Satire from the "last of the Bourbons". Pour me another one.
MME DE BOURBONFrom: firstname.lastname@example.org
Date: Tue Oct 7, 2003 1:27:11 AM US/Pacific
Received: from [220.127.116.11] by flashmail-6m.club-internet.fr via html interface;
You may be surprised to receive this email since you do not know me. I am Ginette-Mado de Bourbon, the Daughter of the late Conte de Paris, Jeannot-Bébert de Bourbon, last descendants of the Bourbons French kings.
I presume you are aware there is a financial dispute between my family ( THE BOURBONS) and the present civilian Government. This is based on what they believe as bad and corrupt governance on my late great grandfather part. May his soul rest in perfect peace. As you might have heard how a lot of my father bank account in Switzerland and North America have been frozen.(The Swiss froze a US$2.75 million villa on Lake Geneva) .
How did he get so rich? Well, for example, when the people paid their taxes, he kept billions for himself. Since this was done in the familiy for centuries and invested in castles and lands, you can guess how important this is !
Following the above named reasons, I am soliciting for your humble and confidential assistance to take custody of Thirty Million United States Dollars ( US$30 000,000.00 ), also to front for me in the areas of business you desire profitable.
These funds have secretly been deposited into a confidential Security company, where it can easily be withdrawn or paid to a recommended beneficiary.The funds will be released to you by the Security Company,based on my recommendations,on that note, you will be presented as my partner who will be fronting for me and my family in any subsequent ventures.
We have decided to give 20% to you, if you are able to help us claim this consignment. We have also decided to give you any money spent on phone calls or traveling expenses in the course of this transaction at the end of the transaction.Please, I need your entire support and co-operation for the success of this transaction, your utmost confidentiality and secrecy is highly required, due to my family's present predicament.
I sincerely will appreciate your willingness to assist us as soon as possible.I will want you to contact my son who is presently in a college in Swizerlands under the United Nations refugee camp. All correspondence must be addressed to Paulobourbon@caramail15.com and you can also call him on this telephone number +33-892 685 535 for more information on how we can proceed in this transaction. Please indicate your interest by sending your telephone and fax number to him
I sincerely will appreciate your acknowledgement as soon as possible.
Madame Ginette-Mado de Bourbon
YOU CAN CHECK OUT MORE DETAILS OF LES BOURBON AND FAMILY FROM BELOW WEB PAGES : http://www.royaute.org/
Well it's on the web, it must be true...
Ginette-Mado de Bourbon gets a telling-off from winnie Mandella !!!!
Winnie the Pooh must have been raving mad, she mistook Ginette-Mado de Bourbon for Ladbasher (another pain in her neck, I suppose) She would benefit much from reading Scamming for Dummies... but lets not be mean and lets consider this as "creative writting"...
De : email@example.com
Date : 14/10/2003 12h09
Objet : THIS IS FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
hello ladbasher you are a mugu only defrent is you dont have money if you have you get to paid twomuch of money just look act time you are use to write all this shit ,come to me so that i will make you rich i have a lot of money last week i came there in canada i look for your offices onfortunate the transaction that bring me was over i can buy you thank you .
come let me make you a rich man in life my education stander is two much i loke to write you in this way if you can understan it ,i dont care who you are fuck you1000*end for remend fool for ever ,
every thing in this world come from africa but africa are sorfrin reason you white come to africa and still every thing dont worry we know how to bring them back to africa ,keep usen the stupid ones but as for me i am two much ..since GOD CRETED WHITE AND BRACK YOU PEOPLE KEEP CHITING BRACK BUT IS ALL OVER WE BLACK GOT OUR ONW SENCE FUCK YOU FOREVER THIS NOT THE WAY GOD ALLMIGHTY WANT US TO DO BUT YOU REMAIN POOR THIS IS HOW CAIN AND EBEL DID YOU PEOPLE WANT TO DO THIS WAY TO ME IS IN POSOBLE TO HELL WITH YOU AND YOU FAMILY FOREVER IN THIS WORLD FUCK YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOUY YOU YOU AND YOUR FAMILY YOU CAN DO ANY THING TO ME TELL WERE ALL YOU IN CANADA I WILL COME THERE 2PAC SAID IF YOU HAVE MONEY THE WORLD IS FOR YOU SO THIS WORLD IS FOR ME I HAVE 20 ARTHORNEY WHICH I AM PAIDYING TELL WERE YOU ARE STA IN CANADA I WILL COME THERE MY FAMILY ARE LAVEN IN CANADA TOROTO FUCK I CAN FIRNISH YOU ANY THINGS THAT YOU NEED TO LOOK FOR ME .
Now, Ginette-Mado is a good friend of publisher Gut Emberg, what a coincidence !!! [see Scamming for Dummies - what follows is the same.]
Date : 14/10/2003 14h55
A : firstname.lastname@example.org
Re: THIS IS FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
Dear Winnie the Pooh,
As I told you last time you sent me a letter meant for somebody else (your son Eggbert, I seem to remember) you should fire your secretary, I'm sure your money can buy better services and since you have 20 arthorney she should be no problem.
Now, as a woman to another, let me help you. A friend a mine published a book that would help you in your trade, it has everything you seem to be missing ... which is an awfull lot I'm sorry to say...
Ginette-Mado de Bourbon
Here for you, I'm sure you'll love it ! :
Since scamming is becoming a full time occupation for lots of African families, we, Editions Internationales GUTEMBERG pour le Continent Africain S.A.R.L., decided that this opened a new field for edition, we therefore are proud to announce our latest book "SCAMMING FOR THE DUMMIES". In simple words, to make it easy to understand by the dummiest of the dummies, it should ease beginners' work and allow them to avoid costly errors. This book is an investment for the future. Learn to take advantage of modern technology, and make a lots of money with no other effort than some immagination (not even yours !).
Here are some of the chapters to be found in SCAMMING FOR THE DUMMIES :
Chapter 1 - The Scammer
- What is a brain and how to use it : fictional for some
- A good scamner IQ is never over 20, with picture of a scammer brain.
- A thinking brain is not a must : the reasons why.
Chapter 2 - The Cybercafe
- How to select a good cybercafe
- How to get help from the cybercafe people
- How to escape drinking in a cybercafe
- How to select another cybercafe when yours has been closed down
Chapter 3 - Technical Help
- Two fingers are enough for your trade (to type, I mean)
- UPPERCASE or lowercase ?
- How to unblock the key used to type capital letters .
- How to put it back when you want to scam again.
- How to send 1000 scams a day
Chapter 4 - Your Scamming Background
- Title : Choose between Dr. or Mr.
- Should you be a man, a woman, or both ???
- Choose the country you come from
- Choose your parents and their horrible death : the top ten.
- What is a better choice, government feud or rebels ?
- A selection of refugees' camp to pick from
Chapter 5 - Vocabulary
- What adverbs to use to draw pity
- What adverbs to use to arouse greed
- Do you need more than a 75 words vocabulary ?
- How to get help from a scammer with a IQ above 20
Chapter 6 - Finance
- What amount seems sensible to draw attention
- What is the best percentage to offer for an optimal result
- A selection of the best banks
Chapter 7 - Legal
- How to find a nice lawfirm name
- What fee to choose for your Lawer
- How to select a good lawer's name
Chapter 8 - Miscealleneous
- Should I call on the phone ?
- Can I ask for presents for the Authorities instead of actual money ???
- A selection of the best presents to pick from
- How to lure your victim to your country
- What insult to use when it fails (this one should interest you particularly)
- What happens when you get caught
... and many more !
"SCAMMING FOR THE DUMMIES"
Editions Internationales GUTEMBERG pour le Continent Africain S.A.R.L.
33, rue des Nains Primés
75008 - PARIS - France
Tel : (33) 0892 68 45 35
I did not think I would get any answer, but here it is, with a big confession ... and Ginette-Mado and Ladbasher are one to her, sniff ...
Date : 14/10/2003 18h38
Objet : DONT WRITE ME AGAIN
Listing let me tell you i have a companey in London and all so in Canada USA and all so in my contry .iam a rich man i am not a woman ,any things you need to look for me let me know i will fornish you all reason 2pacK said that if you have money you have the world ,i will not tell you any thing,this work have defrent way to do it i like to write IN THIS WAY sombody who dont know any thing so that you people we fall in to it thank you dont reply me again because i am not goin to use this box agian if you need me just give you adress i we send my boys in canada there to see you thank you good bye .
i have tell the hotmail to close this box that is for froud people.
Bad, bad Mado, irony now .......
Date : 14/10/2003 18h55
Objet : Re: DONT WRITE ME AGAIN
ARF, you nearly killed me laughing....
I am not Ladbasher but Ginette-Mado de Bourbon, remember my letter ???? So Wininy Mandella is not a woman but a guy - A TRANSVESTITE !!! (You can't be an hermaphrodite, since you do not possess both a penis and a brain and you are for sure a no brainer !) - Let me spread the news and you are going to be the laughing stock of half internet !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHHAHA AHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAH
Keep on the good Job Winnie the Pooh !!!