell you not to jack him. I just told him NO more mails to you, and I hope he listens. Shame on you boju boy.
more to come?

scamorama
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